


Make Me Happy

by iaminarage



Series: Make Me Happy 'verse [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blaine Friendly, Broadway, Canon Compliant through season 4, Ensemble Cast, Finn is alive, Future Fic, M/M, Original Character(s), Slow Build, depression (not by the perspective character) tw, frequent social drinking tw, long and completed, shitty parents (not the perspective character) tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-11 23:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 169,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2087091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iaminarage/pseuds/iaminarage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After spending two years out on tour with Wicked, Kurt Hummel is finally back in New York and ready to take the next step in his career. What he’s not ready for is the sudden reappearance of Sebastian Smythe. This is the story of a career, a relationship, and a group of friends finding their way in the city they all love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is a lot of music linked in this fic, but most of it is optional. Feel free to ask me any questions about the warnings or anything else. More detailed notes can be found on [my tumblr.](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/conversations-about-make-me-happy)
> 
> My thank yous are [here](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/93819930140/conversations-about-make-me-happy-the-music) because I had a lot to say, but the summary is that without marauder-in-warblerland, januarium, and my fantastic beta loveinisolation, I would have driven myself insane by now.
> 
> This fic contains images that convey some of the stories. Those images have been transcribed within the HTML code and should be able to be read by a screen reader. The first image is located at the bottom of the first chapter. If you have any issue reading this fic with a screen reader, please do let me know and I will do absolutely everything I can to fix it. In general, the songs are not needed to understand the story, however I'm working on including the lyrics to the songs on the video posts so that should be up soon. If there's anything else I can do to make this fic more accessible in any way, please feel free to email me at iaminarage@gmail.com or message me on tumblr (where I'm also iaminarage).
> 
> I had to change my image hosting service to fix an image error, but it's all set! Please let me know if you see any issues.

**August 5th, 2018**

Kurt was changing his shoes when Andrew, one of his best friends from NYADA, came over to ask him if he was coming out with him and some of the dancers. Kurt was always a bit too tired after a dance rehearsal to enjoy going out, but he also really liked this cast, and he was afraid he was developing a reputation for being antisocial three weeks into rehearsal.

Kurt sighed and looked pleadingly at Andrew.

“Come on, Kurt,” Andrew said, ignoring his distress, “have you even gotten laid since you and Parker broke up?”

Kurt rolled his eyes at the mention of Parker. Kurt had been cast in the ensemble of the National tour of Wicked a few months after he graduated from NYADA, and a little over a year later, Parker had joined the tour as Boq. Parker was a few years older than he was and totally adorable, but he’d turned out to be a rather terrible boyfriend. Kurt had already given up hope of having anything resembling a functional relationship while on tour, so he stuck it out with Parker for the remaining 10 months before he headed back to New York.

When he’d booked the off-Broadway show he was currently working on, he’d jumped at the chance to leave Wicked. Sure, his current show was blatantly cheesy and terrible, but it paid the rent, and it meant he could come back to New York. He’d broken it off with Parker when he left for obvious reasons.

“I was on a cleanse! I needed to take an entire month off of douchebags,” Kurt responded to Andrew with a laugh.

“Well, it’s been two months. The douchebags of New York await!” Andrew said. “Go home, shower, and change into something pretty. You’re coming out with us. It’s not up for debate.”

Kurt nodded and gave Andrew a rueful smile as he stood up. Then he heard a loud squeal. “Kurt’s coming?” One of the dancers shouted, and then he had an armful of girl. “Are you really coming, Kurt?”

“Yes, I suppose I have no choice,” he replied, hugging her back.

She kissed him on both cheeks and then pulled out of his arms to run over to the rest of the group and say, “Kurt’s coming! Now it’s a real party!”

Kurt just locked eyes with Andrew and shook his head. After three and a half years at NYADA and another two as a professional actor, Kurt had gotten used to the complete lack of personal space his fellow actors afforded him. He still found it a bit overwhelming when it came from people he didn’t know very well, but it no longer surprised him.

Kurt and Andrew chatted about the show for a few more minutes while Kurt started mentally planning his outfit for the evening. When the choreographer pulled Andrew off into a conversation, Kurt took the opportunity to head out home before his cast mates could rope him into any more unexpected socialization.

* * *

 

Kurt walked down his street and smiled up at his building. Sure, living with Santana, Rachel, and Rachel’s aspiring composer/music director fiancé, Kyle, wasn’t exactly calm. But, for all the drama that went down in their apartment, Kurt had his own room that wasn’t the size of a closet, the apartment actually looked like a place that real people would live in, and he could afford the rent fairly easily.

As Kurt walked up the stairs to his room, he heard Rachel and Kyle talking. When he walked in, Kyle turned to him and said, “Kurt, you’re going to be in my Joe’s Pub show, right? Because I have this song that would be absolutely amazing for you.”

Kurt grinned. Kyle was ridiculously excited about his Joe’s Pub show. He and Lexie, his book writer and co-lyricist, hadn’t had a lot of time for concerts over the last year, but they’d finally pulled one together.

“Wait!” Rachel said, indignantly, “You want _Kurt_ to be in your show? But not me?”

“Don’t you think having my girlfriend in my show is just a bit incestuous?” Kyle retorted, not looking up from the piles of sheet music spread all over their living room.

“But having your roommate in your show isn’t incestuous?” Rachel said, looking murderous. Kurt knew that Kyle was eventually going to ask her to be in the show, he’d be crazy not to, but he was clearly enjoying torturing her a bit too much.

“That’s entirely different!” Kyle said. “How many countertenors do you know? And how many of them are as talented as Kurt? Kurt is the obvious choice for this song!”

Kurt had to get ready so he jumped in before Rachel could pick up on the implication that Kyle knew plenty of girls as talented as Rachel. “Kyle, I would be honored to be in your show. But I’m still waiting to see the part you’re writing me in your next musical.”

“The draft is almost there,” Kyle said with a grin.

Kurt smiled back Kyle. Kyle and Lexie had been working on this show for nearly two years and had been fairly guarded about showing anything to any of their friends, including Rachel. Kurt couldn’t wait to finally get to see it.

“Sounds good,” Kurt said as Kyle and Rachel returned to the piles of music around the room. “I’ll leave you guys to this. I have to go get changed because I’m being dragged out of the house.” Rachel waved at him and Kyle gave him a distracted smile as he left the room.

* * *

 

When Kurt wandered over to the bar to get a drink, he saw Andrew talking to a tall, brown haired man. The man's back was to him, but he knew that he wasn't anyone they'd come out with. Kurt saw an opening in the crowd next to the two of them and slipped up to the bar.

He flagged the bartender down to refill his drink and then leaned over to tease Andrew. "Working fast tonight, aren't you?"

"Faster than you, Kurt," his friend replied good naturedly.

At the sound of Kurt’s name, the man that Andrew had been flirting with stiffened. He turned slowly to face Kurt.

"Jesus Christ," Kurt breathed. There, in a random bar in Soho, flirting with one of Kurt's closest friends, was Sebastian Smythe.

Sebastian looked Kurt up and down and then started laughing, not in the old derisive way that Kurt remembered but as if something was genuinely hilarious. "Of all the people I never expected to run into …" he said, still laughing.

Apparently Sebastian's easy laughter was contagious because soon Kurt was laughing, too.

"Um. Guys?" Andrew was looking between them, confusion evident on his face. "What the fuck?"

Kurt controlled his laughter and leaned past Sebastian to explain. "Sebastian and I knew each other in high school."

"That's charitable." Sebastian grinned back at him.

"Sebastian and I hated each other in high school," Kurt amended.

"And that's funny?" Andrew asked.

Kurt locked eyes with Sebastian. He hadn't really given the other boy much thought since that last regionals competition. Blaine had told him that Sebastian was sticking to having turned over a new leaf during their senior year—although there was something about steroids and dancing and _pencils_ that Kurt hadn't even bothered to try understand—but he had no idea what his old rival had been up to since then.

"Yeah, apparently it is," Kurt said.

Sebastian looked at Kurt and raised an eyebrow. "Can I buy you a drink? It seems like we have some catching up to do."

Kurt nodded and looked over at Andrew. "Is that okay?"

Andrew grinned. "Far be it from me to get in the way of a reunion between old enemies and all that. I'm sure there has to be another hot guy in this bar somewhere."

"Probably not that you haven't slept with!" Kurt shouted at Andrew's retreating back. Andrew turned to flip him off with a smile.

"Friend of yours?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh, god yes. One of my best friends. He was two years ahead of me at NYADA and he's in the show I'm working on now," Kurt explained.

"So he's that guy in the cast?" Sebastian grinned as he waved the bartender over.

"There's one in every crowd," Kurt agreed. He gave Sebastian a sidelong glance, wondering if he was still that guy. "Although Andrew is in a class all his own. Before I met him, I'd have thought that sleeping with every gay guy in New York would be an unattainable goal, but he's dedicated."

Sebastian laughed and turned as the bartender walked up. "What are you drinking?" the bartender asked.

"I'll have a Sam Adams. Kurt?"

"Rum and diet."

"Put them on my tab," Sebastian said, turning back to the bartender.

"Andrew's great, though. Funny as hell and ridiculously talented. He really shouldn’t be in this show at all," Kurt said, picking up the thread of the conversation.

"So, if he's slept with every man in New York, has he slept with you?" Sebastian said with a sly wink.

"Not in years," Kurt responded and grabbed his drink from the bar to cross the room in search of a table. Sebastian stared after him in shock for a moment before grabbing his own drink and following Kurt.

Once they were settled at a table, Sebastian changed the topic of conversation. "So, you said you were doing a show?"

"Yep. What Women Want: The Musical." Kurt responded dryly.

"Wow …" Sebastian looked like he was struggling for something tactful to say.

"It's actually even more horrifying than you're imagining," Kurt said, putting him out of his misery. "But it's a paycheck, it's in New York, and the cast is great."

“Then I guess I’m happy for you,” Sebastian said.

“So what are you doing in the city? Do you live here?” Kurt was still shocked at the coincidence of meeting Sebastian like this.

“No,” Sebastian shook his head. “I work in Boston, but I have to be in New York for meetings a few days a month.”

“And while you’re here, you like to pick up cute actors?” That particular fact certainly matched up with the Sebastian that Kurt remembered.

“Sometimes,” Sebastian said, ducking his head and smiling.

Several drinks later, Kurt and Sebastian were still talking, but most of the rest of the cast had cleared out. Sebastian really wasn’t what Kurt had been expecting. Or what he would have been expecting if he’d ever thought of what it would be like to run into Sebastian Smythe in a bar in New York.

When Sebastian stopped speaking, Kurt tilted his head quizzically at him. “You’re different than you were in high school.”

“Thank god! Can you imagine still being the same person you were in high school?” Sebastian said with a laugh. “But I admit it. I mellowed out in college.”

“Oh?” Kurt said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I think I just … gained some perspective.” Sebastian shrugged. “For one thing, no one was that impressed with me once I got to college, so I had to become more likeable. Also my boyfriend is pretty good at smacking me down when I’m acting like an ass.”

“Well, it’s working for you,” Kurt said, and then paused. “Wait, you have boyfriend?” Sebastian Smythe with a boyfriend was possibly even more shocking than the fact that they had run into each other at all. Although he was trying to pick up guys in a bar, so maybe he hadn’t changed that much.

Sebastian flinched. “Not anymore. But it was long enough and recent enough that sometimes I forget the tense.”

Kurt gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry. Is it a good story at least?”

“Not even a little bit,” Sebastian said with a sigh. “He was a year behind me at Harvard. We started dating when I was a junior and were together for three years. I stayed in Boston to be near him after I graduated. He, apparently, didn’t have the same priorities.”

It occurred to Kurt that he had more in common with Sebastian than he’d ever expected to. “Where did he go?”

“Texas.”

“Texas? Dear god. That’s probably the last place I can imagine you,” Kurt said, shaking his head.

“It’s kind of the punch line to a joke I wish I didn’t know.” Sebastian rolled his eyes as he continued, “And the long distance thing was not an option. His future was there, and mine is here. There’s no point.”

“Been there, done that,” Kurt said with a dry laugh. In fact he was pretty sure he’d used those exact words at some point.

Sebastian leaned in, obviously interested. “Really?”

After all the time that Sebastian had dedicated to breaking Kurt and Blaine up, Kurt was a little surprised that he didn’t know how things had ended. “Wow, you really were out of the Ohio show choir gossip loop.”

“I’m going to pretend that’s not a thing. For my sanity,” Sebastian said with a laugh.

“Blaine went to USC.”

“Really?” Sebastian looked surprised. “I thought you were going to go to college together and live happily ever.”

Kurt shrugged. It was the same thing he’d heard from everyone five years ago. “I thought so, too, for a while. He got into USC and NYADA. I asked him where he would go if I wasn’t in New York. Once he admitted that he’d be going to LA to pursue a film career if it weren’t for me, I told him to pick USC, and that was that.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, although his tone was still surprised rather than sympathetic.

“Really?” Kurt said, with a bit of challenge in his voice.

“Does it still hurt?” Sebastian asked, surprising Kurt. He hadn’t really expected Sebastian to care whether Kurt was over his five year old break up.

Kurt shook his head. It had taken him a long time to get over the second break up with Blaine, but it was an even longer time ago.

“Then I guess not.” Sebastian grinned at him and then shook his head. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m sitting in a bar in New York City talking about ex-boyfriends with Kurt Hummel.”

Kurt laughed. “Trust me, if you’d have asked me where I’d be on Sunday at … holy shit is it really 2am? Fuck, I have a 9am rehearsal and I have to get back to Astoria.”

Sebastian winked at him. “I’m staying just down the block if you need a place to crash, but you’d have to walk-of-shame it to rehearsal in the morning.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him.

“I mean … I don’t mean … It’s a suite. It has a sofa bed,” Sebastian said, stumbling over his words.

Kurt grinned; he enjoyed watching Sebastian stumble a bit. “Well, we have a system to handle the whole walk of shame situation anyways.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened imperceptibly. “A system? You’ll have to tell me more about that later.”

“Lead on then, Smythe. I don’t know where you’re staying,” Kurt said, as Sebastian held a hand out to pull him out of his chair.

* * *

 

**August 6th, 2018**

At 8am, Kurt was sitting at his favorite coffee shop in midtown clutching his large coffee as if it were a lifeline. He’d already ordered Rachel’s, so when she came in the door carrying his dance bag she headed right over to meet him.

Kurt reached his hands out for the bag but Rachel hid it behind her. “You know the rules. If you get rescued from the walk of shame, you owe the person doing the rescuing all the dirty details.”

“There are no dirty details!” Kurt said, narrowing his eyes at her. “I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a few years at the bar, we got to talking, it was late, his place was close. That’s it!”

Rachel raised her eyebrows at him.

“He had a couch!” Kurt said, trying to defend himself.

Rachel was having none of it. “I’m sure he did. But did you sleep on it?”

Kurt had meant to sleep on the couch, he really had, but when they’d gotten back to the hotel room pushing Sebastian back against the door and kissing him had seemed like a much better idea. Kurt still wasn’t quite sure exactly why he’d done it, but he also didn’t seem to regret it.

He could feel himself blushing and knew that Rachel saw it immediately. “As I suspected. How was it?”

Kurt responded by throwing a piece of his bagel at her but she just glared him down. He sighed. He did, in fact, know the rules. “Well, let’s just say it didn’t disappoint. At all.”

Rachel grinned and then turned serious. “Finally. I’m glad to see you getting back out there, Kurt. You’re amazing, and you shouldn’t be sitting around at home moping about some guy you didn’t actually even like.”

She sounded so much like her seventeen year old self just then that Kurt couldn’t help but laugh as he reached out to grab his dance bag from her. Just as he retrieved it, she seemed to realize something. “Wait! You said this guy way someone you hadn’t seen in a few years?”

Kurt gulped nervously and nodded.

“Everyone you know and wouldn’t have seen in the last few years is either from high school or NYADA. Which means I clearly know this person!” She said, her eyes wide. “Who was it?”

Kurt tried to look anywhere but at her. “You don’t know him!”

“Don’t lie to me, Kurt. I know better. Who was it?”

He was caught. He couldn’t think of a single plausible lie so instead he mumbled the truth into his coffee. “Sebastian Smythe.”

Unfortunately Rachel heard him. “Sebastian Smythe?” The shock was obvious in her voice. “As in ‘former Warbler, nearly blinded Blaine, photoshopped pictures of Finn’ Sebastian Smythe? Are you crazy?”

“He’s changed since high school, Rachel. It’s been six years and he was already trying to change then,” Kurt said defensively.

Rachel just shook her head. “I guess I have to trust that you know what you’re doing, but this is really strange, Kurt. Santana is going to have a field day.”

“Don’t you dare tell Santana! You know what she’s capable of!” Visions of Santana rooting through his drawers ran through his head. He had no idea what she might do if she found out he’d slept with Sebastian.

“Fine, fine. I’ll keep your secret. But you owe me, Kurt. For more than just the rehearsal-appropriate clothing and the Advil,” she said with a pointed look.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kurt checked his watch. “I have to go if I want to have time to change before rehearsal. See you tonight?”

“You’d better. We have a date with open mic night at Fourth Wall, Kurt Hummel, and don’t you dare forget,” she said.

* * *

 

Kurt hadn’t expected to hear from Sebastian again after that night. They’d exchanged numbers, but it had seemed more like a courtesy than anything else. So Kurt was surprised when, as he was walking into Fourth Wall Bar, his phone buzzed with a message from Sebastian.

From Sebastian:  
I just realized I totally forgot to ask you. What the hell part are you playing in What Women Want?

To Sebastian:  
I play Cameron, the daughter’s boyfriend.

Kurt paid his cover and then walked into the bar behind Rachel, Santana, Andrew, and Kyle. As they were setting their stuff at their usual table, Kurt’s phone buzzed again.

From Sebastian:  
The one who basically exists to try to get into Mel Gibson’s daughter’s pants at the prom?

Kurt sat down to answer Sebastian’s text instead of heading immediately up to the front of the bar to sign up for a slot at open mic night.

To Sebastian:  
That’s the one. You’re awfully familiar with this movie, you know.

From Sebastian:  
Shut up. My college roommate liked romcoms. Didn’t you say you had a song? What would that character even sing about?

To Sebastian:  
I don’t believe you even a little bit. And my character sings about exactly what you’d expect.

Andrew slid into the table next to Kurt and drinks appeared in front of them both. Kurt looked up to see Santana looking down at him with her arms crossed. “You’re buying the next round, Hummel. And I hope you don’t plan to have your face stuck in that phone all night because I don’t buy alcohol for people who go on dates with their phones.”

“Noted, Santana. Thanks for the drink.” His phone went off again, and he laughed as she glared at him.

From Sebastian:  
You have to be kidding me. I have to witness this train wreck for myself.

Kurt shook his head as he typed out a response.

To Sebastian:  
Sadly I am very serious. Don’t even try to pretend. You clearly want to see this show because of your poorly concealed love of What Women Want.

Rachel and Kyle arrived at the table a minute later. “I don’t know what you were doing Kurt, but we signed you up for a spot,” Rachel said. “I made sure that there was another singer in between our performances. The mood of your song clashes with mine, and I didn’t want it to disrupt everyone’s appreciation of my performance.”

Santana rolled her eyes. “How do you know that performance won’t clash with yours?” Kurt tried not to laugh at the two of them. Even after six years, some things hadn’t changed.

Rachel just crossed her arms and looked away from Santana to the stage. Kyle threw an arm around her and changed the subject. “Kurt, I’m pretty sure you chose that song just to see if you could make an entire bar cry. It’s hardly fair.”

Kurt smiled innocently at Kyle. “I have no idea what you mean,” he said and then sang softly, “ _will my mama be there waiting for me, smiling in the way she does, as she holds my hand._ ”

“Were you trying to make his point?” Andrew said with a laugh.

They were interrupted from their conversation by the first singer introducing themselves. The bar was pretty popular with aspiring actors, so the quality of singing was definitely higher than your average open mic night. Kurt knew a fair number of people in the room from various projects or through other friends, and as they sat and watched the performances people stopped by to chat with them.

Rachel was the first person in their group to sing. Kurt hadn’t had the chance to ask her what she was singing beforehand, so he was a bit surprised when [she started](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/93914988701/im-a-star-written-by-scott-alan-performed-by). “ _Someone give me a chance, and just watch me break through. I deserve to be seen. This dream feels way overdue. I was born to perform more than anyone knows …_ ”

It wasn’t an especially unusual choice for Rachel. She’d sung about wanting to be noticed often enough, and this particular song was by one of their favorite composers. But he had a feeling from the desperation in her voice that today this choice meant something.

He turned to Kyle and raised an eyebrow. Kyle gave him a half smile. “Things have been harder than she lets on ever since Wonder closed. I think she feels like she’s moving backwards.”

When her song was finished, Rachel headed back to their table, accepting compliments from their acquaintances as she passed by. As she approached their table, Kurt reached out to her. She sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around him.

“I’m just tired of things not working out,” she said into his shoulder.

He rubbed her back. “I know; I really do. But you’re not that far away. You were in a Broadway cast a month ago. I can’t even imagine how frustrating it must be to have waited seven months for the chance to go on and have the show close before you even got to make your Broadway debut, but you still got cast. You’re still going in the right direction.”

He saw Santana get up and walk over to the bar. Kyle moved to Rachel’s other side and squeezed her shoulder while Andrew took her hand across the table.

A moment later, a very large glass appeared in front of them. “You boys are useless,” Santana proclaimed. “She doesn’t need you three fussing over her. She obviously needs a very strong drink. Now go away and go sing your song, Kurt. I’ve got this.”

Kurt looked up and realized that it was about to be his turn. He motioned for Kyle, who was going to be playing for him, and they both disentangled from Rachel. Santana took Kyle’s place, and as they walked away they heard her say, “trust me, Rachel, this is the largest Long Island Iced Tea I’ve ever seen. You won’t even remember what Broadway is when you’re done with it.”

Kyle looked over at Kurt and shook his head. “Leaving Santana in charge just seems like a really bad idea.”

Kurt laughed, “You know how Santana and Rachel are. We’ve got a fifty-fifty shot that it’s exactly what Rachel needs. If not, they’ll probably kill each other.”

As Kyle headed over to the piano, Kurt grabbed the mic and introduced them both then said, “I know this is a really overdone song, but you guys will just have to live with it because I felt like singing it! So, this is ‘[How Glory Goes](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/93915323231/how-glory-goes-from-the-musical-floyd-collins)’.”

He closed his eyes and began to sing. “ _Is it warm? Is it soft against your face? Do you feel a kind of grace inside the breeze?_ ” Kyle hadn’t been wrong. He’d chosen this song because it gave him a chance to dig into some of the more sober emotions he hadn’t had a chance to play with in a while. Not to mention the fact that he loved the song. Kurt closed his eyes as the familiar melody washed over him, and he sang, leaving behind the crowded bar and trying to bring a soft, reflective quality to his singing.

As he finished the song, the loud applause from the rest of the bar’s occupants shook him out of his reverie. He took a deep breath, pulling himself back to reality and nodded at the audience before he headed off stage.

When he returned to their table, he saw that Rachel had made an alarming amount of progress on the Long Island Iced Tea. She still looked a little misty eyed, and Kurt couldn’t tell if it was from her earlier meltdown or from his performance. Santana cleared it up as she turned to him and said “Damn, Hummel. That was quite a song.”

Kurt grinned at her and clinked his glass with hers. Rachel wrapped her arms around him again and, as Kyle started to sing his own song from the piano bench, she whispered to him “You deserve to be seen, too, Kurt.”

He hugged Rachel back. As exhausting as she could be sometimes in her conviction, he appreciated that she felt nearly as strongly about his talent as she did about her own.

Just then he caught the lyrics that Kyle [was singing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/93915860026/shiksa-goddess-from-the-musical-the-last-5): “ _I’d say now I’m getting somewhere. I’m finally breaking through. I say ‘hey, hey shiksa goddess, I’ve been waiting for someone like you.’”_

Andrew patted Rachel on the back and said, very seriously, “Right now, if I were you, I’d be most worried that your boyfriend is clearly singing a song that is about some other girl.”

They all started laughing at that, and the mood at the table finally seemed to lighten. They were still laughing when Kyle finally returned to the table after his song. “Why do I have the feeling that you guys are laughing at me, not with me?”

Andrew was up next, and when he got up to the mic he said, “So, I decided to sing this because I love a good song about daddy issues.” He launched into [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/93916129131/growing-up-by-chris-miller-nathan-tysen), and there was something about it that seemed fitting, even though the song was very different from Andrew's own story. When Andrew sang, “ _Swinging from my family tree, I climb and find myself part of a brilliant legacy of men who never forgave, men who won’t forget, and never measure up_ ,” Kurt got an inkling of why Andrew had identified with it.

“Remind you of yourself?” Santana said, when Andrew sat back down.

“Something like that. Except that I would change everything,” Andrew replied, downing his drink. Kurt wrapped an arm around Andrew and gave him a quick squeeze. Andrew was always so happy that it felt especially jarring when he got into one of his dark moods.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Rachel said, rubbing Andrew’s arm. “If you changed everything you might not be one of the most talked about young actors on Broadway. That seems like a silly wish.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and grinned. “I can always count on you to keep my priorities straight, Rachel.”

From there, the conversation flowed as they watched their friends perform and cringed at the few performers who were clearly out of their depth. A few minutes later Kurt’s phone buzzed with another text message.

From Sebastian:  
I’m officially trapped at the world’s most boring work dinner. Tell me something interesting before I go insane!

Kurt laughed at the message and sent off a quick response before the next singer started.

To Sebastian:  
I don’t know. I’m kind of enjoying the mental image of you going insane with boredom.

From Sebastian:  
You would.

To Sebastian:  
How do you even know I have anything interesting to say?

From Sebastian:  
You can trust me to let you know if I start to find you boring.

He had a feeling that this was entirely accurate.

To Sebastian:  
You’re like a 5 year old. “Entertain me!”

From Sebastian:  
Yes. That is exactly what I’m like.

He realized that Santana was side-eying him as his phone buzzed with the newest message. He hopped up from the table and went to go get them another round of drinks. He didn’t need Santana to start asking questions about who he was talking to. He kept up the text conversation as he waited for the bartender to make the drinks.

To Sebastian:  
I’m not that interesting right now. I’m out at open mic night with my friends. We’ve cried, we’ve laughed, Santana looks like she’s going to stab me in the face if I don’t stop texting. You know, the usual.

From Sebastian:  
I’d forgotten you said you lived with Santana. She still scary?

To Sebastian:  
Terrifying.

From Sebastian:  
In that case, I guess I can let you off the hook on entertaining me if it’ll save you from bodily harm. You can thank me later.

To Sebastian:  
My hero. I’ll think about it.

Kurt sighed and stuck his phone back in his pocket as he grabbed the drinks. He didn’t want to stop texting Sebastian, but he really didn’t want to ignore his friends either. He couldn’t help hoping that he’d hear from Sebastian again.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**September 6th, 2018**

To Kurt’s constant surprise, Sebastian had kept texting him. They communicated nearly constantly now unless one of them was somewhere that they couldn’t text. He could admit that some of the messages were maybe, possibly just a bit flirty. But most of them were more conversational. Kurt would tell Sebastian about his rehearsals, and, in return, Sebastian would tell him about his coworkers’ weird habits.

What Women Want had officially started previews, and the director was furiously making last minute changes. As his requests grew more and more unreasonable, everyone else became more and more exhausted. Kurt could tell that, although they all behaved like professionals, they were all thinking the same thing: no crazy request for another costume that couldn’t be made in time or change in choreography that had already been through dozens of versions was going to help this show.

The fact that it was early September in New York didn’t help. The fall chill hadn’t yet hit, and they were all roasting in the humid air.

On this particular day, Kurt was texting Sebastian on his way home from a mid-morning rehearsal. Sebastian was telling him about his crazy neighbor who thought that he was a celebrity hiding out in Boston.

From Sebastian:  
She’s 82 years old, and I don’t even think she has a TV. I don’t know how she thinks she’d recognize a celebrity if they did move in next door!

To Sebastian:  
I’m not sure if you’re telling the truth or if this is an elaborate lie.

From Sebastian:  
You’re really overestimating my creativity if you think I’d make this up. The last time I went out without sunglasses, she asked me if I wasn’t worried about being “recognized”.

Kurt laughed as he pushed open his door. He looked up from his phone just as he entered the apartment and stared in shock at the scene before him. After living with Rachel and Santana for four years, he was used to finding slightly strange things when he walked into his apartment, but this was definitely a new one. Kyle was sitting on the floor of the living room staring up at a wall covered in multi-colored sticky notes.

After spending a few moments trying to figure out what on earth was happening, Kurt lifted his phone to take a picture of Kyle and the wall of stickies.

The shutter sound from his phone alerted Kyle to his presence. “Kurt! How was rehearsal?”

“Still ridiculous,” he said, moving further into the room. “What on earth is happening here?”

Kyle looked back up at the wall as if it had just occurred to him that it wasn’t a totally normal thing to do. “Lexie’s coming over later. We’re getting ready to show the draft to a few people and we want to make sure we’re happy with the way everything flows. So… stickies.”

Kurt nodded as if that made sense and headed to the kitchen for a snack. It seemed like the rest of his roommates weren’t home which gave him a decent shot at a nap. Kyle and Lexie had a tendency to fight but, unlike Rachel and Santana, their arguments were quiet ones. They also seemed to be at the point lately where they did a lot less arguing about this script and a lot more agreeing.

While his food was warming up, he opened up the picture he’d taken and fired off a tweet.

 

He heard Kyle’s phone chime from the other room just as his food finished heating and then a burst of laughter.

As Kurt walked back into the living room, Kyle turned to him and said, “I’ll let you know when I figure out which one it is.”

Kurt grinned. “Mind if I hang out with you and eat while you stare at that?”

“Not at all. I won’t really do anything until Lexie gets here, and it’s not like you’ll be disruptive even if I do.” Kyle said, spinning around in place to look at Kurt.

“Thank you. I’ve always thought of myself as the least disruptive person we know.”

Kyle laughed and then sobered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Unless you want some of my mac and cheese.” Kurt replied.

“Will you read it when we’re done with this?” Kyle asked. “It’s going to be terrifying for both of us. I’m scared you’ll hate it, and you’re going to be anxious that it’ll suck. But I’m going to ask you to read it anyways because I’m going to need you on this project.”

“Well that speech didn’t make me less terrified!” Kurt knew that Kyle was right. Kurt had loved pretty much everything of Kyle’s he’d ever heard but he also knew this show was different. This wasn’t just a song that had popped into his head or Kyle and Lexie writing a small scale show. This was their baby, and Kurt knew that they had big dreams for it.

“Sorry,” Kyle said with a nervous smile, “but will you read it? I can give you the current demo that just has Lexie and I singing it. I kind of need you to help us do a better demo, actually, if you decide you’re on board.”

“Of course I’ll read it,” Kurt replied. “Has Rachel seen it?”

“Yes, although obviously it’s not the final version,” Kyle answered.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. “And?”

“She loved it. But she reminded me that, although she appreciates that I value her opinion, she is quite biased. She’s interested to see what John says about it.” Kurt grinned at Kyle’s description of this very Rachel answer. He also knew that he and Rachel were really just a test audience before Kyle gave the script to John.

John Francesco was Kyle’s mentor. He was a very well respected Broadway musical director and Tony nominated composer. Kyle had met him when he’d music directed a show at Juilliard during Kyle’s junior year, and Kyle had been given the opportunity to assistant music direct for him. John had been pulling Kyle into projects ever since and was definitely an advocate for Kyle’s career. He also wasn’t an easy man to impress, which was probably why Kyle wanted a few people to read it before he showed it to John. It was also probably why Kyle wanted a demo that didn’t have Lexie singing the male lead when he handed over the script.

“Just let me know when you want me to read it, and I’m here for you,” he said with a smile. “Although right now I’m going to take a nap. You crazy kids keep it down out here!”

Kyle laughed and turned back to his wall of sticky notes as Kurt left him.

* * *

 

**September 7th, 2014**

The next morning, Kyle actually gave Kurt the script and the demo.

“Basically this is the final version of this draft, if that makes sense,” he explained to Kurt as he handed them over.

Kurt took a deep breath as he looked at the binder and flash drive in his hand. This was it, the point where he either loved what Kyle and Lexie had been working on for two years or didn’t. “Do you just want me to find you when I’m done?”

Kyle looked nervous. “You can just write me a note if that’s easier? Then you don’t have to actually say it out loud. You can mark up the script, too, if you need to. I’m not going to specifically need that copy back or anything.”

Kurt sighed in relief. Whatever he thought about the show, it would probably be easier to be completely honest with Kyle if he could do it on paper. “Okay, I’ll write you a note when I’m done.”

Kurt disappeared into his room and left Kyle to his own devices in the living room. He stuck the flash drive into his computer, opened the script, and began to read. He forced himself to read slowly, taking in the details of what Kyle and Lexie had done with the show and trying to look at it with a critical eye instead of just getting sucked into the story. It only sort of worked, and when he finally finished he looked down at the clock on his computer and was surprised to see that two hours had passed. He flipped back through the script for a moment, looking at the notes he’d scribbled in the margins. Then he got up and went looking for Kyle.

When he got to the kitchen, he found the entire contents of their fridge spread all over the kitchen counters. Kyle was sitting on the floor scrubbing the vegetable drawer.

“What are you doing?” He asked, confused. Kyle wasn’t generally prone to scrubbing things without someone nagging him to.

“I’m stress cleaning,” Kyle said, as if it were the most obviously answer in the world. “It was that or spend the time pacing a hole in our floor and I figured I’d err on the side of productivity.”

Kurt nodded. He knew the feeling. “I finished it.”

“I assumed,” Kyle said, standing up, and Kurt could hear the nerves in his voice.

“Holy shit, Kyle,” Kurt said, shaking his head. He’d spent some time trying to figure out exactly how to explain his feelings on the script, and that was the best he’d come up with.

Kyle just raised his eyebrows at him, waiting for more of an explanation. “I couldn’t write you a note,” he said. “Nothing I said made sense.”

He waited a moment to gather his thoughts, and Kyle nodded for him to continue.

“I’m not saying it doesn’t have rough spots,” he explained. “I can tell you what some of them are if you want me to, or I can shut up and let you do that with people whose job that actually is.”

“But?” Kyle said, obviously knowing Kurt wasn’t finished.

“But holy shit, Kyle. It’s really good.” Kurt grinned as he said it. He couldn’t help but be relieved after reading the script. He’d wanted desperately to like it so he was really glad that he did. It was more than that, though. He was exhilarated by the script. It wasn’t just good, it was interesting and fresh. Kurt was excited to be involved with this project as it got off the ground. “It’s going to be Broadway good when it’s ready,” he continued.

Kyle exhaled and sat down in the chair behind him. “Oh thank god. You have no idea how terrifying the last two hours have been.”

Kurt reached out and put a hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “It’s only going to get more terrifying, you know. You’re not just going to have to show this thing to John. You’re going to have to show it to the world.”

“I hope so,” Kyle said, looking serious. “It may be terrifying, but the alternative is even worse. So you’ll help us record the demo?”

“Of course. Can it wait until my day off?” He knew that the demo would just involve him, Kyle, Rachel, Lexie and Kyle’s computer but he didn’t want to squeeze it in between rehearsals.

“Yeah, absolutely. We’ll find a time when you aren’t quite so miserable,” Kyle said with a grin.

* * *

 

**September 9th, 2018**

Kurt was thrilled when the Sunday matinee finally arrived. The past week had been absolutely exhausting, and he couldn’t wait to finally have 48 hours off. He was also trying to pretend that he wasn’t thrilled about the fact that Sebastian was coming into town that night. Kurt could hardly believe it had already been a month since they’d reconnected out of the blue. After weeks of consistent texting, Kurt was nervous to see how their in-person interaction would go. Things had been very easy for them back in August, but they knew each other much better now. Kurt was reaching the point where it was clear that he couldn’t deny that he was becoming friends with Sebastian Smythe.

He was supposed to meet Sebastian in Soho at 7pm, so he had plenty of time to stop at home and get ready, but first he had to brave the crowd of fans by the door, although it was usually tiny and not very interested in him.

As he stepped out the front door of the theatre, he casually looked around to see if anyone would call his name. The stage door set up at his current theatre wasn’t very organized, but with this show there were few enough people waiting that it didn’t matter. Kurt found it hard to balance what to do in this situation. He didn’t want to walk away so quickly that he missed someone who wanted to see him, but he also didn’t want to act like he was looking for playbills to sign.

Today was fairly easy, though. He heard a voice calling his name and turned to see a tiny blond girl standing with a few friends on the sidewalk. He crossed over to her and she handed him a Sharpie and held out her playbill. He still wasn’t over the feeling of being on this side of the stage door experience. This wasn’t the first time he’d been asked for his autograph, certainly. There’d been a few other people who were interested in talking to him this week, and when he’d been on tour with Wicked he’d gone out the stage door whenever he’d gone on for Boq, but it was still completely surreal that anyone wanted him to sign something.

“You were amazing,” the blond girl said. She looked about seventeen years old and very excitable. “I’m a huge fan of Anna’s, so I wasn’t going to miss this show, but this is the first time I’ve seen you.”

Anna, who played opposite him as the daughter in the story, had a fairly large following from her days in the cult hit musical Step Up. The show had only run on Broadway for about 6 months, but young Broadway fans had embraced it exuberantly.

“Well, I hope I didn’t disappoint!” he said with a wink.

“Oh my god, no!” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve definitely gained a big fan today. I hope I’ll get to see you in something else soon!” Then she looked awkward for a moment. “I mean … not that I hope this show doesn’t get extended, but you know, if it doesn’t.”

He smiled and put her out of her misery. “I understand. Don’t worry about it. I hope you get to see me in something else when this show ends, too. What’s your name?”

“Frankie,” she said, holding out her hand to shake. He liked this girl. She reminded him of his Glee friends at that age, all nervous energy and unapologetic intensity. “Can I get a picture?”

“Of course!” He said and put his arm around her with a smile as one of her friends held up an iPhone and snapped a picture. He signed programs for a few other people and then turned to leave the theatre.

As he turned, he caught sight of a tall thin man leaning on the side of the building. He did a double take and, after verifying that it really was Sebastian, walked over to him and crossed his arms.

Sebastian grinned at him, and Kurt was reminded, fleetingly, of how angry those sarcastic smiles had made him in high school. “What are you doing here?” He asked, indignantly.

“I came to see your show, obviously.” Sebastian said, his self-satisfied smile only growing wider.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? We had plans to meet at seven!”

“I figured I’d come see it and then take you out from here. But you can go home and change first if that’s what has you worried.” Sebastian looked him up and down and then continued, “Although you don’t need to. For the record.”

Kurt blushed under Sebastian’s gaze and grabbed his arm to drag him away from the theatre. “Come on, let’s go. We can’t talk here. And you know I’m not worried about my wardrobe.” If he was being honest, Kurt had been hoping to go home, shower, and change before he saw Sebastian, but he also knew that he looked good in his current outfit, so he really wasn’t upset about that.

Sebastian didn’t resist Kurt pulling him along and, after a minute, said, “Do you have a plan for where we’re going?”

“Not really. Just far enough away from the theatre,” Kurt said, continuing in his current direction.

Sebastian sighed and stopped abruptly, forcing Kurt to stop with him. “Perhaps we should at least have a destination in mind? Or do you just plan to walk into the East River?”

Kurt crossed his arms and looked up at Sebastian. “Don’t be ridiculous. This jacket is dry-clean only. And anyways, we’re going west. Pay attention!”

Sebastian laughed. “My point still stands. We should try to have a destination in mind so we don’t end up in any rivers. Are you hungry enough for dinner or do we need to kill time?”

Kurt thought about this for a moment and decided that he was actually really hungry after his show. “Dinner, if that’s alright with you?”

“Whatever you want,” Sebastian said, nodding. “How does Italian sound to you? I know a place a few blocks this way.”

“Sounds perfect. Lead the way,” Kurt said, smiling at him despite his frustration. He really was glad to see Sebastian, even if he wasn’t happy about the surprise.

Sebastian held out his hand to Kurt, casually. Kurt hesitated just a moment before reaching back and tangling his figures with Sebastian’s. He decided not to overthink the fact that this was something they were doing.

Once they were seated at the restaurant and Kurt had verified that no one he knew was there, he decided he could safely interrogate Sebastian. “Why did you tell me you’d meet me in Soho for dinner if you were going to come see the show?”

Sebastian shot Kurt a look that clearly indicated that Kurt should have known but he explained anyways. “I knew you’d tell me that the show was awful and I shouldn’t come.”

Kurt sighed. “The show is awful. You shouldn’t have come! I’m only letting my family and roommates come because it’s a big deal for me to have an Off-Broadway show. But I don’t need to put everyone through it. I’d rather people see me do something good.”

Sebastian laughed at him and Kurt glared back. “I’m not going to pretend it was a good show, but I knew that going in. I’m glad I saw it.”

“Dear god, why?” Kurt said, relaxing. If he was being totally honest with himself, he was flattered that Sebastian had gone to the trouble to come.

“Well, for one thing, I love a good train wreck. And that script is a _really_ good train wreck,” Sebastian said with a smile, and Kurt laughed. “I’ve also never really heard you sing before. I mean, a couple of lines in one song six years ago hardly count.”

Kurt was surprised to realize that this was true. He hadn’t really thought about it since he’d seen Sebastian sing often enough his senior year. “Well, now I know you didn’t youtube stalk me!”

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow at him. “I never really thought about it, actually. Although I guess I’ll have to now that I know there’s something to find.”

“So what did you think?” Kurt never could resist asking people to evaluate his performance, even when he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer.

“Honestly? You were pretty amazing. You weren’t Kurt at all.” Sebastian met his eyes straight on when he said this, as if the compliment were a challenge. “You were right when you said the cast was great but you’re as good as, or better than, anyone on that stage.”

Kurt was more than a little surprised by this answer, delivered without any sarcastic commentary to lessen the impact. He could feel himself blushing as he looked down at his dinner menu and tried to think of something to say.

Sebastian kicked him lightly under the table. “But seriously Kurt, _what_ was that song? I mean, it’s one thing to write a song about wanting to get into a girl’s pants. I probably wouldn’t, but you could. But that song? It wasn’t even self aware!”

Kurt laughed. Sebastian’s assessment of the song was absolutely accurate. He was also relieved to have been given an out on responding to Sebastian’s comments on his performance. “You’re one to talk about terrible song choices! Last I heard, you were singing One Direction.”

“Hey!” Sebastian said with a laugh. “I haven’t done anything written after 1969 in years!”

Kurt was surprised at this. “You still sing?” He’d always assumed that the Warblers were more about a power trip for Sebastian than an actual love of music. He’d never expected Sebastian to keep up singing after high school.

Sebastian grinned at him. He always seemed far too pleased when he knew he was going to shock Kurt. “You’ll enjoy this, actually. I sang with an all-male a cappella group through college.”

Kurt just blinked at him for a moment and then started laughing. Sebastian waited patiently with his arms crossed as Kurt tried to catch his breath. He was still laughing when he finally managed to say “You were in an all-male a cappella group? At any Ivy League school? That apparently only sang music from before 1970? That may be the preppiest thing I’ve ever heard of. Good lord.”

“I also played club Lacrosse,” Sebastian offered with a smile. “And dated a varsity Lacrosse player. Do you need water or something?”

Kurt took a few deep breaths and finally stopped laughing. “No, I’m fine. I don’t even know what to do with this information. That’s somehow both a total stereotype and a really weird combination. Although now I kind of want to kidnap you and force you to sing for me.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. You won’t have to kidnap me to get me to sing.”

Kurt grinned at Sebastian as the waiter set down their plates. “I’m going to hold you to that, Smythe.”

As they ate, the conversation turned to Sebastian’s job. Kurt knew that he did something in finance but he tuned out the rest of the explanation. The details were both boring and over his head so he focused on more important things like how quickly he could get Sebastian to finish eating so they could go back to his hotel.

A few minutes later, Kurt realized that Sebastian had stopped talking and was staring at him. He immediately stopped fantasizing about how long it would take before he could get Sebastian’s clothes off and tried to figure out exactly when Sebastian had realized he wasn’t listening.

Sebastian must have noticed Kurt tuning back in because he grinned and asked, “Where did I lose you?”

Kurt blushed and looked down at the table. “Sometime right after the word finance. I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that your job sounds _really_ boring.” He looked back up to see that Sebastian looked amused rather than annoyed.

“It is really boring,” he said with a laugh. Kurt thought he caught a hint of derision behind that laugh but he couldn’t figure out if it was directed at him or at something else.

“Finance not everything you thought it would be?” Kurt asked, trying to get at whatever was going on.

Sebastian sighed. “It’s a complicated story. Want to go for a walk while I tell it?”

Kurt nodded and Sebastian asked the waiter for their check which he somehow managed to pay without even giving Kurt a chance to argue.

“I can pay for my own dinner!” Kurt pointed out as he and Sebastian walked out of the restaurant. It was just before seven o’clock when they left the restaurant and the sun hadn’t quite set.

“I’m sure you can,” Sebastian said and then held out his hand again, without any further commentary.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Sebastian for a moment before taking it. “Do you want to walk up to the park?”

Sebastian turned to walk uptown towards Central Park without answering the question.

They walked in silence for a few blocks, and Kurt tried to disguise the fact that he was shooting frequent glances at Sebastian. The other man seemed pensive in a way that he hadn’t during the admittedly brief time Kurt had spent with him recently. Kurt waited patiently; he had the sense that Sebastian was working up to something and that he’d talk when he was ready.

As they crossed into the southernmost end of Central Park, Sebastian began to speak. “It’s not finance that’s the problem, it’s the job. I took it because it was my best opportunity in Boston. And I love Boston, but I had to stay there because of Tad.”

“The varsity lacrosse playing ex-boyfriend, right?” Kurt asked, just to confirm. Sebastian seldom mentioned the ex of only a few months, but he could hardly be talking about anyone else.

“The one and only. I sort of knew when I took it that it wasn’t the right job, but I thought that if I was happy the rest of the time it wouldn’t matter if work sucked.” Sebastian looked down at the ground, and Kurt squeezed his hand. “It turns out that’s not true. Especially when the other shit falls apart and you end up with mostly work.”

Kurt was struck with the sudden desire to slap Tad but, since he didn’t really have the opportunity to do that right now, he pulled Sebastian to a stop instead. Sebastian turned to him, looking puzzled. Before he could ask what Kurt was doing, Kurt reached up to wrap his arms around Sebastian’s neck and leaned in to kiss him.

It turned out that kissing Sebastian felt just as electric as it had that first night in Sebastian’s hotel room. Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist to pull him closer. As Kurt ran his hand through the back of Sebastian’s hair and shifted to deepen the kiss, he felt a shudder run through Sebastian that he knew had nothing to do with the early fall air. They stood there kissing for a few minutes, and it occurred to Kurt that, for all their month of texting and the night they’d spent together, this was the first time he’d really kissed Sebastian just to kiss him.

When they pulled back to catch their breath, Sebastian smiled at him. “I guess I should try being pathetic more often if that’s what it gets me.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “You’re hardly pathetic, Sebastian. A little adorably melancholy, maybe—”

“Hey! You can call me a lot of things, Kurt Hummel, and I’ll probably deserve them all. But adorable is not one of them.” Sebastian looked affronted but Kurt chose to ignore it. He disentangled from Sebastian and grabbed his hand.

When he began to walk purposefully towards the eastern edge of the park, Sebastian tugged on his arm. “Where are we going?”

“Well that depends,” Kurt said, flashing Sebastian a coy smile. “I assume you plan to sleep in your hotel room. I can either come with you or go back home. It’s your choice.”

Sebastian laughed. “Oh, well that is a hard choice then. Let me think it over for a while.”

Kurt continued to walk generally east, not that finding his way out of Central Park was all that easy for him even now. After a few seconds, Sebastian said, “Well, I guess if I have to be the one who decides, you can come back with me. But does that mean you’ll have to use your walk of shame system that you still haven’t explained?”

Kurt gave Sebastian a very serious look. “Not at all. Tomorrow’s Monday. I have an entire day off. In fact, I could spend the entire day in your hotel room. Naked. And alone. Finding ways to amuse myself. And it still wouldn’t disrupt any of my plans.” That wasn’t actually true. He’d planned on working through music with Kyle the next day, but he was enjoying teasing Sebastian.

Sebastian’s eyes darkened for a moment and then he took off down the path still dragging Kurt along. “What are you doing?” Kurt asked, startled. That wasn’t quite the reaction he’d been expecting.

Sebastian spun around to face Kurt and continued walking backwards. “Well, we have two choices. Either we can get back to my hotel as quickly as possible, or I can blow you in the middle of Central Park.” He turned back to walk forward again. “Since I really can’t afford to be labeled as a sex offender at this point in my career, I really feel that walking faster is the best idea.”

Kurt laughed and quickened his pace to keep up with Sebastian as they headed back to the subway.

* * *

 

**September 10th, 2018**

Kurt woke to the sound of an unfamiliar alarm. He groaned and attempted to bury his face in his pillow. “What the hell is that?” He said, sleepily.

He heard a laugh from behind him and felt arms tighten around his stomach. “That, Kurt, is an alarm. Surely you must have heard one before.”

Sebastian. Of course. The sound of Sebastian’s voice had woken Kurt up enough for him to be able to remember where he was. He cracked his eyes open a bit and looked at the clock on the other end table. “Of course I’ve heard one before. But usually not at 7am!” He rolled over so he wouldn’t have to look at the clock and tried to hide his face in Sebastian’s chest. “Make it stop!” he whined pathetically.

“You know, I’d actually expected you to be more of a morning person,” Sebastian said, and Kurt could hear the smile in his voice.

“And I’d expected you to be less of one. I guess we were both wrong.” Kurt was now trying to fall asleep despite the continued noise from the alarm. “Why is it still going?”

“Well, I can’t actually move to turn it off with you wrapped around me like a boa constrictor.” If Kurt had been more awake, he would have objected to Sebastian’s patronizing tone. As it was, he just flopped back off Sebastian and squeezed his eyes shut to try to block out the morning sunlight filtering in through the curtains.

Kurt felt Sebastian climb out of bed a moment later and cracked his eyes back open to appreciate the sight of Sebastian naked and moving around the room to turn off the alarm and collect his shower supplies. Sebastian had only gotten more attractive in the years since he was a high school junior who seemed to live to annoy. Kurt couldn’t help being pleased that their relationship had changed so drastically in those years that he was able to see Sebastian like this, and he planned to enjoy the sight for however long he could.

After a few minutes, Sebastian seemed satisfied with his preparations and moved to sit down next to Kurt on the bed. “Do you want me to bring you coffee when I get out of the shower or are you going to go back to sleep?”

Kurt blinked at Sebastian for a moment. “Oh god, sleep. This isn’t even a time!”

Sebastian laughed. Kurt wasn’t sure he was okay with how funny the other man seemed to find him at this hour of the morning. “I mean logically it can’t just not be a time. I assume you aren’t actually going to spend the entire day in my bed?”

Kurt shook his head and then grabbed the pillow next to him and tried to hide his face in the hopes that Sebastian would get the hint and leave him alone.

Sebastian did not get the hint. He pried the pillow off of Kurt’s face saying, “I’m almost done. Just answer me.”

“No, I have to go work through some stuff with Kyle.” Kurt said, to answer Sebastian’s earlier question.

“Remind me to ask you about that later. Are we seeing each other tonight?”

“Mhm. Sure. Just don’t try to plan it now,” Kurt said, glaring at Sebastian.

“Good night, Kurt.” Sebastian said with a fond smile and then leaned over to kiss Kurt lightly. That woke Kurt up a bit, and he responded by deepening the kiss and running his hands up Sebastian’s bare arms and into his hair. Sebastian pulled back after a minute and then dropped one more peck to his lips. “Yes, well we’ll have to hold _that_ thought. I can’t have you making me late for work.”

Kurt let Sebastian go and felt him get up from the side of the bed. A few minutes later, he heard the shower start and fell asleep to the sound of running water.

When the alarm went off again at 10am, Kurt was much more prepared to be woken up. He rolled over to check his phone and he saw that he had several notifications. The first was a text from Kyle asking him when he’d be dragging himself out of someone else’s bed and coming home to work on music. Kurt texted him back that he’d be there in an hour. The next was an email from the stage manager of What Women Want giving a detailed list of director’s notes. Kurt decided to save that one for when it wouldn’t ruin his morning. The last two were twitter notifications.

He had a feeling that this was the girl he’d met at the stage door the day before.

The next one was a tweet from the same handle.  

He laughed that she’d also managed to say that the cast was great without ever saying how she felt about the show itself. It seemed to be the only tactful response to this particular show. He clicked over to her profile and saw that he’d been right in his guess about her age. She was seventeen years old and from New Jersey. She described herself as an “aspiring actress and massive Broadway junky”. He glanced quickly at her tweets and saw that the top one was:

He laughed. Apparently he really had developed his first fangirl. He’d have to ask Rachel if she considered this a sign that he’d officially made it. He fired off a response to Frankie’s tweet about What Women Want and then dragged himself out of bed to get ready for the day.

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

**September 10th, 2014**

After he’d dragged himself out of Sebastian’s bed, hopped the subway back to his apartment, and faced down Rachel and Kyle’s teasing, the day had actually gone very well. Kyle and Lexie were able to work through all of the music in Act 1 of their new show. Kurt sang the lead role and all four of them sang the rest of the roles to try to give as complete a picture of what the music was supposed to sound like as possible with four people recording a demo on a laptop. The goal of this recording was to let people reading the script get a feel for the score and, on that count, Kurt thought they’d done pretty well.

At 5pm, Kyle had to leave to prepare for a cabaret he was musical directing, and Kurt headed off to meet Sebastian. They’d decided to meet at Sebastian’s hotel in Soho so that he could get changed and they could figure out where they were going for dinner.

Kurt ended up arriving at the hotel first, so he was standing by the front door when Sebastian walked up. The other man looked tired but he perked up as soon as their eyes met. Kurt felt like his brain short circuited for a moment at the sight of Sebastian, although it was his clothes that really caught Kurt’s eye. If he’d been asked, Kurt would have guessed that Sebastian would look excellent in a well made suit, but he probably wouldn’t have estimated exactly how good. The suit was perfectly fitted, black worn over a rich blue shirt with no tie, and, even after a long day of work, Kurt thought that Sebastian probably couldn’t have worn it better if he’d been a model.

Kurt hadn’t really regained his ability to speak by the time Sebastian was closing in on him. As Sebastian drew closer, Kurt gave up on words entirely and reached out to grab the lapel of Sebastian’s jacket, pulling him in for a kiss.

The kiss was a bit awkward, with Sebastian resting one hand on Kurt’s waist and holding his briefcase with the other, but Kurt didn’t really care. When Sebastian pulled back a moment later, he grinned down at Kurt with an all too knowing smile. “Well hello to you, too!”

“Hi,” Kurt said, knowing he sounded a little breathless. He let go of Sebastian’s jacket and smoothed down the wrinkles. “You should maybe wear suits all the time.”

Sebastian looked gleeful. “Oh should I?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, letting Sebastian’s reaction finally snap the rest of the world back into focus. “Yes,” he said. “Shut up.”

Sebastian’s smile just got wider. He let go of Kurt’s waist and grabbed his hand, leading him inside and over to the bank of elevators. Once they were on the elevator, he asked, “What do you want for dinner? There’s some of everything around here.” And then, with a wink, “Or we could just order room service.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Sebastian, but he couldn’t deny the appeal of spending the entire night locked in the hotel room together.

At that moment, the elevator chimed, and they got out on Sebastian’s floor. As soon as they walked into the room, Sebastian set down his briefcase and pulled Kurt in for a proper kiss. The feel of Sebastian’s lips against his and Sebastian’s hands running up his chest sealed it for Kurt.

When Kurt reached for Sebastian’s belt, Sebastian pulled back to grab Kurt’s wrists and rest his forehead against Kurt’s. Sebastian took a few deep breathes and then said, “So does this mean you don’t want to go out for dinner?”

Kurt returned to work on Sebastian’s belt buckle as he said, “I live in New York. I eat out plenty.”

* * *

 

Kurt was lounging in bed when the room service arrived. Sebastian answered the door since he was at least marginally more clothed than Kurt. When he placed the tray on the small table in the corner, Kurt pulled himself up. He crossed the room in his underwear and sat primly in the chair across from Sebastian. He noted with satisfaction that Sebastian was staring at him as he walked.

“You know,” he said, jogging Sebastian back to reality by moving his dinner from the tray and placing it in front of the other man, “It’s pretty obvious how you’re spending your time when you answer the hotel door at 7pm in nothing but pajama bottoms.”

Sebastian laughed. “He works at a hotel. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time he’s been able to figure out that a guest isn’t seeing much of New York aside from the ceiling of their hotel room.”

“So,” Kurt said, poking Sebastian in the shin with his toe, “how was work?”

Sebastian laughed. “About as good as a day of meetings can be, I suppose. New York is better than Boston, as far as work goes.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. They hadn’t really talked much about why Sebastian was in New York so frequently.

“Basically, the work that I’m interested in doing, which will still sound like boring gibberish to you, I’m sure, is mostly done at the New York office. When I’m here, I’m the liaison between their group and the group I actually work in. So even though I’m not doing anything I’m interested in, when I’m in the New York office I get to work with people who are.”

Kurt nodded. “Well, just so long as you don’t give specifics, I suppose that makes sense.”

“What were you up to today?” Sebastian asked, poking Kurt back. “You said something about Kyle this morning, but you weren’t exactly perky. That’s one of your roommates, right? Rachel’s boyfriend?”

Kurt laughed. “To be honest, I barely remember that we talked this morning. But yes, Kyle is Rachel’s fiancé. I guess I haven’t told you much about him.”

“Fiancé, huh? So she and your freakishly tall stepbrother didn’t manage to work it out?”

Kurt raised his eyebrows. If he had to guess, he’d say Finn wasn’t more than two inches taller than Sebastian so “freakishly tall” was a fairly ridiculous comment coming from him. “Nope. They were on and off the first two years of college, but then Rachel met Kyle junior year. Finn actually got married this past spring.”

Sebastian nodded. “Okay, so Kyle is Rachel’s fiancé, and you promised him you’d do something today?”

“Right,” Kurt said. “I guess I should back up. Kyle’s a composer and music director. He’s currently the assistant musical director of the Broadway revival of The Secret Garden, which is in previews right now.”

“So did you guys meet him at NYADA?” Sebastian asked.

“Oh, no,” Kurt said, “That’s a fun story, actually. Rachel met him at an EPA—an open call—the summer before our junior year of college. He’d just graduated from Juilliard, and he was the pianist at the audition.”

Sebastian looked impressed at the mention of Juilliard. “So what? He fell in love with Rachel’s voice?”

“Not quite,” Kurt said, laughing at the memory of Rachel’s actual first reaction to Kyle. “She somehow managed to corner him after the audition and ask him what he thought of her performance. As it turns out, Kyle doesn’t lie well under pressure, so he told her the truth.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “I’m guessing it wasn’t a truth she was fond of?”

“Not at all,” Kurt said, “he basically told her that her voice was amazing but that she performed her song as if her only goal was to say ‘here, look what I can do with my talent’ and that she needed to work on putting more subtlety into her performances.”

Sebastian shook his head in wonder. “He said all that to Rachel Berry? That seems unwise.”

“It was!” Kurt said. “I’m sure it was one of her most epic storm outs to date. And it was really irritating for me. She complained about him for months! The problem was, she also sort of took his advice and it worked. She started getting compliments from all of our teachers about how much more genuine her musical performances were.”

“I bet that pissed her off!” Sebastian said, with a laugh.

“Oh, you have no idea. She hated that she had to admit he was right.” Kurt smiled. Rachel had finally admitted it to Kurt while completely drunk one night at Callbacks. In the morning, she’d insisted she’d never said any such thing, but there were witnesses.

“So how’d she end up dating him?” Sebastian asked.

“John Francesco was music directing NYADA’s big spring show, and Kyle was his assistant, so Kyle ran into her one day when he was on campus for a production meeting. He offered to take her out for coffee to apologize, and she accepted. They’ve basically been together ever since.” Kurt had been surprised when he’d met Kyle. After his initial comment to Rachel at the audition, he’d expected Kyle to be someone like Brody: egotistical and exhausting. Instead he’d found Kyle to be down to earth and fun, not to mention talented. He’d felt a bit disloyal to Finn when he first realized that he was becoming friends with Kyle, but Finn had met his wife, Nora, soon after and everything had sort of worked out.

"Okay, so Kyle's assistant musical directing The Secret Garden. But I'm guessing that's not what he needed your help with?" Sebastian asked, bringing them back to the original topic.

"Good guess. So I mentioned that he’s also a composer?" Sebastian nodded and Kurt continued. "He and his book writer, Lexie, who he's been friends with since they were in summer camp together when they were kids, have written a couple of musicals that have played in New York, but nothing big enough that they intended for it to transfer to Broadway. So now the two of them have just gotten to the point where they're ready to start showing people the draft of their newest musical, The Longest Distance."

"And that's what you're helping them with?" Sebastian filled in as Kurt took a break from talking to have a bite of his salad.

"Right. And this is the big one. It has serious potential right now, and I can see it being a massive hit if everything comes together, so they want to make sure they play everything correctly." Kurt explained.

"That makes sense." There was a contemplative note in Sebastian's voice that told Kurt that they'd gotten near something Sebastian was really interested in. "No matter how good your project is, you can always screw it up by making the wrong moves at the wrong times or by presenting it badly."

"Exactly, which is where today comes in. Kyle and Lexie want to show the script to John and to a few other people they've worked closely with and try to formulate a next step. When you're showing people a script for a musical, you want to give them something to listen to. In a lot of cases, the writers would just record a demo to give people a feel for the music, but in this case the lead character is a countertenor. Kyle's got a wide range but he's basically a baritone, so either he has to sing the lead's music in the wrong octave or Lexie has to do it. Kyle didn’t think that either of those carried enough impact, so he asked me to help them record the demo. It's still pretty rough, but it'll give people more of a sense of how the music is supposed to feel."

"How many countertenor lead roles are there in Broadway musicals?" Sebastian asked, with a glint in his eye.

Kurt laughed. Clearly Sebastian had picked up on why this project could mean a lot to Kurt, beyond the fact that he wanted his friends to succeed. "Last I checked? None."

"So what's it about? Is it any good?" Sebastian asked. Kurt paused for a moment to take another bite of his food. He couldn't help but enjoy the fact that Sebastian so clearly actually cared about Kurt's theatre stories. He felt a bit bad that he couldn't do a better job understanding what it was that Sebastian actually did, but he was trying to make up for it by caring about how Sebastian felt about the job.

After a few more bites of salad, he jumped back into the story. "I'm totally biased, but I think it's great! It's an original story, so it isn't based on anything. Basically my character, Jeremy, is home from college at his grandmother's house. He's lived with her for most of his life, because both of his parents died when he was fairly young. So he and his boyfriend and a couple of their friends end up sorting through the grandmother's attic one day, and they discover an old mirror that belongs to his mother's family. The mirror allows anyone in their family to travel into alternate versions of the present as an observer, if that makes sense?"

"I'm with you," Sebastian said. "Keep going."

"So they can see what the present would look like if different choices had been made. The majority of the show then consists of them viewing and trying to understand these realities and then finding out, by reading old diaries, that Jeremy actually has the ability to choose between them." Kurt finished and turned back to his salad to give Sebastian a minute to respond.

"That sounds like it could be really confusing. But it also sounds interesting," Sebastian finally said. "I'm definitely curious about how music works into that story."

"It's certainly a lot to tackle in a musical. There are places in the book that I'm sure will need to be edited very carefully in order to make all of the details clear to the audience, but even at this point, the show is surprisingly clear. The music actually works in pretty naturally. It has this dark, indie quality while still clearly being musical theatre. That's kind of Kyle's specialty, actually. He brings a lot of other influences to the music while still retaining a musical theatre sound." Kurt knew he was gushing a bit about Kyle, but he couldn't help it. His friends were talented, and he liked to brag about them when he had the chance.

Sebastian smiled fondly at him. "Sounds pretty cool. I'd like to hear it some time."

"Well, I can always sing something for you," Kurt said with a laugh but then, after thinking for a minute, "Wait, are you coming back October 8th?"

"Good guess," Sebastian said. "Why?"

Kurt knew he should contemplate the wisdom of his next statement a bit longer before he made it, but he and Sebastian were friends, and Kurt was starting to realize that, whatever else happened, he wanted them to stay friends, which meant that he couldn't keep Sebastian separate from the rest of his life forever. "If you're serious about wanting to hear Kyle and Lexie's stuff, we're doing a cabaret of his music about ten blocks from here on the 8th."

Sebastian gave Kurt a look he couldn't read and said, "I'm serious. I'd love to come, provided this is you inviting me."

Kurt laughed. "Yes, this is me inviting you. Although you might have to share a table with Santana, which is a dangerous proposition." He didn't mention that he'd have to tell Santana about Sebastian's continued existence in the first place.

"We can come up with something that doesn't involve me getting stabbed to death with a fork later," Sebastian said, laughing a bit nervously.

Kurt grinned back at him and ran his foot up Sebastian's leg, under his pajama pants. It seemed like as good a way to change the topic as any.

Sebastian stood and pulled Kurt out of his chair. "Right, good point. Now that we're done eating, you're wearing entirely too much clothing."

"I'm only wearing underwear!" Kurt said, as Sebastian backed him onto the bed.

"Yes," Sebastian said, covering Kurt's body with his, "and they're in my way."

* * *

 

**September 11th, 2018**

Kurt knew he was caught as soon as he walked into the apartment and saw Santana sitting on the couch. She turned to stare him down when he opened the door, so he sighed and headed into his room to put his stuff down. He figured she'd corner him when she was ready; he didn't need to stand in the kitchen and wait for it. He'd been hoping for at least a few more days to work up to explaining this to her. Kurt had woken this morning to the feel of Sebastian's arms around him and his lips on Kurt's neck. The glow hadn't entirely faded, even after Sebastian had left for work and Kurt had gone back to sleep. Apparently this was where it would end.

A minute later, Santana was pushing open the door to his room without knocking. "Well look at you. Coming home with an overnight bag and everything!" Kurt kept unpacking his things and tried to ignore her. "And gee, now that I think about it, I don't think you slept here Sunday night, either! You didn't even come home after your show. Isn't that funny?"

Kurt walked out the door past her to return his toiletries to the bathroom, but, of course, she followed him.

"So, Kurt, who are you playing house with?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?" He knew he wasn't going to be able to ignore her forever, but that didn't mean he had to make it easy.

Santana grinned at him evilly. "My first session canceled last minute, which means that I'm charging them a massive fee and taking the morning off. That gives me plenty of time to hang out here in this bathroom with you." With that, she shut the door behind them and leaned on it. "I guess we won't be able to leave until you tell me why your bed has been so lonely the last two nights."

Kurt mentally berated himself. He knew better than to ever let Santana be in between him and the door when she was trying to corner him for something. He'd learned years ago never to let her block escape routes. He decided to call in reinforcements. "Rachel! Kyle!"

He heard feet on the floor and then Rachel's voice from outside the door. "Kurt, whatever problems you're having in the bathroom, I'd really rather you solved them yourself."

"Unless we're out of toilet paper," Kyle said quietly to Rachel. "Are we out of toilet paper, Kurt?"

Kurt just dropped his head into his hands. His roommates were useless.

"The toilet paper situation is under control, Mrs. Berry," Santana shouted back at Kyle.

"Santana? What are you doing in the bathroom with Kurt?" Rachel asked. Kurt hoped that meant they might actually get to the point sometime today.

Santana rolled her eyes. "I'm braiding Hummel's hair? What do you think I'm doing?"

"Please don't make us guess this time, Santana. It's not like we ever can." Kyle was already starting to sound resigned, which wasn't a good sign.

"I'll let him out as soon as he tells me where he slept last night."

"Oh, well in that case ... Kurt, you'd better tell her soon. Lexie's going to be here to do act two in half an hour." He heard the sound of Kyle's feet moving into the living room and mentally cursed his roommate for not taking his situation seriously.

He heard Rachel sigh from behind the door. "Really, Kurt. Did you think you were going to manage to keep this from her forever? Your friends-with-benefits situation doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. You might as well tell her."

Kurt knew that Rachel was actually right, but still, he hadn't wanted to deal with Santana first thing in the morning. He looked up to see Santana still leaning against the door, idly cleaning her nails. "I've reconnected with an old friend," he finally said.

She looked up from her nails and straight at him. "Reconnected is an interesting way to put that. I'm sure you've connected in a lot of ways this weekend."

"The last month actually," he corrected. If he was going to convince Santana that he knew what he was doing, he was going to have to let her know that he'd had more than a weekend to think about this.

Santana raised an eyebrow at him. "And who is the lucky gentleman?"

He took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. "Sebastian Smythe."

For once, Santana actually looked shocked. It didn't take her long to recover, though, and soon she crossed the room to glare at him from a foot away. "Are you absolutely out of your mind? Have you forgotten what a complete and total shit he was to you in high school? Have you forgotten the time he put the hobbit in the hospital?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Give me some credit, Santana. I haven't forgotten anything. He's changed. Or have you forgotten that most of our friends were complete and total shits to me at some point? Including you, let's remember."

She backed up slightly at his pointed comment and crossed her arms. He knew that she couldn't come up with much of an argument for that. "You're going to get your tiny, gay heart broken. Again. I'm not going to be the one to pick up the pieces this time."

Kurt sighed. "My heart is not involved, Santana. We're friends ... friends who sometimes have sex, but friends. And when were you ever the one to pick up the pieces in the first place?"

Santana just glared at him, and Kurt knew that he was being slightly unfair. Santana didn't fuss over him the way Rachel did, but she'd been present in her own way over the years when he needed someone. "I'm sorry," he said. "Look, just give him a chance, okay? He's going to be in town next month during Kyle's concert, and I asked him to come. If you still think he's the spawn of Satan after that, we can talk."

"Fine," she said, after considering him for a moment. "But you know I will go Lima Heights on him if he steps out of line."

"Just give him a shot," he said, and she nodded.

"Can you guys come out of the bathroom now?" Kyle's voice came from the living room. "I have to pee!"

* * *

 

**September 13th, 2018**

The next two weeks were nothing if not eventful. It started on Thursday. What Women Want: The Musical was opening that night, and Kurt was spending the morning at home relaxing. The Secret Garden was still in previews, so Kyle had to be at his own show that night, and Rachel was going to the opening as Kurt's date.

Kurt and Kyle were in the middle of a marathon of season 2 of Project Runway when Rachel burst through the door.The two boys jumped at the sound of the door slamming open. As soon as they saw the look on her face they could both tell that something was up. Rachel was wearing her "I'm going to die if I don't speak" look so, of course, Kurt and Kyle headed into the kitchen to get the full story.

"What's up?" Kyle asked after leaning in to kiss Rachel on the cheek.

Rachel burst into a grin. "I got a call from my agent just as I was getting out of the subway!"

Kurt held his breath, waiting to hear what she was going to say. He knew that Rachel felt like she'd been on a million auditions since Wonder closed. A few of them had led to callbacks, but none had turned into actual jobs. If Rachel was this excited, it couldn't just be another callback.

"Are you going to tell us what she said?" Kyle said, with a smile.

"I got Little Women at Musically Human Theatre! I'm playing Meg!" Rachel's voice turned into a squeak by the time she reached the end of the sentence.

Kurt and Kyle both through their arms around her as soon as she finished speaking, and she hugged them both back, laughing. "I mean, it's only a three week run, but who even cares? It's a job."

The boys both whispered their congratulations to her into the center of the group hug. After a minute, Kurt pulled back, rubbing his hand over Rachel's back as he pulled away, and whispered, "I have to go get something." He wandered over to the side cupboards and let Kyle and Rachel have a moment by themselves.

When he came back, Kyle and Rachel had disentangled and were standing together grinning at each other. He set three glasses on the kitchen table behind them and popped the cork out of the wine bottle he was holding.

At the sound the cork popping, his roommates turned to look at him. "Are we day drinking now, Kurt?" Kyle said, with a smile.

"It's after noon, what do you want?" Kurt replied, laughing as he filled the glasses. "We have to celebrate!"

Kurt distributed the glasses and, as they clinked them together, said, "To Rachel and Little Women!"

After they'd each taken a sip, Rachel grabbed Kyle's arm. "Wait! We have to do another toast!"

Kyle gave her a questioning look, but both he and Kurt moved their glasses back together. Rachel gave the toast this time, saying "To Kurt's opening night! May you knock the critics’ socks off, even if they hate your show."

They all laughed and Kurt pulled her in for a hug, being careful not to spill his wine on her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he whispered "We really are going to make it you know."

"I know," she said into his ear. "It's hard to remember sometimes, but I know."

* * *

 

Kurt was more nervous than he expected he'd be going into the opening night performance. This was the first time he'd actually had a real opening night and, whatever the quality of this particular show, it still felt like a milestone. Knowing that Rachel would be in the audience actually turned out to be calming, and, as they always did, his nerves disappeared as soon as he set foot on the stage for the opening number. The show went off without a hitch, and he grabbed Rachel afterwards and they headed to the after-party. The cast spent most of the beginning of the after-party running around taking pictures with each other and posting them on instagram. He made sure that there was one of him and Rachel, which he both tweeted and sent to his dad.

 

They stayed at the party for quite a while, drinking and talking to their friends. It was a bit late for the subway when they finally left, so they decided to split a cab home with Andrew, who lived only a few blocks away from them.

As soon as they walked out the door, Andrew pulled his phone out of his pocket. Kurt rolled his eyes. “Are you sure you even want to know what it says?” he asked.

“Going to have to find out sooner or later,” Andrew said. Kurt knew he had a point, but they all knew the reviews were going to be bad, and he wasn’t sure he wanted his post-party high ruined so soon.

"The _Times_ is up.” Andrew grabbed his arm as he read. .

Rachel rolled her eyes after a moment. "Come on Andrew, don't keep us hanging. How is it?"

Andrew winced a bit. "Well ... I guess it could be worse. He doesn't seem to have hated everything. Just the script. And the music. And the direction. And significant design elements."

"What didn't he hate?" Kurt said, side-eying Andrew.

"Well, you, for one," Andrew said and began to read aloud. "'Kurt Hummel puts in an admirable performance as the sleazy Cameron. His excellent voice is the only redeeming quality of what is quite possibly the worst song ever written for the theatre.' He likes pretty much all of the cast. Both leads got similar mentions, and he praised the ensemble. But yeah, it's bad."

At the end of the statement about his performance, Kurt put his head in his hands. Rachel patted him on the back and told Andrew to just read the thing and not paraphrase. Then she turned her attention back to Kurt and said "It's good, Kurt. We knew the show sucked, but you were amazing. This is the _Times_ saying you were amazing."

He turned his head to look at her. "I know it's good. I do. It's just ... overwhelming." He was having a bit of trouble processing having his performance praised in the _New York Times_. Not to mention the fact that, even though the cast had seen it coming, the reviews were terrible. It got worse and worse as Andrew read. Kurt was reeling a bit from the mix of feelings. On the one hand, he was specifically called out as being someone who was better than the material, but on the other hand, this confirmed that the show wasn't going to get good enough reviews to run past its closing date. It had been obvious to him when he took the job, but still, this made it official. He would need to start auditioning as soon as possible.

Kurt decided to deflect Rachel’s attention by pulling out his phone and checking to see if he’d received any texts while he had been ignoring his phone during the party. Rachel and Andrew were still discussing the details of the review over his head in the backseat of the cab.

The first text he saw was from Sebastian at 11:22pm.

From Sebastian:  
Have you seen the reviews yet?

Kurt was surprised to realize that Sebastian had been paying close enough attention to apparently see the review within half an hour of when it was posted.

To Sebastian:  
Just saw the times now.

From Sebastian:  
Ouch. Even I didn’t call it “possibly the worst song ever written for the theatre.” But at least he’s smart enough to see how great you are.

Kurt hadn’t actually expected Sebastian to answer considering that it was after one in the morning.

To Sebastian:  
Don’t you ever sleep?

From Sebastian:  
No. How are you feeling?

From Kurt:  
Overwhelmed, I think. It’s a really good review for me and we knew the show was going to get terrible reviews. But it’s different to actually see them.

From Sebastian:  
Makes sense. Try to enjoy it anyways. You did good.

To Sebastian:  
I will. Try to get some sleep.

Kurt closed his eyes for the rest of the cab ride back to Queens. He was ready to go to bed, too. He had a four show weekend to do, after all, and he had a feeling that everyone was going to be a bit down the next day.

When they all hopped out of the cab, Andrew reached over to hug Kurt goodbye and whispered to him, “Don’t think so hard, Kurt. I’m proud of you.”

Kurt did his best to take Andrew’s advice and turn off his brain so that he could sleep.

* * *

 

**September 16th, 2018**

The next big event on their schedule was the Sunday after his opening. That Sunday was the official premier of Blaine's first TV show. He was playing a secondary character on an ABC family drama which had drawn nothing but complaints from Santana.

"Do I really have to spend the end of my weekend watching a TV show about alien high school students just because Anderson is on it? Can't you just summarize it for me, and I'll go to my room and watch porn?"

Kyle responded to this by throwing some popcorn at her and ignoring the death stare that she shot him in return. "Oh come on, Santana. Don't you want to be able to say you knew Blaine when?"

Santana caught the last piece of popcorn and popped it in her mouth. "I'm shoving the next thing you throw at me up your ass, Rosen, and don't think I won't. And no, I do not want to tell anyone that I know any of you nutcases. Especially not ones on tragic teen TV shows."

Kyle actually stopped throwing popcorn after that and stared into the bowl with extreme concentration.

Rachel came into the room carrying a plate of her famous "our high school friend is on TV" cookies and set them in front of Kurt. "We're all watching! Even you Santana. The New Directions members have an obligation to support each other's artistic endeavors. Even if some of them, such as TV shows about aliens posing as human high school students, aren't exactly art."

Kurt was content to watch the bickering unfold. He knew by now that Santana had no actual intention of skipping watching Blaine's show so there was no need to argue with her. It was true that Martian High wasn't exactly a show that any of them would voluntarily watch if it weren't for Blaine, but he figured they could always hate watch it—except for Blaine's parts, of course—if it turned out to be too stupid. Kurt had talked to Blaine a few times since he started filming, and Blaine sounded really encouraged about the effect that the show could have on his career, even if he admitted that it was a little silly. Silly teen TV shows had launched plenty of acting careers.

He flipped open his phone to text Sebastian instead of listening to them argue.

To Sebastian:  
You'll be happy to know that Santana's threats are just as graphic as ever. Have you decided what you want to do for the cabaret next month?

From Sebastian:  
I remain terrified to see this first hand. Who is she threatening?

To Sebastian:  
Kyle. She isn't excited about watching Blaine's TV show.

From Sebastian:  
Blaine has a TV show?

Kurt thought back over their conversations. He guessed they hadn't really talked much about what other McKinley grads were doing, aside from Rachel. But he was surprised they hadn't gotten around to talking about Blaine.

To Sebastian:  
Did we not talk about this? It's called Martian High and it's on ABC family on Sunday nights.

From Sebastian:  
Martian High? Good lord. Whoever named this thing should be shot. But my train wreck senses are tingling.

To Sebastian:  
You should definitely watch. If nothing else, we can mock it together.

Kurt figured that there was no way that Sebastian's commentary on this show wouldn't be hilarious.

From Sebastian:  
I'm in. I was thinking of asking Trent to come to Kyle's cabaret. I’ve been having trouble dragging him out of the house since he started grad school.

Kurt was thrown both at the backtrack in the conversation and the mention of Trent.

To Sebastian:  
Trent? As in Warbler Trent?

From Sebastian:  
How many mutual friends named Trent do we have?

To Sebastian:  
Trent's in New York? You still talk to him? I'm going to need a lot of explanation here.

He'd never gotten the impression that Trent and Sebastian were very good friends. Trent had always seemed a bit terrified of Sebastian, and he knew from Blaine that Trent had also been involved in the Warblers getting kicked out of regionals Sebastian's senior year. It didn't seem like a thing that would result in lasting bonds of friendship.

From Sebastian:  
Now look who’s out of the Ohio Show Choir gossip loop!

From Sebastian:  
Trent did a capella at Yale and we used to compete against each other. At some point we ended up talking through everything that happened at Dalton and he decided I was worth a second chance. So now we’re friends.

Kurt found this entirely puzzling. Even considering how much Sebastian had changed, it was still hard to picture him hanging out with Trent. What would they even talk about?

To Sebastian:  
You seem to be good at convincing people you deserve a second chance. And maybe even a third.

From Sebastian:  
Yeah, but that fourth one’s a sticking point. Anyways, Trent is working on his PhD in Developmental Genetics at NYU.

Kurt just stared at his phone for a second. It occurred to him that Trent doing a PhD in Developmental Genetics was possibly weirder than any of the changes in Sebastian over the last seven years.

To Sebastian:  
Does everyone from Dalton have a career I can’t understand? But yes, you should definitely bring Trent if he wants to come. I’d love to see him!

From Sebastian:  
Excellent, I’ll ask him. And probably warn him that Santana is going to be involved.

Kurt laughed at this. If Trent was anything like he’d been in high school, he would probably find Santana entirely overwhelming. Although, if he was regularly hanging out with Sebastian, he had to be used to at least some of it.

He caught Santana’s eye across the room, and she looked at him thoughtfully. “So who are you texting?” She asked, in an obviously feigned casual tone.

“Sebastian,” Kurt said. “But then I think you already guessed that.”

Santana nodded and continued to look at him as if she was trying to figure something out.

“He’s coming to Kyle’s show and bringing Trent,” Kurt said, hoping that continuing the conversation would get her to stop looking at him like that.

His ploy sort of worked. “So are we planning on my sharing a table with them?” Santana asked, and Kurt couldn’t miss the mischievous look in her eyes.

Kyle jumped in to answer for him. “Yeah, we were thinking that you, Sebastian, Matt, and apparently Trent would all sit together.”

Santana’s eyes widened for a split second. “Oh hell no,” she said. “Absolutely not. I will sit with Sebastian and Trent, but I am sure as fuck not spending two hours of my life with Lexie’s douchebag boyfriend. Come up with a new plan. I am not doing it.”

“Santana ...” Rachel tried to interject.

“Absolutely not, Barbara. It’s not going to happen. None of you like him either, so don’t pretend I’m being unreasonable.”

Kyle just sighed. “Of course we don’t like him, Santana. But we like Lexie, and she cares about him, so we’re going to put up with him.”

Kurt was amused at Kyle’s “of course we don’t like him.” Lexie was fairly legendary for having excellent taste in women and terrible taste in men. They’d never figured out why it happened but every guy she’d ever introduced them to was irritating at best. Every girl she’d ever introduced them to had become immediate friends with the rest of the group. Kyle had told them that this had been going on since Lexie had started dating.

Santana glared at him. “You can put up with him. I won’t. I’ll bring a date or something, and we can say my table’s full.”

At this point Kurt jumped in with a different thought. “So you have no problem sitting with Sebastian, but you won’t sit with Matt?”

“Sebastian makes me curious,” Santana said with a shrug. “Matt makes me want to kick him in the nuts.”

Rachel looked exasperated. “Come on, Santana. Where else are we going to put Matt?”

“Tell him to bring a friend, and stick them at the bar. Make him sit on the roof. I do not care. Just don’t put him with me.” Santana crossed her arms after that and turned the TV on to ABC family.

Rachel, Kyle, and Kurt shared a look. It was clear that they were going to have to come up with another plan. Santana was obviously not willing to negotiate on this one.

Luckily Blaine’s show started then and broke the tension in the room. They turned their attention to making fun of the ridiculous premise of the show and discussing how absolutely strange it was to see Blaine on TV. They all thought that Blaine was far better than anyone else on the show, although they might have been a bit biased.

When the show ended, Kurt shot a quick text to Blaine telling him to give Kurt a call when the madness died down and he had time. Blaine just responded with a smiley face and Kurt laughed. It was good to know that being on a TV show hadn’t made Blaine any less the ridiculous boy he’d always been.

* * *

 

**September 19th, 2018**

On Wednesday, Kurt awoke from a nap on the couch to the sound of the door slamming open. He jumped up and stared across the room to see Kyle and Lexie dropping their stuff by the door. “Why are people always throwing the door open these days?” Kurt groaned without moving.

“Kurt! You’re here! Is Rachel home?” Kyle said excitement obvious in his voice.

Kurt shot him that specific grumpy glare that can only come from someone who was asleep a moment ago and still would be if you hadn’t bothered them.

“Sorry,” Lexie said, her voice softer than Kyle’s. “Did we wake you?”

“Yes, but I suppose I didn’t need to keep sleeping. Rachel’s in your room mediating, Kyle.” Rachel had taken up meditation during her stint of unemployment the past few months and had gotten incredibly serious about it.

A minute later, Kyle walked into the room with Rachel looking as grumpy as Kurt felt. “This had better be good, you two. You know that I have to start over when you disturb my meditation.”

Kyle was smart enough to just cut to the chase. “John asked me to sit down with him at lunch today to talk about The Longest Distance, and I asked Lexie to come with us.”

Kurt immediately got up from the table and crossed the room to stand with them. Rachel straightened up and looked at Kyle expectantly.

It was Lexie who elaborated. “The first thing he said was that he thought we had something great on our hands. It needs work, just like any draft does, but we’ve done a great job. He thinks we should try to set up an industry reading after New Year’s.” Lexie couldn’t hide the excitement in her voice, which got louder as she spoke.

As soon as she finished, Rachel squeaked and threw herself at Kyle. Kurt laughed at Rachel’s enthusiasm and reached out to give Lexie a hug. After a minute, Kyle pulled away from Rachel and said, “He said something else you guys might be interested in.”

Kurt quirked an eyebrow at him and waited for him to explain.

Kyle grinned. “It was something to the effect of ‘who the hell is singing Jeremy on this demo? Because he’s fantastic, and you’d better be planning to keep him.’”

Kurt just gaped at him. He must have heard Kyle wrong. There was no way that Tony nominated composer John Francesco had actually said he was fantastic and that Kyle should make sure to keep him with the show. Kurt must have been having some sort of elaborate dream.

They all let him silently freak out for a minute before Kyle snapped his fingers in Kurt’s face. “You going to be okay there?”

Kurt just shook his head. Kyle laughed and reached out to pull Kurt into a hug. After a few seconds, Rachel threw her arms around both of them from one side and Lexie grabbed them from the other, making the hug officially a full group hug, which seemed to be how all of their celebrations ended.

Kurt started laughing and they all joined in. This was how they were standing when Santana walked through the door.

“Oh god, what the hell are you freaks doing now?” She said, but he could hear the fondness in her voice.

Lexie’s back was to Santana and she reached out to pull the other girl into the hug as she said, “John Francesco thinks Kyle and I have a great show, and he thinks we should produce a reading. Also he thinks that Kurt is the shit and we’re lucky to have him.”

Kurt could feel Santana slip her arm around his waist to join the hug. “So you’re saying Kyle’s big, fancy Broadway composer is capable of recognizing what the rest of us already know?” She said, but he could hear the smile in her voice.

“That’s exactly what we’re saying!” Kyle responded.

After another few seconds of hugging, they all began to disentangle themselves. “So when were you thinking of doing this reading?” Santana asked once they’d all separated.

“I think January is probably the earliest we could pull it together, but that would depend on getting money and a cast fairly quickly. John thinks we should send the script to Galina and see if she’d be willing to direct the reading.” Kyle looked a bit nervous at this last part. Galina Klopova was the director of The Secret Garden and was John’s most frequent collaborator. She’d already won a Tony for Best Direction of a Musical and she was only thirty-five years old. She was widely regarded as one of the most promising directorial talents working on Broadway right now. She’d worked with Kyle enough that she certainly knew him, but Kurt knew that Kyle would still be nervous to ask her.

“Between everyone we’ve worked with the past few years and all of our classmates, there’s no way the four of us can’t find you an impressive cast in the next month or so.” Rachel said, confidently.

“I am personally willing to find your lead!” Kurt said, with a smile.

Kyle elbowed him lightly. “Good, apparently I’m going to need you!”

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

**October 7th, 2018**

Kurt spent a significant amount of his down time for the next few weeks strategizing about how to best introduce—or reintroduce—his friends to Sebastian, or at least the portion of his down time where he wasn’t auditioning, preparing to audition, worrying about auditions, or talking to his agent about potential auditions.

He figured that it wasn’t entirely fair to just tell Sebastian and Trent to meet them at the show and let them handle Santana themselves. He ended up inviting the two of them to dinner with most of the cast of the cabaret, Lexie’s parents, and Santana. Kyle had worked with all of them before, and most of them were Kurt’s friends as well, so he figured he could ease Sebastian into the group before leaving him at a table with Santana and without Kurt as any kind of buffer.

He went out with Sebastian that Sunday night and let the other man critique his plan.

“You know that Santana is going to say what she’s going to say, and it doesn’t matter who is or isn’t there, right?” Sebastian said, giving Kurt a bemused smile.

Kurt sighed. “I know, but she did promise to give you a chance, so don’t start anything and hopefully she won’t either. You two might even like each other.” Kurt was never sure if Santana and Sebastian were so much alike that they should be friends or too much alike to ever get along.

Sebastian looked like he was about to protest but Kurt cut him off. “Don’t try to pretend that you never started anything. You can’t rewrite history with me. I have an excellent memory.”

Apparently Sebastian knew that he couldn’t win that argument so he changed the topic entirely. “So what are you singing tomorrow?”

Kurt knew that Sebastian had gotten the message, so he decided to ride the tangent. “Well, the show as a whole is going to be a few songs from Kyle and Lexie’s first two shows, a few stand alone songs that Kyle’s written, and one song from The Longest Distance. If you mean me specifically, I’m doing a song that Kyle wrote back when he was at Juilliard and had just discovered countertenors. I’ve been telling him I was going to sing it for years so it was kind of a no-brainer. Then I’m doing the song from The Longest Distance.”

Sebastian looked like he was thinking through something. “So the countertenor thing didn’t start with you?”

“Nope,” Kurt said with a laugh. “He had a few friends at Juilliard who sang countertenor that he found totally intriguing, so I think writing a musical with a significant countertenor part has been on his radar for a long time. He was definitely excited to meet me, though. Every other countertenor he’s worked with has been pursuing a classical career; I’m the first one he’s met in musical theatre.”

“I always knew you were a special snowflake,” Sebastian said, grinning at Kurt.

Kurt glared at Sebastian, but he knew his smile gave away the fact that he wasn’t actually angry. “And I always knew you were an asshole, but here we are.”

Sebastian just laughed and, after a minute, Kurt gave up his pretense of anger. Once his laughter died down, Sebastian returned to the topic of the cabaret. “So how’d Kyle decide to do a song from the new musical?”

“We went back and forth a bit, actually,” Kurt explained. “Ultimately Kyle and Lexie have a really great fanbase within the Broadway community and theatre fans, and it seemed like there was no downside to making sure everyone knew that they were working on a new show. The more people you have supporting a project, the better.”

Sebastian nodded and they ended up turning the conversation to a discussion of grassroots support, how theatre was financed, and what the future was. It actually ended up being a really interesting discussion. Sebastian and Kurt seemed to be able to talk forever without getting bored, but this topic was the one real intersection between their work interests.

Kurt was so engrossed in the discussion that he forgot to scold Sebastian when he once again picked up the check.

* * *

 

**October 8th, 2018**

Monday was a bit of a whirlwind. Everyone in the cast had already grabbed some time to run through their songs individually with Kyle and Lexie in the week since Secret Garden had opened, giving Kyle actual free time to work with. They’d all met up for the afternoon, though, to do one more run through of the music and work through the group number that ended the show. They’d also done their sound check at that point, so they were really cramming a lot into only a few hours.

Everyone was happy when they were able to leave at five and head out for dinner. Sebastian, Trent, Santana, and Matt weren’t the only significant others and friends who joined them, and they ended up being a fairly loud and raucous crowd. Luckily, Lexie had thought ahead and made a reservation at an Italian restaurant near the Public Theater.

Sebastian and Trent met them at the restaurant. Kurt was a little bit surprised to realize how excited he was to see Trent. When he saw the two of them standing by the door, he peeled off and walked over to give Trent a hug.

“Trent, oh my god! How are you? I didn’t even know you were in the city until Sebastian told me!” he said, pulling back to take a closer look at Trent. Aside from the fact that he wasn’t wearing a Dalton uniform, Trent managed to look almost exactly the same as when Kurt had last seen him. Kurt would have bet anything that Trent still got carded every time he went to a bar.

Trent laughed and gave a quick wave to Rachel, Kyle, Lexie, Andrew, and Santana who’d moved over to join them before answering Kurt’s question. “Well, I spend most of my time locked in a lab or an office, and the rest of it grading papers or doing homework, so it’s not exactly a surprise we haven’t run into each other.”

Kurt cringed inwardly at the description of graduate school life and was glad that he’d spent his first two years out of college traveling the country, even if it had meant moving from hotel room to hotel room, rather than locked in some academic building barely seeing the city he was in. Acting was exhausting and time consuming when it was going well, but he had a feeling it was a very different kind of exhausting from grad school.

He realized after a moment that he hadn’t bothered to introduce anyone and that it was probably his job. He introduced Sebastian and Trent to Lexie, Kyle, and Andrew and then said, “Of course, you guys remember Rachel and Santana.”

Trent smiled as Rachel pulled him in for a hug, and Santana shook his hand firmly. Kurt took a deep breath as the two turned their focus to Sebastian.

Santana smiled at Sebastian but Kurt could see the steel in her eyes. “Smythe,” she said without moving to greet him, “Kurt tells me you aren’t quite as psychopathic as you used to be.”

Sebastian kept his mouth shut as Rachel elbowed Santana. “Ignore her,” Rachel said, reaching out a hand to Sebastian. “We all do.”

Sebastian returned her handshake and Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that Santana was going to be the hard sell on Sebastian, but if he had Rachel on his side everything would be easier.

“Let’s go eat, okay?” Kyle said, trying to defuse things as always. Kurt smiled gratefully at him. Kyle always seemed to know when it was time to distract Rachel and Santana from whatever argument they were trying to start with each other or with anyone else.

As they moved inside, Kurt fell into step with Trent to ask him about what he’d been up to since high school.

He heard Santana’s voice behind him and realized that she’d managed to position herself next to Sebastian. Kurt had the sudden urge to throw himself between the two of them, but he knew he was going to be leaving them together later anyways, so he might as well let things play out.

“Kurt asked me to give you a second chance,” Santana said, her voice low but still audible.

“Kurt’s better than most people at giving second chances,” Sebastian replied.

Santana gave a short bark of laughter. “More than he should be, maybe. I don’t share this problem but we’ve been through a lot together over the years, so I’m going to do what he asks. But you only get one second chance with me.”

There was silence behind him for a second and then Sebastian said, “Noted.”

When they made it to their table, Kurt maneuvered them into seats so that Sebastian was sitting next to Kurt with Trent on his other side. Rachel and Kyle were across from them and Lexie and Matt were at the other end of the table. This was partially because Lexie and Kyle wanted to spread out and talk to everyone and partially to get Santana as far from Matt as possible. They’d taken her objections about Matt seriously, and the result had been that he was sitting with Lexie’s parents for the show.

They only had about an hour for dinner, and Kurt ended up eating slowly. There were too many people at the table that he hadn’t seen very much of since he got back from touring, and people kept shouting at him down the table. He was used to this kind of chaos from years in theatre and Glee club before that, but he had a feeling Sebastian wasn’t. Sebastian was fairly subdued sitting next to Kurt. He was talking to Trent and occasionally to Kyle and Rachel, who were making as much of an effort as possible to get to know him despite the fact that they were the center of attention. Kurt would have to remember to thank them for that later.

They’d been there for about forty five minutes when Sebastian slipped away from the table and up to the bar at the other end of the room. Kurt had barely had a chance to talk to Sebastian so he paused his conversation with one of Kyle’s Juilliard classmates to follow him.

When he reached the bar, he ran a hand down Sebastian’s back in greeting and Sebastian jumped slightly, clearly surprised to find Kurt standing next to him. He smiled when he saw Kurt but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Kurt asked, trying to keep his tone casual but not really succeeding. He reached out and tugged on Sebastian’s hand to lace their fingers together.

Sebastian looked down at their joined hands and then back up at Kurt. “It’s this mostly.”

Kurt was shocked. He didn’t really expect Sebastian to be having a problem with him. He tried to pull his hand back as he said, “Sebastian, if you don’t want to be here—”

Sebastian tightened his grip on Kurt’s hand, not letting him pull away. “It’s not that, Kurt. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. I thought you knew that.”

“I thought I did, too,” Kurt said with a sigh. “I mean, I know we haven’t talked about it, but I thought that was sort of the deal. We’ve never promised each other anything, and if either of us didn’t want to do this we’d stop.”

“That is the deal.” Sebastian looked down at the floor and shook his head. “I just don’t know what to do in a situation like this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act in front of your friends.”

Kurt was shocked to realize he hadn’t given this any thought. It occurred to him that he hadn’t touched Sebastian all night until that point, which wasn’t at all normal for them. It didn’t have anything to do with censoring his behavior around his friends, though. He’d just been distracted.

“The same way you’d act if they weren’t my friends,” Kurt said, once he’d finally settled on an answer.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him, clearly not expecting that. “I’m too old to care what they think about my choices,” Kurt continued.

As soon as Kurt finished speaking, Sebastian’s lips were against his, and Kurt moved to wrap his arms around Sebastian’s neck automatically. The kiss was quick and closed mouthed but it still made Kurt feel a bit more stable. When Sebastian pulled back, he smiled and said, “Okay, I can work with that.”

* * *

 

The cabaret went off really well. Kyle and Lexie amused everyone with their easy banter about the songs, and the crowd was obviously really excited to hear that they had a new show in the works. Kurt’s song from The Longest Distance was the last solo of the night and got the loudest applause.

After the show, Kyle reintroduced him to John Francesco. He’d met John before at other events of Kyle’s but had never sung in front of him before. John gripped his hand tightly and said, “That’s quite a voice. Kyle’s lucky to have you.”

Kurt blushed slightly under the compliment and said, “I’m lucky to get to work with him.”

John laughed and replied, “We all are,” which Kurt filed away to share with Kyle later and then John continued, “Don’t ever let anyone try to limit what you’re capable of.”

Kurt thanked him again and stood, looking a bit stunned as John walked off. Rachel had found then and looped her arm through his. “So that looked like it went well?”

“I’ll say! You’d think I’d be over being star struck by him by now.” Kurt worked on manoeuvring the two of them out of the bar and into the lobby as he spoke.

Rachel squeezed his arm and smiled. “I’m not sure that ever quite goes away. Even Kyle’s still a bit star struck at times. You’ve heard his ‘John Francesco is the smartest person I’ve ever met’ speech.”

Kurt had, in fact, heard this speech several times. Kyle usually gave it at least once per show, whenever John did something especially compelling musically and then pretty much at random when he was drunk. Kyle’s habit of being effusive about people he loved working with—or just loved—was one of his more endearing qualities. He would cheerfully tell Kurt that John wasn’t just smart about music, he was smart about _everything_ and then switch, with no warning, to telling him how pretty Rachel was. He was that kind of drunk.

Luckily, Kyle was fairly sober that evening and doing a good job working the crowd. He couldn’t say the same for Trent, Sebastian, and Santana.

When Kurt and Rachel had made it out to the lobby, they found Sebastian and Santana staring each other down while Trent giggled quietly into his hand. Kurt dropped Rachel’s arm and reach out to grab Sebastian’s shoulder and shake him a bit. “What’s going on?” He asked the three of them, hoping one of them was capable of answering.

Santana filled in the details, although she sounded more amused than angry, in contrast to her defensive stance. “Your boy here thinks he can out sing me!”

Sebastian snorted. “I may spend most of my time in a cubicle, but I know I can still out sing you. I’ve done it before.”

That, Kurt knew, was a fatal error. He was proven right when Santana’s eyes widened and she said, “Are you shitting me? You’ve out sung me before? Trust me, Smythe; you were not the winner in that particular battle.”

“Bullshit, Lopez,” Sebastian said, echoing back her use of his last name, “there may not have been witnesses, but I think we both know I won.”

Kurt was confused by that one. He turned to Rachel and raised an eyebrow, and she just shook her head. Neither of them had any idea what Santana and Sebastian were talking about. He decided not to question it since the two of them actually seemed to be getting along. Bickering, sure, but there wasn’t anywhere near as much bite behind the words as he’d expected.

“If you really think you can out sing me, you’re going to have to prove it in front of witnesses.” At that point Kurt realized that Santana had a plan. He wasn’t sure if he should stop her or see where it would lead.

Sebastian grinned and said, “Shouldn’t be too hard.”

Santana snorted. “You have no idea. Okay, you and me, Fourth Wall, the next Monday you’re in town. We both pick our own songs, and the audience chooses the winner.”

Sebastian agreed so Santana left them and walked over to Lexie. When she was gone, Sebastian turned to find Trent still giggling on his other side. “I have no idea what you find so funny!” He said a note of defensiveness in his voice.

Trent didn’t flinch at Sebastian’s snarkiness the way Kurt expected him too; he just laughed harder. Just another sign of how much things could change. “Yes you do, Sebastian, honestly,” Trent said, still laughing. Apparently Trent was a giddy sort of drunk. “You may have won Best Soloist at Nationals a year ago, but you have to know you’re about to get your ass handed to you.” More information for Kurt to file away and ask about later.

Sebastian shot Trent his haughtiest expression and, for a moment, looked more like sixteen year old Sebastian than Kurt had seen in a long time. After a minute, though, he rolled his eyes at the still-gleeful expression on Trent’s face and relented, turning back to Kurt and Rachel. “Do you guys think I’m going to get my ass handed to me?”

Kurt turned to Rachel and shared a look with her, then turned back to Sebastian. “Yeah, we do.”

“Definitely yes!” Rachel added.

“Your faith in me is staggering,” Sebastian said with a sigh.

Kurt reached out to rub Sebastian’s back, comfortingly. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nearly endlessly amused by the idea of Santana Lopez and Sebastian Smythe having a diva-off but he could still be nice about it.

Trent had finally stopped giggling and reached out to pat Sebastian on the shoulder. “To be fair, neither of them have heard you sing since high school,” he said.

“Yeah, but you have,” Sebastian said pointedly.

Trent just shrugged and smiled so Rachel jumped in. “I’m sure you can sing Sebastian, but competing against a capella-singing Ivy Leaguers is hardly comparable to competing against Santana Lopez. She won’t play by the same rules.”

“We’ll see,” he said. He appeared to give the topic up at that point and, instead, reached out to wrap his arm around Kurt’s shoulders and pull him in, saying, “You sounded gorgeous tonight.” He then looked at Rachel and added, “Both of you.”

Rachel blushed and Kurt smiled him. Trent added, “You guys really were amazing. Good thing neither of us tried to challenge either of you to a sing-off!”

Kurt and Rachel both started laughing. Kurt looked up and saw Sebastian glaring at Trent, who didn’t seem to notice. After a minute, Sebastian looked down at Kurt and said, “You know I used to terrify him? Why did I give that up?”

Trent just laughed so Kurt answered, “I think you gave it up so that actual human beings could stand to be around you.”

“I’m not sure I made the right call there,” Sebastian said, but his smile was genuine as he looked over at Trent so Kurt just pulled him closer. Kurt knew he didn’t need to say how glad he was that Sebastian had made the right choice.

* * *

 

**October 23rd, 2018**

Kurt got to settle into a sort of routine for most of October. The show was open, so, although they still had understudy rehearsals, they had no more major changes. He was doing the same show, in the same city, for an entire month. He went home every night to his own bed instead of to a hotel room. He loved his cast mates, but he didn’t have to live on top of them at all times. He kept auditioning, visited his vocal coach several times to make sure all his material was perfectly prepared, went to dance class whenever he had time, went to open mic nights with his roommates and friends, and fought with Santana.

Objectively, the whole thing wasn’t very remarkable. It was a typical month for a working actor in New York, but Kurt had never gotten to be a working actor in New York. He’d been a student in New York and then he’d joined the Wicked tour, which had been running on a schedule of one week per city. It was sort of an exhilarating experience, just getting to spend a whole month living his life the way he’d imagined it would be. Of course, the fact that he knew it would be over by the end of the October, and that he didn’t have another job lined up, did tend to bring him back down to earth.

He’d been very careful with his finances while he was on tour, and he had enough money to cover living expenses even if he wasn’t working very much for a few months, but he couldn’t afford for it to go on forever. He was definitely feeling anxiety about his future, but he was trying not to let it stop him from soaking in the moment.

Just now, soaking in the moment involved lying on the living room couch listening to Kyle play through the entire score of The Secret Garden on the piano in the corner. Kyle had a keyboard in his room that he could play with his headphones in, but since he played an actual piano in the pit for the show, practicing on a piano was easier. They’d all agreed that he could play it during the day as long as no one was sleeping. Kurt had been intending to send some emails before Kyle had asked if he minded listening to Secret Garden for a while, and he’d gotten distracted by the music.

The music was haunting and beautiful and made Kurt only a little jealous that Kyle had spent months getting to work on a project he loved so much. Kurt was enjoying the experience of just relaxing, listening, and occasionally singing along quietly without any particular plan. It was less than a week until What Women Want closed so the relaxation was definitely needed.

When Kyle finally played the last notes of the show, he turned on the piano bench to look at Kurt. “I’d ask if you were still awake, but you were just singing a nearly perfect version of [_How Could I Ever Know_](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/95857436086/how-could-i-ever-know-from-the-secret-garden)—you should do that at open mic night some time, by the way—not five minutes ago, so I assume you are.”

Kurt laughed, quietly. “Not asleep. But I do think I’ve entered some sort of zen-like state.”

“Does this mean you’ve taken Rachel’s approach to unemployment?” Kyle asked, with a smile.

Kurt sat up to face him. “Oh god, don’t even suggest it.” He was still waiting for Rachel to get over her intense meditation phase. She had enough quirks without a habit of telling people off for disrupting her “meditative exercises.”

Kyle laughed. “Good. I can only handle so much crazy at one time, and I’m engaged to Rachel so ...”

“So that doesn’t leave room for anyone else?” Kurt finished for him. Although, to be fair, Kyle did live with Kurt and Santana as well as Rachel, so he had to be better at putting up with crazy than most people.

“Not even a little bit,” Kyle said, moving from the piano bench and walking to the kitchen. “Do you want anything?” he asked over his shoulder.

Kurt decided he’d had enough of the couch; he had a show in a few hours and needed to get himself moving. He followed Kyle into the kitchen. “I could eat. What are you having?”

Kyle stared into the fridge for a moment and then popped his head up to say “Hummus and pita?”

The move reminded Kurt so strongly of a gopher popping out of its hole that he developed a strong case of the giggles. He nodded at Kyle to let him know that his choice of snack was fine and then tried to get his laughter under control.

“When you’re finished ...” Kyle said, feigning annoyance at Kurt’s struggle to stop laughing. When Kurt was finally calm, Kyle continued, “See if I ever do anything for you again!”

Kurt reached out to pat his shoulder lightly. “I’m sorry I wounded you,” he said, making sure his voice sounded serious and contrite.

Kyle sniffed quietly and then took a deep breath as if he’d been crying but was on the verge of pulling himself together. He raised his head slowly to meet Kurt’s eyes and placed his opposite hand over Kurt’s hand on his shoulder. “I think ... I think I’m going to be okay. I can take it.”

“You’re so brave,” Kurt said, holding back his laughter. Then, to transition them off the topic of Kyle’s emotional fortitude, he continued, “So would now be a bad time to ask you about my audition next week?”

The audition had been scheduled by Kurt’s agent, like most of his auditions these days. It was a great opportunity for him, and he knew that he was right for the part. He also knew that those auditions could sometimes be the most frustrating. He’d been over everything with his vocal coach and felt confident about the material he’d selected for his audition book, but Kyle had sat in on plenty of auditions, and Kurt always valued his input.

“Yes! This is a terrible time!” Kyle said, crossing his arms. “No, just kidding. What are you auditioning for?”

Kurt sighed and plopped down on one of the stools by the counter. “Next to Normal at New World Stages.”

“Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot they were doing that. Gabe would be a fabulous part for you!” Kyle said, sounding excited. “I assume that’s who they want you for?”

Gabe was the son in the musical and was, of course, exactly the character that Kurt was being seen for. It wasn’t exactly a surprise that Kyle had guessed correctly; there were only two younger male characters and Henry, the daughter’s stoner boyfriend, would have been an odd choice for Kurt.

“No, Kyle, I really think Diana speaks to my soul,” he said, sarcastically.

Kyle laughed. “Okay, so we’re shooting at Gabe. When’s the audition?”

Kurt raised his eyebrows. “Let’s not shoot at anyone. It’s a week from Friday. November 2nd.”

“Hush, you know what I mean,” Kyle said and pushed on Kurt’s shoulder lightly. “What song are you going to start with?”

“I was thinking ‘[Left Behind’](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/95857630711/left-behind-from-spring-awakening-performed-by)? From Spring Awakening?”

Kyle tilted his head in thought and looked at Kurt for a moment. “I’ve never heard you sing that one. Should be the right fit for your voice, though. And the mood is right. Mind singing it for me?”

Kurt hadn’t exactly been expecting to have to sing just then, but he really didn’t mind, so he nodded at Kyle and walked back to his room to get his book. When he walked back into the living room, Kyle handed him a glass of water which he drank slowly as Kyle looked at the music. “You start at the beginning?”

“Yep!” Kurt said and then Kyle, being Kyle, ran him through some vocal warm ups before he started to play the song. After a bit of an intro, Kurt started to sing, “ _You fold his hands and smooth his tie, you gently lift his chin. Were you really so blind and unkind to him?_ ”

Kyle played through the whole song and, at the end, looked up at Kurt and said, “You’ll do.” Then he pretended to get up and said, “Excuse me, I have to go back to my room and cry.”

Kurt laughed and then took a moment to breathe. He knew that the audition was more than a week away and that he had the closing of his show to get through first, on the 28th, so he didn’t think he could maintain this sense of calm about it through everything. But just then he felt like he was ready for it.

* * *

 


	5. Chapter 5

**October 29th, 2018**

What Women Want: The Musical ended without much fanfare. There were tears, and hugs, and wishes to work together again soon and, for no explainable reason, a lot of tequila. Kurt and tequila had never gotten along very well. That Monday morning, he was hard pressed to remember what he’d been thinking when he’d agreed—more than once—to do shots with the rest of the cast.

The light was far too bright when he woke up, but he really didn’t feel prepared to stand up and close the shades. He pulled a pillow over his face and contemplated whether it was a cliché to spend his first day of unemployment hung over and refusing to get out of bed. He was just starting to drift off to sleep again when his phone rang. The sound went right through his head, and he groaned, but, knowing his friends, if he silenced the call they’d only call him again.

Kurt threw his hand over to the end table and grabbed for his phone. When he looked at the screen, he saw Sebastian’s name. He was too surprised to answer at first. He and Sebastian texted all the time, but neither of them had ever actually picked the phone up and called the other. Kurt had no idea why Sebastian had decided to change that, but as he stared at the picture on his phone he suddenly remembered that he’d done quite a lot of texting the night before and that most of it had been to Sebastian. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d said, but he had a feeling it was at least a bit embarrassing.

Kurt realized that he was still staring at the phone and quickly picked up the call, electing to answer by groaning at Sebastian and saying, “Oh god, why is it ringing?”

Sebastian laughed and replied, “Hello to you, too, Sleeping Beauty!” in a painfully cheerful voice that Kurt knew must have been specifically to hurt him, because there was no way that particular tone of voice was one Sebastian actually used.

“Why are you such an asshole?” Kurt asked, squinting his eyes up at the ceiling and trying to remember if he had any Advil in the house.

Sebastian switched to a distinctly flirty tone. “That’s not what you said last night.”

Kurt seriously considered just hanging up on Sebastian. He resented that the other man had an upper hand on this. He figured that would be rude, though, even if Sebastian had obviously called just to make him miserable. “Oh God, Sebastian, I don’t even know what I said last night.”

Sebastian laughed at him again, and Kurt decided he hated him just a little for enjoying this so much. “Well,” Sebastian said, “I’m just really happy to know how glad you are that we’re friends now.” Kurt exhaled slightly. That wasn’t too bad. He was glad that he and Sebastian were friends, and he didn’t really mind who knew it. “And that you’re surprised that I turned out to be so tolerable.” Okay, that was a bit worse. “And that you dedicate large amounts of your free time to thinking about my ass.” Shit. That was, of course, also true and not really his fault; he blamed Sebastian’s suit pants.

Kurt had pulled his phone away from his face to stare at it in shock. After a minute, he heard Sebastian’s voice coming from the phone. “Kurt? Kurt? Did you fall asleep? Hello?”

He pulled the phone back down from his ear. “You know it’s noon on a weekday?” he asked. He’d decided that the only way out of this conversation was to simply not explain.

“Yes, I’ve noticed. Like a normal person, I’ve actually been awake for about six hours now.” Sebastian was using his sarcastic voice, but he was clearly failing to keep the fondness out of it. “I’m out to lunch.”

That would explain why Sebastian was able to call him in the middle of the day to repeat Kurt’s drunk texts back to him. “Not that I’m not always thrilled to hear from you, Sebastian, even at times when literally every part of my body hurts, but did you call just to mock me or was there something you needed?”

“You stopped texting around 2am and I wasn’t sure if you’d gotten home,” Sebastian said, softly, and it occurred to Kurt that Sebastian sounded a bit embarrassed. Kurt felt a bit guilty that he’d made Sebastian worry, but the feeling was drowned out by the warmth spreading through him at the knowledge that Sebastian had cared enough to call on his lunch break to make sure that Kurt was alright. Before Kurt could think of anything to say to this revelation, Sebastian was speaking again. “I also wanted to know if it would be weird to bring a guitar to the bar next week, since apparently I have to have a non-a capella showdown.”

This gave Kurt pause. Open mic night at Fourth Wall pub was exactly the kind of place where this wouldn't be at all weird. Sebastian bringing a guitar anywhere, however, would be pretty weird. “Wait, you play guitar?”

“I think I might be offended by the tone of shock,” Sebastian said, but Kurt could hear in his voice that he was enjoying being able to surprise Kurt. “I’ve been playing since I was a kid.”

Kurt decided he would add this information to his pile of things about Sebastian to sort out some other time. Sometime when he wasn’t hung over. “See, now that I didn’t see coming,” he said finally. “You can bring one, but most people just steal instruments from the band.”

Sebastian laughed and, even though his head still hurt, Kurt remembered why he’d grown attached to the sound of Sebastian’s laughter. “Don’t get to thinking you know all of my secrets, Kurt Hummel.”

“I would never make that mistake,” Kurt replied, his voice very serious.

“Good,” Sebastian said. “I have to go back to work. Go drink some water and take some Advil. I’ll see you Sunday.”

Kurt decided he resented the implication that he needed instructions on how to take care of himself. “Thanks for the advice. It would be totally useful if this were my _first_ hangover.”

Sebastian snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Hey, Kurt?”

“Mhm”

“Break a leg at your audition on Friday,” Sebastian said, his voice quiet again.

Kurt felt that sense of warmth run through him again. “Thanks, Sebastian. And thanks for calling, even if your voice does sort of make me feel like I’m going to die right now.”

Sebastian responded by laughing long enough that Kurt gave up and hung up the phone.

* * *

 

**November 2nd - November 3rd, 2018**

Kurt’s audition went as close to perfectly as any audition ever did. He sang “Left Behind” as well as he could, which, if he was being honest, he knew was impressively well. He’d been asked to sing another piece, and at the end of the audition everyone in the room had complimented him. He’d been auditioning long enough to know that all of that might mean very little, but he was hopeful about getting a callback. The only thing he could do at that point was wait.

It turned out that having planned to do basically nothing all week aside from his audition was a bad idea. Kurt had thought he’d be excited to finally have a week off, but by Wednesday he’d run out of things to do around the apartment but worry. After his audition on Friday, he and Rachel managed to win the lottery for The Secret Garden. Kurt hadn’t been able to see it yet because their schedule was the same as his What Women Want schedule. Rachel had gone to opening night with Kyle, but she always enjoyed getting to point to his name in the program. And, as she pointed out, she and Kurt hadn’t been to a Broadway show together in ages. They could have used Kyle’s discount to get tickets, but, as it turned out, the discount wasn’t even that good. Lottery was a much better deal. A few people gave Rachel slightly strange looks when her name was called, and Kurt had a feeling that they recognized her from the cast of Wonder.

The show had been just as amazing as Kurt had expected it to be, and he and Rachel both ended up covertly wiping away tears by the end. On the subway ride home, Rachel lamented that she’d never gotten to play Mary. Kurt was busy trying to figure out if he could convince Kyle to sing “Lily’s Eyes” with him because it had to be one of the best duets for two men ever written for the Broadway stage.

After the nerves leading up to his audition Friday, Kurt had expected to be happy to take the day off on Saturday, but he’d only ended up feeling restless. Santana had gone away for the weekend with some of her coworkers and Kyle and Rachel had gone to Brooklyn for a birthday party with Kyle’s Juilliard friends. That had left Kurt with no one to distract him, and, as a result, he’d dedicated the day to deep cleaning the apartment. By the time Rachel and Kyle got home, the apartment was spotless and Kurt smelled distinctly of bleach.

“Are you okay, Kurt?” Rachel asked when she found him sitting on the floor in the bathroom. “Because I’m pretty sure the last time you tried scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush was after you and Luis broke up junior year.”

Kurt flinched at the mention of his college boyfriend. Luis had been a lighting design major in Kurt’s year at NYADA. The tech kids ran in different social circles, so Kurt hadn’t really gotten the chance to talk to him until they’d worked together on a show their sophomore year. Kurt had fallen in love with Luis’s awkwardness, his sweetness, and his intelligence once they’d gotten to know each other. They’d been together for just over a year when Luis had ended it. He’d said he thought that Kurt was too single minded and focused on his career to have room in his life for a relationship at that point. The breakup, and the reasons for it, had thrown Kurt completely off balance. He’d spent a significant amount of time both mourning the end of his relationship and dealing with his freak out over whether he was going to be alone forever. This had involved a lot of cleaning.

“I’m not falling apart or anything, Rach. I’m just not very good at being unemployed.” Kurt couldn’t decide if he was hoping he’d get used to it or hoping that he wouldn’t.

Rachel raised her eyebrows at him and pointed at the toothbrush in his hand. “I would never have guessed.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and said, “At least I didn’t take up meditation!”

“My meditation doesn’t make the entire house smell like completely unnatural cleaning products. Really, Kurt, we’re probably all going to grow extra limbs from the bleach exposure.” She crossed her arms and glared at him for a moment but then started giggling. Kurt laughed with her, leaning back against the tub and looking up at her. He enjoyed these moments with Rachel, the ones where she noticed how intense she was and could laugh at herself for it. That was something of a new development in the last few years. He didn’t think she’d ever stop being the over the top girl he’d met in Lima, but as an adult she was much more aware of how ridiculous she could sometimes be.

After a few minutes, he let her pull him to his feet and drag him out of the bathroom, insisting that he stop cleaning and watch a movie with them.

* * *

 

**November 4th, 2014**

By the time Sebastian arrived on Sunday afternoon, Kurt was completely unable to stay in his apartment any longer. It was a warm day for November and Kurt was too hot inside with all of his layers, so instead he waited on the sidewalk in front of Sebastian’s hotel.

As soon as Sebastian stepped out of his cab, Kurt grabbed him and said, “You have to take me somewhere! Anywhere! Please! I’m going crazy!”

Sebastian laughed. “Well hello to you, too.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian but reached out to pull him in for a kiss, wrapping his hands around the lapels of Sebastian’s wool coat as Sebastian rested his hands on Kurt’s waist.

“Better?” Kurt said, once he broke the kiss, and Sebastian nodded. “Now can you get me out of here?”

Sebastian leered at him. “So you’re saying that showing you my room wouldn’t count?”

Of course, Kurt should have expected that would be Sebastian’s suggestion. “Yeah, no, that wouldn’t count. I’ve seen the hotel rooms here. They’re nice. But I’ve been trapped in my apartment all week, and I need to _do something_.”

Sebastian held up both hands in front of him, and Kurt realized that he probably did sound pretty intense. “Okay,” Sebastian said, “Okay. Let’s take my stuff up to my room—we can do that much, right?” Kurt nodded. “And then we’ll think of something to do.”

They ended up deciding to go for coffee before dinner. The coffee shop was crowded and too loud for conversation, so, after a few minutes of trying to shout over the mass of people, they took their coffee to go.

They walked a few blocks further uptown to Washington Square Park and sat on a bench to people watch. The park wasn’t crowded, but since it was a fairly mild day there were plenty of people milling around.

Kurt told Sebastian about his audition in detail, and Sebastian told him about the frustrating meeting he’d had Friday. After talking for a few minutes, they noticed two teenagers standing a few yards away and screaming at each other.

Sebastian gestured towards them slightly and said, “Ah, youth.”

Kurt laughed. Somehow watching teenagers fight always made him think of his Glee friends. “You know, I think we’re supposed to feel nostalgic for our teen years. Or at least feel that adulthood is really difficult and we might be willing to deal with it all again in exchange for not having to generate income.”

“Not so much?” Sebastian asked with a smile.

“Not at all. I had great friends back then, and I don’t think I’d be who I am without them, but I was terrible at being a teenager. I’m so much better at adulthood.” He might have to revise his opinion if he couldn’t find another job soon, but, as of that point, he was pretty sure that the stress of unemployment had nothing on the daily torture of being a student at William McKinley High School.

Sebastian appeared to think about this for a moment before saying, “I think I might have been objectively better at being a teenager. I’m shit at adulthood. But then, no one liked me when I was a teenager, so it’s kind of a trade off.”

Kurt wasn’t sure whether intimidating everyone you knew counted as being good at being a teenager, but, given the way many teenagers seemed to view the world, he supposed it probably did. The mention of Sebastian’s teen years did bring up a question he’d been wondering about for ages. “Sebastian, can I ask you something?”

“You usually do,” Sebastian said and winked at him.

Kurt glared at Sebastian and then continued. “Where were you before you transferred to Dalton?”

Apparently Kurt had managed to surprise Sebastian with that question because he just stared at Kurt for a minute before answering. “I really was in Paris, actually. At the boarding school my father went to. My family had been going there for a hundred years or something. Old money and all that crap.”

The entire concept of “old money” was foreign to Kurt to say nothing of the idea of sending your kid overseas for boarding school. “So why did you come back?”

Sebastian laughed. “I got kicked out, actually. I was always in trouble and managed to cross a few too many lines while I was there. My behavior at Dalton was actually an improvement over my behavior in Paris.”

“That’s hard to believe,” Kurt said, with a smile. He could feel the slight tension in Sebastian’s shoulder where it was pressed against his own. Mentions of his past mistakes always seemed to get to Sebastian and Kurt was a bit sorry he’d stumbled into the topic. He shifted slightly and lifted his hand to rub over Sebastian’s back. Sebastian relaxed at the contact and leaned into Kurt with a smile.

After a few minutes, Sebastian glanced back over to the teenagers who had started their conversation, and Kurt followed his gaze. They’d stopped yelling and were now making out in a way that was definitely inappropriate for a public place. Sebastian looked back over at him and said, “Well, we should have expected it to end that way, I suppose.”

Kurt smiled. “It always did with my friends! Let’s get out of here and grab dinner before that situation gets any more horrifying.”

Sebastian nodded and stood, offering Kurt a hand up. He laced their fingers together as they walked out of the park in search of dinner.

* * *

 

**November 5th, 2018**

Kurt and Sebastian met Kyle, Rachel, Santana, Lexie, and Matt outside of Fourth Wall on Monday night. When they arrived, Kurt’s friends were already standing in front of the bar. Santana was standing on the opposite side of the group from Matt and glaring at him without any attempt to hide her feelings, so Kurt guessed that they’d already been fighting. Clearly the night was starting off well.

Santana turned her glare on Kurt and Sebastian when they walked up and Kurt waited to see who would speak first. “I hope you didn’t bring a knife to a gunfight, Smythe,” Santana finally said and the statement actually seemed to break the tension somewhat.

Sebastian smiled at her evilly. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Lopez.”

Lexie seemed to realize that their staring match could go on for quite a while, so she grabbed Matt and dragged him through the door, forcing everyone to follow her.

Once they had grabbed their table, Kurt and Santana went to sign them all up for open mic night slots— except for Matt, who was completely tone deaf. Santana included this fact in her long list of things that were wrong with Matt.

The group fell into easy conversation and, as long as Santana didn’t actually look at Matt, they seemed to be able to keep the peace. Rachel got Sebastian talking about Boston, saying she’d never been, and Kyle and Lexie spent most of the conversation interjecting with stories about the field trips their summer camp used to take to Boston when they were kids. Kurt had been to Boston twice on tour, so he had a few anecdotes of his own to throw in, along with complaints about the fact that “the T just _stops running,”_ and “the bars close at 2am!” which had been his cast’s chief issues while they were there.

Kyle was the first person in their group to sing, and, because he was Kyle, he sang Sara Bareilles’s “[Gonna Get Over You](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/96572916366/gonna-get-over-you-by-sara-bereilles)” to the amusement of all of their friends in the bar. Lexie was up next to sing “[Hold On](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/96574153986/celia-keenan-bolger-performing-hold-on-from-the)” from The Secret Garden, which, judging by Kyle’s groan when she started singing, was specifically to mess with him.

When she hopped back into her chair after the song, Kyle said, “I just told you how excited I was to go an entire day without hearing that show! Only a few hours ago! Did you just have that prepared and waiting?”

Lexie took a sip of her drink and stared at him for a moment before saying, “I may not have had to use it since freshman year of high school, but it was my audition song for three years! Did you think I’d forgotten how to sing it?”

Kyle gave a long suffering sigh. “I’d hoped you had.”

“Pull yourself out of your misery, Kyle,” Kurt said, patting him on the back. “Rachel and I are going to sing now.”

Kyle grabbed his drink and downed the rest of it. “Okay. But for the record, I still can’t believe you two are doing this song.”

Kurt laughed and stood up. They were doing this song because it was ridiculous when they sang it. That was kind of the point. “Well don’t kill your liver over it!”

“What are you singing, and why does it drive Kyle to drink?” Sebastian asked, looking up at him from his seat.

“It’s better that we don’t try to explain. You’ll see.” Kurt looked around the table at that point and realized he was leaving Sebastian at the table with Lexie, Santana, and Matt, with only Kyle to keep the peace. There was no help for it, though, so he would just have to hope that everyone was still alive when he got back.

When they got up to the small stage at the front, Rachel grabbed one of the mics and said, “Hi everyone! For those who don’t know us, I’m Rachel and this is Kurt. We wanted to sing this song because we’ve been best friends since high school!”

Kurt grinned over at her and waited for Brad, Fourth Wall’s pianist, to start playing. Kurt started [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/96574346071/emma-hunton-and-f-michael-haynie-perform-pinch), and Rachel played off of him as they went back and forth with the lyrics. He heard people in the crowd start to laugh as they realized what the song was about. _“He’s just so sweet.” “I can't believe ...””We go way back.” “It had to end.” “Holy shit, did I really just have sex with my best friend?”_ They hadn’t done this as much lately as they used to, and Kurt realized that he’d missed singing with Rachel.

They both took a bow afterwards and headed back to their friends. As they started towards the back of the room, Kurt could see that Sebastian had his head down on the table, and Lexie was rubbing his back while laughing. Even Santana was smiling. She rolled her eyes when Kurt caught her eye.

“How are we supposed to have a sing off when you’ve obviously killed him?” Santana asked as she got up to let Kurt slip back into the booth.

As Santana spoke, Sebastian picked his head up and inhaled deeply, trying to pull himself back together. Kurt moved into the booth next to him as he did and waited for him to catch his breath.

When everyone was assembled at the table and breathing normally, Santana turned to Sebastian and said, “Okay, we’re next. So here’s the wager: the audience decides who wins, winner gets Kurt, and the loser has to buy the winner’s drinks for the rest of the night.”

Kurt snapped his head to the side to look at her when she said his name. “One, the winner does not ‘get Kurt’. I’m not a prize, and neither of you two is capable of the upkeep. Two, Santana, what would you even do with me if you won me?”

Santana just looked at him like he was out of his mind. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Okay, so taking Kurt off the table. Loser buys drinks for the winner for the rest of the night and the next time I’m in town?” Sebastian said, and Kurt shot him a grateful smile for jumping in to save him from Santana’s particular brand of crazy.

“Whatever, fine. But you’re going first, Smythe,” Santana said. Kurt was pretty sure she’d intended to make Sebastian go first either way, but the fact that he’d sided with Kurt had given her a convenient excuse.

Sebastian just sighed and gave Kurt a distressed look before pulling himself out of the booth and following Lexie up to the stage. Kurt understood. Arguing with Santana was exhausting.

When they reached the stage, Lexie walked up to the mic while Sebastian walked over to the band and grabbed a guitar. “Hey everyone, we have to ask you for a bit of help. This is my friend Sebastian ...” He turned to the crowd and gave a small wave as she said his name. “Sebastian has, foolishly, challenged Santana to a sing off, so we’re going to need you guys to help choose a winner after they sing. Thanks!” Lexie hopped off the stage as soon as she finished and walked back towards them. Their friends in the audience applauded her. This was far from the first time that the crowd at Fourth Wall had been asked to decide the winner of a sing off, and they always seemed pretty happy about it.

After another few seconds, Sebastian seemed to be ready. He stepped up to the mic with his guitar in front of him and, instead of providing any further information about what he was going to sing, he just started playing. As soon as Kurt heard the opening few chords, he recognized [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/96574795481/ben-hope-performs-leave-from-once-the-musical) and knew exactly why Sebastian needed the guitar. He also had a feeling that he could guess why Sebastian had chosen this particular song; it certainly wasn’t One Direction or anything written before 1960.

“ _I hope you feel better now that it’s out. What took you so long? And the truth has a habit of falling out of your mouth. Well now that it’s come, if you don’t mind, leave._ ” Rachel caught Kurt’s eye and raised an eyebrow as Sebastian sang. Kurt just shook his head and went back to staring at the man on stage. He hadn’t known Sebastian was capable of this, either. There was no sign of the perfectly polished boy in a Dalton jacket on the stage now. The performance was more raw, more emotional than Kurt had thought Sebastian would ever even attempt to be. He had no idea when Sebastian had learned to sing like the words meant something, but it occurred to him now that this sing off might be a lot closer than they’d expected.

Sebastian thanked the crowd and introduced Santana when he finished the song and then walked back towards the table. As he passed Santana, Kurt saw her give him a nod, and he wondered what it meant. Sebastian grinned as he sat back down next to Kurt, and Kurt laced their fingers together.

Kurt let his friends gush over Sebastian for a minute while he considered the other man. Finally he said, “That was not what I expected.”

If possible, Sebastian’s smiled even more widely. “Good surprise?”

“Very good,” Kurt said with a laugh, and then the two of them turned to watch Santana.

Kurt already knew what kind of emotion Santana was capable of putting into a song, and she seemed to have gone in the same direction as Sebastian. “ _If I stayed with you, I would live a lie. For you deserve a love this heart cannot provide. So I’ll wish you well and be on my way.”_

He hadn’t heard her sing this [particular song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/96575218641/caissie-levy-performs-kiss-the-air-by-scot-alan) before, but it turned out to be a perfect fit for her voice and, of course, she killed it. The performance was real enough that he wondered where exactly it was coming from. With Sebastian, he already knew.

After Santana finished, Lexie hopped back up on stage to ask the crowd to vote. Kurt wasn’t sure how it was going to go. Both of his friends had given excellent, emotional performances, and he honestly couldn’t quite choose between them. In the end, the crowd didn’t fall that strongly to one side or the other, either. Lexie had them vote by clapping for their favorite and, when she couldn’t tell the difference between the two, she ended up trying to count raised hands in the crowded bar. In the end, she determined that Santana had won by about two votes.

When Lexie had finally decided, Sebastian turned to Santana and held out a hand. “Congratulations, Lopez. You earned it.”

Santana looked more than a little bit surprised as she took Sebastian’s hand and shook it. “You were a much worthier opponent than I was expecting, Smythe.”

Sebastian laughed and motioned for her to get up. “Looks like I have drinks to buy.”

When Sebastian was gone, Santana turned to Kurt and said, “So that was interesting.”

“In more ways than one,” Kurt confirmed.

They were talking quietly enough that the others, who were having their own conversation, couldn’t hear them, so Kurt felt safe enough to ask, “Are you okay, Santana?”

Santana raised both eyebrows at him in a look of obviously confusion. “What? Because of the song?”He nodded. “I’m fine. Those feelings are very old. Not sure about your boy, though.”

Kurt was surprised. First of all, because he wasn’t sure exactly how old her feelings were, and second, because she’d thought about why Sebastian’s song had been so intense. “I think he’s still getting over a serious break up. And he’s not my boy.” Kurt was actually pretty sure that “Leave” had been about Tad, but he didn’t think Sebastian would appreciate him talking about it to Santana.

“Keep telling yourself that. I’ve seen the way you smile and giggle whenever you’re texting him. It would be cute if it weren’t so nauseating.” Her eyes were dancing as she said this and he could tell she thought she’d caught him the way she always seemed to.

Sure, Kurt probably smiled when he texted Sebastian. He probably smiled when he texted Rachel, too. He didn’t like that Santana was implying he had more feelings for Sebastian than he really did. After all, Sebastian had been singing about his ex just a few minutes ago. Kurt was stupid enough to have feelings for someone who still wasn’t over their last break up. “You’re dreaming, Santana.”

“I’m just saying, Hummel. You’re going to owe me a dance.” He looked around the bar in confusion. No one was dancing. People rarely danced at Fourth Wall; it wasn’t that kind of place. She noticed his confusion and grinned evilly. “No, not now. At your wedding.”

He snorted. He and Sebastian may have come a long way in the last few months, but the idea of them getting married was entirely ridiculous. Although he supposed that Santana probably wasn’t the only one of his friends who thought that there was more to Sebastian and Kurt than just friends who occasionally slept together. “You’re going to be waiting a long time,” he finally said.

“You’ll see,” She said, patting him on the head. “My psychic Mexican third eye is never wrong.”

* * *

 

By the time he and Sebastian got on the subway back to his hotel, Kurt was fairly tipsy and very tired. The combination always seemed to make him a bit giggly and prone to oversharing. When they were finally sitting on the train, Kurt leaned his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and snuggled into him. Sebastian laughed and wrapped an arm around him.

“You had fun with my friends. You _like_ my friends,” He said, his voice sleepy but happy.

Sebastian tightened the arm around his waist. “You’re right. I did.”

Kurt could hear the fondness in his voice, and he had a feeling Sebastian wasn’t even trying to hide it. Sebastian getting along with his friends was great. It meant that he and Sebastian could hang out all the time. Sebastian could come over to his apartment.

Suddenly a question occurred to Kurt. “Sebastian?” He said, pulling back slightly to get a better look at the other man. Sebastian just looked at Kurt and waited for him to continue. “Why do you always wait until Sunday to come to the city? You never come for the weekend.”

Sebastian smiled and reached out to push a piece of Kurt’s hair out of his eyes. “My company only pays for the hotel on nights when I need to be here. So they pay Sunday and Monday, but if I wanted to be here any extra time I’d have to pay for those nights. New York hotel prices make me too angry to actually do it unless I have a good reason.”

Kurt nodded like this made sense and then thought about it for a few more minutes. “So the only reason you don’t come for entire weekends is the hotel cost?” Sebastian nodded in return. “That’s stupid. I have a bed, and it lives here all the time.”

That made Sebastian laugh. Kurt decided he didn’t enjoy being laughed at, so he pulled away further and crossed his arms, shooting Sebastian a grumpy expression.

“You should stop. You’re far too adorable when you pout,” Sebastian said and then pulled Kurt back into him. “I already intrude on your life once a month. Staying at your apartment seems like a bit much.”

Kurt reached up to turn Sebastian’s face towards him and kiss him softly. “You aren’t an intrusion. I like having you here.”

Sebastian tightened his arms around Kurt again. “Okay, how about this? If you still want me to come stay with you when you’re sober and awake, I’ll say yes. And if you don’t, I won’t be upset.”

Kurt nodded in agreement and then realized the train was slowing at their stop. He stood and pulled Sebastian up. They walked, hand in hand, back to Sebastian’s hotel.

When Kurt woke up for the first time the next morning, it was to Sebastian’s usual goodbye. He kissed Kurt sweetly and told him he’d talk to him later. Kurt managed to stay awake long enough to tell Sebastian to have a good day before drifting off again.

When Kurt woke up the second time, he was really awake. The room was empty of Sebastian’s possessions, the way it always was on Tuesday morning, and Kurt couldn’t help missing him a bit: couldn’t help wanting to wake up with Sebastian on a morning when he didn’t have to leave Kurt to go to work.

Kurt rolled over to grab his phone so he could text Sebastian. When he got a good look at his phone, he started laughing.

To Sebastian:  
Did you change the lock screen on my phone to a picture of your butt?

From Sebastian:  
Not without help . . .

Kurt had a feeling he knew which one of his friends would have decided to help Sebastian with this one.

To Sebastian:  
Remember when I said I wanted you and Santana to get along? Screw that. You should hate each other.

From Sebastian:  
Too late.

Kurt sighed. He was definitely in trouble, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now, so instead he sent the text he’d originally been planning.

To Sebastian:  
Hey, you should come stay at my apartment the next time you have to be in town. You can come on Friday and actually get to hang out in New York for a weekend!

From Sebastian:  
Yes.

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6

**November 8th, 2018**

On Thursday, Kurt, Rachel, Kyle, and Lexie were having lunch at a restaurant in Astoria and discussing the reading of The Longest Distance. They’d officially set the date for the reading as January 22nd and the director of Secret Garden, Galina, had actually agreed to direct it. It wasn’t really clear to Kurt whether Kyle and Lexie were more excited or terrified about that fact.

They spent most of lunch brainstorming casting choices. Casting for the reading would likely end up being an odd sort of combination of people that everyone else involved knew from one thing or another. It was definitely a “call in your connections” kind of moment. Obviously they wanted the casting to make sense, but it wasn’t critical that it be perfect the way it would be once they were actually performing the show. Galina would have ideas, of course, but that didn’t stop them from brainstorming about people they knew who might be able to fill roles.

“I still think you should ask Andrew to play Ian,” Rachel said, as she stole a fry from Kyle’s plate. Kyle stared at his pile of fries for a moment as if trying to figure out why they were leaving him.

Ian was the main character’s love interest in the musical, and there was a certain eccentric dorkiness about the character that did suggest Andrew as a viable candidate. It also didn’t hurt that Andrew was a bit of a critical darling lately. What Women Want had just been a paycheck, but he’d been working very steadily since his critically acclaimed performance as Anthony Hope in a much-too-early third Broadway revival of Sweeney Todd a few years before. Andrew was definitely the kind of actor who could get people in the door of the reading.

“Don’t you think he’s awfully busy right now?” Kyle reached out and stole one of Rachel’s veggie dumplings in retaliation. Andrew did have a lot going on. He’d gone straight from What Women Want to an Off-Broadway production of Angels in America set to open in December. Andrew was sort of an energizer bunny, though, so he didn’t tend to get worn out.

Lexie looked from Kurt to Kyle for a moment. “Don’t be ridiculous, Kyle. Andrew worships you like an oddly muscular Jewish music god.” Kyle started coughing, giving Kurt the impression he might have inhaled his soda. “Plus, there’s no way Andrew wouldn’t be totally amused at the opportunity to play Kurt’s boyfriend.”

Kurt considered that as Rachel patted Kyle on the back waiting for him to be able to breathe. When Kyle was respirating normally he said, “You know what, on second thought, definitely don’t ask Andrew. He’d enjoy it too much.”

Kyle looked like he was about to answer when Kurt’s phone rang with his agent’s number. He hopped up out of his seat like he was on fire and practically sprinted out the door to answer the phone.

When he walked back into the restaurant a few minutes later, all three of his friends were staring at him in confusion. As he went to sit down, he looked down at the phone, trying to reassure himself that he hadn’t imagined the phone call or misinterpreted what his agent had meant.

Finally Rachel poked him across the table. “What was that all about?”

“I got the call back for Next to Normal,” he said, sounding stunned. “I got the call back!”

* * *

 

**November 14th, 2018**

Kurt ran his hands across the piano keys, sinking back into memories of learning to play when he was too small to reach the pedals, of his father reminding him that he had to practice if he wanted to keep taking lessons, of his mother’s soft hands over his, helping him work out fingerings that he struggled with.

With Kyle around, Kurt had gotten a bit lazy about playing. Kyle was always willing to play for him and it was easier to focus on his singing if someone else was providing the accompaniment. Today, though, all of his roommates were out, and he needed to practice for his second Next To Normal callback tomorrow. His first callback had gone really well, and the production team had seemed really impressed with him. He’d been proven right when he was invited back for the final round.

Kurt had just finished singing through “[I’m Alive](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97009109986/im-alive-performed-by-aaron-tveit-as-gabe-in)”—one of the songs he’d been asked to prepare for the audition— for the third time when he heard a loud pounding at his front door. Whoever was knocking had been trying to knock loud enough to be heard over the piano.

He jumped up and crossed quickly to the door. There shouldn’t be any reason for anyone to knock at this time of day, and he felt a little jolt of nerves at the unexpected visit.

When Kurt opened the door, he relaxed a bit to see Andrew behind it. Andrew’s cheeks were red and he was blowing on his hands as he rubbed them together; he wasn’t anywhere near dressed for the late November weather. It would be Thanksgiving in just over a week; it was far too cold to walk even the few blocks between Kurt’s and Andrew’s apartments in just a hoodie and jeans.

“Andrew, are you crazy? Get inside. You must be freezing your ass off!” Kurt said, dropping quickly into mother hen mode as he pulled his friend through the door.

Andrew laughed. He’d seen this side of Kurt often enough over the years, and Kurt knew he’d always found it amusing. “Well we can’t have that! Think of what that would do to my sex life!”

Kurt snorted. That was Andrew. Always with his priorities in order. “Never mind your sex life. Think of what it would do to your acting career. Do you want some coffee?”

Andrew nodded, so Kurt got started making the coffee. When it was brewing, Kurt turned back to Andrew, planning to bring the conversation back to why exactly his friend had shown up on his doorstep. Instead, he found Andrew rifling through his liquor cupboard. That certainly narrowed down the pool of reasons why he might be here.

“Oh, I see,” Kurt said. “So are we celebrating or commiserating?” At the sound of the bottles clinking together a bit dangerously, Kurt walked over and pulled Andrew gently out of the way. “What are you looking for? Whatever’s going on, I don’t think you should be around anything breakable.”

Andrew acquiesced easily as Kurt pushed him out of the way. “Bailey’s. And when could you ever trust me around anything breakable?”

Once Kurt had his hand on the Bailey’s and had pulled it out from behind a giant bottle of really terrible scotch, a joke gift to Kyle from some of his college friends, he pointed the bottle at Andrew and said, “Do you need me to finish this coffee before you tell me what’s going on or can you just spit it out?”

“Sorry, sorry. I’m all over the place! I just got the news and needed to share it with someone I cared about who I could actually see in person. You know what I mean?” Andrew was speaking a mile a minute, so it was lucky that Kurt had plenty of practice dealing with him at his most intense and could keep up enough to understand what he was saying.

Kurt hummed a little in agreement; he’d had to share a lot of news with his family via phone over the years, and he knew the feeling didn’t compare. “Okay, so tell me!”

“I just got the call. I’m playing Patrick in the Public Theater production of Perks of Being a Wallflower!” Andrew flailed a bit as he said this, which would have had Kurt laughing if he wasn’t too busy tackling Andrew and hugging him. This show was a huge deal. All of the buzz from the early workshops suggested that the show was likely to transfer to Broadway. It was an absolutely perfect role for Andrew, so Kurt wasn’t surprised that they’d cast him. He thought they would have been crazy not to.

Knowing that Andrew had found out that he was cast also made Kurt nervous for Rachel. She’d been in the final round of call backs as well. She’d been auditioning for Mary Elizabeth, and Kurt knew she really wanted the part. Since Andrew would be playing one of the three leads, it wasn’t surprising that he’d find out really early on. But if Rachel didn’t hear anything within the next day or two, it probably wouldn’t be good news.

He and Andrew drank their Irish coffee and talked about his Next to Normal callback, their Thanksgiving plans, and The Longest Distance. Andrew had agreed to play Kurt’s character’s boyfriend in the reading and, luckily, the rehearsals for Perks of Being a Wallflower were scheduled to start a week after, so he wouldn’t have a conflict.

Eventually, Kurt sent Andrew home in a borrowed jacket so that Andrew could call everyone else he knew and tell them his good news.

It was only about an hour later when Rachel came home from Little Women rehearsal to announce that she’d gotten the role of Mary Elizabeth. Kurt celebrated with her, too, and then with Kyle and Santana once all of their roommates were home. He pushed down the pang of jealousy at Rachel’s current success. He had a final callback the next day, and he was going to knock it out of the park and get the role. He didn’t need to be jealous that Rachel had a show running for three weeks in December and then would only have a few weeks off before starting rehearsal for a major off-Broadway show. Rachel had been mostly supportive of him when he was the one working and she was unemployed this past year. He could do the same for her.

To Sebastian:  
Okay, how terrible of a person am I if I hate that my friends have awesome jobs and I don’t?

From Sebastian:  
Awful. You’re probably going to hell. We can be terrible people together?

To Sebastian:  
I can’t even figure out if I’m annoyed at you or strangely touched.

* * *

 

**November 22nd, 2018**

It was Kurt’s first Thanksgiving home since he’d graduated from college. The two years he’d been on tour, he’d had shows Thanksgiving week and hadn’t been able to get away. It was a bittersweet feeling to be back. On the one hand, he didn’t get to see enough of his family—they’d come out to see What Women Want, but that was the only time he’d seen them since he finished the tour—and there was something comfortingly familiar about being home for the holidays. On the other hand, Thanksgiving was a huge weekend on Broadway, so he sort of hoped he wouldn’t have many more Thanksgiving weekends off in the future.

Thanksgiving at the Hudson-Hummel house consisted of Burt, Carole, Finn, Nora, and Nora’s mother and brother, David. David was 16 years old and absolutely over everything. Kurt found him funny to watch.

After dinner, Kurt ended up sitting on the porch alone staring up at the sky. It might have been a cliché, but the stars were the one thing he always missed in New York. Even in Queens, you still couldn’t see stars the way you could out in suburban Ohio.

He’d been sitting out there for a few minutes when his father stepped out of the door behind him and sat down on the stoop with a slight groan.

“You know, I remember sitting on the ground being easier,” Burt said, as he slung an arm around Kurt’s shoulders. Kurt leaned into him with a sigh. “How are you doing, kiddo?”

Kurt thought about how to answer for a minute. “I don’t know. I’m glad to be back in New York, but things are hard right now. And I feel bad for complaining about it all the time, because this is the life I signed up for.”

Burt squeezed him a little tighter. “I don’t mind you complaining. You picked a tough road, Kurt. I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me, because I’m your dad and I don’t know anything about theatre, but I do know how good you are. It’s going to work out.”

“It means a lot, actually,” Kurt said in reply and settled in to stare at the stars with his father. When he was little, Burt had taught him constellations—the Big Dipper, Orion’s Belt—and told him made up stories about the stars.

Kurt’s star contemplation was interrupted by the sight of a few white flakes starting to fall on his jeans. The snow picked up quickly, and just a minute later they were in the midst of a small flurry.

The door flew open behind Kurt and Burt, and they both looked up to see Finn at the door, grinning. “You guys, it’s the first snow of the year!” he said, running out to the yard past them, dragging David behind him. David looked exactly as unimpressed as you would expect your average sixteen year old to be while being dragged into the snow by his twenty-four year old brother in law.

Kurt laughed as Finn swung a very grumpy David around, but then he turned his eyes back on Kurt. “Come on, Kurt! You can’t just sit there!”

Burt pushed on Kurt’s shoulders slightly and Kurt stood, pretending to be more annoyed than he was.

Nora wrapped her arm around his as they both stepped out into the yard. “My husband, huh?” She said, with a smile.

“Yeah, well you married him. But I have to admit, he’s hard not to love.” Some things never really changed, and Finn’s joy over the first snowfall was one of them.

Finn reached out hands for both of them when they were close enough and spun them around. Nora laughed as Kurt warned, “If you drop me in the mud in these pants, I swear to God, Finn Hudson, I will paint your nails bright pink while you sleep.”

* * *

 

**November 24th, 2018**

The Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, the former New Directions kids who were in town got together at Finn and Nora’s apartment to catch up. Aside from Kurt and Finn, the group consisted mostly of kids who had joined New Directions after Kurt graduated. So few of his friends had come back for Thanksgiving. Puck was still living in the area and Quinn was in Medical School at the University of Pittsburgh, so she’d made the four hour drive home for a few days, but she was still taking a lot of time to study.

Of the West Coast crowd, only Sam had come home. Sam was in the last year of his masters in Special Education at the University of Washington, so he had the days off. Tina and Mike were still in San Francisco. Mike was dancing the Mouse King in the San Francisco Ballet’s production of The Nutcracker, which opened right after Thanksgiving so he couldn’t get away. Tina’s parents had wanted her to come home alone but she’d told them in no uncertain terms that she and Mike were not spending the first Thanksgiving after their engagement apart. Mercedes and her boyfriend were at his parents’ house, Blaine and his boyfriend had gone to another friend’s house, and Artie was working in production on a film that had him shooting on location in Egypt for most of the month. Brittany’s parents had moved to Chicago after she finished High School and, after deciding that MIT wasn’t for her—no one there had a proper appreciation of Lord Tubbington—Brittany had moved back there and was now teaching dance.

Rachel and Kyle had gone to Lexie’s house for Thanksgiving day. Rachel couldn’t come back to Ohio with Little Women opening on December 1st and going to Kyle’s parents’ house for a family holiday wasn’t anyone’s idea of a good time. Santana had gone with them after declaring that she didn’t have enough patience for her family’s bullshit this year. Even Sebastian wasn’t in Ohio. His family apparently alternated spending Thanksgivings with his mother’s family in Philadelphia and his father’s family in Ohio, and this was one of the Philadelphia years.

The group at Finn’s apartment ended up being sort of an odd collection. Quinn and Kurt didn’t know the younger New Directions grads very well, although Kurt had met them when his dad was sick, but Finn and Sam were close to them. Most of them were home from college for the weekend, which made Kurt feel old.

At the moment, Sam was regaling them with stories about student teaching. “One of the kids does the best Sean Connery impression. I mean, clearly it’s not as good as mine, but it almost is. And he’s ten years old!”

“Oh dear god, Sam. Do not do your Sean Connery impression again. We’ve heard it, I promise.” Kitty saved Kurt the trouble of trying to head Sam’s impressions off at the pass.

Marley, who’d become more outspoken since he’d met her back in her freshman year but who still wasn’t a fan of conflict, interjected, “Do you think you’ll try to stay in Seattle?”

“Somewhere on the West Coast, I think. I just get along better out there. But I’ll go wherever I can get a job,” Sam said with a smile.

“I can’t imagine living anywhere where people wear that much khaki,” Kurt said in a teasing voice, gesturing at Sam who was wearing khaki cargo pants and a forest green button up open over a t-shirt.

Finn stood up with a laugh. “I think that’s my cue to go refill my drink,” he said and wandered towards the kitchen.

“Finn Hudson! I hope you’re planning to get me another drink while you’re out there. Unique is finally twenty-one, and she’s going to enjoy it!” Unique shouted after him.

Ryder rolled his eyes and smiled. “Unique’s boyfriend is not twenty one yet and, in case you’re wondering, she is enjoying _that_ far too much.”

“Baby, you know I am not going to apologize,” she replied, but she kissed him on the cheek as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

Jake crossed his arms. “Oh, hell no. None of that couple-y shit. No one else brought a date, so you two can just not rub it in our faces.” His voice was too fond for his words to have any bite to them. Kurt had noticed that the younger kids always seemed happy about Ryder and Unique. Kurt had heard some of what they went through to get together from Blaine, and he had an idea of what they had left to go through in the future. He had to say he wasn’t surprised that all of New Directions was their cheering section.

Unique responded by snuggling in closer to Ryder and flashing a haughty smile at Jake, much to everyone’s amusement.

Kurt slipped out of his seat as the conversation turned to everyone else’s romantic entanglements and wandered into the kitchen to see what was holding Finn up.

He found his brother in the kitchen with Nora and Quinn. Quinn was sitting at the table talking to Finn, while he and Nora arranged hors d'oeuvres on a tray across from her.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve reached a new threshold of studying all the time. Like I thought Yale was a lot of work, but it’s nothing compared to Medical School.”

Finn nodded sympathetically as he placed pigs in a blanket on the tray. “So you’re saying you aren’t getting to take advantage of the Pittsburgh party scene?”

She laughed. “Well, future award-winning pediatric surgeons do have to let off some steam occasionally, but not really, no.”

As Quinn spoke, she looked up and saw Kurt coming into the room. She reached an arm out and he stepped over to hug her and then sat in the seat between her and Nora. He’d missed having Quinn around in the last few months. When she was at Yale, she’d done a pretty good job of coming into the city to see their shows, but that wasn’t possible now that she was at Pittsburgh.

“But I have heard Kurt is having some fun!” she said.

Kurt looked at her in alarm. “What?”

She flashed him her most ominous smile and said, “Oh, something about a certain ex-warbler nemesis of yours?”

He was totally screwed. If Quinn knew, everyone would know soon enough. Hell, she’d just told Finn, which Kurt was hoping to do exactly never. He was going to kill Santana.

Finn looked up from his careful work in shock. “Wait, are we talking about Sebastian Smythe? Are you dating him? Why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I am not dating him, Finn. Do you really think I’d start a serious relationship and not tell you guys? We’re just friends.”

Finn didn’t exactly look mollified, and his grumpy look only intensified when Quinn interjected with, “Yeah ... sex friends! I wish I had friends that good.”

Kurt looked to Nora for help; she was usually good at slowing Finn down when he got up in arms about things that weren’t any of his business. Unfortunately, Nora just looked completely confused. “Wait, who is this Sebastian person?”

“Just some asshole we knew in high school,” Finn said, without taking his eyes off of Kurt.

“He used to be an asshole!” Kurt said. He was starting to get a headache, and the sense of déjà vu he was getting from this conversation was overwhelming. “He’s not an asshole anymore.” Kurt thought about that and amended. “Well, he’s still a bit of an asshole, but he’s the good kind of asshole.”

Quinn laughed. “Sweetie, you know the more times you say the word asshole, the weirder this gets?”

Kurt just buried his head in his arms. After a moment, he felt Nora’s hand rubbing his back. He was grateful for her support and thought, not for the first time, that Finn’s wife really was far too nice for him.

Once he’d had a minute to calm down, Kurt sat back up and smiled at Nora. Then he turned to Finn and said, “I’m not going to defend my friends to you, especially not when Sebastian isn’t here to defend himself. If you don’t trust my judgement, which you should, can’t you trust the fact that Rachel and Santana are okay with him?”

Finn screwed up his face for a moment and then said, “I guess you’re right. It’s your life after all.”

Kurt wasn’t sure exactly how long that would last, since it never had in the past, but he decided to take it for now and grabbed himself a hard cider from the fridge. He also took a second one for Unique since Finn had never made it back to the living room.

Once he’d passed off Unique’s drink, he sat down on the floor near Sam’s feet and pulled out his phone to text Sebastian.

To Sebastian:  
Apparently Santana’s been gossiping about us. I just had to explain you to my brother.

From Sebastian:  
Damn that Ohio Show Choir Gossip Loop strikes again!

Kurt laughed at the reference.

To Sebastian:  
You can never really escape it. How’s Philadelphia?

From Sebastian:  
Good, mostly. Full of all of my cousins’ very small children and a whole bunch of old people who want to know when I’m going to bring a nice boy to Thanksgiving.

Kurt was familiar with that line of conversation. Somehow you hit twenty-two or so and everyone wants to know why you aren’t married off. Being gay wasn’t even a defense anymore.

To Sebastian:  
Did you tell them you’ve never met any nice boys?

From Sebastian:  
Hahahahaha. Shut up.

Sam asked him a question about Rachel after that and Kurt got pulled back into the conversation. Thankfully his love life didn’t come up again for the rest of the evening. Kurt had a good time, especially when the evening turned, as it always seemed to, to singing. Everyone shouted out requests from old Glee club performances and Kurt ended up being coaxed into singing “Defying Gravity” for the group. And this time he hit the final note. The night ended with a drunken, not entirely on key rendition of “Somebody to Love,” which Finn had apparently taught to the younger kids at some point. It sort of worked out that everyone had a part to sing. It probably should have been much worse than it was, actually, considering how long it had been and how complicated the song was. But as long as no one put it on youtube, Kurt figured it was fine. It felt good to sing with his New Directions friends again, even if most of the group wasn’t here.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact. The Ryder and Unique you've just met are the same Ryder and Unique from my [Takes The Greatest While 'verse](http://archiveofourown.org/series/65438). It's ALL lining up!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some really minor spoilers for Perks of Being A Wallflower were kind of unavoidable for the next few chapters. I don't think they will ruin the story if you haven't read/seen it, but if you haven't, WHY NOT?

**November 26th, 2018**

“Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up!” Kurt chanted quietly at the sound of the phone ringing in his ear. He couldn’t really hold himself still, and he knew that he probably looked ridiculous, freaking out in the middle of the Columbus Airport, but he couldn’t help it. He was going to go insane if he didn’t get to tell someone soon.

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief when he heard a click and the voice through his phone: not a recording. “Kurt? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine; I’m sorry.” He hadn’t really thought about the fact that it would seem more than a little odd for him to be calling in the middle of the work day. Kurt usually didn’t call Sebastian unless he was sure he was home from work, but today had just become an exception. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything. Do you have a minute?”

“I can make time. I’ll go take a smoke break,” Sebastian said, and Kurt heard a rustling noise in the background of the call.

Kurt laughed. “Oh yeah, when did you take up smoking?”

“Hold on.” Sebastian’s end of the line was quiet for a minute. Kurt shifted from foot to foot nervously, waiting for Sebastian to be somewhere that he was able to talk. He took the time to glare down a woman who was staring at him.

“Okay,” Sebastian said after a minute, “I’m in the elevator. And you know I don’t smoke. But if the smokers can go outside for fifteen minutes every hour or two, I can go outside once to talk to you.”

“Excellent point. So can I start talking?”

Sebastian snorted. “The trouble is usually getting you to stop talking. So yes, go. I’m curious to hear what’s got you calling me in the middle of the day.”

Finally Kurt could let out the news he’d been holding on to for what felt like hours but was really probably about ten minutes. “I got the part. I’m playing Gabe in Next to Normal. They just called.”

“Holy shit, Kurt, seriously? Congratulations!” The excitement was evident in Sebastian’s voice, and Kurt was happy to hear it.

He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled. “I’m still pinching myself. It’s like ... like I’ve been holding my breath for a month.”

“Not at all, Kurt. You’ve been totally relaxed and non-tense since your show closed. Don’t sell yourself short,” Sebastian said, his voice light and teasing.

Kurt glared at the phone as if Sebastian could see him. “I’m trying to have a moment here, Sebastian!”

A pair of toddlers ran around Kurt on chubby legs, their mother following behind, as Sebastian laughed in the background. “I’m excited for your moment, Kurt, I swear. And I can’t wait to see you. You’re going to kick ass.”

“Much better. I should let you get back to work. I just wanted you to know.” Kurt didn’t want to keep Sebastian, and he was having trouble carrying on a conversation over the post-Thanksgiving airport chaos. Even though it was the Monday after Thanksgiving, not Sunday, it was still crowded with traveling families.

Sebastian sighed. “Back to work? That hardly seems fair. Thanks for calling, though. I owe you a drink when I get to New York.”

The sudden fatigue in Sebastian’s voice when he mentioned work was hard for Kurt to listen to, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. He said his goodbyes to Sebastian and hung up.

Kurt had to call his dad next, of course, but after that he figured he wouldn’t call anyone else. He wanted to tell his New York friends in person if he could manage it, and it was only 7am on the West Coast, so calling Mercedes, Tina, or Blaine could wait until a decent hour. He fired off a group text to his friends and then called his father.

To Rachel, Kyle, Santana, Lexie, Andrew:  
Fourth Wall tonight?

From Rachel:  
I can’t go to Fourth Wall, Kurt. I’m IN TECH. You should really be more respectful of my busy schedule. However, because I want you to have fun, I won’t mind if the five of you go without me.

He’d just have to tell Rachel when she got home from rehearsal.

* * *

 

**December 7th, 2018**

Sebastian’s train was supposed to get in at 9pm, so Kurt grabbed an early dinner with Andrew and a few other NYADA friends and then went to Penn Station to wait for him.

The Amtrak lobby at Penn Station had to be the most annoying place on earth. It was always full of screaming children and people doing strange things, and it was weirdly located. He hoped that Sebastian appreciated the great sacrifice Kurt was making by sitting there to meet him rather than just telling him to catch a cab to Kurt’s place.

Of course, since Kurt was on time, the train ended up being an hour late. He spent part of that time working on his Christmas to-do list. He still had plenty of shopping to do, and he had to figure out who he was sending cookies to this year.

When he finished the list, he switched to scrolling through Facebook. He was just about to exit out of the window when a post caught his eye:

Well that was a surprise. Kurt pushed aside the slight pang of guilt he always felt at the sight of Adam’s name and mused that his NYADA friends were going to have a field day with Andrew and Adam playing secret boyfriends. Kurt could see that the comments on Adam’s post already included a few teasing messages along with all the congratulations. He was adding his own generic congratulations when he felt a hand on his shoulder and dropped his phone.

Kurt looked up to see Sebastian grinning at him and glared as he held a hand over his heart. “What the hell, Sebastian? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Sebastian looked only vaguely sorry as he picked up Kurt’s phone and handed it back to him. Luckily there was no damage. “You’re young and healthy,” he said, still smiling, “your heart can take it.”

Kurt ignored the hand that Sebastian held out to him and stood up on his own so that he could cross his arms and stare Sebastian down with more intensity. He did not appreciate being grabbed in the middle of a New York train station. Sebastian could have been _anyone_.

“Okay, okay. Don’t be mad at me; I just got here. I’m sorry.” Sebastian reached out a hand for him again, and this time Kurt let him put an arm around his waist and pull him in. When Sebastian kissed him, he pressed into it and wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck to pull him closer. Kurt ended the kiss after a much shorter time than he might have liked; they were in a train station after all. Sebastian pulled him into a tight hug as soon as their lips separated, and Kurt was glad to have Sebastian holding on to him. It occurred to him that he’d missed Sebastian. It wasn’t as if he’d been celibate since Sebastian’s visit at the beginning of November, but Sebastian was different. He’d started to feel familiar over the last few months. Kurt knew he should probably be concerned about that, but he figured he could worry about it later.

When Sebastian let him go, Kurt stepped back and said, “I’m glad you’re here, even if you are an asshole.”

Sebastian laughed and grabbed the handle of his suitcase. “I’m glad to be here. Even if I am an asshole.”

Kurt enjoyed having Sebastian around for the weekend, but allowing him to spend time with Kurt’s roommates for several days straight resulted in more than one moment of weirdness.

When they stepped into his apartment, Kyle and Lexie were sitting on the couch theoretically watching Lord of the Rings but actually having an argument about some plot point that had been changed between the books and the movies. Lord of the Rings had never really been Kurt’s thing, so he ignored them entirely.

Sebastian stood by the door and took in the place for a moment. He then turned to Kurt and said, “Hey look, you are a real boy!” It was a weird comment, but Kurt knew what Sebastian meant. He could feel something shifting at the sight of Sebastian in his home. Sebastian was really in his life now, rather than just being a vacation from it.

Kyle paused the movie at the sound of Sebastian’s voice, and he and Lexie walked over to say hello. After their greeting, Lexie turned to head back to the couch, but Kyle said, “We’ll make sure to turn the movie volume up _really loud_. Have fun boys!” and then he winked at Kurt.

“Screw you, Kyle,” Kurt said dryly and grabbed Sebastian’s hand to drag him out of the room.

Kyle laughed and called after them, “That would be missing the point!”

When they were both in Kurt’s room and Kurt had shut the door behind them, Sebastian said, “You know, I think I like Kyle.”

Kurt sighed. “You would, Sebastian. You would.” Then he flopped down across his bed.

Of course, they made use of the fact that the volume on the movie was turned up.

* * *

 

**December 8th, 2018**

The next morning, Kurt had a tap class, and Sebastian had told him to go ahead and go. Sebastian could amuse himself on the internet for a while.

When Kurt got home from the class, he found Sebastian standing next to the piano while Kyle played. Santana was sitting on the couch reading a music magazine.

Kurt listened to Sebastian sing until Kyle stopped playing. “What on earth are you doing to him, Kyle?”

Sebastian looked over at him and smiled. “Kyle’s teaching me a song for Monday night.”

Kyle nodded. “Honestly, Kurt, he has to sing something.”

“He couldn’t have just sung something he already knows? You had to accost him?” Kurt should have known this would happen sooner or later. Any time they let Kyle get his hands on someone who could sing, he decided he had to figure them out.

“He can’t just sing songs from musicals that actually had successful runs on Broadway forever! People will think he’s boring!” Kyle gave Kurt his most innocent look, and Kurt rolled his eyes. Kyle’s music taste ran strongly towards Broadway flops, off-Broadway shows that had never gone to Broadway, and song cycles from lesser known composers, and Broadway composers before they made it. His taste was pretty contagious, too. Kurt and Rachel often found themselves listening to music that Kyle had given them, and even Santana had developed a habit of singing songs by his favorite composers.

Santana snorted and looked up from her magazine. “Yes, we wouldn’t want your theatre friends to think that he’s _mainstream_. How embarrassing!”

Kurt laughed. “When a show of yours finally hits it big, I’m going to refuse to sing any of the music from it so people don’t think I’m boring.”

“That’s going to be really awkward since you’ll be starring in it.”

* * *

 

**December 9th, 2018**

That night, they went to see Rachel in Little Women. She was fantastic, of course, and oddly thrilled that Sebastian had come to see her.

The next morning, Kurt was awoken by the thump of someone jumping onto the bed. He cracked one eye open, saw Sebastian looking unfairly adorable in his pajamas with his hair sleep mussed, and groaned. “It’s too early, Sebastian.”

“It’s practically the middle of the day, Kurt. And there’s something insane happening in your kitchen.”

Kurt sat up at this. “Insane like what?” There was probably a rather exhausting list of insane things that could be happening in his kitchen, but only some of them would need his attention. Actually, some of them would be things he’d rather avoid like the plague. He flashed back to the mental image of Santana and her last girlfriend and grimaced.

“I have no fucking clue how to explain it. You’re going to have to come see for yourself,” Sebastian said, and began trying to push Kurt out of bed. Kurt wasn’t really interested in falling on the floor, so he dragged himself to his feet and threw on a pair of sweatpants.

Sebastian pulled him out of the room as soon as he was half dressed, and when the door opened, he heard singing from the kitchen. He turned to Sebastian and raised an eyebrow, but Sebastian just shrugged and pulled him fully into the room.

The scene that greeted him in the kitchen was completely ridiculous. Rachel and Kyle were standing on either side of a container of chicken and [singing in counterpoint](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97176677101/colm-wilkinson-and-philip-quast-perform).

Rachel sang “ _I am warning you Javert there is nothing I won't dare If I have to kill you here I'll do what must be done!_ ” while gesturing dramatically at Kyle.

Meanwhile Kyle sang “ _You know nothing of Javert. I was born inside a jail. I was born with scum like you. I am from the gutter too!_ ” as he tried to pull the plate away from Rachel.

Kurt sighed. “Oh god,” he said to Sebastian, “this again.”

“Again?” Sebastian looked completely floored. “Do they always sing when they fight?”

Kurt shook his head. Only his roommates could pull off something like this. “Not always. But it happens more than is probably normal or healthy.”

When they’d finished the song, they continued glaring at each other so Kurt walked over to the counter. “Kyle, we’re not throwing away the chicken. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, but we’re not getting rid of perfectly good chicken.”

“It has a weird texture!” Kyle pointed accusingly at the chicken.

Rachel flopped down in the chair next to her in exasperation. “There’s nothing wrong with the chicken, Kyle. We cannot keep throwing out perfectly good food just because you’re paranoid.”

Kyle looked frustrated, but his tone was defeated. “I’m not paranoid! It’s weird!”

Rachel looked at him and sighed. She reached out across the counter and took his hand. “You don’t have to eat the weird chicken, honey. Just put it back in the fridge, okay?”

Kurt heard Sebastian failing to control his giggles from back in the doorway and caught his eye. He glanced between Rachel and Kyle to say “see what I have to put up with?” and Sebastian nodded seriously.

When it seemed that Kyle had accepted defeat, Kurt slowly pulled the dish away from his roommates and brought it back over to the fridge. He decided that, since he was up, he might as well make breakfast and started pulling out the supplies for pancakes.

Sebastian joined him after a moment and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist from behind. He tilted his head close to Kurt’s ear so he could whisper, “What on earth was that about?”

Kurt turned in his arms slightly and twisted his head around so he could whisper back, “Kyle’s got a food thing. He always thinks things are spoiled. Rachel thinks he picked it up from his mother.”

Sebastian nodded, so Kurt turned back to try to continue making the pancakes. Sebastian rested his head on Kurt’s shoulder, and the next time Kurt needed to move to get an ingredient he ended up having to drag Sebastian slowly across the kitchen behind him.

“This is really not the most efficient way to do this,” he said softly.

Sebastian let him go with a sigh. “Fine, fine. Take away my fun.”

He patted Sebastian on the shoulder. “We can have fun later. Right now, I plan to replace your fun with pancakes.”

* * *

 

**December 10th, 2018**

This trip to Fourth Wall was less tense than the last one they’d made with Sebastian. For one thing, his friends had decided once and for all that Sebastian was part of the group. For another, Matt had other plans and couldn’t be there. Trent and Andrew had joined them instead, and it made for a good group. Santana was especially happy with Matt not being there. At some point Kurt figured he might have to call her out on exactly why she hated Matt so much, but he wasn’t ready for the drama.

Andrew and Sebastian had spent most of dinner trying to convince Trent to sing. Sebastian had been in charge of pointing out that Trent had been a soloist for Yale’s National Championship winning a capella group only a few years ago, and Andrew had just been in charge of turning on the charm. At one point, Trent had given Andrew a look that expressed very clearly that Trent knew Andrew’s type and Kurt had nearly died laughing. In the end, it was Rachel who’d won the argument by telling Trent that she’d never gotten to hear him sing and really wanted to. Apparently the direct approach was best.

They all had a couple of rounds in them by the time Sebastian went up to sing [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97176877941/alex-brightman-performs-open-road-from-glory) that Kurt had heard him rehearsing with Kyle the day before. “ _Well, I took a month off of school and decided to go on a trip. So I packed my bags and kissed my mom goodbye._ ” The song was perfect for Sebastian’s voice, hardly a surprise since Kyle had picked it, and it was younger and sweeter than the last song Sebastian had sung at Fourth Wall. It was completely charming, actually, and Kurt had to push away the thought that he was in huge trouble.

No one seemed to know what Rachel was singing except Lexie who was clearly having trouble keeping her laughter under control from the moment Rachel stepped on stage. Before she started singing she said, “Hi everyone! This is a song my fiancé wrote. His name’s Kyle Rosen and he’s right back there!”

Kyle gave Kurt a terrified look and whispered, “Do you have any idea what’s about to happen?” Kurt just shook his head.

“Just to be clear, I’m almost positive this song isn’t about me,” Rachel finished and then launched into a song that Kyle had written for a Halloween cabaret a few years before. The song was song from the perspective of a girl who murders all of her ex-boyfriends as soon as they start a new relationship. As soon as Kurt realized what song it was, he understood why Lexie was laughing. It wasn’t even remotely a song you’d write for your girlfriend.

By the time Rachel was done and had made her way back to the table, Kyle had his face buried in his hands and was shaking with laughter. Rachel sat down primly and continued looking insufferably pleased with herself until long after they’d stopped complimenting her.

Trent was up next and Kurt sat up straight, wanting to really hear him sing. Even during their time at Dalton, he’d only heard Trent sing in a group or while they were fooling around. He had no idea what kind of song Trent would even choose, but Sebastian had wanted him to perform, so Kurt knew he must be good. When the opening chords of Adele’s version of “[Lovesong](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97176969086/lovesong-by-adele)” started, Kurt turned to Sebastian in shock.

“Wait,” Sebastian said with a laugh, so Kurt did. It turned out that Trent had _serious_ diva skills. He certainly did Adele justice.

Halfway through the song, Andrew turned to Kurt and Rachel and said, “Can all of your banker and scientist friends sing like this?”

Rachel looked more than a little pleased. “Yes, and our teacher friends, our anthropologist friends, and our doctor friends.”

They jumped on Trent as soon as he got to the table. He laughed at them all talking a mile a minute and pushed his way through them to sit down.

“Why didn’t the Warblers ever have you sing in competition?” Rachel asked.

Trent laughed and rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you guys ever have Kurt sing in competition?”

Kurt reached out a hand to fist bump Trent in solidarity.

Lexie just shook her head at them and said “Well, you’ll fit right in with this group. They all love to use their singing to make everyone in the bar cry.”

“Speaking of which,” Kurt said, looking at who was on the stage, “I do believe that’s my cue to go sing.”

Kurt made his way to the stage and grabbed the mic. When he was settled and Fourth Wall’s regular pianist, Brad, gave him a thumbs up, he said, “My roommate’s been playing this album for about three weeks straight, thanks Rach.” Rachel smiled at him and waved. “Since every single song from this show is currently stuck in my head, I thought I’d sing one of them. This song has really resonated with me ever since I first heard it. It reminds me of the time I was voted Prom Queen in high school.”

His eyes flashed over to his friends before he started to sing. Rachel gave him an encouraging smile, and Santana shrugged her shoulders; the rest of the group just looked confused.

He nodded at Brad and then closed his eyes for a moment while the intro played. He opened them again when he began to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97177146186/lindsay-mendez-performs-pretty-funny-from). He turned the intensity up a notch when he got to the lyrics that had first made him think of his Junior Prom. “ _Isn’t funny? Isn’t it funny? Aren’t you funny? Pathetically naive and desperate to believe you can always find some good. Well you misunderstood. Or you’ve been dreaming. ‘Cause people are just cruel._ ”

The applause was loud when he finished singing and he soaked it in for a moment, but then he noticed Sebastian get up from their table near the back of the room and head up the stairs that lead out of the bar.

When Kurt got back to the table, Rachel pulled him down next to her and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Yes, I love you too, Rach,” he said, patting the arm crossing his chest. “Where did Sebastian go?”

“He said he needed to get some air,” Trent explained with a shrug.

Lexie flashed him an evil grin. “Apparently some people think you raise the temperature in the room a bit, dear.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at her and then began to extricate himself from Rachel’s embrace. That had not been a sexy song, and he knew that, if Sebastian had needed air, it wasn’t because of a sudden, intense attraction to Kurt. Whatever was going on, he wasn’t going to leave Sebastian out there to figure it out on his own.

Once he’d gotten himself away from Rachel, he grabbed his coat and followed the path Sebastian had taken outside. Kurt found him by the door, leaning up against a wall with his hands in his pockets and staring at the starless sky.  

“Hey,” Kurt said, “what’s going on?”

Sebastian startled slightly as Kurt walked out the door. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to drag you out here, too. It’s cold.”

Kurt moved closer to him, so that they were sharing the same space, and put his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Come on Sebastian. What’s wrong?”

Sebastian looked at the hand on his arm for a moment and then, without looking at Kurt, said, “What do you mean you were voted Prom Queen in high school?”

Kurt exhaled as the pieces fell into place. He forgot sometimes how few of each other’s stories he and Sebastian knew. “It was a long time ago, Sebastian. Before I met you. Right after I transferred back to McKinley.”

Sebastian didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

This threw Kurt a little. “For what? It’s not like you voted.”

“I’m sorry for adding to the bullshit you had to go through in high school.”

And there was the rest of it. Because it wasn’t just about not knowing each other’s histories for Sebastian; it was about the part that he’d played in Kurt’s history. Kurt sometimes forgot the way they’d met. His feelings for Sebastian now were so far from his feelings for Sebastian back then. “It was a _long time ago_ ,” he reminded Sebastian.

“I know … I just …” Sebastian still refused to meet Kurt’s eyes.

Kurt ducked down to try to put himself in between Sebastian and the sidewalk he was staring at so intently. After a minute he gave up and slipped his hand under Sebastian’s chin. “Look at me please.”

When Sebastian was finally looking into his eyes, he continued, “Sebastian, prom, you, everything that happened in high school, those aren’t my open wounds any more. There are no apologies left that I need for all of that. Do you believe me?”

Sebastian nodded slowly and reached out to pull Kurt into a tight hug. Kurt hugged him back just as tightly for a few minutes. When he pulled back, he grabbed Sebastian’s hand and started to drag him back to the door.

“Ready to go back in? If we stay out here much longer, Santana will decide we came out here to fuck.” He winked at Sebastian.

Sebastian shook himself and then grinned at Kurt. “Is that an option?”

“No. Go inside.” Kurt tugged Sebastian behind him. As soon as they entered the stairwell, he heard the opening music of “[Come On Eileen](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97177256071/come-on-eileen-by-dexys-midnight-runners)” drifting up from the bar and then Andrew’s voice when the lyrics began.

“Oh god,” Kurt said, laughing. “This is going to be ridiculous.”

By the time they made it down the stairs, people were already starting to get up and dance in the aisles of the bar. Andrew was on stage, acting like a complete dork with Lexie and Rachel backing him up.

Kurt started shimmying along as they walked back to their table. The combination of Andrew and this song made it impossible to resist.

“Honestly Kurt, where did you find him?” Sebastian shouted, just loud enough that Kurt could hear him over the music.

Kurt laughed. “I woke up in his bed one morning at the beginning of sophomore year, and he’s been hanging around ever since.”

Sebastian grinned as Kurt forced him to dance. They’d reached their table by that point and, when the music changed, Trent reached out and pulled Sebastian over. Kyle grabbed Kurt and spun him around then dipped him. Kurt rolled his eyes at Kyle’s ridiculousness. By the time Andrew reached the last chorus, the whole bar was singing along and dancing. Kurt had to laugh at how completely typical this moment was for Andrew. No one else could charm a room quite like he did.

As the song was winding down, Kyle said, “Do you think he could sing the ABCs and still have everyone singing and dancing around the bar?”

“Oh god, probably,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

When Andrew finished the song, he said, “Trust me, this song choice is going to be hilarious in a few months. Provided anyone actually remembers it happened.” Then he winked at the crowd and jumped off the stage with the girls following him.

The applause was still going when Andrew made it back to the table. He threw his arms out and grinned, saying “And in this moment, I swear we are infinite!”

Lexie rolled her eyes and shoved Andrew down into the booth beside Kurt. Andrew threw an arm around him with a laugh as Santana said, “I swear to god, I will stab you to death with a rusty spoon if you spend the next several months quoting that movie.”

Kurt didn’t mind Andrew’s elation, though. He understood what his friend was feeling. It was one of those moments when it really did feel like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bonus ficlet about how Kurt met Andrew is located [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2287667).


	8. Chapter 8

**December 17th, 2018**

Kurt pulled his cookies out of the oven delicately and set them down on the counter before turning to his computer, resting on the opposite side of the kitchen, and crossing his arms. He glared at the screen for a minute before saying, “What do you mean you aren’t coming home for Christmas?”

Blaine shifted back and forth guiltily on the other end of the Skype call. “I’m really sorry, Kurt. I tried, I did. But the timing just didn’t work. I’m shooting until the 23rd, and Zeke just got his new schedule, and he starts up production again on the 27th. There just isn’t time.”

“There wasn’t time at Thanksgiving, either! I haven’t seen you since the last time the tour was in Fresno, Blaine, and that was two Junes ago!” Kurt knew it wasn’t even mostly Blaine’s fault that it had been so long since they were in the same place at the same time. Kurt had been the one who was on tour and hadn’t been home for the holidays for two years.

Blaine sighed and pulled his feet up in front of him on the couch, resting his chin on his knees. “But I did drive all the way to Fresno for you …”

Kurt turned away from the computer to start placing the next batch of peanut butter cookies on the cookie sheet. “I appreciate that. Fresno isn’t exactly a vacation destination. It’s just weird that it’s been so long.”

“I know. I do have good news, though?” Blaine said, with an excited smile.

“You’ve become best friends with Donatella Versace, and she’s going to be showering you with free designer clothing to give away to your friends?” Kurt had told Blaine years ago that, if he was going to be a movie star, he had to use his powers to keep Kurt well dressed. So far it wasn’t working out.

Blaine laughed and then turned to the left at a noise that Kurt couldn’t hear through his computer. A minute later, his boyfriend, Zeke, was rushing through the living room behind Blaine carrying several shopping bags.

“Oh, he has presents,” Blaine said, looking gleeful, and then shouted, “I know you’re taking those to the guest closet!”

Zeke returned to the living room a minute later and dropped a kiss on Blaine’s cheek. “And I’ll know if you peek.”

Then Zeke looked up and saw Kurt on Blaine’s screen. “Oh, hey Kurt!” he said, obvious enthusiasm in his voice. Years ago, Kurt had wished that Zeke weren’t quite so nice. At the time he would have been happy to have a reason to dislike Blaine’s boyfriend. But, in the end, he was much happier that Blaine had ended up with a great guy.

“Did Blaine tell you yet?” Zeke asked.

Blaine shoved him gently. “I was just getting to that before you interrupted me.”

Zeke shoved Blaine back lightly and Blaine shifted over to make room for them both in the frame of Blaine’s webcam. Then Zeke raised an eyebrow at Blaine, obviously wondering what he was waiting for.

Blaine rolled his eyes at Zeke and said, “Okay, so we’re not coming to Ohio for Christmas, but I do have to go have to go to New York to do publicity for Martian High on January 8th, and Zeke and I were both able to arrange our schedules so that we could spend the week in the city.”

“Ta-da!” Zeke chimed in, using jazz hands to emphasise his point.

Blaine laughed. “Yes, thank you, sweetie. So what do you think Kurt?”

Kurt was grinning like crazy. He and Blaine hadn’t been in New York at the same time since Blaine had brought Zeke out to visit during spring break of Kurt’s senior year of college. “Seriously? Oh my god! That’s awesome!”

Blaine turned to grin at Zeke and then looked back at him. “We thought you’d be excited! We’ll even let you guys take me back to open mic night and force me to sing.”

Kurt laughed. Blaine had been a hit, of course, the last time he was at Fourth Wall. But the mention of the bar made Kurt think of something and he pulled up a calendar to be sure. Of course the dates lined up perfectly.

“What’s up Kurt?” Blaine asked, looking a bit concerned.

“Nothing, nothing. Should be an interesting weekend. That’ll be the weekend when Sebastian is in town …” Kurt said, trailing off to wait for Blaine’s reaction.

Zeke reacted first. “Oops, I think I…” he trailed off, gesturing towards the bedroom, then he hopped up from the couch and practically ran away.

That hadn’t exactly been the reaction that Kurt had been expecting. Judging by the way that Blaine’s face scrunched up in confusion, he hadn’t seen that one coming either. “I have no idea what he thinks is about to happen that requires running away,” Blaine said, once he’d finished looking quizzically at his retreating boyfriend.

“Probably yelling,” Kurt said. “Isn’t that usually when he runs away?”

“I suppose.” Blaine looked back at him seriously. “I don’t have any yelling to do about Sebastian, you know. Although the fact that I found out from Mercedes wasn’t my favorite thing.”

Kurt winced. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I never meant for any of you to find out third hand. I mean, it’s not like we’re dating or anything. Basically, we’re just friends. But then Santana found out about the other stuff and told Quinn, and then Quinn told Mercedes …”

Blaine laughed. “Yes, and then Mercedes and I got drunk together and complained about your communication problems. But really, Kurt, just friends?”

“Well, we’re not anything specifically other than friends, and we won’t be, so yeah, that’s what I’m going with.” Kurt hadn’t really thought of a good way to explain it. He and Sebastian were friends most of the time. He supposed Quinn’s choice of the term sex friends was actually the most accurate, but that didn’t mean he was going to use it.

“I guess I’d just expected you to be trying to settle down. That always sort of seemed like your plan,” Blaine said with a shrug.

Kurt couldn’t help but be a little annoyed at this statement. Blaine had dated exactly one person since Kurt. It wasn’t like he’d had to try to find someone. “I date. I date all the time. It’s not that easy, Blaine. You can’t just go to Trader Joes and pick up a husband.”

Blaine tilted his head to the side. “You know, I don’t think you’d really want a husband you’d have to reheat anyways.”

Kurt had to take a break from measuring ingredients to laugh.

* * *

 

**January 4th, 2019**

On January 4th, Kurt was back in the Amtrak lobby at Penn Station waiting for Sebastian’s train. This time, mercifully, the train was on time.

Sebastian was holding a gift bag along with his suitcase when he walked into the room, which definitely piqued Kurt’s curiosity. He reached out and wrapped a hand around the back of Sebastian’s neck to pull him into a quick kiss. The kiss was a bit awkward with Sebastian’s hands full, and they were both laughing when they separated.

“I’d apologize,” Sebastian said, still laughing, “but it is your gift getting in the way, so I don’t think I should have to.”

Kurt was surprised. He really hadn’t expected Sebastian to bring him anything. “My what?”

“Gift, Kurt. You know, an object given without payment. Often around the holidays?” Sebastian was obviously enjoying the fact that Kurt was flustered. “It’s not really anything, anyways. Just something I picked up in Paris over Christmas as a thank you for the cookies.”

Kurt reached out and took the bag from Sebastian’s hand. “You already thanked me for the cookies.”

Sebastian leaned in close enough to whisper suggestively into Kurt’s ear. “Yes, and I’ll thank you for them again when we get back to your apartment. Open the damn present, Kurt.”

The present was a little hard to maneuver while standing in the lobby of a train station, but Kurt managed to hold the bag with one hand and sort through the tissue paper with the other. He pulled out a bag of what appeared to be candy and then smiled as he translated the French on the package.

“You got me liquor filled chocolate?” Kurt said, laughing.

Sebastian looked insufferably pleased with himself. “Yeah, I did.”

Kurt put the chocolate back in the bag and reached for Sebastian’s free hand to pull him towards the exit so they could head for their subway station. “You know, I think I’ve been talking to you more than is necessary. You obviously know me too well.”

Sebastian laughed and followed him.

Once they were settled on the N train, Sebastian asked, “So when is Blaine arriving?”

Kurt could tell that the situation was still making Sebastian nervous, no matter how casual he was trying to sound. “He gets in really early tomorrow morning, but he has a pretty full schedule so we don’t have plans until dinner.”

Sebastian nodded. “Sounds good. But my offer to make myself scarce if you want me to still stands.”

“Yes, and my answer that also still stands. There’s absolutely no need for you to go anywhere unless you’re uncomfortable.” They’d had this conversation a few times since Kurt had realized that Blaine and Sebastian would be in New York on the same weekend. Kurt couldn’t figure out why he was having so much trouble getting through to Sebastian. He tugged on their joined hands until Sebastian turned to face him. “I want you here, Sebastian, unless you don’t want to be. So if you don’t want to be around Blaine, you’re going to have to tell me, because I’m not going to ask you to leave and neither is he.”

Sebastian looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded. “Okay.”

Kurt didn’t know what to do with that. “Okay? Does that mean you’re good with the plan for this weekend?”

“I’m good with it,” Sebastian said. “But I think we should get off the train.”

* * *

 

**January 5th, 2019**

At some point on Friday night, Rachel figured out that Sebastian had never been to the Museum of Natural history and declared this to be an absolute travesty. Since they were all about to get very busy very soon, with the reading of The Longest Distance coming up in just over a week, Kurt starting rehearsals for Next to Normal the week after that, and Rachel starting Perks of Being a Wallflower another week after, they all decided to take advantage of the free day to go to the museum together.

As might be expected, they all started arguing about where to go as soon as they walked into the museum. Kyle wanted to go to the Center for Earth and Space, Kurt’s favorite area was the Hall of Human Origins, Lexie wanted to go to the Hall of Ocean Life, and Rachel just refused to see any taxidermied animals. In the end, Santana and Sebastian won with their insistence that they were going to see the dinosaurs.

They stayed in the fossil section until lunchtime, which was a madhouse, and then headed to the Hall of Ocean Life. Kurt and Rachel ended up standing at the bottom of the hall watching the video that was always playing and freaking out about a turtle caught in a net.

When they started panicking, Sebastian turned to Kyle and said, “Haven’t they seen this before?”

Kyle laughed. “Yep, dozens of times. The damn thing loops.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. Just because they knew the turtle was going to be alright didn’t mean it wasn’t scary to watch.

“Oh! Here comes the diver!” Rachel said and then a bunch of kids joined them in cheering when the turtle was rescued.

When she heard the cheering, Lexie wandered back over to them from the walrus diorama. “Did the turtle make it again?”

“Yes,” Kyle said with a long-suffering sigh. “And now that we know he’s alright, can we go to the planetarium?”

When the museum closed at 5:45, they had just enough time to hop train and to meet Blaine and Zeke at S’mac. Blaine was kind of obsessed with the fact that restaurants _specifically for mac and cheese_ existed so, since Rachel had gone back to being vegetarian instead of vegan their freshman year of college, they were required to go to S’mac every time Blaine was in town.

Blaine and Zeke were already there when they arrived. Blaine, of course, popped out of his seat to hug them all, including Sebastian, which seemed to surprise them both. Once they were all settled, Blaine asked the group what they’d been up to for the day.

“Oh my god, did you see the dinosaurs? Apatosaurus is the best!” he said, when he heard that they’d spent the day at the museum.

Santana gave him her most incredulous look. “Are you kidding me, hobbit? Velociraptor is the best.”

Zeke ignored Santana pointedly and turned to Blaine. “I can’t believe you think Apatosaurus is better than Allosaurus.”

“Obviously he thinks that because it’s completely true,” Rachel said, jumping in to join Blaine’s side.

Sebastian snorted. “How lame do you have to be to pick an herbivore as your favorite dinosaur? Literally everyone knows T-rex is the best!”

Kurt couldn’t let that comment stand. “Be careful who you’re calling lame Sebastian Smythe. Especially since Triceratops is clearly the best. T-rex is a totally uninspired choice.”

Lexie looked between them. “Oooh, Triceratops versus T-rex? That’s a serious battle.”

“It would be if it weren’t totally irrelevant!” Kyle responded. “Stegosaurus is clearly better than either of them.”

“T-rex would have kicked Stegosaurus’s ass!” Sebastian said, officially turning the discussion into an argument between six-year-olds.

Kyle snorted. “Yeah, if it weren’t 70 million years too late. And Rachel, you only like Apatosaurus the best because you watched The Land Before Time too many times as a child.”

Blaine looked indignant. “You can’t watch The Land Before Time too many times.” Kurt laughed to himself. Blaine would know. His mother was always telling embarrassing stories about him trying to convince Cooper to pretend to be the dinosaurs from The Land Before Time with him.

“Guys!” Lexie shouted, finally interrupting the variety of arguments going on around the table. “We have to go up and order food before they kick us out.” She stood up and started to walk towards the counter, but before the rest of them were out of their seats she said, “Besides, everyone knows the Liopleurodon was the best, and it wasn’t even technically a dinosaur.”

Once Kurt got to the counter, he turned to look for Sebastian but saw that he was still back at the table talking to Blaine, which was a strange development. Kurt caught Zeke’s eye instead and raised an eyebrow.

Zeke just shrugged, which Kurt took to mean that he had no idea either. Kurt shot another nervous glance back at the table, but he knew he was just going to have to trust Sebastian’s judgment on this. Instead, he started asking Zeke questions about the indie film that he was working on.

* * *

 

**January 6th, 2019**

Kurt didn’t have a chance to talk to Sebastian that night. They’d gone to a bar after dinner, and they were both a bit too drunk for serious conversation when they finally got home.

The next morning, Kurt woke to the feel of Sebastian’s fingers running through his hair and tried to bury his face further in Sebastian’s chest with a groan.

Sebastian laughed “I’d let you sleep, but honestly, I’ve been awake for an hour already.”

Kurt rolled off Sebastian onto his back and turned to look at Sebastian. “So have you just been staring at me for the last hour? Because that’s kind of creepy. You should have gotten up and amused yourself.”

“I wasn’t staring at you!” Sebastian said, but his blush gave him away. “I would have gotten up and amused myself, but someone was _sleeping on me_.”

Despite the awkward angle, Kurt leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Sebastian’s lips. “Hmm. That’s terrible. I wonder who could have done something like that.”

“Hush,” Sebastian said, and leaned in to kiss Kurt again. The kiss was slow and lazy and lacked any real intention behind it. Kurt ran his hand over Sebastian’s shoulder and enjoyed just kissing for a while.

When he finally pulled away, Sebastian flopped onto his back and said, “Good morning!”

Kurt laughed and sat up. “Hey Sebastian, can I ask you something?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow but sat up to face him. “I can hardly stop you.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes. So … what did you talk to Blaine about?”

“Oh. That,” Sebastian said, and threw the blankets over his head.

Kurt sighed. He could guess, of course, and probably be pretty close to the mark, but he wanted Sebastian to tell him. He pulled the blankets over his own head to join Sebastian. “This is the worst hiding spot ever.”

“Now you know my deep, dark secret. I always lost at hide and seek.”

“Sebastian …”

“Is there any way I could offer you a blow job to get out of this conversation?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt laughed. “You can’t try to exchange something we both know I was going to get either way!”

Sebastian didn’t even bother to try to argue. He just threw the blankets back off of them. “I just figured that, if I was going to apologize to you, it would be weird not to apologize to him, too. Saying sorry back in high school didn’t really count. I still didn’t really get it.” Sebastian spoke haltingly, like the words were being dragged out of him.

Kurt knew this wasn’t an easy topic for Sebastian but he had a feeling that the only way out of this was through. He didn’t want Sebastian to feel like this had to be hanging in the air with all of Kurt’s old friends forever. “What did he say?”

“Oh, he was very Blaine about it. He said that he knew we were both different people back then and that you’ve always been a good judge of character, so he has no problem trusting you to make your own choices.”

“Well, that’s always refreshing,” Kurt said, thinking of Santana’s reaction. He reached over to push Sebastian’s hair back out of his eyes. “So, do you think you can believe me now when I say this doesn’t have to be a part of our story anymore?”

Sebastian looked Kurt straight in the eye. “I think I can,” he said, and took Kurt’s free hand in his. “So what is a part of our story?”

Kurt didn’t know how to answer that question so he just said, “Blow jobs?”

Sebastian pushed Kurt over lightly and tackled him. “We were having a moment, Kurt!”

“Yeah, and I made it better!”

* * *

 

**January 7th, 2019**

As soon as they were seated at Fourth Wall on Monday night, Blaine started interrogating Trent on his graduate program. They hadn’t told Blaine that Trent would be coming so that they could surprise him. His reaction had been just as excited as they had all expected.

Trent went first and, when it became clear that he was singing “[Stay Beautiful](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97536187871/taylor-swifts-stay-beautiful)”, Blaine laughed. “I guess some things never change. He was always trying to convince the Warblers to sing Taylor Swift.”

Kurt nodded and grinned at Blaine, because he remembered at least a few of those conversations, but Sebastian looked a little thoughtful as he watched Trent. “Some things never change,” he confirmed with a wry smile.

When Trent got back to the table, Blaine started reminiscing with him about old Warbler stories. Sebastian clapped an arm around Trent’s shoulders and gave him a quick squeeze and Trent leaned back into him as he talked to Blaine.

After a few minutes, it was Blaine’s turn and, as soon as he left the table, Kurt turned to Zeke. “Hey, do you know what Blaine’s singing?”

Zeke gave Kurt a suspicious look. “No? Why?”

“Because you should know that Fourth Wall got new mics since the last time you were here. They’re wireless.” Kurt knew that Zeke would understand exactly how much trouble he was about to be in.

Zeke looked terrified. “Wireless?”

Santana laughed. “Oh, you are so screwed. I suggest an emergency trip to the ladies’ room before he has a chance to start.”

Zeke just sighed and then dropped his head onto his folded arms.

Kyle gave Zeke a reassuring pat on the arm from across the table. “Maybe he’ll sing something sad this time?”

“I don’t think I understand anything that just happened,” Sebastian whispered into Kurt’s ear. Kurt just laughed and motioned to the stage, where Blaine had taken the mic.

Blaine introduced himself and then began [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97536498156/pentatonix-sings-love-love-love-by-scott-alan): “ _Make me a ring out of a cherry stem. We’ll make a home out of recycled soda cans. We’ll use the light from the moon above. I don’t need much as long as there is love._ ”By the time he started the second verse, Blaine had jumped off the stage and was dancing and flirting with the audience members as he slowly made his way to their table in the back.

Kurt glanced over at Zeke to see him shaking his head and grinning as Blaine ran across a few empty chairs and hopped down in front of Zeke, grabbing his hand. Considering the fact that Zeke was hardly pale, it was fairly impressive that he managed to turn bright red as Blaine serenaded him. Kurt definitely understood how Zeke was feeling, having been the recipient of more than a few Blaine Anderson songs in his day. Back in college, when Kurt’s relationship had been falling apart while Blaine and Zeke were still going strong, Kurt had occasionally resented them both. These days, he only felt a bit of a pang at the fact that they had figured everything out, and he really hadn’t.

When Blaine pulled Zeke’s hand to his chest on _I need someone who can devote to me, who has the same dreams that I do and wants to raise a family_ , the audience let out a collective “awww.”

Blaine backed his way back up to the stage for the end of the song and took a bow at the loud applause. After Zeke stood up to let Blaine squeeze back into their booth, Blaine dropped his arm around Zeke and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek.

“You are so lucky I put up with you,” Zeke said with a sigh.

Blaine laughed. “Come on now, you love it.”

“I love _you_.” Zeke leaned in to kiss Blaine properly.

Sebastian pushed Santana until she let him jump up from the table. “Oh good lord, that’s my cue to go.” He headed off in the direction of the bar.

Santana glared daggers at his back and flopped back in next to Kurt. “Any chance we can leave, too?”

Kurt laughed. “I think we’re just going to have to deal with it. If we’re lucky, Rachel and Kyle won’t start up, too.”

In response to this comment, Kyle cheerfully flipped Santana off. Rachel looked around the table and then turned to Lexie. “Speaking of couples, where’s Matt.”

Lexie downed her drink in one gulp. “Hell if I know. He’s not my problem anymore.”

“What?” Kurt said, confused.

“Apparently he doesn’t feel like we have ‘compatible lifestyles.’” She said, looking angrier by the minute.

Kyle reached over and grabbed her shoulder. “When did this happen? Why didn’t you call me?”

Lexie shot a glance over to Andrew, which Kurt took to mean she’d called him instead of Kyle and then said, “Yesterday. And sweetie, I love you, but when I’m contemplating the prospect of being completely alone and unlovable, you aren’t always the person I want to talk to.”

Kyle looked a little shell shocked. Before he had a chance to respond, Lexie shooed Trent, Blaine and Zeke out of the booth. “My song’s coming up,” she said, and walked away.

Sebastian came back with the drinks a moment later and looked confused as he heard Andrew say, “She’ll talk to you eventually, Kyle. I don’t even think she’s that upset about _him_. Just the concept of him.”

“What’s going on?” Sebastian asked.

Santana looked gleeful. “Looks like Lexie finally managed to offload the douchebag.”

That was where Kurt hit his breaking point. “You know what, Santana? You don’t get to gloat about this.”

She whipped around to face him. “Oh really? Why not?” As soon as Santana answered him, Kurt saw Zeke disappear.

“Everyone knows you don’t hate him because he’s a douchebag or because he can’t sing or whatever stupid fucking reason you can come up with.” Kurt crossed his arms and stared at her head on.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rachel nodding along. “Kurt’s right, Santana. You can’t keep hating every person she dates. You have to tell her how you feel.”

“I don’t have to do shit, Berry!”

Kurt felt Kyle kick Santana lightly under the table as she started to stand up. “Calm down, all of you. Whatever you have to say, we can talk about it at home. Right now, no one is shouting, and no one is leaving. We are going to watch Lexie sing.”

Santana looked up to the stage and saw that Lexie was singing next. She crossed her arms and glared at Kurt, but she didn’t leave the table.

“Are you guys done?” Blaine asked. “Can I go get Zeke?”

“Yes, go get rebound boy,” Santana said, rolling her eyes. She’d never been very impressed with how easily startled Zeke could be.

Blaine shot her a disappointed look before standing up. “You know, we’re just calling him Zeke now.”

Andrew looked around the table and started laughing. “Well wow! This has been a fun night! Can we go out all the time?” This broke the tension and, by the time Blaine and Zeke got back, everyone was laughing.

Lexie stepped on stage a minute later and skipped her intro in favor of just starting [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97536649096/amy-winehouse-performs-will-you-still-love-me). “ _Tonight you’re mine completely. You give your love so sweetly. Tonight the light of love is in your eyes. Will you still love me tomorrow?_ ”

The way she sang, Kurt knew they’d have realized something was wrong even if she hadn’t told them. When she got back to the table, Kyle wrapped his arms around her and she settled into him. “I love you, too. For the record,” he said.

Once Lexie was back, it was Sebastian’s turn. He slipped out of his seat and grabbed a guitar from the band when he got to the stage. Blaine looked over at Kurt in confusion. “He plays guitar?”

Kurt laughed and nodded. He was amused that Blaine was just as surprised as he had been.

Sebastian grabbed a chair and started playing. Thankfully he’d chosen something calmer. They didn’t need anything more dramatic.

When Sebastian started singing the beginning of “[The Boxer](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97536930066/the-boxer-covered-by-mumford-sons-and-heres),” by Simon and Garfunkel, Trent started giggling. Kurt raised a questioning eyebrow at Trent, who just waved him off.

After his song was over, Sebastian rejoined them at their table and Trent said, “Remembering old times, Sebastian?”

Sebastian grinned. “Apparently!”

Trent turned to the rest of them to explain, “Sebastian sang one of the two leads on that song our Junior year of college. Remind me, Sebastian. Where’d you guys place at Nationals that year?”

“Second. Fuck you,” Sebastian said. “He’s being a smug asshole because his team won that year.”

Trent shot Sebastian an angelic smile as Sebastian continued, “Remind me, Trent, who won not only the National championship, but also ‘best soloist’ our senior year?”

“I seem to have forgotten,” Trent said with a laugh. “But if you keep talking about it, you’ll have to sing that song for them next.”

Andrew leaned over to Kurt and whispered, “The first thing I’m doing when I get home is YouTubing Sebastian singing “The Boxer” with an a capella group.”

Kurt laughed. He had a similar plan, but he’d probably have to wait until Sebastian was out of the apartment. “Personally, I suggest YouTubing ‘Dalton Academy Warblers’ and ‘Glad You Came’ if you really want to amuse yourself.”

Andrew gave Kurt a suspicious look but then was distracted by looking up at the stage. “Oh, oops. That’s my cue,” he said, and then pushed everyone on Kurt’s side of the table out so he could get up and make his way to the stage.

“Is this going to be another ridiculous song?” Trent asked.

Kurt looked at the way Andrew was standing as he adjusted the mic stand. “I think no?”

When Andrew started singing, Kurt was proven right. The song was [a ballad](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97537082371/remy-zaken-performs-if-we-meet-again-by), and Andrew sang it beautifully. The fact that it wasn’t the kind of song you dance in the aisles to didn’t lessen Andrew’s ability to grab a crowd even a little bit. “ _We could fall in love, though life would be completely different then. We could fall in love if we were to meet again._ ”

Andrew took a bow, and when he got back to the table, he crawled under it to get to his seat. When he appeared next to Kurt, Kurt nudged him and said, “Fall in love, huh?”

“Stranger things have happened,” Andrew replied with a laugh. Kurt couldn’t help but feel that there was something going on with Andrew’s choice of song, but he wasn’t going to push it, especially since he, Rachel, and Kyle were next.

For once, Kyle actually sang without playing the piano. Instead, they let Brad play for them.

Rachel introduced the three of them while Kyle and Kurt adjusted the mics. “I convinced the two most important men in my life—other than my dads—to sing this song with me because I feel like it’s pretty appropriate. I hope you enjoy it!”

Kurt grinned over at Rachel before he started [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97537367711/andy-mientus-andrew-kober-lexie-papedo-sing). After a few lines, Kyle joined him and then Rachel joined both of them. Kurt had spent plenty of time running around the apartment singing with the two of them, so it was fun to have a song that all three of them could sing together. And Rachel was right: it was pretty appropriate. To end the song, all three of them sang: “ _Though at times I think it’s crazy, it’s never hard to see that life is always crazy, just like me,_ ”and then Kurt finished on his own “ _What am I looking for?_ ”

They headed home not long after that and, as Kurt was getting ready for bed, he got a text from Andrew.

From Andrew:  
Holy shit, Kurt. Oh my god. What did I just watch?

Kurt spit out his toothpaste and grabbed his phone. He had a feeling he knew what Andrew was talking about.

To Andrew:  
I’m guessing it was a High School Show Choir competition.

From Andrew:  
That was the best thing I have ever seen. How was 18 year old Kurt not completely in love with him? He was ridiculous.

Kurt laughed. Being in love with Sebastian Smythe would never have crossed his mind back then.

To Andrew:  
1) 18 year old Kurt had a boyfriend. 2) 17 year old Sebastian was COMPLETELY insufferable.

From Andrew:  
I don’t see your point. 23 year old Sebastian is completely insufferable. And he was wearing a private school uniform. Who can resist a uniform?

To Andrew:  
He’s a different kind of insufferable now. And the uniform had no effect on me, considering Blaine and I also had them.

From Andrew:  
Oh my god! I just realized, there have to be videos of you and the rest of your high school friends from these competitions, too!

Kurt wasn’t sure how he’d managed to avoid having Andrew see those videos before now, but he was completely screwed; his only comfort was that so were Rachel, Santana, and Blaine.

He was staring at his phone waiting for a reaction from Andrew when Sebastian dropped into bed next to him.

“What’s happening on the phone?” Sebastian asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Andrew’s just discovered high school show choir on YouTube.”

“Oh shit,” Sebastian said, laughing.

Kurt turned to look at him. “He saw your videos first!” That stopped Sebastian’s laughter. “He apparently thinks you looked hot in your Dalton uniform.”

“I’d call him a perv, but I totally did.”

Kurt’s phone chimed again.

From Andrew:  
Holy shit, Kurt! Look at you. You were a BABY! Look at your little round cheeks! And Blaine’s complete and total heart eyes. You guys did know that wasn’t a love song, right?

To Andrew:  
Aaaaand I’m done talking to you. Go to bed. Turn off the computer.

“You know Kurt,” Sebastian said, “I suddenly feel like I haven’t searched you on YouTube often enough.”

* * *

        

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I've written Make Me Happy, I've learned that some times the music actually does drive the story rather than the other way around. This is one of those times because the reason Blaine even showed up at this point in the story is because I heard "Love, Love, Love" and decided that I needed a reason for him to sing it. In the end, I'm really glad that happened because I really think the story is better over all for him having shown up at this point.
> 
> Also, blame Kat for giving me permission to go image crazy!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a minute to thank all of you guys for all of your comments and kudos. The response has been overwhelming. Several of my friends can attest that I spent the lead up to actually posting this fic freaking out that NO ONE WOULD EVER READ IT. Thanks for proving me wrong.

**January 15th, 2019**

It was always funny the way timing worked out. Kurt had been going out of his mind for nearly three months without a show to do, and then he was going directly from the reading of The Longest Distance to the start of rehearsals for Next to Normal.

The Longest Distance was more of a sprint than a marathon. Kurt had done readings before but never for anything so complicated or where he had such a large part. Kyle and Lexie were working until all hours of the night to tighten things that they could fix quickly. Kurt and Andrew both went home exhausted every day, and, when they had time to discuss, both agreed that they felt like their brains were melting. Andrew ended up coming over to review a few things with Kurt and fell asleep in Kurt’s bed. It wasn’t exactly the first time, so Kurt just pulled his shoes off and fell asleep next to him. Santana had several less than polite comments to make upon finding Andrew brushing his teeth in their bathroom in the morning.

The reading went really well. Almost all of the industry people that Kyle and Lexie had wanted to come were there. Kyle’s parents couldn’t be bothered to show up, but Lexie’s parents came, and Hiram and Leroy both took off work to fly out for the day. Rachel said that they had suggested it when they found out about Kyle’s parents.

There were two shows, one at 11am and one at 3pm. Both of them ended with loud applause and quite a few people telling Kyle and Lexie that they’d be in touch. Rachel’s dads had both cried and, when they had a chance, pulled Kyle aside to hug him and tell him how proud of him they were.

After the 3pm reading, they went out to dinner with the parents and a few cast members. Santana was with them, too. She’d taken off work to be at the later show. One of those purely Santana gestures that you felt like you shouldn’t mention in case you scared her away.

They spent dinner discussing the details of the reading. Kurt was floating because Kyle and Lexie had said that everyone they talked to had mentioned how fantastic he was. After dinner, everyone went home except Lexie, who followed Kyle back to the apartment to keep discussing the show.

As soon as they walked through the door, all five of them collapsed in a pile on the floor. After a few minutes of silence, Kyle turned to Lexie and said, “We are never doing that thing in twenty nine hours again.”

Lexie shook her head. “Hell no. What assholes wrote that? It’s too much work!”

Rachel reached down to link her fingers with Kyle’s. “Good work, though. You guys were amazing.”

“We didn’t do half bad,” Lexie said. “Next we just have to revise.”

Kyle groaned and flopped his hand, still holding Rachel’s, over his eyes. “We can revise after I have the chance to sleep for a few days.”

* * *

 

**January 21st, 2019**

Less than a week after The Longest Distance, Kurt was on his way to his first Next to Normal rehearsal. He’d somehow managed to forget his book on the third or fourth time he re-packed his bag which meant that he had nothing to do on the subway ride uptown except freak out. The cast of Next to Normal was more than a little intimidating. There were only six actors in the show and two of them, Laura and R.J., who played his parents, had won Tony awards. They were going to start the rehearsal with a few meetings, but then they’d be straight into learning music, and Kurt would have to prove he was good enough to be on stage with everyone else.

At least he knew one person in the cast. He’d done a workshop with Carly, who was going to be playing his sister, during his senior year at NYADA, and they’d gotten along pretty well. Unfortunately, knowing that he’d have one friend in the room didn’t really help calm his nerves.

When he got off the train and could text again, he fired off a quick message.

To Sebastian, Rachel, Andrew, Santana, Kyle:  
I think the audition was less nerve wracking.

From Sebastian:  
And clearly you kicked ass at the audition! Obviously it’s a good sign.

From Rachel:  
Don’t you dare doubt yourself. You belong in that room just as much as anyone.

From Andrew:  
You are going to blow them away, gorgeous. Don’t even sweat it.

From Kyle:  
In my professional opinion as a Musical Director, you have nothing to worry about. They knew what they were doing when they cast you.

From Santana:  
Quit whining and go to rehearsal, Hummel. You’re only allowed to bitch about it if you actually aren’t good enough, so you have no excuse.

Kurt laughed. At least he’d always have his cheering section, even if some of them were more effective than others.

“Oh my god, Sebastian! It’s completely amazing. I can’t even tell you. The cast is even more fantastic than I imagined, and the direction is going to be brilliant.”

“Oh, hi, Kurt,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “Nice to hear from you! How was my day? Monotonous as hell. And they plan to make us work four more days before the weekend! Tyrants. How was your day?”

Kurt grinned even though Sebastian couldn’t see him and starting pulling food out to make dinner. “Yes, yes. I’m sorry. I’m just excited.”

“I’m glad you’re excited. Much better than nervous. So go ahead; tell me about it.”

“I still feel a bit like I’ve just been pushed out of the nest, but everyone’s really friendly.” Kurt dug through the back of the cupboard and finally dragged the rice out from under a bag of pretzels. “I got to talk to the director for a while about my character, too.”

Kurt could hear Sebastian banging around the kitchen on his end of the line. Apparently he was making dinner as well. “That’s good. What did he say?”

“We talked about him wanting the character to come across as really creepy. Seductively creepy at times. But he really wants the character to read as this ominous presence that hangs over everything in the show.” Kurt was really excited about the way they were planning to play his character. He wasn’t just getting to sing amazing songs; he was also getting to really stretch as an actor.

“Sounds like it’s going to be awesome,” Sebastian said. Then there was a loud banging noise. “Fuck.”

Kurt laughed. “What just happened?”

“I dropped a lot of pots.” Sebastian sounded completely exhausted. “I’m not even sure why I own this many pots. I think I’ll just sit here with them and see if they get up and make dinner on their own.”

“That sounds like it might work!” Kurt’s heart hurt a little at how defeated Sebastian sounded about everything. “What kind of monotonous day was it? Boring meetings or piles of paperwork?”

Sebastian sighed. “Neither. I’m trapped in a three day statistics training.”

“Oh my God, why?”

“Because I do some stats in my job, and, according to our new company policy, anyone who does statistics and doesn’t have a statistics degree has to be retrained.”

“I have nightmares that go like that,” Kurt said as he pulled out a cutting board and started chopping vegetables. “Like actual, literal nightmares.”

Sebastian laughed, and Kurt could hear him start putting the pots away in the background as he complained to Kurt about how insanely slowly the instructor taught. They’d moved on to discussing Blaine’s latest plot line on Martian High—he’d just found out that the old laptops at his high school couldn’t actually contact the mother ship and that he’d really been emailing his reports to the janitor—when Kyle walked in.

“Honey, I’m home!” he shouted, as he started pulling off his layers of outerwear.

Sebastian had obviously heard through the phone because he said, “Is he talking to you or Rachel?”

“I’m honestly not sure. But either way I should go do some roommate bonding.” He’d just finished cooking dinner, so it was a good time for him to get off the phone anyways.

Rachel came out of her room and wandered over to sit at the island while she waited for Kyle to finish putting his coat away.

“Sounds good,” Sebastian said. “Tell them I said hi.”

Kyle came over to the island and leaned down to kiss Rachel as Kurt pulled his stir fry off the stove.

“So how _is_ Sebastian?” Rachel asked once she and Kyle were sitting on their own stools.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “He’s fine, thanks for the implication.”

“I implied nothing. The implication was all in your head.”

That was, of course, the point at which Santana decided to join them. “I’m always willing to imply something.”

Kurt decided he had only one choice: distract them with food. “Everyone go sit at the table so we can eat!”

That actually worked pretty well, and soon they were all seated around the table eating stir fry. They fell into small talk for a little while before Rachel turned to Kyle and crossed her arms. “Okay, we’ve waited long enough! How were your meetings?”

Kyle and Lexie had scheduled two meetings that day, both to talk about The Longest Distance. One of them had been with John Francesco to discuss his thoughts on the show, and the other had been with the Artistic Director of Second Stage Theatre, one of the Off-Broadway companies that frequently moved shows to Broadway. The fact that Kyle had a meeting with the Artistic Director at all was a good sign.

“They were okay,” Kyle said. This response was pretty suspicious. Kyle had a habit of trying to mess with them by downplaying things whenever he had really big news. So Kyle saying that the meetings were okay was just as likely to mean that he’d won the lottery in the middle of one of them.

Santana glared at him. “Get on with it, Rosen. We’re not going to wait forever.”

Kyle grinned back at her. “Okay fine. So the meeting with John was really good. He agreed with a lot of the issues that we’ve all already talked about. He mentioned that the opening really needs to be reworked, which we knew before we started the reading, we just didn’t know how to rework it, and he had a couple of ideas on that. He mentioned that Ian’s solo needs some help lyrically, which is definitely true, and he brought up a couple of other songs. He also brought up something we hadn’t really talked about.”

Rachel quirked an eyebrow at him. “Do tell.”

“He said that it seems like the idea of Jeremy and Ian being an epic love story seemed to show up in the middle of the script.”

“Oops,” Rachel said and started to giggle.

Santana looked between them. “Okay, what’s so funny?”

“Well, it’s funny because that’s basically what we did. Lexie and I were pretty far into writing it before we realized that our ending didn’t have the kind of emotional weight it needed and that we really needed the romance aspect to be stronger.”

“So he caught you, is what you’re saying.” Kurt said with a laugh. He and Andrew had noticed that there was something a little undeveloped about the love story when they’d been rehearsing as Jeremy and Ian, but he was amused that John Francesco had pinpointed the problem exactly.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Santana joined Kurt at the counter. “This is scintillating. We get it, Rosen. John Francesco’s insights make your panties wet. Are you going to tell us what happened with Second Stage?”

Instead of protesting, Kyle just sighed dreamily, and Rachel punched him. “Hey! You’re taken!”

“I only have a crush on his brain, Rach!”

“Get to the point!” Kurt said. Now that Santana had reminded him, he wanted to know what had happened in the Second Stage meeting. If Kyle was sitting on news, that was where it would come from.

“Okay, fine,” Kyle said, sticking the last of the leftovers in the fridge. “The meeting went really well. We also talked through the changes they’d like to see in detail, which weren’t anything surprising. Then they said that, if Lexie and I can get these revisions taken care of, they’d like to do a workshop of the show. Probably next fall.”

Rachel squeaked and nearly dropped the plate she was holding. Kurt stood up straight. A workshop with a theatre like Second Stage would be a really good step for The Longest Distance. It meant that there were people who thought this show was worth pursuing.

Before Rachel could hug him, Kyle said, “Don’t get too excited; we still have a lot of details to iron out. But they said that, if the workshop goes well, they would be aiming to add a full production to their 2020-2021 season.”

This time Rachel did throw herself on him as Kyle laughed. Kurt was mostly trying to catch his breath. This was huge for Kyle and Lexie, but it wasn’t small for him, either. If he could continue to prove he belonged with this show—and after the reactions to the reading, he thought he could—this show could be his chance to star on Broadway. Everything seemed a little too possible just then, and it was making him kind of dizzy.

Kurt felt Santana’s hands curling around his biceps, and he realized she was standing behind him. “Keep breathing, Hummel. We’ve got a long way to go before any of this happens.”

He nodded and leaned back into her a bit. “I know,” he said quietly, “but we’re going.”

* * *

 

**February 1st, 2019**

As soon as Kurt opened the front door of his building, he heard the yelling coming from upstairs. He’d just picked Sebastian up from the train station, and roommate drama hadn’t been on his to-do list for the evening.

Kurt groaned out loud at the sound, and Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “I have no idea,” Kurt said in response, “but Rachel and Kyle are out for the evening, so it must be Santana.”

“Or really angry burglars?” Sebastian followed Kurt up the stairs, wincing as the yelling got louder.

Kurt took a deep breath before putting his key into the lock on his front door. “We’d be lucky if it was burglars.” Then he opened the door.

“I can’t deal with this anymore, Santana!” He heard Lexie shout as soon as he opened the door. With that one sentence, it was totally clear to Kurt what was going on. Obviously Santana had finally reached the end of Lexie’s patience.

“Lexie, come on. Don’t be ridiculous—” Santana actually trying to mollify someone was an interesting turn of events. She was fighting a losing battle, though. Lexie didn’t get angry very often but when she did, she wasn’t going to calm down easily.

“Ridiculous? Ridiculous? You want to know what’s ridiculous? How about you acting like you own me when you refuse to even admit that you want me?” Lexie looked like she wasn’t sure if she was going to start crying or punch something.

Santana rolled her eyes. “When have I ever acted like I own you?”

Lexie responded with sarcastic laughter. “How about with everyone I’ve dated for years? Years, Santana! So here’s the deal: I don’t want to hear from you until you figure out what you want from me. Either you want to be with me, or you don’t.” Then she turned and stormed out of the apartment without giving Santana a chance to answer, muttering hello to Kurt and Sebastian on her way past them.

As soon as Lexie was gone, Santana flopped down on the couch. Kurt and Sebastian stared at each other in shock for a few seconds before Sebastian dropped his bag and crossed to sit down next to Santana. Kurt wasn’t entirely sure that Sebastian could handle Santana in a moment like this without getting killed, but he figured that he might as well let Sebastian try. Kurt left Sebastian to worry about Santana and turned around to headed back out the door after Lexie.

Lexie hadn’t gotten far. Kurt found her leaning on the snow-covered fence in between their building and the next building down. She looked up when he approached, and he saw that she was crying.

“Your face is going to freeze, sweetie,” he said as he reached out and pulled her into a hug.

She wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her face in his coat. “I don’t get it, Kurt.”

Kurt sighed. He knew what she meant. He’d missed out on a lot while he was on tour, but from what Rachel had told him, Santana had been pretty unsubtle about having feelings for Lexie for years, but when Lexie was single she never bothered to do anything. “I don’t know, Lexie. I’ve known her a long time, but that doesn’t mean she makes sense to me.”

“Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I’m reading it wrong. Maybe she really doesn’t want me.” Lexie squeezed in closer to him and shivered.

“If you’re reading it wrong, then we all are. But I don’t think you are. I know you’ve given her a lot of time, Lex, but maybe she just needs a push?”

Lexie pulled back from him and reached up to brush the snow out of his hair. “If I thought that, I don’t think I would have been dating other people all of these years. I think I’ll just go home and watch He’s Just Not That Into You.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” It was actually fairly out of the way for Kurt to take the subway to Brooklyn and back, but he wasn’t sure he felt comfortable letting Lexie go alone.

“No, I’m okay. It’s not that late, and I need some time to think.”

Kurt ended up compromising by walking her the few blocks to the subway.

“What should I tell Kyle?” Kurt asked, as they approached the subway. Santana and Lexie fighting was going to leave all of them in a weird place, but it would be weirdest for Kyle. Kyle lived with Santana, but Lexie was his best friend.

“Tell him to call me when he gets home?” She said and then gave him another hug before heading down the stairs.

When Kurt got back to the apartment, he found Santana and Sebastian sitting next to each other on the couch. She was leaning into his shoulder and neither of them was saying anything. Kurt decided not to question it and instead wandered to the kitchen to make some cocoa.

“Your boy has really boney shoulders, you know,” Santana said as Kurt handed her a mug of cocoa.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and smiled up at Kurt as he reached for the other mug.

“I’m familiar,” Kurt said as he smiled back at Sebastian, who pretended to pout for a few seconds before laughing instead. Kurt had decided that now wasn’t the time to argue about the “your boy” thing. He wasn’t exactly winning the argument, and he didn’t feel like arguing semantics when he actually had Sebastian there.

“Should we put on a movie?” Sebastian asked before Kurt sat down.

Santana sighed. “I suppose. As long as Hummel doesn’t put on some weepy girly crap.”

Kurt put on Silence of the Lambs.

* * *

 

Once Rachel and Kyle got home, Santana retreated to her room leaving Kurt to explain what had happened before he and Sebastian could go to bed.

Kurt finished getting ready first and ended up sitting on his bed in his pajamas waiting for Sebastian. He fiddled nervously with a pillow until Sebastian came back in the room. Sebastian really was unfairly adorable in pajamas.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Sebastian asked, suspiciously.

“I’m going to give you something. Don’t make a big deal about it okay?” Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

Sebastian jumped onto the bed next to him, bouncing Kurt slightly as he landed. “Is it your virginity?”

Kurt threw the pillow at Sebastian. “That joke would make a lot more sense if we weren’t sleeping together.” He leaned over and opened the drawer in his nightstand and started digging through it.

“Yeah, well, I thought of it, so I had to say it,” Sebastian said and then looked shocked when a set of keys landed in his lap. “Keys to your chastity belt?”

Kurt glared at him. “Yes, Sebastian. After six months of chastely sleeping in the same bed naked, you have finally worn me down.”

Sebastian winked at him. “I knew there was only so long you could resist me!”

Kurt snorted. “Only so long” was usually about fifteen minutes when they were alone. But he didn’t need to tell Sebastian that. “The square one opens the main door, and the round one opens the apartment. It’s not a gesture or anything. I just figured that, since I’ll be in rehearsals all day for a couple months and then performances after that, it would be really irritating for you to not have your own way in and—”

He was cut off by a quick press of Sebastian’s lips to his. “Thanks, Kurt,” Sebastian said as he lay back on his side of the bed and dropped the keys on his nightstand.

Kurt lay down next to him and laced their fingers together, squeezing Sebastian’s hand. They were quiet for a few minutes, and Kurt was just considering how best to transition to trying to get Sebastian’s clothes off, when Sebastian shot him a confused look. “Is someone blasting Wicked in the living room?”

As soon as Sebastian mentioned it, Kurt could hear it, too. “Must be Rachel. She does that a lot when things get tense. She’s always thought of herself as Elphaba. So have I, actually.”

Sebastian laughed. “That’s funny. I’ve always been pretty sure I was Fiyero.”

“Oh really?” Kurt asked and started imagining Sebastian in Fiyero’s tight pants.

“Yeah, you know. The spoiled rich playboy who never takes anything seriously and who slowly starts to see the world differently? Besides, I can sing it.”

Now that Sebastian mentioned it, Kurt could see it, and not just the pants. “You can sing it?”

Instead of answering, Sebastian [sang](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97767761271/aaron-tveit-performs-dancing-through-life-on): “ _The trouble with schools is they always try to teach the wrong lesson. Believe me, I’ve been kicked out of enough of them to know. They want you to become less callow, less shallow, but I say why invite stress in. Stop studying strife and learn to live the unexamined life._ ”

When Sebastian finished singing Fiyero’s solo, Kurt applauded. Sebastian sounded good. Really good. In fact, “Sebastian, I have a fantastic idea,” Kurt said, sitting straight up in his excitement

Sebastian just lifted an eyebrow at Kurt.

“Do you want to sing something totally ridiculous purely for the sake of pissing Rachel off?” Kurt asked.

“That sounds like something I would do.”

Kurt grinned at him. “Rachel and I have been fighting over who should be Elphaba for years. There’s this one song that she’s never gotten to sing. She’s been bugging Kyle for years, but he won’t sing it because he hates Wicked. If we sang it--”

“Rachel would not only be annoyed with us, she’d also be annoyed with Kyle?” Sebastian said.

“Exactly. So how do you feel about ‘As Long As You’re Mine’?” Kurt said, hoping Sebastian would agree. Now that the idea had occurred to him, he really wanted to do it. Sure, it might have been a little childish, but the fight over Elphaba had been going on since he and Rachel were sixteen, so he figured he was allowed to be a bit childish.

Sebastian grabbed Kurt’s hand and tugged it. “I feel pretty good about it.”

Kurt got the hint and moved to hover over Sebastian. “Oh good,” he said, and then he moved for a kiss.

Later, when they were both cleaned up, Kurt was lying with his head on Sebastian’s chest, tracing imaginary patterns on his stomach. “Hey, Sebastian?”

Sebastian made a tired noise that Kurt interpreted as a response. “If you’re Fiyero, shouldn’t you be off falling in love with an odd green girl with a lot of convictions?”

“I’ll get right on it,” Sebastian said, his voice sleepy, “as long as you don’t mind sticking around until I do.”

* * *

 

**February 4th, 2019**

By the time it was Kurt and Sebastian’s turn to sing at Fourth Wall on Monday, Kurt was thrilled to get away from the table. Things in their group had been more than a little tense. Both Santana and Lexie had come out to Fourth Wall with them despite the fact that they hadn’t talked at all since Friday night. Lexie was there because she was determined that her issues with Santana weren’t going to make it so they couldn’t hang out as a group. Santana was there because, well, she hadn’t really told them. Kurt had no idea what she was thinking about the whole situation.

Either way, the weirdness between them had left the rest of the group trying to be especially cheerful to make up for it. Then, of course, everyone had found out that Kurt and Sebastian were doing a duet, and Kurt had been the recipient of several suspicious looks. It was hardly fair for them to act like Kurt and Sebastian singing together was a big deal when practically all of them had dueted together before, but he supposed it went with the territory.

Kurt tried to shake off the tension from the table before introducing the song. “I really want to dedicate this song to my best friend, Rachel Berry, and Sebastian agreed to help me. Rachel will understand what I mean.”

As soon as the piano player began to play the opening notes of [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97767881521/as-long-as-your-mine-from-the-original-broadway), Rachel’s look turned murderous. Santana caught her look and rolled her eyes, and Kyle started laughing. After that, Kurt had to stop paying attention to them and focus on the performance, but he was glad he was getting the desired reaction. Sebastian joined him, and then they sang together on a verse before they got to Kurt’s favorite part.

“ _Say there’s no future for us as a pair,_ ” Sebastian sang, shooting Kurt what almost seemed like a wry smile.

Kurt joined him. “ _And though I may know, I don’t care. Just for this moment, as long you’re mine, come be how you want to and see how bright we shine. Borrow the moonlight until it is through and know I’ll be here holding you as long as you're mine._ ” And then they finished off the song with a bit of dialogue.

The crowd applauded loudly as Kurt and Sebastian headed back to the table to face Rachel. As soon as they were seated, she said, “Kurt, I thought we’d agreed that Elphaba is mine!”

Sebastian’s raised his eyebrows. “I thought you were kidding about that.”

Kurt shook his head and then looked back at Rachel. “We never agreed at all. You declared that, and I disagreed. Every time.”

Kyle snickered so Rachel turned her glare on him. “This is totally your fault.”

The typical Kyle reaction to something like this was just to ride it out, and this time was no different. “Okay, Rach. I’ll agree that it’s my fault if you agree that it really isn’t a big deal.”

Rachel threw up her arms at him and was about to start in on Kurt again when Santana pushed her and Kyle out of their seats. “Move, dwarf. I have to go sing.”

“I don’t think I deserve all this abuse,” Rachel said, as she settled back in her seat.

Sebastian leaned over to Kurt and whispered, “I still can’t believe Berry agreed to marry someone who hates Wicked.”

Andrew looked around the table with a slightly panicked look. “Anyone want to talk about something less contentious? How about hot guys? How does everyone feel about hot guys?”

Trent laughed. “Is that always your topic of choice?”

Before Andrew could answer, Santana stepped up to the mic. “I think I’ve had too much exposure to people who are better at singing their feelings than saying them,” she said, “because I owe someone an explanation, and this was the only way I could think of to do it.”

At the same moment they all turned to look at Lexie, who was looking at Santana, and then the [music started](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/97769478131/katrina-rose-dideriksen-performs-avalanche-by). “ _Remember this setting. Take in the view from above. Mountainous, infinite, mile after mile of the danger you love. It’s colder than winter. The vertigo’s starting to lift. Don’t try to touch, don’t warm me too much, you’re causing a tectonic shift.”_

Kurt whipped his head around to stare at Rachel in shock as soon as the song started. He knew the song, and he knew where it was going. He’d never expected Santana to put herself out there this much. Rachel looked just as shocked as he did.

He looked back at Santana as the song picked up. She was singing with her eyes closed and more genuine emotion than he’d seen from her in years. “ _‘Cause I’m the destroyer. I am the huntress. I’m the lonely one, the only one. I am the heartbroken. I am the unspoken. I have nothing inside left to give except for this avalanche. Only an avalanche. And love. Because I’m in love. I’m in love with you.”_

Sebastian squeezed Kurt’s wrist as Santana finished the song, but Kurt didn’t take his eyes off her. When she finished, they all just sat there for a moment listening to the applause of the crowd and watching Santana stand at the mic looking a bit stunned. Finally, Santana left the stage, and their paralysis seemed to be broken.

“Get up, get up, get up,” Lexie said and pushed on Andrew’s shoulder until Kurt, Sebastian, and Andrew moved out of the booth so she could get up.

“Lex?” Kyle said, looking more than a bit startled.

Lexie started pulling her coat on. “It’s fine, Kyle. I just can’t have this conversation in a bar.” She grabbed Santana’s coat as well and then walked towards where Santana was coming back from the stage. They discussed for a minute, and then Santana threw her coat on and followed Lexie outside.

Everyone at the table shared glances before Trent said, “What the hell just happened?”

It was nearly four a.m. when Kurt heard the front door open and shut. He could tell that Santana was trying to be quiet, but he hadn’t been sleeping all that deeply. Kurt disentangled himself from Sebastian’s arms, smiling at the small whining noise that Sebastian made as Kurt pulled away.

He walked into the living room to find Santana hanging up her coat. Rachel walked in right after him, and they both stood on the other side of the room waiting for her to finish. When Santana looked up at them, she started and whispered, “Sometimes you two are creepier than I am.”

“We figured you weren’t coming home,” Rachel replied.

Santana rolled her eyes. “I took a cab.” Which, of course, didn’t tell them anything.

They all stood there for another moment, and then, finally, Kurt crossed the room to her and Rachel followed. “So what happened,” he said, his voice low.

“Well, she yelled at me a lot for being emotionally constipated and wasting years. And apparently normal people don’t express their feelings by singing in public.”

Kurt and Rachel both laughed quietly at this. “I don’t remember claiming to be normal,” Kurt said.

“That’s good. No one would believe you,” Santana said with a smile, and then got back to the point. “Yeah, she’s still mad at me. But we’re going to give it a try.”

Rachel squeaked as quietly as possible and then threw her arms around Santana, who gave Kurt a terrified look over Rachel’s shoulder. When they were done, Kurt pulled her into a slightly calmer hug, even though he sort of wanted to squeak, too. He really believed that, as long as they could keep their shit together, Santana and Lexie were going to be a good couple.

Santana sent Kurt and Rachel back to bed after that, and when Kurt climbed back into bed Sebastian flinched away from him.

“Your feet are cold!” Sebastian said but moved back into Kurt’s space. Kurt was surprised that he was even awake. Once they’d settled back in each other’s arms, Sebastian ran his arm along Kurt’s back and said, “So?”

“So my friends are idiots,” Kurt replied, smiling into Sebastian’s chest. “And also dating.”

“Good,” Sebastian said, and they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

**February 14th, 2019**

A week and a half later, Kurt and Rachel were sitting on the living room couch. Kurt had his arm wrapped around Rachel’s shoulders as she pouted into her bowl of popcorn. “Do you think he has _any_ idea what day it is?”

“Honestly, I’d say it would be almost impossible not to notice, but I’m not even sure when he last ate, never mind walked into a store,” Kurt said, squeezing her a little tighter. “We could ask?”

Rachel seemed to think about this for moment and then stood up. “You’re absolutely right, Kurt. I don’t have to sit here moping and waiting to see if he knows what today is. I’ll just ask!”

She marched into her room with Kurt trailing behind her. “Kyle,” she said, tapping him on the shoulder. “Kyle!”

Kyle pulled off his headphones and looked at her as if she’d just woken him up from a dream. “Oh, hey, sweetie. Can you give me five minutes?”

Rachel nodded, and she and Kurt jumped onto her bed. They chatted for five minutes with no sign of a change from Kyle. “Kyle!” Rachel shouted, loudly enough for him to hear.

Kyle nodded along to the music he was playing and held up one finger. Rachel collapsed backwards onto the bed in response. “At this point, I’m lucky that he knows I’m alive.”

This was Kurt’s breaking point. Rachel sounded like she was about to start crying, and, as much as he didn’t usually interfere in their relationship, Kyle clearly need help here.

“Kyle Rosen, take the headphones off!”

Kyle jumped half a foot and stared at Kurt. “What’s going on?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Kyle, do you have any idea what day it is?”

“Sometime in mid-February,” Kyle answered, distracted.

Rachel sat up and stared at Kurt. She mouthed “Oh my god” at Kurt before letting him continue.

“Can you think of any days in mid-February that Rachel might like you to remember?” Kurt felt like he was talking to someone who’d suffered a serious head injury.

This was apparently a difficult question. Kyle thought about it for a minute before answering, “Not off the top of my head?”

Kurt glared at Kyle, willing him to come out of his composing induced haze and figure it out.

Finally it seemed to dawn on Kyle. “Oh fuck.” He met Rachel’s eyes. “Oh fuck, honey, I’m so sorry.”

Kurt figured it was time for him to leave and let them handle this on their own. Kyle was standing up as Kurt started out the door. When they passed each other, Kurt patted Kyle on the shoulder and stage whispered, “Just a friendly suggestion. If you’re planning on celebrating and/or grovelling, I suggest you shower first.”

To Sebastian:  
Kyle forgot Valentine’s day.

From Sebastian:  
He didn’t plan anything??

To Sebastian:  
I asked him what day it was and he told me “mid-February”.

From Sebastian:  
If Rachel kills him, please put it on youtube.

To Sebastian:  
You can trust me. I have spent my whole life preparing for this moment.

To Sebastian:  
Happy Valentine’s Day, by the way.

From Sebastian:  
Thanks! My boss gave me candy, so I’ve decided it isn’t all bad. Happy Valentine’s to you, too!

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 29 hours would be the length of the rehearsal process for the reading, which is capped by Actor's Equity Association, the stage actors union in the US. (You can do a 29 hour reading if you pay the actors a stipend of $100 each, if you do not pay the actors, the max is shorter.)
> 
> (Random facts ftw?)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor spoilers for Perks of Being a Wallflower again. Seriously though, just put down the fanfic and go watch/read it.

**March 2nd, 2019-March 11 th, 2019**

It turned out that Sebastian’s March visit was perfectly timed with tech week for Next to Normal. Kurt warned him that they probably wouldn’t do anything exciting since he would need to rest up, but Sebastian didn’t seem fazed.

In preparation for a week of eleven hour days, Kurt mostly dedicated Saturday to lying around the house with Sebastian. Kyle still had a few weeks until he started Associate Music Directing Medea, John Francesco’s newest off-Broadway musical. He’d decided he needed a creative break from The Longest Distance, because he was starting to lose perspective, so he ended up hanging around the house with Kurt and Sebastian. Rachel was at rehearsal, and Santana had plans with Lexie, so it was just the three of them for the day.

Kurt and Sebastian slept in and then didn’t bother to get out of bed very quickly. When they shuffled out to the living room to see what Kyle was up to, they were subjected to a fair amount of good-natured teasing. Kurt ended up offering to make breakfast to shut him up.

At 2:30, Kurt had to leave to get a haircut. He was only gone for an hour, but when he came back he found Sebastian and Kyle parked in front of the TV, staring at it intently.

As he shut the door, he heard Sebastian shout, “Are you _fucking_ with me? How is that a slash? You’re blind, ref!”

Kurt jumped back, startled, and Kyle laughed at him. “This has been going on for about half an hour, if you’re curious.”

“Jesus Christ, pay attention! You’re a man down! You have to slide!” Sebastian shouted, leaning forward to get closer to the TV.

“What on earth is it?” Kurt asked. He could tell that Sebastian was watching lacrosse, but he had no idea why there was so much yelling.

Kyle laughed again as Sebastian flailed and then cheered. “Harvard is playing Princeton in lacrosse,” Kyle explained. “Apparently that results in yelling.”

“I guess I’ll use this time to catch up on Twitter,” Kurt said, smiling. He wasn’t a big sports fan, but he had no problem letting the game play in the background if it made Sebastian happy, especially since Kyle seemed to be enjoying it.

When Kurt plopped down on the other side of the couch from Sebastian with his laptop, Kyle said, “You might enjoy watching it, actually. The guys are really hot, and they hit each other with sticks. Plus Sebastian is hilarious.”

“What?” Sebastian said, hearing his name.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “We’re talking shit about you.”

Sebastian glared at him and shifted on the couch so that his legs were stretched out and his toes were wedged under Kurt’s thigh. Kurt gave his feet a questioning look. “I’m cold,” Sebastian explained, with a look that dared Kurt to doubt him.

It was as good a compromise as any. Kurt had no desire to be anywhere near Sebastian’s arms when he was flailing around like that. He rested a hand on Sebastian’s ankle and continued browsing with his other hand.

Harvard ended up winning the game, so Sebastian opened a bottle of wine in celebration, and the three of them got pleasantly tipsy and ordered a lot of pizza before Rachel and Santana got home. Then Kyle and Kurt annoyed Sebastian and entertained the girls by re-enacting Sebastian’s reactions to the lacrosse game. They watched a movie together before it was time for Kurt to get ready for his first day of tech and go to bed. It was a really nice lead up to what would be one of the most exhausting weeks of his life.

Kurt spent a lot of time that week reminding himself that he loved this show and that it was worth being this tired and overworked for a week to get it on its feet. On Sunday and Monday, Sebastian stopped by rehearsal for both lunch and dinner, which Kurt thought was ridiculously sweet, even if he did hear about it from the rest of the cast. On Tuesday, Sebastian had a lunch meeting, so Kurt was on his own after that.

By the end of the week, Kurt was exhausted, but he also knew that they had an amazing show on their hands.

From Sebastian:  
So how was the first preview?

To Sebastian:  
Exhilarating. Amazing. Magical. I can’t wait for you to see it.

From Sebastian:  
I can’t wait, either.

* * *

 

**March 23rd, 2019**

Rachel and Andrew went into tech for Perks of Being a Wallflower the Sunday before Next to Normal started previews, so there were about two weeks where Kurt barely saw either of them. They all gathered for lunch one day just to make sure everyone was still alive, but that was about it.

Since Next to Normal and Perks didn’t have the exact same schedules, they were all going to get to see each other’s shows when they were up and running. Once Andrew and Rachel had started previews, they came to see Kurt’s second Saturday matinee and came backstage to fawn over him.

“Kurt you were amazing!” Rachel said, as she threw her arms around him.

Andrew grinned at him over Rachel’s shoulder and waited for her to finally let go, then he did the same thing. “You really were fantastic,” he said into Kurt’s ear, and then pulled back. “And who knew you could work a pole like that?”

“Oh, he did it often enough in high school,” Rachel said, and Andrew gave her a confused look. “Why don’t we give Kurt a chance to greet his adoring public, and I’ll tell you about a very memorable performance of ‘I’m the Greatest Star’?”

Kurt laughed and shooed them away while he finished straightening up his dressing table. There shouldn’t be too much adoring public to greet, but there were usually a few people, and he’d seen on Twitter that there would be at least one person looking for him specifically.

Kurt took the escalator up to the New World Stages lobby and pushed his way out the doors to find a small crowd of people waiting. To his amusement, everyone out there seemed to want to talk to him. The stage door crowd at Next to Normal was totally different than the one at What Women Want had been. For one thing, there were more of them. For another, they all gushed about the show and told him how moved they were.

He signed a few autographs and posed for a few pictures before he reached a familiar face. “Oh my god, you were fantastic!” Frankie said, bouncing slightly as he reached her.

“Thanks, Frankie,” Kurt said, and then leaned down slightly to give her a hug.

She looked at him with wide eyes. “You remember my name?”

Kurt laughed. She’d been one of the few people he’d met at What Women Want who had seemed really excited to talk to him. She’d also tweeted at him a few times, including today to say she was coming, so he hadn’t had a hard time remembering her. “Well, I’m pretty sure you’re my first ever fan.”

Frankie grinned and gestured to her friends. “Just so you know, I have witnesses. I’m totally going to quote you on that!”

The whole concept of having a fan was completely amusing to Kurt. He guessed she technically wasn’t his first fan if you counted his family and friends, but he didn’t really. “I’m okay with that.”

After he posed for a picture with Frankie and her friends, Kurt continued down the line signing autographs. When he was a few people away, Frankie flailed and threw her arms around the girl next to her. It was a weird—but good—feeling to have that effect on someone.

* * *

 

**March 24th, 2019**

On Sunday night, Kurt finally had the chance to see Perks of Being a Wallflower with Kyle, Lexie, and Santana. He was familiar with a bit of the music from hearing Rachel rehearse around the house, but her role wasn’t large enough to give much of a feel of the show. All he really knew about it was that his friends who were in it thought that it was amazing.

The show was even better than he had imagined it would be. Kurt had read the book and seen the movie, and he was convinced that Perks was one of those pieces that could be a fantastic musical if done right, but it would be easy to do wrong. Luckily, the creative team had known exactly what they were doing. All of the music being sung in the show was original, but it felt like it belonged with the classic songs, like “Come On Eileen,” “Heroes,” and “Asleep,” that were played during the show.

Kurt was totally engrossed in the story. It had never been an easy one for him to watch, but that was part of why he loved it. He knew what was coming, which made it easier. Andrew was fantastic. He was electric from his first appearance, and he carefully captured all of Patrick’s energy and vulnerability. Andrew had a lot in common with his character, but, for Kurt, it was clear that Patrick was a completely different person. When “Come On Eileen” started playing and Andrew and the actress playing Sam started dancing, Kurt laughed remembering Andrew’s performance of the song at Fourth Wall.

When Rachel entered for the first time as Mary Elizabeth, Kurt reached out and grabbed Santana and Kyle’s hands. They squeezed back and occasionally exchanged glances when Rachel got to have a moment. She was a very different Mary Elizabeth than the actress in the film, but Kurt thought she played it just as well. And, of course, she killed her song, which featured her talking the main character, Charlie’s, ear off on the phone.

Adam was the biggest surprise to Kurt. He wasn’t an obvious choice for Patrick’s closeted jock boyfriend, Brad, but he played the contrast between Brad’s douchebag popular façade and his vulnerable moments with Patrick really well.

When the first act ended and the house lights came up, he and his friends sat in silence for a few seconds. Finally, Kyle said, “So … that went well.”

Lexie stood and stretched. “If the second act is as good as the first, this thing is going to Broadway.”

Once she was up, Santana climbed out past her. When Kurt raised an eyebrow at her, she said, “I’m going to the bar. Then I’m going to tell anyone I run into that our friends are the most fucking awesome thing about the show. And that’s saying something.”

Kyle, Kurt, and Lexie all laughed and leaned together to discuss the finer points of the show without being overheard. They knew that, since it was still an early preview, the production team was definitely somewhere in the house. Kyle knew the music director and had seen him sitting on the other side with some Public Theatre staff members, so they were probably safe, but they still didn’t want to be overheard, even saying mostly good things.

The second act started with the scene that Kurt had been dreading: Patrick getting beat up by the jocks after confronting Brad in the cafeteria. When the scene started, Santana looped her arm through Kurt’s without looking at him. She kept a hold on him until it was over.

It helped that Kurt knew this scene had been just as hard for Andrew to start working on as it was for Kurt to watch. The first time they’d worked through the fight choreography, Andrew had shown up at Kurt’s apartment, and they’d spent hours talking about how much it cost him as a performer to stay in Patrick’s head for a scene that reminded him so much of the parts of his high school experience he wished he could forget.

When the show ended, Kurt and his friends jumped to their feet. To their credit, most of the rest of the audience stood almost as quickly. Their group yelled like crazy for Andrew and Rachel, which earned them some questioning looks from the people around them.

After the curtain call, they headed out to the lobby. Kyle wanted to say hello to a few people he knew while they waited for Rachel and Andrew, so the rest of them ended up getting introduced to the musical director, a few band members, and some Public Theater staff members.

Rachel, Andrew, and Adam all came out together. The inclusion of Adam surprised Kurt, but he knew it shouldn’t have. Rachel had fallen back into casual friendship with him as soon as rehearsals had started. Andrew had also known him at NYADA, although they hadn’t really kept in touch. Kurt hadn’t actually seen Adam since he’d graduated nearly six years before, and he couldn’t help feeling a bit apprehensive.

Since it was a Sunday night, there weren’t too many people hanging around the lobby. Andrew, Rachel, and Adam were able to come right over to them. When they were a few feet away, Kyle grabbed Rachel in a hug and lifted her a few inches off the ground. Kurt heard him tell her that she “looked hot with pink hair” when he set her back down, and she slapped him lightly on the chest. Lexie threw her arms around Andrew, which left Kurt and Santana to stare at Adam slightly awkwardly.

Adam stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his toes nervously. Finally, Kurt broke the silence by saying, “I’d forgotten how good you are.”

Somehow that eased the tension, and Adam reached out to pull Kurt into a hug. “It’s nice to see you,” he said as he pulled back.

Adam quirked an eyebrow at Santana next. She sighed. “You were pretty good, David Tennant.”

“How on earth did you come up with … You know what? Never mind. Thanks, Santana,” he said and then hugged her as well.

By that time, Lexie and Kyle had let go of Andrew and Rachel, so Kurt took his chance to slip his arms around Andrew and bury his face in his friend’s shoulder.

Andrew hugged Kurt back tightly and whispered, “Hello to you, too,” into Kurt’s hair. After a minute, Andrew pulled back and looked at him with a smile. “Have you been crying, Kurt?” he said, obviously teasing.

Kurt laughed. “No. Shut up. The show was terrible, and you didn’t make me feel anything at all.”

Andrew crossed his arms and fake pouted at Kurt. Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt caught Adam laughing at Andrew. Finally, Kurt gave up. “You were amazing, and the show was amazing! But yeah, it was hard to watch.” Andrew responded by throwing his arms back around Kurt for another quick hug before turning to Santana.

It was Kurt’s turn with Rachel, so he picked her up and spun her in a circle. “I’d tell you I can’t believe how fantastic you were, but you know I’ve known all along.”

Rachel smiled at him demurely. “It was only a small part, you know.”

“Don’t even pretend you don’t know you were perfect.”

“Yeah, I was, wasn’t I?” she said, and they both started laughing.

* * *

 

**March 28th, 2019**

The first thing Kurt found when he got to his dressing room on opening night of Next to Normal was that his dressing table was covered in vases of flowers. The first was a brightly colored arrangement of tulips from his agent. The second was a spring arrangement from his dad, Carole, Finn, and Nora. The card said they were proud of him and told him to break a leg. Next was a bouquet of daffodils. The card read:

“We can't choose where we come from but we can choose where we go from there. Break a Leg!

Love,

Rachel, Kyle, Santana, Andrew, and Lexie”

He laughed and turned over the card to find that the back said,

“P.S. I’m so sorry. We weren’t watching when Andrew wrote the card. –Kyle

P.P.S. Stop quoting Perks of Being a Wallflower or I will shove a shoe down your throat –Santana

P.P.P.S. He could have at least chosen a quote that made sense. –Rachel”

He sat down and laughed long enough that one of the dressers came over and read the card. “Your friends are very weird,” she said with a smile.

“I know,” he said, shaking his head. “I really do.”

Once he’d calmed down, Kurt looked at the last vase of flowers. He had no idea who this one would be from, since he’d really only expected his parents and his agent.

It was a vase of deep red lilies, a color which he’d actually never seen before. The card read simply:

“You’re going to blow them away.

–Sebastian”

Kurt grinned. It would never have occurred to him that Sebastian would send flowers, but it probably should have.

To Sebastian:  
That’s quite a dramatic flower you’ve got there.

From Sebastian:  
You know me. Never do anything half way.

Opening night was amazing. Kurt could feel that the audience was with them every step of the way, and the curtain call was met with a huge standing ovation.

Since Rachel had a performance of Perks, Kurt had taken Santana as his date. It was a rather different experience since she insisted on critiquing everyone else’s outfits in his ear. And trying to play “spot the lesbian” with the rest of the attendees. She also spent a significant portion of the after party trying to get him drunk, and when they left the party around one in the morning she actually dragged him to another bar where they met a bunch of their friends, including Rachel, Kyle, Lexie, and Andrew.

“What are you guys still doing out?” Kurt asked. Kyle, Andrew, and Rachel had to work the next day, as did Santana.

Andrew pushed a drink into his hand and said, “We read your reviews and decided it was necessary to stay out to celebrate.”

Kyle handed Kurt his phone, and Kurt saw that the website he had open was the Times review. It raved about the production and called it a worthy successor to the Broadway version. It also mentioned that Kurt was someone to watch out for.

When Kurt handed the phone back to Andrew, Rachel proposed a toast to him, and Kurt accepted hugs from all of his friends. He was glad he’d be able to sleep in the next morning, because tonight was definitely worth it.

* * *

 

**April 1 st, 2019**

Kurt was sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal the following Monday morning when Rachel came out of her room, dressed to go out.

“Going somewhere?” Kurt asked when she walked into the kitchen.

Rachel started opening the cupboards and searching for food. “Just the grocery store. I’m out of everything, and you know I don’t like to send Kyle.”

Kurt nodded. Rachel was pretty particular about what she wanted, and Kyle tended to come back with an approximation of the groceries she’d put on the list: the wrong brand of pasta, baby carrots instead of whole carrots, strawberries instead of blueberries, that kind of thing.

“So you’ll never guess what the cast of Perks all found out last night,” Rachel said.

The cast had all gone out together the night before, and, as a result, Kurt had gone to bed before Rachel had gotten home.

Kurt looked at her, puzzled. She didn’t sound like she had juicy gossip to share. She sounded pissed off. “I have no idea, Rachel. What?”

“We found out about Adam and Andrew. And really, Kurt, you could have told me. There’s no reason I should have found out by accident with a bunch of people who have only known Andrew for a few months!”

Kurt sat frozen, staring at her with his spoon halfway to his mouth. He had no idea what she was talking about. She seemed to be implying that there was something going on between Adam and Andrew, but that didn’t make sense.

“What do you mean Adam and Andrew?”

Rachel looked at him, clearly shocked. “Wait. Did you not know?”

“Know what?”

“That Adam and Andrew are a thing?”

Kurt didn’t know what to say. How could Andrew be in a relationship and not tell him? Not to mention that Andrew didn’t even do relationships. Something was totally wrong here. “Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand?”

“Yeah, Kurt, I’m really sure. They’re totally dating. Did he really not tell you?” Kurt shook his head. “I really don’t understand what’s going on with him. I mean, how do you start dating someone for the first time ever and just not mention it to your best friends?”

Kurt had no idea, but he was going to find out. As soon as Rachel left to go to the grocery story, he went into his room and called Andrew.

“Hey, Kurt,” Andrew said when he answered the phone. He sounded as happy as always, but Kurt thought he heard a touch of wariness in Andrew’s voice.

Kurt jumped right in. “So I heard about you and Adam.”

Andrew sighed. “I thought you might have. I was going to tell you about that.”

“How on earth did that happen?”

“I don’t know. I’ve had a thing for him basically forever,” Andrew said. ‘He gave me a tour of NYADA my senior year of high school, and I’ve liked him ever since. So I guess things worked out. And I mean, you’ve seen him.” Andrew laughed a bit on the last sentence.

Kurt was totally frustrated with Andrew’s casual tone. As if it weren’t a big deal that he’d been secretly dating Kurt’s ex for god knew how long and had let him find out third hand from Rachel. “Yeah, naked in fact,” Kurt said, in case Andrew had forgotten.

“And I’ve seen you naked. What’s that got to do with anything?”

Apparently Andrew wasn’t getting the message. Kurt didn’t see why, if Andrew had the sudden urge to start dating, it had to be Adam. “Do you really think this is a good idea, Andrew? Adam is …” Kurt was trying to figure out how he could say what he wanted to say without offending his friend. “Adam isn’t a quick fling with your co-star kind of guy. He’s serious.”

“Right. He’s not into things like what he had with you.” And, okay, ouch. “Don’t take out your guilt about what happened between you and Adam on me.” There was a surprising amount of venom in Andrew’s voice. Kurt couldn’t remember Andrew ever sounding this angry with him.

Still, Andrew was missing the point. This wasn’t about Kurt and Adam; it was about Adam. “It’s got nothing to do with that! I just don’t want to see him get hurt.”

“Oh, of course. Because I couldn’t possibly have a real relationship. I’m just the cute, slutty friend.”

Apparently Andrew did get Kurt’s point, but when he said it that way it sounded terrible. “No, I don’t—“

But the damage was done now. “Yes, actually you do, Kurt. I’ve been one of your best friends for years. You’re supposed to be worried about me, not some ex you haven’t seen in six years.”

That wasn’t fair. Of course Kurt cared about Andrew more than Adam. “I am worried about you!”

“No you’re not! You’re worried I sleep around too much to be allowed around people you apparently actually respect!” Kurt could hear the tears starting to creep into Andrew’s voice. Andrew was a stress crier, so it wasn’t a surprise, but it still made Kurt’s heart hurt to hear it.

“Andrew!”

But Andrew wasn’t finished. “Which is pretty funny considering that you’ve done plenty of bed hopping since you ended things with Parker. And, I mean, that was Parker. When was the last time you were in a relationship with someone you actually liked? Luis?”

Kurt felt like he’d been slapped, the way he always did when someone mentioned Luis. It put him immediately on the defensive. “Okay, you know what? Stop. I can’t talk to you if you aren’t going to let me get a word in edgewise!”

“That’s convenient, because I can’t talk to you at all! This is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d be judgmental about it!”

As if Kurt wasn’t already angry, now Andrew was trying to claim it was Kurt’s fault that he’d kept such a huge secret. “As if I’ve cornered the market on judgmental in this conversation!”

Andrew paused for a moment, and Kurt could hear him take a deep breath. When he spoke, he sounded tired. “Look, I’m seeing a great guy. It makes me happy. It makes him happy, too. Come talk to me when you figure out how you want to feel about that.”

Kurt’s anger dissipated as easily as it had come when he heard the exhaustion in Andrew’s voice. All of a sudden, Kurt realized exactly how much of an asshole he’d been. “Andrew, wait—”

But he was too late. “Bye, Kurt,” Andrew said, and then the phone clicked off.

Kurt sat staring at the phone for a moment before he flopped back on his bed. He pulled his pillow over his face and screamed into it. He couldn’t believe he’d said all of those things to Andrew.

To Sebastian:  
Can you call me when you have time?

Less than 10 minutes later, his phone rang.

“Everything okay?” Sebastian asked as soon as Kurt answered the phone.

Kurt tried not to sound too choked up when he answered. “I’m a terrible person.”

Apparently he’d failed miserably, because Sebastian sounded concerned when he spoke again. “Kurt, what happened?”

“I had a fight with Andrew. He’s going out with Adam—my ex Adam—and he didn’t tell me. I don’t even know how long it’s been going on.”

“Wait, I thought Andrew didn’t do relationships?” Sebastian sounded confused.

Kurt laughed dryly. “He doesn’t! He hasn’t ever! But I guess things have changed.”

“Well I’ve been there,” Sebastian said. Kurt hadn’t really thought about it, but he supposed Sebastian had. “What did you say to him?”

“I kind of implied that he wasn’t actually capable of being in a relationship and that he wasn’t serious enough for Adam.”

Sebastian was quiet for a moment before responding. “Oh, Kurt …”

“I know!” Kurt said. “I was just so thrown by the fact that he didn’t tell me. I always figured I’d be the first person he told if he ever even thought about it.”

Sebastian let out a loud breath. “He was probably afraid.” Of course Sebastian was right. Andrew had been afraid to let anyone find out, and Kurt could hardly be offended about it when he’d confirmed all of Andrew’s fears.

“I know,” Kurt said with a sigh. “And he thinks that it’s because I feel guilty about me and Adam. Which is totally accurate, even if it isn’t the whole story. I just don’t know how I could have treated Andrew like that. We’ve _never_ even fought.”

“It was bound to happen sometime. But, Kurt, Andrew loves you. He has every right to be mad at you, but he’s going to forgive you if you apologize.”

“I know,” Kurt said miserably. “But he doesn’t need me hurting him. He’s had plenty of that.”

* * *

 

**April 2 nd, 2019**

Kurt was outside of Andrew’s apartment at noon the next day. He probably would have been there either way, but it didn’t hurt that Rachel and Kyle had said the same thing as Sebastian, although Kurt could tell they also weren’t at all happy with him. Santana had just told him he was a dumbass.

Not long after he rang the doorbell, one of Andrew’s roommates opened the door. She sighed when she saw Kurt and said, “I’ll get him.”

A few minutes later, Andrew shuffled into the living room wearing pajama pants and a too-large NYADA sweatshirt. His hair was a mess and he’d obviously been crying.

Kurt’s heart broke a little at the sight of him. He reached out immediately and wrapped his arms around Andrew’s neck to pull him into a hug. Andrew returned the hug and buried his face in Kurt’s shoulder, squeezing him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Kurt said.

“It’s not just you,” Andrew replied, sounding choked up. “I had to tell everyone after the cast found out, and people are acting like it’s a joke.”

Kurt closed his eyes. He was so angry at himself for being part of the problem. He was supposed to be the person on Andrew’s side. “They’re all idiots. Even me.”

“You are,” Andrew replied matter-of-factly. “Also, I talked to my dad.”

Well, that explained why Andrew was so upset. Andrew’s dad wasn’t especially homophobic or anything, he just really didn’t understand Andrew at all. On top of that, he was one of those people who didn’t really think about what he said, and, as a result, he tended to say really hurtful things without even realizing it. Kurt had spent more than a few nights comforting Andrew after his father had said something awful. He didn’t even need to ask what it was this time to know that it had probably been even worse on top of the reaction Andrew had already gotten from his friends.

“Fuck your dad,” Kurt said a little harshly, and Andrew responded with a quiet laugh.

At that point, Andrew pulled back from him and said, “I suppose you can come in.”

Both of Andrew’s roommates were in the living room watching TV, so Andrew led Kurt back to his room. Andrew climbed onto his bed, and, after slipping his shoes off, Kurt joined him. Once Kurt was situated on his back, Andrew put his head on Kurt’s shoulder and curled up with his knees resting against the side of Kurt’s hip. Kurt and Andrew had a long history of platonic cuddling, so this wasn’t at all unusual for him.

“I’m sorry I was such a jerk,” Kurt said finally.

“I know you are. And I do know you would have reacted differently if I’d told you when I should have. I just really didn’t see it coming, and I sort of felt like, if I told anyone, it would somehow stop being real.”

Kurt nodded. He knew that feeling—like something was too lucky and too precious to be his. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about it after how I acted yesterday, but I’m guessing you haven’t really had anyone to talk to?”

Andrew shook his head. “Not really. I mean, Adam of course. But I can’t exactly flail at him about how awesome my boyfriend is.”

“Well you could, I guess. But yeah, it might be a little bit weird,” Kurt said with a grin. “So … boyfriend, huh? Tell me all about it.”

“Oh thank god,” Andrew said, flopping over onto his back. “I’m such a mess. I should have told you ages ago, really. Adam’s being amazing about everything, but I still feel completely unprepared for relationships as a concept.”

“Yeah, how’d the whole relationship thing come to be on the table?”

Andrew thought about this for a moment before answering. “I don’t think it was ever really off the table, I guess,” he said. “Maybe when I first came to the city. I was still getting used to the idea that anyone could actually want me. And, you know, sex: what’s that about?”

“What _is_ that about?” Kurt said, giggling at Andrew’s ridiculousness.

“Well, I’ve done a lot of research on it. But I’m saving it for my thesis,” Andrew said, shoving at Kurt’s shoulder lightly with one hand. “But that’s really not the point. Stay on topic, Kurt.” Kurt nodded seriously and motioned for Andrew to continue. “After that, it wasn’t so much about avoiding relationships as not seeking them out. And no one ever really asked. You know, reputation and all. And, I don’t know … I’m working on understanding that I deserve things.”

Kurt sat with that for a moment. Andrew’s explanation didn’t quite work. Kurt could tell that he was pulling from a few different places to make sense of it all, but he also knew what Andrew was getting at. Kurt had been lucky enough to find Blaine his junior year, but without Blaine, he could have come to New York in the same place Andrew had: with his entire romantic history being crushes on straight or closeted guys who were horrified at the thought. Beyond that, for all the similarities between what Kurt and Andrew had faced at school, Kurt also knew that Andrew had dealt with his bullying very differently. He knew that it had taken Andrew a long time to get over the idea that he was damaged goods.

Kurt bounced this around in his head for minute before continuing the conversation. “So what was different with Adam?”

Andrew smiled. “Well mostly the fact that he asked. Although also the fact that, like I said, I’ve always liked him. So we spent most of the first month of rehearsal flirting like crazy and then, about two months ago, he asked me out.”

“Good thing reputations are completely meaningless for Adam, huh?”

“Yeah, I got lucky.”

Kurt rolled over on his side to face Andrew and reached out to grip his friend’s hand. “He got lucky, too. Really lucky. Promise me you won’t forget that?”

Andrew squeezed his hand back. “I won’t. I promise.” They looked at each other for a few moments, and then Andrew broke the tension by saying, “No, but really have you seen him in a Henley? I’m not sure how anyone gets anything done when he exists.”

At that, they both started laughing. When they were finished giggling, Kurt said, “Is it weird that he’s playing Brad?”

“You mean because our characters are dating, or because of the whole bully thing?”

“Either, I guess.”

Andrew screwed up his face in thought. “I guess so. I mean, if I hadn’t had feelings for him before this whole thing started, I might have had to see my therapist. Like ‘tell me doctor, do I have Stockholm syndrome?’”

Kurt put his hands over his face and started laughing. That hadn’t exactly been what he’d meant. He’d actually been asking if it was difficult to _play_ the Brad and Patrick scenes, because Adam and Andrew were together, but he probably shouldn’t have been surprised that Andrew had interpreted it as a question about whether it was weird that he was dating Adam at all. “You are ridiculous,” Kurt said through his laughter. “Why are we friends?”

“I’m goddamn adorable, that’s why!” Andrew answered, and then started laughing with Kurt.

From Sebastian:  
How’d it go?

To Sebastian:  
You were right. We’re going to be just fine. Except for the fact that he’s totally gone over Adam.

From Sebastian:  
Awwww. I bet that’s sweet. And by sweet I mean nauseating.

To Sebastian:  
Don’t lie. You actually just mean sweet. Andrew’s gotten to you, too!

From Sebastian:  
Possibly.

* * *

 

**April 4th, 2019**

Kurt ended up staying at Andrew’s until 5pm on Tuesday, when they stopped by Kurt’s place to grab his stuff and then met Rachel, Kyle, Lexie, and Santana in midtown for dinner. The timing only almost worked for dinners in midtown before their shows. Rachel and Andrew ended up leaving at 6:30pm, and Kyle couldn’t actually get there until a few minutes after six, but they attempted to make it work.

Thursday was the day that Perks of Being a Wallflower opened, and the cast had a photo session in the late morning before the opening. It was actually a really odd time for a photo call, but Kurt assumed there was a good reason for it.

Kurt sort of felt like it was time for him to tackle the whole Adam thing head on, so he ended up surprising Adam, Rachel, and Andrew by meeting them in midtown outside of the studio where their photo call had been. He’d stopped on the way and picked up Schmackery’s cookies, much to the delight of his friends.

Andrew pulled a cookie out of the box and stared at it dubiously. “I think this might be a bribe. But it looks like a really tasty bribe, so I’m going to eat it anyways.”

Adam draped an arm around Andrew’s shoulders and used the other hand to grab his cookie out of the box. “Don’t be so suspicious. I’m sure Kurt has completely pure motives.”

“No, no. Andrew’s right. I have terrible ulterior motives. I’ve come to ask you all to brunch.”

Rachel gasped over-dramatically and put her hand over her heart. “No!” she said, then she dropped the act and reached out to grab her cookie.

“Yes!” Kurt said, “So unless you’re busy …”

“We’re never too busy for brunch!” Andrew replied and slipped out from under Adam’s arm to grab Rachel and start skipping down the sidewalk.

Kurt gave Adam a confused look, and Adam shrugged back. “I guess he’s decided where we’re going?” Adam said.

“I guess so,” Kurt replied and fell into step behind Adam. The two of them followed Rachel and Andrew at a slightly more sedate pace. “Adam, look. I know I don’t have a leg to stand on with you—”

Adam cut him off. “Kurt, you know I don’t blame you for being confused back then.”

“You don’t?” Kurt probably should have figured that out. Adam wasn’t the type to hold a grudge, but they’d never really talked about it, and Kurt had always felt badly for leading him on.

“No, so don’t bother blaming yourself. You were having a difficult time, I liked you more than you liked me, and things got a little uncomfortable. It’s water under the bridge.” Adam waved his hand to indicate that it didn’t matter anymore.

Kurt let out a breath. “Okay, I can agree to that.”

“Good,” Adam said with a smile, “because I’d like to be friends. For him.”

Kurt looked up the sidewalk at where Rachel and Andrew were having an animated conversation. “There are very few things I wouldn’t do for him.” Then he turned to look at Adam. “But I think we can also be friends for us.”

Adam grinned at him. “I’m in. So what was it you were going to say?”

“Oh, right!” Kurt said. He’d nearly forgotten. “You know, the usual. If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you. And if you don’t think I can, remember that Santana loves him, too.” He said it in a light, rather than threatening, tone. But he still meant it.

Adam laughed. “Don’t worry, Kurt. I remember that you can kick above your head. And I have no plans to hurt him.”

“Good.”

Andrew and Rachel had come to a stop ahead of them and were looking back at them in confusion. “What are you two doing back there?” Andrew shouted.

“Planning world domination!” Adam answered.

Kurt went with, “Having an illicit affair!”

Andrew squinted at them. “Already?”

“I’m a fast worker. What can I say?” Kurt said, as they caught up to Andrew and Rachel.

Andrew pouted at them both for a minute before reaching out and taking Adam’s hand. “Just for that, one of you is going to have to buy me brunch.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not yet seen Next to Normal and would like to see Next to Normal, it's pretty available on youtube. If you have any trouble, shoot me a message and I'll help you out.
> 
> Also, there is now a bonus Adam/Andrew fic located [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2087091)


	11. Chapter 11

**April 5th, 2019**

After the emotional turmoil of finding out about Andrew and Adam, fighting with Andrew, and making up with Andrew, Kurt was starting to feel like he’d used up all of his energy for feeling anything. He was definitely happy that Sebastian was coming into town that Friday, but he was also a little bit overwhelmed to have one more thing on his plate.

Kurt and Sebastian had decided to just meet back at the apartment. Sebastian had said that he didn’t want to keep Kurt from going out if he wanted to, but Kurt had assured him that all he wanted to do on Friday night was go home. They all had plans to go out on Saturday for Kyle’s birthday, and that seemed like enough for the weekend to Kurt right now.

When Kurt got home just after 11:30pm, he found Sebastian and Santana curled up on the couch. Sebastian was lying on his side with his head on the arm of the couch. Santana had her head resting on Sebastian’s thigh and was lying between Sebastian’s bent legs and the back of the couch. The Breakfast Club was playing on the TV, but they were both asleep.

Kurt circled around them to get a better look and then pulled out his phone to covertly snap a picture. He couldn’t even figure out how they would have fallen asleep in that position, but he knew that everyone would be mad at him if he didn’t have photographic proof that they had.

After he’d taken his picture, he grabbed the remote off the coffee table and switched the movie off. As the room went silent, Sebastian stirred and blinked at him, looking confused and ridiculously adorable. “Hey Kurt, when did you get in?”

Kurt smiled and dropped to his knees next to Sebastian. “Just a second ago. It’s not even midnight.”

Sebastian scrunched up his face in confusion. “I fell asleep on the couch mid-movie before midnight? That’s it. I’m officially old. My life is over. I’ll never be young and pretty again!”

Kurt reached out and brushed the hair out of Sebastian’s eyes. He continued to run his hand through Sebastian’s hair as he said, “That’s awfully tragic. And I was kind of enjoying looking at you.”

Sebastian leaned into his touch, moving his legs slightly when he did. Apparently this clued him in to the fact that Santana was sleeping on them, because he looked down at her in confusion. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep with a girl on top of me.”

“Is that the kind of thing that happens to you often?” Kurt said, laughing.

“I’ve fallen asleep in a lot of strange places,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “I’m kind of worried about how to get out of this one without getting myself killed, though.”

Kurt actually had a solution for that. He grabbed a pillow off of the chair and held Santana’s head up while Sebastian slid his legs out of the way. Then Kurt slipped the pillow under Santana’s head and backed away. She just snuggled down into the pillow and kept sleeping.

Once that was done, Kurt turned to Sebastian and grinned. Sebastian took Kurt’s hand and leaned in to brush their lips together. “Thanks for the rescue,” Sebastian said, smiling back at Kurt, “and hello!”

“Hi,” Kurt said and then tugged Sebastian closer so that he could wrap his free arm around Sebastian’s neck and kiss him more thoroughly.

They’d been kissing for a few minutes, and Kurt was just thinking of suggesting that they relocate to his bedroom when the front door opened and Rachel and Kyle came in. Sebastian and Kurt jumped apart in shock at the sound of the door opening.

Rachel gave Kurt a look that told him she’d seen what they’d been doing and said, “Welcome back, Sebastian,” in a bemused tone.

Kurt shushed the two of them before Kyle could speak. “Santana’s sleeping,” he said in a loud whisper. Kyle responded by winking at him and waving at Sebastian.

Sebastian waved back as Kurt tugged him out of the room. As Kurt shut the door to his room, he heard Rachel and Kyle giggling quietly. Kurt didn’t mind if they were amused; he was too busy kissing Sebastian to care.

* * *

 

**April 6th, 2019**

On Saturday, Sebastian and Trent went to see the evening show of Next to Normal. When they met Kurt backstage after the show, they both took turns hugging him and telling him how great he and the show were. Trent had to leave after he’d had the chance to see Kurt, so Kurt said goodbye to him in the dressing room.

Once Kurt had signed a few autographs and taken a few pictures, he met back up with Sebastian and they started to walk to the bar where Kyle was celebrating his birthday. “Why are we going to a bar near Times Square?” Sebastian asked.

“I have no idea,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “Apparently it’s tradition, so I decided not to ask questions years ago.”

Sebastian nodded and then looked around to make sure they were out of sight of New World Stages. When he apparently felt confident that there were no stray audience members in the vicinity, he dragged Kurt out of the way of pedestrians and kissed him.

“What was that for?” Kurt asked when Sebastian pulled away.

Sebastian took Kurt’s hand so they could keep walking. “I just wanted to make sure you knew I really meant it when I told you how good you were.”

Kurt responded by smiling at him and squeezing his hand.

They arrived at the bar a few minutes later to find an already drunk Kyle celebrating with a bunch of their friends. It was a mixed group that included people Kyle knew from high school, college, and shows he’d worked on. The people who were currently in performances were just starting to arrive, but everyone else was several drinks in.

As soon as they walked in, Kyle ran over to them excitedly and shouted, “Kurt, you’re here!” Then he threw his arms around Kurt exuberantly.

Kurt shot Sebastian an anguished look over Kyle’s shoulder. Sebastian just laughed. Kyle showed no signs of letting go, so Kurt patted him on the shoulder and said, “Kyle, I’m glad you like me so much. But you see me at home all the time.”

“I know,” Kyle said, not letting Kurt go. “I’m just really lucky I get to have you in my life. I mean, Rachel’s the best thing that ever happened to me. But I’m really glad I got you as a part of the deal, too.”

So Kyle was clearly drunk enough to have reached the gushing stage. “That’s very sweet, Kyle. I’m glad I have you, too.” Kurt looked up at Sebastian to find that he was leaning against the wall laughing now.

“I’m turning twenty seven! That’s so _old_ , Kurt.”

Kurt sighed and peeled Kyle off of him. “No, it’s really not. Let’s go get you some water, hmm?”

Kyle nodded, so Kurt dragged him over to the bar and left him with Santana. He figured it was probably tough love time for Kyle.

Kurt made his way back to Sebastian and handed him a beer. Sebastian grinned at him and said, “It’s a good thing Kyle’s straight, or I might be worried you were going to run off with him.”

“Oh, Kyle’s not straight,” Kurt said.

Sebastian gave Kurt a skeptical look. “Really?”

“I think technically he’d be considered heteroromantic but bisexual? He generally just says he’s heteroflexible.” Kurt shrugged as he said this. He wasn’t surprised that they hadn’t covered this particular topic before. Kyle had been pretty open about his sexuality when he and Rachel had started dating, but it didn’t come up too often in casual conversation.

“What exactly does that mean?” Sebastian asked curiously, and then he took a sip of his beer.

Kurt laughed and repeated what Kyle usually said. “Basically it means that he doesn’t have much interest in romantic relationships with guys, but he’s happily screwed more than a few of them.”

In retrospect, Kurt probably should have waited to say that until Sebastian wasn’t drinking, because he ended up patting Sebastian on the back as he coughed. When Sebastian was finally breathing normally, he said, “Right. Drink the beer, don’t breathe the beer. I hope you know I’m going to be pondering that mental image for a long time.”

Kurt glanced across the room at Kyle, who was now leaning his head on Santana’s shoulder with his arms wrapped around her waist. “It’s not a bad image, really.”

“No,” Sebastian agreed, “I’ve always thought it was unfair that Berry landed someone with such nice arms.”

Just as he said that, Andrew, Adam, and Rachel walked into the bar behind them. “Who has nice arms?” Andrew said with a smile.

“Rachel’s incredibly drunk fiancé,” Kurt said, as he turned to include the three of them in the conversation.

All three of the new arrivals glanced over at the bar. “Oh man, he really does,” Andrew said. “And he _really_ is. How has Santana not killed him yet?”

“Every once in a while, Kyle manages to be just the right kind of pathetic for Santana,” Rachel explained. “How drunk is he really?”

Kurt laughed. “Well, he hugged me for several minutes and told me you were the best thing that ever happened to him.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Really, that’s sweet and all, but it’s not like it makes up for the fact that I’ll be the one taking care of him later.” Then she asked Adam and Andrew for their drink orders and headed over to take Kyle off of Santana’s hands.

Once Rachel was gone, Andrew turned to Sebastian. “Thanks again for coming to the show this afternoon.”

“Well, I have to do something with my time,” Sebastian said, a little awkwardly. Of course, Kurt knew that Sebastian had plenty of ways to keep himself busy. Instead, he’d gone to see Andrew and Rachel; he just didn’t want to admit it.

Adam looked like he was considering Sebastian. This afternoon would have been the first time that the two of them had met, and Kurt was actually pretty sorry he’d missed it. “In that case, I promise not to tell Kurt that you cried.”

Andrew laughed and wacked Adam’s arm lightly, but Kurt was too busy turning to look at Sebastian, who was blushing. “Whatever, it’s a sad musical,” he said, giving his shoes a grumpy look.

Kurt just shook his head and took Sebastian’s hand. “Don’t worry,” he whispered into Sebastian’s ear, “even Santana cried.”

After that, Adam and Andrew left to talk to Kyle and Kurt dragged Sebastian off to mingle. They lost track of each other around midnight when Santana managed to kidnap Sebastian while Kurt continued to talk to a costume designer friend of Kyle’s.

Kurt was just thinking of looking for Sebastian again when Adam came up beside him and pointed out Andrew and Sebastian. They were in a corner of the room having what seemed to be a serious conversation. “What do you think that’s about?” Adam asked.

Kurt smiled at the sight of the two of them and thought back to his conversations with Sebastian over the last week. “I think Andrew’s been going through some things lately that Sebastian has experience with.”

Adam looked at them thoughtfully. “It’d be good for Andrew to have someone who understands.”

With that in mind, Kurt and Adam left the two of them to their conversation and wandered over to talk to Rachel.

By two in the morning, Kurt was ready to go. The bar didn’t close for another two hours, so he had a feeling that some people would be out until then, but he was feeling a little overwhelmed. Sebastian was happy to leave too, so they said their goodbyes and headed out into the cool of the spring evening.

It was too late for Kurt to be comfortable on the subway, but he didn’t feel like hailing a cab right away, so he grabbed Sebastian’s hand and wandered in the direction of Times Square. It was a nice night, and he just wanted to be outside for a few minutes.

Sebastian followed along without question, and once they got into Times Square he looked up at all the signs and billboards still flashing with light. “It really doesn’t get dark here, does it?” He said, his voice quiet.

Kurt laughed, equally quietly. It was a weird kind of light, almost bright enough to be daylight, but so clearly not. “It’s really the only time I like being here,” Kurt replied.

Something about the night, the near emptiness of the usually crowded square, and Sebastian’s hand in his gave Kurt a weird, slightly magical feeling. That kind of feeling you can only have late at night, when it feels like you’ve wandered out of your real life for just a moment. He wasn’t quite ready to let the moment go, so he pulled Sebastian over to sit on the stairs.

Sebastian followed Kurt and wrapped his arm around Kurt’s shoulders when they sat. Kurt leaned into him and thought about his first visit to New York, before he really knew anything about it. He’d fallen in love with it then, but it was such a different city to him now.

“What are you humming?” Sebastian said, breaking the silence.

Kurt started. He hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it. “Oh, it’s a song that gets stuck in my head a lot on nights like this.”

“Will you sing it?”

It was sort of an odd request for the middle of Times Square at 2am, but there actually weren’t many people around, and Kurt didn’t really think he cared who heard him anyways. He nodded and shrugged out of Sebastian’s hold so he could lean back and rest his elbows on the step behind him. Sebastian shifted in response so he was facing Kurt.

Kurt took a deep, calming breath and then closed his eyes as he began to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98346471141/jay-armstrong-johnson-performs-carner-gregors). “ _Late night cabs whipping down the street and down at Magnolia’s, they’re baking for the morning. Girls on the stoop drink wine. Past last call at the Irish pub, one guy left drinking Guinness with the bar-keep. There’s nothing else but time.”_

When the song was done, Kurt opened his eyes to find Sebastian staring at him a little intensely. Normally he’d probably have laughed it off, but tonight that didn’t feel right, so he smiled instead.

“You’re really happy right now,” Sebastian said, after a moment. “You’re all really happy right now.”

Kurt had to think about it. Aside from his fight with Andrew, he was really happy. And Andrew had rebounded pretty quickly after their talk on Tuesday. “I suppose we are. I don’t think we’ve ever all been in the city and working at the same time before, so that helps.”

“Even Rachel seems happy.”

“She is. Although sometimes I think she’ll never be able to stop fighting. It used to be something we had in common.” Kurt sighed and looked up at the sky. It was odd; he remembered the feeling so clearly. He was never quite sure of when it had changed.

Sebastian shifted to bring his legs up in front of him on the stair and rest his arms on his knees. “But you don’t feel like you’re fighting as much anymore?”

“Not the way I used to.” Kurt wasn’t sure how to explain it. “This show ... I’ve never felt more like I’m where I’m supposed to be than I do working on this.”

Sebastian smiled up at him. “Good. You look like you belong out there.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said, and then sat up and turned to face Sebastian, sitting with his legs crossed. Suddenly it felt like it was important to get his point across. “It’s not that I don’t want to be seen. I do. But I don’t need it the way Rachel does. Rachel will never be happy unless she gets to be a star. I think I’d be happy being in the ensemble forever, as long as it meant I got to make a living doing this. I’d like more, but I don’t need it.”

“That sort of seems like the right way to approach it,” Sebastian said, dropping his knees so that he was mirroring Kurt’s position with their knees touching. It occurred to Kurt that they’d make a really weird picture for anyone who walked by.

Kurt had to think about that. He wasn’t sure that either he or Rachel was more right on this. “I don’t know. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe you don’t get to reach the top of the pile without wanting absolutely everything every minute without stopping.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“I’m pretty used to my life being exhausting,” Kurt said with a wry smile. “I was that way when I came to New York, too. I just wanted to star on Broadway. But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with the work: with dance classes and singing scales and slipping into someone else’s skin.”

Sebastian tilted his head to the side. “You think Rachel didn’t?”

Kurt reached out and picked up Sebastian’s hand. He played with Sebastian’s fingers for a moment to give himself something to do while he tried to figure out what he was trying to say. He hoped that wasn’t what he thought about Rachel. Finally he laced his fingers with Sebastian’s and spoke. “No, that’s not fair. I’m not explaining it well. I know she wants to do the work, too. But I don’t think it’s enough for her.”

“I might have to think about that before I decide if I understand,” Sebastian said, giving Kurt’s hand a squeeze.

Kurt thought about it a little longer before he said, “Let me try to explain it this way. Rachel’s favorite moment always has been and always will be the moment when the lights come up on her.”

“And yours isn’t?”

Kurt stared down at their joined hands as he answered. “These days, mine is the blackout before the curtain comes up. It’s the moment when it all feels the most real.”

When Kurt was finished speaking, he felt Sebastian’s free hand cup his cheek. Kurt looked up as Sebastian ran his thumb softly across Kurt’s cheekbone. They stared at each other for a moment, and Kurt suppressed the urge to ask what was going on.

Without breaking the moment, Sebastian leaned in to kiss Kurt. It started as a soft press of lips, but when Kurt reached out to wrap his hand around the back of Sebastian’s neck, Sebastian leaned as close to Kurt as he could with the way they were sitting and slipped his tongue into Kurt’s mouth.

Something about the way Sebastian kissed felt different to Kurt, but he attributed it to the strange mood of the evening and tried not worry about it.

After a few minutes, the awkward angle started to hurt, and Kurt pulled back. Sebastian smiled at him and brushed Kurt’s hair back into place where he’d messed it up.

“We should go home,” Kurt said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sebastian nodded, and they climbed down the stairs hand in hand.

* * *

 

**April 7th, 2019**

Kurt woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen and Sebastian sitting up in bed beside him, playing around on his laptop. It was after eleven, so it wasn’t totally surprising that Sebastian would be awake, but he seemed like he’d been up for a while.

“Don’t you ever sleep?” Kurt said with a groan.

Sebastian laughed and shut his computer. “Not in years. But we should get up, because Kyle’s making breakfast.”

“Oh, good,” Kurt replied, stretching his arms over his head. “Must be his ‘I’m sorry I was so wasted’ omelets.”

“Is he that wasted very often?” Sebastian asked with a quizzical look.

Kurt thought about it and realized that the last time he could remember Kyle being that drunk was Christmas in Ohio. “No, but he is always that effusive when drunk.”

“I’m willing to put up with it for omelets.”

Kurt agreed and crawled out of bed to throw on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sebastian had obviously put on pajamas before Kurt woke up, so he just watched while Kurt got dressed.

It seemed like everyone had smelled food at the same time, because they all arrived in the kitchen together.

“Well hey, Lexie,” Sebastian said when he caught sight of Santana’s very hung over looking girlfriend. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Fuck you, Sebastian,” she said and then rested her head against the cold surface of the counter.

Sebastian laid a hand lightly on Lexie’s shoulder. “You’re not really my type, but don’t worry! Someone did.”

Kurt figured the only appropriate response to that was to bury his face in his hands.

“That is really exceptionally more than I ever needed to know. Thank you, Sebastian.” Kyle said as he pushed an omelet at Rachel.

Santana looked around the room and grinned. “This is just like college! Wandering into the kitchen on weekend mornings to see who didn’t sleep alone last night … although I guess none of the three of you are exactly the flavor of the week.”

“Way to make our college years seem a lot more scandalous than they were!” Rachel said, rolling her eyes at Santana as she accepted her own omelet.

Kurt ignored their bickering and checked his phone. He had a voicemail from his agent, so he stepped into the hallway to listen to it. His agent had called to ask Kurt if he wanted an appointment for Aladdin’s upcoming replacement auditions. Kurt doubted he was what they were looking for in the chorus of Aladdin, but he wasn’t going to say no to a Broadway audition. He set a reminder on his phone to call his agent Monday and tell him to book the appointment.

When Kurt walked back into the kitchen, he caught his breath at the sight before him. It was so simple, so domestic. Sebastian was leaning on the counter and teasing Rachel about something over bites of his breakfast. Rachel was rolling her eyes fondly at him as she shared a plate with Kyle, who was telling Lexie about some recent drama from rehearsals for Medea. Santana was watching Lexie with such intensity that Kurt knew she had no idea anyone was looking at her.

It was the casual permanence of it all that took Kurt’s breath away. Something about this particular image felt so much _family_ and _forever_ to him.

He had to scold his treacherous heart for allowing Sebastian to be included in that thought. Whatever had passed between them the night before, Kurt couldn’t afford to let himself think that way about Sebastian: about someone who was very clearly still not over the way his last relationship had ended, about someone who, even if everything else wasn’t an issue, could still only see Kurt once a month. That way led to nothing but heartbreak, and Kurt didn’t need any more of that. Neither did Sebastian, really.

Of course it was Sebastian who noticed him standing in the doorway first. He looked up at Kurt with a smile so bright that Kurt wouldn’t have believed Sebastian was capable of it eight months ago. Kurt told himself firmly to put all of those feelings away before crossing the room to stand next to Sebastian and start on his own omelet.   

Sebastian leaned into Kurt slightly and asked, “What’s up?”

“Oh you know,” Kurt said with a sigh, “Back to the audition juggernaut we go.”

His answered caused everyone else to take notice, and before long they were all discussing his upcoming plans and the futures of their current projects. Kyle had just started rehearsals with Medea, but he thought it was going well. Rachel was waiting with baited breath for news of a Broadway transfer for Perks. Lexie was still doing freelance editing work, but she was also about to start as the company manager for an Off Broadway production of Henry V. Santana’s studio had several big bookings coming up in the next few weeks, so she was expecting to be in a lot of long recording sessions. Sebastian said that his job was just more of the same.

After breakfast, they all scattered either to work or to enjoying their Sunday. Sebastian was actually coming to Next to Normal again, although Kurt had told him he didn’t have to, so Kurt, Rachel, and Sebastian all left the house together. Kurt spent the rest of the day resolutely not thinking about how easy it would be to get used to all of them being together.

* * *

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys as always for all of the amazing comments. It's wonderful to know you are reading and enjoying the story!

**April 14th, 2019**

“Are you sure you’re okay with taking them to the show? Because you really don’t have to.”

Kurt sighed into the phone and rolled his eyes, even though he knew Andrew couldn’t see him. “I can handle your parents, Andrew. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever met them.”

Andrew’s parents were coming into town that Sunday. They'd had a wedding to attend in New Jersey that weekend which lasted through Sunday morning, so they'd taken Monday off and combine the wedding with a trip to see the Sunday evening performance of Perks of Being a Wallflower. Since he was free, Kurt had offered to escort them and Andrew had asked him a million times if he was sure he wanted to.

Kurt was sure he wanted to. It probably wasn’t a logical feeling, but Kurt had always had a sort of compulsion to supervise Andrew’s father whenever he could manage it. It was probably about half protectiveness and half worry over who else Victor Ivanov might find to talk to.

“Okay, if you’re sure. Adam and I are having an early dinner with them, and then they’re all yours.”

“Sounds good. I promise to water them and make sure they get enough sunlight,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“And don’t let them talk to strangers!” Andrew replied a little wryly.

Kurt spent about forty-five minutes with Andrew’s parents before the show. He actually had a nice conversation with Andrew’s mother, Elaine, over coffee upstairs at the Public Theater while Victor read a copy of the New York Times.

Elaine had always been nice to Kurt and, as far as he’d ever been able to tell, to Andrew as well. Her biggest problem seemed to be a complete inability to do anything about Victor.

They all made it to the top of the show without incident, and Kurt enjoyed watching the production a second time. Andrew was just as amazing as the first time Kurt had seen him, and Kurt felt fiercely proud of how good his friend was.

At the end of the show, Elaine was wiping her eyes with a tissue, which Kurt considered a good sign. They had no need to join the rush out of the theatre, because they were going to wait around for Andrew, so Kurt leaned over and asked them what they thought of the performance.

Elaine looked like she was thinking about it, so Victor answered. “He’s really good, you know?” There was a note of pure surprise in his voice that drove Kurt a little insane. “I thought he was absolutely out of his mind when he told us that he wanted to be an actor, and it’s still not much like putting in an honest day’s work. But he really shines out there.”

Kurt spent a moment seriously considering banging his head against the chair in front of him, but he decided to take a different tactic. “Mr. Ivanov, can I make a suggestion?”

“Sure, Kurt,” Victor responded with a shrug. Kurt could never get over how casually harmful Victor could be when he usually seemed so good-natured.

“When you talk to Andrew, maybe try saying that without the qualifiers?” Kurt tried to sound like he was simply making a suggestion, rather than sounding snide. He must have done it at least credibly, because Andrew’s father actually appeared to think about it before he realized that their row was starting to exit the theatre and followed the person next to him out.

Elaine didn’t move right away and instead stared after her husband. “And he wonders why my son never comes home,” she said, and then she followed Victor out of the theatre, leaving Kurt to trail along.

Kurt actually had to disagree with Andrew’s mother on that one. Certainly there had been plenty of times when Kurt had wished that Andrew would never have to speak to his father again, but Andrew always forgave Victor. He called his parents every week or two. He also spent most of his family holidays at his sister’s place in Connecticut, and his parents often joined them, so it wasn’t as if he avoided seeing them. Kurt was pretty sure they weren’t the reason that Andrew hadn’t been to Nebraska since he was eighteen years old.

Kurt understood why Andrew never visited. He’d always thought that, if it hadn’t been for Blaine and New Directions, his high school years would have looked a lot like Andrew’s. Kurt knew that, when you finally get the chance to escape a situation you thought you weren’t going to survive, you don’t take going back lightly. Andrew had told Kurt once that even the thought of going to Nebraska made him feel like a terrified teenager again, and he just didn’t think he could stand to risk going back there and feeling that way.

He was jogged back to reality by Elaine asking him where the bathrooms were, so he pointed them out to her and then kept Victor busy talking about his niece’s wedding. Once Andrew and Adam came out, Kurt took a seat on one of the benches near the door. He didn’t need to intrude on Andrew’s time with his parents, even if he did worry about what Victor might say. Adam seemed to decide the same thing after a few minutes, because he wandered over and sat down next to Kurt.

Once Adam was settled on the bench, he turned to look at Kurt and said, “So, Andrew’s dad …”

Kurt shook his head. “I’m guessing you got the full experience, then?”

Adam looked angry. “He told me it was nice to meet me, especially since he never expected to do the whole ‘meet the kid’s boyfriend’ thing with Andrew.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Kurt said, leaning his head softly back against the window sill behind his head. “Well he’s always had a fabulous sense of timing. Did Andrew seem okay?”

“So far. But we’ll see,” Adam replied, glancing over at his boyfriend.

They spent the next few minutes with Adam watching Andrew introduce his parents around and Kurt watching Adam. Kurt was still getting used to the whole situation. Not just Andrew and Adam together, but having Adam back in his life at all. It felt like a good change, though. With the way Adam was looking at Andrew, Kurt had a feeling he’d be around for a while.

Andrew waved them over after a few minutes, and they all said their goodbyes to the Ivanovs, since Andrew’s parents were leaving fairly early the next day. Once they had the Ivanovs safely settled into a cab, Andrew reached out to take Adam’s hand on one side and Kurt’s elbow on the other.

Adam looked at the grouping and laughed. “Really, sweetheart? Are we off to see the Wizard?”

“Not with an attitude like that we’re not!” Andrew said, and he turned to tug them towards the subway station. “How often to I get to have both of my favorite men in the world all to myself?”

“See now, that just sounds dirty,” Adam replied, still smiling at Andrew.

Kurt shook his head at them both. “I’m sure it was meant to.”

Andrew just grinned. “Good guess! Now come on, Scarecrow, Tin Man. We have a train to catch.”

* * *

 

**April 21st, 2019**

Kurt had just gotten out of the subway on Saturday afternoon when his phone rang. The phone lit up with Rachel’s name, which made Kurt nervous. She’d had an early call for Perks that day, so she’d left half an hour before Kurt, but it had still only been an hour since they’d spoken.

When Kurt picked up the phone, he heard a lot of excited chatter in the background and realized that he was on speaker phone. “Rachel?” he shouted into the phone, drawing some weird looks from the people he was passing. “Why am I on speakerphone, Rachel?”

“Kurt! You picked up!” she said, excitement clear in her voice. “You’re on speaker because Andrew wanted to talk to you, too.”

Kurt connected the dots. The cast had been asked to come in early, and now he was getting an excited phone call, which had to mean they’d gotten great news. “Okay, what is it?”

He heard Andrew’s voice in the background saying “Ready? One, two, three.” And then Andrew, Rachel, and Adam all shouted, “We’re going to Broadway!”

Kurt was leaning on the wall outside of New World Stages and grinning so hard his face hurt. He was so thrilled for all of them, and he knew that it was the right choice for the show. “Congratulations you guys! That’s amazing. Take me off speaker and tell me everything!”

In a second, the background noise dropped, and Kurt was on the phone with just Rachel. “Oh my god, Kurt. I can’t even believe it!”

“I’m so proud of you, Rach. Do they know anything about the timeline?”

“It’s going to be fall,” she replied. That wasn’t a surprise. It was already April, which meant it was too late to transfer and be eligible for this year’s Tony Awards, and shows with Tony aspirations didn’t usually open in the summer. “Both the cast and the location are technically still up in the air, but they strongly implied that we’d all be getting official offers soon.”

Kurt was starting to tear up now, which he knew he couldn’t afford to do with his show less than an hour away. “Holy shit, Rachel. I have to go get ready, but I owe you a drink tonight!”

“Bye, Kurt! Break a leg!” she said and then, as he was hanging up the phone, he heard more shouting in the background.

Kurt felt like he should do a lap or something to run off all of his sudden excess energy before the show, but instead he just covertly wiped his eyes and headed inside.

To Sebastian:  
I can’t call right now because I have to get ready, but PERKS IS GOING TO BROADWAY!

From Sebastian:  
Haha. Rachel and Andrew both texted me, too. I think everyone’s a little excited?

To Sebastian:  
Can’t imagine why. It’s not like this is a big deal.

From Sebastian:  
You actors are so excitable.

* * *

 

**May 6th, 2019**

The rest of April flew by. Kurt had his audition for Aladdin and wasn’t surprised that he didn’t get a callback, although he had to admit to being a little disappointed. The sting was taken out of it when his agent booked him an appointment for the Book of Mormon replacement auditions at the end of May. He was much more nervous about that audition because he actually felt like, in terms of type, he could be the right fit for the show. He was also really glad that he’d been so diligent with his tap classes over the years.

Perks of Being a Wallflower closed on April 28th, but not before the entire cast received their official offers to join the Broadway production in the fall, which they were all planning to accept.

Kurt had told Sebastian that he didn’t have to see Next to Normal again during his May visit, but Sebastian ignored him and saw the show anyways, which was hardly a first. He told Kurt that he’d stop seeing the show when he didn’t feel like seeing it anymore, and Kurt just pretended not to be flattered.

With everything going on, they didn’t have a chance to drag Adam out to Fourth Wall until after the show was closed, so they went when Sebastian was in town. Trent was in the middle of exam week, so he didn’t join them for this visit, which disappointed both Kurt and Sebastian. Kurt was disappointed, because he was really amused by the song he was singing with Kyle that night and wanted everyone to see it. Kurt had originally assumed that Sebastian was just disappointed not to see his friend, but once Sebastian arrived it became clear that he also wanted Trent to see his performance, which made Kurt a little bit worried. The problem was that Sebastian kept getting an evil glint in his eye every time Fourth Wall was mentioned.

Kurt was still incredibly suspicious of Sebastian when they got to Fourth Wall on Monday, and the feeling only intensified when Sebastian offered to sign them all up for their slots.

Rachel went first, because she said she wanted them to all have “fresh ears” for her song. She was thinking of adding it to her audition book, and she wanted everyone’s opinion. Kurt could see why she was thinking of using [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98699202876/natalie-joy-johnson-performs-still-waiting-from). It fit beautifully within her range and required a nuanced acting performance, which she totally pulled off.

When she got back to the table, she folded her hands in front of her and said, “So, what did you think?” as she stared the rest of them down.

Sebastian leaned in to Kurt and whispered, “Do I have to participate in this interrogation, or do you think I can get out of it by being a number cruncher?”

Rachel apparently saw right through Sebastian, because she stared right at him as he leaned back from Kurt. Sebastian moved slowly, as if she might not notice him if he didn’t make any sudden movements, but it didn’t work. “No excuses, Sebastian. What did you think?”

“Oh, hell no,” Sebastian said, shaking his head. “I agree with Kyle. Whatever Kyle says, I agree with him.”

Kurt thought this wasn’t a bad strategy since Kyle was the most qualified, but then Kyle raised both eyebrows and said, “Wait, you agree with _whatever_ I say?”

“Whatever you say about the song!” Sebastian replied quickly, but not quickly enough.

“Oh no, no take backs,” Kyle said, and Sebastian groaned. Then Kyle leaned over the table and focused his attention on Kurt. “Kurt,” he said in an over dramatic voice, “I’m in love with you.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened, and he turned a little pink. Apparently he couldn’t come up with a reply to get himself out of this situation, so Kurt did it for him. “That’s okay, Kyle. A lot of people are. But I’m just not willing to steal guys from Rachel … well, not anymore.”

Rachel rolled her eyes and pushed Kyle back into his seat. “Stop torturing Sebastian, and tell me what you thought of my song.”

“I thought it was great! You should definitely use it!” Lexie said, jumping in to shift the mood of the conversation. When she did, Kurt felt Sebastian relax.

Kurt glared at Kyle as all of them agreed with Lexie and assured Rachel that she should put the song in her book. He wasn’t surprised that Kyle’s comment had been weird for Sebastian. Kurt knew that their friendship wasn’t exactly typical, but normally everyone left them alone about it. Kurt didn’t need Kyle to freak Sebastian out by implying that either of them had more feelings than they actually did. They were doing perfectly well the way they were, and Kurt didn’t want anyone to make Sebastian overthink it.

Lexie was up next so Sebastian and Kurt got up to let her out. Once they were seated again and they’d stopped talking about Rachel to watch Lexie sing “[Eleanor Rigby](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98699541516/elanor-rigby-by-the-beatles),” Kurt reached over and took Sebastian’s hand. Sebastian smiled at the contact and squeezed his hand before saying, “I think this actually might be my favorite song of all time.”

Andrew grinned over at them. “I knew you had good taste, Sebastian.”

When Lexie was done singing, Adam turned to Kurt and said, “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask. How’d your Book of Mormon audition go?”

“I think it went well,” Kurt said. “I did ‘[I Got Life](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98699782796/gavin-creel-and-the-cast-of-the-2009-hair-revival),’ and it felt pretty good, but I haven’t heard about callbacks yet.”

Adam smiled, but Andrew crossed his arms indignantly. “Look Kurt, I understand that everyone wants to be me, but you can’t just steal my songs.”

Kurt laughed. Andrew had played Claude in the musical Hair at NYADA during Kurt’s freshman year and had always claimed that “I Got Life,” one of Claude’s songs, was basically his personal theme song. Kurt had stolen it intentionally. “I think you should be flattered, really,” Kurt said with a wink. “I couldn’t figure out what to sing for my audition, and I thought to myself, ‘what would Andrew do?’”

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Andrew said, rolling his eyes and smiling. “And that it’s almost your turn to sing.”

Kurt started and looked up. Andrew was right: he and Kyle had to head for the stage.

Once the two of them were out of sight of the table, Kurt glared at Kyle and whacked him on the arm.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“You know what that was for,” Kurt said, continuing to glare at him. “Things are pretty easy between me and Sebastian. Don’t try to make them complicated.”

Kyle looked incredulous. “I’m sure whatever it is you and Sebastian have going on, it’s already complicated. Facebook has ‘it’s complicated’ as an option just for you.”

“My _friendship_ with Sebastian doesn’t require any outside intervention, thanks,” he said, and then, just before they stepped onto the stage, he added, “And the next time you say something about it, I will bake you into a pie.”

This left Kyle laughing as Kurt introduced them. Kyle was actually letting Brad, Fourth Wall’s piano player, play for him this time so that he and Kurt could interact at the mics.

When Kyle was finished laughing, he nodded to Brad to start playing, and Kurt lead off [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98700408076/angela-lansbury-and-george-hearn-perform-a-little). _“Seems a downright shame. Seems an awful waste. Such a nice plump frame what’s his name has—had—has. No it can’t be traced.”_

Kurt sang until it was Kyle’s turn to join in on the duet. “ _Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion. Eminently practical and yet appropriate as always.”_

Kurt and Kyle had fun playing off of each other for the rest of the song. At the end, they high fived during the enthusiastic round of applause. When they got back to the table, they both bowed to their friends who were still laughing.

“That’ll teach me to assume that Andrew is the most ridiculous one in the group,” Sebastian said, tugging Kurt back into the booth next to him.

“Hey!” Andrew said with a grin. “I am still the most ridiculous one! I’ll even prove it later.”

Santana rolled her eyes. “Girls, girls, don’t fight. You’re all the most ridiculous one. I’m embarrassed to know you, as always.”

Andrew proved his maturity by sticking his tongue out at her in response.

It was Adam’s turn to sing next, and Kurt was curious to see what he’d pick. They’d all seen him in Perks, but beyond that, Kurt hadn’t heard Adam sing in years.

Adam closed his eyes as the music began, and Kurt sat up at the soft melody. Most of Adam’s song choices when they’d been dating had been upbeat and silly, so he had been expecting something along those lines. Instead, Adam began to sing “[Beautiful City](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98701257286/hunter-parrish-performs-beautiful-city-for-the),” from Godspell. “ _Out of the ruins and rubble, out of the smoke, out of our night of struggle, can we see a ray of hope. One pale thin ray, reaching for the day_.”

Kurt felt the mood in the bar hush with Adam’s soft voice. His singing turned the crowd’s attention completely to him. A minute or so into the song, Kurt took his eyes off Adam to look around the table. Kyle was staring at Adam with that probing look that he always used on singers whose voices he hadn’t had the chance to figure out yet. Lexie and Santana were both paying attention as well, which was a little surprising on Santana’s part.

Only Rachel seemed not to be watching Adam. She was looking at Andrew instead. Kurt followed her gaze and saw that Andrew was watching his boyfriend with a completely rapt expression on his face and what could only be described as heart eyes. And if Kurt hadn’t known it before, he would be sure of it now: Andrew was in love.

Rachel noticed where Kurt was looking and caught his eye. For a moment, they both shared a secret smile before looking back up at Adam again. When the song ended, the quiet in the crowd broke, everyone applauded, and conversation resumed. Rachel reached out and squeezed Andrew’s hand. When he gave her a questioning look, she just shook her head and smiled.

They all fawned over Adam when he got back to the table and even Santana said that he “wasn’t that bad.”

A few minutes later, Andrew slid under the table to go up and take his turn. Andrew had said it was going to be something ridiculous, but Kurt wasn’t prepared when he actually started [singing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98702137526/love-somebody-by-maroon-5). “ _I know your insides are feeling so hollow, and it’s a hard pill for you to swallow, but if I fall for you, I’ll never recover. If I fall for you, I’ll never be same.”_

Andrew engaged the crowd as always, and he very obviously had them in the palm of his hand as soon as he started singing and bouncing around the stage. It might have been because of what Kurt had just seen, but he got the feeling that there was more to this song than just Andrew’s usual giddy energy. That feeling only intensified when Andrew caught Adam’s eye and winked fairly obviously. Adam blushed a deep red in response.

When Andrew finished singing, he struck a pose for the applause and then literally skipped back to the table. He crawled under the table to get back to his seat and then turned to grin at Adam and whisper something in his ear.

“I have this theory that, if you could bottle Andrew’s energy, you could power all of Broadway,” Kurt whispered to Sebastian.

“At least,” Sebastian replied with a laugh.

When Adam leaned over to kiss Andrew, Santana groaned and said, “Oh, God. Not you, too, Andrew. You used to be the one person I could count on!” Andrew just waved his hand at her and kissed Adam again.

Santana narrowed her eyes at him but was distracted by Lexie leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. “Take it easy,” Lexie said with a smile. “They’re new. They can’t help it.”

“Fine, but I don’t have to watch.” Santana stood up and, to everyone’s surprise, Sebastian made Kurt get up so he could follow her. Kurt’s eyes went wide as they started to walk up to the stage together.

Kyle looked at them and then over at Kurt. “We should be afraid, shouldn’t we?”

“Very afraid,” Kurt replied.

Adam and Andrew had stopped staring at each other as soon as Santana left the table—although Adam still had his arm draped over Andrew’s shoulders—so they were all watching as Santana and Sebastian stepped up to the mic.

They all recognized the song as soon as the [music](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98702910836/light-my-candle-from-rent-filmed-live-on) started playing and looked around at each other in shock as Sebastian started the song. “ _What’d you forget?”_

 _“Got a light?”_ Santana continued.

 _“I know you, you’re—you’re shivering_.”

“I suppose we shouldn’t be _that_ surprised.” Andrew said.

Rachel raised her eyebrows at Lexie. “Sebastian and Santana are singing Rent. How would we not be surprised?”

Just then the bar cheered as Santana sang, “ _They say that I have the best ass below 14th street. Is it true?”_

Lexie blushed lightly and muttered, “It’s definitely true,” and they all started laughing and couldn’t stop for the rest of the song.

Sebastian and Santana seemed insufferably proud when they got back to the table and found their friends still in the midst of a giggle fit. When Sebastian nudged Kurt over to drop into his seat, Kurt said, “You keep making me so sorry I ever allowed you two to become friends.”

They stayed out until nearly one in the morning, when Kurt finally pushed them all out of the bar because Sebastian actually had to work in the morning.

As soon as the rest of the group had split off from Andrew and Adam, Sebastian looked around at them and said, “So, it looks like it’s time for you all to start fighting about who gets to be Andrew’s best man.”

“Pretty much,” Kyle said with a laugh.

Kurt didn’t know what Andrew’s thoughts were on the concept of marriage, so he wasn’t sure that an actual wedding would be on the table any time soon, but he knew what Sebastian meant. And when Andrew did tie the knot, there was only one choice for best man. “There is no argument. It’s going to be me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Andrew loves me the most. Besides, you’ve slept with _both_ grooms. That’s just weird,” Rachel replied.

Kurt crossed his arms. That was technically true but not very flattering. “Don’t be ridiculous! It would be weird if I’d slept with only one of them. Both totally balances out.”

“I’m almost positive it doesn't work that way. He’s going to have to pick me,” Lexie said, joining in the argument.

Santana predictably jumped in on Lexie’s side. “Besides, Rachel, don’t you already _have_ a wedding you should be planning?”

In response, Kyle pulled out his keys a said, a bit too loudly, “Oh look! We’re home!” which effectively got them all to drop the subject as they walked in the door.

* * *

 

**May, 2019-June 4th, 2019**

The most notable thing about the month of May was how uneventful it was. Rachel, Andrew, and Adam were trying to find things to do until Perks started up again at the beginning of August. Kyle and Lexie were both in rehearsals for most of the month. Sebastian mostly kept up a running liveblog, via text, of the guy who had just moved into the next cubicle at work and apparently thought it was appropriate to play his music out loud.

 Kurt had settled into a routine with Next To Normal, but he wasn’t anywhere near tired of doing the show. He was even starting to feel at ease with the stage door situation, instead of just trying to look like he was at ease. Sebastian had mailed him a giant package of silver sharpies after his visit, so now Kurt even had his own marker every time, which only made him feel a little bit douchey. The show seemed to be really popular with teenagers and college students, and Kurt was starting to recognize a few of them who had seen the show multiple times. He had a feeling that about half of them had been dragged there by his number one fan.

Frankie had seen the show multiple times because, as she said, the easiest way for her to get her friends to the show was to take them herself. By the third time, they’d run out of show related things to talk about, and Kurt had started asking her about her life. He’d learned that she was an aspiring actress as well as a theatre fan, which explained why she reminded him so much of everyone he knew.

Early in May, Kurt got a callback for the ensemble of Book of Mormon and was told that they were also looking for understudies. By his second callback, he was starting to need to talk himself out of hoping for too much. He’d felt this way about shows before and not gotten them. He’d only be disappointed if he was too optimistic; he’d learned that lesson after his rejection from NYADA. Still, his third callback was the most nervous he’d ever been for an audition. He arrived at the audition far too early by accident and had to call first Sebastian, then Rachel, and then his dad to calm him down. But he was also sure he nailed it.

Even Sebastian’s June visit wasn’t very eventful. The weather was absolutely perfect for spring in New York, so Sebastian spent almost all of Saturday hanging out in Central Park with Trent. Sebastian read while Trent studied for his comprehensive exams. Kurt met them up there for his dinner break. They ate sandwiches that Sebastian had picked up while they lounged on Trent’s blanket. All in all, it was one of the most relaxing two show days of Kurt’s life.

It was good to have a relaxing day, because Sebastian spent most of the rest of the weekend accusing Kurt of being “twitchy.” Apparently the fact that he practically threw himself at his phone any time he heard any noise that was even vaguely phone-like was amusing to Sebastian. Kurt couldn’t really help it. He knew he’d be hearing from Book of Mormon fairly soon, and he was completely uncalm about that fact. Luckily for Kurt, Sebastian had a lot of really _interesting_ ideas for how to keep Kurt’s mind off of his phone.

* * *

 

**June 6th, 2012**

As luck would have it, Kurt was nearly alone in the apartment when he got the call. It was late Thursday morning, so Kyle and Santana were at work. Rachel was home, but she was taking a nap. Kurt was sitting in the living room watching TV and composing an email to Finn when his phone rang.

Kurt knew, but had forgotten, that Santana was planning on coming home for lunch that day so, when she walked in and found him sitting on the couch and staring at his phone, he was surprised to see her. He looked up at her in dazed shock, and he must have looked really out of it because her expression turned to worry as soon as she caught sight of him. She unceremoniously dropped everything she was holding by the door.

Santana crossed over to the couch where Kurt was sitting and took his face in her hands, wiping away his tears. “Kurt, what the fuck? Are you okay?”

Kurt hadn’t even realized he’d been crying until that point. The question made him think back to the moment when he’d received his NYADA acceptance and Rachel had asked him the same thing. He wondered if you ever really saw them coming: those moments when your dreams came true.

Santana shook him a little, and he realized he hadn’t answered her question. Kurt felt like his brain was moving through molasses right now. He looked Santana straight in the eye and took a breath. Somehow he knew that all he had to do to make it real was say it out loud. “I’m okay. Better than okay, really. I’m … holy shit, Santana. I’m making my Broadway debut on August 2nd.”

Her eyes widened for a second and she pulled him into a hug. “Holy fuck, Kurt. You did it!”

Kurt laughed and squeezed her tighter. He wasn’t quite over his shock at how quickly and thoroughly his life had just changed, but telling Santana had reminded him that he was also ecstatic.

Rachel padded into the room a minute later, looking sleepy. Santana had probably woken her up by screaming. When she saw the two of them—Santana sitting basically in Kurt’s lap on the couch and still hugging him—she shot Kurt a confused look. “What on earth are you two doing?”

Kurt grinned at Rachel while Santana got off of him and pulled him to his feet. Once he was standing, he said, “I got it, Rach. I got Book of Mormon.” As soon as he spoke, she screamed and threw herself at him, so he finished speaking into her hair. “Ensemble and understudy for Elder Price. I’m going to be on Broadway, Rachel!”

After that, everything went nuts. Rachel called Kyle and told him that he was meeting them for dinner, but didn’t tell him why. Santana texted Andrew to get his ass to their apartment right away, and he showed up looking confused. When Kurt told him, he actually lifted Kurt into the air, which was fairly impressive since he was a few inches shorter than Kurt and generally pretty tiny.

Kurt left his friends making celebration plans in the kitchen and went to his room to make all of his phone calls. His dad and Carole were both at work, so he called them separately. Burt whooped when he found out and shouted to everyone in the shop that his kid was going to be on Broadway. Carole started crying and picking out dates when the whole family could come see him. Sebastian just said, “Holy shit, Kurt,” in this hushed, awed tone that flooded Kurt with warmth.

Kurt also had quick conversations with Finn, Mercedes, and Blaine, who were all thrilled, before heading back out to the kitchen to find that Santana and Rachel had made lunch. Andrew had contributed by finding a bottle of rum and pulling the diet coke out of the fridge.

“Did you call everyone we’ve ever met yet?” Santana asked.

Kurt laughed. “Well not _everyone_. Just the people I didn’t want to have find out from you guys.”

“You say that as if we’re not capable of keeping a secret!” Rachel said, putting her hands on her hips indignantly.

Kurt, Santana, and Andrew all looked at her, looked at each other, and then started laughing at the same time. Soon, Rachel joined them. “Okay, fine,” she said, once their laughter had died down, “we’re not at all capable."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :sets off a confetti canon: Kurt's going to Broadway!
> 
> I've also written up some background info on Broadway understudies, standbys, swings, etc. because, while I'm sure some of you know all about it, many of you may not be very familiar with it beyond the fact that, on Broadway, generally every role has a cover (somebody ready to go on for the principle actor). So here's [some explanation.](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/99351559770/conversations-about-make-me-happy-covers)


	13. Chapter 13

**July 2nd, 2019**

It was strange to go to Next to Normal the night that he found out about Book of Mormon knowing that he would officially be leaving soon. Kurt knew he couldn’t afford to lose focus since he still had a little less than a month left of the show, but still the experience had an expiration date that it hadn’t had before. He wasn’t worried that anyone was going to be upset with him; he knew that the cast would all be supportive and excited for him, but they’d started to feel like his family and leaving was bittersweet.

On Sunday, June 30th, Kurt took his last bow in Next to Normal. The cast gave him a huge bouquet of flowers after the show, and everyone told him again how happy they were for him. Kurt shed more than a few tears when he was finally alone in his room that night. It was another reminder of something that he’d learned over and over again in his life: he could never quite get something he wanted without giving something else up.

Kurt spent Monday packing. At some point during the last few weeks, Andrew had declared that he, Rachel, and Kurt were spending the middle of this week in Cape Cod at his brother-in-law’s house. Kurt had tried to protest that he had things to do and that he couldn’t possibly, but standing up to the combined stubbornness of both Andrew and Rachel was a lost cause.

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Kurt said as he stuffed his bags into the trunk of Andrew’s rental car on Tuesday morning.

Andrew nudged him out of the way and moved one of Rachel’s bags to make space for Kurt’s. “Because we need to mark this transitory period in our lives by taking an actual, real live break?”

Kurt sighed and hopped into the front seat of the car while Rachel was busy saying goodbye to Kyle. Both he and Andrew laughed at her when she pouted about it until they pulled onto the highway. Then Kurt took control of Andrew’s iPod and put his Broadway playlist on shuffle, so they started their drive with all three of them singing “[Good Morning Baltimore](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/98774384671/nikki-blonsky-performs-good-morning-baltimore-in)” at the top of their lungs.

They were somewhere in Connecticut when Kurt turned down the music and looked over at Andrew. “So, how’d you convince Adam to stay home while we went to the beach?”

Andrew grinned at him. “Oh, you know me. I just told him while he was … otherwise occupied. The only thing he said was, ‘yes, Andrew, oh god, yes.’”

Kurt rolled his eyes at how full of shit Andrew was and Rachel punched him in the arm.

“Ow! Hey, we do not _strike_ the driver,” Andrew said, pouting. “Fine, fine. I told him we were having a friends-only weekend and that the sight of his ass in a swimsuit would really distract me from being the awesome friend that I normally am.”

Kurt turned and quirked an eyebrow at Rachel. “Awesome? Would you use the word awesome?”

“I was going to go with very nearly adequate.”

Andrew stuck his tongue out at both of them in the mirror and soon they were all laughing.

It was about two o’clock when they finally arrived at Andrew’s brother-in-law’s house in Falmouth. The house really belonged to his brother-in-law’s parents, but Andrew had been told years ago that he was welcome to use it any time that no one else was planning to be there. They’d been lucky that it was free this week, since it was the Fourth of July.

The house wasn’t very large, but it was well kept and homey. Even after several years, it still felt familiar to Kurt. The whole town was still familiar to all three of them.

Kurt had spent a fair amount of time at this house the summer after his sophomore year of college because Rachel, in a rather amusing coincidence, had done summer stock in Falmouth that year. Andrew and Kurt had come out to see her shows whenever they could manage it. The months of doing one show a week and sleeping in a room with four other girls and almost no space had agreed with Rachel more than he’d expected. She’d pissed people off at times, of course. But Kurt thought it had also given her the community experience she’d never gotten at NYADA since she hadn’t lived in the dorms.

With all of the time the three of them had spent in this town, they’d ended up with a lot of favorite places. Rachel’s favorite was a cupcake shop in town, so it was no surprise to anyone when her first reaction upon getting out of the car was to demand that they take her for cupcakes. It was also no surprise that neither of them objected.

* * *

 

**July 3rd, 2019**

They spent Wednesday on the beach, slathered in sunscreen and covertly slipping alcohol into their sodas from a flask that Rachel kept in her bag.

Kurt had grown sleepy around noon and closed the copy of _The Other Boleyn Girl_ he’d stolen from Rachel to try to take a nap. He was lying on his back under their umbrella and drifting in that not-quite-asleep summer afternoon way when he felt a head rest on his stomach. Kurt cracked his eyes a bit and saw that his assailant was Andrew, who was lying perpendicular to Kurt and using him as a pillow.

Kurt just shrugged and closed his eyes again, running a hand through Andrew’s slightly sandy hair. A minute later, he heard Rachel drop into the sand beside him. He opened his eyes again when he felt her reach for his free hand. She was lying with her head on Andrew’s stomach so that, when she and Kurt joined hands, they completed a square.

Andrew picked his head up slightly and looked at the two of them before lying back again. “Do you ever think that we look weird to normal people?” Which made both Kurt and Rachel laugh.

Once they’d settled down, Andrew turned his head so he was looking up at Kurt and said, “So are you going to tell us why you’ve been lost in your head so much lately?”

Kurt screwed up his face as he thought about it. He supposed he had been a bit distant. He’d thrown himself into the last few weeks of Next to Normal rather seriously, and he hadn’t felt as much like going out with his friends. But it wasn’t that he was unhappy at all. “I guess it’s just … processing the transition. I’ve worked my whole life for this. What happens next once I get it?”

Rachel squeezed his hand. “We’re actors, Kurt. It’s not like you get one Broadway show and the whole thing stops. You do the show for a while and then you start auditioning again.”

“I know. It’s not like I think I’m falling off a cliff in a month. But it means something.”

“Of course it means something,” Andrew replied with a soft smile.

Rachel twisted over on her side to look at him. “I still can’t believe that you’re technically making your Broadway debut before me!”

“Wait, does this mean I officially win? Am I now the proud owner of all of your gold star stickers and Barbra Streisand solos?”

Rachel slapped him just a bit too hard to be kidding and sat up. “You will pry Barbra out of my cold, dead hands, Kurt Hummel.”

Andrew’s eyes widened. “Don’t kill him with me here! I don’t want to be an accomplice.”

“Andrew, get me the rum,” Rachel said, sitting up. “I’m going to need alcohol in order to calm down.”

It was Kurt that pulled the liquor out of Rachel’s bag since he was the closest. After he’d handed it off, he said, “So, speaking of you losing races … can we talk about Tina and Mike beating you to the altar?”

Rachel groaned and took a long sip of her drink before answering. “I know, I know, it’s ridiculous. I really did mean to have set a date by now. But we’re just so _busy_.”

Kyle had proposed to Rachel on her birthday during Kurt’s first year on tour with Wicked, so it had been more than two and a half years, and they still had made exactly zero progress in terms of actually getting married. Kurt knew it had nothing to do with how they felt about each other, but he didn’t think they were just too busy either. “Mike’s a dancer with one of the best ballet companies in the country, and Tina is getting a PhD in Anthropology. You think they aren’t busy?”

“Ooh, he’s got you there,” Andrew said, finally sitting up and looking at Rachel. “I think it’s time you gave up the real reason, Miss Berry.”

Rachel sighed and gave the two of them a betrayed look. Kurt supposed it was sort of an ambush, but he wasn’t one to let go of a question once it was on the table.

“At first it was mostly that we didn’t have any money and Kyle hadn’t come around to letting his parents pay, yet,” Rachel finally said. “But now I think it’s just that we’re happy. It’s hard to want to go through all that expense and effort to move forward when being engaged has been so good for us. And anyways, I don’t see why we should have to do anything just because it’s what people usually do.”

“You don’t,” Andrew said, and then he reached over and plucked Rachel’s drink from her and took a sip. “Just so long as you’re honestly happy.”

“I’d honestly be happier if you got your own drink!”

Kurt just laughed at them both as they fought. Rachel eventually won, which wasn’t surprising, and Andrew gave up and made his own drink.

When they were all settled back in and staring at the beach, Rachel turned back to Andrew and said, “So how does it feel to know you’re going to be an uncle?”

Andrew’s older sister, Abby, was almost four months pregnant and had just decided that week that people outside of her immediate family were allowed to know. Andrew had told Kurt and Rachel about it on the drive to the Cape.

Andrew smiled out at the ocean. “It’s exciting, but I also feel really old.”

“What about your parents?” Kurt asked, with just a little hesitation, because he knew that Andrew’s family was good at making it difficult to just be happy about anything.

“Oh, you know,” Andrew said with a sigh. “Thrilled. _Uncomplicated_. It’s a good thing Abby’s so amazing, because it wouldn’t be difficult to resent her for how easily my father loves her.”

It was always amazing to Kurt, especially as an only child, to see how two siblings raised in the same house can come out with such different damage. Abby was four years older than Andrew and had always been his fiercest protector, but she’d never really had to face what he had growing up. She was pretty and friendly and had always been very popular at school. Somehow, probably because of this, she also didn’t get the same kind of carelessly damaging comments from their father. Victor Ivanov didn’t suddenly become capable of thinking before he spoke around her, but what he had to say about her didn’t have the same sting.

Rachel must have been thinking something along the same lines, because she rested her head on Andrew’s shoulder and said, “Sometimes I wish you were willing to hate him.”

Andrew rested his cheek on the top of her head in response. “Sometimes I wish that, too.”

Kurt just laid his hand on Andrew’s back and didn’t say anything. Soon, all three of them were lost in their own thoughts again, looking at the ocean. Kurt couldn’t help but look over at Rachel and Andrew, who were still leaning on each other, and think about how much of their lives they all still had left to figure out.

* * *

 

By six, the rum had very seriously gone to Kurt’s head. Rachel and Andrew were slightly more sober and had abandoned him again to take another dip. Kurt was spinning his phone around in his hand trying to decide what to do with it when it occurred to him that he hadn’t had a chance to text Sebastian all day, so instead Kurt called him.

“Well hello, Kurt. How’s Cape Cod?” Kurt could hear the smile in Sebastian’s voice.

“Sandy. How’s Boston?”

Sebastian laughed. “About the same. Humid.”

Kurt hummed quietly in agreement. “It’s humid here, too. But we have an ocean.”

“Kurt, are you drunk?”

“That does happen when you start drinking at noon,” Kurt said, and then dropped back to lie on his back again. “Oh, now I have sand in my hair.”

“Wow, Kurt ...” Kurt could imagine exactly the smirk and eye roll that Sebastian would be directing at him right now.

Kurt wished Sebastian were actually here right now, and not just so Kurt wouldn’t have to imagine his ridiculous expression. Sebastian probably looked _really good_ in a bathing suit. “Hey, Sebastian, what are you wearing?”

“Oh my god, you really are drunk. I’m wearing nothing but a well-placed fig leaf. What do you think I’m wearing at six o’clock on a work day?”

Well, that was hardly the reaction he’d been looking for. “You never want to have phone sex with me.”

Sebastian snorted. “Oh, I see we’ve switched to drunk and pouty. That’s completely inaccurate and you know it. I’m just not going to do it when I’m walking home from work and you’re _on a public beach._ ”

Kurt sat half way up and looked around for a second before flopping back down. He’d forgotten about that fact. And it really hadn’t been why he’d called Sebastian anyways. “Sebastian?”

“Mmhm.”

“Do you think I’ve been distant lately?”

Sebastian was silent on the other end of the line for a minute before he spoke. “Distant? No. You’ve been thinking a lot, but mostly out loud.”

Kurt nodded, and doing so dug sand into the back of his head, which wasn’t a pleasant feeling. It was good to know that he hadn’t seemed far away from _everyone_ while he was trying to process finally becoming a Broadway actor.

“So how are you really?” He asked, and then sat up, slowly trying to shake most of the sand out of his hair.

Sebastian talked for a while about his current work situation, which was especially annoying because he was picking up slack for a colleague out on maternity leave. Apparently this wouldn’t have been a problem for Sebastian except that he liked her job even less than he liked his own.

Then they switched to talking about their plans for the Fourth of July. A bunch of Sebastian’s college teammates were going to be in Boston on the actual Fourth, so he was pretty happy. Kurt, Rachel, and Andrew were braving the tourists to enjoy the holiday on the Cape. On Friday, the three of them would head back to New York in the morning and Sebastian would be on his way after work. It was sort of funny, the way the timing had worked, with Kurt and Sebastian both going to New York from Massachusetts on the same day.

Rachel and Andrew had dropped onto the blanket next to Kurt by the time he finished his call, and when Kurt hung up Andrew grinned at him evilly and said, “So, what _was_ he wearing?”

* * *

 

**July 5th, 2019**

It wasn’t until Kurt was at home and unpacking on Friday afternoon that he decided Andrew had been right about the trip to Cape Cod. He felt much more centered and ready to start rehearsals for Book of Mormon on Tuesday, and he was ready to leave Next to Normal behind him and move forward.

Friday night, Kurt went to the train station to pick up Sebastian for the first time in months. When he realized that he was feeling more than a bit nostalgic about the Amtrak waiting room, he shook himself.

Sebastian’s train was shockingly punctual this time around. Sebastian looked tired when he appeared, but when he saw Kurt crossing the room towards him, his face lit up.

Kurt just managed to stop himself from running when he saw Sebastian. The need to have Sebastian in his arms hit Kurt like a freight train as soon as they were in the same room. All of a sudden it felt like the two of them had been apart much longer than the usual month. As soon as Sebastian was in reach, Kurt grabbed him and hugged him as hard as he could.

Sebastian returned the hug, holding Kurt tightly, and whispered in his ear, “I missed you, too.”

They hugged for just a minute longer than was probably reasonable and then Kurt pulled back to press a quick kiss to Sebastian’s lips. Once they had finally disentangled, Sebastian took Kurt’s hand and they headed for the exit. “I can’t believe you waited until right after I left to get cast in a Broadway show!” he said, once they were on their way.

Kurt laughed. “It wasn’t like I planned it! Besides, what would you have done if you were here?”

Sebastian leered at Kurt and winked, then said, “Taken you out to dinner to celebrate, obviously. Which I am doing tomorrow, and don’t even try to pay.”

“Right, as opposed to every other time we go out when you _totally_ let me pay.”

“Oh, you noticed that?” Sebastian said nonchalantly, but he didn’t look at Kurt as he said it.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “My pattern recognition skills are excellent.” It would have been hard to miss, actually.

“Good, so then you won’t try to argue this time”

“Do you really believe you’re going to get me to stop arguing?” Kurt said, squeezing Sebastian’s hand.

“I like to be optimistic.”

* * *

 

**July 6th, 2019**

Saturday was a gorgeous July day. For once, the city actually wasn’t a sauna and they could go outside and do something without sweating to death, so Kurt took Sebastian to Brooklyn to visit the Botanical Gardens.

For a little while they wandered around aimlessly, hand in hand, and talked about unimportant things. By the fifth time Kurt stopped to look at a flower and Sebastian identified it—a pink stargazer lily this time—Kurt was seriously curious.

“Okay, Sebastian. What’s up with you and the oddly specific flower knowledge?”

Sebastian looked up from where he had been closely inspecting some kind of flowering bush. “What?”

“You. Flowers. Why?” Kurt said, rolling his eyes at how distracted Sebastian was by the plants.

Sebastian straightened up and wandered back to Kurt’s side as he spoke. “Oh, my grandfather was a florist in Philly. That’s actually how my parents met.”

Kurt tilted his head to the side and gave Sebastian a confused look. As far as he knew, people who considered themselves to be “old money” weren’t usually florists.

“My mother’s father,” Sebastian said, correctly interpreting Kurt’s confusion.

“I thought your mother’s parents were French? Isn’t that who you visit in Paris for Christmas every year?”

Sebastian shook his head, and took Kurt’s hand to keep walking before he started telling the story. “Just my mother’s mother. She moved back to Paris when my grandfather died.”

“And your grandfather was a florist?” Kurt was starting to feel like he was going to need a detailed family tree to keep track of all of this.

Sebastian nodded. “Yep. Family business. And my uncle, the one we visited in Philly for Thanksgiving, took it over when he got sick. I used to help out in the shop when I visited.”

Kurt tugged on Sebastian’s hand to pull him over to a bench by the edge of the walkway. If he was going to try to get Sebastian to tell him old family stories, they might as well be sitting down. “So what does that have to do with your parents meeting?”

“Oh god, you don’t want to hear that story. It’s terrible. It’s like the plot of a bad romantic comedy,” Sebastian said, rolling his eyes.

Kurt had never met Sebastian’s parents. He knew that Sebastian got along with them well, but that was about it. “Romantic comedies are my guilty pleasure, so now you haveto tell me.”

“Oh, fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Sebastian draped an arm across the back of the bench behind Kurt and turned to face him. “Okay, so back in the late 80s, my dad was in pre-law at UPenn, and there was this girl who he’d liked for ages. He finally got up the courage to ask her out after months, and she said yes. So on the day of his big date, he went to pick up flowers for her.”

“Let me guess, he went to your grandfather’s flower shop?” Kurt said, with a grin.

Sebastian laughed and squeezed Kurt’s shoulders lightly. “You got it. So mom was a student at Swarthmore at the time and was still working at the flower shop on weekends. It was a slow day, so she had plenty of time to help dad pick out flowers when he came looking. She maintains that he was definitely flirting with her, so she was really disappointed when she found out that the flowers were for a date.”

Kurt nodded. “It’s always depressing when the handsome stranger is taken. Always puts a damper on the meet-cute.”

“Well, it didn’t last. He went out on his date with this girl he’d been crushing on for months, but he was barely paying attention because he couldn’t stop thinking about the girl at the flower shop.”

“Aw,” Kurt said, mostly to tease Sebastian although it was, in fact, really sweet. “I can see why you hate this story. It’s adorable.”

“You’re such a ridiculous romantic. Just wait. It gets worse,” Sebastian rolled his eyes at Kurt.

Kurt laughed. “It’s true. I never did quite grow out of being a not-so-secret romantic. Keep going.”

“Okay, fine. Impatient much?” Sebastian said, but he couldn’t seem to help smiling at Kurt, which made it impossible to believe he was really annoyed. “So dad went back to the flower shop a couple of times that week, but mom wasn’t there. It wasn’t until he went back the next Saturday that he saw her. So, being the smooth asshole he is—you’ll understand when you meet him—he asked her to help him pick out flowers for another date. While they were picking them out, she said something about how the first date must have gone well, and he said that these flowers were actually for a different girl.”

Kurt had a feeling he knew where this was going, but he didn’t interrupt Sebastian again. “So after he paid for the flowers, he walked around the counter and gave them to her. So—and this is how they always tell it—she said that she thought the flowers were for his date, and he said, ‘I hope they are.’ So of course she said yes. And the rest is history.”

“Well that’s pretty much the cutest thing ever,” Kurt said, leaning his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “How did two people like that get a son like you?”

Sebastian was indignant. “Hey! I can totally be romantic,” he said, and he pushed Kurt’s head off of his shoulder so that he could stand up.

Instead of answering, Kurt just laughed at the sight of Sebastian standing above him with his arms crossed and then held his hand out for Sebastian to pull him to his feet.

Sebastian glared at the hand at first but finally he gave up and pulled Kurt up. “I really can be romantic!” he said, almost whining, but he didn’t drop Kurt’s hand.

“Oh yeah? Tell me one romantic thing you’ve done,” Kurt said, starting to pull Sebastian along the path again.

Sebastian was silent for a few minutes as they walked. Finally he said, “I kissed a guy on the top of the Eiffel Tower once, but he was some diplomat’s kid and I was trying to get into his pants, so that probably doesn’t count.”

Kurt used his free hand to punch Sebastian lightly on the shoulder. “No, that doesn’t count. Honestly, Sebastian.”

“Well it worked!” Sebastian said with a grin. “Okay, fine. I surprised Tad with a trip to San Francisco for his birthday a couple of years ago. How’s that?”

“San Francisco?” Kurt said skeptically, although he was pretty sure that a surprise vacation anywhere counted as romantic if you did it right.

Sebastian shrugged. “Yeah, he’d wanted to go. And he’d never seen the Pacific Ocean.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that one,” Kurt said. He had a feeling there was actually a sweet story behind Sebastian’s shrug, but it wasn’t a surprise that Sebastian didn’t want to go into detail about Tad. He never really did. Kurt understood the feeling, so he changed the topic by pulling Sebastian over to a flower growing by the path.

After another hour or so, Kurt and Sebastian were both obviously wearing out and it was fairly close to closing time, so Kurt was happy to go along when Sebastian suggested a French restaurant nearby.

Once they had ordered their food, Sebastian said, “Okay, so now that we’ve exhausted flowers as a topic, let’s talk about that Broadway thing you’re doing starting Tuesday.”

“Oh right, that. Well that’s not a big deal at all.” Kurt replied, completely unable to wipe the smile off of his face.

“Yes, I’m sorry for introducing this terribly boring topic of conversation. But really, you have like three and a half weeks to learn it all? Do you know what the schedule’s going to be like?”

“Pretty much. It probably won’t be too different from when I started Wicked. But that was basically the most exhausting month of my life, so I still don’t feel prepared. But yeah, the stage management team did give me some sense of how things are going to go.”

Sebastian just raised an eyebrow in response, so Kurt elaborated. “I’ll start by working with the stage managers and dance captains to learn the blocking and choreography. Then the swings and other understudies will join in. I’ll follow the guy I’m replacing a few times to get a sense of how everything works, and then we’ll start running my stuff with the cast. On the 2nd, we’ll do my put-in rehearsal during the day—which means the whole cast will do the show with me, but I’ll be the only one doing it in full costume—and then Friday night I’ll go on.”

“That sounds totally relaxing, I have no idea what your problem is.”

Kurt laughed. “Right? I also have to watch the show pretty frequently during that time. And then, as soon as I start going on in the ensemble, I also have to start learning Elder Price as the understudy.”

“So, basically they own your soul?” Sebastian said with a smile.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Sebastian winked at him. “Well, you know, just text me every once in a while to let me know you aren’t dead.”

“Please,” Kurt said, smiling at him. “You say that like you believe you aren’t going to get an endless stream of text messages that are just variations on ‘holy shit, I’m so tired.”

“I’ll have to emotionally prepare myself.”

“You do that.”

* * *

 


	14. Chapter 14

**July 19th, 2019**

Kurt was standing in the middle of the room trying to work up the energy to take a shower before he sat down. He knew that if he let himself lay down on his bed, he’d never get up and do anything else.

To Sebastian:  
Everything hurts. Literally everything.

From Sebastian:  
Discovered muscles you didn’t even know you had?

To Sebastian:  
That’s one way to put it.

Kurt laughed at the conversation and then threw his phone on the bed as he went to get ready for his shower. He’d been making good on his promise to text Sebastian constantly about how tired he was as he rehearsed for Book of Mormon. They’d had this particular conversation several times over the past two weeks, but today it was especially true.

Even in the shower, he couldn’t get his brain to shut up and stop reviewing the dance steps in his head. He could practically hear the dance captain’s voice; he’d heard so much of it lately. It didn’t make for a very relaxing shower.

When Kurt had finally taken care of everything he needed to, he flopped back on his bed and called Sebastian. He probably wouldn’t have called anyone else at midnight, but it was a Friday, and he knew Sebastian was awake.

“So how was your first run through of your entire part?” Sebastian asked. Kurt had finally learned everything well enough to be able to run all of the dances from the top of the show to the end, so now they were working on cleaning things up.

“Exhausting. It went well, but I haven’t got a clue why I agreed to see the show tonight. I could have been at home in bed, but for some insane reason I decided standing in the wings all night was a better idea.”

Sebastian laughed. “Yep, you’re an idiot.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, even though Sebastian couldn’t see him, and stood up so he could get into bed, rather than sprawling all over it. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve never made this particular mistake.”

“Of course not,” Kurt said, reaching up to turn off his bedside lamp and snuggling under the covers, phone still attached to his ear. “But you are an idiot.”

Sebastian seemed to notice a change in Kurt’s voice, because he said, “Kurt, are you going to sleep in the middle of this conversation?”

“Well, I’m not asleep _yet_ ,” Kurt said, switching to his other side. “But I have to say, this bed is awfully comfortable.”

In response, Sebastian actually snorted. “Yes, I’m actually familiar with that fact. It’s a very nice bed.”

“I knew it! You do only visit me to take advantage of my bed,” Kurt said, without much real indignation. He was too close to falling asleep for that.

“It’s true. I can’t deny it. It’s the bed I was hoping to take advantage of,” Sebastian replied, and Kurt could hear the smile in his voice. “And are you aware that you called me to talk for only a few minutes and then basically fall asleep on the phone?”

Kurt smiled back. “I’m aware, and I am totally okay with this.”

“Shut up and go to sleep, Kurt,” Sebastian said, his tone fond.

“Mmkay, goodnight.” He pressed the button to hang up the phone right before he fell asleep.

* * *

 

**August 2nd, 2019**

To Sebastian:  
Thanks for the pink stargazer lilies!

From Sebastian:  
I’m so proud. You remembered! How are you feeling?

Kurt sat in front of his mirror and considered the question. He wasn’t even sure how to answer it with so many different feelings competing to come to the forefront of his mind. He was excited for his Broadway debut, of course, but he was also terrified. Intellectually he knew that he had the part down, his put-in rehearsal that afternoon had gone really well, but that still didn’t stop him from freaking out over the fact that he was going to be on Broadway—actual Broadway—in an hour.

To Sebastian:  
Overwhelmed. Quick! Talk about something else to distract me?

From Sebastian:  
You want me to come up with something that will distract you from the fact that you’re about to become a Broadway actor? Because sexting on the train seems like a poor choice, but I could.

Kurt laughed. Of course that would be Sebastian’s best idea of a distraction. It might even work, too, if it weren’t totally inappropriate.

To Sebastian:  
Really? You have no other interesting conversation topics.

From Sebastian:  
I try to know my strengths. Okay … Have you seen last Sunday’s _Martian High_?

Apparently sex was the most interesting thing Sebastian could think of and bad TV starring their friend was the second? Well, that was a topic Kurt could work with.

To Sebastian:  
Yeah, I watched it. I think Blaine’s character is adopted. His parents don’t look like him at all.

From Sebastian:  
Well, they did transform into humans from their true Martian forms. Perhaps they look just like him as aliens.

To Sebastian:  
Are you really trying to justify having two blonds play Blaine’s parents?

From Sebastian:  
I don’t think the curtains match the drapes on the mother, anyways.

To Sebastian:  
Oh my god.

Kurt was grinning at his phone. Sebastian actually had managed to distract him from thinking about the show for a few minutes. Of course, the arrival of the rest of the guys in his dressing room reminded him again.

Lucas, the dance captain who had been helping Kurt the last few weeks, took an appreciative look at Kurt’s table. “Nice flowers, Kurt! Doting boyfriend?”

“Just friends and family,” Kurt said, looking at the flowers again. They were all pretty overwhelming. Along with Sebastian’s flowers, he’d also gotten a bouquet from his agent, another from his family, a third from his New York friends, and a fourth from his West Coast friends—Tina, Mike, Blaine, Zeke, Mercedes, and Sam.

Lucas dropped a hand to Kurt’s shoulder and rubbed absentminded circles on Kurt’s back with his thumb as he leaned in to look at his agent’s sunflowers. “Well, I’m glad you’re popular,” he said, and then he looked back at Kurt with a sunny smile. “And you’re going to be fine. You know this. You’re great at this. So keep breathing.”

“Are you saying I look like I need a pep talk?”

“You’re about to make your Broadway debut! Of course you need a pep talk!” Lucas replied, and then he leaned over Kurt to give him a slightly awkward sideways hug before walking over to his own table.

* * *

 

As they usually did, all of Kurt’s fears about his performance dropped away as soon as he set foot on the stage and looked out at the audience. For some reason, no matter how much time he spent trying to get into character, he never completely felt it until he was on stage.

Kurt didn’t have too much time to reflect on the moment during the show. He was still at the point where he had to focus to keep track of all of his costume changes and where he was supposed to be at any given moment.

At intermission, everyone he ran into hugged him and told him that he was doing well, which helped with the nerves that tried to creep up on him during the break.

Before he knew it, the show was over and everyone in the cast was congratulating him.

“Ready to do it twice tomorrow?” Lucas said with a grin.

“Holy shit, tomorrow? I really hadn’t thought past today.” Kurt was joking, but it felt a little bit true. He’d spent so much time worrying about his debut that he hadn’t thought very much about the fact that he’d be performing the show eight times a week.

Lucas patted Kurt’s arm. “It’s okay; it happens a lot. I always have to remind the new kids to come back.”

Kurt slapped Lucas’s hand away lightly and rolled his eyes. “Come on, I have people waiting for me.”

Santana, Lexie, Rachel, Andrew, and Adam had all come to his first night’s performance. Kyle was playing the keyboard in the Medea pit, so he hadn’t been able to come, and Sebastian was coming the next day with Trent, but Kurt was happy to have most of his friends there.

Kurt met them backstage before he went out the stage door. Rachel started crying as soon as she saw him and practically threw herself at him. “You did it, Kurt. You’re on Broadway!” she said into his shoulder. Kurt squeezed her back tightly. He wanted to tell her how much it meant to have her there at his Broadway debut, almost as happy for him as he was for himself, but he couldn’t find the words. He knew that, after all these years, she already knew.

“Okay, Berry, your turn is up. Stop hogging him.” Santana reached out and tugged on Rachel’s shoulder until she let go and Santana could hug Kurt herself. “I’m proud of you, too, you know,” she said, “I’m just not going to cry about it.”

Kurt laughed. “I really didn’t expect you to.”

Andrew looked a bit teary himself, but he skipped the serious congratulations in favor of saying, “You know, you really _do_ look Mormon with your hair like that.” Kurt glared at him in response, but Andrew just laughed and wrapped his arms around Kurt.

Kurt accepted congratulations and hugs from Lexie and Adam as well before he shooed them out of the backstage area so that he could finish getting dressed. They were meeting Sebastian and Kyle at a bar in Astoria in forty-five minutes, so they needed to get moving. They’d have plenty of time to discuss the show once they got there.

Stepping out the stage door at Book of Mormon was a totally different experience than it had been at his off-Broadway shows. Instead of walking into a small group of people standing by the door, he stepped out to find several dozen people standing behind barricades. The security guy at the door handed him a Sharpie before he walked down the line of fans holding out their playbills.

He knew that he wasn’t really who people were at the stage door to see, but most of them were still really friendly and asked for his autograph. A few of them told him they’d seen the show a bunch of times and knew that it was his first performance. They all congratulated him on his Broadway debut, which was nice.

When all of the playbills were signed, he handed the Sharpie back and walked away from the theatre. He turned the corner on the next block and found his friends waiting for him. Lexie and Andrew were bickering about something, but they stopped as soon as they saw Kurt. Rachel linked her arm with Kurt’s and they headed to the subway station on 49th.

* * *

 

**August 3rd, 2019**

The next night, Kurt was lying in bed with Sebastian’s head pillowed on his chest. Kurt was reading a book and trying to decide if he was more interested in sleeping or going for round two while Sebastian traced nonsense patterns on his bare stomach.

“That tickles, you know,” Kurt said, setting his book down next to him.

Sebastian just hummed quietly in response and kept doing what he was doing, so Kurt shook his shoulder lightly. “Hey, what are you thinking about?”

“You, mostly,” Sebastian replied, flipping over onto his back so that he could look at Kurt.

“Oh, good, my favorite topic! What about me?”

“Nothing particularly revolutionary,” Sebastian said, playing with the sheet next to him and not really looking at Kurt. “Just, you know, I saw you on Broadway today.”

Kurt ran the backs of his fingers along the side of Sebastian’s ribs softly and looked down at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. Finally, Kurt broke the silence. “Was that a surprise?”

Sebastian’s mouth twisted a bit in confusion as he thought about the answer. “It’s not that it was a surprise. It’s just that … I don’t know. It’s a weird thing to say.”

Kurt smiled and moved the hand that he’d been running along Sebastian’s side to rest on his stomach instead. “Most of what you say is weird, so you might as well go ahead.”

Sebastian didn’t protest like he normally would, instead he moved his hand to rest on top of Kurt’s and laced their fingers together. “It’s just that you’ve been working towards this so long, and all of the rest of your friends have been there to see everything you’ve gone through to get here. I’ve only been in your life for a year, really, so it doesn’t seem like my place.”

Kurt just waited. He’d learned by now that Sebastian would eventually get around to saying what he needed to say if Kurt gave him the chance.

“I guess I’m trying to say I’m proud of you,” Sebastian said without looking at him.

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment and let Sebastian’s words wash over him. He didn’t know how to tell Sebastian how much it meant to him to hear that, at least not without making this conversation feel like too much. Kurt had yet to reach the limit of Sebastian’s tolerance for intense conversation, but he’d always been sure it existed. He had a feeling that Sebastian’s hesitance meant they were approaching that limit.

Instead of saying anything, Kurt sat up and pushed Sebastian to a sitting position with him so he could lean in for a kiss, trying to say with a soft press of lips what he couldn’t say in words. Sebastian seemed startled by the sudden change of position, and it was a few seconds before he kissed Kurt back. Kurt pulled away before the kiss turned into anything more and brushed Sebastian’s hair off his forehead as he said, “I don’t think it’s weird.”

Instead of giving Sebastian time to think about that, Kurt changed the topic quickly. “So what was your favorite part of the show?”

At that, Sebastian seemed to shake out of his haze. He rearranged himself so that he was sitting next to Kurt with his back against the headboard and then shot Kurt an evil smile. “Definitely the part where you were magically wearing a sequined pink vest. It’s basically you in a nutshell.”

Kurt took a breath, relieved that his topic change seemed to have worked. He smacked Sebastian playfully in the arm in retaliation for the comment. “Asshole.”

“Hey! You hit me! How rude!” Sebastian said.

Kurt ran his hand back over the spot. “You deserved it. And I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but I did not make a vest magically appear. I pulled it out of my pants.”

It was a split second between the moment when Kurt said those words and the moment when he realized his mistake, but it was too late to take them back. Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he burst into laughter, doubling over as he tried to catch his breath. “Oh my god, Kurt! Seriously?”

Kurt gave Sebastian his most withering look in response.

That only seemed to make Sebastian laugh harder. “There are so many things I could say right now! I can’t even pick one. The jokes literally write themselves.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes further. He wasn’t actually mad at Sebastian for laughing; he knew he’d walked right into that. But he had a reputation to uphold. “You know what? I think I’ll go to bed now,” he said, reaching over to flick off the light.

“Come on, Kurt, don’t go to bed! I’m sorry!” Sebastian said, reaching out in the dark to grab his arm.

Kurt rolled over and pulled the blankets up around him. “Nope. Too late. Apology not accepted. Suck your own dick next time!”

Sebastian just started laughing harder and, finally, Kurt joined him.

* * *

 

**August 5th, 2019**

Monday morning, Kurt was sitting in the living room watching a _Facts of Life_ marathon in his pajamas; he planning to get dressed until he had to leave to meet Sebastian for dinner. It was his first real day off in nearly a month, and he’d be starting to learn Elder Price’s part on Thursday, so he was absolutely not willing to expend any effort today.

He was texting Sebastian a funny quote from the TV show when Rachel walked into the room and sat down next to him. Before she had time to speak, Kurt reached out a hand and shushed her. “No talking. I’m having a perfect morning.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “I’m sure I can handle breakfast and TV without messing up your morning. Thank you, Kurt.”

She reached across him to steal a bite of his eggs and then did a double take. “Kurt, is that a Harvard sweatshirt you’re wearing?”

Kurt glanced down at his chest, trying to keep from looking guilty. “No, I’m just happy to see you,” he deadpanned.

Rachel gave him a weird look. Apparently she either didn’t get or didn’t appreciate his joking attempt at deflection.

“Why are you wearing Harvard sweatshirt, Kurt?”

The actual answer was that had acquired the sweatshirt in July when Sebastian had gone back to Boston and left it draped across a chair. Kurt had worn it a few times, but Rachel hadn’t seen it yet. Sebastian had, but had just laughed and kissed him instead of asking it for it back, so Kurt still had it a month later. The answer he went with was, “Because we need to turn down the air conditioning?”

“ _Kurt._ ” Rachel said, shooting him a frustrated look. “Honestly, you’re wearing his clothes. Isn’t it time that you admitted—”

Kurt cut her off with a glare. “I swear to God, Rachel. Do not finish that sentence.”

“Why not? It’s August, Kurt. This has been going on for _a year_. Don’t you think it’s something you should think about?”

“Because we’re just friends, Rach. Friends with benefits, sure. But friends. And that’s all we’re ever going to be, so let’s not have this conversation,” he said, but he couldn’t help but do the math; he was surprised to realize that it really had been a year, almost to the day, since he’d run into Sebastian in that bar.

Rachel looked confused. “Why would that be all you’re ever going to be? Haven’t you seen how he looks at you?”

That threw Kurt a bit. Sebastian didn’t look at him like anything in particular. “He looks at me the same way he looks at anyone. And even if I wanted more—which I don’t—or he wanted more—which he definitely doesn’t—it wouldn’t matter. He lives in Boston, and I live here. End of story.”

Kurt looked into her eyes for a moment and willed her to understand that he couldn’t afford to think about being anything other than friends with Sebastian. He couldn’t let himself get in too deep on this because, if he did, he’d have to end it, and Sebastian had become too important to him in this last year for him to let that happen.

“Do you really think the distance matters that much, Kurt?” Rachel asked, proving once again that she was terrible at reading minds.

Kurt just closed his eyes and shook his head. “I think you already know the answer to that.”

A moment later, he felt her wrap an arm around his shoulder. Kurt leaned into Rachel and let her hug him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ll leave it alone for now. But I think you’re wrong.”

Kurt knew that he hadn’t heard anywhere near the end of this. Rachel wasn’t going to let this go if she thought she was right, but for now, he was going to take the reprieve she was offering.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF YEAR ONE, YOU GUYS! There's a bit of a discussion on what that means [over on tumblr.](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/99348618260/conversations-about-make-me-happy-the-years)
> 
> If anyone has not seen Book of Mormon or been able to find it on Youtube and wants to, as with Next To Normal I can probably help with that if you message me privately.


	15. Chapter 15

**August 6th, 2014**

Kurt spent Tuesday helping Andrew pack, or at least Kurt believed he was helping. Andrew wasn’t completely convinced.

“I’m never going to be ready to leave if you keep criticizing everything I try to put in the suitcase,” Andrew said, flopping down on the bed next to Kurt.

“Everything you own is plaid, Andrew,” Kurt said, looking into his best friend’s closet with a sigh. “Even your underwear is plaid. You have a plaid suit. How am I supposed to dress you for this whole meet the parents thing?”

“In plaid, I presume. Besides, you love the plaid suit,” Andrew replied.

Kurt had actually helped Andrew pick out that particular suit, but he was choosing to ignore that fact. “Well, it’s a great suit. But you can’t wear it on this trip.”

Andrew sat up on his elbows and gave Kurt a suspicious look. “Wait, why are you dressing me for this at all?”

“Because when I showed up, you were staring into your closet looking like you were about to start crying,” Kurt said.

“Oh right,” Andrew said, and then hopped up off the bed to start pacing around his room. “It’s just that I haven’t got a fucking clue what I’m doing. What if they’re like, ‘Adam, you haven’t been home in two years. Why are you dragging this asshole along?’ What if they hate me?”

Kurt reached out and grabbed Andrew’s arm as he paced by. It really was better to stop Andrew from getting worked up before he got too much momentum. “Andrew, honestly. They aren’t going to hate you. When has anyone ever hated you?”

“I’ve never met anyone’s parents before.”

That wasn’t strictly true. Andrew knew plenty of his friends’ parents, but that wasn’t the same thing. “This isn’t like the movies, okay? Adam’s family isn’t going to be looking for a reason to hate you. They know Adam loves you. All they’re going to want is to know that you’re a good person who treats him well. And you are.”

“Technically, we haven’t said that,” Andrew said, tugging his wrist away from Kurt so he could use his left hand to massage his right.

“Doesn’t make it any less true,” Kurt replied. “And I promise you’re going to be fine. Go to England with your boyfriend and have fun. And when you come back, you’ll be doing Perks again.”

Andrew nodded and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths, and Kurt could tell that he was counting them out. When he opened his eyes again, he looked calmer.

“Okay,” Andrew said, turning to his closet. “We just have to remember that I actually like my clothes. Because plaid is amazing.”

Kurt laughed as Andrew started pulling things out of his closet and piling them on the bed.

To Adam:  
Your boyfriend is a ball of nervous ticks.

From Adam:  
Yes, that does seem to be the case. Should I be worried?

To Adam:  
I don’t think so. He should be ready to go at 5pm. And he’s even bringing clothes!

From Adam:  
That’s always a good sign.

“Do you think the fact that I’m flying all the way to England to meet his parents will convince people to stop referring to this as a showmance?” Andrew asked, dropping a pair of plaid pants next to Kurt.

Kurt picked the pants up and started folding them. “You’re in a relationship with the guy you kiss on stage eight nights a week. You could be married for fifty years and have eight children and everyone would _still_ call it a showmance.”

Andrew’s eyes widened in horror. “Please god, don’t ever let me have eight children. I don’t even know what I’d do with one.”

* * *

 

**August 9 th, 2019**

On Thursday, Kurt began officially learning Elder Price’s music. Over the next few weeks, he would learn the whole show again, this time as the lead, while at the same time performing in the ensemble at night. On top of that, his family was coming to see him in the show that weekend.

They were flying in on Friday night and had all taken Monday and Tuesday off from work so that they could spend Kurt’s day off with him and fly home Tuesday morning. Kurt was excited to see them, but he wished the timing had worked out for them to come later.

Kurt couldn’t pick his family up from the airport on Friday because they were arriving during his show, so Rachel and Santana trekked out to JFK to get them and take them back to their hotel. Kurt got the impression that Santana was only going in the hopes that the combination of Rachel, Finn and Nora, and Carole and Burt would be amusing.

When Kurt got back to the apartment, he found Finn and Nora drinking in the living room with his roommates and Lexie. “I thought you were going back to the hotel?” Kurt asked as Finn jumped up to say hello to him.

“We’re not actually old enough to go to bed before eleven on vacation yet,” Finn said, and then pulled Kurt into a tight hug.

Kurt hugged him back and then reached out to hug Nora, who had followed Finn over. “I hope it’s okay that we’re here,” she said into his ear. “You must be exhausted.”

Kurt certainly was exhausted, but he didn’t get to see Finn and Nora nearly as often as he would have liked, so he was happy to spend some time with them.”I’ll be fine as soon as someone gets me a drink.”

Nora laughed as she pulled away. “Finn, get your brother a drink!” she demanded.

Finn crossed his arms indignantly. “I’m the guest! I don’t even know where anything is!”

“I’ll be happy to tell you what to do, if you’re willing to just do what I say,” Kurt said, flashing an innocent smile at Finn.

Finn laughed. “Story of your life, right, Kurt?” But he did start walking towards the kitchen.

Kurt was actually glad to get a few minutes alone with Finn. His relationship with Rachel was still friendly, and there wasn’t a lot of weirdness there, but there were still things that Finn probably wouldn’t have discussed in front of the group.

Once he was situated on one of the stools, Kurt directed Finn to pull out a bottle of orange vodka from the liquor cabinet and a bottle of cranberry juice from the fridge. “So how are you guys?” Kurt asked. He and Finn emailed back and forth frequently, but Kurt always felt like he was missing things.

“Really good,” Finn said, with a smile. “Actually, I have news,” he said as he poured the vodka into a glass. “I got a teaching job.”

“What?” Kurt said, jumping off of his stool. “When? Where?”

Finn laughed. “Wapakoneta. Teaching music. And I just found out this week, but I wanted to wait to tell you when we got here.”

Kurt screamed and ran around the counter so that he could give Finn another hug. This was huge news for Finn and Nora. They’d known it would be harder for Finn to get a job if they had to limit his job search to a small area, but Nora worked in the corporate offices of a large medical supply company in Kenton and made a lot more than Finn would as a teacher, so he had to find a job within a reasonable distance of hers. It hadn’t been a huge source of stress because Finn wasn’t bored giving lessons and they could live pretty reasonably on Nora’s salary. The problem was that they couldn’t really afford to have kids on just one income, and Kurt knew they wanted to.

“You going to let me go so I can finish this drink?” Finn asked.

“Yeah, okay,” Kurt said, returning to his stool so that Finn could tell him more about the job over vodka cranberries.

* * *

 

**August 11 th, 2019**

Two show days really did make it hard to visit with anyone. On Saturday, Kurt saw his family in between shows. They had tickets to the evening show, and all four of them loved it. Kurt had been a little worried about his parents at a show like Book of Mormon, but his father had just said, “Kid, Carole and I have been hearing those words since long before you were born.”

After the show, Burt had pulled Kurt into one of his giant hugs and said, “I always knew you’d get here.” Carole had cried when she hugged him and told him that she was proud of him.

By Sunday night, Kurt was glad to have a night at home just sitting around with his family and his roommates. Rachel had offered to make dinner, so they’d stayed in to hang out and catch up.

Kurt was sandwiched on the middle of the couch between his father and Carole, who’d asked Kyle and Lexie to tell everyone about The Longest Distance. Kurt knew everything there was to know at this point, so he just sat back and enjoyed having so many of his favorite people in the same place.

Kyle was in the middle of telling his family about the workshop in January, when Kurt’s phone rang. It was sitting on the coffee table, so Kurt leaned forward to spin it towards himself and read the name on the screen.

He was surprised to see that the call was from Sebastian. His first instinct was to ignore it and call back when his family wasn’t there, but he thought better of it. Sebastian knew that his parents had come for the weekend; Kurt didn’t think he’d call just to chat.

“I’ll be back in a minute. I have to take this,” Kurt said as he stood up and walked out of the living room. He saw his dad watch him as he walked out, so he waited until he was in the hallway to answer the phone. “Hey, Sebastian. What’s up?”

“Sorry for calling,” Sebastian said, “I know your dad is there. I just …”

Kurt slipped into his room and shut the door behind him before dropping into his computer chair. Sebastian didn’t seem like he was going to finish his sentence, but Kurt was struck by how _tired_ he sounded. “It’s totally fine. What’s wrong?” Kurt said, his voice soft.

“It’s been a really long day.” It was the most defeated Kurt had ever heard Sebastian sound, and it felt like such a change from the alternately sarcastic and sweet man Kurt was used to. He was suddenly afraid that things were a lot worse for Sebastian than he’d ever realized.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Sebastian sighed. “Just all the little things, you know? My alarm didn’t go off, and the milk was bad, and my air conditioning isn’t working very well so it’s a million degrees in here, and I finally got it together to go grocery shopping and when I got home I realized that the jar of jelly had broken and now half of the groceries are sticky and purple. And I’m just staring at it because I can’t face the idea of dealing with it.”

Kurt waited while Sebastian took a breath and tried to figure out what on earth he would say. “Sebastian …” he started, with no idea where he was going with it.

“I know it all sounds stupid. But I just get so tired of my life being nothing but an endless series of fuck ups,” Sebastian said, sounding both frustrated and sad.

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment. He was still reeling at the whole conversation. It felt so sudden to him, but he had a feeling that it wasn’t actually a change for Sebastian at all. Most likely the only thing that was different for Sebastian today was that this time he’d called Kurt. Kurt wished he had any idea what to do aside from staying on the phone. “I would be upset, too,” he said. “It sounds like a miserable day.”

Just then, Kurt heard a knock at his door and then Carole's voice. “Is everything okay in there, honey?”

“Totally fine!” he shouted back, pulling the phone away from his face for a second.

“You need to go, don’t you?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt knew that he did have to go back to his family before they got too suspicious, but he wasn’t willing to just let Sebastian go. “Not yet,” he said. “I have a few more minutes. What’s going on with your air conditioner?”

Sebastian explained that his landlord was out of the country for a week and his air conditioning was making a lot of noise but not really cooling anything off. While he listened, Kurt pulled up facebook and was relieved to see that Trent was online.

Kurt Hummel:  
Are you free right now?

Trent Nixon:  
Study group. But what’s up?

Kurt Hummel:  
I’m on the phone with Sebastian but my family is here, so I can’t talk very long.

Trent Nixon:  
He’s having a bad day?

Kurt felt both relieved and a little guilty that Trent seemed to know what was happening immediately. He was hoping that Trent would be able to come up with a better solution, but the fact that he was so familiar with what was going on with Sebastian also made Kurt feel painfully unobservant. How much had he been missing?

Kurt Hummel:  
Yeah, he doesn’t sound very good.

Trent Nixon:  
Crap. Okay, give me a minute. I’ll text Alex and Jacques and see where they are.

Kurt knew from Sebastian’s stories that Alex and Jacques were his other two best friends, aside from Trent. Kurt wouldn’t have had any way to contact them, but he was really glad that Trent did.

Sebastian had just finished his rant about the air conditioner, so Kurt jumped back into the conversation. “If Boston weren’t so expensive, I’d tell you to spend the week in a hotel. It’s way too hot to have no air conditioning.”

“If I still knew anyone in this fucking city, I’d go stay with them,” Sebastian said wryly.

Kurt had never understood how Sebastian could have ended up with no friends in the city so quickly. He’d only been out of college for two years, after all. But Sebastian was Sebastian. When he said he didn’t know anyone, he probably actually meant he didn’t know anyone he’d be willing to call, which was different. “Turn the shower on cold and only leave it when you have to go to work?” Kurt suggested.

“Only if I didn’t have to do it alone,” Sebastian replied, and Kurt was relieved to hear the suggestive tone in his voice, even if it sounded strained.

Trent Nixon:  
Alex is calling him. He’s usually better at this than I am, anyways.

Kurt Hummel:  
Thanks Trent. Seriously.

Trent Nixon:  
Of course. It’s Sebastian, after all.

Apparently Alex worked quickly because almost immediately Sebastian said. “Oh, Alex is on the other line. I guess I should answer and let you get back to your family?”

Kurt still sort of felt like he was getting rid of Sebastian, but he didn’t know what else to do. It was completely unreasonable for him to worry about Alex not being able to handle the situation when Trent obviously trusted him. Clearly Alex and Trent had been dealing with this for quite a while. “If you want to talk to him, it’s probably for the best. But text me when you get off the phone with him?”

“I will. Sorry for the whole … meltdown thing.”

Kurt wanted to tell him that he wasn’t allowed to be sorry, that he could call any time and Kurt would try his best to pick up the phone, but it seemed like a little too much at this point. “Please. I’m basically the king of meltdowns. And I’ve been best friends with Rachel Berry forever. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Thanks, Kurt. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Talk to you later.”

As soon as Kurt hung up the phone, he buried his face in his hands. He knew that the point of getting off the phone was for him to go back to his family, but he needed a minute. He was trying to think back over the last year and figure out how he’d missed that things were this bad for Sebastian. It was obvious from the way Sebastian had sounded and the way that Trent had reacted that this wasn’t just one bad day.

He knew, of course, that Sebastian had been struggling to deal with his breakup with Tad when they’d met, and it had always been Kurt’s opinion that Sebastian wasn’t really over it. There was the job which definitely took more and more out of Sebastian as time went on. And Kurt had noticed that Sebastian’s sleep schedule was erratic at best. Certainly it all added up now that he knew, but he couldn’t think of any other point when he should have figured it out.

Kurt was interrupted by another knock. He sat up straight as Burt pushed the door open. “Oh, hey. I was just about to head back out there,” Kurt said as he started to get up.

“Stay put, kid,” Burt replied, and settled himself on Kurt’s bed. Kurt spun his computer chair around to face his dad. He had no idea what Burt wanted to talk about, but, after that conversation with Sebastian, he really wasn’t in the mood. It didn’t look like he was going to get a choice though.

Burt gave him a considering look for a moment and then said, “So, what’s up with you and this Sebastian kid?”

Well that was worse than he’d expected. He was going to kill Finn, or whoever had tipped Burt off to the exact nature of Sebastian and Kurt’s relationship, but it was probably Finn. “What’s up?” he said, for lack of a decent answer.

“Yes, Kurt. What’s up? Is this thing serious?” Burt crossed his arms and stared Kurt down, which made him feel almost exactly like a misbehaving sixteen year old.

“Serious? Dad, honestly, we’re not even in a relationship. I would have told you.”

Burt didn’t drop his interrogation look even a little bit. Kurt had a feeling his father didn’t believe him at all. “You took his call in the middle of our visit. I doubt you would have done that for just anyone.”

Sometimes Kurt wondered when exactly he’d gotten so transparent. He didn’t really think that the details were his father’s business, though. “He’s my friend, and I knew he wouldn’t have called unless it was important. That’s all.”

“I just don’t get it. I expected you to be looking for something long term by now,” Burt replied with a shake of his head.

Kurt sighed. He was so tired of people who’d ended up with the first or second person they’d dated asking him why he hadn’t figured it out. It was already getting to the point where his group of friends often made him feel like the last single person on earth. “Looking isn’t the same as finding, Dad.”

“True enough,” Burt said, and finally relaxing. “Just don’t get so wrapped up in something that isn’t the right thing that you miss the right thing when it comes along.”

Kurt nodded. He liked to believe he wasn’t doing that. He’d been going on dates over the last year; they just hadn’t led to anything. He knew that eventually he or Sebastian would find someone they really wanted to be with and they’d stop hooking up. He just didn’t see the point of ending things with Sebastian until then.

Apparently that was the end of the conversation because Burt stood up, stretched, and ushered Kurt back into the living room.

It was a couple of hours before Kurt heard from Sebastian again.

From Sebastian:  
So you’re conspiring against me with Alex now? You don’t even know Alex! How does this always happen to me? And I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that he’s badgered me into letting him visit me next weekend.

To Sebastian:  
I know Trent! And Trent knows Alex.

From Sebastian:  
He certainly does. Just know that I’ve got my eye on all of you.

To Sebastian:  
I’m making a note right now.

From Sebastian:  
Thanks again.

To Sebastian:  
Anytime.

* * *

 

**August 13 th, 2019**

Tuesday morning, Kurt learned the last of the music for Elder Price. On Thursday he was going to be sent back to do choreography and blocking again. He liked to imagine that, once all of that was done, he’d finally get a rest.

Before the show that night, Kurt was sitting at his table when Lucas came up and dropped into the seat beside him. “So, I hear I’m getting you back this week,” Lucas said.

“That’s what they say. I’m sure you missed me,” Kurt replied, smiling at Lucas.

Lucas laughed and pulled his feet up to rest his toes on the edge of Kurt’s chair. “I was pining,” he said, his eyes wide and serious.

Kurt just rolled his eyes and whacked Lucas’s leg lightly. “Just for the record, I know your type.”

Lucas winked at him, proving Kurt’s point. He was pretty sure Lucas had been flirting with him ever since Kurt had said that he didn’t have a boyfriend.

“So, Elder Price, huh? Aren’t you worried about being able to hit the high notes?”

Kurt laughed. Clearly Lucas had no idea. “I can hit any high note you want, any time you want,” he replied in a possibly slightly suggestive tone.

Lucas jumped out of the chair he had stolen and whispered, “I might take you up on that” into Kurt’s ear before heading over to his own mirror.

Kurt watched Lucas walk away and thought that it had been far too long since he’d engaged in harmless flirting. It was fun, even if the fact that Lucas was his dance captain made it a little bit unwise.

* * *

 

Lucas and Kurt left the theatre at the same time to face the stage door crowd. Because it was August and a lot of people were on vacation, weeknight crowds were still pretty sizable.

Kurt moved down the line signing programs until he got to the end, where he found a familiar face. “Hey, Frankie,” he said, grinning at her. “You’re late. It’s been more than a week!”

“My youth theatre’s summer show was last weekend! I was in tech; I have a good excuse!” she replied with a laugh as he signed her program. Kurt had actually gained a few more fans during the run of Next to Normal, but he would always have a soft spot for Frankie and her dedication to convincing everyone that Kurt was awesome.

“What show were you doing?” he asked.

“Rent,” she answered. “I was Maureen.”

Kurt gave her an incredulous look. “Rent? Wow, youth theatre is really different than it was when I was a teenager.”

“It was Rent: School Edition,” she said with a shrug.

That was definitely not something that would have existed in Kurt’s world. They hadn’t even been able to perform Rocky Horror. He couldn’t imagine what the reaction would have been to Rent. “What do they do? Cut the whole thing?”

“Mostly just the f-word.”

Kurt shook his head. Maybe it was the difference between New Jersey and Ohio, but he couldn’t imagine having the opportunity to do Rent as a teenager.

After Kurt took a picture with her, she said, “I actually had a question. I just put in my application for NYADA and, of course, I won’t even hear if I got an audition for months, but I’m already freaking out about what I should sing if I do. I was wondering if you had any advice.”

“Oh, god,” Kurt said with a laugh. That was definitely a loaded question, but, after three and half years at NYADA, he had an idea of what had gotten people in. “I’m assuming you’ll end up with Carmen Tibideaux if you audition in New York, so my best advice is that Carmen doesn’t care about the biggest, flashiest, most impressive thing you can sing.”

Frankie nodded and leaned towards him. He remembered that look. It was the same terrified, intense look he was pretty sure he and Rachel had both had at the beginning of their senior year. “Carmen wants you to bare your soul. She wants to see your damage. If you can do that and still sound fantastic, that’s your ticket.”

“Thanks, Kurt,” Frankie said, looking like she was already thinking through all of the songs she knew.

“And apply to more than one school,” he said with a laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’m applying to eight.”

Kurt figured she’d probably be fine. She was already better prepared than he had been. He hugged her before he left and found Lucas waiting for him at the end of the line.

As they started walking towards 49th and 7th, Lucas said, “So who was that you were talking to forever.”

“Oh,” Kurt said, with a slightly embarrassed shrug, “that’s Frankie. She’s my fan.”

Lucas laughed. “You have one single specific fan?”

“Pretty much. Or at least, if I have any others, it’s probably because she dragged them to see me in Next to Normal.”

“So she’s also your advertising agency?” Lucas asked and Kurt laughed and nodded in response. “Very impressive. I should totally get myself a fan.”

When they stopped to wait for the light to change, Kurt turned to Lucas and said, “Did you know that there was a Rent: School Edition?”

“I grew up in Salt Lake City. I barely knew there was a Rent period. We definitely wouldn’t have been doing it at school,” Lucas said with a shake of his head. Kurt probably should have realized that he would have been even less likely to have run into this than Kurt. Lucas was one of the Book of Mormon cast members who had actually been raised Mormon. It was more common than you’d expect.

As they reached the subway station, Lucas raised his eyebrows at Kurt in an obvious question. Kurt gave Lucas a coy smile and said, “Well if you’re coming with me, it’s the N or the Q uptown.”

* * *

 

**August 14 th, 2019**

The next morning, Kurt was woken up by a loud pounding on his bedroom door.

He rolled over onto his back and groaned. “What is it?”

Kyle opened the door and stepped in. He was wearing just the shorts he slept in, and it was clear he hadn't been up for long. “Are you aware that there is an incredibly perky lapsed Mormon in our kitchen with my fiancée?”

Kurt turned to look at the other side of the bed and processed for the first time that it was empty. Why did he always have to pick the early risers? “That's Lucas,” he said. “I brought him home to prove to him that I could hit much higher notes than the ones in ‘I Believe.’”

“Well, I'm sure you proved it!” Kyle said, with a snort.

“I don't know. I think I might still have to sing.” Kurt closed his eyes in hopes that Kyle would take the hint and leave.

He didn't. “I'm glad we're not being robbed by an incredibly polite burglar, but you should know that he seems to be bonding with Rachel.”

Kurt sighed. It wouldn't be the first time Rachel had made friends with someone he brought home, and it probably wouldn't be the last. “I work with him anyway,” Kurt said. “It's not like he's going to disappear.”

“Yes, about that whole sleeping with your castmates thing ...” Kyle said with obvious amusement.

“That was just 'welcome to the cast!' sex.” Kurt had already had this argument with himself and knew it wasn't his wisest choice to date, but he and Lucas were on the same page, so he didn't think it could hurt anyone.

Kyle shook his head, his smile fond but sleepy. “In that case, you can go back to sleep now.”

Kurt just groaned in response and buried his head back in his pillow. He was pretty sure that Kyle had been neither trying to protect him from Rachel's meddling nor concerned about how Lucas got there. It seemed a lot more likely that Rachel and Lucas had woken Kyle up with their chatter and that Kyle had decided that, if he was awake, Kurt would be, too. Luckily, Kurt was able to fall back to sleep quickly and grab a few more hours of sleep before his two-show day.

* * *

 

**August 15th, 2019**

Kurt had just gotten home from his show on Thursday night when his phone rang. He assumed it would be Sebastian, but the name that showed on the screen was Adam’s.

“Adam?” Kurt said when he picked up the phone.

“Of course not. It’s Andrew,” he heard his best friend say, sounding more than a little bit grumpy. Kurt hadn’t had a chance to talk to Andrew since he and Adam had left for England, so he had no idea how things were going.

“Why are you calling me from Adam’s phone at four in the morning?” Kurt asked as he walked down the hall to his room. He didn’t need to get murdered by Santana for waking her up if she was already asleep.

“His phone works overseas and mine doesn’t. Try to keep up.”

Kurt had been trying to keep up with how Andrew’s mind worked for six years. He didn’t think that he was going to start succeeding now. “So how’s your trip going?”

Andrew sighed. “Very confusing. England’s fantastic. I’m totally obsessed. But Adam’s family is odd.”

“Odd how?” Kurt asked, pulling his pajamas out of the closet.

“Well, first of all, I’m pretty sure I confuse them. Adam’s mother asked when he was going to visit my home town, and Adam tried to explain that the answer was ‘probably never’. She looked like she’d never heard of someone hating where they come from that much.”

Adam’s mother was a doctor, so Kurt imagined she’d heard of a lot of things, but she probably hadn’t expected it from her son’s boyfriend. Although, from the rumors Kurt had heard at NYADA about Adam’s serious college girlfriend, Andrew might have been the most well-adjusted person Adam had ever introduced to his parents. “Did it seem like she was judging you for it?”

“No, not really. She was just surprised. But seriously, Kurt, these people are terrifyingly functional. They’re divorced and still more functional than my parents by a mile. I think Adam and his parents are actually _friends_.”

Only Andrew would go off to visit his boyfriend’s parents and end up confused and upset at how normal they were. “Oh my _God_! Are you sure they’re not aliens?”

“Shut up. I went to bed at midnight to give Adam some time to talk to his mother and, I swear to god, they’ve been down there chatting and drinking wine for the last four hours. Every time I have to spend four hours with my parents, I end up sobbing hysterically or making an emergency visit to my therapist.”

“Yeah, but your therapist is thrilled at how much money they make her!” Kurt said with a laugh. At this point, he was mostly waiting for Andrew to get to the point he was clearly working towards.

Andrew’s voice sounded softer when he spoke again. “I just don’t know why anyone would want my parents in their life when they’ve been raised by parents like this.”

There it was. He wondered if the day would come when Andrew stopped seeing himself as damaged. “Sweetie, most people don’t think your father is a reason not to want you around, although sometimes we would rather he not be allowed around you. I think if you asked him, Adam would tell you that he’d put up with a lot more than that to get to have you in his life.”

“You don’t just ask people that,” Andrew replied.

Kurt had finally finished changing into his pajamas one handed, so he flopped down onto his bed. “You do if you need to hear it.”

“Why do you insist on being so level headed?”

“Because it’s not my relationship. Now go downstairs, retrieve your boyfriend, and go to sleep.”

Andrew giggled. “Fine, fine. You’ll tell the others I said hello and that I’m buying them all kinds of tacky souvenirs in London?”

“Of course. As long as you tell Adam I said hi after he checks his phone and notices that you called me at four in the morning.”

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Welcome to year 2? I hope you enjoy your stay.


	16. Chapter 16

**August 22 nd 2019**

Sebastian did, in fact, spend the next weekend with his friend Alex, and he seemed like he was better for not being alone, although Kurt couldn’t shake the feeling that he wouldn’t know if Sebastian wasn’t okay.

Andrew and Adam came home the following Wednesday, but, with Kurt’s two-show day, he didn’t get the chance to see them. Since Perks of Being a Wallflower starting rehearsal the following Monday, Kurt knew that their schedules would be out of sync with each other for a while, so he demanded that Andrew meet him for dinner on Thursday.

When Kurt showed up after his rehearsal, he found Andrew sitting with his head resting on the table. “Sit up, Andrew. You’re an adult.”

Andrew sighed and lifted his head. “Jet lag sucks, Kurt!”

“I’m familiar. But you owe me a lot of story about how the rest of the trip went, so stay awake.”

“Oh!” Andrew exclaimed, and then he grabbed a gift bag off the floor. “Open that when you’re back at the theatre.”

Kurt shrugged and stuck the bag under his chair. “Okay, so now I know you went shopping. Anything else you want to tell me?”

Andrew blushed and rearranged his silverware. “You may have been right about something.”

“This is a great story. Keep going,” Kurt quipped back.

“Apparently, Adam had to convince his mother that adopting me would only make things awkward,” Andrew replied with a grin.

Kurt laughed. That certainly would complicate Adam and Andrew’s relationship. “Now I get to say ‘I told you so,’ right? I knew they were going to love you.”

“Yeah, well …” Andrew tapped his knife on the side of the table a few times before he worked up to speaking again. “Apparently, Adam does, too.” Finally, Andrew looked up at him and smiled.

Kurt squeaked and reached out to grab Andrew’s hand across the table. “He told you? When?”

“It was one of the days we were staying with his father in London,” Andrew answered as he flipped his hand over so he could squeeze Kurt’s hand back. “We were at Westminster Abbey. I was dorking out about dead monarchs and stuff, and he was just watching me with that smile he gets. You know the one?” Kurt nodded. It was kind of an Andrew-specific smile, actually. “And then he just said it. So, you know, I said it back.”

Kurt probably could have gotten away with saying “I told you so” about that, too. But he decided to be nice. “I’m terribly shocked to find out you love him, Andrew. Really.”

Andrew stuck his tongue out in response, and Kurt smiled innocently back at him. Finally, Kurt conceded and said, “I’m really happy for you, sweetie.”

When the waitress came to set their food down, they both pulled their hands back. As soon as she was gone, Andrew said, “Do you ever get nervous when things are this good? I feel like I’m waiting for the catch.”

Kurt knew exactly what Andrew meant. “Usually, I’m terrified,” Kurt answered, earning himself a rueful smile from Andrew.

“So how has your week been?” Andrew asked.

Now it was Kurt’s turn to be nervous. He wasn’t sure he had any right to talk about Sebastian’s problems with anyone else, but he needed to talk to someone who would get it. He rearranged his food on his plate for a minute before he got on with it. “I think Sebastian’s not okay.”

Andrew’s eyes widened. He obviously hadn’t forgotten what “not okay” meant. It was a sort of verbal short hand that they’d developed back in college as Kurt and his friends had learned how frighteningly prevalent depression was in the theatre. “Shit,” he said. “What happened?”

“He called me Sunday and he just sounded … exhausted, I guess,” Kurt said, cutting his chicken a little angrily. “And it’s not like I thought he was happy. I’m not completely unobservant, but I didn’t think it was this bad.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over not knowing,” Andrew said, giving Kurt his sternest look. “You see him once a month. You wouldn’t have known until he wanted you to.”

Kurt knew that that was probably true. That’s why he was talking to Andrew in the first place: because Andrew knew what he was talking about when it came to this kind of thing. “What do I do now?”

Andrew took a sip of his wine and then put it down with a sigh. “You know what to do. Keep an eye on him in case things get worse, don’t treat him like glass, let him be happy when he’s happy, and be there when he asks you to be. Are you the only one who knows?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, Trent and his two other best friends seem to know.”

“Good. He’s got a lot of support, then. The rest is up to him.”

Kurt nodded. He wished there were something concrete he could do, but he knew there really wasn’t. After a minute of silence, he gently nudged the conversation back to Andrew’s trip.

Before they separated outside of the bar, Andrew pulled Kurt into a tight hug. “Your boy is going to be fine,” he said as they pulled away.

Kurt rolled his eyes. Apparently Andrew was starting this, too. “He’s not mine!” Andrew just winked and took off in the direction of the subway.

When Kurt got into the dressing room, he set Andrew’s gift bag on the table and unwrapped it. Inside, he found a matryoshka doll of Henry VIII where each subsequent doll was one of his six wives. Kurt was still laughing when his phone beeped.

From Sebastian:  
I'm insanely fucking horny and it's all your fault.

Kurt just rolled his eyes at the phone. It was like Sebastian had a sixth sense for when someone might be taking him too seriously.

To Sebastian:  
I've been rehearsing all day. How is it my fault?

From Sebastian:  
You retweeted that picture of you stretching.

Kurt had to laugh at that. One of the swings had decided that the world needed to know about Kurt’s flexibility during warm ups that morning. He was glad it was working for Sebastian, although he was sure Sebastian had better ways to deal with this than to text Kurt forty five minutes before the show.

To Sebastian:  
Oh. Well, if you're horny, you could go have sex.

From Sebastian:  
Won't work. You made me horny. You have to fix it.

Kurt wasn’t sure it worked like that.

To Sebastian:  
I can't fix it NOW. The show starts in 45 minutes.

From Sebastian:  
Call me after?

Kurt grinned at the phone. He’d always known Sebastian was smart.

To Sebastian:  
Well, it's a burden. But okay.

From Sebastian:  
Excellent. I'll just be here. Touching myself. Waiting for your call. For the next three hours.

Kurt’s eyes widened in shock and he shut his phone off, suddenly feeling like someone must have seen. Sebastian was an asshole. Kurt officially took back every nice thing he’d ever said about him. Besides, there was no way Sebastian was going to spend the entire night jerking off solely for the purpose of being incredibly distracting. Probably. Maybe. Kurt hated Sebastian.

* * *

 

**September 6 th, 2019**

On the first Friday in September, Kurt arrived home from Book of Mormon to find Andrew sitting on his kitchen counter with about seven different bottles of liquor in front of him as Sebastian watched in awe.

“Try it! It’ll change your life,” Andrew said, handing a glass to Sebastian, who was looking at the drink skeptically.

“Never drink anything that Andrew tells you will change your life,” Kurt said, leaning on the door frame.

Both men started and looked up at Kurt. Sebastian’s suspicious expression turned into a grin. “I did watch him make it.”

“Yeah, that’s not what worries me here,” Kurt replied, crossing into the room so he could pull the glass out of Andrew’s hand. “So where is everyone else?” Sebastian and Andrew hanging out alone in Kurt’s apartment was an odd sight.

Andrew held up five fingers and put one down as he listed off each one of their friends. “Santana and Lexie are out with Santana’s work friends. Kyle and Rachel went out for drinks with his cousins because they came to see Medea. Adam took a friend of his out to see the revival of Cats. I didn’t go for obvious reasons.”

“I guess that covers everyone,” Kurt replied, then he took a sip of the drink he’d stolen from Andrew. “Actually, that’s really good. How drunk would I be if I drank the whole thing?” Kurt handed the glass over to Sebastian.

“Like ‘take your pants off and dance on the bar’ drunk,” Andrew replied with a laugh.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “So what happened? You got bored around nine and decided to see how drunk you could get Sebastian before I got home?”

“He was languishing, Kurt. Imagine how lonely he must have been!”

“I’m still here, you know,” Sebastian said, looking amused rather than annoyed.

Andrew grinned and hopped off the counter. “Completely inarguable. I hate to leave you two, but there should be a hot British man at my apartment now, and that’s way more interesting than anything that’s going to happen here,” Andrew said and then waved at them both as he headed for the door.

“Not once you leave it won’t be!” Sebastian shouted after him.

“I’m always willing to watch and find out!” Andrew yelled back and then shut the door.

Sebastian shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m kind of afraid he means it.”

“He definitely does. He’d probably give running commentary, too.” Finally, Kurt dropped his bag, crossed the room in a few steps, and wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s waist. He felt Sebastian exhale against him as he buried his face in Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian hugged Kurt back just as tightly and rested their heads together.

After Sebastian’s call a few weeks ago, Kurt felt like he had just been waiting to see Sebastian again. For some reason, it seemed completely necessary for him to be sure that Sebastian was real and whole and still the same man who’d gone back to Boston in August. That, combined with Kurt’s own exhaustion, actually made him tear up a bit.

Sebastian must have noticed, because he pushed Kurt away from him enough to see his face. “What’s going on?” he asked, using his thumbs to wipe the moisture from Kurt’s eyes.

“I’m just so tired,” Kurt said, giving the short answer. “Doing the show on top of learning another role wears me out more than I expected.” Kurt didn’t say “I missed you” or “I was worried about you.” He was trying to pretend that the first wasn’t true, and the second wasn’t something Sebastian needed to hear.

“I know the feeling,” Sebastian said with a wry smile. Then he pulled Kurt close again for a kiss. Kurt responded by running his hands up Sebastian’s chest and into his hair.

After a minute, Sebastian pulled back. “If you’re really tired, we can just go to sleep …” he said.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian’s teasing. “Not a chance,” he replied, and then he grabbed Sebastian’s hand to drag him back to the bedroom.

* * *

 

**September 9 th, 2019**

Since the semester was only a few weeks old, Sebastian had successfully gotten Trent to join them at Fourth Wall on Monday night. Kyle and Rachel had volunteered to sing first, which meant Brad was once again kicked off his piano so that Kyle could play himself.

“Do you think Brad likes the break or is he secretly cursing Kyle?” Adam asked as they watched the pianist wander over to the bar.

Lexie rolled her eyes. “He’s probably plotting Kyle’s death. Kyle has always been a total piano hog.”

Up on stage, Rachel smiled at Kyle as she stepped up to the mic.

“They're going to do something gross, aren’t they?” Santana asked with a groan.

“Almost definitely,” Andrew replied.

Just then, Trent locked his phone and set it upside down on the table with a glare at Sebastian, who’d been leaning in to try to read over his shoulder as he texted. “Watch the performance, Sebastian,” Trent said in a warning tone. Sebastian’s only reply was to grin.

Kurt recognized the song as soon as Kyle started to [play](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/99943516341/steve-kazee-and-cristin-milioti-performing-falling). “ _I don’t know you but I want you all the more for that._ ”

Then Rachel joined him for “ _Words fall through me and always fool me and I can’t react._ ” The duet was very obviously well practiced. Rachel kept shooting small smiles at Kyle during the song, much to Santana’s annoyance.

Lexie and Andrew were up next. “You’d better not be doing a love song, too” Santana warned as Lexie pulled Andrew to his feet.

Andrew grabbed Lexie around the waist and posed dramatically. “Oh no! She knows about our secret affair! What if she tells Adam?”

Adam just shook his head at his boyfriend. “You expect me to be surprised at this point?”

“Not really. You’ve been assimilated,” Andrew replied and then grabbed Lexie’s hand to pull her up to the stage.

“He’s right, you know,” Rachel said to Adam. “Sebastian and Trent, too. There’s no going back now.”

“No!” Adam said in mock horror, reaching out and grabbing Sebastian’s arm.

Sebastian patted his hand in consolation. “That’s probably the worst thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“I refuse to count myself as assimilated until I start singing parts of my dissertation,” Trent said, crossing his arms.

Kurt rolled his eyes at all three of them and then he turned to watch Lexie and Andrew.

It became clear pretty quickly that they were not, in fact, singing a love song. Andrew started [them off.](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/99943990916/jared-gertner-kate-wetherhead-perform-sort-of) “ _I think this is sort of neat._ ”

“ _What?_ ” Lexie interrupted.

Andrew continued as if she hadn’t said anything. “ _You and I here to meet. It’s about as precious as precious can get. We’re both here and we’ve met at the Met!_ ”

They continued on with Andrew playing overzealously awkward to Lexie’s overworked and irritated, much to the amusement of the audience at Fourth Wall.

“The song is right. You really are a fucking weirdo,” Santana said to Andrew when they got back to the table.

Andrew gave her a mock curtsy before sitting down. “I like to own it.”

The two of them were interrupted when Trent’s phone rang. He swiped the screen to ignore it but stood up. “Sorry, I should go call him back.”

As Trent made his way out of the booth, Sebastian said, “Tell Alex that if he’s feeling sexually frustrated, I’m willing to visit any time!”

Trent just glared at him. “You’re not as cute as you think you are,” he said. Then he left to go outside.

Once Trent was gone, Sebastian looked back at the rest of them and realized they were all staring at him. “So … that wasn’t as weird as it looks. Alex is Trent’s ex.”

Kurt felt like he was missing a lot of important information. Sebastian’s best friend Alex was Trent’s ex? Or was this a different Alex?

“In what version of reality does that make this _less_ weird?” Santana asked.

“How did you even know who was calling?” Andrew added.

Sebastian shrugged. “Alex has been upset all day. He was going to call Trent eventually. Also that was Trent’s Alex face.”

The fact that Sebastian knew that Alex was upset made it obvious that it was the same person that had visited Sebastian a few weeks ago, but Kurt figured he’d confirm. “Isn’t Alex one of your best friends? He’s Trent’s ex?”

“Exactly!” Sebastian replied. “Which is why it isn’t weird!”

“I really don’t understand why you think you’re making progress here,” Rachel said.

Sebastian sighed. “That’s our thing. I hit on Alex. Alex makes fun of me for my futility. Trent pretends to be frustrated.”

“Are you sure he only _pretends_ to be frustrated?” Lexie asked, echoing what Kurt was thinking.

Sebastian looked affronted. “Of course I’m sure! We've discussed it. Trent knows there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell I’d make a move on Alex.”

Santana leaned towards Sebastian and gave him a wicked smile. “Not your type, huh?”

“Actually totally my type,” he said, reaching over and stealing her drink. “It’s just a dick move to try to sleep with the guy your best friend is going to marry.”

Kurt was starting to get a headache. This whole thing sounded like a complicated story and Sebastian was telling it badly. “Hold on. Didn’t you say Alex and Trent were exes?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian took another sip of Santana’s drink and then slid it back over to her. “Well, they’re only exes in theory.”

Apparently trying to follow Sebastian’s story was giving Kyle a headache too, because he said, “Sebastian, could you start this story from the beginning?”

Sebastian looked around the table. “I’m not making any sense, am I?” Everyone shook their heads. “Okay then. From the beginning. Alex is a PhD student at Yale. He started grad school our junior year of college, which is when he and Trent got together. They were together for about two years but when Trent moved to New York they broke up. They decided that they both needed to prioritize school and their careers, and they couldn’t do that if they were always trying to be together.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Adam said.

Kurt couldn’t decide if he agreed with Adam or not. He’d made a very similar choice once, but New Haven and New York were only two hours apart by train. And it didn’t sound like the separation had to be permanent.

Sebastian nodded. “It doesn’t for them, but they’re trying anyway. They were that couple who everyone roots for because they’re just that perfect. So of course they’re still completely in love. They’ll figure out eventually.”

Rachel leaned into Kyle a little, and he put his arm around her. “It doesn’t always work out the way you expect.” Kurt wondered if she was thinking of Finn. The two of them had been in a very similar position until Kyle had shown up and changed all the rules.

They were all quiet for a minute until Trent reappeared. He dropped into the seat next to Sebastian and then looked around the table. “What did I miss?”

“Sebastian was just trying to explain Alex,” Santana offered.

Trent didn’t seem bothered. He just rolled his eyes at Sebastian. “Don’t try to explain Alex; there is no explanation. He says he’s sorry to hear that you’re striking out so badly in Boston that you need to go to New Haven to get some, but he’s not interested in pity sex.”

Sebastian started laughing and pulled out his phone to text something. Then he turned to Trent and said, “Technically I wasn’t trying to explain Alex. I was trying to explain you, and he was the explanation.”

“Oh, well in that case …” Trent turned to the group, “everything Sebastian says is a lie.”

Santana snorted. “That’s probably the most accurate thing you’ve ever said.”

Trent looked up at the stage and said, “Oops, my turn.” Then he climbed out of the booth and headed for the stage.

Kurt was still trying to process the whole thing as Trent stepped up to the mic. Somehow, he kept forgetting that Trent had had an entire life since high school that Kurt knew nothing about. There was so much Trent and Sebastian knew about each other that Kurt couldn’t even begin to guess.

When Brad started playing, Kurt’s attention was drawn to the stage. Then Trent began to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/99944477186/lifelight-by-paper-aeroplanes). “ _You see the truth is that I’m simply useless at finding the right words to say. And your figures are frozen to notes you have chosen, letting the tune slip away. When you shine so bright, I can feel our eyes collide. Soon you’ll realize, why waste time?_ ”

A minute or so into the song, Kurt glanced over at Sebastian and saw him watching Trent with a contemplative look on his face.

When Trent came back to the table and sat down, Sebastian draped an arm around him. Kurt could just hear Sebastian say, “Are you pining?”

Trent leaned in to Sebastian. “How could you tell?” he said, giving Sebastian a small smile. “I just hate that I can’t be there for him.”

“You are there for him,” Sebastian replied, giving Trent’s shoulders a squeeze.

Kurt felt like he was intruding by listening in, so he turned to talk to Andrew about how rehearsals were going instead.

A few minutes later, it was Santana’s turn to sing. She looked far too pleased with herself as she stepped up to the mic, which made Kurt wonder what exactly [she was planning](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/99944891626/matt-deangelis-performs-she-and-i-by-alexander). “ _I wore a wife-beater to her birthday dinner. The invitation said that it was black tie. Still wore a wife-beater because it makes me look thinner. Even her parents said, ‘he’s one hell of a guy.’ But she didn’t care. She was just happy that I was there. Which is only slightly a problem because I want her to break up with me._ ”

Kurt heard Kyle snort into his drink when he realized what song Santana was singing. Then he patted Lexie on the back. Lexie just shook her head and buried her face in her hands. When the song ended, Andrew reached over to squeeze Lexie’s shoulder and said, “I think you have to listen to what she was trying to say. Not what she … said.”

Santana was back at the table a minute later. She sat down next to Lexie and grinned. Lexie rolled her eyes. “I’m seriously worried that you intended to dedicate that to me.”

Santana narrowed her eyes. “Hey! I said that you were the one! What more do you want?”

“Possibly not a song about how much I annoy you and you want me to break up with you?”

“You’re so particular,” Santana replied, taking a sip of her drink. Lexie watched her, looking resigned.

“They’re so cute, I can’t stand it,” Sebastian said, just a bit sarcastically.

Santana gave him the finger as everyone else laughed.

* * *

 

**September 22 nd, 2019**

A few weeks later, Kurt was officially rehearsed in as the Elder Price understudy. They all went out to dinner to celebrate on Sunday night. Perks of Being a Wallflower was going into tech the next week, so it was also a good excuse for them all to hang out before that happened.

It was a good night. It started with Rachel, Andrew, and Adam talking about Perks rehearsals and somehow wandered until it became a debate about whether Blaine’s character on Martian High, which had just returned for its second season, was bisexual. Rachel continued to be frustrated that Blaine refused to confirm or deny.

They were just thinking about ordering dessert, when Kurt turned to Rachel and said, “So I got an interesting email from Hadley Martin today.” Kurt had been sitting on this particular piece of information all night, and he enjoyed watching everyone’s attention snap to him when he spoke.

Hadley Martin was a big-name up and coming director. As a NYADA alum, she frequently directed the school’s shows when she wasn’t otherwise engaged. She’d cast Kurt in lead roles twice in his last two years at NYADA and had kept in periodic contact with him since he graduated.

“So I guess you really are one of Hadley’s people,” Andrew said, looking impressed.

Santana rolled her eyes. “Is whatever you’re going on about something I’d care about?”

“Probably not,” Kyle said with a laugh and then proceeded to explain anyways. “Hadley Martin is all about casting interesting people, and she’s considered a casting genius because of it. When she likes someone, she works with them whenever she can.”

“Congratulations, Kurt!” Santana said. “It took a decade, but you’ve been upgraded from weird to interesting.”

Kurt would have been offended, but it was a fairly accurate description of what had happened to him when he moved to New York. He didn’t mind being cast because he was different in this case; he knew that Hadley continued to work with him because he had proven how good he was.

“I’d tell you that we’re all painfully jealous, but I’m you already know,” Rachel said, crossing her arms. Kurt just grinned back at her in response.

“Are you going to tell us the contents of this email or just sit there looking like the Cheshire Cat?” Adam asked.

“I guess I could tell you,” Kurt said, still grinning. “She emailed because Ray and Oliver Lyman are doing a reading of their newest musical and she’s directing it.” The Lymans were a married composing team who had won the Tony for Best Original Score two years before. They were a few years older than Kurt and his friends, but still considered young and popular.

“Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister?” Kyle asked. He always seemed to know what everyone was working on. “What did she say about it?”

“She said that she thought the show was several years from being ready, especially with their other projects taking up time, but that they would be good people for me to know. So she asked me to be in the reading.”

Lexie looked at him thoughtfully and said, “Casper, right?” Kurt nodded. He wasn’t surprised that Lexie knew the characters in the book well enough to guess who Kurt would play. It always seemed like she’d read everything. “That’s a fantastic opportunity. You’re going to say yes, right?”

Kurt grinned. “As sad as I am to go back to being busy after just a month off, I have to.”

Kurt didn’t know if the show would turn into anything, but Hadley and Lexie were both right: even if it didn’t, the opportunity to make connections was too fantastic to pass up. He’d just have to live with being exhausted.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Andrew is someone with experience being depressed, not a licensed mental health professional, so that's where his advice comes from.


	17. Chapter 17

**September 29 th, 2019**

It was a fairly rare occurrence for Sebastian to call Kurt and actually sound excited, but that was exactly how he sounded when Kurt picked up the phone on Sunday night, a week before his next visit.

“You remember Jacques, right?” Sebastian said with almost no preamble. Jacques was Sebastian’s best friend from college. He was a varsity lacrosse player as well as being finance major. He’d graduated the year before Sebastian and moved to Indianapolis for work.

“Remember? Wouldn’t that imply we’ve met? No. But I do know who you’re talking about,” Kurt replied.

“The fact that you’re unreasonably literal is beside the point. He just took a job in New York! He’ll be back on the east coast before November first!”

“That’s great news!” Kurt said, although he couldn’t help but wish that Jacques’s new job was in Boston instead. He knew Sebastian would be happy to see Jacques more than once a year, but Sebastian had plenty of friends in New York. He obviously needed someone in the same city.

“I think so,” Sebastian replied. “I can’t wait for you to meet him. If only to watch you two try to figure out what on earth to even talk about.”

Kurt laughed. “Well, we have at least one almost endlessly fascinating topic in common …”

Sebastian was quiet for a second and then said, “I don’t know if I should be flattered that you find me endlessly fascinating or terrified of what you two will say.”

“Go with terrified,” Kurt said seriously as he rifled through the cupboards looking for something to make for dinner. He’d definitely have to go shopping, especially if he ended up feeding more than just Sebastian. “Speaking of me meeting your friends, what’s the plan for next weekend?”

“Do you still want to meet up with Trent and Alex after your show?” Alex had fall break the next week, so he was coming in to town to see Trent. Sebastian had decided it was the perfect opportunity for all of his friends to meet Alex

Kurt started pulling ingredients for risotto out of the cupboard. “Yep! We’re all still in. But we really do think you should just bring them back here. Trent’s place is too small.”

“I just don’t want to impose,” Sebastian replied.

Kurt sighed. He wished he could convince Sebastian that his roommates basically thought that Sebastian was a one-weekend-a-month resident. No one was going to have a problem with him bringing his friends back before Kurt got home. “We’re all friends with Trent. After last time, we’re definitely curious about Alex. No one is imposing. You know where the liquor cabinet is.”

“Are you going to make cheesecake?” Sebastian asked.

“I thought you said you _didn’t_ want to be an imposition,” Kurt said, but he pulled out a pencil and wrote the ingredients for pumpkin cheesecake on his grocery list.

Sebastian laughed. “For cheesecake, I’m willing to be anything.”

* * *

 

**October 4 th, 2019**

When Kurt got home from his show on Friday night, he found Sebastian and Santana standing in the kitchen, apparently arguing over the dozen bottles of liquor that were once again spread out on the counter.

Trent was sitting on one of the stools across from them with his arm around a skinny boy with light brown hair and glasses who must have been Alex. Before he said anything, Kurt stopped in the doorway to take stock of Trent’s ex-boyfriend. From what Kurt could see at this angle, Alex was definitely cute. He was wearing a red cardigan, white t-shirt, and tight jeans. It wasn’t an outfit that Kurt himself would have worn, but he appreciated that Alex’s clothing had a distinct perspective. He and Trent were whispering and laughing to each other as they watched Santana and Sebastian fight.

Kurt was standing there for about a minute before Sebastian realized he was there. As soon as Sebastian saw Kurt, his face lit up with a smile and he crossed the room for a quick kiss. When Sebastian pulled away, he took Kurt’s elbow and pulled him into the kitchen to introduce him to Alex. Kurt noticed that, as they shook hands, Alex gave him a considering look.

Once they’d been introduced, Kurt gestured to the counter full of liquor and turned to Sebastian. “Are you guys getting this ready for Andrew?”

“Not this time,” Sebastian answered.

“We’re arguing over what drink goes best with pumpkin cheesecake,” Santana interjected.

“And we’re watching them act like idiots,” Alex supplied.

Kurt crossed his arms and glared at Santana. “You weren’t supposed to tell them!”

“Unclench, Hummel,” Santana said with a snort. “I didn’t tell them anything. Sebastian knows how to open a fridge.”

“Fine,” Kurt said, although he didn’t stop glaring at her. “But we’re not having any cheesecake until everyone gets here, so make me a vodka cranberry.”

Sebastian poured Kurt’s drink while they waited for the rest of their friends to arrive. Perks of Being a Wallflower had just started previews that Tuesday, so Andrew, Rachel, and Adam were still getting into the swing of performing again. It took them a bit longer to get out of the theatre than it did Kurt, but they weren’t far behind him.

Once the others got there and were introduced to Alex, Kurt moved the cheesecake out to the living room. Everyone followed the food and spread themselves out on the furniture and the floor to chat while they ate.

After everyone had complimented Kurt on his baking skills, Rachel sat up straight and turned towards Alex. “So Alex, how did you and Trent meet?”

Alex had been watching Trent fondly while Trent and Sebastian argued over the Yale vs. Harvard football game. He clearly hadn’t been expecting anyone to talk to him, because he looked shocked when he heard his name.

“How did we meet?” Alex said, glancing back at Trent. “I might need help with that one.”

Trent laughed. “You start, and I’ll jump in when you mess it up.”

Alex shifted so that he was sitting up with his legs crossed. “Once upon a time, there was an innocent, unsuspecting Yale PhD student—ow!” Alex was interrupted by Trent whacking him on the arm. “Okay fine. We met during the first few months of my PhD. I’d basically moved into the library and kept accidentally bumping into Trent there. We hadn’t spoken much but, since he was doing so much research, I just assumed he was also a grad student. I thought he was cute, but I wasn’t actually paying that much attention to anything but school work.”

Trent jumped in at that point. “Of course I wasn’t actually a grad student. I was a junior doing undergrad research with a professor. And Alex wasn’t so much accidentally bumping into me as I was intentionally putting myself in his way whenever possible. Because I was definitely paying attention to him.”

“Trent texted me after the first time he spoke to Alex to tell me he’d just met the cutest guy ever and it was now his mission to make this guy his boyfriend. Didn’t seem to matter that he didn’t even know Alex’s name,” Sebastian added helpfully. Kurt was amused watching the interaction between the three of them. It was impossible to miss the connection between Alex and Trent; they were pretty much always touching in some way, and Alex never seemed to take his eyes off Trent for very long. The interesting thing was how easily Sebastian slotted in with them. Kurt imagined it was something like how he looked with Kyle and Rachel.

Alex blushed at Sebastian’s comment. “Can I keep going now?” he asked. Trent and Sebastian nodded so Alex continued. “I’d decided that I was too busy to date, so it took me a couple of weeks to get my head out of my ass and ask him out for a drink.”

“Which is when I had to admit that I was only nineteen,” Trent said, reaching out to squeeze Alex’s knee.

“How old were you, Alex?” Lexie asked from where she lay on the floor with her head in Santana’s lap.

Alex laughed. “I was only twenty two, but since he was an undergrad the rest of my cohort referred to him as my ‘jailbait boyfriend’ forever after. And the rest is history,” he said, shooting a fond look in Trent’s direction.

“Excellent group performance,” Santana said. “Do you tell it the same way every time?”

Alex grinned at her. “Nope, it’s all improv. If you like what you see, tips are appreciated!”

Andrew looked around the room. “Well, someone’s going to make the ‘like what you see’ joke, right?”

Sebastian raised his hand eagerly in response as everyone laughed except Trent, who threw several pieces of popcorn in Sebastian’s general direction.

When Kurt went to take a sip of his drink, he realized that it was empty. “I’m going to the kitchen. Anyone want a refill?” Pretty much everyone tried to hand their glass to Kurt simultaneously, so Sebastian jumped up with him to help him carry.

Kurt spread the glasses out in front of him and got started mixing drinks. Instead of helping, Sebastian just slipped up behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist. “You aren’t speeding up the process, you know,” Kurt said with a laugh as Sebastian pressed a kiss to the side of his head.

“That’s okay. Speeding up the process wasn’t really my goal,” Sebastian replied, but he did let go of Kurt and hop up on the counter instead. “So, what do you think of Alex?”

Kurt thought for a minute. He hadn’t quite worked through what he thought. “I like him, but he’s not what I expected,” he said finally.

“What did you expect?” Sebastian asked, scrunching up his face a bit in confusion. Kurt was momentarily distracted by how adorable it was.

“I’m not sure, exactly,” Kurt replied with a shrug. “Just not Alex, I guess.”

“You weren’t expecting an unwashed, underfed, nerdy hipster?” Sebastian asked, just as Alex appeared in the doorway behind him.

Alex winked at Kurt and then stepped into the room to say, “I object to every word of that.”

Sebastian startled and spun around on the counter to face Alex. “How can you possibly refute it?”

“Well first of all, I’m not underfed. You’ve seen my father; skinny is my genetic destiny,” Alex replied as he walked over to sit on one of the stools in front of Sebastian. “Second of all, unwashed is a total overstatement. I mean, I’m a PhD student, so I might occasionally have to choose between sleep and showering and I might pick sleep, but I don’t get carried away.”

Sebastian laughed and hopped of the counter so he could take the stool next to Alex. “You see, Kurt, Alex likes to say things to me like ‘sometimes I don’t shower’ in hopes that it’ll make me stop hitting on him, but he underestimates me.”

Alex just rolled his eyes. “Sebastian, I have told you so many things that I assumed would make you stop hitting on me, and none of them have worked. I gave up trying years ago.”

“My work here is done,” Sebastian said.

“As I was saying,” Alex said, giving Sebastian a pointed look. “I’m definitely not a hipster. The glasses are a prescription because I’m a farsighted grad student. And the sweater is obviously because it’s cold in my office!”

“And the ridiculously tight pants?” Sebastian said, glancing down at the garment in question.

“Yeah, because my pants being tight upsets you _so_ much …” Alex said, punching Sebastian in the shoulder.

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh at their antics. “You haven’t said anything about nerdy,” he pointed out.

“Well, unlike Sebastian, I’m not a compulsive liar. So I can’t really refute that.”

Kurt ended up taking the drinks back to the living room, leaving Alex and Sebastian in the kitchen to argue about whether Sebastian had honesty issues.

Ten minutes later, Sebastian and Alex still hadn’t come back, so Kurt went looking for them. He found them still sitting where he left them. Alex had his arm wrapped around Sebastian and Sebastian was resting his head on Alex’s shoulder. There was a vulnerability to Sebastian that took Kurt’s breath away. Kurt had seen Sebastian upset, exhausted, happy, excited, angry, horny, and even asleep, but he’d never seen Sebastian look so unguarded. Kurt could tell that they were having a serious conversation, so he slipped back into the living room without interrupting them. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder what on earth they’d been talking about.

Once Sebastian and Alex reappeared, Rachel and Lexie started a campaign to convince Trent to bring Alex to Fourth Wall on Monday night. Sebastian had sprawled over the loveseat Kurt was sitting on, resting his head in Kurt’s lap. The alcohol was starting to really hit Kurt, so he was content to play with Sebastian’s hair and let the rest of his friends win Trent over.

Not long after he’d agreed to Fourth Wall, Trent came over to the couch Kurt was sharing with Sebastian. “Leaving early?” Sebastian asked.

“Well, Alex is really tired. Grad school gets to you, you know,” Trent replied, glancing back at his ex-boyfriend with a smile.

Sebastian snorted. “Yeah, use a condom.”

“Hey! You don’t know that we’re going to—” Trent was still whispering, but it was obviously from his tone that he was flustered. Kurt thought about rescuing Trent from Sebastian, but he was just a little too tipsy and sleepy to work himself up to it.

“Come on, Trent. He keeps giving you ‘get me out of here so I can get you naked’ eyes,” Sebastian replied, gesturing over to Alex who was definitely watching Trent a little intensely.

“That’s a lot to say with one look, Sebastian,” Trent said, crossing his arms.

Sebastian shrugged, which felt weird to Kurt considering the way that Sebastian was lying on him. “Still true.”

Trent sighed and then smiled. “Fine, yeah, okay. I’m leaving early to go get lucky with my super adorable ex-boyfriend. Whatever. Say goodbye, Sebastian.”

Sebastian reached an arm out, and Trent took the hint to pull him to his feet. Kurt whined a bit when Sebastian moved, because he’d been comfortable and Sebastian was warm.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Sebastian said with a soft smile, and then he crossed the room to hug his friends goodbye.

Trent and Alex leaving started a flurry of goodbyes as Adam and Andrew followed them out and Rachel and Kyle announced that they were going to head to bed. “I think you’re going to have to move, Kurt,” Santana said to him, from her spot on the floor.

“I think you’re going to have to move,” he replied grumpily. Actually, going to bed sounded like a great idea, but it took so much effort to get there.

Santana made a noncommittal noise and then looked over at where Sebastian and Lexie were huddled in conversation. “They’re conspiring against us, aren’t they?” she asked.

Kurt nodded. “Maybe if we fall asleep first, they won’t get to enact whatever their diabolical plan is?”

“There is no diabolical plan,” Lexie said, walking over to Santana. “We were just trying to figure out if we were going to have to let you two sleep here.”

“No, I’d be really sad in the morning,” Kurt said, taking Sebastian’s proffered hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

As Sebastian herded Kurt in the direction of his bedroom, he leaned down to whisper, “If it’s too much work, you can feel free to skip putting on pajamas.”

* * *

 

**October 5 th, 2019**

On Saturday, Sebastian and Trent took Alex to see Kurt in Book of Mormon and then the three of them went backstage to visit him. Kurt was able to give them a bit of a tour, which amused Alex. When Kurt asked Trent why, Trent explained that Alex really liked to know how things worked.

While Kurt was getting ready the next day, Lucas grabbed the seat next to him and said, “So, I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend. Is he new?”

Things hadn’t been at all awkward between Kurt and Lucas, but Kurt understood why he would be concerned to find out that Kurt wasn’t single. Although, from his tone, it actually sounded like Lucas was there for the gossip.

“Oh my God,” Kurt said. “Not you, too. Did the guys get together and vote on you to ask me about this?”

“Of course not!” Lucas said, pressing his hand to his heart and giving Kurt a look of mock horror. Then he grinned. “But they did tell me to report back!”

Kurt sighed. “I assume you’re referring to the tall one?” He had a feeling there was no way the guys had thought he was dating Trent or Alex.

“That’s him! He’s hot. I hope you’re dating him,” Lucas said with enough energy that Kurt wondered if he should be worried about Lucas’s caffeine intake.

“Nope,” Kurt replied. “Not dating him.”

“Oh,” Lucas said, looking a little disappointed. “But then what was the hand holding about?”

Kurt fought the sudden urge to rest his head on the table until Lucas went away. “We’re just … really touchy friends.” He figured that wasn’t even completely a lie.

Lucas stood up so that the owner of the chair next to Kurt’s could sit down. “Well, you should get in there, Kurt. Seriously. But if you’re not planning to, most of the guys want his number.” Kurt just stared after Lucas, completely floored.

To Sebastian:  
Apparently the entire cast of Book of Mormon wants me to either sleep with you or give them your number.

From Sebastian:  
You shouldn’t tell me things like that. They’ll go straight to my head.

From Sebastian:  
But, for the record, I agree with the cast. I prefer the former, but the latter is fine, too.

* * *

 

**October 7 th, 2019**

Kurt was surprised when, almost as soon as they arrived at Fourth Wall, Adam declared that he was going first and walked up to the front to sign up. Adam seemed tense and uneasy in a way that Kurt had seldom seen him. When Sebastian had gone to grab the first round of drinks, Andrew had told him to make Adam’s a double.

By the time Sebastian was back with the drinks, Adam was on stage. As soon as the [music](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100114904361/emma-hunton-performs-i-could-never-save-you-by) started, he began to sing. “ _Here we are again, back where we began. Still the same two people we always used to be._ _You’re at a loss. You want some kind of plan. I don’t know why it’s always up to me. I could never save you, even if I wanted to._ ”

Kurt’s eyes widened in shock; he knew this song. Adam had been singing it since before they met. Kurt had only seen him perform it once, but the NYADA gossip hounds had been all too happy to make sure Kurt knew what it was about. As soon as they got wind that Adam and Kurt were even sort of a thing, they’d been quick to describe his trainwreck ex-girlfriend. Kurt had ended up trying to condense all their stories into something resembling the truth. He knew for sure that she and Adam had dated for nearly two years, that she’d slowly gotten more out of control and reckless as time went on, and that Adam had very nearly lost himself trying to help her. Kurt also knew that she’d dropped out of NYADA not long after Adam had finally ended it.

Somehow, the whole mess had contributed significantly to Adam’s unpopularity with certain groups at NYADA. Kurt couldn’t figure out why Adam had brought the song back now, though.

When Adam got to “ _I don’t know why some dreams have to die_ ,” Kurt turned to Andrew and asked, “Jackie?”

Andrew sighed and glanced up at his boyfriend. “Manipulative fucking bitch,” he said, which was a seriously alarming sentiment coming from him. Kurt had a feeling that Andrew had heard a lot more of Adam’s side of the story and had not been happy with what he’d heard. “We ran into her at brunch. She’s dating—or, more accurately, leaching off of—one of Adam’s cast mates from Newsies. She’s the same as she’s always been.” Kurt understood Adam’s anger now. Running into her had to have been bad enough, but finding out that she was dating someone Adam cared about was much worse.

Adam finished the song, and everyone applauded. “I think he’ll be okay now that he’s had a chance to let off steam,” Andrew said into Kurt’s ear.

When Adam got back to the table, he took stock of everyone’s puzzled expressions. “Bumped into the ex-girlfriend from hell today,” he explained as he sat down.

“Good thing Andrew ordered you a double then, isn’t it?” Kyle said, pushing Adam’s drink towards him and releasing the tension at the table.

They fell into easy conversation for a while before it was Kurt’s turn to sing. “Are you guys going to sing something happy? The tone is a little dramatic here.” Lexie asked as Kurt, Andrew, and Rachel stood up.

“Depends on your definition,” Andrew replied, reaching over to grab one more sip of his drink before heading to the stage.

Kurt took the center mic, letting Andrew and Rachel flank him, as the music began [to play](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100115544046/jay-armstrong-johnson-alex-brightman-and-lindsay). “ _He was too young to die, but the fairy did, the fairy did. Barely learned how to fly, just a fairy kid, a fairy kid. And though they poisoned him that hateful night, ripped of his wings and put out his light, children still hear our dear recite the fairy words of the fairy fight_.” Kurt enjoyed singing this song. He sang it as an anthem, with Andrew and Rachel backing him up.

“So what I’m getting is that the three of you will die without applause,” Sebastian said, as they climbed back into their seats.

“I’ve been saying that my entire life,” Rachel replied. Kurt laughed because she had certainly been saying it as long as he’d known her.

Sebastian borrowed a guitar from the band for his song. The [melody](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100116094021/let-her-go-by-passenger) he played was familiar, although Kurt couldn’t pinpoint it. “ _Well you only need the light when it’s burning low, only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go._ ” The song was sweet and melancholy. Kurt had a feeling that it fit well with Sebastian’s mood lately.

Trent and Alex both watched Sebastian intensely. Alex leaned in to whisper something to Trent, and Kurt had a feeling that they were trying to figure out the same thing he was: whether or not Sebastian was singing this song about something—or someone—in particular. A part of Kurt was worried that Sebastian was once again singing about Tad. Kurt knew how hard it was to get over the person you’d thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, but he wished that Tad could stop being one more burden that Sebastian had to bear.

“Sebastian, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but your repertoire is a little depressing,” Alex said when Sebastian arrived back at the table.

“I’ll make a note,” Sebastian replied with a laugh.

Trent waited a second for Sebastian to get settled and then said, “Okay, but now I really want to do an a capella arrangement of that song.”

Sebastian groaned. “It’s been driving me fucking insane. I’d do it in a second if I had a group to sing it with.”

“Why don’t we have a large a capella group at our beck and call?” Trent asked with a sigh.

Kyle looked at the two of them thoughtfully. “You know, I don’t think that even I’ve ever had a frustrating need to do an a capella arrangement. You guys are nerds.”

“Oh god, you should hear them when they get going,” Alex said, resting his head in his hands. “They can fight about background vocals for hours.”

“You can argue about your research for hours and no one even has to argue back!” Trent said, bumping Alex’s shoulder with his own and making Alex grin up at him.

The two of them spent a few moments just smiling at each other, seemingly lost in their own private world until Lexie interrupted. “So what are you researching, Alex?”

Alex jumped a little bit at the mention of his name and then laughed. “Oh, my dissertation is on transgender youth and how their parents’ reactions affect them with respect to a variety of outcomes.”

“Sounds interesting,” Kyle said. “How’d you get involved with that?”

Alex looked a bit befuddled at the question. He turned to Trent and said, “Did you not tell them?”

“It didn’t really come up,” Trent replied with a shrug.

“Oh,” Alex said. “Well you know you can tell them, right?”

Trent gave Alex a pointed look. “Do you want me to tell them now? Or are you going to go ahead?”

Kurt couldn’t help but be amused by the two of them. He turned to Sebastian and said, “Do you think they know we can hear them?”

Sebastian laughed, but there was something not quite easy about the way he was holding himself. “At this point, I’m pretty sure you’ve already told them.”

Alex looked at Sebastian and then around the table. “Oops,” he said with a laugh. “So I’m trans. Which makes the whole thing sort of a natural choice.”

Kurt glanced between Trent and Sebastian and noticed that they were both a little uneasy. They were shooting unmistakable “don’t mess this up” looks at the rest of their friends. Kurt slipped his hand off the table and ran it down Sebastian’s forearm so that he could lace their fingers together. Sebastian relaxed a little.

Lexie nodded and said, “Makes sense. Does the personal connection make it easier to give up being a functional human being for it?”

Alex laughed. “Maybe a little? I’m a fifth year now, so I’m not actually sure I have any memories of normal life.”

The conversation drifted after that, but Kurt tuned it out for a little while to contemplate Sebastian. Kurt was surprised to find out that Alex was trans, but if he was going to be honest, part of that surprise was tied to the way he and Sebastian interacted. Kurt didn’t spend much time anymore thinking about Sebastian as a teenager. The only time that information from high school was relevant to their relationship these days was when they talked about the past. Every once in a while, though, it really hit Kurt that Sebastian was living proof of how much a person can grow up.

Kurt had a feeling that teenage Sebastian, who had thrown effemiphobic insults at Kurt without even thinking, wouldn’t have been a very good friend to someone who was trans. Although, in retrospect, teenage Kurt hadn’t done much better.

“Hey, where did you go?” Sebastian asked, breaking Kurt from his contemplation.

“I was thinking about you,” Kurt replied with a smile.

Sebastian laughed and wrapped his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. “You can spend time thinking about me when I’m not here. You have the real thing right now!”

“Perhaps the real thing is a lot less appealing,” Kurt replied with a teasing smile.

Sebastian glared at Kurt and started to pull his arm away, but Kurt stopped him with a quick kiss. Sebastian gave up on pulling away after that. Instead he just huffed and said, “Fine, but you owe me for that one later.”

They rejoined the conversation, and a few minutes later Kyle, Santana, and Lexie got up to sing. For their performance, Kyle had ceded the piano to Brad and taken the mic instead. He and Lexie stood on either side of Santana who started the [song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100116874521/krysta-rodriguez-jeremy-jordan-and-andy-mientus) off, sounding intense and angry. “ _When you’re walking in the darkness, somewhere lost and far away, you’ll be reaching for an answer. You’ll be calling out my name._ ” She sang through the first verse and chorus and then Kyle took over, with Lexie joining him after a few lines. By the end, all three of them were singing.

“They sound great together,” Andrew said. “Perhaps we should force them to form a world-famous band and then become their posse.”

“Wouldn’t work,” Rachel said. “Lexie would get an idea for a new musical in the middle of a sold out concert and sit down right on stage to start writing.”

“And after five minutes, she would have dragged Kyle into it, and Santana would be telling them both off!” Kurt added with a laugh.

“What are you idiots cackling at?” Santana asked when she, Kyle, and Lexie got back to the table.

Andrew gave her his most innocent smile. “You guys, mostly.” Santana responded by flicking an ice cube from her drink at him.

Alex looked over at Trent with a smile. “I have to say, I think you friends are just a bit too serious.”

Trent grinned back at him. “Are you saying you want to cheese this thing up?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Alex replied. He stood up and offered Trent a hand up. “We’ll be back.”

“So, I’m guessing this means Alex can sing, too?” Andrew asked Sebastian.

“He can,” Sebastian replied with a grin. “He doesn’t much anymore, but he had a band in college.”

“What did he play?” Kyle asked.

Sebastian laughed. “Base in his band, but he also played the tuba in high school. He was even smaller back then, so there are some really great pictures of him with an instrument twice his size.”

When Trent and Alex reached the stage, Trent introduced them both. “Hi guys! I just wanted you all to meet my ex-boyfriend, Alex!”

Alex gave a wave in response. Sebastian groaned and rested his head in his hands. “You see what I put up with?” Kurt couldn’t actually have said that he did, although he had a feeling it had something to do with Trent’s extreme perkiness.

“Now we know this song is a giant cliché,” Trent continued. “But we’re going to sing it anyways!” Then he smiled at Alex and began [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100117633956/taylor-trensch-and-ben-thompson-perform-ill). “ _Live in my house, I’ll be your shelter. Just pay me back with one thousand kisses. Be my lover, and I’ll cover you.”_

Alex took the next line. “ _Open your door. I’ll be your tenant. Don’t got much baggage to lay at your feet, but sweet kisses I’ve got to spare. I’ll be there and I’ll cover you._ ” Alex had a nice voice. He didn’t sing Collins’s part in the original key, but the song still worked, and the two of them were obviously having fun.

Kurt laughed when Sebastian and Santana rolled their eyes at the song choice almost simultaneously. “How are you even friends with these people?” Kurt asked Sebastian. “It seems like the concentrated adorable should have killed you by now.”

Sebastian just sighed. “I keep telling them that, but Alex assures me it isn’t actually possible to die of having dorky friends.”

Trent and Alex got a healthy round of applause and a few wolf whistles when they kissed at the end. When they got back to the table, Andrew said “You two are the worst exes I’ve ever met” in a slightly awed voice.

Both of them grinned. “Alex never does anything half way,” Trent explained. “So if we were going to be bad at it, we had to be the worst.” Everyone else at the table nodded as if this made sense, but Kurt was pretty sure that what Trent and Alex were doing was the definition of doing something half way.

“No one told me it was gay stereotype day at the bar,” Sebastian said.

“Hey!” Alex said, looking offended. “I’m not even gay!”

“No, but your song choice is,” Sebastian replied with a wink.

Lexie looked excited. “Wait, you’re not gay?”

Santana groaned. “Oh, here we go.”

Alex looked between the two of them in confusion. “No?” He said. “I’m pan?”

“Excellent.” Lexie said. Then she reached a fist out for Alex to bump.

Alex obliged, but he still looked wary. “Why are we excited?”

“Because now you can join the club!” Lexie replied, as if this should have been obvious. “With Kyle, Adam, and I.”

Kyle nodded and said, “Yes, we gather to discuss the fact that people are really attractive.”

“And complain about bi-erasure,” Adam added seriously.

Alex smiled at the three of them. “Awesome. I’ll bring donuts.”

Sebastian leaned in to whisper in Kurt’s ear. “Do they really have a club?”

Kurt shook his head. “I honestly no longer even know what’s real. It seems as possible as anything else.”

* * *

 

**October 21 st, 2019**

It was after 8pm when Kurt got home from his last rehearsal for Confessions of an Ugly Step Sister. He rested his head against his front door for a moment in exhaustion and then twisted the key in the lock.

When he walked through the door and saw all three of his roommates relaxing on the couch and watching a movie, he sighed loudly.

Kyle grabbed the remote and hit pause as soon as he heard Kurt, then they all turned around to stare at him. Kurt knew it was a bad sign. There was no way on earth he should be that interesting.

“There’s something for you in the kitchen,” Kyle said, making Kurt even more suspicious. He changed direction in order to go find out what they were on about, and they all got up and followed him.

When he got to the kitchen, he found a fairly large box sitting on the counter addressed to him from Sebastian. Kurt picked up the box and started to walk back towards his room.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Rachel asked.

Kurt turned around and glared at them all. “I’m going to my room. I don’t trust you,” he said gesturing at them with the box. “And I don’t trust him.” Then he walked down the hallway and shut his door in their faces.

Before he opened the box, Kurt put his stuff down and changed. He was incredibly curious about what Sebastian might have sent him, but the lure of his pajamas was stronger.

Once he was changed, he plopped down on the bed next to the package and cut through the tape with a pair of scissors. The first thing Kurt found when he opened the box was an envelope with his name on it. He pulled the card out and saw that the front said, “This card does not contain nudity, sex, or naughty language.” The inside of the card said, “These things I will deliver in person.” Kurt started laughing. It was hard to imagine Sebastian sending him a more perfect card. Written below the text was a message in Sebastian’s precise handwriting.

“Dear Kurt,

            I figured you might need a pick me up after another exhausting week. But I couldn’t think of a pick me up, so I sent you this package instead.  
                                                                                                –Sebastian

P.S. Joke about delivering a different kind of package in person goes here.”

Kurt couldn’t even decide if he was excited or terrified to find out what Sebastian thought would make him feel better. He pulled the layer of brown paper off the top of the box to reveal four large bags of coffee beans, two mocha and two French vanilla. Kurt brought one of the bags up to his nose and inhaled deeply. The coffee smelled ridiculously good, and Kurt decided that Sebastian was doing well so far. The next things in the package were three bags of sugar free Ricola, Kurt’s cough drop of choice. They were incredibly timely, because Kurt was going through a lot of them. After that, Kurt found two boxes of cookies from a bakery with an address in Boston. One of the boxes of cookies said “For Kurt” and the other one said “For everyone,” which made Kurt laugh. Apparently, Sebastian knew that Kurt probably wouldn’t have gotten any cookies if he had to share them with his roommates. He couldn’t think of a reason not to eat one immediately, and he groaned out loud when he did. The cookie was _amazing_.

Of course, since the first three things had been pretty normal, the next thing Kurt pulled out would be a children’s window garden kit. There was a sticky note on the kit that said “don’t forget to water!” Of course Sebastian would find a way to send him plants. Kurt never would have expected to associate Sebastian Smythe with growing things.

The last item in the box completely validated Kurt’s choice to open the box in private. It was a fairly sizeable bottle of lube. Kurt just shook his head. Some things about Sebastian were entirely predictable.

As soon as he verified that there was nothing else in the box, Kurt pulled out his phone and called Sebastian. “You mailed me a giant bottle of lube,” he said in lieu of a greeting.

“Hey! I just figured that, with all the stress in your life, you might need to take the edge off. And I’ll even altruistically volunteer to let you call me any time you need help with that,” Sebastian said, and Kurt could practically hear the grin in his voice.

Kurt snorted. Sebastian’s idea of how to make Kurt relax would be to offer sex. Not that Kurt disagreed. “Well, thanks for being so charitable.”

Sebastian hummed a little. “Yes, that’s what they say about me. Always thinking of others.”

“Actually, I think they were saying that you’re always thinking of others _naked_ ,” Kurt replied.

“Probably true,” Sebastian said through his laughter.

“Seriously though, Sebastian,” Kurt said, his voice earnest. “Thank you so much. I really needed … well I really needed something like that.”

“I just didn’t want to lose you to something preventable like coffee withdrawal,” Sebastian said, but he sort of missed the joking tone that Kurt figured he’d been aiming for.

Kurt couldn’t help but wonder, at least a bit, what had caused Sebastian to decide to do this. It felt like a lot, but he wasn’t sure if it was supposed to. Maybe Sebastian sent care packages to Alex and Trent all the time. If he did, they probably even contained lube. He didn’t know how to ask Sebastian what it meant, so instead he asked about work.

“So how is Confessions going?” Sebastian asked, once they’d exhausted the topic of his job.

“Really good! I mean Hadley was right when she said that it was a long way off. I’m not sure it really knows what it is yet, if that makes sense?” Kurt said, as he pushed the box to the floor so that he could stretch out on top of his comforter.

Sebastian laughed. “It makes you sound like you think the musical is sentient, but yes.”

“Musicals are people, too,” Kurt replied, enjoying the sound of Sebastian laughing again. “It definitely has good bones. Some great moments; some songs that will be great. It’s just hard to say what it’s going to come together as.”

“But you’re enjoying it?” Sebastian asked.

“Definitely. I’m tired, but I’ve met a lot of important people. And we’re having fun with it.” Kurt was definitely happy with his decision to do the show. Working with Hadley again was great, he was really bonding with the cast, and the Lymans seemed really impressed with him, which was exciting.

He spent another hour on the phone with Sebastian before Sebastian told him to go to bed. Kurt put up a token argument that Sebastian never went to bed when Kurt told him to, but Kurt did have two performances of Confessions and then the evening performance of Book of Mormon to get through the next day.

Before Kurt actually went to sleep, he wandered back out to the living room so that he could tell his roommates about how the reading was going.

Kurt set the “for everyone” box of cookies on the table and said, “Sebastian says hi.”

His roommates dived into the cookies with gusto. Once they all had some, Santana looked over at Kurt thoughtfully. “So Smythe mailed you cookies.”

“Well, he mailed us cookies,” Kurt said, for the sake of accuracy. If Sebastian had only mailed _him_ cookies, Santana wouldn’t be eating any.

Santana popped a cookie in her mouth and chewed it while staring at Kurt. Once she swallowed she said, “Well. Congratulations, Kurt. You are well and truly fucked.”

Kurt just rolled his eyes at her. He’d known her for a decade, and still he had no idea what she was talking about most of the time.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALEX! You have no idea. Well you have some idea. But you'll have more of an idea if you read the [bonus backstory fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2462510) about Alex and Trent!
> 
> (Also Alex's fall break is one of the total factual liberties I've taken. Yale only has a couple of days and they're later in the month. HOWEVER, this is 2019, so technically they could change in the next five years...)
> 
> [Here's](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/69845235855/best-of-funny-titan-huntress-omg-x) Sebastian's card and [here's](http://www.yoyo.com/p/green-toys-indoor-gardening-set-15174?site=CA&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc_Y&utm_term=GY-007&utm_campaign=Google&noappbanner=true&CAWELAID=1324479991&utm_content=pla&ci_sku=GY-007&ci_gpa=pla&ci_kw=%7Bkeyword%7D) Sebastian's gardening set.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how deliciously pleased with myself I was when I thought up one section of this chapter. You'll know which one.

**October 31 st, 2019**

When Kurt had originally heard that Perks was opening on Halloween, he’d told Rachel and Andrew that it didn’t make any sense. Andrew insisted that it did make sense because of the Rocky Horror sections and suggested that Kurt come as Riff Raff. Naturally, Kurt had been forced to hunt down Santana for showing anyone those pictures.

Despite his skepticism about the choice of opening date, Kurt had taken that night off from Book of Mormon to be Andrew’s official plus one. Through a combination of plus ones and the fact that Lexie and Kyle were the kind of people who actually got invited to Broadway opening nights, they managed to get all of their friends to the opening, including Trent. Trent had given a token protest, but they’d easily convinced him that he could afford to sleep through his Friday class one time.

Kurt had been to one Broadway opening before, also as Andrew’s plus one. Andrew had made his Broadway debut while Kurt was a senior at NYADA, and he’d asked Kurt to be his date. It had been a long time ago, though, so the experience of going to opening night was still exciting for him.

Since Rachel wasn’t around to do it, Kurt ended up fussing with Kyle’s suit. “Wear the emerald striped tie. I’m serious,” he said, leaning on Kyle’s door frame.

“Don’t worry; I know you never joke about tie color. Are you sure I shouldn’t do black on black?” Kyle asked, holding both ties up to his black suit and white shirt.

“I’m sure. Color is always the right choice for you. Give me the tie.”

Kyle handed it over so that Kurt could tie a fancier knot than Kyle could have managed on his own. “I don’t think anyone is going to notice how I knot my tie, Kurt.”

“You realize this is an event full of theatre’s most important gay men, right?” Kurt asked with a laugh. Kyle gave up and let Kurt smooth out the shoulders of his jacket.

Once Kyle was adjusted to Kurt’s satisfaction, he looked Kurt over and said, “You look amazing, by the way.”

Kurt was wearing a medium-blue suit with a white shirt and black tie. Amazing had been what he was going for. “Thanks, Kyle. Just remember, you’re married.”

“Engaged,” Kyle corrected.

“Pretty sure you can only be engaged for so long before you’re married by default,” Kurt quipped. Kyle responded with a sigh and a roll of his eyes. “Is it weird to be nervous about tonight?” Kurt asked, changing the subject.

Kyle shrugged. “Depends on what you’re nervous about.”

Kurt thought for a minute before replying. “I guess I’m nervous for them, not for the performance; I know how good they are. But the reviews …”

“I think it’s pretty normal to be nervous about the reviews, even when they aren’t yours. They’re such a crapshoot,” Kyle said. “I can’t tell you how many times reviewers have made comments on someone’s singing that were blatantly wrong.”

“And I think you might know a bit more about music than they do,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

Kyle snorted. “I like to imagine so. Here’s hoping they get it right this time.”

The show was especially electric that night. It had seen several changes since its Off-Broadway run, and Kurt thought it was a much tighter production. The cast, unsurprisingly, was on fire.

They’d only been at the after party for half an hour when the reviews started to come out. Kurt was sitting at a table with Adam and Andrew, and they could feel the tone of the room start to shift around them. Kurt gave up on waiting and pulled out his phone to bring up the _New York Times_ website and open the review. He skimmed it quickly and then grinned up at his friends. “Looks like you guys can keep partying!” he said.

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Tell us what it says or hand over the phone.”

Kurt obliged, picking a critical quote to read aloud. “With a less skilled team, Perks of Being a Wallflower could easily have become one more generic teen melodrama. However, the brilliant score, which heightens the emotion felt in the novel and film rather than distracting from it, and the soul of the material itself ensures that Perks of Being a Wallflower will instead be the must-see musical of the season.” Everyone at Kurt’s table cheered and began hugging each other. Kurt just waited until Andrew turned back hug him. “You might want to hear a little more,” Kurt said quietly.

Andrew took a deep breath and nodded, so Kurt read the relevant section. “The cast of Perks of Being a Wallflower is a veritable who’s who of young Broadway, and there isn’t a weak performance among them.” Kurt paused to smile at Andrew before he continued. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that Adam and some of the other cast members had stopped talking to listen to him. “The standout performance, however, belongs to Andrew Ivanov as the enigmatic Patrick. Ivanov’s charm and vulnerability in the role are the emotional heart of this production.”

Kurt felt a shiver run through him as he read the words out loud. Andrew, and the show as a whole, couldn’t have gotten a better review.

“Holy shit, sweetheart,” Adam whispered, turning to Andrew, who was still staring at Kurt like he had two heads.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kurt said. “I didn’t write it.”

That apparently snapped Andrew out of it, because he picked up his drink and drained it before throwing his arms around Adam. Once he released his boyfriend, Andrew stood up to hug Kurt as well. “It’s true, you know,” Kurt said to him. “Every word.”

“That’s what you’ve always said,” Andrew whispered, sounding choked up. A second later, the rest of their friends mobbed Andrew and soon the celebration was back on.

* * *

 

**November 1 st, 2019 – November 3rd, 2019**

The next night, Sebastian was back in town. When Kurt got home from his show, he once again found Sebastian watching a movie with Santana. Kurt kissed Sebastian with a smile and Sebastian asked, “Is this your way of telling me that you’re finally well rested?”

“Yep,” Kurt replied, pulling him up off the couch. “I hope you can keep up! You promised me nudity, sex, and naughty language.” Sebastian laughed and let himself be led into the bedroom.

Kurt spent Sunday night curled up on the couch with Sebastian as they both surfed the internet on their respective laptops. Sebastian had gone to see Perks the night before, and now they were both ready to relax. After dinner, they all fell into discussing their Thanksgiving plans.

“I think it’s really lame that you went home last year and I went to Philly, and now that I’m going home, you have to stay here,” Sebastian complained to Kurt.

“It’s not just you,” Kurt grumbled. “Almost no one went home last year, and this year most of our friends are going. Blaine and Zeke, Mercedes, Artie, and Tina and Mike … clearly everyone is avoiding me.”

“I feel like our Thanksgiving plans are being maligned, don’t you?” Kyle asked Rachel.

Rachel crossed her arms and glared pointedly at Kurt. “Apparently we’re not interesting enough to spend Thanksgiving with Kurt Hummel. If only one of us were on a mediocre TV show about teenage aliens!”

“Maybe we should un-invite him,” Lexie added.

Kurt rolled his eyes at all three of them. “Once you’re eating my apple pie, you won’t care what I complained about.”

“At least Trent’s coming home, too,” Sebastian said, ignoring their friends entirely. “That way I won’t be totally alone with the rest of you staying here.”

Just then, Kurt’s phone beeped with a text from Mercedes. “Speak of the devil,” he said, leaning over to look at it.

From Mercedes:  
Can I call you for a few minutes?

Kurt looked around the room at his friends. He didn’t want to be rude, but Mercedes only texted him before she called if it was important. “I’ll be right back,” he said, retrieving his feet from Sebastian’s lap and walking to his room.

He was not actually right back. Kurt stayed on the phone with Mercedes for forty-five minutes, listening to her cry, reassuring her that she was going to find the right guy some day, and wishing he weren’t too far away to hug her. He and Mercedes didn’t talk as often as he would have liked, but they always knew that they could call each other whenever they needed something.

By the time Kurt was saying goodbye to Mercedes and telling her he loved her, Sebastian had wandered down the hall looking for him and was standing in the doorway with a curious expression on his face. When Kurt finally hung up, he flopped across the bed on his back. Sebastian crossed the room to lie on his back next to Kurt, so Kurt reached out and took his hand.

“What’s up?” Sebastian asked, turning his head to look at Kurt.

“Mercedes just broke up with her boyfriend. They’d been going out for a year,” Kurt explained.

“Ouch,” Sebastian said. “What happened?”

Kurt sighed. “I guess they got around to having the big ‘what do you want out of your future?’ conversation, and it turned out he absolutely, completely does not want kids.”

“And that’s a deal breaker for her?” Sebastian guessed.

“Yep. She’s always planned on having more than one,” Kurt replied with a shrug. “And I get it. The kids or no kids thing is important. It would be for me, too. It just sucks that they got so invested before they realized.”

Sebastian pulled his hand away so that he could turn on his side and look at Kurt, his head resting on his arm. “It would be for you? Because you want kids or you don’t?”

“I don’t,” Kurt replied.

Sebastian was silent for a minute before he spoke. “That surprises me. You seem like you’d be good with them.”

Kurt was getting uncomfortable looking at Sebastian sideways, so he turned to mirror Sebastian’s position. “Maybe. It’s not that I don’t like them. It’s just that I like my life. I don’t want to compromise that much, and I don’t really think that I’m going to end up with a lifestyle where kids make sense. I’ll be an uncle, and that’ll be good for me.”

Sebastian nodded. “I guess I’ve never had much of an opinion about it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, that’s fine, too. I suppose I probably should care more.”

“I don’t think it’s something you have to care about,” Kurt said with a shrug. He was oddly pleased that Sebastian wasn’t committed to the idea of kids. It was always nice to know that he wasn’t the only one. Although he did always have Santana if he got too lonely.

Sebastian smiled at him softly and reached out to run his fingers down Kurt’s arm. Kurt was just leaning in for a kiss when he heard Santana shout from the living room. “Are you guys fucking in there or what?”

Sebastian laughed and shouted back, “Yes! Now join in or stop interrupting!”

Kurt started laughing and flopped on to his back. A second later, Sebastian was hovering over him with a wicked smile. “You know, now that they all think we’re doing it anyways, don’t you think we might as well?”

Instead of answering the question, Kurt pulled Sebastian down to kiss him.

* * *

 

**November 4 th, 2019**

On Monday night, Kurt and Sebastian had plans to go out to dinner with Jacques. Sebastian had been helping him unpack most of the day Saturday, but Kurt hadn’t seen him yet.

Kurt met up with Sebastian outside of his office since the restaurant they were going to was in the financial district. Sebastian kissed him quickly and then took his hand to lead him down the street. “Before we get there, I should probably warn you about Jacques,” Sebastian said.

Sebastian’s friend was a complete mystery to Kurt. The guy didn’t even have Facebook, so Kurt had no idea what he looked like. Kurt knew plenty of jocks though, so he’d sort of assumed that Jacques would be a variation on that theme. “Warn me?” he asked, suddenly doubting the wisdom of this whole plan.

“Jacques can be a little unnerving,” Sebastian explained. “He has this habit of seeing right through people. And then calling them on it. Usually in French.”

“French?” Kurt asked, deciding not to bother worrying about what someone might see if they could see right through him.

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, he’s from Montreal.”

Kurt supposed that made sense. He was named Jacques after all. “Well, I took six years of French, so I should at least be able to tell what he’s saying about me,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“Definitely an advantage,” Sebastian replied and then pulled open the door of the restaurant.

Jacques had apparently beaten them there because Sebastian just said, “We’re meeting someone,” and walked towards the back of the room.

When they found Jacques, he stood up and gave Sebastian a back slapping hug giving Kurt a minute to take stock of him. Kurt took stock of Jacques. He was a couple inches shorter than Sebastian but broader, which most people were, with dark skin and—Kurt noticed when he stepped back from Sebastian to look at him—gorgeous brown eyes.

Instead of offering his hand, as Kurt had expected, Jacques just looked Kurt up and down thoughtfully and then turned back to Sebastian. “Alors, Sebastian, c'est le gars que tu ne veut pas admettre est ton copain?” Kurt translated in his head and figured out that, apparently, Sebastian couldn’t admit that Kurt was his boyfriend. So, if nothing else, Sebastian’s friends were just like Kurt’s.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and sat down at the table. “Il n’est pas mon copain, et il peut te comprendre,” Sebastian replied. Kurt wasn’t Sebastian’s boyfriend, and he could understand Jacques. Kurt nodded to agree that he had, in fact, understood.

“You’re supposed to warn me when they speak French,” Jacques said with a glare at Sebastian.

“You deserve it for always thinking no one in the entire country knows what you’re saying,” Sebastian replied, answering Jacques’s glare with a grin.

Jacques ignored Sebastian and turned his attention back to Kurt. “So, what are your intentions towards my friend?”

Sebastian just groaned and buried his face in his hands, leaving Kurt to answer. “I don’t … think I have any?” he said, confused about what to do with that question.

Jacques gave Kurt a look of pure skepticism. Sebastian jumped in to help Kurt out. “I thought you agreed to pretend to be normal,” he said.

“That doesn’t at all sound like something I would say,” Jacques replied flippantly.

“Why don’t you tell me more about the new job?” Sebastian asked.

“You are so obvious it hurts," Jacques replied, but he did switch to telling them both about his new position. The conversation drifted, and Kurt learned that although Jacques had absolutely no interest in theatre he was still willing to question Kurt about his work, apparently as an ongoing part of trying to figure him out.

After they’d finished eating, Sebastian went to the bathroom, leaving Jacques and Kurt alone. That didn’t really seem wise to Kurt, but he couldn’t think of an easy way out of it.

As soon as Sebastian was gone, Jacques turned his probing look back on Kurt. Kurt stared back at him, since it seemed like the only possible response. After a minute Jacques said, “Well, I don’t think you’re any more aware than Sebastian is of how in over your head you are, and you make things better for him. So I’ve decided I like you.”

Kurt didn’t really understand what Jacques meant about being in over his head. Jacques didn’t really even know him, but the fact that Sebastian’s best friend both liked him and thought he was good for Sebastian made Kurt feel like he’d passed some sort of test, so he figured he’d take it. “Thanks for the vote of confidence?” he said.

“You’re welcome. Don’t make me regret it,” Jacques replied.

Sebastian returned and Jacques simply gave him an innocent look when Sebastian asked what they’d been discussing.

On their way back to the subway, Sebastian said, “So what did you think?”

“Well you’re right. He’s odd,” Kurt replied with a laugh. “I keep expecting you to have normal jock friends.”

Sebastian shrugged. “I do. They’re just not the most important people in my life.”

Kurt nodded. That sort of made sense. There was a lot more to Sebastian than lacrosse, so it shouldn’t be surprising that his closest friends would be more interesting, too. “Well, I think I like him. Not that I’m going to call him up and hang out or anything, but he obviously cares about you.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky to have so many people who care about me,” Sebastian replied.

Sebastian looked like he’d gone somewhere else in his head, so Kurt tugged on his hand to get him to stop. Then he wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck and leaned up to kiss him. “I’m pretty sure it’s not luck,” Kurt said when they separated.

Sebastian shrugged. “I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it.” Kurt wished that Sebastian would. He knew first hand that there were plenty of reasons to want Sebastian around, and they had nothing to do with random chance.

* * *

 

**November 26 th, 2019**

The day before Thankgiving, Kurt got up early to make the pies. They were all in the oven by 11:30am when Sebastian texted him.

From Sebastian:  
Blaine is having some sort of attack of nostalgia and forcing us to go to Breadstix.

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. Somehow Sebastian, Trent, Blaine, and Zeke had ended up planning to go out to lunch that day. Kurt had no idea how it had happened, but it made him happy that they all got along well enough to want to hang out.

To Sebastian:  
I can’t imagine being nostalgic for Breadstix! The first time I came home from New York and went there, I figured out that nothing tasted like food.

From Sebastian:  
Clearly Blaine hasn’t been there in so long that he’s regressed.

To Sebastian:  
Lucky you. Well don’t have a breadstick for me.

Kurt shuddered a bit at the thought of Breadstix. There weren’t really restaurants in Lima he was willing to eat in any more. The trouble was that nothing in the Midwest had any flavor.

He was just pulling the first pie out of the oven when he got another text from Sebastian.

From Sebastian:  
Holy shit. S.O.S. Get me out of here.

To Sebastian:  
Is the food that bad?

From Sebastian:  
Fuck the food. Your dad and stepmom just came in and Blaine INVITED THEM TO SIT WITH US.

Kurt very nearly dropped his phone into the pumpkin pie. Sebastian probably shouldn’t ever have met his father, but he definitely shouldn’t have to do it without Kurt even _there_. What could Blaine have been thinking? Although Kurt knew the answer; Blaine had probably completely forgotten why it would be a bad idea to ask Kurt’s dad to join them until the moment he’d introduced him to Sebastian.

To Sebastian:  
Are you kidding me? My dad’s going to know who you are!

From Sebastian:  
Yeah, I know he knows who I am. He keeps looking at me like I deflowered his baby!

To Sebastian:  
For the sake of accuracy, it was Blaine who did that. That ship had sailed many times before you showed up.

Kurt didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. His father was at lunch with Kurt’s first boyfriend, the guy said first boyfriend had started seeing immediately after breaking up with Kurt, the guy Kurt was sleeping with now, and … Trent. Thank god Carole was there. She’d at least keep Burt from killing Sebastian.

To Sebastian:  
Just try not to reference anything that would remind him that you’ve ever seen me naked.

When Kurt didn’t hear from Sebastian for the next five minutes, he started to worry. What on earth was going on? Finally his phone chimed.

From Sebastian:  
Your father would like me to tell you that he says hello.

They were completely screwed. Sebastian wouldn’t have told Burt that he was texting Kurt, which meant that Burt had guessed. He’d be lucky if Sebastian ever spoke to him again.

To Sebastian:  
There’s nothing I can do to help you now. Tell everyone I said hi.

Kurt didn’t think that Sebastian was going to text him again so he shoved his phone in his pocket and rested his head against the fridge.

“You okay, Kurt?” Kyle asked as he walked into the kitchen. “Ooooh! Pie!”

“Hands off the pie,” Kurt replied without moving. “And no. Sebastian is at lunch with Blaine and my _father_ has joined them.”

“Oh shit! And I was really starting to like Sebastian.” When the only response Kyle got to his comment was a glare, he walked around the counter and rested his hand on Kurt’s back. “Sebastian will be fine. Uncomfortable, but fine.”

Kurt just nodded and leaned into Kyle’s touch. “My life is very complicated right now.”

“Well that’s the understatement of the year.”

* * *

 

Kurt had been planning to call Sebastian as soon as he got out of his matinee, but Burt called him first. He’d just gotten through the stage door line and started to head uptown to get take out when the phone rang. When he saw it was his father, Kurt gathered his courage and answered. “Hi, dad. How are you?”

“I’ve had a pretty interesting afternoon, but I think you already knew that,” Burt replied.

Kurt had a feeling he was going to want to be sitting down for this conversation, so he found a spot on a bench before he answered. “I’m sorry, dad. That’s not how I meant for you to meet Sebastian.”

“Did you ever plan on me meeting Sebastian?” his father asked.

The answer wasn’t exactly no. He certainly had no specific plans in that direction, but it could have happened at some point. “Maybe eventually, but I wouldn't have wanted Blaine to introduce you.”

“Yeah, well Blaine acts fast, but he doesn’t always think fast,” Burt said with a snort. Kurt thought that was pretty accurate. “It was fine anyways. You know I always like to see Blaine. And Carole got to talk to Zeke—as much as anyone can talk to Zeke—and that always makes her happy.”

Kurt had to laugh at that. “Mothers love Zeke. I think he gives off some sort of ‘I haven’t been mothered enough in years’ bat signal that only they can see.”

Burt laughed, too. “Sounds about right. I suppose we’re lucky she’s not baking him cookies and knitting him scarves. That Trent kid seems nice, too.”

The abrupt backtrack in topic surprised Kurt, so at first all he managed to say was, “He is.” Burt was silent on the other end of the line for a minute, so Kurt figured he was going to have to ask if he wanted an answer. “And Sebastian?” Kurt sort of wished he didn’t care what his father thought, but of course he did.

Burt was silent for another minute as if he was trying to gather his thoughts and then he sighed. “He seems like a good kid, Kurt. Not always sure about what comes out of his mouth, but he’s obviously trying. Really hard in fact.”

Kurt exhaled and nodded without really thinking about the fact that his father couldn’t see him. Apparently Burt wasn’t quite finished because he said, “Remember when we had the talk while you were in high school?”

That topic change made no sense to Kurt. “Yeah, I remember. But dad, why—”

“I think I told you to remember to be careful with your heart when it comes to sex,” Burt continued, unperturbed by Kurt’s interruption. “But sometimes I wonder if I remembered to tell you to be careful with other people’s too.”

“That’s completely unfair!” Kurt said, feeling a bit like he’d been kicked in the chest. It really wasn’t fair, and he hated to think that’s what his father thought of him.

“Maybe it is,” Burt replied. “I’d just hate to think you were leading him on.”

Kurt reached up with his free hand to rub his temple. He was definitely feeling the beginnings of a headache. He had no idea how his father had suddenly ended up worried about Sebastian. “I’m not leading him on, Dad. We both know where we stand, and we’ve both always been honest with each other.”

“Kiddo, sometimes people take less than they need because they think that it’s all they can get.”

Kurt flinched a little at that. He knew his father was talking about Sebastian, but he honestly wasn’t even sure if it applied more to Sebastian or to himself. Still, he really wasn’t worried that he was leading Sebastian on. He really did believe that if either of them found someone they wanted to be in a relationship with they would stop doing this. He wondered if he’d ever get the full story about what had happened at that lunch out of any of them. Right now he just really wanted to get off the phone. “I’ll keep that in mind. But I have to get going if I’m going to get dinner.”

“Okay. Love you, Kurt.”

“Love you, too, Dad.”

After the conversation with his dad, Kurt didn’t really want to call Sebastian. He wasn’t sure he had enough energy to go a few more rounds, but he hadn’t heard anything since those texts nearly five hours ago, so he definitely owed Sebastian a call.

As soon as he started walking uptown towards Dig Inn, he pulled his phone back out and called Sebastian. “Fancy hearing from you!” Sebastian said when he answered the phone.

“Thank god you’re still alive!” Kurt exclaimed. “Are all of your limbs still attached?”

Sebastian laughed, which made Kurt feel better. Clearly he wasn’t angry at Kurt. “Well, all the parts I like the most are still here.”

“I’m glad you have your priorities in order,” Kurt replied. “Seriously though, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine, Kurt. Aside from looking at me a little too intensely, he really didn’t do anything. Meeting your dad was not the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. It also wasn’t even remotely your fault.” Sebastian really did sound fine, so Kurt decided to trust him.

“So you’re saying that I don’t need to kill Blaine?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian laughed. “No, no. You should definitely still kill him.”

Kurt had to hang up on Sebastian a few minutes later so that he could step into the crowd in the restaurant.

To Blaine:  
WHAT were you thinking?

From Blaine:  
Not much until your father shook Sebastian’s hand. Explains why Zeke kept poking me, though.

To Blaine:  
Really? After six years I thought you’d learned to listen to Zeke, even when he’s not talking.

From Blaine:  
It’s a lifelong process. Don’t worry, he thinks I’m an idiot. He keeps judging me with his eyebrows.

To Blaine:  
So am I. You just can’t see it.

* * *

 

**December 2 nd, 2019**

“Why the fuck are people emailing me during Thanksgiving?” Sebastian asked almost as soon as Kurt answered his phone. “You really can’t think of anything more exciting to do with your vacation than work?”

“Perhaps they have a deep, abiding love of their jobs,” Kurt deadpanned as he folded a shirt neatly. Sebastian had called while he was putting away his laundry.

Sebastian snorted. “Literally not possible. I swear I had fifty emails.”

Kurt couldn’t imagine ever getting that many emails at once. He’d probably just turn off his computer and never turn it on again. “I hope they weren’t all asking you to do something.”

“No, thank god. Some of them were just people having circular arguments about things we’ve already discussed and decided on. But I swear every time they do assign something to me, a piece of my soul dies.”

It hurt a little to hear that. Kurt hated the idea of Sebastian getting up every day being that miserable about his job. “Over-dramatic metaphors aside, Sebastian, why don’t you find a new job?”

They’d had this conversation before, but Sebastian never really had a satisfactory answer. “I will, Kurt. It’s too soon right now. I need to put in my three years to get vested, at least. It’s just throwing away money if I don’t. And it doesn’t look that great to potential employers to be someone who doesn’t stick around.”

Kurt wouldn’t know about most of that; theatre people were always looking for their next job. But he still thought that it was better to throw away money than to throw away years of your life. “At least it’ll be Christmas soon. Then you can get three times as many emails while you’re away!”

Sebastian groaned. “I’m not even looking forward to it right now. I’m basically incapable of Christmas shopping. When I have no reason to shop for someone, I find things everywhere. But as soon as the holidays come up? Nothing.”

“That is truly a terrible curse,” Kurt said with a laugh. It definitely fit with Sebastian’s personality. He was good at being thoughtful, but not when he had to. “I, on the other hand, have done all of my shopping already.”

“Dear god, why?” Sebastian asked, sounding floored.

Kurt glanced down at the pile of shopping bags in his closet. “This year I’m avoiding the Thanksgiving to Christmas crowd entirely. I did it all in November instead.” Once that tree went up in Rockefeller Center, most of New York was vile. You couldn’t walk anywhere, eat anywhere, or shop anywhere without tripping over hundreds of people.

“That seems unfair.”

Kurt laughed. “I don’t see how. I still did the same amount of shopping. I just did it already. If it makes you feel better about the unfairness of it all, one of the gifts is for you.” He threw that in mostly because he hated not knowing when someone had gotten him a gift, and he had a feeling Sebastian would be the same.

“Does it involve nudity?” Sebastian asked hopefully. Instead of answering, Kurt silently judged him through the phone. Apparently it worked because a moment later Sebastian said, “I guess not. Well I suppose it makes me feel a bit better anyways. I just wish the whole thing were easier.”

“You could send everyone flowers,” Kurt suggested helpfully.

Sebastian sighed. “No, that would get old fast.” Then he perked up a bit. “I could just send flowers to Alex. With a dirty message!”

Kurt couldn’t help but shake his head even though Sebastian couldn’t see him. “Doesn’t seem like something Trent would appreciate.”

Sebastian snorted. “He’d probably get off on it for months.”

“Wait, what?” Kurt said, dropping the shirt he’d been starting to hang. He definitely hadn’t been expecting _that_.

“See, I don’t get why all of you are convinced that I must be full of shit about this not bothering Trent.”

Kurt picked the shirt back up and started hanging it again. “It’s because you’re usually full of shit.”

“Point,” Sebastian conceded. “But not this time. Trent doesn’t get upset when people hit on Alex. He enjoys the hell out of it. I think it’s the ‘I know he’s adorable, but he’s going home with me’ effect. And, of course, Alex is perfectly happy to encourage the whole thing.”

Kurt took that in for a moment and thought back on Sebastian’s interactions with Trent and Alex. “Wait, so which part of this are you getting off on?”

Sebastian spluttered indignantly. “What? I’m not—”

“I’m just saying, this actually makes the whole dynamic between the three of you significantly weirder,” Kurt replied casually.

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

 

* * *

 


	19. Chapter 19

**December 7 th, 2019**

“What are you reading?” Sebastian asked from Kurt’s door. It was Saturday night and Kurt was lounging on his bed waiting for Sebastian.

“ _Perks of Being a Wallflower_ , actually. I saw the movie in college, but I’ve never read it,” Kurt said, putting a sticky note in his place and closing the book.

Sebastian wandered over to the bed and flopped down across it, lying his head in Kurt’s lap.

Kurt had just enough time to pull his book out of the way before Sebastian ended up on top of it. “Well, hello to you, too,” Kurt said, amused.

“I read it about eight times in high school,” Sebastian said, continuing the conversation as if nothing had happened.

When Kurt started running his hands through Sebastian’s hair, Sebastian sighed happily and closed his eyes. Kurt was always amused by how much Sebastian enjoyed having someone touch his hair. “You’re like a cat, you know,” Kurt said fondly, and then he switched back to the topic at hand. “It’s sort of hard to imagine you reading this eight times.”

“I was sixteen, gay, and fairly unlikable. I had to do something with my time.” Sebastian didn’t open his eyes at all as he spoke, and Kurt could feel him relaxing as Kurt continued to play with his hair. “You should read it to me.”

That seemed like one of Sebastian’s odder requests. “Don’t you want to read your own book?”

“Not really. Besides, I like listening to your voice,” Sebastian replied.

Kurt had a feeling that Sebastian was actually too tired to read but didn’t want to admit it. “Okay,” Kurt said with a sigh and pulled his book back out. He restarted at the beginning of the letter he’d been reading when Sebastian came in.

“April 29th, 1992

Dear friend,

                I wish I could report that it’s getting better, but unfortunately it isn’t.”

By the time Kurt finished reading the letter, Sebastian was so still that Kurt didn’t even think he was awake. But when Kurt closed the book and set it on his nightstand, Sebastian said, “Are you ever afraid that you’ve wasted your whole life searching for the wrong thing?”

Kurt’s heart hurt at the uncertainty in Sebastian’s voice. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Sebastian's forehead, although he wasn’t sure which of the two of them he was trying to comfort. “No,” he answered. And that was true. It had been a very long time since Kurt had been unsure about where he was supposed to be. “I’m sure of what I’ve been working towards, but sometimes I’m afraid that I’ve poured too much into it and lost track of everything else.” He'd been accused of exactly that more than once.

Sebastian didn’t respond, so Kurt started to shift them so that they were actually in bed instead of just on it. Once they were lying facing each other under the blankets with their feet intertwined, Kurt asked, “What is it you think you’ve been searching for?”

“I’m not even sure,” Sebastian answered with a shrug. “I just feel like I did everything I was supposed to do, and I’ve still somehow gotten trapped in a life I don’t want, so I must have gotten it wrong.”

Kurt wished desperately that he knew how to help Sebastian stop being stuck. It was so hard to listen to Sebastian sound this hopeless and not have any idea what to do. He leaned into the space between them and kissed Sebastian softly. When he pulled back, he said, “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re not trapped, Sebastian. You’re only twenty four. When you’re ready, you’ll have all the options in the world.”

Instead of answering, Sebastian just leaned in to kiss Kurt more urgently. Kurt didn’t protest. He had a feeling that Sebastian had talked about it as much as he was going to that night.

* * *

 

**December 9 th, 2019**

Lexie took the stage first at Fourth Wall on Monday night. Before she started to sing, she said, “I just want to dedicate this song to my girlfriend.”

Kyle laughed at that. “Santana, I think this is retaliation.”

“Whatever it is, I can take it,” Santana replied nonchalantly.

When Lexie started [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100638165326/shes-always-a-woman-by-billy-joel), Santana rolled her eyes. “ _She can kill with her smile. She can wound with her eyes. She can ruin your faith with her casual lies. And she only reveals what she wants you to see. She hides like a child but she’s always a woman to me._ ”

Andrew leaned in to Kurt and whispered, “I think this is pretty accurate, actually.” Kurt had to try to hide his laugh from Santana.

“That song isn’t very complimentary,” Santana said when Lexie got back to the table.

Lexie ignored her glare and sat down next to her. “Yeah, but I sang it with love.”

Santana’s look softened a bit, and she wrapped an arm around Lexie’s shoulders. “You owe me a drink.”

“I can do that,” Lexie replied, leaning in to her.

“And orgasms,” Santana added.

Lexie didn’t let Santana faze her with that one. “You _know_ I can do that.”

“I’m feeling a desperate desire to get out of the rest of this conversation,” Kyle said, crawling under the table by Andrew and Adam.

“Cunnilingus!” Lexie yelled after him without context, causing a bunch of people at nearby tables to stare at her.

“Digital penetration!” Santana added, even louder.

“Honestly, you two. There are people we work with here,” Rachel said. “And it’s not like Kyle’s afraid of vaginas.”

“Maybe he should be. Doesn’t yours have teeth, Berry?” Santana asked, causing Lexie to punch her on the arm.

Rachel leaned her head back against the booth. “Why me?”

By that point, Kyle had made it up to the stage to sing. He said a few words to Brad, who laughed, and then took over the piano. When he started to play, [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100638816646/chelsea-packard-performs-the-music-of-new-york) was not one Kurt recognized. “ _I’ve lived here all my life. It’s where my heart resides. All these years I’ve had a ringside seat. Five hundred Broadway shows, ten thousand subway rides, and maybe a million whistles on the street from many a man I doubt I’d like and never want to meet._ ”

When the tone of the song changed, Kyle looked up from the piano and back at their table to catch Rachel’s eye. “ _You opened wide my doors. You wiped away my tears. You brought the city back beneath my skin._ ”

Once he was sitting next to Rachel again, Kyle said, “Thank you.”

Rachel reached over and took his hand. “For what?”

“For never letting me forget why I’m doing this,” he replied, leaning in to kiss her.

“Thank you for never letting me forget either,” Rachel said when they separated.

Kurt couldn’t help but smile at them. He was glad that his friends had found each other and were happy.

“Yes, yes. Rachel’s nearly psychotic single-mindedness is motivational for all of us. Let’s try not to get too excited about it.” And then there was Santana.

“Oh no,” Kurt said. “Looks like I have to go sing and can’t watch you two argue. I’m crushed.”

“Think how much you would miss it if we stopped.” Santana said as she stood up to let him by. Kurt honestly couldn’t imagine his life without Rachel and Santana sniping at each other. He’d either become incredibly calm or go insane from the silence.

Once Kurt had adjusted the mic to his height, he said, “As you all know, one of my goals in life is to play Cathy in an all-male production of The Last Five Years. Call me if you’re doing one. But today I’m going to sing one of [Jamie’s songs](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100640955966/the-schmuel-song-from-the-last-5-years-performed) because it’s been reminding me of someone lately.” Then he started to sing. “ _Schmuel would work ‘till half past ten at his tailor shop in Klimovitch. Get up at dawn and start again with the hems, and pins, and twists._ ”

When he got back to the table, there was a mass exodus as Andrew, Rachel, Santana, and Rachel all got up at once. “Was it something I sang?” Kurt asked Kyle, who laughed in response.

“I’m Schmuel, huh?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt wasn’t exactly surprised that Sebastian had figured out his point. It wasn’t very subtle. “It’s possible.”

“So you’re worried I’m in danger of becoming a sixty-five year old Belarusian man who has left his dreams behind and run out of time to find them again?” Sebastian said with a grin.

Kurt snorted. “Well, maybe not that specifically.”

“I’ll consider the point,” Sebastian replied, throwing an arm over Kurt’s shoulders and turning his attention back to the stage, where their friends seemed to be having some kind of debate over who got which mic.

Finally, they figured it out, and Andrew began [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/100641376516/eric-michael-krop-performs-ryan-scott-olivers) with Santana and Adam backing him up. “ _Dust settles in the totaled country. I’m leaving the land from a storm lashed shore as I return to you. I return to you.”_

While Andrew was singing, Lexie leaned into Kurt’s space and whispered, “Are you ever going to tell him he’s not Schmuel; he’s Cathy?”

“What?” Kurt whispered back, giving her a confused look.

“He’s not the subject of the story. He’s the person that you love and are telling the story for.”

Kurt didn’t even bother arguing about the assertion that he loved Sebastian. It never seemed to make any difference to his friends what he said on the topic. “Does it really matter?” Kurt asked.

Lexie shot a glance over his head at Sebastian. “It might to him.”

Then the music changed and Rachel started to sing, which reminded them to pay attention to the stage. “ _Where the road ends, I will guide you. Through the night storm, I will guide you._ ” Kurt was glad to ignore Lexie’s question and listen to his friends sing a song he loved.

When the rest of the group returned to the table, Sebastian turned to Andrew and said, “Were you really not getting enough of a chance to show off your dramatic side these days?”

“Sometimes I like to make sure people don’t just think of me as cute,” Andrew replied with a shrug and a smile. “And it’s never enough. Haven’t you learned that by now?”

* * *

 

**December 11 th – December 25th, 2019**

For all that Kurt hated midtown when it was so overrun with tourists, he found it almost impossible not to be in the Christmas spirit with the city decked out for the holidays. Kurt’s favorite coffee shop near the apartment had the best peppermint mocha, the streets were strung with lights, and Kurt was drawn to the Fifth Avenue window displays like a moth to flame.

He and his friends even took the time to do some holiday activities of their own. They went skating in the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and once again proved that almost none of them could skate. The exceptions were Lexie and, to his surprise, Trent. The two of them held hands and whizzed past everyone else shouting things like, “Bend your knees!”

Rachel and Kurt filled the apartment with the smell of baking cookies and decorated it top to bottom with decorations for both Christmas and Hanukkah.

On Christmas Day, Andrew and Adam went to Rhode Island to spend the day with Andrew’s family, especially his new nephew. Lexie and Santana went out to Westchester to see Lexie’s parents and brother. That left Rachel, Kyle, and Kurt to enjoy their two days off—Christmas Eve and Christmas day—together. Since Hanukkah and Christmas overlapped that year, they lit the candles both evenings and had Christmas morning on the twenty-fifth. The pile of presents under the tree was more than reasonable, and the three of them sang their own Christmas carols as they opened gifts. Afterwards Kyle made pancakes while Rachel and Kurt watched It’s A Wonderful Life.

Kurt was just waking up from his annual Christmas nap on the couch when his phone rang. “Merry Christmas, Sebastian,” Kurt said when he picked up the phone. “I’d say Merry Christmas from Kyle and Rachel, but they’ve disappeared, and I don’t want to know about it.”

Sebastian laughed. “Well, Merry Christmas to you, at least. You sound sleepy. Did I wake you?”

Kurt dragged himself to a sitting position and surveyed the room. “No, I was taking a nap in a pile of wrapping paper, but I’d already woken up.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re really making the most of this Christmas,” Sebastian said.

Kurt did think they’d done a good job, but he was pretty sure Sebastian had the advantage there. “You’re the one who’s in Paris,” he pointed out.

“The charm of Christmas in Paris wears off eventually,” Sebastian said dismissively.

It was obvious that Sebastian was just trying to push Kurt’s buttons with that comment. Kurt had told him all about how unfair it was that he got to go to Paris every year and Kurt hadn’t even been once. “I hate you. Does it really?”

“Not really,” Sebastian replied with a laugh. “Especially with my cousins and the kids here. My cousin’s daughter just turned six, and she’s kind of obsessed with me.”

Kurt had to laugh at that. The mental image of Sebastian being followed around by a French six year old was fantastic. “What did you do to earn her loyalty?”

“I seriously don’t know. It’s been going on since she was three. Her mother says that she thinks it’s funny when I’m grumpy.”

“It is pretty funny,” Kurt said, standing up so that he could start to clean up the Christmas mess. “Although I’m not sure what it says about her taste in men.”

“Yeah, but she might grow out of it. What’s your excuse?” Sebastian quipped back. “But her parents love pawning her off on me. Yesterday we went to see the tree at La Place de la Concorde and then we went ice skating on the Champs-Élysées.”

Kurt shoved a pile of wrapping paper into a trash bag. “It’s like you’re trying to get me to stop talking to you. I can’t believe I’m jealous of a six year old.”

“Aww, poor Kurt. Working on Broadway and living in one of the greatest cities on earth getting you down?” Sebastian said in an obviously patronizing tone. “You’d like Nathalie, though. She’s the best-dressed child I’ve ever met, and she loves bossing me around.”

“Sounds like my kind of girl,” Kurt replied with a laugh. “Too bad I can’t meet her.”

Sebastian was silent on the end of the phone for a second, and Kurt could feel that things had gotten awkward suddenly. Finally Sebastian said, “Maybe someday you’ll have more than two days off in a row and we can go to Paris.”

“I’d like that,” Kurt replied, deciding not to deal with the complications of that particular offer right then.

Kurt flopped down across the couch as soon as he hung up. He and Sebastian were usually pretty good at avoiding talking about the future as it related to the two of them. Kurt was pretty sure they both knew that what they were doing together had an expiration date.

Every once in a while, though, they stumbled into something like this and he had to remind himself that their arrangement was only temporary. Letting go of Sebastian when the time came was going to be hard enough; he didn’t need to start imagining a future with Sebastian and make it worse.

* * *

 

**December 31 st, 2019 – January 1st, 2020**

Everyone was back by New Year’s Eve, and they all ended up at a lively party in Kyle’s friends’ apartment in Brooklyn. Kurt had lost track of how Kyle even knew them, but it didn’t matter. The party was full of theatre people, and Kurt knew a lot of them at least in passing.

Kurt had a tendency to get a bit melancholy on New Year’s. He didn’t particularly dislike the holiday, but it always seemed to sneak up on him and surprise him with how quickly the years were passing. It was nights like this that he wondered how it was possible that he’d been out of high school for more than seven years. He couldn’t tell if it felt like a lifetime ago or like the blink of an eye.

If he was being totally honest, he was also feeling the fact that he was the only one of his friends who was single—at least at this party. Usually, if they were in the same place on New Year’s, he and Andrew would kiss as they toasted the new year, but even Andrew was finally paired off.

Not long after midnight, Kurt wandered up to the roof of the building. The cold seemed to be keeping everyone else away, but he didn’t mind. He was happy to have the fresh air.

Kurt spent a while outside thinking about his plans. The workshop of The Longest Distance started in just over a week, and that would keep him busy for most of January. After that, he’d be doing Book of Mormon and auditioning because, as Carmen Tibideaux had told his senior acting seminar, actors can stop auditioning when they’re dead.

Kurt was disrupted from his career contemplation by a text from Sebastian.

From Sebastian:  
I don’t understand when you got so hot? I mean, you were nice enough to look at in high school, but not like this. Like I felt like I’d been hit by a bus that night in the bar. And I swear it gets worse, not better, over time.

Kurt had to laugh. Sebastian was in Boston with a bunch of his college friends, and he was clearly having a good time. Kurt could be okay with the fact that Sebastian’s drunken thoughts were apparently about how hot he was.

To Sebastian:  
You covered for having been hit by a bus remarkably well.

From Sebastian:  
Yeah? Lucky thing that you didn’t try to sleep on that couch or I would have had a god damn uncomfortable night.

Kurt had always suspected that Sebastian hadn’t been having entirely innocent thoughts when he’d invited Kurt back to the hotel that first time. It was nice to have confirmation.

To Sebastian:  
Okay, drunk Sebastian. I’m totally sending this back to you in the morning.

From Sebastian:  
Well, it’ll still be true in the morning.

After that exchange, Kurt headed back in to the party. There was no one like Sebastian for making him stop taking himself so seriously.

* * *

 

**January 3 rd, 2020**

When Kurt got home on Friday night, he found Sebastian already in his pajamas and sitting cross-legged on the bed, reading a giant book.

“ _And The Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic_. Well that’s sexy.” Kurt said, reading the cover of Sebastian’s book and startling Sebastian, who jumped a little.

“Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what Alex was going for when he decided I had to read it,” Sebastian deadpanned as he leaned over and set his book on the nightstand.

Kurt crossed the room so he could push Sebastian back on to the bed, pressing their lips together as he settled on top of Sebastian. The kiss turned dirty quickly as Kurt slipped his tongue into Sebastian's mouth and his hands into Sebastian's hair.

Sebastian was running one hand up Kurt's back under his sweater and was just reaching for Kurt's fly with his other hand when Kurt pulled away and stood up. Sebastian whined a bit, but Kurt just grinned at him. "So if I made you sleep on the couch right now, you'd have a really uncomfortable night, right?"

"Oh my god," Sebastian said, his eyes widening as he realized what Kurt was referencing. "You are Satan. I am _sleeping_ with Satan."

"In this case, isn't the problem that you wouldn't be sleeping with Satan?" Kurt asked innocently.

"Yep, you're actually evil," Sebastian said, dropping his head back against the pillow.

Kurt laughed. "Well, I have to go take a shower. You can go back to … reading your book."

As Kurt started to walk down the hall laughing, Sebastian called after him, "Can I join you?"

"Is Santana here?" Kurt shouted back; he'd achieved what he was going for with his joke, but shower sex was a dangerous proposition if any of his roommates were home.

"She and Lexie went out!"

Kurt sighed heavily. "Then I _guess_ you can."

A second later, Sebastian ran down the hall and practically tackled Kurt as they both laughed.

* * *

 

**January 4 th, 2020**

Kurt blinked and looked at the clock. It was 4am and he had no idea how he’d come to be awake. He was just about to burrow back down into his pillows and go back to sleep when he realized that Sebastian was awake, too. He was still in bed next to Kurt, but the screen of his iPad was glowing.

“Sebastian,” Kurt said with a groan as he rolled over to drape an arm around Sebastian’s waist.

“Don’t. It doesn’t help,” Sebastian replied, sounding exhausted.

Kurt knew it wasn’t useful for him to nag Sebastian about not being asleep. He was pretty sure Sebastian was just as unhappy about it as he was. “Did you sleep at all?”

Sebastian nodded and put the iPad down so that he could turn over to look at Kurt. “Yeah, but not for long.”

“Would sex help?”

“Doesn’t usually,” Sebastian said, laughing. “But I’d be willing to try again if you felt like it.”

Kurt yawned. “Not really.”

“How about we both see if we can go back to sleep?” Sebastian said, pulling Kurt closer.

* * *

 

**January 6 th, 2020**

“How was your first day of work, dear?” Sebastian asked cheekily. They’d just met up for dinner uptown outside of the rehearsal space for The Longest Distance.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian’s teasing and said, “Really good! It feels good to be working on it again.”

Sebastian waited until they were seated to ask him any more questions. “So you’ll be doing this for the next three weeks?”

“Yep. Six days a week for three weeks—except when I have Book of Mormon shows—with presentations on Thursday and Friday afternoon of the last week,” he replied, feeling a bit tired just talking about it.

“I’m going to have to send you more coffee, aren’t I?” Sebastian said with a laugh. “This workshop seems like a lot.”

Kurt sort of wished Sebastian would send more coffee. He had a feeling he was going to be nearly dead by the time this was over. “I think three weeks is normal for a workshop, but they vary. It’s a lot of pressure because this may be the only workshop before a full production.”

“Makes sense,” Sebastian said, grabbing a roll out of the basket that had just appeared before them and starting to pull it apart. “So the point of this whole thing is for Kyle and Lexie to get the chance to see it and fix problems?”

“That and to get the show in front of potential investors and generate buzz.” Kurt explained.

Sebastian nodded. “So how _was_ today?”

“It was fantastic!” Kurt said. Working on the show was exhilarating. “It’s fun to get back to it and see the changes that Kyle and Lexie have been working on. Andrew and I are enjoying watching the new cast members get into it, too.” There had been pretty significant cast changes between the reading and the workshop because of a combination of people being unavailable and other roles being cast with someone more suitable.

“Is Andrew going to be able to do the show if there’s a full production?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt had been wondering the same thing when Andrew agreed to do the workshop. “It depends on timing. But I think it’s more likely that he won’t be able to.”

“I wish I could come,” Sebastian said with a sigh. “I’ve been listening to you guys talk about this thing for a year and a half. It’s frustrating not to get to see what you’re doing.”

“I wish you could come, too. It sucks that you’re so busy that week.” Kurt had invited Sebastian, but there wasn’t any way he could have gotten either day off.

Sebastian grimaced. “Curse the bastard who schedules internal audits. I’m sure I’ll have just as much fun doing that as I would seeing you.”

“Do you know the bastard who schedules internal audits?” Kurt asked.

“I think it’s my boss,” Sebastian replied, and they both laughed.

* * *

 

**January 24 th, 2020**

By the day of the last presentation, Kurt felt like he was slowly losing his mind. It wasn’t just that he was tired; it was that the changes to the show were so numerous. Even Andrew agreed that it was a getting ridiculous.

Galina told them to take their ten minute break mid morning so that she, Kyle, Lexie, and the music director could debate another change to the opening number. As soon as they were released, Kurt dropped into a chair and rested his head in his hands. Rachel’s dads were coming to see the show that afternoon, as were Hadley and Kurt’s agent, and Kurt just wanted to feel like he knew what he was doing.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Alicia, the company manager.

“Are you okay, honey? Do you need me to get you anything?” She asked.

Kurt shook his head. “No, I just … we’ve changed the opening so often that I’m afraid I’ll have no idea what I’m doing by the time we perform.”

“He’s got a point,” one of the other cast members added from behind him. Kurt was grateful for the support. He wasn’t trying to incite a riot, but he didn’t want to seem like a whiner either.

Alicia nodded and leaned down to give Kurt a hug. “Just let me know if you need anything.”

A few minutes later, Kyle came over to him and reached out a hand to pull Kurt out of his seat. “Let’s go for a walk,” Kyle said.

Once they got into the hall, Kyle stopped and pulled Kurt into a hug. Kurt hugged back just as tightly. He could feel the tension in Kyle’s body, and he knew that the hug was just as much Kyle looking for comfort as offering it, “I’m so sorry,” Kyle said into Kurt’s shoulder. “I know we’re asking for too much, and I’m not always good at getting my head out of my ass.”

That was pretty accurate. Kurt pulled back so he could look at Kyle. “It’s not that I don’t get it. I know that the next chance to see the whole thing all the way through could be weeks into rehearsal for a full production. I just feel like mush.”

“But you look like a million bucks?” Kyle said hopefully.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Kurt replied and then pushed Kyle back into the room.

The presentation went pretty well. It wasn’t perfect, and Kurt was pretty sure that he and Andrew had done two different versions of one scene, but they got through it.

Afterwards, he was congratulated by almost everyone in the room. He and Andrew were talking to Hadley, who’d loved the show, when he caught sight of Leroy Berry hugging Kyle. When Leroy pulled back to hold on to Kyle’s shoulders and look at him, Kurt distinctly heard him say, “Honey, we couldn’t be more proud of you if you actually married our daughter!” Kurt couldn’t help but laugh as Kyle spluttered.

* * *

 

**January 27 th, 2020**

“My life is a disaster,” Kurt said to Sebastian through the phone. It was Monday night after the reading, and he had just realized that morning that he had been doing a very bad job at being functional over the last few weeks. He’d been trying to get everything back in order for most of the day and now he was just lying sideways across his bed.

Sebastian gave a wry laugh. “I know what you mean. I have to spend next week on a massive cleaning spree.”

Kurt had to imagine that it couldn’t be that big of a cleaning spree. Sebastian was very neat. Kurt hadn’t actually seen Sebastian’s apartment, but he’d be a bit surprised if Sebastian let his place get that messy. “Really early spring cleaning?” Kurt asked.

“I wish it were spring. No, the first Harvard lacrosse game of the season is two weekends from now, and a bunch of the guys are coming from out of town for it, so some of them staying on my couch,” Sebastian explained.

There was something just a little off in his voice, which made Kurt ask, “Which guys?”

Sebastian hesitated a bit before speaking. “Well, Jacques and a couple of guys who started on defense with him. And Tad.”

Kurt took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. He felt irrationally angry. He didn't know if he was angry at Tad, who he didn’t even know, or at Sebastian for inviting Tad to sleep on his floor. They were talking about the guy who’d broken Sebastian’s heart so thoroughly that he was still singing melancholy songs about it years later, after all. “Why the fuck is Tad sleeping at your place?”

“Because he needed a place to stay,” Sebastian replied and Kurt could hear the defensiveness in his voice.

Kurt snorted. “Yeah, and I’m sure there’s nowhere else in all of fucking Boston that he could go.”

“There probably is, but we’re friends, so why shouldn’t he stay here?” Sebastian was obviously getting angry. A small part of Kurt knew that he should stop, but it wasn’t a part of him that he listened to very well.

“Oh, right, it’s always best to stay friends with the guy who broke your heart and left you with a job that makes you miserable. Seems like a great friend.” That was the root of the problem for Kurt. Sebastian was unhappy, and Kurt had no idea how to help him, but he was pretty sure that spending a weekend with Tad could only make things worse.

“You don’t know anything about what happened between Tad and I, so don’t fucking act like you do,” Sebastian said, nearly shouting.

That was ridiculous, of course, because Kurt didn’t have to know anything about Tad to know that Sebastian didn’t need someone who’d hurt him like that in his life. “Screw knowing Tad; I know you.”

“Not as well as you think you do,” Sebastian said, his voice icy. “I’m done with this.” Then the phone clicked off.

Kurt just lay there for a minute trying to figure out had that had happened so quickly. A part of him wanted to pick up the phone and call Sebastian back immediately, but he finally took a minute to think and realized that would be a bad idea. For one thing, both of them obviously needed to calm down and, for another, Kurt still knew he was right about this. He wasn’t going to get a different reaction from Sebastian by calling him back immediately and saying the same thing.

While he was thinking that through, he heard a knock at the door. “Come in,” he said with a sigh.

Rachel pushed in the door and looked over at him. “Are you okay, Kurt? You were yelling.”

“Sebastian and I had a fight.”

Rachel’s eyes widened in shock. She took one more step into the room and then she stopped. “Do you want me to leave?”

That was a surprising question coming from Rachel. Usually she just barged right in. It was annoying, but sometimes it saved Kurt from having to decide if he wanted to be left alone. “Not really.”

Rachel nodded and crossed to sit next to him on the bed. “I’m guessing you weren’t just bickering?”

“Not so much,” Kurt said, flipping over onto his stomach and looking sideways at her. “We had an argument about his ex.”

“Ah,” Rachel said, and then she thought for a minute. “Seems like that relationship didn’t end well.”

“No, it didn’t. Which is why I wouldn’t have thought Sebastian would still want to have him around.”

Rachel reached over to rub his back gently. “I know I’m not the best person to say this, but you know that’s not your choice, right?”

Kurt nodded. “I know. But it’s killing me to watch him hurt like this. I just want to be able to keep him away from anyone who would make it worse.”

“Oh, Kurt …” Rachel said, squeezing his shoulder.

They were silent while Kurt thought back over the fight and Rachel continued to rub his back. Finally he said, “What do you think ‘I’m done with this’ means?” It hurt even to ask the question. He was so afraid that Sebastian had been serious. He knew that they’d eventually have to stop doing this, but Sebastian was so important to him; he’d figured they’d always be friends. But that one sentence had thrown all his expectations into question.

Rachel closed her eyes for a second, and then she opened them and said, “I don’t think Sebastian could be done with you if he wanted to be at this point.” There was something sad in her voice that Kurt didn’t understand. “It’ll be okay.”

Kurt couldn’t dispute her point because he just didn’t know what he thought. Instead he sat up so that he could lean over and hug Rachel. “Love you,” he whispered into her ear.

“Love you, too,” she replied.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys... :dodges thrown objects and slowly creeps towards the door:


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's one song linked in here that you REALLY must listen to at some point. I think you'll know what it is.

**January 31 st, 2020**

The next few days were incredibly quiet. Kurt didn’t hear a word from Sebastian, and he didn’t initiate contact either. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to; he just couldn’t figure out what to say. He still didn’t feel like he could say that Sebastian was right about everything, but he probably could have admitted that it hadn’t been his place to say anything.

It was Sebastian’s “I’m done with this” that always got in his way. Kurt didn’t know if Sebastian would want to hear from him. He wanted to give Sebastian time to calm down and be less angry with him because he was afraid that if he pushed too soon he’d push Sebastian away.

The end result was that Kurt was paralyzed; he couldn’t figure out how to talk to Sebastian, but he also couldn’t stop thinking of things to text him about. Kurt was only now realizing exactly how often they were in contact. His first response whenever something amusing or interesting happened was to text Sebastian about it.

By Friday afternoon, Kurt still didn’t even know if Sebastian was coming that weekend. He knew that Sebastian would have to be there Sunday night for his meetings, but that didn’t mean he’d see Kurt.

If he didn’t hear from Sebastian by the end of the day, Kurt planned to text and ask him to have dinner when he was in town. Kurt had much more confidence in his ability to fix things in person than over the phone.

To distract himself from thinking too much, Kurt lay on the floor of his living room and sang through all of his vocal parts as Elder Price, which he tried to do at least a few times a week so that he would be ready if he ever had to go on. He’d reached act two and was singing through “Spooky Mormon Hell Dream” when he heard the front door unlock and someone walk in. Since it was only three o’clock in the afternoon, he figured it had to be either Kyle or Rachel, so he didn’t bother to pause in his singing.

When he finished the song, he opened his eyes to look back at the door and say hello to whoever had come home. It turned out that the person who had opened the door wasn’t one of his roommates at all.

Sebastian stood at the door holding his suitcase and looking down at Kurt across the room. He was shifting slightly as he stood, and the uncertainty in his eyes was obvious. Kurt just stared up at him for a moment without moving before finally saying, “You’re early,” his tone considering rather than hostile.

It occurred to him that that was the least useful statement he could have made. Somehow his relief that Sebastian wasn’t done with him had left Kurt without any appropriate response to the surprise of having Sebastian show up at his apartment in the middle of the day.

The tension in Sebastian’s body seemed to ease slightly when Kurt didn’t immediately yell at him or kick him out. He moved more fully into the room to look down at Kurt contemplatively.

“Why are you lying on the floor?” Sebastian asked. “Why are you people always on the floor?”

Kurt was interested to note that Sebastian didn’t seem to be any more prepared than he was to say anything useful, but he was distracted by the comment. For one thing, he wasn’t sure how he felt about being referred to as “you people” by Sebastian. For another, he’d never really thought about how much time he and his friends spent sitting or lying on the ground.

“I like to lie down when I sing through the show. It’s a long time to stand and I don’t like to sit when I sing if I don’t have to.” Kurt said, continuing the conversation even though he knew it wasn’t the one they were supposed to be having.

Sebastian glanced around the room quickly and then looked back at Kurt. “You know you have a bed, right? And a couch? There are several places you could lie down to sing without being on the floor.”

Kurt thought about it for a moment. “I suppose. But I like the floor; it makes me feel grounded or something.”

Sebastian seemed to be satisfied with that answer because he crossed the room to sit next to Kurt. “Do you want to finish singing before we talk?” he asked.

“Yeah, I kind of do,” Kurt replied. He didn’t really like stopping in the middle of a sing through; it made him lose momentum. Singing through the last few songs before their conversation would also give him time to process the fact that Sebastian was there and to figure out what he was going to say.

Sebastian nodded and then shifted to lie down on his side. He rested his head on Kurt’s chest and wrapped one arm low around Kurt’s stomach. Kurt was surprised and quirked an eyebrow at the top of Sebastian’s head. Sebastian couldn’t see him, of course, so Kurt said, “You realize you just acted like it was completely weird that I would lie on the floor and sing and now you’re lying on the floor _and me_ while I sing?”

“I noticed,” Sebastian said. Kurt just sighed. He supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised that Sebastian was cuddling him despite the fact that nothing had been resolved between them. Sebastian and Santana were a lot alike that way. They tended to need to know you were still there after a fight more than they needed to talk about the details. Kurt had fought with Santana often enough to be familiar with that method of ending an argument.

Kurt reached his hand up to run through Sebastian’s hair as he sang “[I Believe](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101114267721/andrew-rannells-performs-i-believe-at-the-2011)”. Sebastian relaxed against him at the feel of Kurt’s fingers in his hair, obviously taking the message that Kurt didn’t want to be angry anymore either.

When the song ended, Sebastian tilted his head so that he could look at Kurt. “That feels weird,” he said after a moment.

“That’s because you’re lying all over me while I sing,” Kurt said with a laugh. “Now be quiet; I have one more song to do.”

Sebastian tilted his head back down while Kurt sang through the show’s finale. When the music stopped, Sebastian squeezed him a little tighter and said, “You sound amazing, you know? I really hope you get to go on. People need to see you do that.”

Kurt knew he was blushing and was glad that Sebastian’s face was still buried in his shirt. He never seemed to get used to hearing Sebastian compliment his performances, no matter how many times it happened. “I hope I get to go on, too,” he said finally.

“You really are wrong about Tad,” Sebastian said, still speaking into Kurt’s chest. Unlike the last time they’d spoken, Kurt stayed calm and let Sebastian explain. “But it’s my fault you’re wrong. It’s fucked up for me not to tell you the whole story and then get mad that you don’t know it.”

It didn’t seem reasonable to have this conversation with Sebastian lying on him, so Kurt gently pushed Sebastian’s shoulders. When they were both sitting, Kurt looked Sebastian over for a second. “I didn’t think you were coming,” Kurt said.

Sebastian shrugged and reached over to lace their fingers together. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I’m glad you did,” Kurt replied, running his thumb along the side of Sebastian’s hand.

“Okay,” Sebastian said, taking a deep breath. “I guess I should explain.”

Kurt waited, letting Sebastian work himself up to it as always. “The thing about Tad is that, before he broke my heart, he saved me. I wouldn’t be the kind of person you’d want to be around without him. And he’ll always be important to me because I’ll always owe him for that.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” Kurt said.

Sebastian sighed. “Sorry, I’m shit at storytelling. When I met Tad, I don’t think there was very much about me that was real. He put up with so much shit and broke down so many walls that I’d spent years building up, and I know he got hurt along the way. But he was the first—and maybe only—person who saw something in me worth loving.”

Kurt took a moment to look at Sebastian. He had no idea what to say. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten what Sebastian had been like as a teenager, but right now it was hard for Kurt to imagine Sebastian not being loveable. Finally he gave up on saying anything and leaned over to pull Sebastian into a hug.

Sebastian hugged him back tightly and Kurt let himself relax in Sebastian’s arms. He wished that he were better with words, but all he could do was hold Sebastian and try to figure out why he felt like his heart was breaking.

When Sebastian finally pulled away, he said, “I guess that’s why I’m afraid not to have him in my life. I keep worrying that I’ll go back to being the person I was before I knew him. I know that’s nuts, but …”

Kurt reached up to run the backs of his fingers across Sebastian’s cheek as Sebastian trailed off. “I don’t think you have anything to be afraid of,” Kurt said, and Sebastian leaned in to kiss him in response. When Kurt cupped Sebastian’s face, he felt that Sebastian’s cheeks were damp. He knew his own were, too, so he just kissed Sebastian harder.

They kissed for a few minutes, holding on to each other as tightly as possible, and Kurt could feel his world righting itself. He should probably have been worried about that, but he was too busy being grateful that Sebastian was there.

When they separated, Sebastian rested his head against Kurt’s shoulder. After a moment, he looked back up and said, “It’s not like I can blame anyone for leaving. I know I’m hard to love.”

Kurt had a feeling he could find a lot of people to say that wasn’t true. “I don’t really think it works that way,” he said. “I think everyone’s easy to love for the right person.”

Sebastian sighed. “You always were a romantic. I don’t know. Having him not love me enough to stay … I think it got in my head a bit.”

“I know how that feels,” Kurt said, giving Sebastian’s hand a squeeze. With everything Sebastian had told him that day, Kurt had a feeling it was probably his turn to share. “My college boyfriend broke up with me because he said that I didn’t have time to love him. I haven’t been in a relationship that mattered since, and I’ve never been sure if it was because he was right.”

“Is that what you meant when you said you’d lost sight of a lot of things?” Sebastian asked. When Kurt nodded, Sebastian leaned in and kissed him again quickly.

They sat quietly next to each other for a few minutes, both lost in thought. Then Sebastian looked at Kurt and tilted his head. “Wait, weren’t you dating a guy when you were on tour?”

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “Oh god, Parker? No, I was only with Parker so that I wouldn’t have to buy donuts.”

Sebastian gave him a confused look. “Sometimes your brain makes no sense to me.”

“Um,” Kurt said. He was sure that Sebastian was going to enjoy this way too much. “On the Wicked tour, we had a rule that anyone who hooked up with a local had to buy donuts for the cast the next morning.”

“You’re not serious,” Sebastian said, his eyes going wide.

Kurt nodded. “Totally serious. I had to do a lot of dancing to work off those donuts.”

Sebastian stared at him for another minute and then started laughing. As he laughed, he fell backwards onto the floor, which made Kurt start laughing with him. Kurt laughed until he could barely breathe and he knew that it was partially relief to have Sebastian there with him.

On his way to the theatre that night, Kurt texted Trent.

To Trent:  
Do you think Tad saved Sebastian?

From Trent:  
Saved is probably too strong of a word. But Sebastian is a better man for having loved him.

* * *

 

**February 2 nd, 2020**

After the month Kurt had had, he was happy to spend Sunday night at home drinking with his friends. They were relaxing in the living room, all at least a little tipsy, listening to Kyle’s favorite album, 35 MM.

Kyle and Sebastian were sitting on the floor by the coffee table working intensely on what appeared to be an a cappella arrangement of one of Kyle’s songs. As far as Kurt understood, their only purpose was to amuse themselves.

The two of them were arguing over percussion sounds when Rachel caught Kurt’s attention and rolled her eyes. Kurt couldn’t help but smile. It was easy to enjoy the comfortable familiarity between Sebastian and his friends, especially when he’d spent most of the week afraid that Sebastian wouldn’t be a part of any more of these moments.

Kurt had closed his eyes and was enjoying listening to the music and chatter around him when the song “Make Me Happy” came on.

Rachel disrupted his reverie by announcing, “I’ve decide that this is your song.” Then she gestured at Kurt and Sebastian. “Or it would be if you were actually together and could therefore have a song,” she amended in response to Kurt’s withering glance.

Kurt didn’t really think that made it any better, and he was about to tell her off when Sebastian looked up at him with a grin. “She might have a point,” he said, and then he got up off the floor to join Kurt where he was sitting tucked into the corner of the couch.

Sebastian sat sideways with his legs crossed facing Kurt. Once he was settled, he turned to Rachel and said, “Restart it?” Then he looked back at Kurt with a mischievous grin. When the song started playing again, Sebastian [sang along](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101117564706/make-me-happy-from-the-album-35mm-composed-by) with it. “ _You make me happy all the time, and you know I’m a total dick. But you make me happy all the time. Oh  baby you just do the trick._ ”

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian, who was grinning as he sang to Kurt, but he decided to be a good sport and join in for the second verse. “ _You make me happy all the time, and that is really fucking tough. Still you make me happy all the time. Oh baby, I can’t get enough._ ” It was a ridiculous song for Kurt and Sebastian to sing, but Kurt couldn’t help but think that there was some truth to it. Somehow, despite the fact that they were in an impossible situation, Sebastian did make him happy, as terrifying as that might be.

Instead of letting Kurt start the third verse, Sebastian leaned over and cut him off with a kiss that Kurt could feel all the way down to his toes. They kissed for a few moments before Santana interrupted them. “I don’t really want to watch you two try to swallow each other’s tongues!”

Sebastian pulled back and turned to give her the finger, leaving Kurt staring at him breathlessly. He watched Sebastian bicker with Santana happily, no trace of the sadness that had weighed on him Friday night.

As the [next song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101117873331/the-seraph-from-the-album-35mm-composed-by-ryan) on the album began to play, Sebastian turned back to Kurt and smiled, and Kurt could feel something inside of him giving up the fight as his heart skipped beat. Because he knew, of course he knew, that what he was feeling was love.

Something must have showed on Kurt’s face because Sebastian gave him a puzzled look. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kurt said, although he mostly just felt overwhelmed. “Just tipsy and thinking too hard.”

Sebastian laughed and wrapped an arm around Kurt to pull him a little closer. Kurt was happy to follow along and curl up against Sebastian’s side. He rested his head in the crook of Sebastian’s neck and tried to let the smell of Sebastian’s familiar cologne and the feel of Sebastian’s arms ground him. But the only thing he could think was that Santana had been right when she’d first found out about Sebastian more than a year ago. He really was going to get his heart broken.

* * *

 

**February 3 rd, 2020**

“Never have I ever eaten lobster,” Andrew said, causing everyone else to groan and put down a finger.

Sebastian gave him an incredulous look. “How is that even possible?”

“It smells gross! I’m not going to put something that smells like that in my mouth,” Andrew replied.

Kurt just blinked at Andrew for a second before Santana said what he had been thinking. “Of all the things you’ve put in your mouth, Ivanov, you’re worried about lobster?”

Andrew cheerfully gave her the finger. “Yeah, well. The lobster doesn’t reciprocate. Now shut up and take your turn.”

“I still can’t believe we’re playing this stupid game,” Santana said, causing Lexie to poke her in the side. “Fine. Never have I ever been to Europe.”

Everyone in the circle put a finger down except Kurt, because life was completely unfair. Kurt couldn’t even remember how everyone coming over for drinks had turned in to Never Have I Ever, but they were clearly doing it now.

Lexie was next, so she said, “Never have I ever been in a glee club of any kind,” and then she grinned at the rest of them evilly. Everyone but Kyle and Andrew put fingers down.

Rachel thought for a minute and then shrugged. “Never have I ever had anal sex,” she said, and everyone in the circle to lost a finger.

“Sucks to be you, Kyle,” Sebastian said as Trent gave him a conciliatory pat on the shoulder.

“I’m happy with my sex life, thanks,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes. “Speaking of which—never have I ever had sex with Andrew Ivanov.”

Because Andrew was Andrew, instead of being offended by that, he just said, “Only because Rachel got to you first!” That was a long running joke between Andrew and Kyle. Andrew maintained that he totally would have slept with Kyle if they’d met before Kyle and Rachel got together. Kyle usually agreed.

“Wait … Trent, did you just run out of fingers?” Lexie asked, while everyone looked between Trent, who was blushing, and Andrew, who just shrugged.

“Are you really _that_ surprised?” Trent asked.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Trent. “We are so discussing this later.”

“Does anyone have a personally invasive question for Trent?” Rachel asked, trying valiantly to keep the game on track.

“I got this,” Andrew said, taking a sip of his drink. “If you had an absolute guarantee that it wouldn’t make things weird, would you have sex with Sebastian?”

Trent shrugged and looked over at Sebastian, who quirked an eyebrow at him. “Oh, probably,” Trent said. “Especially if there was any chance it would make him stop asking me for the gory details of my sex life.”

Sebastian laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’d probably get a text from me next morning asking if I gave good head.”

“I’m so afraid that’s true,” Trent said, burying his head in his hands.

The game continued for another hour, by which point Sebastian had nearly fallen asleep with his head in Kurt’s lap, and Trent kept leaning over to put his fingers down. Kurt decided that if Sebastian was actually falling asleep for once he should probably take advantage of it. “Okay, we’re out,” he said after the next time Santana lost.

“Good luck with that,” Andrew said, tilting his head slightly to examine Sebastian. “Or I guess you could just let him sleep on the floor.”

“You get his head; I’ll get his feet,” Lexie offered with a smile.

Kurt just rolled his eyes at all of them and gently shook Sebastian. “Time for bed,” he whispered when Sebastian gave him a bleary smile. Kurt looked up and saw Trent studying him, but he ignored it in favor of pushing Sebastian into a sitting position and then standing to pull him the rest of the way up. Before they could go back to Kurt’s room, Sebastian reached out and gave Trent a sleepy hug.

By the time Kurt had finished washing up and brushing his teeth, Sebastian was completely out. He tried not to worry about the fact that he could barely remember the last time he’d seen Sebastian asleep. It was probably cliché to think that Sebastian looked young, but he really did. Kurt knew that it was weird to watch Sebastian sleep, but he couldn’t make himself look away, especially knowing that Sebastian would be leaving again in the morning. He gave himself a couple of minutes just to watch Sebastian breathe softly and enjoy the feeling of not having to miss him, at least for a few hours longer.

* * *

 

**February 10 th, 2020**

The following Monday evening, Kurt was sitting on the couch watching TV when Santana dropped an envelope in his lap. “Looks like you finally have to decide if you’re going to take a plus one,” Santana said, and then crossed the room to hand an identical envelop to Rachel. Kurt flipped it over and saw that it was addressed to “Kurt Hummel & Guest”. When he opened it, he found the invitation to Mike and Tina’s wedding.

Santana’s mention of a plus one gave Kurt an incredibly bad idea. He really didn’t want to go to Tina and Mike’s wedding alone. Pretty much all of his friends would be there, and they were mostly paired off. It wasn’t like they didn’t all know he was single, but that didn’t mean he had to go solo.

Kurt got off the couch and wandered into his room to plop himself in front of the computer. He opened Skype and when he saw that Sebastian was logged in he hit “video call” before he could talk himself out of it.

It definitely felt like the right choice when Sebastian showed up on his screen smiling. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this Skype call?”

“I didn’t call for sex, Sebastian,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes at Sebastian’s suggestive tone.

Sebastian looked disappointed. “That seems unfair.”

“Maybe later. I have something to ask you.” Kurt said, shooting him a reproving glance.

Sebastian sat up straighter at that. “Okay, shoot.”

Kurt was quiet for a second while he tried to figure out how to ask his question. “So, this is going to sound crazy, but I kind of need a date to a wedding.”

Sebastian laughed. “Really? That’s your crazy suggestion? I will totally sit through a wedding with you … in exchange for sexual favors. Or baked goods.”

“You haven’t heard the crazy part yet,” Kurt said, holding up a finger to stop Sebastian from continuing to talk. “It’s sort of a New Directions wedding.” Sebastian’s eyes widened. “In Lima.”

Sebastian tilted his head slightly as he looked at Kurt, and then he shrugged. “That’s going to cost you a lot of blowjobs and cookies.”

“You’re getting very specific,” Kurt said with a grin. He was pretty sure that was a yes, and it wasn’t like Sebastian was asking for anything Kurt wasn’t happy to provide.

“It really doesn’t pay to be vague,” Sebastian replied, and then he shifted so that he was lying down on his stomach facing the computer. “So, tell me about this wedding.”

Kurt shifted as well, crossing his legs under him and leaning in a bit. “Well Tina and Mike are getting married on May 16th. I’m taking the whole weekend off so that I can be there for the rehearsal dinner, but you could come in late on Friday if you wanted to. Then we’re flying home on Sunday afternoon.”

Sebastian thought for a minute. “I could take Friday off. I really don’t ever use my vacation. Hell, I could take Monday and Tuesday off and hang out with you in New York while you’re free.”

“Really?” Kurt said, sitting up straighter. He hadn’t had a day off with Sebastian since Book of Mormon had started. It wasn’t the least complicated way for them to get to spend time together, but if Sebastian really wanted to, Kurt would definitely be excited.

“Yeah, I was kind of thinking that getting the hell away from work for five days would be a really good idea,” Sebastian said with a shrug.

Kurt couldn’t help but think that Sebastian really needed to get away from work forever, but if five days was what he could manage now, Kurt would take it. “Well, I’d love to have you for however many days ends up working out,” he said. He tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was making plans for three months from now, even though things could change between the two of them at any moment. But things hadn’t changed in a year and a half, so Kurt didn’t think there was much danger.

“Good, then we’ll plan on it.”

“How was your weekend?” Kurt asked, changing the topic carefully. That weekend had been the one that Sebastian had spent with the lacrosse guys.

Sebastian sighed. “It was good. It’s nice to have the guys around.” Then he hesitated before saying. “Things were a little weird with Tad, but Jacques makes a good buffer with that kind of thing.”

“How weird?” Kurt asked. He was glad that Sebastian felt like he could trust Kurt enough to volunteer information about Tad.

“Just … the usual not knowing how to act around each other stuff, I think,” Sebastian replied, with half a shrug. “You know, getting awkward about people mentioning things that happened when we were together. Not knowing what to say to each other about things we used to talk about for hours. The fact that he used to live here with me. The usual.”

Kurt nodded. When he and Luis had broken up, it had been weird every time they had to work together. They’d tended to say almost nothing to each other that wasn’t related to the show or the occasional awkward question about how the other one was. “I know that feeling.”

“I probably won’t see him again until next year, anyways,” Sebastian said, and then he switched the topic of conversation. “How was your day off?”

Kurt told Sebastian a little about spending his day shopping for spring. About an hour later, Kurt got a text from an unfamiliar number.

From Unknown:  
Hey, this is Jacques.

Kurt dutifully plugged Jacques name into his phone. He had no idea how Sebastian’s friend had even gotten his number, although he supposed there were only a couple of options. He was more worried about what Jacques could want to talk to him about.

To Jacques:  
Hey, what’s up?

From Jacques:  
Don’t be too hard on Tad, okay?

Kurt rolled his eyes. He would probably never be in a position to be too hard on Tad, although Jacques probably meant for Sebastian’s sake.

To Jacques:  
I know. Sebastian told me why Tad is still important to him despite how they broke up.

From Jacques:  
Yeah, well. Just don’t assume Sebastian really understands everything that happened between the two of them.

Kurt had no idea what Jacques was talking about. It didn’t make sense that Jacques would know more than Sebastian did about his own break up, although Kurt remembered what Sebastian had said about Jacques being able to see through people.

To Jacques:  
What do you mean?

From Jacques:  
I don’t want to tell you much about it because you don’t need to be stuck keeping secrets from Sebastian, but neither Tad nor Sebastian has ever been a very good communicator. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if neither of them really understood both sides of what happened between them.

To Jacques:  
Why don’t you tell Sebastian that then?

From Jacques:  
I don’t know if it would help him or hurt him at this point, so I’m waiting to see.

Kurt couldn’t really think of anything to say to that. Without knowing what Jacques was really talking about, it was hard to say whether Sebastian was better off not knowing, but he was glad that Jacques was erring on the side of caution when it came to anything that had the potential to make things harder for Sebastian. Even so, he couldn’t help wondering what on earth Jacques knew.

* * *

 

**March 8 th, 2020**

“You know, I really expected thirty dollars-worth of sangria in New York City to be less than that,” Sebastian remarked, looking at the giant pitcher in front of him.

Kurt tilted his head a bit to stare at the pitcher. “I think I’ve made this mistake before. What should we do about it?”

Sebastian gave Kurt a wicked grin. “Consider it a challenge?”

Before Kurt could answer, they were interrupted by the waitress coming to check on them. They were having Sunday night dinner at a French place in midtown, and the waitress was being very attentive. She had obviously developed a huge crush on Sebastian as soon as she realized that he spoke French and was now stopping by the table every few minutes.

When she left again, Sebastian poured them each their first glass of sangria. “A friend of mine wants me to apply for a job at his father’s firm in LA. He kind of implied that if I want the job it’s mine.”

Kurt’s breath caught in his throat as he looked up at Sebastian. For a minute, he didn’t say anything. His mind was racing with thoughts of what Sebastian taking a job in LA would mean. On the one hand, Sebastian’s job made him miserable, so a new job would be a really good thing for him. On the other hand, any new job would mean the end of Sebastian’s monthly New York visits, and a job in Los Angeles would mean that Kurt would probably be lucky to see Sebastian once every couple of years. He hated that he felt torn between wanting things to get better for Sebastian and wanting to be able to see Sebastian, but he couldn’t help it. On top of that, he felt more than a little sick at the idea of losing two of the three people he’d ever been in love with to the same city.

Finally, Kurt managed to pull himself together enough to continue the conversation. “So what are you going to do?”

Sebastian shrugged and looked up from his roll. “I mean, it comes with a promotion and a raise, so that’s attractive. But it’s basically the same kind of work I’m doing now. I think moving all the way out to LA to start a new job that doesn’t get me any closer to what I want would be the wrong move.”

“Clearly you should have made friends with people who have more useful fathers,” Kurt said, breathing a sigh of relief and feeling a bit guilty about it. “Does this mean you’re going to start applying to jobs you actually want?”

“After I’m fully vested in July, I think,” Sebastian replied.

“I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever heard anyone else discuss vesting. And I’m disappointed that it doesn’t involve shopping every time you do,” Kurt said, grinning at Sebastian.

Sebastian rolled his eyes at Kurt. “Doubling the money in my retirement fund is way more exciting than vests.”

“That’s not what you said the last time I wore one,” Kurt replied with a wink.

Sebastian’s eyes widened a bit at Kurt’s suggestive tone, but, just as he started to respond, the waitress interrupted them by delivering their dinner. “It’s like she knows,” Kurt whispered as she walked away.

“She probably does. You’re terribly unsubtle, Kurt.”

Before Kurt could answer—he was perfectly capable of being subtle—Sebastian’s phone beeped. He looked down at the message and sighed. “It’s my mother. She’s reminding me to ask you if you want to have brunch with them the day after the wedding.”

Kurt coughed as he accidentally inhaled his next sip of wine. “Brunch? With your parents?”

“You don’t have to. I should see them, but you can always just sleep in and meet me at the airport.” Sebastian’s tone was nonchalant, but Kurt could see him closing off.

There was definitely a part of Kurt that was terrified of the idea of meeting Sebastian’s parents, but a bigger part of him was incredibly curious. And Kurt probably owed Sebastian one after Sebastian’s accidental lunch with Burt and Carol. “No, I’d like to meet them. I was just surprised.”

“You sure?” Sebastian asked, and he smiled at Kurt’s answering nod. “In that case, I’m sorry in advance about my father.”

“Wait, what?” Kurt asked, wracking his brain for anything Sebastian had said about his father, but not coming up with anything that would require an apology.

Sebastian grinned mischievously. “It’s impossible to explain. You’ll understand when you meet him.”

Kurt couldn’t help but wonder what on earth he’d gotten himself into.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there's that. Yay? (Or not?)
> 
> For a snapshot of Santana and Lexie during these months, we have a [bonus ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725714). 
> 
> So the donut rule is a real thing. I don't know if the Wicked tour has a donut rule (but many tours do, although the specific rules differ). This particular donut rule was borrowed from the 25th Anniversary Les Mis tour.
> 
> WE HAVE A TITLE SONG! And everyone really should go listen to Ryan Scott Oliver's 35MM. It's a freaking great album and, for those of you in the right countries, it is on Spotify.


	21. Chapter 21

**March 22 nd, 2020**

To Sebastian:  
People should really be required to tell you in advance if they’re horrifyingly boring.

From Sebastian:  
Date didn’t go well?

To Sebastian:  
We ran out of things to talk about right after his current show and my current show. Apparently some people actually do have no interests at all.

Kurt had no idea why he was texting Sebastian on the way home from his shitty date. There was something blatantly fucked up about texting the guy you were in love with about the dates you were going on to try to find someone you could actually have. But then, Kurt was starting to accept that fucked up was a fact of his life.

Maybe Sunday night just wasn’t a good time for dates. By the end of a four show weekend, it was so much harder to tolerate people he didn’t already like. But almost all of his friends had plans that night, so it hadn’t been like Kurt had a reason to say no to going out.

By the time he opened his front door, all Kurt wanted to do was change into something comfortable and watch bad TV. As soon as he stepped into the living room, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Santana was sitting on the couch looking exhausted and Andrew was sprawled out across the rest of the couch with his head in her lap. It looked like he was sleeping, although Kurt couldn’t totally be sure.

Kurt closed his eyes for a second as his heart sank. Andrew was pretty good at holding himself together, but when he fell apart it was catastrophic.

“What happened?” Kurt whispered.

Santana looked down at Andrew and then back up at Kurt. “I don’t even fucking know. He was hysterical when he showed up here. All I’ve managed to get out of him is that it’s about Adam. I would have gone and killed Sherlock Holmes already, but Andrew seems like he’s mad at himself.”

That wasn’t really much to go on. Something had happened between Andrew and Adam that Andrew thought was his own fault, and it was big enough to cause a full-scale meltdown. There were so many things that it could be.

“I’m going to go change, and then I’ll come see if I can’t give you a break,” Kurt said, heading back to his room. Kurt knew that Santana loved Andrew in her own fiercely protective way, but it wasn’t easy to deal with Andrew at his most emotional, even for more patient people.

When Kurt got back out to the living room, he and Santana gently lifted Andrew’s head up so that the two of them could switch places. The motion jostled Andrew enough that he woke up, which Kurt had been hoping to avoid. Andrew looked up at Kurt, and if Kurt hadn’t already known that Andrew was upset he would have been able to tell from the pain in his friend’s eyes. “You’re here,” Andrew said, his voice quiet.

“Of course,” Kurt replied.

Andrew blinked at him for another few seconds and then sat up quickly and threw his arms around Kurt’s neck. Kurt held on to Andrew as tightly as he could while Andrew sobbed in his arms. After a few minutes, Andrew took a shuddering breath and said, “I don’t understand why I always have to make such a mess out of everything.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Kurt said, running his hands over Andrew’s back. He knew that it wouldn’t really do any good to argue with Andrew right now. He just had to let Andrew cry it out for a while, no matter how much it hurt him to listen to Andrew crying and not be able to do anything about it.

Kyle and Rachel got home half an hour later, and Kurt could tell that Santana had texted them a warning, because they didn’t look surprised to see Andrew curled up with his face buried in Kurt’s shoulder. Andrew had stopped crying for the time being and was instead breathing in a rhythm that told Kurt that he was counting out his breaths.

Rachel went over to the couch immediately and took Andrew’s hand as she sat down. She shot a worried look at Kurt, but none of them said anything.

Kyle and Santana carried soup and grilled cheese out of the kitchen, and they managed to coax Andrew to eat. When they were finished, Kurt led Andrew back to his room and tucked him into bed, where he fell asleep almost immediately.

Once Andrew was asleep, Kurt walked back into the kitchen and lowered himself onto a stool. He rested his head on the cool counter with a sigh. This really wasn’t how he was expecting to spend his evening. He certainly didn’t resent taking care of Andrew, but he felt wrung out and more than a little useless.

Kurt jumped about a mile when his phone started ringing. It was after ten o’clock at night, so having someone call that late made him nervous. When he pulled his phone out of his pocket, he saw Adam’s name and took a deep breath before answering. “Hey, Adam,” he said, and he could tell he sounded tired.

Adam sounded a bit frantic when he answered. “Is Andrew there with you?” he asked. “His roommates called me to see if they should expect him home tonight because they hadn’t heard from him, and he wasn’t answering his phone, and I don’t know where he _is_.”

“Adam …” Kurt said.

“I’m not trying to find him or anything,” Adam said, as if he hadn’t heard Kurt. “I know he needs space. I just need to make sure that he’s not … that he’s not alone.”

“Breathe, Adam, please,” Kurt said and waited until he heard Adam oblige before he continued. “He’s here, so you don’t need to worry about him being alone.” Kurt was pretty sure that Adam had never actually seen Andrew like this. It didn’t happen that often, and Kurt usually knew about it when it did. It was interesting to note that Adam had figured out that Andrew shouldn’t be alone when he was upset.

“Thank god,” Adam said, letting out another breath. “Sorry for bothering you. It’s just that I thought he went home, so when his roommate called …”

“It’s fine,” Kurt said. “I know you love him. You’re allowed to be worried, no matter what happened between the two of you.” Kurt paused for a moment before deciding that he might as well ask. “Adam, what _happened_? He’s not really saying anything.”

Adam was quiet on the other end of the phone long enough that Kurt wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t hung up. Finally he spoke. “I asked him to move in with me.”

Well, that explained absolutely nothing. “What?” Kurt asked.

“He pretty much responded by panicking, telling me he thought we needed to take a break, and then disappearing.”

Kurt thought about it for a minute. That at least explained why Andrew said that he’d messed everything up, but Kurt had no idea why he would have reacted that way in the first place. He was still going to have to get Andrew to explain a lot; at least now he had a starting point. “Just don’t give up on him?” Kurt said.

“Of course not,” Adam said. “I just … I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Let us know if you need anything, okay?” Kurt said.

“I will. Just take care of him?” Adam replied. Kurt agreed and wished he weren’t so completely incapable of helping either of his friends.

* * *

**March 24 th, 2020**

Andrew spent the majority of Monday and Tuesday asleep in Kurt’s bed. Kurt had never been able to figure out how Andrew could sleep so much when he was upset. It seemed like after a certain point it would be physically impossible.

On Tuesday afternoon, Kurt was in the kitchen making lunch when Rachel came and sat at the island. “Can I ask you something?” she said.

Kurt sighed. Whenever Rachel started a conversation that way, he always ended up wishing he’d said no. “I can’t really stop you.”

“Are you sleeping with Andrew?” she asked.

“What?” Kurt shouted, nearly dropping the plate he was holding as he spun around to look at her. “How the hell can you even ask me that?”

Rachel sat up straighter. “It’s a perfectly reasonable question, Kurt. He’s spent the last thirty-six hours in your bed.”

“Which is what he’s done every time he’s been this upset for the last six years,” Kurt said, keeping his voice under icy control. He didn’t need to start yelling at Rachel, but he sort of wanted to kill her for even considering the possibility that Kurt would have sex with Andrew right now.

“I was never sure if you were any other time, and I didn’t ask because I figured it didn’t matter!”

Kurt crossed his arms and stared her down. “I’m pretty sure he slept in your bed when he was upset while I was on tour. Did you two have sex?”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Well, obviously not, but I haven’t slept with him before.”

“Let’s be clear,” Kurt said, walking over to the counter and gripping it tightly so that he could lean in to her space. “Andrew and I have slept together one time. When we met. I’m not _sleeping with my best friend_ when he’s emotionally vulnerable. And I can’t deal with you right now.”

Kurt was in the middle of a truly excellent storm out when his phone started ringing, so he ended up turning into Santana’s room instead of his own and sitting against her door. “What?” he snapped when he answered the phone.

“Yeah, I can call back later,” Sebastian said on the other end of the phone.

Now Kurt was being rude to Sebastian for no reason. Perfect. “No, please don’t go. I’m just really mad at Rachel.”

“So your week just keeps getting better and better?” Sebastian asked. “What did Rachel do?”

Kurt sighed. “She asked me if I was sleeping with Andrew. Because apparently in her mind the possibility that I’m a terrible person totally exists.”

“Seriously? That’s insane.” Sebastian sounded disgusted, and it made Kurt feel a bit better about his outrage. “How’s Andrew doing?”

“The same mostly,” Kurt said with a sigh. “Kyle’s with him now, but I have no idea how he’s going to get through tonight.”

“The downside of dating someone you work with,” Sebastian said grimly. “Are you okay?”

Kurt had to think about that for a minute. “I’m tired,” he said finally. “It’s always hard to watch him fall apart like this. And making sure he’s not alone eats up a lot of emotional energy.”

“You don’t think he might want to be alone at some point?” Sebastian asked.

“Almost never in general, and never when he’s upset,” Kurt answered. Andrew drew a lot of energy from having other people around, and he tended to want almost no time alone. As a result, he tended to be especially needy when he was having a hard time.

“I can see how that would be hard on you,” Sebastian said, and then he waited a beat and said, “If you’re feeling tense, I’m always willing to help you out.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian’s suggestive tone. “I’m not having phone sex with you. You’re on your lunch break, and I’m sitting on Santana’s floor.”

“But it would be so much more interesting than my job! Wait, why are you on Santana’s floor?”

“I was trying to get away from Rachel, and I’m afraid to touch anything else in her room,” Kurt replied.

Sebastian laughed. “That seems valid. I’m going to leave you to it, then.”

“Good bye, Sebastian.”

* * *

Nobody really spoke on the way home from their shows that night. As soon as they got back to the apartment, Andrew made a beeline for Kurt’s room, and Lexie and Santana followed him. Kurt turned to Rachel, who wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. “I’m sorry about this afternoon,” she said. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I know. We’re all exhausted,” Kurt said, hugging her back. “How was tonight?”

Rachel pulled away from him and walked into the kitchen to pull a bottle of wine out of the fridge. Once she’d poured glasses for the two of them and Kyle, she said, “It was horrible. I don’t know how either of them even did it.”

“Did they talk at all?” Kyle asked.

“No,” Rachel replied with a shake of her head. “Andrew stayed in his dressing room except for fight call, when they didn’t even look at each other. The first time they interacted was when they were on stage kissing as Patrick and Brad. Then Andrew and I went out the stage door, and he acted completely normal until we were out of sight of the audience.”

Kurt flinched. That sounded like an absolute nightmare. “Did you talk to Adam?”

Rachel nodded. “Yeah, I left Andrew with his dresser and went to visit him. He looks terrible, but he told me he was alright and asked how Andrew was doing.”

“Ouch,” Kyle said. “As if we had any doubt that he’s completely in love.”

Kurt looked back in the direction of his room and then over at Kyle and Rachel, then he drained his glass and headed down the hall. It was time to ask Andrew what had really happened.

When he slipped into his room, Santana and Lexie left so that Kurt could lie down on the bed next to his best friend. He reached over to wipe the tears from Andrew’s cheeks with one hand and said, “Rough day?”

Andrew laughed. “Possibly the worst ever. It was like being repeatedly kicked in the chest for four hours. And I’ve never had more trouble keeping in character in my life than when he was kissing me. It felt like I was dying.”

“Please tell me what happened?” Kurt asked, his eyes locked on Andrew’s.

Andrew broke their gaze by rolling over to lie on his back and stare at the ceiling, but he answered the question. “He asked me to move in with him, and I asked to take a break.”

That was a good summary of everything Kurt already knew. He reached out to take Andrew’s hand and then said, “Okay, but _why_ did you say that?”

“I don’t know,” Andrew said, looking back at him. “I don’t know anything about relationships, Kurt. I didn’t really see that coming. I thought … I don’t know what I thought. Not about the next step in our relationship, obviously. And, well, at some point he’s going to realize that he can do better. All I could think when he asked was that I don’t want to be _homeless_ when that happens. So I just said whatever I could to get out of there.”

Kurt reached out to pull Andrew into his arms. He held his best friend tightly and wondered how it could be that it was the people in his life who he thought were unequivocally the best were always the ones who struggled to believe how much they were worth. It hurt Kurt’s heart to watch Andrew go through this. He wished that he could just make Andrew believe everything that Kurt knew about him. “Oh, sweetie, how could he possibly do better than you?”

Andrew pulled his face out of Kurt’s shirt so that Kurt could hear him. “I don’t know! He could find someone who actually has some idea of what they’re doing in a relationship. You know, someone who wouldn’t freak out over completely normal things? And isn’t a needy, emotional mess? Maybe someone with parents who don’t suck? I mean, come on. What if we have kids? All I have as an example is my father!”

Kurt wanted to laugh, but he knew it wasn’t the right reaction. “Andrew, honestly. You just freaked out and told Adam you needed space because he asked you to move in with him, and now you’re thinking about kids? Do you even want kids?”

“Probably someday,” Andrew replied, and then buried his face back in Kurt’s shirt.

They were silent for a few minutes while Kurt ran a hand through Andrew’s hair and wondered what exactly he should say. “Do you have any idea how in love with you he is?” Kurt asked. “He’s not looking to do better. The only thing he can see is you.”

Andrew didn’t answer. He just pulled Kurt closer and held on.

* * *

**March 30 th, 2020**

“I don’t think he’s coming,” Rachel said, walking out of Kurt’s room. They were trying to get Andrew to go with them to Fourth Wall. After a week of him living in Kurt’s room, they had all decided that everyone needed a break. Andrew was doing better than he had been, so they’d thought he would go out with them, but it looked like he’d changed his mind. “He’s afraid Adam will be there for Elena’s birthday.” It wasn’t totally illogical. Elena was playing Alice in Perks of Being a Wallflower and she was another regular at Fourth Wall, so she was celebrating her birthday there. Originally, Rachel, Andrew, and Adam had all been planning to float between their table and her birthday, but obviously things had changed.

“Do you really think there’s any way Adam will go? He knows Andrew is supposed to be there, and he’s been giving Andrew a continent’s worth of space,” Lexie said.

Santana stood up from her stool. “Doesn’t matter either way. It’s tough love time.”

Kurt wasn’t sure about that. Andrew was still a little brittle to handle tough love time. Apparently the rest of his friends had the same idea, because they all followed her down the hall to Kurt’s room.

Santana sat next to Andrew where he was lying on the bed staring at Kurt’s ceiling. “Okay,” she said. “This has gone on long enough. You’re the one who made this mess, so you can either fix it or move on from it, but you cannot drown in it. I’m not going to let you.”

Andrew just blinked at her for a minute, but then he got out of bed and started changing his clothes.

“I’m not even sure why that worked,” Kyle said with a shrug.

They were late getting to Fourth Wall, so the singing had already started by the time they were seated and had their drinks. They’d only been there for about five minutes when it became clear that they had guessed wrong about whether Adam would show up, because he had just walked onto the stage.

When Adam appeared, Andrew reached out almost as a reflex and grabbed Kurt’s arm. Adam didn’t make any introduction, he just waited for the music to start. Kurt knew the song as soon as the opening notes played, and his heart sank a bit; this was going to be painful for everyone.

Adam closed his eyes as he began [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101261091201/jonathan-groff-performs-joni-mitchells-a-case-of). “ _Just before our love got lost, you said ‘I am as constant as a northern star’ and I said, ‘Constantly in the darkness. Where’s that at? If you want me I’ll be in the bar.’”_

Kurt stopped watching Adam after that and just watched Andrew, who didn’t look like he was holding it together very well. It was obvious from Adam’s voice that he was pouring every bit of emotion he could into the song, and Andrew obviously knew it, too. By the time Adam sang, “ _Go to him, stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed_ ,” Kurt could see that Andrew was starting to tear up.

“Are you going to cry?” Kurt whispered to Andrew, although he knew the answer. When Andrew nodded, Kurt grabbed his hand and said, “Let’s go outside, huh?”

Kurt helped Andrew out of the booth, and they headed up the stairs and out into the cold March air. Once they were clear of the door, Kurt pulled Andrew into a tight hug. Andrew held on to the front of Kurt’s shirt as he cried.

They’d only been outside for a couple of minutes when Adam swung out of the front door of the bar and stopped short a few feet away, looking panicked. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I had no idea you were here.”

Andrew turned his head so that he could look at Adam. “It’s fine; I probably deserve it anyways.”

Adam looked like his heart was breaking. “Fuck, Andrew,” he said, running a hand across his face. “No, you don’t deserve it. I don’t want to punish you. I just want to know what happened.”

“I’m not even sure I know,” Andrew said, his voice sounding small.

Adam took a few steps closer to the two of them so that he was standing right next to Kurt. “Could you try to tell me?” he asked.

When Andrew nodded, Kurt decided that it was past time for him to not be a part of this conversation. Andrew wasn’t really standing up on his own, so Kurt looked over at Adam for help. Adam clearly got the message because he reached a hand out to Andrew, who took it and allowed himself to be pulled out of Kurt’s arms and into Adam’s.

As soon as Adam was holding him, Andrew started to whisper “I’m sorry” over and over again.

“Shhh,” Adam said, pressing a kiss to the side of Andrew’s head. “I know, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

“I’m going back in,” Kurt said in a low voice.

Adam nodded and Andrew turned slightly to him to say, “Could you tell Elena and everyone that we’re sorry?”

Kurt headed to the Perks cast’s table when he got back into the bar. He leaned over to Elena and said, “They headed out and said to tell you that they were sorry to abandon you.”

Elena exhaled. “Good lord, if they can figure their shit out, they can leave a million birthday parties.”

Kurt laughed and headed back to his table. “Is it over?” Kyle asked when he sat down.

“I think so,” Kurt replied. He couldn’t imagine Adam and Andrew not figuring it out now that they were finally talking.

“Thank Jesus,” Santana said. “I’m buying us another round.”

* * *

**March 31 st, 2020**

Kurt didn’t hear from Andrew again until Tuesday around lunch time when he showed up at Kurt’s front door. Andrew still looked tired, but he looked happy and tired. All of the panic and fear that Kurt had practically been able to see buzzing under Andrew’s skin had settled, and he could tell that his friend was back on even ground.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night?” Kurt asked teasingly when he let Andrew into the apartment.”

“Shut up,” Andrew replied with a smile. “Not because of that.” Then he thought about it and said, “Well, mostly not because of that.”

Kurt reached out to pull Andrew into a quick hug. He was happy that it was a completely normal Andrew hug, not one where it seemed like Kurt was holding him together. “Do you want lunch?” Kurt asked. Andrew nodded, so Kurt headed into the kitchen. “I’m guessing you guys talked it out?”

Andrew sat down at the island and watched Kurt pull out the ingredients for a salad. “Yeah, we did. We’re going to table the moving in discussion for a little while so I can get used to the fact that it’s a possibility, and I’m going to work on believing that I deserve to have someone be that unreasonably patient with me.”

“One of these days, I hope you’ll figure out that there’s nothing you don’t deserve,” Kurt said, setting the salad in front of Andrew. Kurt didn't think love had much to do with deserving, but it was something Andrew had always been caught up on. Kurt blamed his father, just because it was convenient.

Andrew gave him a skeptical look. “That’s a little hard to believe coming from a guy who got stuck with me moving in to his bed for a week. Besides, someone has to put food on my therapist’s table.”

“Never kicked you out, have I?” Kurt asked. As difficult as it could be to be there for Andrew in times like these, it was what he needed, and Kurt didn’t begrudge him a minute of it. “I’m going to grab the others, okay?”

Andrew nodded, so Kurt shouted down the hall for Rachel and Kyle to come get lunch. They both smiled when they saw Andrew. Rachel pressed a kiss to Andrew’s cheek when she sat down, and Kyle gave him a tight hug.

“I figured I should pick up my stuff,” Andrew said with a smile. “It turns out I don’t actually live here!”

“Only by accident, I’m sure,” Kyle replied.

They ate in congenial silence for a few minutes before Andrew said, “Thank you guys for this week, really.”

Rachel smiled at him and reached over the squeeze his hand. “Any time.”

“Although I think we all get laid more when you aren’t here,” Kyle added. Rachel slapped him on the arm lightly, but they all laughed.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I was REALLY MEAN to Andrew and Adam here, I wrote you guys (or them, I suppose) a very [fluffy future ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725936).


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely listen to Sebastian's first song.

**April 3 rd, 2020**

To Sebastian:  
Can you meet us at the bar at the end of the street at 11:30? We’re celebrating!

From Sebastian:  
Sure. What are we celebrating?

To Sebastian:  
I’ll tell you when I see you.

Sebastian was already at the bar when Kurt and the rest of his friends got to there after their shows on Friday night. Sebastian stood up from his stool when he caught sight of them, so Kurt launched himself at Sebastian.

“Whoa, holy shit,” Sebastian said as he hugged Kurt back. “I get the feeling that this isn’t just you being excited to see me. I’m kind of offended.”

Kurt laughed and leaned in to press a hard kiss to Sebastian’s lips, but Sebastian pushed him away after a second. “Nope, absolutely not. No kissing until you tell me what’s going on. I refuse to be the only one who doesn’t know just because you want to make out.”

“Is there a threshold for that?” Andrew asked from behind Kurt. “Like, what if he wanted to blow you? Or …” Mercifully, Adam cut Andrew off by slapping a hand over his mouth.

“Okay, fine.” Kurt said with a dramatic sigh, choosing to ignore Andrew. “We’re celebrating the fact that as of today it is one hundred percent official that The Longest Distance will be getting a full production at Second Stage Theatre in the fall!”

Sebastian’s face lit up with a huge grin, and, instead of saying anything, he grabbed Kurt by the waist and pulled him back in for a deep kiss. Behind them, Kurt heard a whistle and Santana saying, “Wanky.”

When they separated, Sebastian was still grinning. “Congratulations!” he said, and then he turned to congratulate everyone else.

“Do I get a kiss, too?” Kyle asked with a wink.

Sebastian glanced back at Rachel and then said, “No thanks, I value my life.”

They stayed up way too late celebrating, and Kurt couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face for even a minute. He ended up sitting with his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and Sebastian’s arm slung around him. When everyone else went to go play pool, the two of them were left alone at the table.

“So it seems like you had an eventful month,” Sebastian said, giving Kurt a squeeze. “But I just want you to know that my life has been just as eventful. Like just today we started interviewing candidates for an open position, and it turns out I suck at that.”

“Why do you suck at it?” Kurt asked, resting a hand on Sebastian’s thigh and tilting his head up a bit, even though it didn’t really help him see Sebastian.

“I can never think of a half an hour’s worth of questions to ask them, so then it just becomes awkward,” Sebastian said. “But I was trying to talk about you.”

Kurt shrugged. “We always talk about me.”

“That’s because I’m much more interested in you than I am in me,” Sebastian replied. “So tell me what this news means for you. I get what it means for Kyle and Lexie.”

“Officially, it means nothing for me right now. I don’t have a contract or anything,” Kurt explained. “But—and this is going to make me sound like an ass—I really doubt they’d replace me at this point. Both times we’ve done the show, almost everyone who’s spoken to Kyle, Lexie, or Galina has told them that they’d better not let me go anywhere. And Galina’s very much not the type to be willing to go out and hire a big name for it.”

Sebastian laughed. “You really are full of yourself. I don’t know why I keep you around. So, when will this show be?”

“It starts rehearsals in November,” Kurt answered. It was a long way away, and he knew he was going to have a hard time waiting, although he still couldn’t even believe it was real.

Sebastian pulled away so that he could face Kurt. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to prepare myself to tell people I knew you when. Since you’re going to be such a big star and all.”

Kurt could tell that although Sebastian was trying to play it off as teasing, he was pretty serious. Kurt couldn’t help but be touched by how much Sebastian believed in him. “Yes, you'll just have to enjoy spending time with me now before I become unbearable.”

“Well, that’ll make two of us,” Sebastian said, and then he leaned in and kissed Kurt. They kissed for a few minutes, and Kurt was aware that they were really toeing the boundary of publicly appropriate behavior, but for once he didn’t care. He was drunk and happy, and he had Sebastian with him, which made it hard to care about anything else.

They were interrupted by Rachel’s voice. “Get a room, you two. Honestly.”

Sebastian was grinning when he pulled away. “I’ve always said you have the best ideas, Berry.” Then he turned back to Kurt. “Do you happen to have a room around here?”

“Conveniently, I do,” Kurt replied, and then let Sebastian pull him up from the booth and out of the bar.

* * *

 

**April 6 th, 2020**

They were still in a celebratory mood by the time they got to Fourth Wall on Monday, especially since Kyle started them off by buying the first round. Andrew was going up first, and Kurt could tell that he had something he was trying to work through. As soon as he started [singing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101651475811/f-michael-haynie-performs-the-pile-by-drew), Kurt knew he’d been right. “ _You show up excited, just in time to change my world. But you’re uninvited. I just hide behind my shield. You’ve given me miles, miles and miles. You’ve waited a while and give me so much time. Now I’m on the edge, the point of never knowing, never knowing how much I just keep retreating._ ”

It was hardly a surprise that Andrew was singing about what had happened between him and Adam. There was a reason that he’d become such close friends with Kurt and Rachel so quickly. Being able to sing his feelings definitely worked as closure for Andrew.

When Andrew got back to the table, no one said anything about the song. Adam just quietly reached over to take his hand, and Andrew gave him a bright smile in return. Kurt could tell that the two of them were going to be okay, and he was glad that Andrew was starting to realize it, too.

Kyle and Lexie went up next, and, although they couldn’t say anything about The Longest Distance publicly until the Second Stage Theatre season was officially announced, Kurt had a feeling that they would still be singing about it. He turned out to be right. Lexie started them off, and Kurt had to laugh when he realized that they were singing [[title of show]](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101651647766/part-of-it-all-from-the-musical-title-of-show). “ _A part of steadying a life that seems unstable with a paycheck in my pocket to help me pay the rent. A part of being fine with splurging on the cable and no more calls to unemployment_ ”

Kyle grinned at her and sang the next section, “ _A part of ducking out before the show’s finale to get to the opening night at Tavern on the Green. A part of my sheet music on sale in Shubert Alley and a trendy photo shoot for a homo magazine._ ”

The two of them looked far too pleased with themselves when they got back to the table. “It’s a little meta, don’t you think?” Rachel asked with a laugh.

“That’s literally the point of the show. But yeah, I guess we proved that we could make it even more meta,” Lexie replied with a grin. “Although I don’t see the problem.”

“I’m sure you don’t,” Santana said, rolling her eyes.

Sebastian leaned into Kurt’s space and whispered, “What are they talking about? Or will I be happier if I don’t know?”

Kurt laughed. “Not this time, I don’t think. The song is from a musical that documents its own creation.”

“I think I have a headache,” Sebastian replied.

“Poor baby,” Kurt said, rubbing a hand over Sebastian’s back. Then he looked up and saw Rachel watching their interaction consideringly.

As soon as Sebastian got up from the table to sing, Rachel scooted over to sit as close to Kurt as she could. “So you and Sebastian are awfully cozy,” she said quietly enough that only Kurt could hear her.

“We’ve been pretty cozy for more than a year now, Rach. What’s your point?” he asked, already tired of the conversation he could see coming.

Rachel gave him a pointed look. “You know what I mean. Just because things have been changing slowly doesn’t mean they aren’t changing. You don’t look at him the same way you used to.”

Kurt sighed. “Oh, really? How do I look at him then?”

Just then, Sebastian hopped up onto the stage, and Kurt turned his attention away from Rachel to watch. Hopefully, Rachel would just let Kurt watch Sebastian sing and forget about trying to convince him that he was in love with Sebastian, as if he didn’t already _know._ Then Sebastian started [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101651912071/grant-gustin-performs-run-away-with-me-from-the) and Kurt forgot about Rachel. “ _Let me catch my breath. This is really hard. If I start to look like I’m sweating well, it’s ’cause I am. I’m not good with words, but that’s nothing new. Still I have to try to explain what I want to do with you. With you._ ” Kurt knew the song, of course. It was incredibly popular, but still he was impressed with Sebastian’s performance. He put as much emotion into it as anyone Kurt had ever seen.

“You look at him like he’s the only person in the world,” Rachel said quietly, startling Kurt into looking back at her. “The same way he’s always looked at you.”

Kurt felt his heart clench. There was a part of him that wanted desperately for Rachel to be right: for Sebastian to feel the same way. But the more rational part of Kurt knew that Sebastian would be happier if he didn’t. No matter how Sebastian felt about him, they still couldn’t really have a future when they weren’t in the same place.

“Rachel, seriously. Whatever you think Sebastian feels about me is all in your head,” he said.

“Then why is he singing ‘Run Away With Me’?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. Whether Sebastian had feelings for him or not, “Run Away With Me” didn’t really make sense as something he’d sing about Kurt. “I don’t know. Why has every tenor on earth sung this song?”

“Can the two of you either stop fighting or fight louder so that we can all listen?” Andrew asked, mercifully cutting off Rachel’s answer.

“We’ll stop,” Rachel said. “Kurt’s an ostrich. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

Adam side-eyed Kurt and said, “Why are you an ostrich?”

“Spindly legs,” Kurt answered, which made Adam laugh.

When Sebastian got back to their table, he wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist and kissed him on the cheek. Kurt avoided Rachel’s eyes and started a conversation with Trent instead until it was his turn to sing.

As he walked up to the mic, he wished he’d made a less obvious [song choice](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101652108271/my-eyes-adored-you-from-the-jersey-boys-original) but it was too late to change his mind now. _“My eyes adored you. Though I never laid a hand on you, my eyes adored you. Like a million miles away from me, you couldn't see how I adored you. So close. So close and yet so far._ ”

Rachel stared Kurt down as he sat back down at the table and, as soon as Sebastian was distracted talking to Andrew, she cornered Kurt. “Are you really going to tell me that wasn’t about him?”

“If a song includes the words ‘I never laid a hand on you,’ you can assume it doesn’t apply to Sebastian and me.” It made Kurt feel better to say that, even if they both knew it was a lie.

* * *

 

**April 18 th, 2020**

One Saturday morning, Kurt was awoken suddenly to the sound of his phone ringing. A quick glance at the clock told him it was 10am, so it wasn’t an unreasonable time for someone to call. When he grabbed his phone and looked at the screen, he was confused. The name that flashed on his screen was “Clayton Masters”. Clay was the standby for Elder Price and had been on all week because the lead was on vacation. He and Kurt got along well, but not well enough that he’d call Kurt to chat at 10am on a Saturday.

Kurt picked up the phone. “Hey, Clay,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound like he’d just been woken up.

“Hey, Kurt,” Clay croaked. And holy shit, Clay sounded terrible.

“What’s going on?” Kurt asked, concerned.

Clay laughed and then started coughing. When he’d finally caught his breath again, he said, “Good question! It looks like you are!”

Kurt felt like his brain was working awfully slowly all of a sudden. “What do you mean?”

“I’m sick.”

It must have been clear that Kurt wasn’t entirely with it, if Clay was explaining the obvious. “You can’t be sick. You’re on for Elder Price through Sunday!”

“I know. It’s the worst possible timing for me.” Clay sounded as disappointed as Kurt imagined he would be in that situation. “But I guess it’s great for you! Because—and I don’t think you’re getting this, Kurt—you’re on as Elder Price for both shows today.”

Kurt had not, in fact, been getting it, or at least he’d needed to have it spelled out. As soon as Clay said it out loud, Kurt felt like he’d stopped breathing. “Holy shit,” he whispered.

Clay started laughing and coughing again and then said, “Don’t freak out. You’re going to be fine. And I’m going to go back to bed.”

Kurt nodded and then realized Clay couldn’t see him. “Okay, feel better.”

When Clay hung up, Kurt stared at the phone, trying to wrap his brain around this information. He had been expecting a completely normal two-show day and all of a sudden he was going to be starring in the show instead. And not just once: twice.

Kurt took deep breaths to work on calming down. It was hardly the first time he’d had to perform last minute, after all. He did have understudy experience from Wicked, although this was a totally different scale.

When calming himself down didn’t seem to work, Kurt picked up the phone and called Sebastian.

As soon as he heard Sebastian’s voice on the other end of the phone, he said, “I can’t breathe.”

“Wait, what? What’s going on?”

Kurt tried to control his voice so he wouldn’t sound so panicked. “I’m going on as Elder Price for both shows today.”

There was a clunk and then some swearing and then Sebastian was back. “Sorry, I dropped my phone.”

Kurt laughed. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who was surprised at the news.

“I thought Clay was on all week?” Sebastian continued.

“He was. Until he called me this morning and could barely speak without coughing.”

“Well fuck, Kurt. Congratulations!”

Kurt got out of bed, since he was way too anxious to go back sleep. “I’m kind of freaking out,” he said as he started to walk towards his closet.

“I can’t imagine you wouldn’t be,” Sebastian said. “Just don’t forget that you’ve been working your ass off on the chance you’d get to do this.”

“Thanks for letting me use you as a human pep-talk all the time,” Kurt said as he flipped through his shirts. Kurt couldn’t remember when he’d started calling Sebastian for moral support, but he’d reached the point where just hearing Sebastian’s voice on the other end of the line made him feel calmer. If only Sebastian could be any help at choosing an outfit that would be comfortable on a day when he had enough to worry about, but that would also look great in the inevitable stage door pictures.

Sebastian laughed. “I seriously question your judgment when it comes to choosing me for this job, but I’m, like, one of your biggest fans and stuff, so I’m happy to do it.”

Kurt had to laugh at how far that fact was from anything he’d ever predicted, even though he knew it was true. “Well, if you ever need me to sign a playbill for you, I promise to write you a personalized message.”

“It had better be a dirty personalized message!”

Kurt rolled his eyes as he pulled a pair of skinny green pants out of the closet. “I really don’t know what you’d do with a dirty note written on a playbill.”

“Yes you do,” Sebastian said with a snort.

Kurt shook his head at Sebastian’s implication. “This is why I can’t take you anywhere.”

“You take me everywhere,” Sebastian said, his voice obviously fond. “Listen, I’ve got a few things I have to do, but call me after your first show, okay?”

“Fine, abandon me in my time of need,” Kurt said dramatically, even though he had to shower and wake Rachel and Kyle up so he could tell them.

“I have faith that you’re going to be fine,” Sebastian said dryly. “You deserve this, Kurt, so have fun!”

Kurt got to the theatre really early for the matinee. After he’d told his roommates, called Andrew, and called his father, he’d had trouble sitting still and had decided to just leave the house, figuring the walk would help him calm down. Everyone had been excited for him and annoyed that they couldn't be at the show, although Santana and Lexie were going to try to make it to the evening performance.

When Kurt got to the theatre, he spent some time reviewing his notes and mentally walking through the show. Lucas interrupted him not too long after by shaking Kurt’s shoulders a little and saying, “You don’t need to cram for this, Kurt. You know it.”

“I think this is the most nervous I’ve ever been,” Kurt replied.

Lucas laughed. “Sounds about right. But it’s the first time you get to be a Broadway star, so enjoy it. We won’t let you get into trouble.”

Kurt did enjoy it. The closer they got to the show, the more his nerves turned to excitement. By the time he was on stage singing the first notes of “Hello!”, he was in the moment. He definitely had to think through the performance in a way he didn’t when he performed his usual track, but everything went smoothly.

It was hard for Kurt to tell how he was doing, although he felt really good about it. He was watching “Sal Tlay Ka Siti” from the wings when Aaron, who played General Buttfucking Naked, rested a hand on his shoulder and whispered, “You’re kicking ass out there.”

When the curtains closed after the encore, Kurt was mobbed by the cast and crew hugging and congratulating him. Andrew had already declared that they were all having dinner together, so after taking a few minutes just to breathe, Kurt changed quickly and headed out the stage door.

He wasn’t really prepared for the round of applause that greeted him when he walked out, and he couldn’t help but blush. The first person he saw when he turned to his right to start signing autographs was a familiar face. “Frankie” he exclaimed. “What are you doing here?” It was oddly comforting to see his most supportive fan on a day like this.

“Jack and I … oh, this is my cousin, Jack. He’s from Wisconsin,” she said, pointing to the teenage boy next to her. Kurt waved at him, and he gave a sunny smile in return. “We’d just gotten tickets for the evening show of Perks when I saw your tweet, so I kind of convinced literally everyone I know to come help me enter the lottery. It was Jack who won, though, which was cool.” She blushed a little bit as she continued, “I just really didn’t want to miss this. You were so amazing! I can’t even believe it.”

“You really were,” Jack agreed, nodding earnestly. “I never would have guessed that you’ve never gone on before.”

“Thank you guys, really. It’s great that you could come,” he said with a smile. “If you go to the stage door at Perks, you should tell Rachel Berry and Andrew Ivanov that you saw me.”

“We definitely will!” Frankie said, brightly. “Jack saw the cast on Good Morning America and he has a huge crush on Andrew, so we wouldn’t miss it.”

Jack shot her a look of pure horror. “Oh my _god_ , Frankie.”

Kurt couldn’t help but think that Frankie definitely would have gotten along with Rachel. “It’s alright,” he said, giving Jack a conspiratorial wink. “Everyone’s got a crush on Andrew.” Then he turned back to Frankie. “How’d your college apps go?”

Frankie grinned at him. “Great! I sang ‘[What I Did For Love](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101652669131/what-i-did-for-love-from-the-2006-revival-cast)’ for my NYADA audition and I got in!”

“Congratulations!” Kurt replied and leaned over the barricade to give her a hug. “That place will eat you alive, but you really will be better for it in the end.” He wasn’t surprised that Frankie had killed “What I Did For Love”. He could see how much she loved the theatre every time he spoke to her.

“Can we grab a picture?” Jack asked, a little nervously. Kurt agreed and stepped up to the barrier, resting a hand on each of their shoulders as they smiled at the person holding the camera.

When Kurt finally moved on to the next person in line, the woman said, “Did I hear him say that this was the first time you played the role?” Kurt nodded as he signed her playbill, and she said, “Wow! It definitely doesn’t seem like it. Great job!”

As he moved down the line, signing autographs, taking pictures, and receiving congratulations, he heard Jack say, “Is there anything you don’t say, Frankie?”

“It’s not like I told him about your crush on him!” she replied. “Ow!”

Kurt couldn’t help laughing into the playbill he was signing.

* * *

 

The evening show was even more fun than the matinee. He had the extra boost of confidence from knowing he’d already done it once and that it had gone really well, so he was able to let go and enjoy his second performance a little more. He also knew that Santana and Lexie had gotten tickets, and he was glad that at least some of his friends were there to see him.

Only a few minutes after he got off stage, there was a knock at the door of the dressing room that he got to use because he was playing the lead. Kurt had arranged for Santana and Lexie to come backstage after the show, so he wasn’t surprised.

When he opened the door, he found Lexie and Santana, as he expected, but standing behind them were Trent and Sebastian. For a minute, Kurt couldn’t process what he was seeing. He just stood in the door blinking at his friends.

Santana jogged him back to reality by saying, “Don’t gape at us like a fish, Hummel” and pushing past him into the dressing room with the other three following.

As soon as there was no one in the way, Kurt stepped over to Sebastian and pulled him into a hug.

“Not the flowers!” Trent said, quickly grabbing the bouquet that Kurt hadn't realized Sebastian was holding out from in between them before it got crushed.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked as he held Sebastian tightly. Between the adrenaline rush of the show and the shock of Sebastian being there, Kurt was feeling sort of giddy.

Sebastian snorted. “I just happened to be in the mood for a really long bus ride. Total coincidence that I ended up here.”

“Shut up,” Kurt said, pulling back a bit so that he could kiss Sebastian. He couldn’t help but think that Sebastian taking an unplanned four and a half hour bus trip to see Kurt play Elder Price and surprise him with flowers was one of the most romantic things anyone had done for him in a long time.

After a minute, Kurt broke the kiss so that he could hug Trent, Santana, and Lexie. Then all four of his friends raved about his performance. While Kurt was removing his makeup, Sebastian sat down next to him and grinned at him in the mirror. “I’m just really sad to hear that you aren’t having gay thoughts,” he said, quoting one of Kurt’s lines from the show.

“I don’t know, Smythe. Now that he’s nineteen, you should probably leave him alone anyways,” Santana said from across the room, referencing another line from the show. In response, Kurt threw several makeup sponges at her.

As soon as Kurt had told Rachel and Kyle that he was going on, they’d decided that everyone should meet for celebratory drinks afterward. Kurt had also invited anyone in the cast who felt like coming. There was a big group of them at the bar when Kyle forced everyone to quiet down for a toast. “To Kurt Hummel’s first day starring on Broadway,” he said. “We all know it won’t be the last!”

Half an hour later, Kurt was sitting at a table with his friends when Rachel turned to him and said, “So we met someone who saw your matinee and said you were amazing!”

“Oh, Frankie talked to you?” he said with a grin. He’d known she wouldn’t forget. “She’s my first ever fan, so her opinion is probably biased.”

Santana rolled her eyes, “You kicked ass, Hummel. Own it.”

“I liked her,” Andrew said. “She reminds me of everyone we know.”

“That’s what I’ve always thought. She just got into NYADA, so it makes sense.” Kurt smiled at Andrew. “Also, her cousin—the guy with her—has a huge crush on you.”

Andrew sighed. “See, where were all the guys like that when I was sixteen and thought I’d never have sex?”

“That particular one was probably having the training wheels taken off of his bike,” Adam replied.

Sebastian ignored the two of them bickering and leaned in to whisper in Kurt’s ear. “I hope you don’t mind putting up with me for the night.”

“Well, it’s a terrible imposition, but I guess I have to,” Kurt said with a sigh, and then turned his head to brush a light kiss against Sebastian’s lips.

When Kurt woke up the next morning, Sebastian was grinning at him. “That’s very unnerving,” Kurt said with a groan.

“Exactly what I was going for,” Sebastian replied with a wink. “Also, you got a text, so I read it.”

Kurt wasn’t convinced by Sebastian’s logic, but he wasn’t awake enough to care.

“I wouldn’t have,” Sebastian elaborated. “But it was from Clay.”

“What did it say?” Kurt asked, dragging himself into a sitting position.

Sebastian reached out to take Kurt’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It said, ‘It’s all you again today. Have fun.’”

* * *

 

**April 28 th, 2020**

The 2020 Tony Award nominations announcement was held on April 28th at 8:30 in the morning. Both Medea and Perks of Being a Wallflower were expected to be nominated in multiple categories, so all of his friends especially nervous this year even if they weren’t involved in either show. None of them had ever been nominated for a Tony, of course, but Kurt was pretty sure Andrew was about to change that. Andrew refused to believe it until they read his name.

If it were Kurt who might get nominated for a Tony, he’d probably have to put himself into isolation. Andrew wanted them with him, which wasn’t a surprise. They all went to Andrew’s apartment with a laptop hooked up to the TV so that they could watch the webcast. Santana had attempted to convince them all that it was a drinking event, but at that time of the morning no one was up for it.

Andrew was sitting in the middle of his couch with Kurt on one side, Adam on the other, and Rachel sitting with her back against his legs. They were all pretty sleepy—since only Santana was used to being awake at that hour—so they weren’t exactly being chatty. “Okay, somebody talk about something!” Andrew said. “I’m going to lose my mind just sitting here.”

Everyone else just blinked at each other for a minute, trying to think of something to talk about. It was sort of funny. As a group, they weren’t usually at a loss for words. Finally, Kurt remembered that he did have news. “I got another email from Hadley.”

Andrew perked up, obviously glad to have something else to focus on. “More Confessions of an Ugly Step Sister?”

“Nope,” Kurt replied, shaking his head. “She’s directing Romeo and Juliet at the American Rep, and she wants me to come in for it next month.”

“That’s big news!” Andrew said, slapping Kurt lightly. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us before.”

“I only got the email yesterday,” Kurt said with a yawn.

Kyle gave him a thoughtful look. “What role do you think she wants to see you for?”

Kurt had no idea. There were plenty of young male roles in the play, of course, but Kurt wasn’t sure what Hadley was thinking. “Could be anything,” he said with a shrug.

“Would you go to Boston?” Lexie asked, giving Kurt a pointed look. He knew what she was thinking, and he was trying not to worry about it. Having an audition was a long way from getting cast.

“I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug. “It would depend on the part, I guess. The show closes on October 20th, so that should work with The Longest Distance.” Kurt didn’t officially have a contract for The Longest Distance, but the conversations had started, and he knew that everyone wanted him to do it.

“If you play Romeo, do I get to play Juliet?” Rachel asked, and Kurt knew she was remembering their senior year of high school.

It was sort of a surprise that the memory still smarted a bit, but it did. “No,” Kurt replied, with a wink. “You were a terrible acting partner.”

Instead of being offended, Rachel just smiled back at him. “I was. But we’ve all grown up since then.”

“It’s starting!” Adam said, distracting them all from their conversation so that they could watch the nominations. There were quite a few awards up before Andrew’s category, and both Perks and Medea were well represented. When Best Supporting Actor in a Musical came up, Kurt could tell that Andrew was holding his breath. The hosts opened the envelope and read off two names before saying, “For Perks of Being a Wallflower, Andrew Ivanov.”

The whole room erupted into cheers. Both Adam and Kurt threw their arms around Andrew, who mostly looked stunned. Everyone else joined quickly and they all fell into a pile on the couch. Then Andrew’s phone started to ping repeatedly with text messages.

Santana pulled herself out of the pile and said, “Screw it. I took the day off for this. We’re drinking.”

* * *

 

**May 1 st, 2020**

“I’m going to get spoiled if I keep seeing you twice a month,” Sebastian said, startling Kurt out of his contemplation. Sebastian was lounging on Kurt’s bed, watching him try to pick out an outfit for the next day.

Kurt decided to give up and figure it out in the morning, so he joined Sebastian instead. “I don’t see how you can blame that on me.”

Sebastian laughed and leaned for a soft kiss, bringing his hand up to cup Kurt’s cheek. “You’re very distracting,” he replied as he pulled back. For a moment, they held one another’s gaze as Sebastian ran his thumb along Kurt’s cheekbone.

There was so much tenderness in Sebastian’s eyes that, just for a moment, Kurt wanted to ask what was happening between them. Then the rational part of his brain surfaced and reminded him that it didn’t matter. Even if Sebastian was falling for him, the distance was ultimately going to force them to end this, and giving it a name would only end it sooner. Instead of saying anything, Kurt just pulled Sebastian in for another kiss.

A few hours later, Kurt woke up to find Sebastian sleeping beside him for once. He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but he couldn’t shake the tight feeling in his chest that cropped up whenever he thought about the future and Sebastian. He’d been able to push the thoughts away earlier, but now he had no one to distract him.

Kurt rolled out of bed with a sigh and wandered out to the kitchen in search of some water. He hoped that getting up and moving around would help him get his head back together.

Once he had his water, he decided to go sit in the living room for a while, but when he walked through the door, he realized that he wasn’t the only one who’d had that idea. The lamp by the big arm chair was on, and Lexie was curled up in it, writing in her notebook. He cleared his throat quietly, and when she didn’t respond he whispered, “Hey, Lex.”

Lexie’s head shot up, and she stared at him with wide eyes. “Holy shit, Kurt.”

“Sorry,” he said, although he couldn’t help but laugh at how startled she was. “Just wanted to make sure you weren’t writing in your sleep.”

She laughed and beckoned him over to sit next to her. “Nope. It’s keeping me wide awake, unfortunately.”

Kurt joined Lexie in the chair and wrapped an arm around her while she curled into him to rest her head on his shoulder. “So why are you awake?” she asked once he was settled.

“Just thinking, I guess,” he replied with a shrug.

“About Sebastian?” she guessed without looking at him.

Kurt pressed his foot into the ground to make the chair rock a bit before he answered. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t quite so perceptive.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes and Kurt kept the chair rocking. Finally, Lexie sat up so that she could look at him. “The ability to lie to yourself isn’t really a virtue.”

He wasn’t sure if it was the weird hour, or the fact that, out of all of them, Lexie was the best at keeping a secret, or just that he wanted to tell someone, but for once he didn’t try to deflect. “I’m not lying to myself. I’m just lying to everyone else.”

Her eyes widened a bit, but she didn’t say anything, which forced him to keep talking. “I know I’m in love with him; I’m just not ready to let him go.”

“See, now that I didn’t guess,” Lexie said, giving him a soft smile. “Are you really so sure you have to let him go?”

Kurt nodded. He knew that living happily ever after wasn’t going to be their story. “I learned a long time ago that love isn’t enough.”

Lexie sighed and leaned her head back against his shoulder. After a few minutes, it was clear that they were both starting to nod off, so Kurt helped her to her feet and they both went back to bed.

When Kurt slipped under the covers, Sebastian blinked at him. “You left,” he said, sounding sleepy and a little grumpy.

“You were supposed to be asleep,” he replied.

Sebastian rolled over so that he could wrap his arm around Kurt’s waist and rest his head on Kurt’s chest. “I sleep better when you’re here.”

Kurt pressed a kiss to the top of Sebastian’s head and hoped that wasn’t true. Sebastian didn’t sleep that well when Kurt was there. He didn’t want to imagine what worse would look like.

* * *

 

**May 4 th, 2020**

Andrew was the first person up to sing at their usual Fourth Wall visit that Monday. As soon as he stepped up to the mic, the entire bar started cheering. Andrew just stood in front of them blushing as they gave him a standing ovation. Kurt wasn’t exactly surprised at the reception. It had been less than a week since Andrew’s Tony nomination was announced, and the Fourth Wall crowed was thrilled to be able to celebrate one of their own.

Finally the audience settled down, and Andrew was able to speak. “Wow! Thanks, guys,” he said, and then he introduced his song. “The very first time I sang this song was as an audition for one of my theatre’s shows my senior year of high school. I thought it was appropriate to bring it back today because just eight months after that audition I got on a plane to New York for my freshman year at NYADA, and I haven’t set foot in Nebraska since. So I wanted to sing it because it reminds me of the fact that, as Charlie says in Perks, I am not a sad story.” Kurt felt a shiver run down his spine at the quotation. This was definitely one of those ways in which he and Andrew were alike. A moment later, Andrew began [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101653188011/steven-booth-performs-monticello-by-benj-pasek). “ _Nothing ever happens in Monticello_. _Let’s give a hand for the land of buried dreams. Cause when you hang your hat in Monticello, you end up like your dad and it’s really as sad as it seems_.”

As Andrew sang, Kurt shared a glance with Santana and Rachel, and he knew they were all thinking of high school.

Sebastian interrupted Kurt’s thoughts. “So, can I ask you about Andrew’s story?” he said quietly.  “Because I feel like I’m always getting the edges of it.”

Kurt nodded. He knew that Andrew wouldn’t mind him explaining things to Sebastian. “I think most people are only getting bits and pieces. You know something about his dad, right?”

“Yeah, says a lot of nasty things to Andrew. Doesn’t seem to understand the problem,” Sebastian replied with a shake of his head.

“Yep, and school was a lot of what you would expect,” Kurt said. As he did, he noticed that Adam, who was sitting on the other side of Sebastian, was listening to him as well. “With Andrew’s dad being the way he was, Andrew’s support system was just his theatre group in Omaha. From everything he’s said, they were great, but they were one of those groups where almost no one goes to the same school. And he didn’t date or anything in high school, so he was really on his own.” Andrew’s experience always made Kurt incredibly grateful for Glee Club and Blaine. He hadn’t had an easy time of it in high school, and his friends certainly hadn’t been perfect, but he’d been so much less alone because of them.

Kurt could see the recognition in Sebastian’s eyes. “Ah, shit.”

“Yep, you know Andrew,” Kurt said, confirming that it was going to be exactly what Sebastian was thinking. “As far as I can understand, from both him and his sister, he was the same in high school, except he mostly learned to bury all that crazy, outgoing Andrew charm. So he was just this small, withdrawn, obviously gay kid in a blue-collar Midwest town with a father who really didn’t get it. He was basically tortured, and he just … couldn’t handle it.” Sebastian flinched visibly, and Kurt could tell that he was getting the mental image. “The few times I’ve really talked to Andrew about it, I’ve gotten the pretty clear impression that he genuinely believed he might die there if he didn’t get out. So that’s why he says he’s not a sad story. Because I think there was a time when he really thought he was going to be one.”

When Kurt finished speaking, Sebastian didn’t say anything, he just found Kurt’s hand and squeezed it. Kurt looked up to the stage, where Andrew laughed as he jumped off the stage and exuberantly threw his arms around someone in the front row. Andrew was so unreasonably alive and happy most of the time that it was difficult to imagine him being that unhappy. Kurt had seen glimpses of it on Andrew’s bad days, but he knew it wasn’t the same.

“It’s interesting to hear you tell it,” Adam said. “I mean, he’s told me, of course. But you guys have been close for a long time.”

It took Andrew a long time to get back to them because he was stopped by almost everyone on his way back. By the time he reached the table, Rachel was getting up to sing. “Well aren’t you Mr. Popular,” Adam said as Andrew sat back down.

“You have to give the people what they want,” Andrew replied with a wink.

They all looked up at the stage to focus on Rachel when she stepped up to the mic. “This song is dedicated to someone I love very much,” she said and then she started [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101653495476/im-not-afraid-from-jason-robert-browns-songs). “ _Jenny’s afraid of water. I mean she swims so well, but still, she’s afraid of water. And so she won’t go near the sea. Not me._ ”

Kurt sighed. He was very familiar with Rachel’s song choice, and the only person she could be singing it for was him. He’d never learned how to make Rachel leave something alone, but he wished he could more than ever now. His feeling was confirmed when Rachel met his eyes as she sang, “ _And David loves me; he’s afraid to tell me. David loves me; he’s afraid to trust me. He’s afraid to hold me and he’ll always be. He’s afraid of me._ ”

When she got back to the table, she looked like she was about to say something to Kurt, but Kyle cut her off before she could start. He gave her his most confused look and said, “But I’m _not_ afraid to love you!”

Rachel huffed and dropped into the booth next to her fiancé. “Oh my god, Kyle. Not everything’s about you!” She looked grumpy for a minute as everyone laughed at the irony of that statement and then she finally joined in. Kurt made a mental note that he owed Kyle one for the intervention.

The next time Rachel tried to talk to Kurt about it, he was saved by the fact that he had to go on stage. Kurt, Sebastian, Kyle, and Lexie were all singing backup for Santana that night. Apparently it was the night for songs about high school, because Santana’s [song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/101653805091/lindsay-mendez-jay-armstrong-johnson-alex) always reminded him of McKinley, as terrifying as that was.

Kyle, Sebastian, Kurt, and Lexie started the song off for her by singing, “ _Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, down on your knees before the queen. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, down on your knees before the queen._ ”

Then Santana started to sing the verse. “ _Sarah Berry was a popular bitch. Hot bod, hot boy, cheer captain, plus she was rich. She had everything ‘till hiccup and hitch, Julie Jenkins lost her leg in a wreck._ ”

Kurt enjoyed singing and playing off of his friends, throwing all the sassy attitude he was capable of into the song. He resolved that he was simply going to ignore Rachel and all of her opinions for the rest of the night. He’d have to deal with her eventually, but for tonight, he was just going to enjoy himself.

Rachel finally did manage to corner him when they got home that night. She walked right into the bathroom without knocking while he was brushing his teeth. “Oh my god, Rachel!” Kurt exclaimed, although it came out muffled around his toothbrush.

“Whatever, you’re not naked,” she said, leaning against the door and looking at him. “We’re going to have to discuss this at some point.”

“I don’t see—” he said, and then he rolled his eyes and spat into the sink. “I don’t see why we have to talk about it.”

For a moment, Rachel just looked at him as if she were trying to will him to stop being so stupid. “Because you’re in love, Kurt. And I want you to be happy.”

“Rachel, I really do appreciate your concern, but I’m doing the best I can. And I am happy.” He honestly wasn’t really sure what she wanted from him. He wasn’t lying when he said he was happy; the problem was knowing that it wouldn’t last. But he was sure that Rachel didn’t have a solution for that.

“I think you’re giving up on him too easily,” she said, almost in a whisper.

Kurt reached out and pulled her into a hug. “I’m not giving up on him.” He knew what she meant, but he didn’t think he was giving up without trying. If there had been a way out of this, Kurt was sure he would have thought of it by then.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The (fake) blog waitinginthewings.com did an interview with a certain Kurt Hummel after his star turn in Book of Mormon, and you can check that out [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2558993). 
> 
> RUNAWAY WITH ME! I didn't pick it because Grant had sung it. I've ALWAYS planned that Sebastian would sing that song. It was one of the first songs I picked for this fic. So I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT when I found out that Grant had sung it. This freak out is [totally documented](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/47059511507/okay-so-heres-why-im-flailing). 
> 
> Also, What I Did For Love is the one and only song that I chose for this fic knowing that it had already been used on Glee. It was actually one of the last songs I chose for the fic even though it's been one of my songs for nearly a decade. The rationalization for why I was fine with using it was a) I looked for a song for Frankie's audition for A REALLY LONG TIME and I never found anything that was right except this. b) I don't complain about Glee much, but, I've always thought they wasted it a bit and didn't use it correctly and, since What I Did For Love is one of my songs, I have a lot of feelings about it.


	23. Chapter 23

**May 11 th, 2020**

“So Romeo and Mercutio, huh?” Andrew said, dropping down onto Kurt’s bed next to his clean laundry. Kurt had just gotten the call from his agent letting him know that he was called back for Romeo and Juliet. It was Monday and his callback was on Thursday, the day before they left for Tina’s wedding.

“That’s what they’re having me read,” Kurt said. “You know as well as I do that it doesn’t mean they won’t cast me as something else.”

Andrew nodded. “Obviously, but you’d be great as either.” Kurt grinned at Andrew, appreciating the vote of confidence. “But if you got one of those two, you’d go, right? You’d have to.”

Kurt sighed. He’d come to the same conclusion as Andrew. There was no way he would conceivably turn down playing either role at a theatre like the American Rep, especially with Hadley directing. It wasn’t a show that had a chance to transfer to New York, but with The Longest Distance starting barely over a week after Romeo and Juliet closed, it wasn’t going to matter. The trouble was that going to Boston for a few months was going to make a huge mess of his life. Logically, he’d known that he was going to have to leave the city for a show at some point; he just hadn’t figured that it would be so soon. “Yeah, of course I’d go,” Kurt replied. “I don’t really think I’m going to get it, though.”

“Is that why you haven’t told Sebastian?” Andrew asked, a little bit pointedly.

For a couple of minutes, Kurt said nothing and busied himself folding his clothes. It had been incredibly weird not to say anything to Sebastian about his audition. But Kurt just couldn’t imagine calling him up and saying, “Hey, what if I moved to Boston for a few months?”

Kurt couldn’t think of a way that moving to Boston wouldn’t change things between him and Sebastian. Either they’d barely see each other and it would call into question how close they really were and why they were bothering, or they’d be together constantly and then how would they ever go back to seeing each other only once a month? The more Kurt thought about it, the more he was sure that Boston was going to be the end of this thing between the two of them, one way or another. There was no point in dealing with it unless he was sure it was happening.

Finally he looked back at Andrew and said, “Yeah, I figure why get his hopes up or scare him unnecessarily, whichever. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Andrew just shook his head at Kurt. “You really are an idiot, you know.”

“Probably,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“So I’ve been thinking …” Andrew said, picking up one of Kurt’s sweaters from the bed and playing with the cuff.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“That doesn’t get funnier with time,” Andrew replied. Then he leaned over so he could hit Kurt with the sweater. “Pay attention, this is important.”

“I’ll pay attention if you stop abusing the knitwear.” Kurt pulled the sweater out of Andrew’s hands, but he obligingly went to sit next to Andrew.

“I’m thinking I might do The Longest Distance in November,” Andrew said in a rush.

Kurt had to process that for a minute. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Andrew would leave Perks so soon. He had assumed that they’d recast Andrew’s role in The Longest Distance. “You just got nominated for a _Tony_. Are you really considering leaving?”

Andrew sighed and flopped back on to the bed. “It’s just that I sort of have to decide now or let them find someone else. And my contract will be up by then.”

“I know,” Kurt replied. “I just expected you to do Perks for more than a year.”

“I love playing Patrick; you know I do. I love that I can bring him to life, and I love how much he means to people. But I can’t be him forever, Kurt,” Andrew said, and then looked Kurt straight in the eyes. “It just costs me _so much_.”

That Kurt understood. It was hard to pour so much of your own damage into a role without it eventually becoming too hard to pull it all back in. And, counting the off Broadway production, Andrew would have been playing Patrick for more than a year by the time he left. It was a long time to live with a show with such difficult themes, especially when they hit too close to home. “Of course it does,” he said, reaching out to take Andrew’s hand and squeeze it. “Are you okay, though?”

“I’m okay,” Andrew replied with a smile. “I just really think that I’ll be ready to hang it up by November. And I don’t really want to miss out on doing The Longest Distance; it kind of feels like our baby.”

Kurt had to laugh because it was so true. It really did feel like a group project with all of their friends. “Well in that case, I’ll be glad to have you with me.”

* * *

 

**May 15 th, 2020**

The New York contingent flew out to Ohio early on the Friday before the wedding so they arrived in Lima with plenty of time to relax and prepare for Tina’s rehearsal dinner at seven. Sebastian worked a half day, so he didn’t get to the hotel until six, giving him just enough time to shower and change. But that didn’t keep him from being a distraction.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join me?” Sebastian yelled from the shower.

Kurt rolled his eyes at himself in the mirror as he adjusted the pink tie he was wearing with his navy suit. “You’re asking the wrong question! I _can’t_ join you because we have to make it to this dinner.”

“Your loss!” Sebastian shouted back, and Kurt was quite sure it was. But really, if Sebastian had wanted to shower with Kurt, he should have shown up earlier.

Although, when Sebastian stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, Kurt couldn’t help but regret the fact that they had to leave in only a few minutes. Sebastian examining him intently didn’t help either. “Do you need something?” Kurt asked.

“Possibly for you to wear suits more often,” Sebastian said. Then he dropped his towel, crossed the room, and pressed a hard kiss to Kurt’s lips. Sebastian didn’t touch any other part of Kurt’s body, presumably to avoid getting yelled at for dripping on the suit, but still Kurt could feel the kiss everywhere.

“You’re awful,” Kurt said, his voice not quite as steady as he would have liked as he watched Sebastian walk over to the closet where his garment bag was hanging.

“I know,” Sebastian replied with a wink. “But it’s one of your favorite things about me.” Kurt couldn’t argue with that, so he said nothing.

* * *

 

Kurt had been expecting Tina’s wedding weekend to feel like a giant New Directions reunion, and he was right. It started Friday evening. So much of the guest list consisted of either family or out of town guests that Mike’s parents had decided they might as well invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner. Aside from the sit-down portion, which ended quickly, most of the night consisted of floating around and mingling. Around 9pm, Kurt found himself suddenly, and rather surprisingly, alone at his table. He closed his eyes to enjoy the moment of relative peace, and as soon as he did, he heard someone drop into the booth across from him.

“Are you planning on falling asleep right here?” Blaine asked.

Kurt opened his eyes and gave Blaine his most judgemental look. “Obviously not. I was just understanding why I was always so tired in high school.”

“Well I’m glad you’re awake, because I have news,” Blaine replied, obviously choosing to ignore Kurt’s comment.

“News, huh?” Kurt asked. He was curious what kind of news Blaine would want to tell him alone rather than telling the entire group.

Blaine nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t want to tell people right now because I didn’t want to steal Tina’s thunder, but I thought I should tell you in person.” Kurt just quirked an eyebrow at Blaine to tell him to get on with it. “Zeke and I are engaged!”

“Well, finally!” Kurt replied with a grin. “I was beginning to think you were never going to propose! You were the one who did, right?” It was sort of hard to imagine Zeke proposing, but stranger things had happened. Blaine grinned and nodded, though, so Kurt asked, “How’d you do it? Was there a public serenade? Did you tell him to keep his toys in the drawer?”

Blaine groaned and dropped his head to the table. “Nine years, Kurt. Nine years. How are you still bringing this up?”

“It was a very memorable moment in my young life,” Kurt replied with a laugh. “I feel like I’ve earned the right to tease you about it forever. But really, _was_ there a public serenade?”

“There was no public,” Blaine said, sitting up.

“See, I always figured that would be your thing.”

“I did too, at one point,” Blaine said, and then he looked over his shoulder to where Zeke was sitting in a booth on the other side of the room with Brittany’s head resting on his shoulder. Zeke noticed Blaine’s glance and shot him a dazzling smile. When Blaine looked back at Kurt, he looked more than a little lovestruck. He ducked his head for a second, blushing, before he looked back up and said, “I just figured that, since I was proposing to Zeke, it should be about what he would want.”

Kurt had to agree. “Okay, so what did you do?”

“I rented out our favorite restaurant and filled it with candles,” Blaine replied. “Then I brought him in with his eyes closed and started playing our song on the piano and singing along.”

“Your favorite restaurant has a piano?” Kurt asked with a grin.

Blaine laughed. “Would it be my favorite if it didn’t?”

Something was still tugging at Kurt’s mind and he couldn’t let it go, so he gave up trying and asked Blaine about it. “Why did you feel like you had to tell me in person, Blaine? We’ve been broken up for seven years, and you’ve been with Zeke just as long. You had to have known I wouldn’t be anything but happy for you.”

“I did know,” Blaine replied, and stopped to think for a minute. “I guess I thought I should tell you in person because the last time I was planning to propose, it was to you.”

That threw Kurt for a loop. “When were you planning to propose to me?” he asked.

Blaine stared as his hands for a minute. “Spring break of my senior year. I bought a ring, actually.”

Kurt had to take a minute to adjust to that. It was strange to find this out after so many years. “So why didn’t you propose, then?”

“Would you have wanted me to?” Blaine said, giving him a bit of a puzzled look.

“It’s hard to say in retrospect,” Kurt answered, and then thought for a minute more. “It would have made everything so much more difficult.” He couldn’t help but wonder if Blaine proposing would have changed things or if it just would have made it all hurt more.

“Yeah, I think realizing that I had no idea what I was doing with my life was part of it.” Blaine shot him a wry smile. “And I kind of realized that I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Watching Jan and Liz get engaged and hearing them talk about everything they had to get through to get where they were. I finally figured out that you don’t use an engagement to convince someone you’re willing to do the work; the engagement is the result of the work. So I figured I’d keep the ring until we were ready to make that promise.”

It took Kurt a minute to remember who Jan and Liz were. He’d only met them the one time, although Blaine had kept in touch with them. He was going to need some time to sort through the idea that, during those incredibly difficult months at the end of Kurt’s first year at NYADA, Blaine had been holding on to a ring imagining he’d use it to propose to Kurt someday. “What did you do with it?” he said, unable to stop himself from asking.

“Jan let me return it during Christmas break my freshman year,” Blaine said with a shrug. “I took it with me to California when I left the first time. I wasn’t quite ready to admit I’d never need it.”

Kurt was quiet for a second as he tried to line that up with his memories of that year. Blaine would have flown out to LA with the ring because he wasn’t ready to believe they were done, and then he’d met Zeke only a week or so later. Then he would have packed the ring in his suitcase so that he could return it and, at the same time, brought his new boyfriend home with him for Christmas. Kurt shot his own glance over at Zeke, who was now playing with Brittany’s hair. “That must have been weird for Zeke.”

Blaine winced a bit at that. “You and I haven’t talked much about those months. A lot of things were weird for Zeke then, and I’m not really proud of any of them.”

“So is that why you waited all this time to propose?” Kurt asked. “You were doing the work?”

“I don’t really think it ends. But we’re good at it. We want to do it for the rest of our lives,” Blaine replied. “Mostly we just wanted to feel like we were really adults.”

Kurt understood the feeling. The first couple of years after college had been a bit of a rollercoaster, all things considered. “I’m so glad that you’re getting your happily ever after, Blaine,” he said with a smile.

“Thanks,” Blaine said with a grin. “It really does mean a lot.”

“So are you really not telling anyone else because you don’t want to steal Tina’s thunder or is there another reason?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged. “No, that was the only reason.”

Conveniently for Kurt, Tina had just managed to free herself from Mike’s great grandmother and was heading past them to the bar. “Hey, Tina!” he shouted, before she could get too far away.

Tina changed course and came over to sit next to Blaine. “What’s up?” she asked.

“Blaine here has some huge news, but he’s not telling everyone because he doesn’t want to upstage you,” Kurt replied and then laughed as Blaine glared at him playfully.

Tina flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned an intense look on Blaine. “Are you keeping secrets from me on my wedding weekend, Blainey-days?”

“ _When_ was the last time you called me that?” Blaine asked, coughing a little as he choked on a sip of his drink.

“A really long time ago,” Tina answered. “Stop trying to distract me and tell me the news!”

Blaine sighed and said, “Well, I tried. Okay … I proposed to Zeke!”

Tina squeaked and threw her arms around Blaine’s neck. “Oh my god! Blaine!” When she pulled back a second later, she slapped him lightly on the arm. “I can’t _believe_ you weren’t going to tell me. He said yes, right?”

“Of course he said yes!” Blaine said, looking a bit affronted.

“And now you’re going to go up there and tell everyone?” Tina asked, motioning to the front of the room. “Because I’m really not worried about you stealing my spotlight this time, Blaine. And you guys should get to enjoy it.” Kurt couldn’t help but mentally pat himself on the back for having been right about Tina’s reaction.

“Are you sure?”

Tina rolled her eyes. “Of course I am.” Then she stood up and straightened her dress. “I’m going to go find my fiancé. I’ll meet you in the front of the room?”

Blaine nodded and then he caught Zeke’s eye and waved him over. When Zeke got to the table, he looked over at Tina and then back at Blaine, raising an eyebrow in an obvious question. “Kurt decided to tell her,” Blaine explained. “She wants me to tell everyone.”

“I told you she wouldn’t be upset,” Zeke said, resting a hand on Blaine’s shoulder.

“Is it okay with you if I do?” Blaine closed his hand over Zeke’s. “Because I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”

Zeke rolled his eyes and smiled at Blaine. “Of course it’s okay. Go!”

“You’re sure?” Blaine asked. He received a stern look from Zeke in return and said, “Okay fine, you’re sure.”

When Blaine stood up, Zeke grabbed his wrist to pull him in for a kiss, and Kurt distracted himself by texting Andrew so that he wouldn’t be awkwardly watching. He still heard Zeke whisper, “I love you so much,” before letting Blaine go.

“He acts like I might not tell him if I was uncomfortable,” Zeke said with a laugh, taking Blaine’s place across from Kurt.

“Yes, how did he get that idea?” Kurt deadpanned. Then Kurt smiled and said, “Congratulations, Zeke!”

“Thanks,” Zeke replied. “I know it’s fast, but …”

Kurt laughed. “Yeah, are you planning on taking six years to get married now, too?”

“April 17th,” Zeke said, which wasn’t quite an answer to the question.

“What?” Kurt asked, and then he thought about it. “Wait, you set a date?”

Zeke grinned and said, “Mark it in your calendar!”

“Have you made any other giant decisions in the last five days? Are you buying a bigger house? Having kids? Changing your name?”

“The house is plenty big enough, someday but not soon on the kids,” Zeke said. “And I’m taking Blaine’s name.”

“Really?” Kurt asked. It was hard for him to imagine giving up his name. It was too much a part of him.

Zeke shrugged a bit and then looked down at his hands. "I just don't want anything of his."

Kurt had to take a minute to think about that. Zeke had a tendency to skip steps in his head, which meant you had to jump along with him. Since it was obvious Zeke wanted plenty of Blaine, he had to be talking about his father, which—considering that Zeke had had the worst coming out experience of anyone Kurt knew—seemed reasonable. "But it's yours too, right?"

"Doesn't feel like it," Zeke said without looking up. "What Blaine and I have … what we've built; that's mine."

Kurt reached over and wrapped his hand around Zeke's where it rested on the table. "I'm glad you're doing what makes you happy."

Zeke looked at Kurt and then up to the front of the room where Blaine was having a discussion with Tina and Mike. "I don't think I ever imagined I'd be this happy."

Despite how thrilled he was for his friends, Kurt felt a bit of a twinge at that. He wished that things could be that straightforward for him, but that never seemed to be how things worked out.

Tina and Blaine seemed to have settled whatever they were discussing, because Tina started waving at the front of the room to get everyone’s attention and then introduced Blaine so that he could make his announcement.

As soon as Blaine said he was engaged, he was mobbed by most of New Directions, although Mercedes, Unique, and Ryder, who’d been sitting in the back of the room, stopped to congratulate Zeke first.

Sebastian wandered over to their table next and rested a hand on Zeke’s shoulder. “So you’re going to be an old married man, huh?”

Zeke shrugged and smiled happily. “Well, I’m going to be married.”

“Have it your way,” Sebastian said and then leaned down to hug Zeke.

Kurt was a little surprised at their familiarity. He knew that they’d met a couple of times, but, considering that Zeke would rather eat glass than be around Santana most of the time, Sebastian didn’t really seem like someone he’d bond with.

“Puck is trying to convince me to do Jager Bombs,” Sebastian said, sliding into the booth next to Kurt and taking his hand.

“He does love Jager Bombs,” Kurt replied. “You said no, right?”

“God yes. I don’t mix my liquor with energy drinks any more. I’m too old,” Sebastian said, and then he paused for a minute. “Oh god. I’m _too old._ I think I’m about to have a quarter life crisis!”

“Over Red Bull and liquor?” Kurt asked, shooting Sebastian his most judgemental look, which made Zeke laugh.

Sebastian just huffed in response and stole Kurt’s drink, but Kurt didn’t bother to complain.

* * *

 

**May 16 th, 2020**

The next morning, Kurt was awoken from a hazy half sleep by the sound of his phone ringing. He’d just woken a bit, checked the time, and decided that he had plenty of time to cuddle back in to Sebastian and get another half an hour of sleep, but apparently the idea was too good to be true.

Sebastian grumbled a few choice words and reached over to the nightstand to grab Kurt’s phone. “It’s Blaine,” he said, sounding more awake than Kurt felt, as usual.

“What?” Kurt asked into the phone, imbuing the one word with all the annoyance he felt at having his morning disrupted.

“Sorry, Kurt, but we need help, and you did tell me to call if Tina needed anything today,” Blaine said, and he did sound at least a bit remorseful. Technically, Kurt had no duties this morning since he wasn’t in the wedding party, but Blaine, as Tina’s person of honor, had gotten up for her 9am hair and makeup appointment. Kurt did remember offering to help if they needed anything, but he was pretty sure he’d been a few drinks in and shouldn’t have been held to anything he said.

“He can’t come down there, Anderson,” Sebastian said loudly enough for Blaine to hear him through the phone. “He owes me hotel shower sex!”

Kurt rolled away from Sebastian’s wandering hands to flop over onto his back as Blaine said, “Tell him he should have gotten up earlier. That’s what I did.”

“This is the worst morning of my life,” Kurt said, as he pulled himself out of bed. “I’ll be down in forty-five minutes?”

“Good enough,” Blaine replied.

Sebastian gave a loud, dramatic sigh as Kurt started to walk into the bathroom, so Kurt turned back to him and raised his eyebrows. “We only have forty-five minutes. Are you just going to laze around?” he said, and then he laughed as Sebastian practically threw himself out of bed to follow him.

* * *

 

When Kurt finally got to the door of Tina’s bridal suite, he found Rachel already waiting for him. Apparently, Blaine had decided that Kurt was going to need help with whatever this task was, and he’d called in Rachel as reinforcement.

Blaine stepped out the door, looking a bit harried, and said, “Oh, thank god. Can you guys run a few errands? Kurt, you have Carol’s car right?”

“Yeah, I do. What do you need?” Kurt replied.

“We really need a CVS run. The manicurist doesn’t have a shade of nail polish that matches the color scheme of Tina’s floral arrangements and apparently this is a Big Deal. And some moleskin. I guess the bridesmaids’ shoes pinch. Oh, and safety pins. I was going to bring my own, but I wasn’t sure if I could get them on the plane …” Blaine took a breath and ran a hand over his face.

“You could have made a list, Blaine,” Rachel said, a little indignant.

Kurt had already grabbed his phone and started writing things down. “You actually can bring safety pins on the plane. Do you need anything else?”

“Could you also stop for bagels or something? I thought the hotel was providing breakfast this morning, but they only thought they were providing mimosas. I really don’t need Tina passing out from hunger on her wedding day.”

Rachel reached over to lay a hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “We’ll take care of it. You just get her to the end of the aisle at five o’clock!”

Kurt couldn’t help but think that whenever Rachel and Kyle finally got married, he would end up looking just as harassed as Blaine, if not more, knowing Rachel.

The CVS was only a few minutes’ drive from the hotel where Tina’s wedding was being held, but Kurt enjoyed it anyways. He loved New York but, as a mechanic’s kid, he hated how infrequently he was able to get behind the wheel of a car. It was calming feeling to be able to hop in and go wherever he wanted.

“It really is funny how things work out, isn’t it?” Rachel said as they turned on to the main road.

“What do you mean?” Kurt asked, not sure what she was referring to, although it could have been any number of things.

“Just Tina and Mike, I guess,” she said with a shrug. “It sort of feels like the universe was on their side, doesn’t it? Giving them time to be apart and grow into themselves and then putting them in the same place again?”

It had been a strange set of coincidences. Tina had gone to Berkeley when she graduated from McKinley. Mike had finished at the Joffrey Ballet School a year later and had been hired by the San Francisco Ballet, which had put the two of them within fourteen miles of each other. The rest was history. “I’m not sure I believe the universe has agency, Rachel,” Kurt said. “But everything definitely had to happen exactly the way it did for them to have ended up here.”

“I suppose you could say that about any of us,” Rachel mused. “What if I hadn’t gone to that audition and met Kyle? What if Blaine sat somewhere else at orientation and didn’t meet Zeke? What if you hadn’t let Andrew drag you out of the house that night …”

Kurt usually tried not to wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t gone to that bar. It was all so tenuous. And he really wasn’t sure whether he and Sebastian were going to be better off for it in the end. He supposed it was too soon to tell. “Don’t start getting deep on me now,” he said with a laugh. “We have a whole wedding to get through!”

The two of them split up when they got to the plaza. The CVS happened to be right next to a Panera Bread, and, since Kurt was obviously going to have to be in charge of selecting the correct nail polish color, Rachel volunteered to get bagels and cream cheese.

Kurt was distracted comparing a shade of pink nail polish to a picture of Tina’s flowers when a voice next to him said, “Can I help you?”

It was sort of ridiculous, actually, that Kurt hadn’t noticed the man walk up to him. He certainly took up plenty of space. As Kurt took in the man’s appearance, he realized that this particular CVS employee was entirely too familiar. Sure enough, when his eyes flickered down to the man’s name tag, it read, “Azimio A., Assistant Manager.” Kurt’s stomach clenched as he read Azimio’s name, and he wondered how on earth he had let himself forget what a small town Lima was. “No, I’m okay,” he said, hoping that if he didn’t say anything, Azimo wouldn’t either.

Luck was not on his side; Azimio looked him up and down and said, “Holy shit! Kurt Hummel. I didn’t expect to see you back in town.”

“Oh, I’m just here for a wedding,” Kurt replied, his mouth running on autopilot. He was far too old to simply stalk out of the CVS and find a different convenience store, no matter how much the voice of his seventeen-year-old self in his head was telling him that he couldn’t just make small talk with Azimio Adams.

“Oh yeah, Mike Chang, right? I heard from some of the guys that he was getting married. You want me to ring you out?” Azimio asked, pointing to Kurt’s basket. Kurt had everything he’d come for, so he just nodded vaguely and followed Azimio to the register. “So what have you been doing?”

“Oh,” Kurt said with a nervous laugh. He was still reeling from the shock of the conversation. “I’m still out in New York. On Broadway, actually.”

“Really?” Azimio asked, giving Kurt a slightly awkward smile and leaving him to try to remember if he’d ever seen Azimio smile at all before. “Good for you, man. You were always really into all that music stuff. I’m glad it’s working out for you.”

Kurt blinked at him for a second but recovered enough to say, “How are you doing?”

“Not too bad. Just got promoted here. It’s just a job, but it pays the bills. And I got married about a year ago now.”

“Congratulations,” Kurt said, trying to imagine Azimio getting married. “Anyone I know?”

“Nah, I doubt it. Larkin didn’t go to McKinley. She’s a nurse over at Lima Memorial,” Azimio said, handing Kurt’s credit card back and starting to bag the items. “We’re having a baby in a few months, so the promotion came right on time.”

The idea of Azimio as a father was really too much for Kurt to handle, so he simply gave up and tried not to think about it. “Looks like it all worked out for both of us.”

“I guess so. Nice to see you, man,” Azimio replied, handing Kurt his bag. Kurt couldn’t figure out what to say, so he just gave a wave and a smile and headed back outside.

He was leaning against the side of Carole’s car rubbing his temples when Rachel stepped out of the Panera Bread carrying a few bags of food. “Are you okay?” she asked, opening the back door to set her bags in before walking back around the car to give Kurt a probing look.

“Did you know Azimio Adams is an assistant manager at CVS?” Kurt asked, giving no explanation.

It only took Rachel a second to connect the dots. She whipped her head around to look at the drugstore and then looked back at Kurt. “Oh my god,” she said, reaching out to grab Kurt’s elbow. “What happened?”

Kurt gave a dry laugh. “He rang up my nail polish and told me that he was glad all that music stuff was working out for me.”

“Wow,” Rachel said, letting go of Kurt so that she could lean against the car next to him. “That’s really weird.”

“I know.”

“Like _really_ weird.”

“I know, Rachel,” Kurt said with a sigh. “Let’s just get this stuff back to Tina.”

Rachel nodded, but then she slipped her arms around his waist for a quick hug first. Kurt hugged her back thinking that, if nothing else, at least Rachel was still exactly who he expected her to be.

* * *

 

The wedding ceremony went off without a hitch. Once the great nail polish crisis had been solved, everything else was thankfully smooth sailing. The former New Directions members spread themselves evenly between the bride’s side and groom’s side so that they wouldn’t be playing favorites. Intentionally or not, the wedding party also had an equal number of glee clubbers on each side. Blaine and Sam were both on Tina’s side and Artie and Brittany were on Mike’s.

Mike looked especially handsome, of course, and when Tina started to walk down the aisle, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. Tina really was as beautiful as Kurt had ever seen her; the dress was perfect, but mostly it was just Tina.

When Tina’s father handed her off to Mike, he took her hand and Kurt heard him whisper, “We made it.”

Kurt cried through most of the ceremony, which earned him a grin and a nudge from Sebastian. “I’m useless at weddings,” Kurt whispered, shooting Sebastian a bit of a glare. “Get used to it.” He definitely wasn’t the only one crying though. Pretty much everyone was, including Tina herself. She kept tearing up and grinning at Mike through her tears as Blaine discreetly handed her tissues from inside his sleeve.

Everyone cheered as Tina and Mike were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Cohen-Chang, although Kurt saw her nudge him and whisper something that made him laugh. Kurt had a feeling it was something about the fact that it would be Mr. and Dr. Cohen-Chang soon enough.

At dinner, Kurt and Sebastian were seated with Kurt’s parents, Finn and Nora, Rachel and Kyle, and Lexie and Santana. Kurt had been worried that the combination of couples would be awkward, but everything went smoothly. Finn managed to carry on a conversation with Sebastian for a few minutes without saying anything horrifying, and Burt actually seemed pretty interested in talking to him. No threats were exchanged between anyone at the table, much to Kurt’s surprise. Although Kurt did look up a few times during dinner to find his father watching him with a contemplative look on his face.

Once dinner was over and the mandatory dances had been held, all of Kurt’s friends led the charge to get everyone dancing. Puck was the one who pulled Kurt out of his chair and demanded that they start dancing to “Raise Your Glass”. Sebastian followed along when Rachel grabbed him, and pretty soon they were all dancing in the middle of the floor.

After a few songs, the DJ announced that they were going to slow it down, and he put on “I’ll Be”. Kurt hadn’t even realized that Sebastian was next to him until he felt a hand on his shoulder. “I’m pretty sure my duties as a plus one include slow dancing,” he whispered into Kurt’s ear.

Kurt laughed and turned to wrap his left arm around Sebastian’s neck. “Well then you’d better get on with it.”

“Oh, am I leading?” Sebastian asked, taking Kurt’s free hand in his and wrapping his arm around Kurt’s waist.

“For now,” Kurt said, and leaned in to Sebastian. He hadn’t really thought about it, but the two of them had never actually slow danced before.

They danced quietly for a few minutes before Sebastian said, “This song is really cheesy, you know.”

“It’s a wedding, Sebastian,” Kurt replied, rolling his eyes and pulling Sebastian closer. “Of course it’s cheesy.”

Most of the rest of the night was filled with fast songs that everyone danced to in a large group, including a memorable moment when Lexie tried to convince Sebastian to do the macarena by standing in front of him and moving his arms around as he gave her his best unimpressed look.

On his way back from the bar, Kurt found Finn sitting at their table alone and watching the dance floor. Nora was dancing with Burt to “Come Fly With Me,” and it was impossible to miss the familiarity and love between them as Nora attempted to correct Burt’s dancing.

“She’s fighting a losing battle,” Kurt said, taking the seat next to Finn.

Finn turned to him and smiled. “Even you couldn’t help but try.”

They watched in silence for another minute before Finn said, “Do you ever think about the fact that these are really our lives?”

“What do you mean?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know. Just … it feels like we spent forever thinking about when our real lives were going to start,” Finn said with a shrug.

Now Kurt understood what Finn meant. He’d definitely had those moments when he felt like the fact that he was really grown up and working on Broadway had just hit him out of nowhere. “It’s hard to believe sometimes,” he agreed. “But I think we’ve done pretty well.”

“Agreed,” Finn said and then stood up. “Want to dance with me, little brother?”

Kurt laughed and nodded. “I’m still older than you,” he said on the way back to the dance floor. Kurt had been losing that particular argument for years, but it was tradition for him to point it out every once in a while.

Not long after Finn and Kurt started dancing, Kurt heard a familiar beat start. His eyes widened and he heard Tina shout his name as she ran over to him. “Kurt! Kurt! You have to do the dance with me!”

“I don’t even remember it,” Kurt said, although of course he was lying. It’s hard to forget the choreography that you taught to an entire football team. It had also turned out that “I can do the ‘Single Ladies’ dance” was a great party trick at NYADA.

“Of course you do!” Tina said, and grabbed his arm to try to drag him to the middle of the floor.

Kurt was resisting pretty valiantly until Brittany grabbed his other arm. “You’re not even a single lady anymore, Tina.”

“I’ll dance if you dance,” Mike said, appearing behind Kurt and pushing gently on his shoulders. At that point Kurt had to give up. You couldn’t say no to both the bride and the groom at their wedding, after all.

As they reached the middle of the floor, the song paused, and Kurt looked over in shock to see Santana standing next to the DJ. Of course Santana would make sure that he had to do the whole thing. Then the music started and all four of them began to dance. About halfway through the song, Kurt found Sebastian in the crowd and winked at him. If nothing else, the dumbfounded look on Sebastian’s face made embarrassing himself worth it.

When Kurt made his way back to Sebastian after the song, Sebastian gave him a long, slow look up and down. “I’m not sure if that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen or the hottest,” he said, still sounding a bit stunned.

“Confusing you is very important to me,” Kurt replied. “Although I like to imagine the wedding dress made it funnier.”

The next time Kurt took a break from dancing, it was late enough that some of the older guests had started filtering out. He slipped out the glass doors to the porch and found Tina sitting in large Adirondack chair with Mike’s tux jacket wrapped around her shoulders, watching her reception through the windows.

“It’s a bit too late be a runaway bride, you know,” Kurt said, settling himself in the chair next to her.

“I suspect Julia Roberts could have made it farther than the deck,” she replied with a smile. “I got a little mingled out, and it’s kind of nice to get to just watch.”

Kurt nodded. He understood the urge to stop and take it all in sometimes.

“And what about you?” she asked, leaning in. Kurt recognized that look. It meant that she was about to start asking personal questions. “Enjoying having Sebastian and your father in the same place?”

“They’ve been surprisingly well behaved,” Kurt replied. “I’ve decided to be optimistic and believe that my father’s given me all of his Sebastian-related lectures.”

“You know, I thought you were out of your mind when you told me you were bringing Sebastian Smythe to my wedding,” Tina said with a laugh. “Blaine said I’d be surprised, and he was right.”

Kurt had to laugh. He should have started a tally of how many of his friends were surprised by Sebastian. “He does have that effect on people. I’m only just getting used to him.”

“I mean, even Zeke likes him!” Tina gestured through the window where Sebastian and Zeke were dancing together. Sebastian had Zeke in a formal waltz hold and Zeke was giggling at him. “Can you imagine how Zeke would have reacted to him in high school?”

“Certainly wouldn’t have been pretty,” Kurt replied, flinching a little bit at the thought. Then his glance strayed over to Mercedes and Sam, who were dancing together very much like there was nothing else in the world. “Are Mercedes and Sam back together?” he asked, gesturing to them.

Tina shrugged. “Not officially, but they’ve been giving each other longing looks ever since Sam moved to LA. It would be kind of hilarious if they got back together, too.”

The conversation about Mercedes and Sam lead the two of them into one of their patented gossip sessions. Tina caught Kurt up with everything that had been happening with the New Directions alums on the West Coast, and Kurt told her all about the shows he’d been working on lately, as well as anything she hadn’t heard about the New York group. They were in the middle of discussing Kyle and Rachel’s very long term engagement when they were finally interrupted. Kurt had expected the interruption to come from someone looking for the bride, but the person who pushed through the doors and out onto the deck was Sebastian.

“Abandoning your plus one is bad form,” Sebastian said as he walked over to Kurt, sounding more than a bit tipsy. When his eyes flicked to Tina he added, “Not to mention abandoning your new husband.”

Then, without any warning, Sebastian dropped himself into Kurt’s lap. Kurt responded with an audible “oof” and then glared at Tina as she laughed at him. “You can’t sit on me, Sebastian. You have legs like a grasshopper.”

Sebastian shifted in response so that he was sitting a bit sideways, although he was still mostly on top of Kurt. “Everyone’s starting to leave, you know,” he said, giving Kurt a comically serious look.

“Oh, are they?” Kurt said, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s waist as he looked back into the ballroom where all of their friends were still dancing.

“They’re probably waiting for the bride,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “I snagged a bottle of champagne. I think you should come upstairs and drink it with me.”

“I think my father bought that champagne,” Tina pointed out as she stood up.

Sebastian grinned at her. “I’d be happy to invite you to join us, but I suspect you have plans.”

“I certainly hope so!” she replied, and then she leaned over to press a kiss to the side of Kurt’s head and whispered into his ear, “I wouldn’t say no if I were you.”

Once Tina was back inside, Kurt tightened his arms around Sebastian and asked, “Don’t you think you’re a bit old to steal alcohol?”

“And too rich,” Sebastian pointed out helpfully. “Which is why I bought it.”

Kurt looked up at Sebastian, who looked insufferably pleased with himself. He’d abandoned his jacket at some point, and he managed to look unreasonably good with his tie loose and his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. A very large part of Kurt wanted to agree and follow Sebastian up to their room, but he wasn’t quite ready to leave this particular party. “I think people really are going to be leaving soon. Do you mind giving me a little while longer?”

“You can have as long as you want,” Sebastian replied, leaning down for a kiss. Kurt ran his hands up Sebastian’s back to pull him in as close as he could and tried to ignore the thought that he couldn’t have as long as he wanted from Sebastian. He could only ever have until Tuesday.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to Frankie's song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETupK7XBqsY)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> So, if you want to read more about how Blaine and Zeke got together and Zeke went from "rebound boy" to Blaine's fiancé, that fic is [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2572571).
> 
> I did want to say that Kurt and Blaine's conversation in this fic is in no way meant to be a condemnation of what actually happened in the series. I am totally happy with what happened in the series. I actually wrote that entire conversation over the summer of 2013, and really tried to think what my version of Blaine, who had grown up and waited six years to get engaged to someone else, would feel about this whole thing.


	24. Chapter 24

**May 17 th, 2020**

On Sunday morning, Kurt awoke slightly hungover and very anxious when he remembered that he was going to be meeting Sebastian’s parents in an hour and a half. He threw himself off of Sebastian as he ran for the shower.

“Stop freaking out!” Sebastian called after him.

“It’s like you don’t even know me,” Kurt shouted back.

Kurt spent his time in the shower second guessing the clothes he’d planned to wear that day. It wasn’t easy to find an outfit that was comfortable enough for travel but appropriate for brunch with the parents of the guy you were sleeping with. He’d ended up choosing black jeans and a soft long-sleeved shirt in a bright blue with a red geometric pattern.

“You look perfect,” Sebastian said, walking up behind where Kurt stood examining his shirt in the mirror and trying to decide if he shouldn’t have dressed up more.

“You don’t think it’s too … something?” Kurt asked, wishing he didn’t sound quite so nervous.

Sebastian laughed. “I think it’s exactly as something as it needs to be,” he said, and then he walked over to rifle through his own suitcase. Kurt felt better about his own outfit choice when Sebastian pulled a Harvard Lacrosse t-shirt out and tossed it on the bed.

“Are you just going to watch me get dressed?” Sebastian asked, looking back over at him.

Kurt sat himself down in the desk chair primly and said, “Well, I’m all packed, so I can’t think of anything else I would do.”

As soon as they pulled up in front of the restaurant, all of Kurt’s anxiety returned. Sebastian looked over at him and rolled his eyes fondly. “Shouldn’t I be the one freaking out? If you don’t like them, you never have to see them again. I’m stuck with them.” Kurt glared at Sebastian, who just smiled and got out of the car.

When they walked into the restaurant, Sebastian’s parents were already sitting on one side of a booth, but they stood up and walked over to the entryway when they saw Sebastian and Kurt.

Sebastian’s father immediately pulled his son into a tight hug and said something into his ear, which made Sebastian laugh.

“You must be Kurt,” Sebastian’s mother said, startling Kurt as he watched Sebastian and his father. “My husband always forgets about introductions.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Smythe,” Kurt replied, holding out a hand to her and feeling proud that he didn’t sound afraid.

Mrs. Smythe bypassed Kurt’s hand and pulled him into a quick hug. “I’m glad to finally meet you. Seb talks about you so much, I feel like I know you already,” she said, and then pulled back. “But really, call me Aimee.”

Kurt barely had time to smile at Aimee, before he felt a hand clap down on his shoulder. “And you can skip the formalities and call me Bobby,” Sebastian’s dad added with a grin that reminded Kurt of his son’s. Then Kurt was pulled into another hug. He ended up mouthing “help me” over Bobby’s shoulder at Sebastian.

“Okay dad, let him go. We don’t need Kurt to run away before the mimosas are served,” Sebastian said.

Bobby obliged and let Kurt go. “Don’t be ridiculous, Sebastian. No one runs away _before_ the mimosas.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and took Kurt’s hand as they followed his parents back to their table. “What just happened?” Kurt whispered.

“Maybe I should have prepared you better,” Sebastian said, tilting his head to the side in thought.

“Bobby?” Kurt asked, interrupting Sebastian’s thoughts.

“He says he doesn’t think he’ll ever be old enough to be called ‘Bob.’ He still thinks he’s twenty-five.” Sebastian’s exasperation was far too fond to be taken seriously.

Kurt slipped into the booth across from Aimee, who immediately started asking Kurt and Sebastian about the wedding. That led to Sebastian giving an exact description of all of the flowers in far more detail than even Kurt would have wanted.

“They do this all the time,” Bobby said, leaning towards Kurt over the table. “All I know is that if you like someone, buy them flowers as often as possible. And if you want them to be thinking of you, you send them your favorite flower.”

Kurt turned to look at Sebastian for a second as he put a few pieces together. “Sebastian’s favorite flowers are lilies, right?” he asked Bobby quietly.

“Good guess,” Bobby replied with a smile.

The flower discussion was interrupted by the arrival of their mimosas, which Kurt was informed were mandatory at all Smythe family brunches. After that, the conversation turned to Kurt’s work and then to Aimee asking Sebastian how Trent, Alex, and Jacques were.

Sebastian and his father started arguing about the college lacrosse playoffs, so Kurt tuned them out in favor of focusing on his crêpe. When he looked up from his brunch, he found Aimee smiling at him. “You’re good for him, you know,” she said quietly. Kurt must have looked surprised because she rushed to explain. “I know you guys don’t really know what you’re doing, but I’m glad he has you. He needs people who care about him.”

Just for a moment Kurt thought about what it must have been like for Sebastian’s parents to watch him struggle over the past couple of years. If Kurt had felt helpless and afraid, he couldn’t even imagine how they’d felt. He glanced over at Sebastian and said, “I wish I knew how to help.”

“You do,” she replied. “I promise that you do.”

“He does what?” Bobby asked, apparently hearing the end of their conversation.

“He needs to go to Paris, obviously,” Aimee said, winking at Kurt as she covered for them. Then the conversation was off and running about everywhere Kurt would need to go when he did finally get to France.

Kurt was a bit distracted thinking about how different Aimee’s reaction was from Burt’s. He’d definitely expected more judgment about what the two of them thought they were doing.

When it was time to leave, Kurt hugged both of Sebastian’s parents, and they told him they’d see him soon. “I like them,” Kurt said as he and Sebastian walked back to the car.

“You have a confusing love of difficult people,” Sebastian responded, reaching out and wrapping an arm around Kurt’s shoulders as they walked.

* * *

 

“I’m never coming home again,” Santana said, dropping herself into an airport chair. They’d arrived early for their flight home to New York, so they had nearly an hour to kill at the airport.

“I still don’t understand why you guys stayed with your parents on Friday night,” Rachel replied, taking a seat across from Santana.

Santana rolled her eyes at Rachel. “Because I haven’t seen my parents in more than a year, so it seemed like a dick move to come to Ohio and avoid them. And I wanted them to meet Lex.”

Lexie pulled her feet up onto her chair and wrapped her arms around her knees. “I thought they were okay,” she said, resting her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“They were alright,” Santana replied, leaning into Lexie. “It’s just strange as fuck, being there, having you there. It’s like putting on clothes that don’t fit. Plus I had that weird conversation with Brittany.”

Lexie nodded, but Kurt had no idea what Santana was talking about. “What weird conversation with Brittany?”

Santana shrugged. “She just said she was glad that I finally decided to let someone make me happy. It’s Brittany. Who knows what she’s on about?”

Lexie rolled her eyes, and Kurt had to stifle a laugh. There were plenty of times when Kurt found Brittany totally mystifying, but this one was obvious. “If it helps, the conversation where Blaine told me he was engaged totally threw me.”

“Apparently, it’s awkward conversations with your ex weekend!” Sebastian said with a wry smile. “Maybe I should call Tad.”

“I’m just glad that Finn and I are past that stage,” Rachel said, looking pleased with herself.

“I don’t know about that,” Kyle said. “He may not have had an awkward conversation with you, but he had one with me.”

Rachel looked confused. “He _what_?”

“Basically, he told me that it was hard for him to believe that any guy could ever be good enough for you, but that he’s glad you have me,” Kyle said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking decidedly uncomfortable.

“That’s weird even for Hudson,” Santana said, side-eyeing Kyle.

Kurt had to agree. He didn’t think that Kyle had needed or wanted Finn’s blessing on his engagement. He supposed that, after years of strained conversations between the two of them, Finn had figured that it would make things easier. Kurt wasn’t so sure. Kyle really did look more than a little unsettled.

“I don’t think any conversations with any exes are as bizarre as Azimio being glad that Kurt’s on Broadway,” Rachel said, shifting the conversation a little obviously.

Kurt groaned. “Small towns are a menace. Thank god we got out.”

“Toast to getting the fuck out at Fourth Wall tomorrow night?” Santana asked.

Everyone responded with variations on “Hell yes.”

“Your friends always make me want to write a musical about a high school glee club,” Lexie said with a grin.

Kurt snorted. “That doesn’t sound like anything you’d write, Lex.” She and Kyle usually wrote musicals with dark themes; their big cult hit was a musical about the Macbeth curse.

“Don’t worry, it would all be a metaphor for death,” she replied, stretching her arms over her head and grinning. Kurt had to laugh, because of course it would.

* * *

 

**May 18 th, 2020**

When Kurt took his spot on stage at Fourth Wall, he said, “My friends and I went back to our hometown this weekend and it turns out that it’s tiny! So I figured I’d sing about how glad I am to be a New Yorker.” Then he nodded at Brad and the music started.

The [song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102253407006/i-can-do-better-than-that-from-the-original-cast) was one of Kurt’s favorites. He definitely identified with it, but it was also one of those songs that no one ever expected a guy to sing. When he got to his favorite part, he ramped up the intensity, using the mixed feelings he had about Lima to fuel his performance. “ _When we get to my house, take a look at that town, take a look at how far I’ve gone. I will never go back, never look back any more._ ”

“Apt song choice,” Andrew whispered to Kurt as he sat back down at the table.

“It was a very disorienting weekend,” Kurt replied.

“Apparently,” Andrew said, looking up at the stage where Santana was launching into [her song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102253555311/krysta-rodriguez-performing-kerrigan-and).

Santana singing with genuine feeling was a pretty rare sight, but when she did you knew she meant business. As soon as Kurt heard the opening notes, he knew that she’d chosen the perfect song for herself. “ _Bare feet sliding on the old wooden floor boards. Home just how you left it but still you’re shaken. Like walking into a museum, somehow out of time._ ”

The lyrics hit home for Kurt, and, between that and the emotion in Santana’s performance, he felt himself tear up a bit. He wished that coming back to New York didn’t make him feel so much better; it seemed unfair to his family, but it was still true.

When Santana got back to the table, Kurt could tell that her eyes weren’t entirely dry either. Lexie wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed Santana’s drink over to her. Santana drained it and then looked at Adam, who was sitting at the end of the table and said, “Go get us a round of shots, Russell Brand.”

Adam just shrugged and followed her instruction. Andrew turned to her and said, “Russell Brand?”

“Give me a break. It’s been a long weekend, and I’m off my game,” Santana replied, waving a hand at him dismissively.

Andrew crossed his arms and glared. “I resent the implication that I’d date anyone who bathes as infrequently as Russell Brand seems to.”

“He’s British and he makes me think of liquor. Don’t overthink it.”

“So, Rachel,” Kurt said, turning away from Andrew and Santana, who continued to bicker, “what are you singing?”

“Dolly Parton,” she replied, with a grin. “Kyle did an arrangement for me.”

“Rachel Berry singing Dolly Parton?” Sebastian asked. “That’s a new one.”

“I like to have a few tricks up my sleeve,” Rachel said as she slid out of the booth.

Rachel stepped up to the mic as soon as she got on stage, and Kurt was surprised when she started to sing [a cappella](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102253841761/listen-purchase-wildflowers-acapella-by-andy). The arrangement was slow and not particularly country, but it definitely suited Rachel’s voice. He almost should have guessed what song it would be. “ _The hills were alive with wildflowers and I was as wild even wilder than they. For at least I could run. They just died in the sun and I refused to just whither in place._ ” With Rachel’s brash personality, sometimes even Kurt forgot that she was capable of giving a soft performance, but he had a feeling Kyle didn’t.

Kurt looked over at Kyle, who was watching Rachel intently. There was still something uneasy about the way Kyle was holding himself. He’d been strangely jumpy for the last twenty four hours, and Kurt wasn’t quite sure why. The conversation with Finn had obviously been weird, but he didn’t think it sounded weird enough to bother Kyle that much. And it hadn’t been Kyle’s hometown they’d gone back to. Right then, though, his attention was completely on his fiancé.

Something about moment reminded Kurt inexplicably of the conversation he’d had with Sebastian after their fight about Tad. It took him a second to pinpoint exactly what it was. As soon as he remembered, he leaned in closer to Kyle and asked, “She’s never been hard for you to love, has she?”

Kyle’s glance flickered up to the stage for a second and then he looked back at Kurt. “No, of course not.”

“It’s not really ‘of course not,’” Kurt said with a shrug. “In high school, everyone was always telling her that she was hard to love. Even the people who loved her.” Even Kurt himself, although he didn’t mention it.

Kyle studied Kurt for a minute and then said, “Rachel’s not perfect, but mostly people find her hard to love because she’s very bad at making herself smaller for anyone else’s sake.” He looked back at the stage with an expression that was almost wistful. “I’ve always needed people in my life who take up space,” he finished quietly, without taking his eyes off of Rachel.

Instead of saying anything in response, Kurt just leaned his head on Kyle’s shoulder.

Rachel gave the two of them a puzzled look when she got back to the table, but then she shrugged and sat down without comment.

Sebastian was up next and, to Kurt’s surprise, he took Lexie and Santana with him. When he got up to the stage, he borrowed a guitar from the Fourth Wall band. Kurt couldn’t even begin to guess where he was going with all of this. As soon as he started to [play](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102254263366/jesse-ruben-performs-the-bad-years-by-kerrigan), though, Kurt had to laugh. “ _At what age do I have to stop smoking? Because I think there’s a cut off where it stops being cool, and you just have lung cancer. And I like wife beaters and keg stands and indie bands. But I think there’s a cut off. I hope it isn’t twenty-five._ ”

When Sebastian sang, “ _Everybody’s getting married, but I can’t do it. My boyfriend wants to, but I don’t want to,_ ” it hit Kurt that if things had gone differently with Tad, Sebastian might actually be married now. Although, considering what Blaine had told him on Friday night, if things had gone differently between them, Kurt might be married now too.

Kurt brushed those thoughts aside. It wasn’t worth trying to deal with them. Then he realized that he had something to say to Andrew while Sebastian wasn’t at the table, so he slid away from Kyle. “I got another callback,” he said to Andrew in a hushed tone.

“For Romeo and Juliet? Kurt, holy shit!” Andrew said, keeping his voice down as well. “What role?”

“Romeo,” Kurt replied, feeling the weight of it on his tongue. Getting this part would be a really big deal for him, and there was definitely a part of him that had always wanted to play Romeo.

“Oh, you are fortune’s fool,” Andrew said with a grin.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Andrew. “Did you just quote Shakespeare to tell me that the universe is fucking with me?”

“Possibly.”

“Yeah, well. Wait until I actually get the part to say that,” Kurt replied. He still couldn’t quite convince himself that he’d get the job, but they were obviously pretty seriously considering him.

“You waited until the guy you’re sleeping with was on stage to tell me that you got another callback for a job in the city where he lives,” Andrew pointed out. “The universe is fucking with you.”

Kurt just rolled his eyes and watched Sebastian walk back to the table. “These are the bad years, huh?” he said when Sebastian sat down.

“It’s not all bad,” Sebastian replied, looking Kurt up and down. “But it’s been a bumpy ride.”

“You can say that again,” Santana said, staring into her empty glass sadly. Apparently she was dedicated to drowning her sorrows in tequila. Kyle stood up and she looked up at him hopefully. “Are you going to get another round?”

“I’m going to sing,” he replied. “And I’m thinking maybe we should cut you off.” Then he walked up to the stage with obvious purpose.

“What crawled up his ass?” Santana asked.

Lexie pushed a glass of water towards Santana without taking her eyes off of Kyle. “I think we’re about to find out.”

Once Brad gave up the bench, Kyle sat down and took a breath with his hands hovering over the keys. Then he began to play. His playing was so intense that he’d gotten the entire bar’s attention before he even started [to sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102255504381/jeremy-jordan-performs-please-dont-let-me-go-by). “ _It’s never where I thought I’d be, just shy of a year ago. Does your love come with a guarantee, a promise that you’ll never let me go?_ ”

As Kyle poured himself into the song, Kurt couldn’t help but turn to Rachel and stare at her. She never took her eyes off Kyle, but she was surprisingly calm, all things considered.

“Did I miss something?” Andrew asked Kurt softly, leaning over Sebastian.

“If you did, then we all did,” Kurt replied. It was obvious that the performance was related to whatever was bothering Kyle, but Kurt had no idea what it was. He really hadn’t expected it to be insecurity about _Rachel_ , but that was what the song sounded like.

When Kyle got back to the table, he looked a little winded. He paused for a moment as he registered the silence from his friends and the fact that they were all staring at him. “What the fuck, Kyle?” Lexie finally said.

Rachel just sighed in exasperation and scooted in Kurt’s direction so that there was enough room for Kyle at the end of the bench. As soon as he sat down, he looked at her and said, “Rachel, I—”

He was cut off by Rachel setting her cell phone in front of him on the table. When Kurt snuck a glance at it, he saw that it was open to the calendar. “Pick a date,” she said, sternly.

“What?” Kyle asked, shocked.

“Kyle Rosen, I know you don’t really believe I’m going anywhere,” Rachel said, reaching over to take his hand. “I’d like to believe you’ve known that since you asked me to marry you three and a half years ago. So now I’m asking you: put your money where your mouth is, and pick a date.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kyle looked completely stunned as he scrolled through the months on her phone. Kurt had a feeling the rest of them looked just as shocked. “You still want to do fall, right?” He asked. When she nodded, he continued. “Well, we can’t get married in New York on five months notice. So October of 2021? How’s your October 10th?”

“Good,” Rachel said, and then she finally took her eyes off of Kyle to look around the table. “Everyone clear your schedules for October 10th, 2021.”

“Why should I have to clear my schedule?” Sebastian asked. “Kurt might have another plus one by then!”

Kurt couldn’t help but feel a little stung by the realization that Sebastian wasn’t sure he’d be Kurt’s date to Rachel’s wedding, even if he was right. Not only did the two of them have no guarantee that they’d still be doing this in a year, it was really most likely that they wouldn’t be doing this in six months. With all the couples around them, it was easy to forget sometimes that they didn’t have unlimited time.

Thankfully Sebastian’s question broke the tension at the table at least a little bit. Rachel rolled her eyes at him. “Sebastian Smythe, I promise that you can have your very own invitation to my wedding. You don’t have to be anyone’s plus one.”

“Unless you want to be,” Kyle added, grinning at Rachel.

“Right. Unless you want to be,” Rachel amended. “Now does anyone _else_ have any problems?”

“You’re all my problem,” Lexie said, ducking under the table and crawling out the other side. She stood up again and gave them all a look that dared them to question the appropriateness of a grown woman in a dress crawling under the table. Then she stepped over to Kyle and tapped him on the forehead with a finger. “You’re so dramatic. Stop losing the plot.”

Then she turned away and walked up to the stage.

“What plot?” Adam asked.

“Who the hell knows?” Santana asked, sounding more than a little drunk. “It’s always about the plot with her somehow.”

Kurt had to smile when he realized how perfectly Lexie’s [song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102255410711/a-way-back-to-then-from-title-of-show) complimented the rest of the evening. By the time she got to the end, Kurt couldn’t help but feel like they were all being told of for their lack off perspective. “ _And when you least expect, opportunity walks through the door. You suddenly connect with the thing that you’d forgot that you’d been looking for. And there you are, right in the middle of what you love with the craziest of company. You’re having a kick ass time._ ”

“This is basically the biggest moment of our lives,” Lexie said when she got back to the table. “Sure it’s hard; making your dreams come true is supposed to be fucking hard. But that’s still what we’re doing. Screw Lima, Ohio. None of you have anything left to prove to them.”

Adam and Andrew stood up so that she could sit down in the booth. Kyle looked like he was about to say something, but he didn’t get the chance. Santana draped her arm across the booth behind Lexie and leaned into her. “You’re hot when you’re … indignant,” she said, trying to be seductive.

She was quite obviously too drunk to pull it off, as evidenced by the fact that Lexie’s response was to laugh so hard that she had to put her head down on the table. Santana glared at her, but pretty soon everyone else was laughing along.

“Your friends are nuts,” Sebastian said, resting his chin on Kurt’s shoulder and running a hand over his back.

“Our friends,” Kurt corrected, and he smiled when he felt Sebastian nod agreement against his shoulder.

* * *

 

**June 2 nd, 2020**

“Hi, Dad,” Kurt said when his father picked up the phone. It was Burt’s lunch break and Kurt was really glad that he’d answered.

“Hey, Kurt! Everything okay?” Burt asked.

Kurt wasn’t surprised that he sounded a little weird. He was still trying to process everything. “I’m okay. It’s good news actually! I just got an offer.”

“I assume you mean for a job,” Burt deadpanned. Kurt could practically feel him rolling his eyes at Kurt’s inability to give news in a way that made sense.

“Yes, for a job. Remember I told you that I was auditioning for Romeo and Juliet in Boston?”

“You got it?”

“Yep,” Kurt replied, grinning at the excitement in his father’s voice. “And I didn’t just get it. I got Romeo!”

Burt whooped, making Kurt laugh and pull the phone away from his ear. “You know I don’t know much, kiddo, but even I know that’s a big deal.”

“It is,” Kurt agreed. “It’s a fantastic opportunity.”

“And yet you’re freaking out,” Burt observed astutely. “I’m going to go ahead and take a guess that it has to do with Sebastian?”

Kurt sighed. “Good guess. And it’s not … I’m not unhappy, and I’m certainly not considering saying no. I just don’t know how to tell him.”

“Do you really think he’s going to be anything but thrilled to have you in the same city?” Burt was using that voice that Kurt was pretty sure meant that he thought his son was being especially slow.

“I don’t know.” Kurt knew he sounded petulant, but he really didn’t have any idea how Sebastian would react to the idea of Kurt being in Boston for three months. Sebastian had always had pretty much complete control over when they saw each other because Kurt couldn’t usually get away for more than a day. He wasn’t sure how Sebastian would feel about suddenly having Kurt in the same place all the time. It could very easily be much more than he wanted.

“I know you love him,” Burt said abruptly, startling Kurt. “I saw you at Tina’s wedding, and I may be old, but I’m not blind. So what are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid to lose him,” Kurt said, his throat tightening without his permission and making his words sound choked and a bit hysterical. He didn’t even bother to dispute his father’s statement about Kurt’s feelings. Nothing he said would change the fact that Burt knew. “I don’t think there’s going to be any going back from this, and I don’t know what we’ll be when I leave.”

Burt was quiet on the other end of the line, so Kurt took the opportunity to wipe the tears out of his traitorous eyes. It was insane to be crying over spending a few months in the same place as the man he was in love with. He just couldn’t shake the absolute certainty that this was going to be the end for them, and he wasn’t ready.

“I hate to tell you this, buddy, but you have to know that you two can’t go on the way you have been forever,” Burt said quietly. Kurt couldn’t hear any of the judgment his father had leveled at him last fall. This time Burt’s tone was nothing but sympathetic.

Kurt sniffled a little bit. “I know. I’ve always known that we’d have to end it sooner or later. It’s just that whenever I considered when that would be, I always just decided on ‘ _not now_.’”

“I know you’ve always been concerned with the future, but maybe this once you should try not to get ahead of yourself. October isn’t now, so don’t waste your time mourning your relationship before it’s over.”

Kurt opened his mouth to object but Burt cut him off. “Don’t tell me it’s not a relationship. You can call it whatever you want, but the facts don’t change.”

Just then, Kurt heard a loud banging noise and someone shouting his father’s name. “Shit,” Burt said, “I gotta go back. But try giving Sebastian a chance to surprise you, okay? I think he’s got a few in him.”

Kurt had to laugh a bit at that. Sebastian had already proven he had more than a few surprises in him. There just weren’t any surprises that would change the fact that Kurt couldn’t do long distance for the rest of his life. He’d made that choice years ago. It wasn’t the time to say that to his father, though. “I’ll try,” he said.

“Love you, Kurt.”

“Love you, too, Dad.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then I proved that I knew way too many songs about wanting to get out of your home town.


	25. Chapter 25

**June 5 th, 2020**

“I’m pretty sure that’s my Rent t-shirt,” Kurt said, leaning against his door frame and staring at Sebastian, who was sitting up in Kurt’s bed wearing nothing but the t-shirt in question and a pair of briefs.

“I can hardly dispute that,” Sebastian said, looking up from his book. “If you abandon post-coital cuddling for a shower, I’m going to have to steal your clothes. That’s just the way the world works.”

Kurt hung his towel up on the back of the door and began pulling out his own pajamas. “Your reasoning is incredibly suspect.”

“Well, at least I’m pretty.” Sebastian grabbed Kurt’s arm as he walked by and pulled him over for a kiss. Kurt leaned into it, deciding that a few more minutes of distraction couldn’t really hurt.

The truth was that Kurt was a coward. He’d meant to talk to Sebastian as soon as he got home from his Friday evening show, but he’d rather easily let Sebastian pull him into bed instead. Then he’d had to take a shower. Now, though, he really had no excuse. He pulled away and rested his forehead against Sebastian’s. “There’s something we should talk about.”

As soon as he spoke, Kurt felt Sebastian stiffen. “It’s nothing bad,” Kurt said. That was only partially true, but whatever Sebastian was afraid of, this probably wasn’t it.

“Okay,” Sebastian said, scootching over so that Kurt could join him on the bed. “What’s up?”

Kurt waited a second and took a breath. He was trying to remember how exactly he’d planned to say this to Sebastian. “I know I should have told you about this a while ago, but I think I was kind of afraid to jinx myself.” Sebastian nodded, although he looked a bit puzzled, so Kurt continued. “It turns out that I’m going to be leaving Book of Mormon a bit earlier than expected.”

“What?” Sebastian asked, looking even more confused. “Why?”

“I just got an offer from a one of the best regional theatre companies in the country for a show that’s going to start rehearsing in August,” Kurt said. “They’ve asked me to play Romeo in Romeo and Juliet.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. Seriously? That’s fantastic!” he said, and then he reached out and pulled Kurt into a tight hug. When Sebastian pulled back, he looked a little afraid. “Where?”

Kurt played with the blanket next to him for a minute, trying to delay the inevitable again. Finally he gave up and looked Sebastian in the eye. “The American Repertory Theater,” he answered.

“In Cambridge?” Sebastian asked, looking completely blindsided. When Kurt nodded, Sebastian flopped backwards and let out a gust of breath. “You really are full of surprises.”

“It’s not like … I mean, I’ll try not to get in your way or anything,” Kurt said, wishing his voice didn’t sound so nervous. He just couldn’t make anything of Sebastian’s reaction.

Sebastian sat up on his elbows and gave Kurt an incredulous look. “Get in my way? Jesus, Kurt. When have you ever been in my way?”

“I don’t know. Three months of me in the same city could seriously strain your tolerance,” Kurt replied, trying to sound lighthearted and knowing he was missing the mark. “You might not want to see me that often.”

When Kurt finished speaking, Sebastian dropped back to the bed and motioned for Kurt to come over to him. Kurt obliged, stretching out next to Sebastian and resting a hand on his stomach. He could see that the look in Sebastian’s eyes was softer now. “Whenever you can make time for me, I’ll want to see you.”

Kurt nodded and pressed a soft kiss to Sebastian’s lips before laying his head on Sebastian’s chest. He smiled when he felt a hand come up to stroke softly through his hair. It was sort of unreasonable how good Sebastian’s fingers felt on his scalp. Kurt couldn’t help but wonder how Sebastian had managed to flip the situation around so that Kurt was suddenly the one deciding how often they saw each other, and he had no idea what it meant.

After a few minutes, Sebastian’s hand stilled and he said, “You’re going to be the hottest Romeo ever, you know. I might just spend two months hanging around the lobby and ruining the days of teenage girls by telling them that you’re gay.”

“I’m pretty sure I will _not_ be the hottest Romeo ever. Orlando Bloom played Romeo,” Kurt replied, but he couldn’t help but grin and blush, hiding his face in Sebastian’s shirt.

“I stand by what I said.”

Kurt let himself drift to sleep in Sebastian’s arms. Two months was enough time to worry about what would happen when he got to Boston. He didn’t have to keep himself awake thinking about it tonight.

* * *

 

**June 7 th, 2020**

“I’m so nervous; I feel like I’m going to barf,” Lexie said, staring down into her glass.

Kurt understood how she felt. The Tony Awards were about to start, and Kurt, Sebastian, Santana, Lexie, and Trent were together watching on TV. The rest of their friends were at the show, and Kurt couldn’t decide if it would have been more nerve-wracking to be in the there in the audience than it was to be watching from home.

“Charming,” Sebastian replied, rolling his eyes.

Trent reached over Sebastian to grab a handful of pretzels. “But Andrew doesn’t think he’s going to win, right?”

“He assumes they’re going to give it to the geezer.” Santana’s Tony Award commentary was interesting as ever.

“What Santana means is that pretty much everyone, including Andrew, thinks that Roger Marshall is going to win,” Kurt said, cutting off any further incorrect explanation. “He’s a Broadway legend, and he’s never won the Tony. Everyone says that his performance as Applegate in the Damn Yankees revival is one of the best performances of his career.”

Trent nodded. “That’s hard to beat, I suppose.”

Knowing that it wasn’t likely that Andrew would win didn’t make any of them less nervous. There were still a lot of awards that both Perks and Medea could win, and the results would have lasting effects on the futures of shows all over Broadway. Not to mention that Rachel, Andrew, and Adam would also be in the Perks performance on the broadcast that night.

They were about half an hour into it when the graphic told them that Best Featured Actor in a Musical would be up next. Kurt reached out and took Sebastian’s hand, holding it tightly as the names in Andrew’s category were read. When Andrew was shown on the screen, he grinned and gave a little wave as Adam clapped beside him.

A moment later, Roger Marshall was announced as the winner, and Andrew continued to smile in his frame and then shook Roger’s hand as he headed to the stage. Kurt sighed and Lexie shook her head. “It just sucks that he didn’t really have a shot,” she said.

Santana wrapped her arms around Lexie’s shoulders, “Andrew’s got plenty of time. He won’t have to wait until he’s nearly dying to win like this dude.”

“Never change, Santana,” Trent said with a snort.

Sebastian went to refill all of their drinks, and they settled in to watch the rest of the show. Kurt couldn’t help but feel a sting of disappointment. He knew he was biased, but he still didn’t think that anyone could have been as amazing as Andrew had been this season. He was sure that Roger Marshall was great as Applegate, but Kurt seriously doubted that he’d had to give as much to his performance as Andrew had.

The next time they saw one of their friends on screen, it was the announcement for Best Score. The award went to John Francesco, who gave Kyle a huge hug before he went on stage to accept it. Kurt knew that Kyle would be celebrating pretty hard that night.

The final performance of the night was Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Kurt couldn’t help feeling giddy at seeing Andrew, Rachel, and Adam on national TV. All that was left after that was to wait for the announcement of Best Musical. As much as Kurt loved Kyle, he couldn’t help but root for Perks. They waited through the announcement of the rest of the biggest categories and then it was time. Kurt squeezed Sebastian’s hand again as the nominees were listed.

“And the Tony Award goes to … Perks of Being a Wallflower!”

They all cheered and hugged each other as the producers and cast were shown celebrating on the screen and then heading up to the stage to accept the award. As the producers made their speech, the cameras caught Andrew standing with Rachel’s arms wrapped around his waist from one side and Adam holding his hand on the other. All three of them had damp eyes, but they were beaming as brightly as Kurt had ever seen them.

* * *

 

**June 8 th, 2020**

By the time Rachel and Kyle got home, Kurt was already asleep, but he made them a celebratory breakfast in the morning after Sebastian left for work.

“So, did you have a good time?” he asked, dishing breakfast out onto four plates. Kyle was in one of his phases where he thought that eggs were weird, so Kurt had made pancakes.

“It was amazing,” Rachel said, grinning at him. “Although Kyle owes our associate MD on Perks drinks now.”

“Yeah, but John won Best Score, so I’m handling the disappointment,” Kyle replied, reaching over to steal a potato chunk off of Rachel’s plate.

Rachel glared at him and said, “You have your own potatoes.”

Kyle just grinned and shrugged. “You have your own pajamas, and yet you like mine better.” Then he leaned over and kissed her.

“If you two are going to insist on being adorable again, I’m going over to Andrew’s,” Kurt said with a sigh. They’d been especially cute ever since they officially set the date. Kurt didn’t actually mind that much, but Santana was acting like the world was coming to an end.

“We’re always adorable,” Rachel replied, giving him a wide eyed, innocent look.

Kurt didn’t really abandon them for being too coupley, but he did head over to Andrew’s a little while later with a pan of homemade coffee cake.

Adam opened the door wearing only a pair of old sweatpants and looking decidedly un-perky. When he saw the tray of coffee from their favorite Astoria coffee shop, he gently tugged on the one with his name on it, took a sip, and looked back up at Kurt to say, “I think I might be in love with you.”

“Hey!” Andrew shouted from the couch, sounding about as awake as Adam looked.

“Kurt brought coffee,” Adam replied, stepping back so that Kurt could actually enter the apartment.

Andrew struggled to a sitting position and looked back at Kurt. “Oh my god, in that case I might fight you for him, Crawford.”

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh at the two of them as he handed Andrew his coffee. Andrew immediately started drinking it like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted.

After he’d cut a few pieces of coffee cake, Kurt settled on the other end of the couch from Andrew, who flopped over again so that his head was resting on Kurt’s thigh. “I get the feeling you might be hung over,” Kurt said, ruffling Andrew’s tangled hair lightly.

Andrew nodded against his leg. “Good guess. Might have been worth it though.”

“So you’re okay with it all?” Kurt asked carefully.

“Yeah, I am. I think it was easier because I had a long time to get used to the fact that he was going to win,” Andrew replied, looking a bit contemplative. “Plus the show won, so that makes up for a lot of things.”

“You’re about to have some full houses,” Kurt said.

Adam leaned back his chair and grinned. “Not that we were struggling exactly, but yeah, we are.”

“So what about you? You finally told Sebastian?” Andrew asked, staring pointedly up at Kurt.

“I told him,” Kurt confirmed, thinking back to their conversation Friday night and the couple more they’d had about it over the course of the weekend. “I don’t think he’s mad at me for not saying anything, although he seems a little bit confused by it.”

“Seems fair,” Adam replied. “You two confuse everyone.” Then he got up and wandered out of the room, leaving Kurt and Andrew alone. A second later, Kurt heard the shower turn on.

Andrew snorted, so Kurt poked him in the shoulder. “Whose side are you on?”

“Whoever’s side means I get to make fun of how ridiculous you and Sebastian are,” Andrew replied, giving Kurt his most charming smile.

Kurt glared at him. “See if I tell you anything else.”

“You need me. Don’t even pretend.”

“Fine,” Kurt replied. It wasn’t as if he could argue. “Well, we’ve solved exactly nothing. He seems happy I’m coming, so who knows.”

“You realize that’s the normal reaction to finding out that someone you love will be a lot closer to you, right?” Andrew asked.

Kurt did realize that, and the truth was that there was a part of him that was excited to be able to see Sebastian whenever he wanted. It was just hard to remember that part when he was busy freaking out about everything changing. “It’s just all so complicated.”

Andrew sat up so that he could wrap his arms around Kurt’s neck. “I think things that are worth it always are, sweetheart.”

“Are you a daily affirmation now?” Kurt asked. He couldn’t help but wonder what Andrew meant by “things that are worth it” in this case.

“Actually, I’m a life lesson of the day calendar.”

* * *

 

**June 20 th, 2020**

A few weeks later, Kurt was on his way to his Saturday matinée when his phone pinged with a text. His involuntary smile at getting a text from Sebastian disappeared as soon as he read what it said.

From Sebastian:  
Jacques thinks I need to call Tad and ask him why we broke up.

Clearly, Jacques had finally decided that it would be better if Sebastian knew whatever the truth was about the end of his relationship. Kurt felt a little nauseated at the idea for reasons he couldn’t explain, but he supposed that Jacques probably knew what he was doing.

To Sebastian:  
Why does he think that?

From Sebastian:  
He seems to think that some of my opinions on things are based on misinformation.

To Sebastian:  
He does usually know what he’s talking about. Let me know if you want to talk after.

From Sebastian:  
I really shouldn’t let him win all the time.

Kurt had to stop thinking about Sebastian in order to focus on his matinée, but when he turned his phone on after the show to find no word, he started to get worried.

To Sebastian:  
Did you call Tad? Is everything okay?

He didn’t get any response to his text during his entire dinner break, even though he checked his phone so many times that Lucas asked him if his agent was supposed to be calling or something. As Kurt got ready for the evening show, he tried to convince himself that Sebastian was probably just napping or talking to Jacques. Maybe his phone had died and he’d forgotten to charge it. Maybe he was mad at Kurt for some reason. There were a thousand reasons that Sebastian might not have called him; it really wasn’t that likely that something was wrong.

By the time he’d finished his second show and still hadn’t heard anything, Kurt was really afraid, even though he wasn’t sure what he was afraid of. He practically ran to the train as soon as he got through the stage door line and avoided his roommates when he got home so that he could get into his room and call Sebastian as quickly as possible.

When he heard Sebastian’s voice on the other end of the phone, Kurt collapsed back onto his bed in relief. “Jesus Christ, Sebastian. It’s been twelve hours! What happened?”

“Has it?” Sebastian asked, and there was something strange about his voice. “I’m so sorry. I just totally lost track of time.”

Now Kurt could tell what it was he was hearing. It sounded like Sebastian was crying. “Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry about this,” Sebastian said, sniffling again. “It just keeps happening.”

“What just keeps happening?” Kurt asked. “Sebastian, what’s going on?”

“I called Tad and asked him why he thinks we broke up,” Sebastian explained. “As it turns out, I may not have communicated very well when I said I wouldn’t go to Dallas. He never got that I specifically wouldn’t go to _Dallas_ or why. He got that I wouldn’t leave a job that I hated to be with him. So I guess he figured that if I didn’t love him enough to give up something I didn’t even really want, then he couldn’t afford to give up his dream job to stay with me.”

Sebastian stopped then and took a deep breath in, which gave Kurt a moment to process what he was saying. He understood why Jacques had told him to go easy on Tad. If that had really been what the whole thing looked like from Tad’s side, Kurt couldn’t really blame him for leaving. And no wonder finding all of this out had upset Sebastian. He’d believed that Tad had left because he didn’t think the relationship was important enough to stay. Sebastian had probably broken Tad’s heart just as much as Tad had broken his.

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt said, not knowing what else to do.

“Thanks,” Sebastian said. “It’s weird. But I’m glad I know. I’ve spent these last two years believing that the person who loved me enough to stick around while I tried to figure out how to be a better person still didn’t love me enough to want to be with me forever. So I’m mad at myself for being so _stupid_ , but I guess it’s easier to live with having fucked it up than it is to live with being fundamentally unlovable.”

Kurt curled up into a ball on the bed and hugged his knees as Sebastian spoke. He’d known that Sebastian wasn’t okay, but it was hard to hear him put how he’d felt about himself into words. When Sebastian finished speaking, Kurt heard a few choked sobs on the other end of the line and Kurt took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from crying too. A part of him wanted nothing more than to hold Sebastian as tightly as he could and try to make him understand exactly how unreasonable the idea that he was unlovable was to Kurt, but he knew that the first part of that was impossible and the second part probably wouldn’t be very useful. “Oh, Sebastian …” he said, trailing off. He couldn’t think of anything to say.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for worrying you. It’s just been a really intense day,” Sebastian replied, and Kurt could hear that he was starting to pull himself together a bit.

“More than just the phone call with Tad?” Kurt asked, nervous about what else could have happened.

“Sort of?” Sebastian answered. “After I got off the phone with him, I looked around my apartment and all of a sudden I realized how fucking tired I was of having everything be such a mess. So I’ve been cleaning it for hours while I tried to work everything out. And … I don’t know.”

Kurt was quiet. He had a feeling Sebastian did know and he just needed to be given a minute to find the words to explain. Kurt’s patience was rewarded when Sebastian started speaking again. “Somewhere in the middle of cleaning, I guess it just occurred to me that I felt like I could breathe. And I don’t even think I knew that I felt like I couldn’t until I could again. I’m probably not making sense, am I?” Kurt tried to answer that Sebastian _was_ making sense, but he didn’t get the chance. “It’s just that I feel stronger all of a sudden, like I might have something to fight with. So I think that’s why the crying keeps happening. I think it’s relief.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Kurt asked, trying to hold his voice steady so that Sebastian wouldn’t be able to tell how hard it was for him to hold in his own tears of relief.

Sebastian laughed. “I think I’m going to go to therapy. I’m pretty sure it’s not normal to feel the way I have been for the last couple of … god, it’s years, isn’t it?”

“I think it’s probably years,” Kurt agreed. “Please let me know if you need any help, okay? I mean, I know you have plenty of people who care about you who are more qualified than me. I just …” Kurt let out a shuddering breath and tried again. “I just really want you to be okay.”

“I think I finally actually might be,” Sebastian said, which crumbled the last of Kurt’s tenuous control and sent the tears streaming down his face. “And thanks for the offer. I think we both know that I’ll end up calling you way more than you want.”

Kurt rolled over onto his back and took a few deep breaths while staring up at his ceiling. “There isn’t really a ‘more than I want.’”

They were silent for a moment, both of them refusing to be the one to end the conversation. Finally, Sebastian gave up and took the initiative. “Okay, I should go to bed. I have some very thrilling grocery shopping to do in the morning.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” Kurt asked.

“Of course.”

Once he was off the phone with Sebastian, Kurt rolled over and buried his face in his arms as he cried. He knew that this one night didn’t mean that Sebastian’s depression was going to completely go away by magic, but he hoped desperately that Sebastian really was on the way to getting better.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a disclaimer, Sebastian's experience is not intended to be a universal experience of depression. It's only meant to be one experience, but it is based on the real experiences of real people.
> 
> For a look at Tad's perspective on his breakup with Sebastian, a bonus ficlet is located [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2745053).


	26. Chapter 26

**June 30 th, 2020**

“So I’m sure everyone will be surprised to find out that Dr. Horwin believes that I’ve been suffering from depression and she recommends a combination of medication and talk therapy,” Sebastian said, sounding oddly energized. Kurt was glad that Sebastian had called him immediately after his first psychiatrist appointment. It was during lunch and Kurt knew Sebastian had to go back to work, but he’d been losing his mind a little wondering how it was going.

“Andrew would be happy to tell you all about the virtues of anti-depressants if you’re having any doubts,” Kurt replied. It was good to know that Sebastian’s psychiatrist had at least some idea what he was doing.

“I already got that lecture from Alex,” Sebastian said. “Before I even had the appointment, actually. But I’ll keep Andrew in mind in case I need a second opinion.”

Kurt tapped his finger against his packing list. He knew that more than a month ahead of time was really overkill, but he just wanted to be prepared for three months in away from home. “I wish I knew how I was getting to Boston, so I knew how much I could reasonably bring.”

“What’s the living arrangement like?” Sebastian asked.

“The theatre owns a few houses, so I’ll have a room in one of those. They’re fully furnished, so it’s just a matter of what I need,” Kurt replied. “The problem is that three months might as well be your entire life when it comes to packing.”

Sebastian laughed. “So dramatic. It’s convenient that they have houses, though. Better than doing the extended-stay hotel thing.”

Kurt sighed. “God, yes. I never want to live in another hotel again after being on tour. Although the houses aren’t much better. The trouble is that, with limited exceptions, I don’t do well having to live with the people I work with. It’s … exhausting.”

Sebastian was quiet for a second. “If you really hate it, you’re always welcome to stay with me.”

“I’m sure I’ll be spending plenty of nights at your apartment,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“Well, obviously. But that’s not what I mean. If it would make things easier for you, I’d be happy to have you stay with me instead of staying in the house. You wouldn’t have to pay rent either way. And I might be exhausting, but at least you won’t also be spending eight hours a day at work with me on top of it. And there’s a bus literally right outside my door that stops by the American Rep, so—”

“Breathe, Sebastian,” Kurt said, although Sebastian wasn’t the only one who needed to breathe. The truth was that the offer was incredibly hard to resist. Kurt knew that Sebastian’s place would be much more comfortable and quiet than a house full of actors. He’d definitely miss out on bonding time by living somewhere else, but a bunch of the cast would be local to Boston anyways, so he wouldn’t be any different than them. Logically, it made total sense. The trouble was that it wasn’t really logic that made him want to say yes. It was the idea of falling asleep every night in Sebastian’s arms.

It was stupid. Kurt knew it was stupid. He had the feeling that even Sebastian knew it was a bad idea. It was going to be hard enough for Kurt to leave after three months and let Sebastian go. Actually living together basically guaranteed that the whole thing would be as painful as possible. But the less rational, less smart part of Kurt’s heart said that if he was going to have to let Sebastian go at the end of all of this, shouldn’t he get to have him for real first?

Kurt remembered his father telling him to try not to worry so much about the future when it came to Sebastian. He was pretty sure this wasn’t what his dad had meant, but it still made some kind of sense. Kurt didn’t want to be smart or judicious anymore. He just wanted as much of Sebastian as he could have before he ran out of time. So if it was three months together, it was three months together. At least he wouldn’t be lying to himself anymore.

“I’ll stay with you, Sebastian,” Kurt said, knowing he was being impulsive and really not caring. “But you’re going to have to make a lot of space in your bathroom.”

“Wait, seriously?” Sebastian asked.

“Yes, seriously. And don’t try to take it back now,” Kurt replied.

Sebastian laughed happily on the other end of the line. “Wouldn’t dream of it. I just didn’t expect you to say yes.”

Kurt hadn’t expected to say yes, either. “I’m very unpredictable. And you’re very late getting back to work.”

* * *

 

That night, Kurt met Andrew, Rachel, and Santana for dinner right after Santana got out of work. Once they’d ordered, Andrew looked around the table and said, “So … I’m thinking of asking Adam to move in.”

Rachel, Kurt, and Santana exchanged glances and then all three of them started laughing, which earned them a withering glare from Andrew.

“You definitely should,” Rachel said when she finally pulled herself together.

“Yeah, but tell him that if he’s not sure, he can’t move in to our apartment,” Santana added.

“So you’re asking him to move to Astoria, huh?” Kurt asked.

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Obviously. Did you really think I was going to leave Astoria?”

Rachel patted him on the back. “We hoped you wouldn’t.” Then the four of them started discussing details.

They were waiting for their dessert to arrive when Santana interrupted the flow of conversation by whacking Kurt on the hand as he tore his straw wrapper into smaller and smaller pieces and saying, “Just spit it out, Hummel!”

Kurt supposed he was going to have to tell them eventually. “Not that I’m trying to upstage your news or anything, Andrew, but I think I’m moving in with Sebastian for three months.”

For a moment, the table was silent as all of his friends stared at him. It was a rare thing to catch all three of them off guard, so Kurt figured he might as well enjoy it.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Kurt?” Rachel finally asked.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a terrible idea,” Kurt said honestly. “But I don’t think I care anymore.”

* * *

 

**July 3 rd, 2020**

The weekend of Sebastian’s visit in July was odd, mostly in that it was just like any other weekend. Kurt came home on Friday night and found Sebastian sitting in the kitchen and having a drink with Alex and Trent.

Kurt’s packing list was sitting next to Sebastian’s arm, and it was obvious he’d been reading it over. It was that, somehow, that really drove it home to Kurt that this was the last of their weekends. By the first weekend in August, Kurt would be in Boston getting settled in Sebastian’s apartment. Kurt only had two weeks before his last performance in Book of Mormon, and then another week in New York before he left.

“How’d you let Trent talk you into coming to New York in July?” Kurt asked Alex, giving him a hug and then walking over to Sebastian’s side of the island.

Trent rolled his eyes. “I didn’t talk him into anything. I _tried_ to convince him that New York in July is horrible and that he’d be much happier if he just waited until I could leave the city, but here he is.”

“You say that like you’re not happy I’m here,” Alex said, grinning at Trent.

“Shut up, you stubborn ass,” Trent replied, shaking his head and then leaning in to kiss Alex.

Sebastian turned to Kurt and said, “They’ll be at that a while.”

“That’s the impression I get.” Kurt picked up the packing list and looked it over. “Have you been crossing off things you have?”

“Mostly I’ve been crossing off things I don’t think you’ll really need. Like pants,” Sebastian replied with a leer.

Kurt crossed his arms and looked at Sebastian sternly. “You remember that I’m coming to Boston _for work_ , right?”

“Well, we assumed it wasn’t for his sparkling personality,” Alex interjected with a laugh.

Sebastian pouted. “He always says the worst things to me.”

“Yeah well, you probably deserve it. Especially if you didn’t look at the list.”

“I looked at the list,” Sebastian said with a sigh. “I actually do have towels, you know. And I don’t think you need to bring a cupcake pan.”

“What if I need to make cupcakes?” Kurt asked, giving Sebastian a confused look.

Sebastian sighed. “I promise I have all normal kitchen supplies, okay? I also have towels.” Then he glanced back down at the list. “And sheets. How do you think I live?”

Kurt could tell that Sebastian was actually kind of offended, which wasn’t what he was going for. He reached out and rested his hands on Sebastian’s hips. “I promise it’s not a reflection of my opinion on you. I’m just anxious and taking it out on the list.”

Sebastian’s eyes softened and he leaned in to kiss Kurt softly, running his hands up and down Kurt’s arms. “We’ll go over it together later, okay?” Then he looked over at Trent and Alex, who were giggling to each other. “When these assholes get out of your apartment.”

“Are we being told to leave?” Alex asked Trent.

“It can’t be! After all we’ve done for him? Sebastian would never just kick us out,” Trent replied, feigning shock.

Alex contemplated Sebastian for a minute. “I don’t know, darling. He might think that he’ll get laid if we leave.”

“We might _all_ get laid if you leave,” Sebastian pointed out, making everyone laugh.

Later that night, Kurt and Sebastian curled up in bed together and went through Kurt’s list, crossing off things he wouldn’t need and making sure that he hadn’t forgotten anything. Kurt felt much less nervous about going to Boston when he was relaxing in Sebastian’s arms, calmly planning everything out.

* * *

 

**July 6 th, 2020**

“Do they even have open mic night in Boston?” Andrew asked, setting the first round of drinks on the table.

“I’m sure they _do_ ,” Sebastian replied. “But probably not ones you’d want to go to.”

Lexie laughed. “Sounds like you’re really going to be roughing it, Kurt. Do they have clean water?”

“Or incredibly expensive hairspray?” Kyle added dramatically.

Kurt rested his head on his arms where they were crossed on the table. “I need new friends.”

A minute later, Andrew started to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102872596706/lisa-brescia-performs-let-things-go-from), and Kurt looked up at the stage in surprise. “ _How does this happen? All your life you think the space you’ve had is not enough. Then you open your closet door and think ‘my life must be more than the sum of this stuff’. Something moves you from within, like say your boyfriend moving in. And that’s how you begin to let things go._ ”

“When did he even leave?” Kurt asked.

“Perhaps he invented teleportation,” Rachel suggested helpfully.

“If he did, he’s using it for really lame reasons,” Santana said, rolling her eyes. “He left right after he dropped off the drinks. Observant much?”

When Andrew got back to the table, Lexie turned to him and said, “So is this your way of telling us that Adam’s agreed to put up with you full time?”

“I think it’s his way of telling me that I’m not getting more than one drawer,” Adam said with a laugh.

Andrew leaned in and kissed Adam on the cheek. “Something like that.”

They spent the next half an hour discussing Adam’s move to Astoria at the end of August, Kurt’s Boston plans, and Sebastian’s new useless co-worker.

Right about the time that they were looking for a refill on drinks, Alex got up to sing. Sebastian looked up at him and then looked over at Trent. “Is he singing what I think he’s singing?”

“Oh, probably,” Trent replied with a laugh.

The song that started playing when Alex was ready on the stage was familiar to Kurt, although he hadn’t heard it since he was a kid. “Is this Hunchback of Notre Dame?” Kurt asked Sebastian.

“Yep,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “And he means exactly what you’d think he means.”

Trent looked a bit thoughtful and said, “Well sort of.” When Kurt gave him a confused look, he elaborated. “Alex doesn’t want to be different, but he does think the world should be different.”

Kurt didn’t think that cleared anything up, but when Alex started to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102872709346/out-there-from-hunchback-of-notre-dame), it was clear what Trent and Sebastian meant. “ _And out there, living in the sun. Give me one day out there, all I ask is one, to hold forever. Out there, where they all live unaware. What I’d give, what I’d dare, if I could live one day out there._ ”

“I never realized how queer this song is,” Lexie said thoughtfully, and then she pulled out her notebook.

“It’s not something you usually notice when you’re five,” Trent replied. “Alex is always willing to let people know.”

“Hey! No writing musicals!” Rachel said, giving Lexie a stern look. “You have enough work to do.”

“But that’s all editing,” Lexie whined. “It’s not any fun at all!”

Rachel crossed her arms. “Aren’t you supposed to be writing commercial musicals, anyways? Not musicals that are as queer as humanly possible?”

“What’s as queer as humanly possible?” Alex asked, sitting down next to Trent.

Sebastian looked over at Alex and rolled his eyes. “You’re as queer as humanly possible.”

Alex tilted his head and bit his lip. After he thought for a few seconds, he said, “I suppose you’d really have to define degrees of queerness to make that statement.”

Trent put his hand over Alex’s mouth and said, “No. We will not be quantifying anything in our free time. And you,” he said to Sebastian, “Don’t get him started.”

“Lexie’s trying to gay up musical theatre again,” Kyle explained helpfully.

“Well, if you ever need any research help, I’m here for you,” Alex replied, smiling.

Sebastian sighed and looked over at Trent, “Want to leave them to it?”

“I don’t know,” Trent replied. “I’m a little afraid Lexie’s going to steal my man while I’m gone.” But he climbed over Alex to get to his feet.

Once Sebastian had crawled out the other side of the table, he clapped Trent on the back and said, “Don’t worry, technically he’s your ex.” Then he dragged Trent up to the stage.

As soon as they left, Lexie moved around to sit next to Alex and started talking to him in whispered tones. They continued talking until Sebastian and Trent were on stage, Sebastian sitting on a stool with his borrowed guitar and Trent standing at his shoulder. Sebastian started them off, [playing and singing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102873003011/sam-tsui-and-jason-pitts-cover-wake-me-up-by) a slightly slowed down acoustic cover of a song Kurt knew very well. “ _Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart. I can’t tell where this journey will end, but I know where it starts. They tell me I’m too young to understand, that I’m caught up in a dream. Well life will pass me by if I don’t up my eyes; well that’s fine by me._ ”

Trent joined Sebastian on the chorus and they smiled at each other as they harmonized. It was easy to see why Sebastian had chosen this song, and it made Kurt feel like he might start crying again.

Kurt felt a hand touch his shoulder as Sebastian and Trent continued to sing, and he looked up to see that it was Alex. Kurt leaned in towards him and whispered, “He really is getting better, right? I’m not just missing things?”

Alex nodded and said, “He really is getting better.”

When Sebastian slid back into the booth, Kurt laced their hands together and kissed Sebastian. “What was that for?” Sebastian asked, but Kurt just shook his head and kissed him again. He wanted to say that it was because he liked seeing Sebastian so happy, but happy wasn’t really the right word for it. Sebastian had been happy plenty of times over the last couple of years. The difference was that Sebastian seemed lighter and less worn.

Kurt was going last that night, and he was pretty happy with his song choice. It encapsulated everything that he felt about going to Boston, but there was also something about it that fit his feelings about Sebastian right now as well. Kurt smiled softly as the [music](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/102873134336/vienna-tengs-goodnight-new-york) began to play and let himself focus on crafting a mood. “ _Goodnight, New York. New York, goodnight, goodnight. I’ll see you on the other side, after I am a different man with different eyes. Goodnight, you canyons of steel and light, twist and turn where your alleyways hide, swaying trains sheltering dreams and little white lies_.”

“You know you’re only going away for three months, right?” Sebastian asked when Kurt settled in next to him again. “I’m pretty sure everything will be exactly the same when you get back.”

Kurt just leaned his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and didn’t say anything as their friends chatted around them. He didn’t feel the need to explain that it wasn’t New York that he expected to have changed when he came back: it was himself.

* * *

 

**July 27 th, 2020**

Kurt’s last bow at Book of Mormon came faster than he expected. It was definitely a bittersweet occasion. He was going to miss the predictable schedule and the stability that came from being in a long running show, and he was definitely going to miss the cast, but he was starting to feel like he was outgrowing the role. It was time for him to move on.

His last show was on a Sunday, and afterwards the cast went out for celebratory drinks. Kurt spent Monday hung over and then spent a few days being lazy, which was very much needed. He also dedicated a lot of time to visiting all of his favorite New York restaurants before he left. All of his friends teased him about that mission, but they were happy to join in and enjoy the food.

The morning of Thursday, July 27th, Kurt packed his suitcases into a rental car and prepared to leave for Boston. His New York friends gathered in front of the apartment in Astoria to see him off.

“Now remember not to talk to strangers!” Andrew said, giving Kurt a hug. “Unless they’re hot.”

Kyle shoved the last of Kurt’s bags into the back of his rented hatchback and closed the trunk with finality. “Avoid Red Sox fans. I hear they bite!”

“Now remember, they can’t keep you, no matter how much they want you. You have rehearsal for the Longest Distance on November 2nd!” Lexie reminded him with a laugh.

Santana patted him on the back and said, “Don’t let Sebastian wear you out too much. You’re not as young as he is!” Which earned her a glare before Kurt was willing to hug her.

She held onto him for a while when he did finally hug her, so he whispered into her ear, “I’m going to miss you, too.”

Rachel was the last to hug Kurt, and she was tearing up when she threw her arms around him and held on tightly. “It’s only three months,” he said. “You’ll barely even know I was gone.”

“You’ll call me though, right?” she said without letting him go. “And you’ll let me know if you need anything? And try to be open-minded?”

“Open-minded?” he asked, pulling back a bit to raise his eyebrows at her.

Rachel nodded. “About Sebastian.”

Kurt was pretty sure that open-mindedness wasn’t what was called for here. “Why? Does he have a box of kinky sex toys under his bed?”

“Probably,” Rachel replied, rolling her eyes. “But I mean about your relationship with him. Try not to go into these few months having already decided what’s going happen.”

Kurt rolled his eyes back at her. He hadn’t been thinking of getting three months away from his friends’ opinions on what was going on with him and Sebastian as one of the perks of doing Romeo and Juliet, but now he definitely was. Rather than arguing, he just hugged her again and said, “Goodbye, Rachel.”

Then, before any of his friends could offer him any more _helpful_ advice, Kurt got in the car, turned on his GPS, pulled out of his space, and waved goodbye. As he drove off, he watched them waving dramatically in the mirror until he was out of sight.

Once he was on the road, he turned on the “moving to Boston” playlist that his friends had made for him. When he realized that the first song was [_Boston_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ASJBXu8tNo) by Augustana, he couldn’t help but laugh and sing along.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends year 2.
> 
> For a bonus ficlet about Trent and Alex back in their college days, go [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725495).
> 
> "Wake Me Up" is the second (and last) song from this fic that was actually used on Glee. This one I picked long before they did it on Glee, and it was so much a part of Sebastian's story for me, that I couldn't cut it at that point. But I figured that, since it's canon compliant through season 4, I can get away with using one season song.
> 
> Note: I am a Red Sox fan. I do not bite. I would not cross Boston fans in general, though.


	27. Chapter 27

**July 30 th, 2020**

Kurt pulled up outside of Sebastian’s apartment around 2:30 in the afternoon. When he saw Sebastian leaning on a pole, he rolled down the window and said, “Aren’t you supposed to be working from home?”

“This is pretty much what working from home looks like these days,” Sebastian answered with a grin. “Are you just going to sit there or …”

“Maybe I’m appreciating the view,” Kurt replied, but he opened the car door and climbed out.

Sebastian looked down at himself and then back up at Kurt. “I’m pretty sure you’ve seen my pajamas before.”

“Well, never in broad daylight on a busy city street,” Kurt pointed out, shoving his hands into his pockets and shifting from foot to foot. All of a sudden, he felt like he had no idea how to act around Sebastian. The combination of the fact that he’d never even seen Sebastian’s apartment before and the fact that this wasn’t just a weekend was making Kurt feel totally out of his element.

For a moment, Kurt thought that Sebastian might be feeling the same way, because he stood with his arms crossed just looking at Kurt. Sebastian got over it sooner though. He walked over to the curb and pulled Kurt’s sunglasses off, then he cupped Kurt’s face in one hand, running his thumb over Kurt’s cheekbone, and leaned in for a kiss.

Kissing Sebastian immediately made Kurt feel better; it was like he’d needed the reminder that, however strange the situation, they still had each other. He let his hands slip under the back of Sebastian’s t-shirt so that he could touch bare skin and pulled Sebastian as close as possible.

After another minute, Sebastian pulled back and said, “You know we’re still on a busy street, right?”

“Mhm,” Kurt said, reaching up to push Sebastian’s hair back out of his eyes. “And I know we have to return this car in a couple of hours.”

“In that case, perhaps we should unload it?” Sebastian asked.

Instead of answering, Kurt leaned up to press another quick kiss to Sebastian’s lips and then let go of him to pop the trunk. Sebastian stared into the car at Kurt’s suitcases, looking more than a bit shocked. “I probably should have told you that we don’t have an elevator before you packed.”

Kurt pulled his laptop bag out of the front seat and grabbed his garment bag before he reached over to pat Sebastian on the arm. “You’re young and strong. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t until Kurt was standing in Sebastian’s bedroom with his suitcases that he really thought about the fact that he’d never lived with someone else before. He’d had roommates, of course, but he’d definitely never shared a closet. It was weirder to realize that Sebastian had done this before, and that he’d done it before in this apartment.

Sebastian came into the room a few minutes after him and gave Kurt a confused look. “They don’t unpack themselves, you know.”

“I just didn’t know where I should be putting things,” Kurt explained, which was true, even if it hadn’t been the source of his hesitation.

“Anywhere you want, really,” Sebastian replied with a shrug. “That dresser is yours.” He gestured across the room at an antique dresser and then pushed the closet door open to reveal that it was half empty.

Kurt looked from the spare dresser to the half-empty closet to Sebastian, who looked a bit nervous, and his heart ached. It hurt to see the amount of care Sebastian had taken to make room for him. There was no way he could have put anything he was feeling into words, so he just crossed the room and threw his arms around Sebastian’s neck. “Thank you,” he said into Sebastian’s shoulder.

Sebastian hugged him back, but Kurt could tell that he was confused from the tone of his voice. “It’s not anything, really. A coworker had the dresser in storage …” But he trailed off as Kurt just held him tighter.

After a minute, Kurt let him go and said, “Are you going to help me unpack?”

“I will, if there’s anything I can do without taking my life into my hands,” Sebastian replied with a laugh.

Kurt had to think about that. After Sebastian had gone through his packing list, he’d really only needed clothes and toiletries, which didn’t leave much that he didn’t need to do himself. “Maybe you should just sit here and look pretty.”

“Good thing I’m fantastic at that.”

Around six o’clock, Sebastian wandered out to the kitchen and started cooking. Kurt finished unpacking his clothes and then joined Sebastian and started opening all of the cupboards to see where things were. Kurt had spent enough time with Sebastian to know that he was naturally quite neat, but his apartment was still shockingly clean for a guy living alone. It jogged a memory of Sebastian telling him that he’d spent hours cleaning his apartment after talking to Tad. “Are you always this clean?” Kurt asked, pulling himself up onto the counter.

Sebastian looked down at himself for a second before figuring out what Kurt meant. Then he stepped back from the stove to lean against the counter next to Kurt. “Normally I am. But for a while there I lost track of things.”

Kurt closed his eyes for a second and nodded. He'd known how much Sebastian had been struggling a few months ago, but this bit of information really drove it home. He pushed gently on Sebastian’s shoulder until Sebastian got the hint and turned to stand in between Kurt’s legs. Kurt rested his arms on Sebastian’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him, nearly forgetting that Sebastian had been cooking at all until the timer went off.

In the middle of dinner, Sebastian looked up from his plate with a wicked grin. “You know there are a lot of upsides to the fact that I have no roommates. For example, you can be naked literally whenever and wherever you want.”

“You mean I can be naked whenever and wherever _you_ want?” Kurt asked, giving him a pointed look.

“No, that would be unreasonable,” Sebastian answered. “You probably have to be clothed at some point.”

* * *

 

**July 31 st-August 2nd, 2020**

On Friday, Sebastian had to go back to work; there was a limit to how much time he could spend pretending to work from home. Kurt didn’t mind being abandoned very much. There was an odd sense of déjà vu to having Sebastian leave him in bed to go to work, even if it was a different bed in a different city.

Kurt spent the day settling in to Sebastian’s apartment and getting everything ready for rehearsal on Monday so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it over the weekend. In a way, it was better that Sebastian was gone for the day. Kurt needed time to be alone in a place in order to feel completely comfortable.

That night, Sebastian picked Kurt up and they went downtown to see Shakespeare on the Common. Sebastian had figured that it was an appropriate activity considering that Kurt was in Boston to do Shakespeare himself. He’d also promised that it would be fun.

Sebastian had definitely made a good choice. When they got to Boston Common, they bought sandwiches and lemonade, and they talked until the sun started to set and the show began. The two of them sat in folding chairs situated close enough together that Sebastian could wrap his arm around Kurt. Titus Andronicus wasn’t one of Kurt’s favorite scripts, but the production was well directed, and the outdoor stage lended itself very well to the drama of the show.

It was sort of the perfect night, even if Kurt did end up feeling like he was going to smell like bugspray for the rest of his life.

On Saturday, Sebastian played Boston tour guide and took Kurt to the Freedom Trail. Then on Sunday, they went out to Cambridge to visit the Harvard campus.

Kurt could tell that Sebastian was in his element at Harvard. Whatever bittersweet memories he might have of the place, he was obviously thrilled to be showing it to Kurt. They stood in front of Sebastian’s old dorm while he explained the house system, and over by the library while Sebastian told stories about the rare book collection.

They ended up sitting by a fountain watching a bunch of kids chase each other through the water. “So I wanted to ask you something,” Sebastian said, leaning back on his hands.

“Ask away,” Kurt replied, nudging Sebastian with his shoulder and smiling.

“My a cappella group does this reunion thing every year. A ton of alums come back into town and everyone spends the weekend together. And on Sunday morning we do this low key performance thing over on the quad. The different alumni groups sing, and people’s friends and family come if they can.”

Kurt crossed his legs and sat up straighter as he waited for Sebastian to get around to the asking part of this question. “It’s on August 23rd, so Sunday should still be your day off. I was hoping you’d come,” Sebastian said in a rush.

“So you’re saying you want me to come watch you sing a cappella with a bunch of grown up prep school boys?” Kurt asked, just to make sure he had it right. When Sebastian nodded, Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, Sebastian. Absolutely yes. This is the most amazing moment of my life.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kurt. “You know what, you’re going to enjoy this too much. Never mind. I take it back!”

“It’s way too late.” There was absolutely no way that Kurt was going to miss out on actually getting to see Sebastian perform with an a cappella group again. It was obviously the type of performance he enjoyed most, and Kurt hadn’t seen him do it since they were kids. Not to mention that he was sure they’d have a bunch of ridiculous traditions that would be endlessly amusing.

“If you keep laughing at me, I’m absolutely not buying you dinner,” Sebastian said, looking adorably grumpy.

Kurt leaned over and kissed Sebastian on the cheek. “I finally get to pay for dinner? I think this is my favorite day.” Then he jumped to his feet and reached out to Sebastian.

Sebastian took his hand grudgingly and allowed himself to be pulled up. “I don’t know how this conversation got away from me,” he said with a sigh.

“They always get away from you,” Kurt replied, lacing their fingers together and letting Sebastian lead him off campus.

* * *

 

**August 2 nd, 2020**

“I keep expecting you to get less nervous about these things,” Sebastian said, leaning in the doorway and watching Kurt fuss with his shirt. It was Kurt’s first day of rehearsal, and they both had to leave in a few minutes.

“Really comforting, Sebastian,” Kurt snapped just a bit too harshly. Instead of being angry, Sebastian crossed the room to stand behind him, resting his hands on Kurt’s shoulders.

Kurt watched their reflection for a moment and decided that they looked good together. Sebastian was wearing a suit and Kurt was wearing a short sleeve button up and tight jeans, so they didn’t exactly look like they were going to the same place, but they still looked right. Kurt felt a pang at that thought and tried to suppress it. He was anxious enough already.

“Sorry,” he said quietly, leaning back and letting Sebastian’s solid presence strengthen him.

“It’s fine,” Sebastian replied with a soft smile. “But we should go.”

Kurt grabbed his bag and let Sebastian lead him out of the apartment and across the street to the bus stop. “You don’t have to wait with me, you know,” Kurt said once they were standing by the sidewalk. He didn’t really want to be left alone just yet, but he knew Sebastian had a job to get to.

“I know,” Sebastian said, resting a hand in the middle of Kurt’s back. “Indulge me.”

“It’s just that I haven’t had a lead role since college,” Kurt said, trying to explain why he was so tense. “I’m not used to the pressure anymore.”

Sebastian leaned in and pressed a kiss to Kurt’s temple. “You can do this. I don’t doubt your talent, which might not mean much, but Hadley Martin cast you, and she wouldn’t have if she had any doubts.”

“It means a lot, you know,” Kurt said, turning to look at Sebastian. “That you believe in me.”

“Well, that’s one thing you can count on me for,” Sebastian said with a smile, then he pulled Kurt in for a tight hug as the bus pulled up.

When Kurt got back to the apartment after rehearsal, he found that Sebastian had changed out of his work clothes and was making chili. Sebastian looked up and said, “So, you seem to have survived.”

“It was touch and go there for a bit, but I managed,” Kurt replied, dropping his bag and going to stand in the kitchen. “No, it was amazing. We had a long meeting and discussed the concept with the group, and then Hadley met with just Tess—the girl playing Juliet—and I for a while before the read through.”

“I’m guessing she had interesting things to say?” Sebastian asked, holding out a spoonful of chili for Kurt.

Kurt wrapped his hand around Sebastian’s on the spoon so that he wouldn’t spill and took a bite. “Tastes done to me,” he said.

Sebastian nodded and turned the heat off, and Kurt kept talking as they served themselves. “She basically said that she was tired of watching people with more budget than sense throw design elements at Romeo and Juliet like darts at a dartboard, so the team’s primary goal is to make sure that the concept is fully realized.”

“She sounds like your kind of person,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Diet Coke’s fine. And yeah, we’ve definitely always spoken the same language,” Kurt said, waiting for Sebastian to sit down across from him.

“So what is the concept?” Sebastian asked.

“Basically, it’s Italy in the 1950s,” Kurt explained as he took another bite of his dinner. He spent the rest of the meal describing costume design sketches, set mock ups, and other details from his first day of rehearsal and then convincing Sebastian to talk about his day for a while.

When Kurt crawled into bed with Sebastian later that night and curled up to read for a while, he couldn’t help but think how glad he was that he’d decided to stay there for the next few months instead of in housing provided by the theatre.

* * *

 

**August 7 th, 2020**

The following Sunday, Sebastian had to leave for New York. It was sort of startling for both of them, as if they’d forgotten that Kurt wasn’t actually Sebastian’s only reason for going to New York.

Kurt had always liked having alone time, but rattling around Sebastian’s apartment by himself was strange enough that he gave up and called Andrew. Kurt hadn’t talked to him enough lately anyways.

“So how are things going?” Kurt asked.

“Adam’s started moving stuff in and oh my god, Kurt. I have to live _with a boy_!”

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. He knew the feeling. “Me too! I’m living with one right now. Well, not right now. I think he’s sleeping in my room in New York right now. God, that’s weird.”

“That really is weird,” Andrew replied. “How’s it going when he is there?”

Kurt pulled his feet up under himself and leaned his head on the arm of the couch. “He sorts his silverware when he puts it in the dishwasher. And he puts the toilet paper roll upside down. And he secretly watches reruns of Gilmore Girls, which is both totally surprising and not all that strange when you think about it. And being here with him is kind of perfect. And I think this must be what it feels like to die slowly,” Kurt said all in a rush, and then he wiped away a few tears with his sleeve and sniffled.

“Oh sweetie …” Andrew said, and Kurt could tell that, for once, he had no idea what to say.

“I keep trying to be the kind of person who just enjoys the moment, but I look at him and I can’t help thinking that I don’t know how I’ll ever leave him.”

Andrew was quiet on the other end of the line for a minute. “Have you thought about telling him that you’re in love with him?”

“I can’t! I’m barely handling things as they are. How could saying it do anything but make everything harder?” Kurt asked. A part of him was pretty sure that, if he told Sebastian that he loved him, Sebastian would say it back, but that would only make it even more impossible for Kurt to let him go. And if Kurt was wrong and he didn’t say it back, it would make their living arrangement incredibly awkward.

“You could drink a heroic amount of vodka?” Andrew offered.

“I can always count on you for the most reasonable solution,” Kurt said, laughing at his friend.

“Good! Now go pour yourself a drink and tell me more about rehearsals.”

* * *

 

**August 13 th, 2020**

Kurt was sitting on the couch reviewing his script and notes after dinner, when Sebastian wandered through the living room talking on the phone.

“I promise that I’ve once again registered your objection to this,” Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. He listened for a minute and then replied, “I am aware of the fifty-year history of the Counterpoints, yes.”

Sebastian plopped down on the opposite end of the couch as he continued to listen to someone apparently going on a long rant about a cappella. “I am aware of the tradition, Wesley. But, quite frankly, nobody wants to wear tails to sing outside in the middle of August. You just aren’t going to get much support on that.”

Kurt stretched his legs out to rest his feet in Sebastian’s lap as he listened to the conversation. He couldn’t hear what the other person was saying, but he could guess that whoever it was wanted to wear tuxes for a casual alumni performance. Kurt had to agree with Sebastian. Even Kurt couldn’t justify that one for the sake of fashion.

“Well, actually my song was released in 2012. But if you’d be happier sticking to the traditional constraints, I think you should do that,” Sebastian said with a sigh. “Yes, I’ll see you in a few weeks. I know you’re looking forward to it.”

When Sebastian finally hung up the phone, he immediately dropped his head into his hands.

“Who on earth was that?” Kurt asked.

“The Stalin of college a cappella,” Sebastian replied, looking over at Kurt with a tired grin. Then he stopped and thought for a second. “Actually, didn’t you go to Dalton the year before I started? Your junior year?” Sebastian asked.

“Yes?” Kurt replied unsure of where Sebastian was going with this.

“Then you would know Wes,” Sebastian replied with a shrug.

Kurt sat up straight, pulling his legs out of Sebastian’s lap. “Wait. You mean you were just talking to _Wes Montgomery_?” He couldn’t even imagine Sebastian and Wes being a part of the same group.

Sebastian laughed. “The one and only.”

“That fucks with my entire sense of the universe. How did that even happen?” It was hard to believe that Wes would ever agree to sing with Sebastian.

“The Counterpoints have had a lot of Dalton alums. It’s a very competitive, all-male a cappella group, so it’s sort of a natural fit. I’m pretty sure Wes voted against me at auditions, though.”

Kurt gave Sebastian a considering look. “So, Wes is the Stalin of college a cappella, huh? That sounds about right.”

“He’s been upset for years that the reunions don’t follow traditional performance rules,” Sebastian explained. “I only called to tell him what songs the Boston alums are performing, and that’s what it turned into.”

It was going to be particularly weird to see Wes in a few weeks. Kurt hadn’t seen him since Wes’s graduation from Dalton. He’d known back then that Wes was going to Harvard, although he never would have thought of it if Sebastian hadn’t reminded him. He had no idea what Wes had been up to for all these years. Naturally he asked the most important question first. “So is Wes still straight?”

Sebastian looked up at Kurt in shock. “I didn’t know he ever was.” Then Sebastian blushed. “Well I can promise you he wasn’t by the time I knew him. Although he is married now, and he and his wife have a daughter.”

Kurt fixed Sebastian with an intense stare. There was absolutely no good reason why a discussion of Wes’s sexuality should make Sebastian blush. “Sebastian, do you have firsthand knowledge of the fact that Wes isn’t straight?”

“No!” Sebastian said, looking alarmed. “I mean … it was one time.”

“I had the impression that he didn’t like you much,” Kurt replied, raising his eyebrows.

“He doesn’t! It was late and we were arguing about arrangements, and one thing led to another …”

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. “So you’re telling me you had hate sex?”

“Well … hate blowjobs. But yes,” Sebastian replied, and then he pulled his knees up in front of him and buried his face in them. “I am so sorry you know this,” he said, his voice muffled.

Kurt scooted over on the couch so that he could rest his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Hey, Wes is cute in a freakishly rigid kind of way. I’m sure you’ve had sex with more embarrassing people.”

“I think I hate you. Just a little bit,” Sebastian said, sitting up and dislodging Kurt.

Kurt ran his hand up Sebastian’s back and into his hair, and then he leaned in for a kiss.

Sebastian kissed back eagerly and after a minute pushed Kurt back until he was lying on the couch with Sebastian stretched out on top of him.

When Sebastian pulled back to brush Kurt’s hair out of his eyes, Kurt said, “No you don’t. Not even a little bit.”

Sebastian looked puzzled for a minute and then seemed to remember what he’d said. “Not at all,” he replied, and then kissed Kurt again.

* * *

 

**August 20 th, 2020**

For years after his mother died, Kurt had a recurring nightmare that he was trapped in a maze searching for her. No matter how hard he searched or what he tried, the maze only got deeper.

He hadn’t had that dream in years but when he jerked awake in the wee hours of Thursday morning, he realized that he’d been trapped in the maze again. His heart was racing, and he was breathing fast so it was no surprise that he felt like he rather desperately needed to get out of bed. It was only when he looked over at Sebastian that the dream started to come back to him in detail. It had been the same dream as always, the maze had been just how he remembered it, but this time it hadn’t been his mother he was searching for; it had been Sebastian.

Kurt needed fresh air. He stumbled out to the living room, grabbed his keys, and ran down the stairs and out the front door of Sebastian’s building.

Once he got outside and sat down on the front stoop, he realized that he hadn’t even bothered to grab shoes before he went outside. All he’d wanted was to run away from the fact that even his subconscious was now telling him that, when it came to Sebastian, he was completely lost.

For an August night, it was actually chilly, and Kurt was wearing just a thin t-shirt and his pajama pants, so he wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin on them. He took a few slow, deep breaths and tried to control his racing heart, but as soon as he caught his breath the tears started.

If Kurt had been a child, he would have been throwing a temper tantrum right then. There was a very large part of him that just wanted to scream, kick the ground, and complain that it wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to cry anymore, and he didn’t want to be trapped. He just wanted a solution that let him be with Sebastian.

As if Sebastian had been summoned by Kurt’s thoughts, the door swung open and a blanket was dropped over Kurt’s shoulders. Kurt looked up just as Sebastian took a seat next to him on the stoop. “It’s 4am,” Sebastian said, sounding tired but not upset.

“I know,” Kurt replied with a sigh and leaned into him. “I had a dream that freaked me out, and I needed fresh air.”

Sebastian nodded and wrapped his arm around Kurt’s back. They sat like that for nearly five minutes before Sebastian spoke again, softly. “Why are we really out here, Kurt?”

“I told you, I had a dream.” He didn’t need to mention that the dream had been about Sebastian.

“I know you did,” Sebastian said. “But I don’t think that’s really _why_ we’re out here. Something’s been going on with you. I know it!”

Kurt closed his eyes. He really didn’t want to do this right now. “Nothing’s going on.”

Sebastian pulled his arm back and fixed Kurt with an intense stare. “Kurt, you’re sitting on my stoop at 4am shivering. Why won’t you just tell me?”

“I did tell you. I don’t know what more you want!” Kurt said, knowing that he sounded frustrated. He didn’t want to fight with Sebastian, but he didn’t know what to say to make Sebastian let it go.

“The truth? If it was only a dream, why didn’t you just wake me up instead of running out here?” Sebastian asked, looking just as exhausted as Kurt felt.

“I didn’t want to wake you up, Sebastian. You couldn’t do anything to help. I just needed to breathe.”

Sebastian stood up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Why wouldn’t I be able to help? You call me all the time, and I’m always here for you! What the hell could the problem be now that you think I can’t help?”

“Because I’m in love with you! And how the _fuck_ would you help with that?” It took Kurt a minute to really process what he’d said and, when he did, his breath caught in his throat as he stared up at Sebastian with wide eyes.

“What?” Sebastian said, dropping down onto the stoop next to Kurt in surprise and staring back at him. “Kurt, are you serious?”

Kurt ran a hand over his face. He had no idea how he’d let that slip out, and he had no idea how he was going to deal with the mess it would inevitably make. “Jesus Christ. I did not mean to say that.”

“But is it true?” Sebastian asked quietly. He looked young and scared all of a sudden and, in a way, it was comforting to know that Kurt wasn’t the only one who was afraid.

“Of course it’s true,” he said, controlling the urge to reach out for Sebastian. “But …”

“For how long?” Sebastian asked, still sounding surprised.

“I’m not sure, exactly.” Kurt couldn’t help but think back to that night in February in the apartment when he’d known for sure. ”I didn’t really realize it until a few months ago, but it’s probably been longer than that.”

Sebastian leaned back and looked up at the sky. “Fuck. Kurt. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it doesn’t really change anything?” Kurt said, thinking that Sebastian must have figured that out by now.

“How does it not change anything?” Sebastian said, standing up and wandering down the stairs so that he could pace back and forth on the ground in front of the stoop. “Don’t you get it? I saw Next to Normal five times. I dropped all my plans and got on a bus to New York when you went on as Elder Price. I’ve sent you flowers for every opening night. I went to Mike and Tina’s wedding and took vacation time so I could be with you longer.” Sebastian stopped pacing to look up at Kurt. “And I know you’re busy, but you would never have come to Boston if you weren’t doing a show here. You don’t really go out of your way, so I tried not to let myself think … but then there are these moments when it feels like you’re right there with me. I’ve never been sure if you felt the same way I did.”

Kurt didn’t know how to explain why he’d been so hesitant to push things any further. “I was so afraid of getting in too deep. I just kept thinking that if only I didn’t let things go too far, neither of us would get hurt, and …” Then Kurt finally thought his way all the way through what Sebastian had said. “Wait. The same way you did?”

Sebastian sighed and walked back up the stairs. “Jesus, Kurt—” he said as he sat down heavily. “Of course I’m in love with you.”

For a moment, Kurt just stared at him. Somehow Sebastian Smythe had just said that he was in love with Kurt. It made Kurt feel a little bit queasy, because hearing it made everything so completely real. Sebastian loved him, and it couldn’t fix anything. ”Fuck. What are we going to do?”

“I don’t understand why this scares you so much,” Sebastian said, running a hand up and down Kurt’s back.

“Because I’ll be back in New York in two months and you’ll be here! We can’t be in a relationship and be two hundred miles away from each other. We’ve both been through this before.”

Sebastian gave him an incredulous look. “You really can’t see the difference between what happened to us both in the past and this?”

“Not really, no,” Kurt replied. They’d talked about this the first time they’d run into each other after all. “Seems a lot like history repeating.”

Sebastian took a deep breath and said, “I know you’re going to have to be in New York. But I don’t have to be in Boston. I could be in New York, too. Maybe not right away, jobs and all that shit, but I could.”

Kurt turned his head slowly to look at Sebastian. For a moment he wondered if he was still dreaming. The whole thing seemed too insane to really be happening. People didn’t just sit outside at four in the morning and offer to uproot their entire lives. “You can’t move to New York for me! I’ve been through all of that before, too, and it ruined everything. This is your home.”

“Kurt,” Sebastian said, reaching over and taking his hand. “Come on, you know me better than that. I’m miserable. I’ve been miserable for years. This a prison that I got left in and, no matter what else gets better, that won’t change while I’m here.”

“So you’re saying that if you came to New York, it wouldn’t just be for me?” Kurt said. He felt like the whole world was running too fast of a sudden, and he couldn’t understand what was happening.

Sebastian reached over with his free hand to hook a finger under Kurt’s chin and tilt his head up until they were looking into each other’s eyes. “I’m saying that, one way or another, I’m going to have to leave Boston. For me.”

Kurt held Sebastian’s gaze and, for the first time, let himself imagine that things weren’t hopeless. It made him feel dizzy and overwhelmed. “Okay. I just need to think. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation in the middle of the night!”

“I’m not going anywhere. We can go back to bed and figure this out tomorrow?” Sebastian said, shifting so that he could wrap his arms around Kurt.

“I feel like I got run over by a bus,” Kurt said, burying his face in Sebastian’s shoulder and holding on tightly.

“Well, that’s unflattering,” Sebastian said with a laugh.

“Shut up.”

“Hey, you just told me you’re in love with me and you haven’t even kissed me. You suck at this whole love thing. This isn’t how it’s supposed to—” Kurt interrupted Sebastian by pulling back so that he could press their lips together. Sebastian kissed back like he was drowning, and Kurt followed his lead. He knew that he needed to think through all of this rationally, but all he could think about was the possibility that he and Sebastian could have a real chance.

After a minute, Kurt broke the kiss and said, “Take me back to bed, please?”

“Anything you want,” Sebastian replied standing up and reaching out a hand to pull Kurt to his feet.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... how's year three going for you guys so far?
> 
> For a look at the first time Sebastian ever told anyone he was in love with Kurt, [here's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6726221) a bonus ficlet.
> 
> (Also the one place that I've absolutely taken the most factual liberty is with college a cappella. I don't know anything.)


	28. Chapter 28

**August 20 th, 2020**

Kurt knew that he wasn’t doing his best work on Thursday morning. He could have blamed his lack of sleep, but he knew that the problem was that he couldn’t stop thinking about Sebastian and what they were going to do. A very large part of him was screaming just to say yes, to take whatever Sebastian was offering if it meant they could be together. But he just couldn’t ignore the voice in his head that reminded him that the last time Sebastian had taken a job to be with someone, he’d been miserable for years and was only now starting to recover. Kurt couldn’t help thinking that he shouldn’t ask Sebastian to do that again.

When they broke for lunch, Kurt very nearly ran out of the theatre. He called Rachel while sitting on a bench in a nearby park. As soon as she picked up, he said, “Would I be a horrible, selfish person if I let Sebastian move to New York for me?”

Rachel was quiet for a second, and then she said. “Kurt Hummel, what _on earth_ are you talking about?”

“I told Sebastian that I love him last night. By accident,” Kurt said, pulling his salad out of his lunch bag. He could eat and freak out at the same time.

“Oh my god, Kurt!” Rachel said, almost shrieking. “What did he say? He said he loves you, too, right?”

Kurt ripped open his package of salad dressing and started to pour it on his salad. “Eventually. But since we live in two different cities, that doesn’t exactly solve anything.”

“And I’m guessing from the way you started this conversation that he said that you two didn’t have to live in two different cities?”

“Yeah. He said that he needed to get out of Boston either way,” Kurt said, remembering the points that Sebastian had made the night before.

“Can I be blunt with you?” Rachel asked.

“Are you ever anything else?” Kurt replied with a snort.

“No,” Rachel said, and he could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “You’re twenty-seven years old, Kurt. It’s time that you stopped letting what happened with Blaine when you were nineteen influence your perception of what’s normal in a relationship.”

Kurt had to think about that for a minute. It was true that he hadn’t been convinced that having someone change their life for him was guaranteed to be a disaster until Blaine had transferred to McKinley to be with him and then things had fallen apart when he left, but at the time it had felt like a life lesson.

Rachel continued without waiting for a response. “You can’t have a long-term adult relationship without planning around each other eventually. So I guess the question is, do you think Sebastian could be it for you?”

That gave Kurt pause. He’d been so careful never to let himself imagine a possible future with Sebastian because he’d always known it wasn’t going to happen. But now that he was letting himself think about it, the truth was overwhelming. “Yeah, Rachel. I think he really might be,” he said finally, and he knew his voice sounded strange and choked off.

“I don’t think it’s selfish to let someone love you, Kurt. Not when you love him, too.”

Kurt dropped his head and gripped the edge of the bench tightly with his free hand. He so desperately wished that what she was saying were true. “He said I don’t go out of my way,” Kurt said, his voice barely above a whisper. “What if that’s still who I am? What if I’m still too focused on my work to be in a relationship?”

“Honey, I think you already are in one in every way that matters as far as that goes,” Rachel said quietly. “Do you really think Sebastian would have offered to move to New York to be with you if he thought that you couldn’t love him enough?”

It was hard to tell exactly how far Sebastian had thought his offer through, but Rachel was probably at least partially right. “But what if he ends up trapped in a place he doesn’t want to be again?”

“The vast majority of people that Sebastian cares about are in New York. You will never be the only thing he has here, and I think you know that. So why don’t you tell me why you’re looking for reasons to say no?” Rachel asked pointedly.

Kurt was a little stunned; he didn’t really feel like that’s what he was doing, but it was easy to understand how it would sound that way. The trouble was that, having spent so much time trying to protect his heart by never letting a sliver of hope in, it was hard to reverse direction. “It feels like I have to eliminate every reason to say no before I can say yes.”

“Well make a list, because I’d bet you any amount of money that he’ll have an answer for everything you can come up with,” Rachel said with a laugh. “But as far as your original question, it’d be really funny to watch you try to stop Sebastian from moving to New York if that’s what he decided to do.”

“You’re probably right about that,” Kurt replied, laughing with her. “So you really think everything would be okay?”

“I think you’re going to live happily ever after, if you just get out of your own way.”

* * *

 

After rehearsal, Kurt allowed himself just a few minutes before he went inside. He stared up at the building, knowing that Sebastian was in there waiting for him, and just let himself breathe. It wasn’t that he was afraid to talk to Sebastian, or even that he wasn’t ready. It was just that, no matter what he and Sebastian decided, this would be the moment where everything changed. Kurt had always felt the need to mark those moments when he saw them coming.

When Kurt finally went inside, he found Sebastian standing in the kitchen wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt and unpacking Chinese take-out onto the counter. As he did, he hummed a song that Kurt didn’t know and step-touched along with the rhythm. Kurt felt his chest tighten at the sight, and he wanted nothing so much at that moment than to hold on to Sebastian and never let go. “You got me the crab rangoon,” Kurt said, managing to start important conversations with something irrelevant, as usual.

“Of course I got you the crab rangoon,” Sebastian said, turning to smile at him. “You love the crab rangoon.”

“I love you,” Kurt replied, because he couldn’t seem to stop himself from saying it.

Sebastian walked over and draped his arms over Kurt’s shoulders. “That’s the rumor I’ve heard,” he said, and then he leaned in for a kiss. The kiss was less desperate than the one the night before, but there was no less feeling in it. As Kurt slid his hands under the sides of Sebastian’s t-shirt and rested them on the bare skin of Sebastian’s waist, he let himself imagine what it would be like to have this forever: to be able to come home and kiss Sebastian in their kitchen whenever he wanted.

“I’m sorry I haven’t gone out of my way,” Kurt said, when they finally separated.

Sebastian screwed up his face in confusion for a second and then he seemed to remember. “I didn’t … shit.” Then he grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him into the living room. Once they were settled on the couch, facing each other with their legs crossed and knees touching, Sebastian said, “I didn’t say that very well last night, and I’m sorry. I’m not the world’s smartest person at 4am. But fuck, Kurt, you have to know how much you’ve done for me over the past two years. I do know the difference between love and grand gestures. And my not being sure how you felt is a lot more about my insecurities than it is about you.”

“I wasn’t actually sure how you felt, either,” Kurt replied with a laugh. When Sebastian raised his eyebrows, Kurt said, “I thought you’d be better off if you didn’t love me.”

“Definitely not. I can promise you that,” Sebastian said, taking Kurt’s hand. “So what are we going to do?”

Kurt looked down at their intertwined fingers and then back up at Sebastian. He figured that he might as well put it all on the table at this point. Not talking had never helped either of them. “I’m really afraid that if you move for me, you’ll end up regretting it.” Sebastian started to speak but Kurt held up a hand to stop him. “The logical part of me knows that you need to leave Boston and that you have a lot of reasons to go to New York, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying that you’ll end up trapped somewhere again.”

“I understand,” Sebastian said, keeping his eyes locked on Kurt’s. “I don’t know if there’s anything else I can say to make you stop worrying, but I can say that I’m _not_ afraid. New York feels right to me, and not just because of you.”

“I’ve spent so much time convinced that there was no way we’d ever have a shot,” Kurt said, biting his lip.

“And now?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt took a deep breath and squeezed Sebastian’s hand. “Now I think I’m more afraid to lose you than I am to take the risk.”

Sebastian broke into a grin. “Really? You want to do this for real?”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, smiling back at him. “If you do.”

In lieu of an answer, Sebastian just leaned in and kissed him.

They were curled up on the couch with Kurt’s head resting on Sebastian’s chest, basking in the afterglow while Kurt reminded himself over and over again that this was real, when Sebastian’s stomach growled loudly. Kurt sat up and looked at him. “Oh shit, we forgot the Chinese.”

Sebastian just shrugged and said, “I own a microwave. I think we made the better choice.”

Kurt sat on the counter to eat while Sebastian stood next to him since they were too hungry to make it to the table. He was busy trying to pick up lo mein with chopsticks when Sebastian looked up at him and said, “Hey, Kurt?”

“Yes?” Kurt said, giving up and reaching for a fork.

“Want to be my boyfriend?”

“Don’t you think that’s moving awfully fast?” Kurt asked with a laugh. “It’s only been two years!”

“Yeah, well, when you’re sure, you’re sure,” Sebastian said, reaching over to expertly steal a piece of chicken off of Kurt’s plate with his chopsticks.

Kurt retaliated by stabbing his fork into one of Sebastian’s dumplings. “Okay, I guess I’ll be your boyfriend.”

The two of them finished their dinners quietly, but every few minutes, they’d meet each other's eyes and smile. Kurt knew that they were being ridiculous, but he had a feeling that his _boyfriend_ didn’t mind any more than he did.

Later that night, Kurt was lying awake in bed thinking. He could tell from the way that Sebastian was breathing that he wasn’t asleep either, so he sat half way up, leaning on one elbow, and looked down at Sebastian. “Can I ask you something?”

“No, I’m sleeping,” Sebastian said, squinting to look at Kurt in the darkness.

“You don’t answer questions in your sleep. I would have noticed by now,” Kurt replied. “Seriously though, Sebastian.”

Sebastian reached up to brush Kurt’s hair out of his eyes. “Go for it.”

“When did you know?” When Sebastian raised an eyebrow in confusion, Kurt elaborated. “That you were in love with me.”

“Ah,” Sebastian said. “Well that’s a question.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows at Sebastian. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s just that it’s been a while,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “Do you remember Kyle’s birthday? The night you sang in Times Square?”

Kurt did remember, although it really had been a while. He had to do some mental math to figure out exactly how long. “That was a year and a half ago!” Kurt was going to have to reevaluate a lot of things based on that information.

“Well, you asked,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “But I still wasn’t in a good place to be in a relationship back then. When did you know?”

“Not that long ago. After we had that fight in February,” Kurt replied, finally lying down on his back again.

“You really are a total cliché, you know,” Sebastian said as he rolled over to wrap an arm around Kurt’s waist and curl into his side.

Kurt ran his hand over Sebastian’s back. “I know, but you love me.”

“I suppose I can’t argue with that.”

* * *

 

**August 23 rd, 2020**

Sebastian abandoned Kurt bright and early on Sunday morning for some last minute rehearsals with the Boston alumni group before their show that afternoon. Kurt was meeting up with Trent and Alex to watch the performance, but he had until noon, so he let himself sleep in a bit before getting ready.

Kurt was oddly nervous about seeing their friends. He knew that Sebastian had talked to the two of them since Thursday, but Kurt wasn’t really looking forward to yet another round of “I told you so.” He’d called Rachel again during lunch on Friday, and it had turned out that Andrew, Adam, Kyle, and Lexie were all at the apartment with her. Andrew had insisted that Kurt Facetime them, and then the five of them had done what amounted to an interpretive “I told you so” dance. It would have been a lot more annoying if Kurt hadn’t been so unreasonably happy.

Luckily, Trent and Alex cut Kurt a break and just said “congratulations.” They found seats on the grass, and Alex spread out a blanket for them, then they settled in to watch the performances. Kurt had to admit that the Counterpoint alumni were good. It was fun seeing recent grads like Sebastian sing with guys old enough to be their fathers and even grandfathers.

The group from DC was up third, and Wes was singing lead on [_You Can’t Hurry Love_](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103516056746/you-cant-hurry-love-performed-a-cappella-by-the). Kurt had to laugh at the fact that he’d, of course, chosen a song written before 1970, even if he hadn’t gotten to sing it in a tux. When the song finished, Kurt leaned over and whispered to Trent, “I think the Warblers really should have branched out more in terms of soloists.”

Trent laughed at that. “Having a very narrow focus is kind of a Warbler tradition, I guess?”

The Boston club was the last to perform. As soon as they were all standing, Sebastian stepped out in front and nodded to the group that he was ready. An older guy behind him blew a pitch pipe and motioned everyone to start [singing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103516503576/gone-gone-gone-performed-a-cappella-by-reverb). Kurt recognized the melody as the one that Sebastian had been singing in the kitchen on Thursday.

As he sang, Sebastian cast occasional glances at Kurt, but it wasn’t until the second verse that Kurt really thought about the fact that Sebastian had chosen this song long before Thursday. “ _When enemies are at your door, I’ll carry you away from war if you need help, if you need help. Your hope dangling by a string, I’ll share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well. Give me reasons to believe that you would do the same for me, and I would do it for you, for you. Baby I’m not moving on. I’ll love you long after you’re gone._ ”

For all that he had a feeling that the song had been chosen specifically when Sebastian thought that they’d never really be together, Sebastian’s joy at singing the song now was obvious. Kurt couldn’t help but grin back at him as he step-touched back and forth and then danced around with the guys during the choruses.

Kurt leaned back on his elbows to watch as Sebastian stepped back into the group after the song and the next soloist stepped forward. Their second song was [_Carry On My Wayward Son_](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103516714666/carry-on-my-wayward-son-performed-a-cappella-by), which made everyone in the audience laugh.

In the middle of the song, Alex turned to Kurt and Trent and said, “I really don’t remember the last time I saw him this happy.”

Trent wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders and looked back at Kurt. “It’s been a really long time.”

“I think it might last, though,” Kurt said with a smile, and Trent and Alex both nodded.

When the Boston group finished, all of the alums got up to sing the Harvard fight song together, and then everyone started mingling. Sebastian found the three of them pretty quickly.

“These guys are decent,” Trent said with a smile. “I bet some of them almost got into Yale!” Sebastian pushed him lightly and Trent turned to Alex. “Did you see that? I’m being abused. _Your friend_ is abusing me.”

“I want no part of this,” Alex replied. “And I’m pretty sure you deserved it.”

Somehow, that led to Sebastian dragging Alex off to meet someone in the Boston group who was a psych PhD student. As soon as they were gone, Kurt turned to Trent to ask the question he’d been waiting to ask all day. “So you and Alex sure are spending a lot of time together these days! What happened to not letting yourselves get distracted by running off to see each other every weekend?”

“Yeah, that’s off,” Trent said, leaning down to pick up Alex’s blanket and fold it up. “I’ve been kind of over it for a while, but Alex just finally gave up and admitted it sucked.”

“How’d that happen?” Kurt asked.

“We went out to visit both of our parents for a couple weeks, and while we were in Ann Arbor at his parents’ house—” Kurt raised his eyebrows at Trent. “Don’t judge! His parents love me. Anyways, I guess his mother pointed out that our original plan only made sense if his career was the most important thing to him, but that, if I was the most important thing to him, he needed a new plan.”

Kurt nodded. He was starting to get the feeling that Alex’s mother would have gotten along well with Burt Hummel. “And he decided that you are?”

Trent smiled over at where Alex was engaged in intense conversation with a middle-aged man who was listening to him seriously. “Apparently I am. I don’t really know what’s going to happen if he can’t get a position close to the city, but we’re done being broken up for good, I think.”

“You guys will make it work,” Kurt said, pulling Trent into a tight hug.

“Yeah, I’m starting to think we all will,” Trent replied.

“Is this a private party or can anyone join?” Kurt heard a familiar voice ask over his shoulder.

When he stepped away from Trent, he found Wes standing beside them. “Very private,” Trent said. “Restricted to former Dalton students only.”

“Oh, good!” Wes replied with a grin and stepped in to hug Trent. Then he turned to Kurt and hugged him as well. “How are you? I can't believe it's been nearly ten years!”

“Neither can I. How did we get so old?” Kurt asked, laughing.

“Only you guys are getting old,” Trent added.

Wes gave Trent a pointed look. “Just because you still get carded at R-rated movies doesn't mean you aren't getting old!”

The three of them spent the next few minutes talking about what they were doing now—it turned out Wes had gone to medical school—and joking about the Warblers. Then Alex called Trent over to meet someone, leaving Wes and Kurt alone. “So is your wife here?” Kurt asked.

“Yep,” Wes replied looking around. “Actually she's over there with Sebastian.”

Sebastian was standing with a small brown haired woman and holding a toddler over his head, laughing.

“If you drop my child, I will kill you slowly, Smythe!” Wes shouted.

The woman—who was obviously Wes's wife—rolled her eyes at him and then laughed as Sebastian spoke loudly to the baby in his arms. “Daddy's awfully high strung, isn't he?”

“Ana doesn't get it,” Wes explained and then glanced at Kurt. “Although I guess maybe you don't either.”

It took Kurt a minute to figure out what Wes meant. “Why you don't trust him?”

Wes nodded. “It's weird how things work out. If you'd have told me eight years ago that Trent would be Sebastian's best friend and you would be dating him, I'd have laughed for days.”

Kurt looked at him for a minute and thought about how Sebastian must have seemed to Wes. He'd taken over the Warblers when Wes had graduated, and then everything had gone insane. And when Wes had been at Harvard with him, Kurt knew that Sebastian hadn't been the same as he was now. Kurt had a feeling that Wes had known a very different Sebastian. “He's a good man, you know,” Kurt said finally.

“That's what they tell me,” Wes said with a shrug. “Come over and meet Ana and Chloe.”

When they got over to Sebastian and Ana, Kurt shook Wes's wife's hand and then reached over to steal his daughter from Sebastian. He bounced Chloe a bit and made faces at her as Wes and Ana had a whispered conversation about diapers and feeding. “So you're sure you don't mind not having any?” Kurt asked Sebastian.

Sebastian reached over and rubbed the top of Chloe's head. “I don't mind. We'll have plenty of kids to babysit when we want to, and there's a lot to be said for being able to hand them back when they cry.”

On the train ride home, Kurt said, “You know we've only been dating since Thursday and now we're discussing kids.”

“I think we started discussing kids a few months ago,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “We were really dumb, huh?”

Kurt grinned and laced his fingers with Sebastian's. “Yeah, we really were.”

* * *

 

**September 8 th, 2020**

By the time the first weekend of September rolled around, Kurt was exhausted and stressed from tech week and the start of previews, so it was an unfortunate time for Sebastian to have to go back to New York. Kurt felt incredibly codependent when he realized how much he missed having Sebastian around to show up and make sure he ate between rehearsal and shows. He turned out to be really helpful at keeping Kurt grounded even when Kurt was exhausted and kept starting silly arguments.

When Kurt got home from his preview Tuesday night, he could barely wait to see Sebastian. As soon as he got in the door, he dropped his stuff and made a beeline for the bedroom. He was rewarded by the sight of Sebastian sitting up in bed reading, waiting for him to get home.

All of a sudden it struck Kurt that this was their future: Kurt coming home from a show and Sebastian waiting up for him. If everything went as planned, this would be their life. He had to pause in the doorway to regain his equilibrium.

“Hey, stranger,” Sebastian said when he caught sight of Kurt.

Giving in to his wave of fatigue, Kurt crossed the room quickly and crawled up onto the bed, resting his head in Sebastian's lap with a huff.

“I missed you, too,” Sebastian laughed as he started to stroke Kurt's hair.

“Whatever,” Kurt said, relaxing under Sebastian's touch. “You were pining and you know it.”

“Did I argue?” Sebastian asked, sounding affronted.

Kurt snorted. “You always get around to arguing eventually.”

“How'd your preview go?” Sebastian asked, and Kurt chose to assume that he was admitting Kurt was right.

Kurt flipped over onto his back so that he could look up at Sebastian. “You look weird from this angle.”

“I look hot from every angle. Sit up if you want to look at me.”

With a sigh, Kurt sat up and arranged himself next to Sebastian. “It went really well. Everything's running pretty smoothly after the balcony disaster on Saturday. It's just weird to be opening on Thursday after only a week of previews.”

“I can't wait to see it,” Sebastian replied, leaning in to kiss Kurt.

Kurt kissed Sebastian for a few minutes before he pulled away. “I really need a shower,” he said regretfully and started to climb off the bed.

Sebastian stopped him with a hand on his wrist. “Before you do, I have something to tell you.”

“Is everything okay?” Kurt said, worried about how serious Sebastian suddenly was.

“It's actually … yeah, I definitely think so,” Sebastian replied. “You remember Bill? The director of the department I liaise with in New York?”

“Liaise?” Kurt said with a snort. “You are such a corporate drone, but yes, I remember the existence of Bill.”

Sebastian took a deep breath. “Well, I told him that I was going to have to move to New York to be with my boyfriend and that I would really like to be able to stay with the company, and I said that if there was any chance he was going to have an opening soon, I'd really like to be considered.”

“Holy shit, Sebastian!” Kurt said, reach out and grabbing his hand tightly. They'd agreed that Sebastian would work on moving to New York, but this seemed surprisingly fast for such a serious move. If Bill did have a spot for him, it would be perfect. Sebastian would be able to maintain his relationship with his company while moving to New York and transferring to a department that did the kind of work he wanted to do. “What did he say?”

Sebastian grinned. “Something like, ‘I thought you'd never ask.’”

Kurt just blinked at Sebastian for a minute. “You're kidding me,” he said, squeezing Sebastian's hand so hard that he was probably cutting off circulation. “But doesn't that mean …”

“He and I have to work things out with my current department, and he has to check a few things in his budget, but I could be working in New York by November or December.”

Kurt gasped and threw his arms around Sebastian's neck. He could hardly believe what Sebastian was saying. Kurt had been expecting that it might take Sebastian six months or longer to get a new job. New York within a month or two of when Kurt went back was insane. He leaned back so that he could look at Sebastian. “Holy shit. We're really doing this.”

“We really are,” Sebastian replied. “You still in?”

“Of course I'm still in,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes, and then, more seriously. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Sebastian replied and kissed him again.

Sebastian managed to be fairly distracting until Kurt got in the shower, at which point his thoughts ran away from him. By the time he was done and was headed back to bed, he’d come up with a million things to worry about.

“Where are you going to live?” he asked, once he was settled under the covers. Sebastian just raised his eyebrows, so Kurt continued. “In New York. Housing is so difficult to find! We’re already living together, so you could move in with us, but five people in a three-bedroom is really crowded.”

“Kurt—” Sebastian said.

“And what about moving!” Kurt barreled on, ignoring Sebastian’s attempted interruption. “Who’s going to help you unpack? After November 2nd, Lexie, Kyle, Andrew, and I will all be working six days a week! You’ll have to have Rachel and Santana help you! Rachel will put all your stuff where you don’t want it and try to make it cute while you’re not looking. And Santana will touch _everything_ you own. You have no idea how literally I mean that. She has no sense of privacy whatsoever.”

Sebastian crossed his arms gave Kurt his most infuriatingly patient look, so Kurt continued. “And what about Dr. Remi? I mean, I know they have therapists in New York, but what if they’re all complete idiots?” Sebastian had left his first two therapists in Boston after deciding that they were both “complete idiots.” Luckily Dr. Remi had stuck. Kurt got the impression that she wasn’t putting up with any of Sebastian’s shit.

“Are you done?” Sebastian asked when Kurt finally stopped to breathe. Kurt nodded. That was all he had for now, at least. “Okay, first of all, most people just jerk off in the shower.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “My refractory period isn’t that short.”

“Noted,” Sebastian said with a grin. “Okay, let’s do this. So first of all, Dr. Remi agrees that I should move. She thinks that getting a fresh start would be good for me. And she’s happy to Skype with me until I find a non-idiot therapist in New York.”

“That sounds good,” Kurt said, glad to know that Sebastian had a backup plan already.

“Excellent. And as far as unpacking, I’m sure we’ll make it work. I have friends, too, after all. Or we’ll plant things for Santana to find. One of the two,” Sebastian said, moving closer to Kurt and wrapping an arm around his stomach. “And we’ll figure out where I’ll live. I have connections and money; I won’t have trouble finding a place. We don’t have to worry about living together yet if it isn’t the right time. I know we kind of skipped steps.”

“Connections and money sounds like a great idea,” Kurt replied with a yawn. “I should get some.”

“You’ve got me?”

Kurt hummed in agreement. “You do have your uses.”

“So can we agree to stop panicking about this until we know more?” Sebastian asked softly. “Maybe we could go to sleep?”

Stopping panicking about something just because he didn’t really have any information wasn’t exactly Kurt’s way of doing things. But sleep did sound like a great idea, so he could let it go for now.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To see how Alex and Trent got themselves figured out, I wrote you this [bonus ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3733480) about their week in Michigan with Alex's family.
> 
> You may have noticed that it took 26 chapters to get through the first two years and now we have just four left to get from September to August in Year 3. So you can probably guess that WE'RE GOING TO LUDICROUS SPEED. Buckle up. We're almost there.
> 
> If you've never heard Telly Leung (who plays Wes) sing, you are SERIOUSLY missing out. You can go watch him sing his song from Godspell [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_dfjovzvis). Or just youtube him and watch literally anything.


	29. Chapter 29

**October 3 rd, 2020**

“Why did you let me take Santana to look at apartments?” Sebastian asked wearily. “She keeps asking my realtor uncomfortable questions, and Trent and Jacques are being no help.”

Sebastian was in New York for his last official liaison meetings. By the first weekend in November, he’d be moving to the city to start his new job. That had put a bit of a rush on finding a place, so Sebastian had gone in for the weekend to look at apartments. “I specifically tried to stop you,” Kurt said, pulling his dinner out of his bag. He was between Saturday shows at Romeo and Juliet. “And you’ve been friends for two years. You should know better by now!”

“I’m a slow learner,” Sebastian replied. “What can I do?”

“Did you find anything decent?” Kurt asked.

“There are a couple of places a few stops out from you in Astoria that don’t suck. Would that be okay with you?” Sebastian sounded oddly hesitant.

Kurt couldn’t figure out what exactly he was being asked about. Was he okay with Sebastian being in Astoria? Or with him not being closer? Or was Sebastian asking if Kurt would be willing to go out that far himself? “I’ll be happy with whatever you like. I don’t exactly worry about your taste.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Sebastian replied with a laugh. “I took some pictures. Should I send them to you?”

“What are you really trying to ask me?” Kurt said, deciding to stop letting Sebastian skirt whatever the issue was.

Sebastian sighed. “I just thought you’d be more likely to spend time wherever I choose if you actually like it.”

Kurt couldn’t help but smile at Sebastian being his own particular combination of sweet and difficult. “Well, send me the pictures then. But you know it doesn’t really matter, right? If you’re there, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you,” Sebastian replied, and Kurt could hear the sincerity in his voice. Then Trent yelled something Kurt couldn’t hear, and Sebastian pulled the phone away from his face to yell back, “Fuck off! I’m talking to my boyfriend.” Then Santana said something, and Sebastian replied, “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Never going to work,” Kurt said with a laugh. “I don’t think her mind has anywhere else to go.”

“That seems likely. I should go. The troops are getting restless,” Sebastian said, sounding regretful. “I’ll talk to you tonight?”

“Sounds good. I should eat dinner anyways.”

When Kurt hung up with Sebastian, he saw that he had both a text and a twitter notification. He checked twitter first.

 

Kurt had to laugh. He should have known that Frankie would make it out to Boston at some point during the run. She was very dependable that way. Kurt shot her a quick message telling her to hang out in the lobby after, and then he checked his text.

From Lexie:  
Give me a call when you get a second. I just have questions.

Apparently Kurt was exceptionally popular today. “What’s up?” he said when Lexie answered the phone.

“Santana keeps asking me when you’re coming home as if I was more likely to know than she is. It’s easier to just find out than to convince her I don’t know.” Lexie replied with a sigh.

“You could have dated a normal person, you know.” Kurt said with a laugh. There was absolutely no explaining Santana.

Lexie paused and pondered that for a second. “I’ve dated several, and I still ended up here. I guess that says something, doesn’t it?”

Kurt had to concede her point. “I guess you must not be normal either. I’m coming back on the 22nd. I’m going to stay and help Sebastian pack for a while before I leave.” Sebastian’s last day at work in Boston was October 30th, and he was taking a week off before starting in New York.

Sebastian had to be out of the apartment in Boston on the 31st, so Kurt wanted to pitch in on packing before he left. Sebastian had told him that he didn’t have to so many times that Kurt had finally snapped and asked if Sebastian really didn’t want Kurt to pack for him or if he just thought he shouldn’t ask. Sebastian had said that he just didn’t want Kurt to think he had to, and that had settled it.

“You know, it’s really weird that you were single when you left New York and less than three months later, you’re helping your boyfriend pack up to move back here with you,” Lexie said.

Kurt laughed. “When you say it that way, it makes me feel insane.”

“But not because of Sebastian?” Lexie asked quietly.

“No,” Kurt replied, smiling unconsciously. “Somehow he’s become the thing that makes me feel sane. It’s just that everything’s changing so fast …”

Lexie snorted. “We may all feel that way by the time The Longest Distance closes.”

“Well at least we’re all losing our minds together?” Kurt said helpfully. “Anyways, I have to go, but you can tell your girlfriend that I’m back on the 22nd. Or I guess not tell her and drive her nuts.”

“I wonder which one of us would lose it first if I didn’t tell her,” Lexie said. “I’ll have to ponder that. Break a leg tonight, Kurt!”

Unsurprisingly, Kurt found Frankie waiting with her cousin in the lobby of the Loeb Drama Center when he came out after the evening performance. The two of them were grinning but also a bit puffy-eyed, which Kurt took as a compliment. “Thanks for coming all the way out to Boston!” Kurt said, hugging Frankie first and then Jack.

“Like I would miss you playing Romeo?” Frankie replied with a grin. “And Jack goes to Emerson, so it worked out pretty well.”

“I definitely planned it that way. What are you studying at Emerson?” Kurt asked Jack, wondering if he’d actually get to answer for himself.

“Costume design,” Jack replied with a grin. “I don’t need as much attention as Frankie.”

“Hey!” Frankie said, poking him.

“As long as they’re looking at the clothes?” Kurt asked. Just talking about costume design made him itch to bring out his sewing machine. He hadn’t brought it with him to Boston, which had been logical, but he still missed it.

“Exactly!” Jack agreed.

Kurt looked back at Frankie. “I don’t know. He might be my new favorite.”

Frankie gave a long-suffering sigh. “I can hardly be surprised. Everyone loves Jack.”

“So how’s NYADA?” Kurt asked her. It was sort of weird for him to think of her at his old school. He hadn’t been back there in a few years, although he tried to see their shows if there was time.

“Amazing!” Frankie said. “Also terrifying. Did you have Cassandra July?”

Kurt couldn’t hear Cassandra’s name without remembering Rachel’s complaints about her. “I missed out, but I know a lot of people who did.”

“Oh my god, I thought she was going to eat someone yesterday. It was horrible. She only directs the occasional nasty comment towards me, and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing,” Frankie said. “But we have to talk about The Longest Distance!”

The first casting press release for the show had gone up two days before with Kurt included, which made the whole thing seem alarmingly real. “It’s an amazing show: Kyle and Lexie’s best so far. I can’t wait for everyone to see it. You should probably plan on seeing it about twelve times.”

“I’d probably have to do that just because of the two of them, never mind the fact that you’re in it! I’m preparing myself to tell people that I was your fan _before you were popular_.” Frankie said, dramatically.

“I promise to vouch for you,” Kurt replied solemnly.

* * *

 

**October 21 st, 2020**

“We really should have timed our weeks off better,” Sebastian said as Kurt walked into the bedroom.

He patted his hair with his towel and said, “You mean to say that having no days off in common wasn’t the best outcome?”

“At least we have the weekend,” Sebastian replied, falling backwards onto his pillows.

“Yes, it’s going to be very exciting,” Kurt deadpanned. “All of that sexy, sexy unpacking.”

“We can make it sexy if you want!” Sebastian offered optimistically.

Kurt crawled onto the bed and settled in on his side next to Sebastian. “You have unpacked before, right? It’s inherently unsexy.”

“Don’t you know I can make anything hot?” Sebastian asked, rolling onto his side so that he could slip a hand under Kurt’s t-shirt. When Kurt glared at him, Sebastian said, “I mean, don’t you know that you make everything hot, baby?”

Kurt snorted. “I wish you all the luck with that.” Then he ran his hand over Sebastian’s arm. “It’s weird that I’m leaving tomorrow. I feel like I’ve forgotten that I even have a real life.”

“This is your real life,” Sebastian reminded him, giving his waist a squeeze. “But I know what you mean. It’s quite the transitory period you’re having.”

“Even more than I planned!” Now that it was over, Kurt was nothing but happy that he’d decided to spend a few months in Boston. Beyond the fact that it had allowed the two of them to finally figure themselves out, Kurt had been really happy doing Romeo and Juliet. Working with Hadley again had been amazing, he’d loved the cast, and he really felt proud of his performance. The great reviews had bolstered his confidence, so he felt like he was going back to New York much more prepared to face the pressure of carrying a show like The Longest Distance.

“You still with me?” Sebastian asked, shaking Kurt lightly.

Kurt realized that he’d been zoning out, staring at the pillow above Sebastian’s head. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking that I’m going to miss being Romeo.”

Sebastian leaned in and kissed him softly. “I’m going to miss seeing you be Romeo. Although the dying thing is kind of a downer.”

Kurt laughed and leaned in to kiss him again. Sebastian ran his hands up Kurt’s back, pulling his t-shirt up in the process. Kurt was just reaching for the drawstring of Sebastian’s pajamas when Sebastian pulled back and looked at him. “I’m going to miss _you_.”

Kurt smiled softly. He still hadn’t gotten over the fact that Sebastian could say things like that easily now. Just a few months ago it would have been layered in confusion and repressed emotion. “It’s only a week,” Kurt replied, cupping Sebastian’s cheek in his hand. It didn’t really feel like it would be only a week, though. It felt like the world was tilting beneath him again and he wasn’t sure when it would stop.

“I’d say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I think we’ve used up our share of that cliché for a while,” Sebastian replied wryly.

“Possibly forever,” Kurt agreed, and then he kissed Sebastian again.

* * *

 

**October 22 nd, 2020**

Kurt waited until after rush hour to leave the next morning. He drove the three and a half hours back to New York and tried to use the time to get his head back in the right space for both The Longest Distance and for New York itself.

He managed to find a parking space right in front of his building and then he grabbed his phone to call Rachel. “Are you going to come out here and help or what?”

Rachel hung up on him without answering, and a few seconds later his friends were walking out the door. Kurt only had a few second to brace himself before Andrew practically jumped on him. “You’re home,” Andrew exclaimed as he hugged Kurt far too tightly.

A second later, Kurt felt Rachel’s arms wrap around his waist from the side. “You can never leave again.” Lexie, Kyle, and Adam joined right after that, sticking Kurt in the middle of a very enthusiastic group hug.

“Too much love, guys!” he said, laughing.

“We went through withdrawal! You need to be sensitive!” Andrew replied, loosening his arms around Kurt’s neck a bit so that Kurt could breathe.

Kurt rolled his eyes at all of them. “Well, I had the calmest three months of my life.”

“Didn’t we come out here to do something?” Adam asked. “Something about being pack animals?”

The first thing Kurt did when he got into his room was throw open his closet. Kyle caught him a few minutes later looking through everything he hadn’t seen in a few months. “I think I’m offended that you missed a closet more than you missed us.”

“I didn’t miss _a_ closet more than I missed you,” Kurt said, looking up at Kyle and rolling his eyes. “I missed _my_ closet more than I missed you. If I just wanted a closet, Sebastian has one.”

“Oh, well then, that’s different,” Kyle replied, laughing and patting him on the shoulder. “Let us know if you need any help.”

Kurt spent the next few hours in the living room with his friends, figuring that he could wait to unpack until they’d gone to their shows.

He was still unpacking around eight o’clock when Blaine called him. “I don’t think your boyfriend is handling the separation very well, just so you’re aware,” Blaine said when Kurt answered.

“Oh, really? How would you know?” Kurt asked with a laugh. He’d talked to Sebastian earlier and Sebastian had seemed fine.

“Yeah, I just caught him skyping with Zeke.”

Well, that was a new one. “Skyping Zeke? Really? What do you even do when you Skype Zeke?” Blaine was quiet for a minute on the other end of the line. “Too much information, Blaine.”

“But I didn’t say anything!”

“You blush very loudly,” Kurt replied. “Not what do _you_ do on Skype with Zeke. What would Sebastian do?”

Blaine laughed. “It involves a lot of communicating with your eyebrows. Although in this case Sebastian was playing the guitar and Zeke was sketching.”

Kurt had known that Sebastian and Zeke were getting along at the wedding, but he was more than a little surprised to find out they were that close. It was sort of hard to imagine what they’d have in common, but Kurt was kind of glad that they had bonded.

“Speaking of rekindled relationships,” Blaine said, which confused Kurt, because they hadn’t been. “I have your monthly New Directions gossip report.”

“Oh, really?” Kurt said with a laugh. “I hope you filed it with all the appropriate parties.”

“Yes, all the paperwork is in order,” Blaine replied seriously. “And the summary is that Mercedes and Sam are _finally_ back on.”

“Are you kidding me? Finally? Oh my god, I thought they were going to get back together right after Tina and Mike’s wedding!” Kurt said, and then thought about it for a minute more. “Hey, wait. Why hasn’t Mercedes called me about this?”

“I have no idea,” Blaine said with a laugh. “She probably forgot how fast news spreads.”

“You know you’re the reason why the news is spreading this fast, right?” Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

“This is preemptive! Sam already told Tina, so I’m sure you’d have known in the next few hours,” Blaine replied.

Kurt didn’t really think this absolved Blaine of being gossipy, but he was also probably right. “And she was mad that I didn’t tell her when Sebastian and I started sleeping together. How the tables have turned.”

Blaine laughed. “You remember that the point of this is Mercedes and Sam, right?”

“Yes, and I’m very happy for them. Even if they were the last people to know that this was going to happen,” Kurt replied, starting to unpack his accessories.

For a few seconds, Blaine was quiet. Then he said, “Wow, Kurt. I feel like I’ve never really understood the meaning of the word irony before. And now I do.”

“I’m sure Sebastian and I weren’t the _last_ people to know that this was going to happen,” Kurt said, affronted. He knew they’d taken a long time to figure themselves out, but it was hardly as long as Mercedes and Sam.

“No, but you were. Your dad has known since Thanksgiving two years ago. At the wedding, _Finn_ asked me what you two thought you were doing. Everyone knew,” Blaine said, and Kurt was pretty sure Blaine was laughing at him.

“You do remember this conversation is about Mercedes and Sam, right?” Kurt pointed out, deciding to bail out since he was obviously losing the argument.

“I’m going to take that as you admitting that I’m right, just so you know.”

* * *

 

**October 31 st–November 1st, 2020**

The morning of Sebastian’s moving day found Kurt sitting alone on the floor of Sebastian’s new apartment, sipping a cup of hot coffee. Sebastian had been able to arrange it so that Kurt could pick up his keys, so all Kurt had to do was wait for him and the movers to show up.

It was a weird feeling, sitting by himself in an empty apartment. It made Kurt think of the couple of nights that he and Rachel had spent sleeping in the loft before they owned anything. He supposed that empty apartments always meant that your life was changing, sometimes even if they weren’t yours.

The doorbell disturbed his thoughts a few minutes later and Kurt ran down stairs to let Trent and Alex in. They were both carrying bags, so Kurt followed them into the kitchen to see what they had. It turned out that their opinion of essential unpacking supplies consisted of a pair of scissors, a Phillips head screwdriver, half a dozen bagels, and several six packs of beer and hard cider.

“Don’t you think that drunk unpacking might be dangerous?” Kurt asked dubiously.

Alex snorted. “I’m not unpacking with completely sober Sebastian. Especially not with movers around to do things wrong.”

As soon as Alex wandered out of the kitchen—presumably to see the rest of the apartment—Trent leaned over to Kurt and said, “I’m not unpacking with completely sober Alex,” which made Kurt laugh.

The next person to arrive was Jacques. Once he’d come into the apartment and taken a bagel from Trent, he looked Kurt up and down and said, “This is the right choice for him, just so you know. Whatever happens between the two of you, it’ll be the right choice for him.”

“I know it is,” Kurt replied, and Jacques gave him a look that clearly said he knew that Kurt was lying. He always seemed to forget that Sebastian hadn’t been kidding when he said Jacques could see through people.

Sebastian’s truck got caught in traffic, which wasn’t much of a surprise, so the four of them hung out on the living room floor for another hour. Jacques had wandered to a corner when he found out that Sebastian was going to be late and promptly took a nap. Trent and Alex lay perpendicular to each other with Trent’s head resting on Alex’s stomach as they chatted with Kurt. Watching the two of them together made Kurt miss Sebastian even more strongly than usual. Logically he knew that he’d see Sebastian in just a few minutes, but it didn’t seem to matter.

“Do you remember when Sebastian moved into the apartment in Brighton?” Alex asked Trent with a smile.

“Oh god, Kurt, you have no idea. He’d been living in Harvard housing for four years, so all he owned was all this typical college guy crap,” Trent explained.

“But it was very clean crap!” Alex added, grinning. “I think we only managed to fill one of his cupboards with his actual dishes.”

Trent laughed and looked up at Alex. “Wait, do you remember the futon?” Alex nodded so Trent continued. “He had this ridiculous broken futon that he kept insisting wasn’t _that_ broken. Except it was totally broken. You could tell the movers thought he was nuts when he told them to put it in the truck, but he was paying them, so …”

“Didn’t he fall through it a week later?” Alex asked.

“Tad fell through the futon,” Jacques said from his side of the room. Kurt jumped a little bit when he spoke, surprised to realize that he was awake.

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh at the stories about Sebastian, even if it was odd to hear someone talk about Tad so casually. It didn’t bother him; he knew that Tad had been an important part of Sebastian’s life. It was just that Sebastian so seldom mentioned him unless they were talking about something serious.

“Right! That’s how Tad won the argument about letting Sebastian’s parents help them buy furniture,” Alex replied.

Jacques nodded. “As much as anything with Tad is ever an argument, anyways.”

“So he mentioned it once and then, when Sebastian disagreed, he acted like it was fine?” Alex said, rolling his eyes, and then started and sat up as the doorbell rang.

“Excuse me. That was uncomfortable,” Trent said accusingly, unhappy to have his pillow make such sudden movements.

Alex shrugged and smiled. “Sorry, darling, but the guest of honor is here.”

Kurt decided to let them figure it out for themselves, so he left them in the living room and ran down to let Sebastian in. When he opened the front door, instead of finding his boyfriend, he found a large man holding an end table. Kurt stepped back to let the mover by, and the one who followed holding two chairs piled on top of each other, before looking outside and seeing Sebastian walking across the street from where he’d parked his rental car.

Sebastian met Kurt in the middle of the walkway and pulled him into a tight hug. Kurt hugged him back and whispered, “Welcome home.”

“Finally,” Sebastian replied with a soft smile, and then he leaned in for a kiss.

A few minutes later, Kurt heard Trent shout from the doorway. “Stop making out! You’re in the way of the movers!”

Sebastian pulled away from Kurt so that he could flip Trent off, then he hugged Trent and the three of them headed upstairs.

In lieu of greeting Alex when they got into the apartment, Sebastian just looked him up and down and said, “Nice outfit,” gesturing at Alex’s oversized NYU hoodie and striped pajama pants.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Next time I come all the way out from _New Haven_ to help you move, I’ll remember to dress up.”

“Let’s not pretend that you came from New Haven for anything of mine,” Sebastian replied, crossing his arms.

“I’m glad you’ve finally come to terms with that fact,” Alex said, grinning, and then he finally pulled Sebastian into a hug. “Besides, you’d be totally disappointed if you slept with me; I’m incredibly lazy in bed.”

Trent snorted. “Don’t lie to the poor boy, darling.”

“I’m just trying to ease the blow,” Alex replied, wandering back over to Trent.

Kurt just shook his head at all three of them.

Kurt, Trent, Alex, and Jacques mostly stayed out of the way while Sebastian directed the movers as to where to put the boxes and furniture. “How the hell do I own so much shit?” Sebastian asked as the boxes continued to pile in.

“You’re a spoiled rich kid?” Trent suggested from where he sat on Sebastian’s counter drinking hard cider out of a solo cup.

“That theory has a lot of merit,” Alex added, taking a sip of his beer. “Although personally I think it’s because he was a very isolated child. He had very few people to form attachments to, so he formed attachments to possessions instead.”

Kurt nodded sagely. “I think what Alex is saying is that no one wanted to be friends with you when you were a kid, which also explains your questionable social skills as a teenager.”

“And his questionable social skills now,” Jacques finished with a snort.

“Somebody get me a beer. No one should have to put up with the four of you at once,” Sebastian said, sighing and leaning against the living room wall.

Kurt obliged, handing Sebastian a bottle from the fridge and kissing him on the cheek.

A few minutes later, the movers carried the last of the boxes into the bedroom and Sebastian went over to pay them while Kurt and Jacques started pulling open boxes in the kitchen. Trent wandered over to the bookshelf in the living room and opened a box of books.

Once Sebastian was finished paying, he handed Alex a large Ikea box and said, “Would you mind putting this together for me?” Then he headed back into his room to start unpacking.

Trent looked up from the shelf he was filling at the sound of Alex tearing the tape off of the box. He took stock of the situation for a second and then shouted, “Sebastian Smythe, I’m going to kill you!” Before storming into Sebastian’s room.

What followed was about an hour of very vigorous swearing from the living room about the stupidity of the instructions and about how they didn’t make any fucking sense, which explained exactly what Trent had been upset about. However, when it was over, the shelf was completely assembled and standing.

By late that evening, the three of them had made a decent dent in the unpacking so Sebastian ordered them some pizza and they sat around eating and drinking for a while before Jacques, Trent, and Alex went home.

When they were gone, Sebastian flopped over on the couch, letting his head rest in Kurt’s lap. “Jesus fuck, I’m tired. What time is it?”

“Nine thirty,” Kurt answered.

“I’m exhausted at nine thirty? How did I get so _old_?” Sebastian asked, covering his eyes with his hands.

Kurt pried one of Sebastian’s hands away from his face and pressed a kiss to his palm. “You did just leave your job yesterday and get up at 7am today to move all the way to New York. It’s a little much.”

“Are you staying tonight?” Sebastian asked, dropping his other hand from his face.

“Of course,” Kurt replied, surprised that Sebastian even had to ask.

Sebastian winked at him. “In that case, would you care to join me for a shower?”

“I’d love to,” Kurt said with a laugh.

They were able to finish quite a bit of the unpacking the next morning before they headed to midtown for Andrew’s last performance as Patrick. Kurt might have thought that Andrew was crazy for not taking a break between shows, but that didn’t mean that he was going to miss his best friend’s final show.

Somehow Andrew’s last performance was even more emotional than usual, and he received a standing ovation when he stepped out to take his last bow. He was crying when he received his flowers and said a few words to the cast.

Afterwards, they went out for a quick drink, but they all knew better than to stay out late. The next day was going to be a huge one for Kyle, Lexie, Kurt, and Andrew.

* * *

 

**November 2 nd, 2020**

“How are you doing?” Andrew asked Kurt as they walked into Fourth Wall on Monday night.

“It’s weird,” Kurt replied, looking up at the familiar light fixtures and across the room. “It’s like the last three months could have never happened.”

Sebastian grinned and draped an arm across Kurt’s shoulders. “Don’t go forgetting all of that on me now!”

They settled into their usual table, giving Kurt an even stronger sense of déjà vu, and started giving drink orders to Adam. Once everyone had a drink in front of them, Trent turned to Kurt and said, “So how was your first day of rehearsal?”

“Amazing!” Kurt replied. “A little terrifying.”

“Kurt’s kicking ass,” Andrew added.

“Everyone’s kicking ass,” Lexie added, smiling at Andrew. “Kyle’s music sounds fantastic with everyone there.”

Kyle wrapped an arm around her for a quick sideways hug. “Kurt’s right, though: it’s a little terrifying. It didn’t really hit home that this is it until we got them all in there and showed them what we were planning to do. But the cast is brilliant. You can already tell.”

“I can’t wait to see it!” Trent said, smiling at everyone.

Kurt let his mind drift as his friends kept talking. It was true; the first day of rehearsal had gone really well. He still felt like he was up to the task of playing Jeremy. Of course he’d done the role two times before, but that didn’t stop him from having those sudden moments of panic that everyone had made a huge mistake by casting him. But every once in a while, Kurt would look over at Kyle and see the unmistakable excitement in his eyes as he listened to the music come together and be reassured that Kyle wouldn’t look that happy unless he was completely confident in how Kurt was doing.

Alex was the first of them to go up and sing. Before he left the table, he dropped a quick kiss to Trent’s cheek and Sebastian groaned. “What is he doing now?”

“I don’t know what he’s doing, Sebastian. But if you’re quiet, you might very well find out,” Trent said, glaring pointedly at Sebastian, which made Kurt laugh.

“What exactly are you afraid of?” Kurt whispered to Sebastian.

“It’s sort of a non-specific fear of the things those two are capable of,” Sebastian replied and then sat up as Alex’s music began [to play](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103679100361/im-gonna-be-500-miles-by-sleeping-at-last). The music was soft and slow, and Kurt didn’t recognize it until he heard the lyrics.

“ _When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. And when I go out, yeah, I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you,”_ Alex sang softly over the quiet accompaniment and glanced up at Trent every few seconds.

Sebastian reached over to rub Trent’s back softly as Alex sang. Trent looked back at Sebastian and Kurt could see that he was starting to tear up.

When Alex finished singing, they were all a bit quiet as he made his way back to the table. Kurt had a feeling that they’d all made the same guess as he had about what Alex’s point was.

It was clear as soon as Alex reached the table that Trent hadn’t been the only one getting misty over the song. Once Alex sat back down, Trent reached over to brush the tears out of his eyes and then kissed him. “So that’s how it is, huh?” Trent asked when he pulled back.

“Yeah, it really is,” Alex replied.

“So was that what you were afraid of?” Kurt said to Sebastian, startling everyone.

Alex glared at Sebastian, which made both of them laugh. “Not exactly, no. Although I didn’t know you were expressing your feelings through song now, Alex.”

“Well, all the cool kids are doing it?” Alex said.

“And on that note, it’s my turn,” Lexie said, and then slid out of the table without any further explanation.

Adam watched her as she walked up and then said, “She doesn’t mean she’s going to sing a love song to Santana, does she?”

“Lexie’s very smart,” Kyle replied. “She would never do something that silly!”

Santana gave Kyle her dirtiest look. “Fuck you, Rosen. I’m very loveable.”

“I’m sure she loves you,” Kyle said, neatly skirting the issue of whether Santana was loveable. “And as such, I’m sure she knows that you wouldn’t really appreciate being sung a serious romantic song in front of the whole bar.”

It looked like Santana was going to keep arguing, but Lexie’s [music](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103679244296/barrett-wilbert-weed-performs-chris-miller) cut her off. “ _I don’t remember much, never had a family. I grew up living on the poor side. Orphan girl, someone set her free. A rough and tumble life I lived up in the hills. A place called black mountain, orphan girl works the paper mills._ ”

It wasn’t a love song, but it certainly did suit Lexie’s voice very well. When she got back to the table, Santana turned to her and said, “You’d sing me a love song, wouldn’t you?”

“If I were drunk enough, sure,” Lexie replied with a grin. When Santana pouted obviously, Lexie leaned in and kissed her. “I’ll sing you whatever you want,” she said when she broke the kiss.

“Did I tell you guys that Mercedes’s new album is dropping in February?” Kurt asked excitedly. They’d just gotten the official word on it, and, after scolding Mercedes for keeping him in the dark about Sam, Kurt had been very excited for her.

“Like once an hour,” Santana replied. “And she texted me herself.”

“Even I know, and I didn’t realize you guys were friends with Mercedes Jones until you mentioned it,” Alex added.

“Fine, ruin my fun,” Kurt said dramatically. “Let’s go sing.”

Because it was the first time that Kurt was at Fourth Wall since he’d gotten back to the city, Rachel and Andrew had conspired together and were making him sing a group number. Kurt started them off, taking the center mic as Andrew and Kyle flanked him. Rachel and Santana stood off stage waiting to join in.

The music was fast and difficult, but Kurt had known [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103679602586/jay-armstrong-johnson-alex-brightman-ben) for years so it wasn’t too hard to keep up. “ _Why must we tell them why? Some require an explanation for why we make the things we make. Why rules must break and for whose sake. But why must we tell them why?_ ”

His friends joined him until they were all singing together and bouncing around to the music. They were still grinning when they got back to the table, and Santana went to order another round.

About half an hour later, Sebastian headed up to take his turn, stealing a guitar from a member of the band on his way. Kurt recognized [the song](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/103679697606/counting-stars-by-augustana) as one from an album Sebastian played often, and he smiled when he realized that the song was probably about him. “ _Suddenly I’m caught in your light, opened the door, and you stepped inside. And I’m watching the hours, looking for reasons, find that I’m missing every beat of your heart. ‘Til you’re back in my arms, I’ll be waiting up counting the stars_.”

“Interesting choice of song now that you don’t have to miss me anymore,” Kurt said when Sebastian got back to the table.

“I know,” Sebastian replied. “But that song’s been reminding me of you for years, and I couldn’t sing it. So I figured why not?”

“Thank you,” Kurt said and leaned in to kiss Sebastian before he could ask what Kurt was thanking him for.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a glimpse of Sebastian and Tad back when they were together, [here's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725684) a bonus ficlet.
> 
> I'm not sure I fussed as much about any song in all of the fic as I did about Alex's song in this chapter. I genuinely went through about five different options before I finally settled on I'm Gonna Be.


	30. Chapter 30

**November 7 th, 2020**

“You only get Thanksgiving Day off, right?” Sebastian asked when Kurt set a bowl of popcorn down in front of him.

The two of them were watching a movie at Kurt’s apartment and they’d paused it so that Kurt could get a snack. Kurt was surprised at the question until he realized that Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away. He settled down on the couch and rested his feet in Sebastian’s lap. “Yep. Back to rehearsals Friday morning.”

Sebastian played with the cuff of Kurt’s sweatpants for a minute before looking back up at him. “My family’s doing Thanksgiving in Philly this year, and it’s only an hour on a train, so I was thinking maybe we could go?” Sebastian asked, looking hopeful. “If you’re not too tired.”

Kurt had to think about it for a minute. Tech started that Friday, and they opened the following Thursday. He definitely would be tired, but he’d never met most of Sebastian’s family, so he really did want to go. “Okay,” he said. “Let’s go.”

“Really?” Sebastian said, grinning at him.

“You never believe me when I tell you things,” Kurt replied with a laugh. “But you have to protect me from all of your scary relatives.”

“I can try, but they’re pretty crafty,” Sebastian said, biting his lip. “I was also thinking I’d stay home for Christmas this year.”

Kurt sat up straight and pulled his feet out of Sebastian’s lap. “You can’t skip Paris!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I can skip Paris, Kurt. I’m over it.”

“Exactly how are you over spending the holidays with your grandmother?” Kurt hated the idea that Sebastian would miss spending time with his family for him. He didn’t need Sebastian to give up anything else.

“I’m not over my grandmother!” Sebastian said, looking frustrated. “I just want to be with you.”

“You’re with me all the time! Don’t stay here for me,” Kurt replied, wishing he knew how to make Sebastian understand.

“I’m sorry I assumed you might actually _want_ to spend Christmas with me for once,” Sebastian replied, standing up and crossing his arms.

Kurt just gaped up at Sebastian for a minute, trying to figure out how Sebastian had decided that was what he meant. “It has nothing to do with not wanting to spend Christmas with you!”

“Whatever,” Sebastian replied, and then he stalked down the hallway.

“Where is he even going?” Kurt asked the empty room.

Kurt spent the next few minutes staring morosely at the TV screen where their movie was still paused, trying to figure out if the argument had been his fault. Logically, he knew that he couldn’t go through life always keeping score and worrying that Sebastian was giving up too much, but Sebastian had only moved a week ago.

“Should I make you a drink?” Kyle asked, stepping into the living room and disrupting Kurt’s train of thought.

“So, I’m guessing you heard that?” Kurt asked with a sigh as Kyle sat down next to him and grabbed the bowl of popcorn.

“Well, not in detail,” Kyle replied with a shrug. “Enough to know you were fighting.”

Kurt reached over and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl in Kyle’s lap. “Do you ever worry that we all spend too much time together?”

“I’m sure we do, but I’m not really worried about it,” Kyle said with a laugh.

Kurt stayed in the living room and finished the movie with Kyle, hoping that Sebastian would eventually decide to come back out, but he never did. When the movie ended, it was too late for Kurt to stay up any longer even if he did want to give Sebastian space, so he headed back to his room and pushed the door open slowly.

He was surprised when he realized that Sebastian wasn’t in his room at all. He’d just assumed that when Sebastian had left, that was where he would have gone. If Kurt had been intent on finding his boyfriend, there were only a couple of places to check, but he decided that Sebastian would know where to find him when he wanted to.

Kurt had just finished getting ready and was sitting up in bed when Sebastian slipped into the room and shut the door behind him. “Hi,” Sebastian said quietly.

“Hi,” Kurt replied. Sebastian didn’t look upset, he just looked tired, so Kurt decided to gamble on what he had a feeling Sebastian wanted. He reached over and grabbed the blankets on Sebastian’s side of the bed, turning them down in invitation.

Sebastian relaxed visibly and crossed the room to climb into bed, draping his legs over Kurt’s and pressing his face into Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt slid an arm around Sebastian and ran his knuckles up and down Sebastian’s spine slowly as he waited for his boyfriend to be ready to talk. The two of them hadn’t done much fighting over the years, but it had been enough to confirm that whenever Sebastian was upset about anything, he wanted to cuddle before he wanted to talk, and that included when he was upset at Kurt.

“Sorry I was gone so long,” Sebastian said without lifting his head. “My father called while I was in Santana’s room, and I couldn’t get rid of him, otherwise I would have come back sooner.”

“Santana’s room, huh?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian pulled back a bit so that he could actually look at Kurt while he spoke. “I didn’t want to _leave_ , so I figured it was a good middle ground.”

Kurt nodded, and then he leaned in and kissed Sebastian. When they separated, Kurt figured he might as well be the one to start apologizing. “I really would love to spend Christmas with you,” he said. “I’m just terrified of everything you’re giving up for me.”

“This isn’t me giving something up,” Sebastian said, pulling his legs out of Kurt’s lap so that he could sit up fully and look Kurt in the eye. “This is the first Christmas we’ve been together, and I want to be with you. I want to be here for your opening without having to rush back from Europe. I have vacation time. I can ditch you and go to Paris whenever I want, but the only time I can spend Christmas with you is Christmas.”

“How is it that you always win these arguments?” Kurt asked with a sigh, knowing that he was going to give in.

Sebastian laughed and rolled his eyes. “Because I’m arguing for what we both actually want?”

“That would do it,” Kurt replied, and then yawned without any warning. “Apparently I’m tired.”

“Apparently!” Sebastian said, sliding down into bed and then tugging at Kurt’s hand to convince him to do the same.

Once Kurt had switched off the lamp, he lay down on his side facing Sebastian. “Okay, I’ll agree that you should stay here for Christmas if you agree to go to Paris in February or March.”

“I can make that bargain,” Sebastian replied, and then he rolled over onto his other side.

Kurt took his unspoken invitation and shifted over until he was curled around Sebastian. “Love you,” he whispered into the back of Sebastian’s neck.

Sebastian squeezed the hand that Kurt had rested on his stomach and replied, “Love you, too.”

* * *

 

**November 26 th, 2020**

“Did they manage to scare you off already?” Sebastian’s father asked when he found Kurt sitting in the empty den.

“I wouldn’t say I was scared off,” Kurt replied with a laugh. “There are just a lot of them.”

Kurt had been warned that there would be a big crowd at Sebastian’s uncle’s house for Thanksgiving dinner, but he hadn’t really believed it. He’d been expecting the two of Aimee Smythe’s siblings who still lived in the US, their spouses, and their kids. He hadn’t been expecting their in laws and a bunch of family friends on top of that, and he’d ended up needing to find somewhere a little less chaotic for a few minutes.

“There certainly are! Aimee’s family has always been the ‘invite anyone who doesn’t have somewhere to go’ type,” Bobby said, settling in next to Kurt on the old couch.

“My step mother, Carole, is the same,” Kurt said fondly, remembering the year that Sam had spent living at their house because he didn’t have anywhere else to go, the year that he’d brought Andrew home for Christmas break, and Finn’s many stray college friends who had spent holidays with them.

The two of them sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Bobby said, “My wife and I were thinking we’d come visit you and Sebastian after New Year’s. We haven’t been to the city in years, and it would be nice to see Sebastian’s place.”

Kurt squinted at Bobby, trying to figure out what his angle was. “Why are you asking me and not Sebastian?”

“We were thinking we might come in time to see your show, and I wanted to make sure that was okay with you before planning it with my son,” Bobby replied.

That surprised Kurt. He probably should have realized that Sebastian would have talked to his parents about The Longest Distance, but he certainly would never have expected them to come out and see it. “Of course it’s fine with me, but you really don’t have to.”

“I suppose we don’t have to,” Bobby said with a shrug. “But when your future son-in-law is starring Off Broadway, it seems like you should go see him.”

Kurt gaped at him for a minute. “What?” he asked. He was pretty sure that both he and Sebastian were thinking of their relationship as something permanent, but it had only been three months. They’d definitely never actually discussed marriage.

Bobby shot Kurt a grin that was so much like Sebastian’s it was uncanny. “Just calling it like I see it, Kurt.”

“Robert Smythe, what are you saying to that child?” Aimee asked from the door of the den.

“Kurt and I were just discussing the weather, dear,” Bobby answered with an innocent smile, and then he stood up. “Would either of you like a mimosa?”

“That whiplash feeling you get from talking to him sort of wears off after a couple of years,” Aimee said as Kurt dropped his head into his hands.

Kurt snorted. “Well, that’s comforting at least.”

Aimee seemed to be able to tell that Kurt needed a break, because she headed back into the kitchen after a few minutes. The next person to poke their head into the den was Sebastian himself. “Everything okay in here?  I just caught dad looking frighteningly pleased with himself and pouring three mimosas.”

“Have you ever considered that your father’s mimosa obsession is a bit unhealthy?”

“Most things about my father are unhealthy,” Sebastian replied, taking a seat on the couch next to Kurt and wrapping an arm around him. Kurt leaned in gratefully and rested his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Tired of my family or just tired?” Sebastian asked.

“Just tired, mostly,” Kurt answered. “But I’m still happy we came.”

Instead of responding, Sebastian pressed a kiss to Kurt’s forehead and held him tighter. As they sat quietly on the couch, Kurt couldn’t let go of what Bobby had said to him. For the first time he really thought about that fact that if everything went according to plan, Sebastian would be his husband, and this would be his family, too.

* * *

 

**December 3 rd, 2020**

“I think I might actually die of nerves,” Kurt said, pulling himself up onto Andrew’s dressing table.

Andrew tugged his t-shirt down over his head so that he could look at Kurt. “I really don’t think that’s very likely.”

Kurt leveled a glare at Andrew. Clearly he wasn’t taking Kurt’s distress seriously enough. “I could _definitely_ throw up on stage. And you’re not even worried!”

“Just don’t do it while you’re kissing me, and I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Andrew replied, hopping onto the table next to Kurt.

“You don’t even care about me,” Kurt replied, resting his head on Andrew’s shoulder. “How long do we have?”

“Another hour,” Andrew replied. “I really shouldn’t have let you get here so early.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Kurt said primly. “Just concerned about my imminent death.”

Andrew turned so that he could wrap his arms around Kurt’s shoulders. “You’re going to kick ass. I’m not worried.”

“Kyle and Lexie still don’t think the ending is right,” Kurt said with a sigh, bringing his hand up to hold on to Andrew’s arm.

“It’s not, but that’s the point of previews. They have time to figure everything out. All you have to do is your job.”

Kurt nodded and sighed. “I suppose I can do that.”

To Sebastian:  
Andrew seems to think I won’t actually die before the show starts.

From Sebastian:  
I have to side with Andrew on this one. I think you’re going to make it.

To Sebastian:  
You never support me.

From Sebastian:  
It’s true. I’m terrible. I’ll see you after the show?

To Sebastian:  
If I live that long.

From Sebastian:  
I’ll be holding my breath. Love you.

To Sebastian:  
Yeah, yeah. Love you, too.

* * *

 

It turned out that Andrew and Sebastian were both right. Kurt was still alive and well by the time the show started, and everything went fairly well. There was an incident with a fog machine that had Kurt and Andrew practically wading their way on stage at the top of the second act, but that was the only real problem. And the audience practically jumped to their feet at the end of the show, which was good for Kurt’s ego.

By the time Kurt got home, he was exhausted from tech week and from the nerves he’d been feeling all day. Of course, he was too wired to sleep, so he ended up in the kitchen pouring drinks instead. When he brought the glasses out into the living room, he saw that Kyle and Lexie were sitting next to each other on the floor already staring at their copy of the script.

“I just don’t know what the fuck it needs,” Kyle said with a sigh. “The ending is just so abrupt.”

“I know it’s abrupt,” Lexie replied, rolling her eyes and smiling at Kurt when he handed her a drink. “I just don’t know what to put in there that would help. There’s nothing wrong with the finale.”

“No, I know. It’s just … something,” Kyle said, taking a long sip of his drink.

Rachel shook her head at both of them and turned to Sebastian. “How was the show, really? This is all I’ve gotten from the two of them.”

“Fantastic. And I’m not just talking about Kurt,” Sebastian replied. “It’s a great show, even if they are right about the ending. You get Jeremy deciding that he wants to be with Ian, and then you get the finale, but there’s nothing from Ian.”

Kyle looked up sharply from where he and Lexie were arguing quietly. “What did you say?”

Sebastian squinted at Kyle. “I said the show was fantastic?”

“No, you said that there’s nothing from Ian,” Lexie said, looking at Sebastian with wide eyes. “ _Shit._ There’s nothing from Ian.”

Now Kurt was sitting up straight as well. He knew why Kyle and Lexie were excited. He hadn’t thought of that, either, but now that Sebastian had pointed it out, it really seemed like the problem.

“What if we reprised the duet?” Kyle asked, already flipping through the pages of the script. “In act one, Jeremy asks Ian to go with him, and Ian agrees. The ending should be a question and an answer, not a statement.”

“I’m going to bed. They’ll be here all night,” Rachel said with a fond smile. Kurt knew she was right. Once Lexie and Kyle got going, they kept working until they’d solved whatever the problem was. He had a feeling that rehearsal over the next few days was going to be exhausting.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Kurt replied. “And you have to work in the morning,” he said to Sebastian.

When Sebastian nodded and stood up to pull Kurt to his feet, Lexie looked up at him and said, “Thanks for that, Sebastian.” Then she went back to her work.

“So that was odd,” Sebastian said once he and Kurt walked into Kurt’s room.

“I think they just needed an outside perspective. I guess it’s a good thing you’ve never seen the show before,” Kurt said with a shrug as he pulled his pajamas out of his dresser. “But yeah, they’re pretty odd.”

“You really were amazing, you know,” Sebastian said, walking over and slipping his arms around Kurt’s waist from behind.

Kurt leaned back into him and rested his hands on Sebastian’s arms. “You always say that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m always right,” Sebastian replied with a laugh.

“I like to believe you wouldn’t have started dating me if you wanted to be right,” Kurt said, spinning around so that he could wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and kiss him.

When he pulled back a few minutes later, Sebastian grinned at him and said, “Well, I’m right this time.”

* * *

 

**December 24 th, 2020**

Christmas had always been the one holiday that most reminded Kurt of his mother. She had loved the holiday season more than anyone Kurt had ever known. He remembered one Christmas Eve when he was very small, he had snuck downstairs after his parents had put him to bed on the pretext of getting a glass of water and found her sitting alone in the living room with all of the lights off except the ones on the tree. She’d turned around when he came down the stairs and smiled at him, multicolored lights flickering across her face.

Kurt had crawled into her lap and asked her why she was waiting up, and she’d told him that she was waiting for Santa in case he needed any help finding the right presents. After a few minutes, she’d sent Kurt back to bed, reminding him that Santa wouldn’t come unless he was really asleep.

When Kurt had been a little older, probably around six years old and far too grown upto believe in Santa, he’d been surprised to find her still sitting in front of the tree. When he’d asked her what she was doing, she’d told him that she was just watching. At the time, he hadn’t been able to figure out what she’d thought the tree was going to do.

That final Christmas, she had been starting to fade away, and they had all only been pretending that they didn’t know it was the last one. She had sat in the living room with the same peaceful expression that she always had, this time sitting with Burt’s arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder. Kurt had sat in the middle of the stairs watching both of them as his father watched his mother and his mother watched the tree.

Kurt had picked up where she’d left off a year later. When his father had taken him out to buy a tree late on Christmas Eve and they’d finally put it up, Burt had told him that he was heading off to bed. Kurt had gone upstairs with him and changed into his pajamas, but then he’d snuck back downstairs and just sat for a while.

That was where Sebastian found him late on Christmas Eve, sitting in a living room six hundred miles away and nearly two decades later.

Kurt looked up when Sebastian walked into the room and smiled as his boyfriend pressed a cup of cocoa into his hands. “What are you doing?” Sebastian asked.

“Just watching the tree,” Kurt replied, taking a sip of his cocoa.

“Oh,” Sebastian replied shifting from foot to foot a bit nervously. “Mind if I watch it with you?”

“Of course I don’t mind,” Kurt said, moving over a bit so that Sebastian could settle in next to him.

They both sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts, as Kurt drank his hot chocolate. When he was finished, he set the mug down on the coffee table and reached his arm out so that Sebastian could snuggle in close to him, leaning his back against Kurt’s side. “Are we waiting for something to happen with the tree?” Sebastian asked.

“No, this is pretty much what it does,” Kurt answered. “It’s just my favorite part of Christmas, the tree and the decorations and the lights and the quiet. It feels the most _Christmas_ to me. It makes me think of my mom.”

Sebastian squeezed Kurt’s hand where it rested on his knee and said, “For my mom, it’s the music. She starts playing it at Thanksgiving and sometime around New Years, you start to think you’re actually going to lose your fucking mind if you have to hear ‘Silent Night’ again.”

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh. “My mother’s favorite was ‘O Holy Night.’ It was probably the first song I ever knew the all the words to.”

“You can tell me about her, you know?” Sebastian said quietly. “I mean … not that you have to or anything. Or that I understand. Just that if you ever want to, you can.”

Kurt cut off Sebastian’s rambling by pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “I know. But thanks for the reminder.” He knew that he’d tell Sebastian about her, really tell him, sometime soon. He was just sort of waiting to feel like it.

They sat quietly again for a few more minutes and then Sebastian started to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/104002585066/cantique-de-noel-o-holy-night) quietly beside him. “ _Minuit, Chrétiens, c’est l’heure solennelle où l’Homme Dieu descendit jusqu’à nous pour effacer la tache originelle et de Son Père arrêter le courroux._ ”

It took Kurt a second to recognize what song Sebastian was singing. He listened quietly as Sebastian sang in French, and then he took over, singing the first verse in English. “ _Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining. It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth. Long lay the world in sin and error pining till he appear’d and the soul felt its worth._ ”

When Kurt finished, Sebastian looked up at him with a grin. “Go team.”

Kurt laughed and then pulled his cell phone out of his pocket to check the time. When he realized that it was 12:07am, he waved the phone in front of his boyfriend’s face and said, “Merry Christmas, Sebastian.”

“Merry Christmas, Kurt,” Sebastian replied, and then sat up so that he could tilt Kurt’s chin up and brush a light kiss against his lips.

Once Sebastian pulled back, Kurt smiled at him and said, “Ready to go to bed?”

“I’m not the one who was staring at the tree,” Sebastian replied fondly, and then stood up to help Kurt to his feet.

* * *

 

**December 30 th, 2020**

“So we’re guessing this is just a ‘good job on the great reviews, congrats on opening night’ thing, right?” Kurt said as he and Andrew stepped on to the subway.

It was the morning after opening night of The Longest Distance, and they’d all been asked to show up a few minutes early for call so that the whole cast could talk together.

Kurt was still reeling from the night before. He’d always believed that the show would be well received if the critics weren’t complete idiots, but he had never imagined the raves they had gotten. _The Times_ had called the show “the best musical New York has seen in years.” It had praised Kyle and Lexie, Galina for her direction, and Kurt himself. He was still trying not to think about things like “a breakout performance” and “Hummel’s voice soars, making an incredibly difficult score seem easy.” He simply didn’t know how to process any of it.

“I would imagine,” Andrew said with a shrug. “That’s what it normally is. Did Kyle say anything?”

“No, but he’s been pretty twitchy lately. I guess we probably all have,” Kurt replied.

Andrew snorted. “That’s an understatement, but I guess it worked out in the end.”

They were silent for the rest of the ride, with Kurt resting his head on Andrew’s shoulder. Now that the adrenaline of opening night had worn off, Kurt couldn’t wait to get to Monday so that he could sleep.

A few minutes later, they were standing in a circle on the stage at Second Stage Theatre holding hands with the rest of the cast of The Longest Distance.

One of the producers of the show started off the talk. “Thanks for coming in early, everyone. We just wanted to congratulate you all on a fantastic opening night. We can’t tell you how grateful we are for all the work that you’ve done.”

Something in his tone made Kurt reach out and grab Andrew’s arm tightly as the producer continued speaking. “We also wanted to say that we hope that you can all clear your schedules for the spring, because we’re going to Broadway!”

After that, everything exploded. Kurt screamed and threw his arms around Andrew. As he did, he knew that most of the cast was doing the same thing with whoever was standing nearest to them. Then he and Andrew both made their way across the stage to find Kyle and Lexie, exchanging hugs with whoever caught them on the way.

Kurt pulled Kyle into a tight hug as soon as he could and whispered, “You did it” into Kyle’s ear.

Kyle pulled back and grinned at him. “Pretty sure we did it. Thank you so much.”

“How long have you guys known? I can’t believe you’ve just been sitting on this!” Andrew said.

“Hey, you know we couldn’t say anything,” Lexie replied, and then gave Kurt a hug of her own.

After a few minutes, the cast calmed down enough to be given the rest of the details and then Kurt slipped away to make his important phone calls.

“Is everything okay?” Sebastian asked when he picked up the phone. Kurt understood why he was concerned; it wasn’t exactly normal for Kurt to call him while getting ready for the show.

“Okay is one word for it,” Kurt replied with a smile. “It turns out we’re going to Broadway. Pretty much as soon as we close here.”

Sebastian was quiet for a second and then whispered, “Holy fuck, Kurt. Really?”

“Yes really,” Kurt said.

“Oh my god!”

Kurt laughed. “Is that all you’ve got?”

“Pretty much,” Sebastian replied. “I just can’t believe they made the move so fast.”

“Me either. I guess they took a look at the season and decided that they liked their chances at the Tony Awards against the shows that have opened so far. But we have to move fast to get there in time. The deadline to be considered for Tony nominations is April 29th and we open April 22nd,” Kurt said, explaining what he’d understood from the details the producers were giving them. Privately he thought that the producers were right. The shows that had opened or been announced for the current season had a couple of good options, but none of them had gotten the kind of reviews The Longest Distance had gotten before they transferred. It didn’t seem outrageous to gamble that there would still be room for someone to knock it out of the park in April.

“Good thing we didn’t have any big plans for spring,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “Looks like your dance card is full.”

“Right, nothing except … fuck,” Kurt said, doing the math in his head. “Blaine and Zeke’s wedding is the weekend before we open, isn’t it?”

Sebastian was quiet for a second and Kurt could hear him flipping through the calendar. “Shit. Yes, it is. You can’t go, can you?”

“No, the show will be locked by then, and press will be coming to see it. I’d have to be actually dying to miss shows then,” Kurt replied, plopping down into the chair at his makeup table. He knew that Blaine and Zeke were going to understand why he had to, but he couldn’t believe he was actually going to miss seeing them get married after all this time. “Apparently the universe thought I needed a reminder on the downsides of succeeding in this business. There’s always a trade off.”

“There certainly is,” Sebastian said. “And it fucking sucks that you can’t go to the wedding. But Kurt, seriously, you’re going to be starring on Broadway in a few months. This is it!”

Kurt took a deep breath. “I’m having some trouble processing that part.”

“I’m happy to remind you if you need me to,” Sebastian replied.

“I knew I kept you around for something. Can you come into town tonight to celebrate?” Kurt asked as he stood up to start getting ready. He really needed to get into show mode quickly. Normally he had more time.

“Do you even have to ask?” Sebastian said with a laugh.

Kurt rolled his eyes fondly. “It’s considered polite not to assume.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a Frankie (with Andrew, Kurt, Sebastian, tumblr friends, etc) snapshot from these months, see this [bonus ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725777).


	31. Chapter 31

**January 18 th, 2021**

“I still think you’ve lost your mind,” Kurt said when he met Sebastian outside of his office on Monday evening.

Sebastian laughed. “Are you worried about our friends scaring my parents or my parents scaring our friends?”

Kurt honestly wasn’t sure which was more likely. Sebastian’s parents were in town for a long weekend, and Sebastian had decided that their whole group of friends should go out to an early dinner with them. It was an unpredictable combination at best.

Kurt ended up sitting between Aimee and the open seat they were saving for Rachel, which had seemed like a good idea until he thought about exactly how much personality the two of them had between them. Alex was sitting on Aimee’s other side, and she started off the evening by interrogating him. Kurt had a feeling that her timing had to do with the fact that Trent was at the other end of the table so he couldn’t hear her.

“So, Alex, your mother told me you’d be graduating this year?” she asked. Alex responded by crossing his fingers and grinning. “So what will you be doing next?”

“I’ve put in a bunch of applications, and I have some interviews this month and next month. I should know in March or April,” Alex replied.

Aimee gave him a very serious look. “You’re applying around here, right? Because as sad as I am that none of you boys want to come back out to the Midwest, you know that your future is here.”

“For the next few years, at least,” Alex said with a sigh as he glanced over at Trent fondly. “I’m going where he goes, but it might not be easy.”

Kurt’s phone buzzed and he wondered for a moment who it might be before he pulled his phone out and laughed when he realized that Sebastian was texting him from the other end of the table.

From Sebastian:  
I get the feeling that Alex is seriously regretting the fact that we ever introduced our mothers. Am I right?

To Sebastian:  
I suspect he is. Your mother is reminding him that he needs to stay near Trent. If I were Trent, I’d be worried he’d run in the opposite direction because of all of the pressure.

From Sebastian:  
Luckily Alex doesn’t scare easily. At least not about this. Stop texting during dinner!

To Sebastian:  
You’re ridiculous.

When Kurt looked up from his phone, he realized that Alex and Aimee had both turned their attention to him. “What?” he asked.

“Just waiting for your honeymoon phase to be over,” Alex replied with a grin.

“I was saying that Bobby and I will have to come back now that the show is going to Broadway! I can’t believe how talented you all are,” Aimee said, ignoring Alex.

Kurt blushed. Despite getting rave reviews from the _New York Times_ , he was still unreasonably pleased that his boyfriend’s mother had liked his performance. He still wasn’t over trying to impress her. “I think Sebastian would like that,” Kurt said, looking over at where Sebastian was grinning and rolling his eyes at his father. “And so would I, obviously.”

Aimee smiled at him and rested a hand on his shoulder for a moment before they were interrupted by Rachel arriving in a flurry. “It’s official,” she said, plopping down into the empty seat next to Kurt. “Signed, dated, and stamped.”

“Well look at you, Miss Laurey Williams!” Kurt replied with a grin, and then turned to Aimee to explain. “Rachel was offered the role of Laurey in the Shakespeare in the Park production of Oklahoma this summer, and she just officially signed her contract.”

“Sounds like you guys need some champagne!” Bobby said from the other end of the table, and then he waved down their waiter.

Aimee shook her head and sighed. “Every time. But congratulations, honey!” she said, turning to Rachel.

As the waiter started to bring glasses of champagne around, Kurt turned to Rachel and said, “Remember what you told me your dream roles were in high school?”

“Evita, Fanny Brice, and Laurey,” she replied, and then she leaned over to give him a quick hug. Kurt knew that she was remembering the same thing he was. When she’d missed out on Funny Girl during their freshman year of college, Rachel had spent days in bed, sobbing her heart out. One of those nights, Kurt had curled up with her and told her that Rachel Berry was too special to have only one dream. He’d also reminded her that it was only the beginning for both of them.

“It’s still only the beginning,” Rachel said when she let him go. Kurt squeezed her hand as Kyle raised his glass to make a toast.

* * *

 

**March 6 th, 2021**

“I really don’t understand why you don’t see the appeal of lacrosse,” Sebastian said, looking over at Kurt, who was resolutely reading a book instead of watching the game that Sebastian had on.

Kurt gave him a judgmental look. “I don’t see the appeal of _any_ sport because I have no interest in watching a bunch of meatheads run around trying to prove who has the bigger penis using a set of arbitrary rules.”

Kurt’s response surprised Sebastian into laughing, and it took a minute before he could pull himself together to refute Kurt’s point. “Okay, but in this case it’s a bunch of _really hot guys_ running around and hitting each other with sticks.”

“There’s something deeply fucked up about you objectifying lacrosse players when you were one,” Kurt pointed out.

“Why do you think I was a lacrosse player?” Sebastian asked, giving Kurt a wink.

“There’s no way you started playing lacrosse at the age of six because of hot guys. Not even you, Sebastian,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

Before Sebastian could come up with a response, they were interrupted by his phone ringing. “Saved by the bell,” Sebastian said and then picked up the phone. “Hey, Trent! What are you doing calling me when you’re supposed to be spending the day with Alex?” Kurt shook his head at the obvious implication in Sebastian’s tone.

“Wait, are you crying?” Sebastian asked. Kurt couldn’t hear what Trent was saying, so he shamelessly scooted closer to Sebastian on the couch.

“Holy shit, are you serious?” Sebastian asked, his eyes going wide. “He’s taking the position, right?” Kurt broke out into a grin because that must have meant that Alex had gotten a job close to the city.

Sebastian laughed. “I take credit for one hundred percent of your sarcasm, you know. But that’s fantastic! I guess that means Alex won’t be getting any more lectures from people’s mothers about how important you are.”

“He _what_?” Sebastian shouted, jumping to his feet. “Are you fucking with me? Now? What did you say?”

Kurt was officially annoyed that he couldn’t hear. He reached over to poke Sebastian in the stomach, but Sebastian just waved him off. “Well, I would have assumed, but you guys are idiots. Who knows what you’ll come up with?”

“Shut up,” Sebastian said fondly. “I can’t believe you guys are getting married!”

“He’s _what_?” Kurt asked, shocked. Then he decided he was tired of being left out of the conversation, so he grabbed his phone and called Alex himself. When Alex answered, Kurt skipped the formalities and just said, “You did what?”

Alex laughed happily. “I proposed!”

“Already?” Kurt asked, but he knew he was grinning like an idiot.

Alex snorted. “It’s been five and a half years! Once I got the job at Fordham and I knew we’d both be in New York, I figured it was past time to stop making things complicated. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, so why would I wait to ask him to marry me?”

“Sebastian is going to be so pissed you didn’t tell him you were planning this,” Kurt said, looking over at his boyfriend, who was still talking animatedly with Trent.

When Sebastian heard his name, he looked up and said, “Tell him he’s totally in the dog house!”

“Seemed rude to tell anyone before I told Trent,” Alex said. “But Sebastian will feel better when Trent tells him we haven’t even called our parents yet.”

“You haven’t called your parents yet?” Kurt said. “I’m hanging up on you! Call them now!”

Sebastian had apparently heard what Kurt had said because he hung up on Trent just a minute later and turned to Kurt, looking floored. “I can’t decide if I’ve seen that coming for years or if I didn’t see it coming at all,” he said with a laugh.

Kurt walked over and pulled Sebastian into a hug. “Congratulations,” he said.

“For what?” Sebastian asked, pulling back a bit so that he could look at Kurt.

“For finally getting Trent married off!” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“He was more difficult than I expected,” Sebastian said seriously.

Once they were settled back on the couch, Sebastian turned to Kurt and said, “You know they’re going to be the worst wedding planners ever, right?”

Kurt groaned. “They’re going to need so much help.”

“It’s a good thing you love weddings, isn’t it?” Sebastian said, winking at Kurt. There was something in Sebastian’s smile that made Kurt wonder if he was thinking about the two of them someday having a wedding of their own, too.

* * *

 

**March 14 th, 2021**

“Oh my god! You do exist!” Blaine said when Kurt’s webcam connected and his face popped up on the screen.

“No one’s here for your sass, Blaine Anderson,” Kurt replied with a grin. Of course he totally deserved the comment; he and Blaine hadn’t had a real chance to talk in quite a while between Blaine’s shooting schedule, Kurt’s rehearsals, and the fact that Kurt kept having to go wedding dress shopping with Rachel in his downtime”

“Clearly you are, or else you wouldn’t have called,” Blaine said with a laugh. “Now tell me how things are going. How’s the show? How’s Sebastian?”

“Sebastian’s really good!” Kurt replied. “He loves the new job. He seems happy.”

Blaine smiled at him softly. “And you’re happy?”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah, I am. And the show’s going really well, too. It’s kind of amazing that, even after all this time and all the great reviews, there are still things that need to be changed.”

Blaine thought for a minute. “It’s so weird compared to the process of making a TV show. There are definitely changes, but they happen in such a short period of time. Especially once we have the scripts.”

“Pretty sure you guys are weird,” Kurt replied with a laugh. “I really hope you guys can come out and see it, though.”

“We will. Once the wedding and honeymoon and stuff are done, we’ll make it a priority,” Blaine said. “And don’t tell me that it might not run that long. I know it will.”

Kurt sighed at the mention of Blaine’s wedding. “I really am still sorry about that.”

“And I told you that you aren’t allowed to be sorry about that anymore. We know that you’d be there if there was any way,” Blaine said, crossing his arms and looking at Kurt sternly. “Besides, I have actual news, and I’m not going to tell you if you insist on moping.”

As soon as Kurt heard the word news, he sat up straight. “What news?”

“Well, it looks like I’m going to be making a movie again this summer. It’s kind of a big deal,” Blaine said with a shrug.

“How big?” Kurt asked suspiciously.

“Like playing Tulsa in the movie of Gypsy big,” Blaine replied nonchalantly.

Kurt sprang to his feet and nearly dropped his laptop. “Are you kidding me? Seriously. Tell me you’re lying. You’re _not_ doing Gypsy with Barbra Streisand.”

“No, I definitely am,” Blaine said with an irritatingly self-satisfied smile.

“That’s it. Our friendship is over. I’m never speaking to you again. We’ve been through a lot, Blaine, but this is really too much. I cannot forgive you for this,” Kurt said as he paced around the living room. It was possible he sounded a bit hysterical, but Blaine was going to do the biggest movie musical in years with one of Kurt’s idols. He was pretty sure that he was justifiably upset.

Then Kurt turned back to the computer where Blaine was patiently waiting for him to finish his rant. “Unless you introduce me to her. Then I’ll forgive you.”

Blaine laughed. “Kurt, when on earth would I introduce you to her? I’ll probably barely have scenes with her.”

“You could take me to the premiere!” Kurt pointed out.

“I think I’ll take my husband to the premiere, actually,” Blaine replied, rolling his eyes.

“Oh come on, Blaine! Zeke’s not even that kind of gay—”

“Hey!” Blaine interjected on Zeke’s behalf.

“—he totally won’t appreciate it the way I do. You can take him when you star in the 80th sequel to Star Wars or whatever.” Kurt finished.

“Was somebody shouting about Barbra Streisand?” Rachel said, walking into the room and looking at Kurt like he was insane. Then she caught sight of the computer screen and said, “Oh, hi, Blaine.”

Kurt crossed his arms and glared at the screen for a second before turning to Rachel. “ _Blaine_ is going to play Tulsa in the Streisand remake of Gypsy.”

Rachel’s mouth dropped open and she stared at Blaine in shock for a minute before she said, “No. Absolutely not, Blaine Anderson. Why would you do this to me? Don’t you understand how you’re hurting me?”

“Seriously, guys, this really isn’t about you …” Blaine said, obviously trying to regain control of the situation.

“Who are you taking to the premiere?” Rachel asked, which made Kurt laugh. “Because you _know_ Zeke doesn’t really care.”

“What?” Zeke asked from off screen, and then he wandered into frame behind Blaine and draped his arms over Blaine’s shoulders.

“They want me to take them as my date to the premiere of Gypsy so they can meet Barbra Streisand,” Blaine explained, giving Zeke’s arm a squeeze.

Zeke gave Blaine a blank look for a second and then nodded. “Oh, she plays the mother, right?”

“See!” Kurt said pointing at Zeke. “He doesn’t value it the same way we do!”

At the same time, Rachel said, “Oh my god, are you even gay?”

Instead of saying anything, Zeke just grinned at them both, pressed a kiss to the side of Blaine’s hair, and wandered back out of sight. Once he was gone, Blaine waved his right hand—where he was currently wearing his ring—at them and said, “Sorry, guys, I’m taken. You’ll just have to figure out how to meet her yourselves.”

“We’re hanging up on you,” Kurt said, but before he did, he added, “Congratulations, Blaine.”

“We’re really proud of you,” Rachel said, leaning over Kurt’s shoulder and waving. Blaine waved back as Kurt disconnected the call.

For a minute, Rachel and Kurt just stared at each other. Finally Rachel broke the silence. “I could kill him, I really could, but he’s going to be a perfect Tulsa.”

“He is,” Kurt replied, smiling at her. “‘[All I Need Is The Girl](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/104205327706/robert-lambert-performs-all-i-need-is-the-girl)’ could basically be his theme song.”

“Except for the girl,” Rachel said.

Kurt laughed. “Right, except for the girl.”

“Actually, I have no idea why he never did it in Glee Club,” Rachel mused, plopping down on the couch.

“Katy Perry has a large catalog?” Kurt replied, sitting down next to her and resting his head on her shoulder.

They sat quietly like that for a few minutes, both of them lost in separate memories of high school, before Kyle walked in and said, “Is it over?” Which made both of them laugh.

From Blaine:  
You know Zeke actually does know who Barbra Streisand is, right? He really just wanted to see the looks on your faces.

To Blaine:  
That’s what they all say.

* * *

 

**April 22 nd, 2021**

Somehow Kurt always expected it to be the first preview that got to him, but it never was. The lead up to previews was such a mad dash that Kurt was always a bit surprised when the first performance happened. All of a sudden there was an audience. But he had time to get worked up about opening night. By that point, the show was locked and everyone was getting ready for the moment. They’d even performed on the Today Show earlier that week, which was still boggling Kurt’s mind. He’d actually met Al Roker, and everyone and their mothers had seen him on national TV.

He knew he needed all the rest he could get, especially with the Today Show having thrown it off, but he woke up at 4:30am on the day that they opened and he absolutely couldn’t go back to sleep. After tossing and turning for half an hour, he gave up and pulled himself out of bed. He didn’t need to wake Sebastian up, too. After a few minutes of standing in the kitchen, Kurt made a questionable choice to go off and find someone else who might be awake.

After years of friendship with Andrew, Kurt knew that he could never sleep when he was anxious. Kurt was betting that Andrew was anxious about opening night, and he turned out to be right.

When Andrew opened his door wrapped in a blanket, he didn’t even act surprised. He just walked back down to sit on the loveseat facing the windows and opened the blanket so Kurt could join him. They quietly watched the sunrise out the window without saying anything.

The sky was orange by the time Andrew turned to him and said, “The whole world changes in the next two weeks.”

“That seems like an overstatement,” Kurt said, smiling and squeezing Andrew’s hand.

“Trust me on this one,” Andrew replied.

A few minutes later, Kurt said, “I should go back before Sebastian gets too freaked out. I left him a note.” Sebastian had taken the day off, but he still tended to wake up early.

“Go,” Andrew replied with a smile. “Try to get some sleep. It’s easier after the sun comes up sometimes.”

When Kurt got back to his apartment, he found Sebastian staring at the note in drowsy annoyance. “Who goes for a walk before 6am?”

“Don’t, please,” Kurt said, pulling off his clothes. Now that he was in his room with Sebastian sitting in his bed looking rumpled and adorable despite his grumpiness, he suddenly wanted nothing so much as to curl around his boyfriend and sleep. “I woke up.”

When Kurt leaned down to pick up his clothes and fold them, Sebastian climbed out of bed and shooed him away. “I’ll take care of it.”

“No, don’t get up,” Kurt said with a groan, grabbing his pajamas and pulling them back on.

Sebastian grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him over to the bed gently. “Just trying to get you back to bed faster, sweetie,” Sebastian said with a soft smile, climbing back under the covers next to him. “What were you thinking about?” Sebastian asked, brushing the hair off of Kurt’s forehead.

“Do you think everything is going to change?” Kurt asked, throwing a leg over Sebastian’s and cuddling in closer.

“I think it’s already changing,” Sebastian replied.

It didn’t take long for Sebastian and Andrew to be proven right. When Kurt ran out alone to take his bow during the curtain call, he took a moment to look out into the audience. The entire crowd was on their feet applauding like crazy and it all felt like a dream. As Kurt scanned the crowd, he found Rachel standing next to Kyle and wiping tears from her eyes. She noticed him looking and smiled, pressing a hand to her heart. It was that moment that really drove home the fact that this was all true.

After the cast had taken their bows together and motioned to the pit to acknowledge the orchestra, Kurt leaned over to whisper in Andrew’s ear, “I think I can feel the world changing.”

Andrew grinned at him and reached over to pull him into a tight hug. “You haven’t seen anything yet,” he replied, and then he stepped back away from Kurt and waved to the crowd as they followed the rest of the cast off stage.

By the time the cast was still partying well after midnight, high off of the rave review buzz, Kurt was starting to feel the effects of his interrupted night’s sleep. The nap had been enough to get him through the show with no problem, but the lack of sleep, adrenaline, and alcohol caused a pretty massive crash around one in the morning. He didn’t want to leave too early since it was at least partially his party, so he spent the next couple of hours sitting on the side leaning on whichever one of his friends was willing to sit next to him and letting people come to him. Just after three o’clock, Sebastian finally half carried him into a cab.

“So the _New York Times_ thinks you’re a real live Broadway star,” Sebastian said once the cab was in motion. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Kurt said into Sebastian’s shirt, which earned him a laugh from his boyfriend, and then, “Glad you’re here.”

* * *

 

**May 4 th, 2021**

“You know, I’m a little bit offended that you find clothes more comforting than me at a time like this!” Sebastian said through the closet door.

Kurt rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. “I find you equally comforting, but the clothes can’t watch the webcast and you can. Now go, or you’ll miss it!”

Sebastian left, muttering about how he was in love with a crazy person, but as long as he went out to the living room Kurt didn’t care.

The Tony nominations were being announced that morning, and Kurt’s decision on the best way to handle them was to hide. He was at Sebastian’s apartment so none of his roommates could disturb him, although Rachel had said that Kyle was trying to sleep through everything, and Sebastian had been charged with watching them and reporting back. Sebastian was probably right that hiding in the closet was overkill, but Kurt didn’t want to be able to hear anything.

Kurt was pretty sure that he’d disappeared into some sort of hole in the space time continuum while he waited for Sebastian to come back and tell him what had happened. It couldn’t have been more than a half an hour, but Kurt couldn’t think of anything to distract himself from wondering. He couldn’t even play with his phone because people might text him.

Finally, Sebastian flung the closet door open and shouted, “You got it, Kurt!” Then he pulled Kurt into a tight hug. “You did it. You’re nominated.”

Kurt didn’t even hug him back; he was too busy trying to figure out what Sebastian was saying. “I’m nominated? For a Tony?”

Sebastian pulled back to hold him at arm’s length. “You are. Best performance by a lead actor in a musical,” he replied with a grin.

“Oh my god,” Kurt said, throwing his arms around Sebastian and pulling him back in. “Holy shit. Oh my god.” He was having a hard time believing what Sebastian was saying. He knew that it was true, of course, but, of all the unlikely things that had happened over the last few months, this was the most unbelievable.

Then Kurt’s phone started going off behind them. The two of them just stared at it while it pinged for several minutes. Finally Sebastian shrugged and said, “Well that’s going to take you a while to deal with. Want to skip it and have breakfast?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kurt said with a laugh. Sebastian was working from home, so Kurt could cook while Sebastian worked. As they were walking out to the kitchen, Kurt stopped and grabbed Sebastian’s arm. “Wait, I can’t believe I forgot to ask! What else did we get nominated for?”

“Pretty much everything,” Sebastian said. “It looks like your producers knew what they were doing when they put the rush on it.” Then he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocked and said, “Sound, lighting, set, costumes, orchestrations, direction for Galina, book for Lexie, music and lyrics for Kyle and Lexie, featured actress in a musical for Linda,” he said, listing the actress who played Kurt’s grandmother in the show. “Best musical and featured actor in a musical for Andrew.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt said, staring at him. “What didn’t we get?”

“Well, your show doesn’t have a lead actress, and it’s not really a dance show, so neither of those,” Sebastian said with a laugh.

“I should really call everyone,” Kurt mused, and turned around to go back for his phone.

Sebastian pouted. “You’re supposed to be making me breakfast! You’ll see them at lunch.”

“Oh no, lunch!” Kurt said. He’d completely forgotten about the nominees’ luncheon that took place in a few hours. “What am I going to wear?”

Sebastian followed Kurt as he headed back to the bedroom. “Kurt Hummel doesn’t have an outfit picked out? That’s the most shocking thing to happen all day!”

“Shut up,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t want to jinx it.”

* * *

 

The stage door at The Longest Distance had been a completely surreal experience for the month they’d been running on Broadway. For the first time in his life, Kurt walked out a real Broadway stage door into a crowd of people who were all clamoring to see him. Everyone wanted his picture and his autograph. The show had been selling incredibly well, so the crowds were enormous. He was surprised by how much time it took him to leave each night.

The night after the Tony Award nominations were announced, Kurt and Andrew walked out together to a round of applause. “Get used to it,” Andrew whispered in his ear, then he walked down to the other end of the line so that he and Kurt could start on opposite sides and meet in the middle.

As Kurt walked along, everyone raved about the show and congratulated Kurt on his nomination. He was most of the way through the line when he found Frankie squished up against the barricade by the crowd. “So, this is different!” she said, ducking as the people behind her tried to get a picture with Kurt.

“Apparently you aren’t my only fan anymore,” Kurt said, once he’d finished taking pictures and given her a hug.

“I always knew it would happen eventually,” Frankie said with a sigh. “But it’s good to know the masses have excellent taste!”

Kurt laughed. “That comes as quite a shock to me, really. I always assumed they had nothing of the sort.”

“The world is full of surprises. But seriously, Kurt, congratulations. You really deserve it, and I’m not just saying that because I’m completely biased,” Frankie said, smiling.

“Thanks for coming,” he replied. “I know how busy NYADA students are at this time of year.”

Frankie shrugged. “Well, I figured with nominations coming out today, it might be my last chance to see the show before things got even more insane. I only had to get here at seven this morning.”

Knowing Frankie, Kurt had a feeling that she’d gotten in line that morning specifically so she’d be here to congratulate him, but Kurt wasn’t going to call her on it.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a piece of Frankie's future (with cameos from our stars), I've written a [bonus ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725657).
> 
> And for a big moment in Blaine and Zeke's future, have [another ficlet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3104171/chapters/6725510). 
> 
> I've done some question answering over in the "make me happy liveblog" tag on [my tumblr](iaminarage.tumblr.com), so if you have any backstory/heacanon questions, feel free to head on over and ask! There's a ton more backstory than I'll ever get to include in the fic or ficlets, so if you have a question, I probably have an answer.
> 
> 5 months in one chapter? Oof. Sprinting at the end of the marathon!
> 
> Seriously though. ONE MORE LEFT. Ready?


	32. Chapter 32

**May 17 th, 2021**

Kurt, Rachel, and Kyle all sat on the couch watching Santana as she stared them down. It had been a few minutes and she hadn’t said anything, which made Kurt very nervous. It didn’t seem like anything good could come from Santana calling them together for an apartment meeting in the first place, but the longer she didn’t speak, the worse it got.

Finally Santana broke the silence. “Okay, idiots, our lease is up at the end of June. What do you plan to do about it?”

“Re-sign?” Rachel said as if the whole thing were pretty obvious.

“Wrong! You lose,” Santana replied. “We can’t live here for another year.”

Kurt hadn’t really given it much thought. With everything that was going on with the show, he was having trouble thinking past the next few days.

“Why?” Kyle asked, looking over at Kurt to see if he had an answer. Kurt just shook his head.

Santana hopped up from where she was sitting on the floor. “I’m so glad you asked!” she said, and then she pointed at Kurt. “Hummel, when was the last time you and Sebastian spent a night apart?”

“Um,” Kurt said eloquently as he tried to figure out the answer. “Probably when he went to Paris in February?”

“Precisely my point!” Santana replied. “And I’m pretty sure everything Lexie owns is here by now, so we’re not doing any better, which only leaves the two of you.” She directed her attention to Kyle and Rachel. “You’re getting married in October. You need to be pushed out of the nest so that you can go build one of you own. We all need to move out and go on with our lives.”

The thing was that when Santana made pronouncements like that, she was usually right. This was no exception. Now that Kurt was really thinking about it, he didn’t want to live in a different apartment than Sebastian for another year. He wasn’t really doing it now.

Kurt looked over at Rachel and, he could tell that she knew Santana was right, too. It was just so weird to imagine living in the city and not living with Rachel. He’d never actually done it.

“What am I supposed to do? Call Sebastian and say, ‘Santana’s kicking me out! Let’s move in together!’ That’s sweet,” Kurt said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t care what you say,” Santana said with a shrug. “Don’t say anything; he’ll figure out when the movers show up with your stuff.”

“Does Lexie know you’re doing this?” Kyle asked.

“Of course she knows. Some of it, at least,” Santana replied, and then walked out of the room.

Kyle turned to look at Rachel and Kurt. “What just happened?”

Kurt shrugged, but Rachel jumped off the couch. “If we have to find an apartment by the beginning of July, we’re going to have to get to work! We have a lot to do!”

“I’ll go get my computer,” Kyle said with a sigh; then he stood up and left the room.

Kurt spent the next few hours trying to figure out how to ask Sebastian to live with him. He knew what Sebastian was going to say. For once he was sure that they were in the same place. The trouble was that Kurt had this idea that asking someone to live with you should be romantic, and Santana hadn’t gotten him off to a very good start. The fact that moving in hadn’t even been his idea was pretty lame on top of the fact that he was asking Sebastian to let him move in instead of the other way around. It felt a bit like inviting himself to a party.

His solution was dinner and flowers. By the time Sebastian got home from work, Kurt was nearly finished making chicken marsala, and he’d just pulled Sebastian’s favorite peanut butter cup cheesecake out of the oven.

“Mondays are officially my favorite,” Sebastian said, leaning in to give Kurt a quick kiss. Instead of letting him go, Kurt pulled Sebastian in closer, running his hands under Sebastian’s jacket and up his chest.

“Hi,” Kurt said when they separated.

“Hi, yourself,” Sebastian responded. “I’m going to go change before dinner.”

Kurt nodded and let Sebastian go. He only had to wait a second before he heard Sebastian’s voice again. “Kurt?” he called from where he stood in the living room. Then he picked up the paper-wrapped bouquet of orange lilies that rested on the table. “What’s going on with the flowers?”

“Tiger lilies,” Kurt explained and then laughed when Sebastian gave him a judgmental look. “They’re for you.”

Sebastian touched one delicate petal with his thumb and then looked back up at Kurt. “These are very suspicious flowers, you know. The tiger lily means ‘my boyfriend is up to something.’”

“I’m sure it does,” Kurt replied with a grin. “Go get changed; I’ll tell you over dinner.”

Once everything was ready and Sebastian had put the lilies in a vase, they sat down to eat. They barely had food on their plates when Sebastian crossed his arms and gave Kurt an expectant look.

“Okay, fine,” Kurt said, putting his fork down and meeting Sebastian’s eyes. “Our lease is up on the apartment at the end of June, and Santana thinks we shouldn’t renew it.”

“Santana thinks a lot of things,” Sebastian said, sounding a bit wary.

“Yeah, but this time she’s right. It doesn’t make sense for us all to live together anymore.” Kurt took a deep breath. “And there’s someone else I’d rather live with.”

“Andrew?” Sebastian offered with a grin.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Sebastian …”

“Kurt,” Sebastian said, raising an eyebrow.

Kurt sighed. Sebastian wasn’t going to be happy unless he spelled it out. “Would you like to live with me, Sebastian?”

“I would love to,” Sebastian replied, grinning. “You know you didn’t have to buy flowers and make dinner to get me to say yes.”

“I know. But I wanted to.” Kurt said, reaching over the table to take Sebastian’s hand.

Sebastian squeezed his hand. “You should be careful. I might get spoiled and expect home cooked meals and flowers every night!”

“And cheesecake,” Kurt added helpfully.

“There’s cheesecake?” Sebastian asked, sitting up straight, his eyes going wide. “I knew I loved you for a reason.”

“And that’s it, huh?” Kurt asked, leveling a glare at Sebastian.

“Well, that and the sex,” Sebastian replied, and then he went back to eating his dinner, looking insufferably pleased with himself.

* * *

 

**June 6 th, 2021**

When Kurt looked back at the Tony Awards, he would only be able to remember the night in bits and pieces. Moments would come back to him in no particular order.

Smoothing out the creases in Sebastian’s tux so many times that Sebastian had grabbed both of his hands gently and kissed him before telling him to breathe.

Walking down the red carpet for the first time and having reporters actually want to talk to him. They all had variations on the same question, and Kurt ended every interview just hoping that he hadn’t done anything stupid.

All of his friends in their tuxes and dresses sitting together in the section for The Longest Distance’s team, watching as the momentum for their show grew throughout the night and barely daring to breathe between categories. Then jumping to his feet and cheering as Kyle and Lexie made their way to the stage to give their speech as winners of the Tony for best original score.

Starting their performance off alone on the stage at Radio City and leading the cast as they performed the act one finale on national TV.

The one moment Kurt remembered with perfect clarity was the moment when they had announced his category. He’d gripped Sebastian’s hand as hard as he could and, even though it must have hurt, Sebastian just squeezed back.

When the announcers said the words, “And the Tony Award goes to …” Kurt tried to hold his face still, knowing that he was on TV, but he really wanted to crawl under his seat.

“Kurt Hummel for The Longest Distance!”

Kurt heard the cheers dimly around him, but he couldn’t process what he was supposed to do. It must have only been seconds, but it felt like minutes before Sebastian was standing and gently pulling Kurt to his feet. Kurt leaned in and pressed a TV-appropriate kiss to Sebastian’s lips. Rachel was sitting on the other side of Sebastian, and she reached over to throw her arms around him for a quick hug.

He wasn’t even sure how he made it on stage to get his award, he was just glad he didn’t trip. When he stepped up to the mic, he was suddenly very glad that Sebastian had forced him to memorize something. Kurt hadn’t wanted to because he was afraid that he’d jinx himself, but Sebastian had insisted he wouldn’t want to stand up there and make a speech without any idea of what he was going to say.

“I have to start out by thanking the American Theatre Wing. I am incredibly honored and floored to be standing here right now. To the cast and crew of The Longest Distance, you are the most talented people I’ve ever had the fortune to work with, and I know that I’m up here because I had the incredible luck to get to work on this show with you. To Kyle Rosen and Lexie Hiyashi especially, thank you for giving me the chance to join you on this wild ride.

“Most of all, I need to thank my family. To Carole and Finn; to my dad who fought for me every minute of my life and has always supported my dreams; and to my mom, who I have to believe would be the proudest person on earth if she could see me today. I also want to thank my second family: the one that started in a choir room in Lima, Ohio, then moved to a loft in Bushwick and the halls of the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts, and then to open mic night at a bar in Soho. They have taught me so much in the last eleven years, and this show has been our collective dream come true. Thank you everyone.”

By the end of his speech, Kurt was speaking over the music, so he just raised his Tony when he was finished and headed off of the stage.

Kurt barely had time to get back to his seat and bury his face in Sebastian’s shoulder for a moment before the nominees for best musical were being announced and he had to look camera ready again. Then everyone was jumping to their feet to celebrate winning the biggest prize of the night.

Andrew wrapped Kurt in a tight hug as soon as they got up onto the stage. Neither of them managed to say anything, but they didn’t really need to.

* * *

 

**June 28 th, 2021**

“I appreciate your optimism,” Sebastian said as they stood in his—now their—living room looking at the piles of boxes everywhere. Kurt hadn’t really brought any furniture. Most of the nicer stuff in their apartment had been Kyle’s, and Kurt had long ago decided that he liked Sebastian’s bed much better than his own. Still though, he was pretty sure they had two of almost everything.

“What are we going to do with it all?” Kurt asked, surveying the mess.

“We could just go have sex?” Sebastian offered.

Kurt almost wanted to take him up on the offer, if only to have a little while longer before he had to deal with the problem. “We can’t; the bed is covered in suitcases.”

“Alright, let’s just start opening boxes. I don’t care what we do with it as long as we eventually get the use of our living room back,” Sebastian said, crossing his arms and staring at a box that he seemed to find particularly offensive.

When Kurt leaned up to give him a quick kiss, Sebastian raised his eyebrows in an obvious question. “You said our,” Kurt answered, and then he pulled an exacto knife out of his pocket and started opening boxes.

Once they’d managed to pile the counters full of stuff, Kurt sighed and said, “I feel like we’re making negative progress. We need a plan.”

“Okay,” Sebastian said, reaching into the fridge to grab a beer for himself and a hard cider for Kurt.

“This isn’t a plan, you know,” Kurt said, shaking his head as Sebastian handed him a bottle opener.

“No, but it helps with planning,” Sebastian replied. “I think that you care about your stuff more than I care about mine, so for anything that doesn’t have sentimental value, we should keep your stuff unless mine is a lot nicer.”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense just to keep whoever’s is nicer unless someone is really attached to theirs?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian sighed and crossed his arms. “Isn’t that what I said?”

It was not, in fact, the same as what Sebastian had said, but Kurt could tell that Sebastian was getting grumpy. “Why don’t I go put clothes away for a while, and you can stay out here, since you know how everything is organized. Pick one of anything we have two of, and I’ll go through the extras later and tell you if there’s anything I can’t stand to lose.”

“Always saddling me with the hard choices,” Sebastian said, but he was smiling again.

By the time he was done unpacking his first two suitcases, Kurt was thanking the universe that Sebastian had found possibly the only apartment in New York City with a good-sized closet. Kurt was staring into his third suitcase trying to formulate a plan when Sebastian slipped up behind him and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist.

“What’s up?” Kurt asked as Sebastian pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

“Nothing,” Sebastian said, and Kurt could feel him shrug. “I just missed you.”

Kurt turned so that he could wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. “You’ll get tired of me eventually,” he said with a teasing smile.

“I don’t know, you might be stuck with me forever,” Sebastian replied.

Kurt pulled Sebastian a little closer. “I’ll take my chances.”

* * *

 

**August 1 st, 2021**

On the first Sunday in August, their whole group of friends got together to go see Rachel in Oklahoma at Shakespeare in the Park. The Delacourte Theatre was one of Kurt’s favorite spaces in the world when it was used well, and that night it definitely was.

After the show, Kurt and Sebastian made their way slowly out of the park, hand in hand. Most of their friends were waiting at the theatre for Rachel, but the two of them had volunteered to go get a table at a nearby bar for a celebratory drink. They walked without any hurry; Rachel would be a while and Kurt was lost in thought. He was trying, without success, to process seeing Rachel play one of her dream roles as an addition to his absolutely crazy year. It was hard to believe how far they’d come.

Sebastian pulled on his hand slightly to stop him. “Are you crying?”

“Shut up,” Kurt said, indignantly but then gave an all too obvious sniffle. “Maybe a little.”

“You know that Oklahoma isn’t supposed to be a tearjerker, right?” Sebastian laughed fondly as he pulled Kurt in for a hug.

Kurt pressed his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder for a moment and held him close. Sebastian rubbed his back for a moment before saying quietly, “What’s going on, Kurt?”

Kurt took a step back and looked up at the trees and the starless New York City sky above him as he tried to put it all into words. “It’s just … ten years ago Rachel and I were sitting in a high school choir room in Lima, Ohio, promising each other that we were going to get out, get to New York, and be Broadway stars. I never really doubted we’d actually do it, but now it feels kind of unbelievable.” He shook his head and continued, “It was just watching her up there, you know? She was perfect, and everyone thinks they’ll move this production to Broadway. All our dreams are coming true.” Sebastian reached out to squeeze Kurt’s hand as he kept talking. “She’s playing Laurey Williams in Central Park, and I just won a freaking Tony. The actual Tony.” He laughed. Even with the statue sitting in his apartment, he didn’t really believe it. “Rachel and Kyle are going to get married in the fall, and you’re finally here with me. I just can’t believe how perfect everything is. I never expected my life to work out like this. And I’m sorry for making a speech all of a sudden.”

Sebastian grinned at that. “Make all the speeches you want. You deserve it. All of it.” He pulled Kurt back in and kissed him gently, keeping one hand in Kurt’s and running the other up to the back of Kurt’s neck. Kurt leaned into him but Sebastian ended the kiss a moment later and rested his forehead against Kurt’s. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Kurt said, a little breathless.

“Do you want to marry me?” Sebastian asked quietly.

Kurt stepped back in surprise, trying to get a good look at Sebastian, although he didn’t let go of his hand. “What?” he nearly shouted. That had really not been where he thought the conversation was going.

Sebastian looked a bit startled and then appeared to think for a moment. “Oops. Um. I’m not trying to propose or anything. I know that a proposal is supposed to include a ring and skywriting and a chorus of gospel singers or whatever. I just … want it to be a conversation that we’re having. Or maybe I think it’s a conversation that we’re already having and I just want to give it a name.”

Kurt tilted his head slightly as he considered that. He hadn’t really thought about getting engaged so soon, but he did know that he was going to marry Sebastian. “It is a conversation we’ve been having, probably since the night you offered to move to New York.”

Sebastian looked relieved as he stepped back into Kurt’s space. “Good,” he said with a smile, “I’m glad I’m not crazy.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Kurt sobered and looked up at Sebastian, reaching with his free hand to rub his thumb across Sebastian’s cheek. Sebastian leaned into the touch. Kurt took a deep breath, for some reason still feeling nervous. “But for the record, I don’t really care about the jewelry or the grand gestures. Whenever you’re ready to propose, you should propose.”

Sebastian looked him in the eyes, his gaze steady. “You know, my father always said that a proposal was like a cross examination.” Kurt raised one eyebrow at this, not sure what the punch line was. “You never ask a question unless you already know the answer.”

Kurt laughed. He could hear Robert Smythe in his head saying exactly that. He moved his hand from Sebastian’s face and reached out to take his other hand.

Sebastian waited calmly for Kurt’s laughter to die down. When he was finished, Sebastian took a deep breath before he looked into Kurt’s eyes and started to speak. “Kurt, I … I know we’ve only been officially together for year, but you’ve been the most important person in my life for a lot longer than that. I can’t even put into words how much better my life is with you in it.” Kurt shook his head with a smile. He couldn’t believe Sebastian was really doing this. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes again.

“I know that our lives won’t always be easy,” Sebastian continued, squeezing Kurt’s hands again. “There’ll be days when you’re unemployed and you hate the fact that you’ve chosen such an unstable career, and there’ll be days when I’m bored to death and I hate the fact that I chose such a stable one. I might work too late when things get crazy, and you might have to spend the summer on the Cape or the fall in California, and you’ll worry about the number of times I’ll sleep on Trent and Alex’s couch instead of going home alone.” Kurt laughed at the accuracy of this statement. “And I’ll be an asshole sometimes, and you’ll bring up old problems in the middle of new fights. I know we’re not perfect, especially me, and our lives won’t always be as perfect as they are now. But it’ll always be us, and that’s better than perfect.”

Kurt had to pull one hand away from Sebastian to wipe away the tears and cover his mouth. He could see that Sebastian was tearing up, too, although he knew his boyfriend—fiancé? Holy shit—would pretend it hadn’t happened. “Wherever the future leads us, loving you is the one thing I’m sure of, and I really hope you feel the same way.”

Sebastian winked as he dropped down to one knee on the sidewalk in Central Park. “So, Kurt Hummel, will you marry me?”

Kurt didn’t even have to think about it. He stepped closer to Sebastian, dropping his hand and leaning down to kiss him. When he broke the kiss, he said, “Of course I will.”

Sebastian stood up and grabbed him around the waist, swinging him around. He kissed Kurt again, as hard as he could. “Oh my god,” he said. “Holy fuck, we’re getting married. I can’t believe it!”

Kurt shook his head. “You can’t believe it? I’d think I dreamed it, but I definitely wouldn’t have dreamed you getting down on one knee in Central Park at 11:30 at night. I can’t believe you got down on one knee. I thought you said it was cliché!”

Sebastian shrugged, still grinning like an idiot. “You like cliché, at least when it comes to things like this.”

“I like you,” Kurt said, with a smile.

“Oh, well good! Otherwise it would be awkward that you just agreed to spend the rest of our lives together.” Sebastian laughed and then leaned in to kiss Kurt again. As Sebastian’s hand wandered under Kurt’s shirt to press against his back, Kurt wished fervently that they didn’t have to meet their friends. Their plans were really getting in the way of his very intense desire to take Sebastian home and have newly engaged sex. But the thought of their friends jogged him back to reality.

“Oh, shit. How long have we been out here? If the others beat us to the bar, they’ll think we’ve been murdered.”

Sebastian groaned. “Crap, I totally forgot about them. Santana will probably just think we ran off to have sex?”

Kurt laughed. That was exactly what Santana would think, although she’d describe it in much cruder terms. “Don’t think I haven’t considered it. But let’s go meet them and tell them. We’ll let Kyle buy us way too much alcohol, Santana can tell us all about how pointless marriage is while Lexie throws ice cubes at her, and Trent and Alex will pretend to be shocked that anyone would marry you, all while Andrew is crying.”

Sebastian snorted. “And Rachel will alternate between telling us that she told us so for the eight hundredth time and telling us that we can’t plan our wedding too close to hers?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. Sebastian’s description of Rachel’s reaction was probably spot on. Somehow he was still excited to hear it; he knew that no matter what Rachel said, she’d also be happier for him than anyone aside from their families. “Oh, crap!” Kurt said. “It’s totally too late to call my dad!”

“Do you want to wait to tell anyone until we can tell him?” Sebastian asked, as he stepped back and grabbed Kurt’s hand, beginning to walk in the direction of the edge of the park again.

Kurt thought about it for a moment. He did want to tell his father right away, but he couldn’t imagine seeing anyone right now and not telling them. “No, they’re our family, too. I want to tell them. They’ll know something is up, anyways. I’m nowhere near a good enough actor to hide this from them right now. We just won’t tell anyone else until we can Skype my dad and Carole tomorrow when you and my dad are both home from work.”

“Sounds like a plan. Except that you’re insane if you think I’m going to work tomorrow. I definitely feel a 24-hour cold coming on.”

Kurt shot Sebastian another giddy smile. He had plans for Sebastian and they would be much easier to execute if his fiancé was home from work. “You’re my fiancé,” he said to Sebastian, trying to adjust to the word.

“Shit yeah, I am.” Sebastian laughed and dropped Kurt’s hand to throw his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. “I know I’ve said this, but I’m still not sure I believe it.”

“You might have to hold me down,” Kurt said, leaning into him, “I feel like I’m going to float away.”

Sebastian shook his head. “I don’t think I can. We’ll just have to float away together.”

Kurt grinned and tilted his head up to kiss Sebastian as they stopped at an intersection. “So, how long have you been planning that speech?”

“Shut up!” Sebastian pulled away to glare at Kurt as they walked.

Kurt just laughed at him. “Like, did you memorize the whole thing? Or were parts of it paraphrased? Is it written down somewhere?”

“I hate you.” Sebastian crossed his arms, making Kurt laugh harder at his obviously fake anger.

“That’s not what you said last night. Or ten minutes ago, actually.”

* * *

 

**August 2 nd, 2021**

They spent the next morning lazing around in bed, and the next afternoon out ring shopping, both of them having decided that they wanted to wear engagement rings along with their wedding bands. It was definitely something Kurt had always imagined himself having.

As they went about their day, their conversation tended mostly towards wedding discussion. Neither of them really wanted to wait to start planning the wedding, although they knew that the availability of New York wedding venues would limit their choice of dates. The whole thing was sort of surreal. They were really looking at rings and really talking about dates, venues, flowers, attendants, and a million other details.

Once the work day was over, Kurt and Sebastian Skyped their families. Their reactions were predictably thrilled, and had made Kurt wish that they’d been able to deliver the news in person.

That evening, everyone went out to Fourth Wall to celebrate again. Sebastian was delivering celebratory drinks to the table when Trent came back from signing up. “Looks like we have a problem,” he said. “Or at least Fourth Wall does. David just got really sick, and they aren’t sure how much of open mic night they can manage without him.”

Kurt looked around the group and saw that they were all giving Trent similar looks of confusion. Finally, Rachel said, “Who on earth is David?”

“David the piano player?” Trent asked.

“Oh, the piano player is Brad,” Andrew said. “He started working here right after we started coming to open mic night.”

Trent side-eyed Andrew, as if trying to figure out if he was serious. “His name’s definitely David. I introduced myself to him years ago and that’s what he told me. The manager just called him David, too.”

“Then where did we all get the idea that his name is Brad?” Adam asked.

“Santana said his name was Brad,” Kurt answered with shrug, then he realized exactly what he’d said and whipped around to face her. “Santana! You let us spend six years thinking his name was Brad when it isn’t?”

Santana just shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “I wasn’t going to learn the name of more than one piano guy.”

In retrospect, they probably should have realized that there was no way that Santana had actually asked the guy his name. Kyle shook his head at her and said, “I guess I’m lucky she knows my name. I’m going to go see if they want me to play for the night.”

“Tony winner and open mic night accompanist. You are multitalented, aren’t you?” Lexie teased as Kyle walked away.

“I wonder if you guys have called him that to his face,” Alex mused. “I mean, Kyle talks to him, doesn’t he?”

“Oh, god, I’m sure we have,” Andrew said, then he slapped Santana lightly. “Thanks for making us look like the world’s biggest douchebags!”

“Like you needed help,” Santana replied, rolling her eyes.

An hour later, Kurt and Sebastian took the stage together. “Hey, everyone,” Kurt said with a smile. “I think you all know my boyfriend Sebastian, right? Well, quite a while before Sebastian and I were together, Miss Rachel Berry selected a song for us. At the time I protested since you can’t have a song if you’re not dating, but I have to officially state for the record that Rachel was right. So I thought it would be fun for Sebastian and I to sing our song together, especially now that he’s my fiancé.”

The bar erupted in cheers as the music started, but they quieted when Sebastian started to [sing](http://musicofmakemehappy.tumblr.com/post/104630406491/lindsey-mendez-and-jay-armstrong-johnson-perform), “ _Oh, you make me happy all the time and you know I’m a total dick, but you make me happy all the time. Oh baby you just do the trick._ ” As he sang, he grinned at Kurt and nodded his head with the music.

“ _Oh you make me happy all the time, and that is really fucking tough. Still you make me happy all the time, oh baby, I can’t get enough_ ,” Kurt sang when his verse came up.

Kurt knew that the two of them weren’t really performing to the audience. For once, they were really just singing to each other. It wasn’t exactly what most people would pick out as a love song, but Kurt thought it fit the two of them better because of that. He suspected that nothing about their particular love story was what most people would have picked. Maybe he was romanticizing it because they’d just gotten engaged, but he didn’t think he would change any of it. He was too happy with the ending.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all there is! I cannot thank you guys enough for all of your comments and kudos! I have looked forward to posting just to see your reactions, and it's been so much fun every week. If you have any questions (backstory, process, anything about the characters, whatever) or prompts, feel free to drop me an ask whenever you want on [tumblr](iaminarage.tumblr.com). 
> 
> In the interest of shameless self promotion, if you want to share the fic with your tumblr followers, I've made a main post [here](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/104703326225/make-me-happy-a-kurtbastian-fanfic). Now that you've finished the fic, if you'd like to listen to the full playlist, that is [here](http://iaminarage.tumblr.com/post/104703313360/the-full-playlist-of-make-me-happy-music) on youtube or for download. 
> 
> Ficlets in this 'verse tend to just appear, so there will probably be more in the future. As of right now, the rest of the verse is the ficlet/fics that you saw linked throughout the story, although some are not linked in. There is not actually a sequel. So check out the rest of the verse to make sure you caught them all! (Like Pokemon.) If you want to be informed of future updates, you should subscribe to the "Make Me Happy 'Verse" series in which this fic is located. Any asks that I answer or drabbles (if anyone asks for any) will be posted in the "make me happy liveblog" tag on tumblr. If you want to tag anything and have me see it, please use the tumblr tag "make me happy verse" (because the "make me happy" tag is unsurprisingly full of random crap.)
> 
> For the record, it was Atticus Finch that taught me that you should never ask a question on cross examination to which you do not already know the answer.


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